da weekend

well..howdy! how are ya? i have been SO busy, i havent really gotten a chance to just chill out and relax!! damn! two wx ago it was avis bday party, then last wknd was the wedding...and yesterday it was my aunt titas 90th bday party. and we have been working overtime all week and worked yesterday 7-130. after that i went home but had to take shower real quick and head on over to carols for the bday party. sage and lisa and matt and everyone was there. the thing about these parties is there is food. and carbs. bread. hot dogs. potato salads, that sort of thing. chips pretzels and dips, salsas. that i must have. red cup of sangria. we stayed at the party till about 7. sage wanted me to sleep over that night. we all went to see man of steel 3D i was super tired started falling asleep end of movie. we didnt really do anything after movie just went to sleep. sage wanted me to go to  church this morning so we went. it was nice. they focused on the presidents and the country (4th of july) and the teenagers who just got back from christian camp. i went to that camp when i was in high school. i went two times. WHOA SYNC this show just said summer camps (the naked survivor show) SYNC SUMMER CAMPS!!! 

what the hell is this show we dont want to see their butts

anyways...one kid said he was struggling with homosexuality then he got saved and he is not gay anymore. see, the thing is, he is going to be struggling all his life, denying who he is. i understand he wants to serve the Lord, but at the same time, he is not being true to himself. sage sees this too.

it was very moving hearing those young people serve the Lord tho. it made me teary eyed in fact.

after that we went w. my aunt and uncle and another lady from church and my parents sage and mike to olive garden. 

watched season finale walking dead season 3. 

good night














 

sinks

super tired bout to go to bed

the syncs: real quick

so...these newbies talk. like to talk at work, slows down production (if you can work and talk fine sobeit) point is....the sync. the team leader had to keep telling these girls to stop talking (they since walked out and quit...also two temps did today as well so hot)

so...a few days later, team leader was talking and another girl who has been there long time. ..((im just sayin..cuz it correlates with the sync)....and i thought...'see they talk' then..on the radio, i heard that annoying song.."everybody talks everybody talks"
 (damnet just deleted paragraph)

i was laying in backseat car last wknd on way to vermont i thought what if my head got chopped off will i still see? then, my mom said, 'you can still see' (i thought that tho)

im going to bed. another sync i wanted this new weird temp ? to turn the bins to face me since i was sealing and the song was 'face me face me' (or at least it sounded that way)

GOOD NIGHT NOW

the daily blog

i have been meaning to do a webcam video vlog for a while now...but i never have enough time. (not enough time!!!) well this week we are working till 430 every day bcuz next week we have off and we might have friday off too. (nice long wknd!) hooah! hmm....i just want to talk about work because....i like to vlog about work because later in life (when i dont work there anymore) it would be rather interesting and silly to see what i have to say about what really bothered me during my work day ((which will be obsolute...absolete..obsolete...oh wateve!???????????)

oh yeah, i also want to do a breakdown ?? of that cher lloyd video i saw this morning. shes like a witch throwing up devil horns subliminally.

ok..........mike started working 3-midnight. its weird. i feel alone and lonely. sucks. :(

i dont know what to do anymore? my life isnt where i want it to be. mike will be upset if i leave too. i cant even think anymore. i dont even feel alive i feel....nuetral. i just feel meh about everything. nothing exciting or new...

and i want to save money but its so hard to do so with bills bills bills. yes i know that is what you do in life, but i do not need to stay here, paying rent, cable bill. 200.00 plus 140.00 each month??? so, 340.00 (and rent is 600.00....so...i am paying more then mike?

im going to talk to him. i should just pay 300 a month.....so i should be giving mike 160 a month, not 200...(and im not going to pay more then 300 a month or i will move out. mike got a new job which pays more anyhow.

i cant even save money. i cant even get myself nice things i want to get. i have been living with him for 3 years, and i just cant save up.

i am so used to living here i guess, but its kind of like i stay here because mike is used to me being here (and marble...and the fish)

but mike doesnt understand or know that....i just...this isnt who i am. working at a foam factory warehouse blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh then just...being stuck.

i like to travel i want to travel. i contacted a work overseas (au pair or something) for 3-6 months...

im just bored. this is not really want i want to do with my life, you know?

i need to go to bed...alone :(

i dont even get weird syncs anymore...(well, i do....just not the poison kind. i got a few weird ones that i will vlog about when i find time)

today, i had rye and marble bread with strawberry preserves i got at vermont. lunch, tuna wrap (spinach, carrots, olive oil), some blueberries...dinner (didnt cook just had two microwaveable burritos with tobasco sauce. cantaloupe/orange juice.

oh yeah, had some kool aid because they have big jugs of cold kool aid (and cold water) at work. they have grape, cherry, and lemonade kool- aid.

lisa put a comment 'blog away...this is a conspiracy' which was kind of rude actually. how did me asking about 1/4 cup i mean, what does that have to do with conspiracies? so sage added me on google. why does blogger have to share my blog posts? i dont particularly want sage or lisa or anyone on my facebook to read my blogs. sage watches my youtube videos too. i made another account but i lost the address for that. anyways, i think im going to stop blogging. my life is not interesting anymore anyways. its just work, come home, nothing.

nothing interesting or exciting happens to me anymore, i need to break up with mike so that i can get married and have kids and a family and a better career, like everyone else does.

i cant be this immature silly person blogging about conspiracies anymore heavens forbid!

so....i wanted to make a vlog about work for a while now. the webcam was at my parents, so i have it back now. i was going to write a few things for the gist of it, but i feel like rambling

oh, i guess i should write about the vermont trip.

so, we finally left at 630 pm on friday. it was the first day of summer so what i really wanted to do was relax and enjoy the summer night! instead, i was stuck in a car. we stopped for snacks and i bought a magazine to read. eventually i fell asleep, woke up every so often at gas stations and rest stops.

we got to the inn at 330 am. ahh vermont! vermont has a different air to it. it was cool and brisk that night.

next morning, we had our complimentary breakfast at the lodge (or whatever its called?) talked with jacob and jason and met jasons fiancee (at the time). jacob said a few of the friends were going to hang out after in the suites because the bar is a cash bar and he invited me, so i was like..ok.

wedding was at 230 so my parents and i took a drive (we were in stowe, and sound of music filmed in the mountains of the skiing resort there). went to a few nice stores. bought candles, room spray..etc. nice stuff.

took pics.

wedding then hor dures then it started raining.

jacob and jasons parents, don and cheryl, both  died. i remember them. i know i wrote about them before tho and im really tired and dont feel like blogging more. its late and i need a shower.

so...in that case...oh yeah well we were hanging out with the nice people at our table, had a good dinner etc.

was ready to go but i went to that after party because i said i would (even tho we all wanted to get going) but im glad i did. i was talking to the one girl at our table who was really nice.

her sisters were nice too. she thought i was her age (23). also, someone at work asked me how old i was, (26) she thought i was 22 or so.......


thats why i say 26 because you know...and i SHOULD be married with kids myself hmm? i feel so silly sometimes. i better take a shower tho.

i have a question about religion that i want to post on facebook, but i kind of dont think i will. you see, i am trying to keep my posts safe, because well, too many people i have lost track of are on my friends list. that is also family and.......oh who knows?

the question about religion is this.

what is someone lives their life as a christian, worshipping God and being a perfect christian, which means no sinful things, including drinking and pre-marital sex, and as far as the AWFUL things normal people just do not do...(murder, rape etc) i mean.....this person lives their life as a perfect christian, (as a safe way to welcome death. its not easy, i mean, death is the unknown! what lies after? so lets be safe and be perfect christians..even ) even tho this person might have doubt in their mind bcuz tbh who is to say christianity is the correct religion? i dont like the premise of 'religion' because its another label. God is real, He does exist, He does love us.....

but then.......you have to wonder, why would he make people so individualistic? not everyone is the same. if we were raised in a different part of the world, our religion would be different. who is to say which one is correct?

and what is this perfect christian dies with doubt in their heart? will God be happy to know how they truly felt? sort of like a traitor?

so what do we do? i believe in being the best person you can be. have a good heart. fill your heart with love and a child-like innocense, wanting to learn more, wanting to immerse yourself in more knowledge from the tree of life, but that brings forward a need to want to learn more.

why are freemasons always coding and checkering around because THEY WANT TO BE GODS. even tho, they should be humble. all will be revealed after death. why live like a narcisstic, child abusing king now?!? for real..


i dont know

blog to share

i like reading this blog. while i dont quite understand the synchronicitis i still like to follow along and read anyways

http://synchromiss.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/hog-pig-the-88-code/

SPLURGES (AND OTHER STUFF)

i need to write a list of splurge items:

- APPLE MAC (and cheeze pleaze...oh btw...mike made mac n cheese bcuz he was inspired by my moms)
- IPOD
- PANAMA JACK BIKE
- I PHONE
- PLAYSTATION 5
- WEN (I WANT TO TRY IT AND MAKE A TUTORIAL)
- MAC...COSMETICS EYELINER
- HAIRCUT
- GOOD CAMERA
- CAMCORDER
- CAST IRON TEA SET
- estee lauder pleasures exotic and more perfume (YUM!)

- COMFY CASUALS (CLOTHING)
- MORE TATTOOLS
- for now!!! i have a BIG list tho,.....yall sall it!

ever wonder how models dance?

ok just to note...I DO NOT LIKE THIS SONG OR VIDEO! I SEE IT BEFORE I GO TO WORK THO, WHILE EATING MY CEREAL. AND I THINK...UGH LOOK AT THOSE SKINNY MODELS, DANCING WITH NO RYTHYM......anyways.....i think about alot of things i want to blog or vlog about while im at work....but by the time i get to sit and actually relax its time to go to bed. i come home...sit down...make dinner...WORK OUT! (today did ultimate spin) today also went to petco to get two new fish. sage and them stopped by. we also went to walmart and dunkin donuts. im too tired to continue...

Louis Vuitton AW13/14 topmodellen Cara Delevingne & Georgia May Jagger a...

this video represents the duality of a models life. some are beta sex slave prostitutes in part of their lives, while transitioning to being a model on the catwalk.

psuedo occult is back

http://www.pseudoccultmedia.net/2013/05/fashions-illuminati-it-girls-cara.html

im moving on

im done. really...so, all winter i hibernated away, not really existing only in that mere way you do during the merry wintery season, not really feeling any general bursts of amphetaminic adrenal....endorphins...just kind of...getting by miserably. well then, summer is in bloom. summer is supposed to awake and arouse us. well it does me!?! and i tell mike this constantly, 'summer is my time. ok? i thrive during the summer. i love the summer! camping, hiking, drinking beers in the wheat-field smelling country side. aw man that is my THING!! i LOVE it! i just do! is this a fucking crime!???! geez. so, yeah, i tell mike this. he just does not realize or get it, and i don't want to waste my time with him anymore. its going to be the same all the time now. the summer is just starting, honestly. i mean, it is only mid-june. i like to do things in the summer. camping, as formentioned...i like exploring...(weird nj sites), activities, taking trips, new york city, the beach, parties, bonfires, pig roasts, outdoor concerts, pow-wows, events, patio parties, swimming, skinny dipping (hellz yeah LOL!!!!), sex outdoors, you know, fun stuff like that! fun, exciting things. i don't have any kids yet so why the hell not!?? i do want to have kids tho and i can calm down but, im not going to have a kid with mike. he has made it clear he doesnt want to get married or have a kid with me, so why am i even wasting my time anymore? last night i was so tired, but i could of taken a shower and did something fun, had i wanted too or there was something fun to do!??! today was avi's 1st birthday at my aunt deannas. it was ok. lots of food. LOTS of candy. too much candy. then they opened the gifts etc. i didnt take pics my camera didnt have batteries and i forgot my phone. doesnt look like anyone uploaded pics either?? anyways, we were hanging out but mike wanted to get going. he said weston said we can go there and hang out, drink, chill...so i was like ok well leave in an hour. it was 4pm so leave at 5. so mike wanted to go, even tho i would of stayed longer. sage was there, so was adria. i didnt mind hanging around. sigh. but mike wanted to go so we did. then we came back to wilson, this dark miserable apartment. i am so sick of it here. its not home. tried to watch walking dead but the link wasnt working. decided to go to petco to see if i can get a sitting perch for marble, but i didnt get it. instead went to walmart and got a glow-LED aquarium with some tetras. mike said we can get beer and chill but i knew better. i knew how it would be. why did i even ever bother putting up christmas lights or solar powered lights up outside? why? whats the fucking point? we arent ever going to hang out and enjoy summer nights. sexy, summer nights! ha! he is so lame. he was like, after we left walmart, 'im going to make this clear now' in a stern serious voice. 'your only getting a 6 pack otherwise were not going to drink' FUCK YOU mike. dont talk to me like that. im a damn adult i am so sick of him. most guys can chill, hang out, drink, not worry about the damn fucking time. plus i drink more than a 6 pack. i dont just drink a 6 pack! im sick of him. i didnt even want to drink with him. we set up the fish tank but no heater so we went back to walmart and i said lets just get a movie, so i rented cloud atlas. so we come back home and set it up. in the meantime im thinking how i am so done with him~! i am too! hes just not my type! i dont like ogre fools who are lame and boring. even today he was like, 'i did what you wanted me to do' meaning going to the bday party. its a family event, if you are dating someone that is what you do. you go to their family's events and enjoy it. he was just sitting at the table looking at his new smart phone game. he did talk to my dad and his friend about civil war stuff tho. still, you know? matt played redneck beanbags or whatever with everyone else, mike didnt. hes just some serious killjoy. dont you think if a guy was into a girl he would be curious about her family too and not just go out of common courtesy but because he actually cares? so anyways, we attempted to watch the movie (it was only midnight), and he starts snoring like ron jeremy (because ron has that sleeping disorder where he just falls asleep). im just done with him. i am. i get more irritated with him the more we start acclimating to summer. i dont want this summer to suck, and so far it has (because of him.)...i do not want this anymore! i dont want this boring life where i dont feel alive or happy....im sick of this! i told mike im moving out. but what about marble and the fish? oh, guess im stuck here, forever! and my job....and the gym. yep...stuck!

oh free membership ends soon and next month mid july i will be at my job for 3 months so i get more benefits. we'll see....we'll see what happenes.


i want my own place tho. i want to enjoy the weekends too. i dont want to be thrown down the stairs and held on the floor if i go out either. im not attracted to mike anymore im not in love with him anymore, i dont want him anymore. it sounds harsh but i told him that. im just done. bored. ready to move on. DO NOT RUIN MY SUMMER!!!

oh yeah weston never got back to us thats why we didnt go there. sucks. that would of been fun to be around others.

sage is back! i went to my parents the other night and we had some homemade mac n cheese, chicken drumsticks, corn on the cob. sage also made a tutorial on how to make ice cream, which i will share. she did my makeup too. i just spent 50.00 geez! another baby birthday party, and more baby showers coming up, weddings...ughhh....today we have avis 1st bday party, then fathers day. oh man. i dont even have a good bathing suit if i want to go swimming today.

anyways....



i still want to make a vlog about my job. its too much to write about but i can talk about it. ahhhhhhhh

Hey Bartender by Katie Grace

This is SO FUNNY! i cant stop laughing. moss gave me a link to my doppleganger, but she actually looks like me AND lisa...haha!! hilarious!          (my voice isnt that good tho!)

tired

i am tired, but i need to jot down a few random thoughts, i guess...im getting sick of this. THIS! work, getting in fights with mike on wknds bcuz he doesnt want to do anything. sick of wilson pa. WILSON! SMF castaway....i am tho. i work and my paychecks just disappear...rent, RCN bill..if i move out i dont have to pay for that. i have been thinking about it for a while. i tell mike all the time too. i just tell him im planning on moving out. im just bored...and sick of everything. i want to feel free again. i just need to get out of here. mike will be starting a new job next week. the hours will be overnight. he will be getting payed well tho, so he will be set. not sure how much he really needs me but since he will be making more paycheck he wont need me to help with rent. he will be fine without me. he doesnt like to do things. i do. i mention how i want to go to the city (NYC), or the beach, whatever, and he never seems to be interested. he says it depends on the money. i told him, you can take a bus up to new york, 15.00 one way, 30.00 roundtrip!??! the fact that he just doesnt want to do anything just turns me off. i dont like to just sit in the basement and watch movies. i like to do things! even taking a walk in the park doesnt cost anything! well we did take a walk at jacobsburg park, and we came to a path. since we went down one route on the way up, i knew that other path would lead back to the parking lot, but it was a different path. mike didnt want to take that one, so i said it was metaphorical. he said it wasnt metaphorical, uh yes it was! he wanted to take one path and i wanted to go down another. like in our lives. he said it was something else. anyways....i forget. im tired bed. but mike is snoring and i dont want to sleep on the couch. 

i forget. I FORGET!! I FORGET EVERYTHING









 

sinister and eerie

i forgot to say, this girl with an eye tattoo was like, 'i know you from somewhere' and this 10 year old kid thought i was 16. i thought that was funny. what else? oh we passed a 'wolf pack' road when we were riding down the street (sunday) i just wanted to quickly add that. oh yeah also people at my work think im younger then 26 (what i say i am...cuz  no one believes me when i tell the truth~!)

ha! anyways, here is a link to something sinister and eerie...you see, photographers DO know what they are doing when they place subtle symbolisms in their work:

see here

http://www.davidicke.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1061536759&postcount=290

link

moss and his sign is in this article. but yeah, do those protesters think their hatred spews will do good? because no one wants to be told their mother is burning in hell. and why would God create someone who is gay if you are born that way then its not wrong. it is what makes us individuals in this world. God is loving and he loves everyone as his children. ya know?

http://www.vice.com/read/protesting-against-gay-pride-was-super-boring?utm_source=vicefbus

hill climb

so yesterday, (saturday) started off....bacon and eggs in the morning...(((just joking, cuz it was a chocolate protein with frozen peach blend fruits and milk milkshake)) for breakfast! and aftar that....after that, i wanted to go to the 10:30 cycling class at the gym. it was a good workout. after that i came home..mike was gone. i guess he had stuff to do. i then did my shake weight workout and showered, relaxed...whatever. i dont know? then we watched episode 2 of walking dead season 3 on that new site. so then, i wanted to do something. a walk or what not, so we went to jacobsburg state park, walked around. nice. we ate at wind gap diner. i had a gyro and fries. (oops carbs! so what tho!???) ehh....im actually 139 pounds now!!! after that we went to dougs garage. dario was there so was some other guy, and a girl and a kid. (dougs sister) WHOA SYNCH...


im tired. oh yeah so.........dario gave me a yuengling. it felt weird to drink a beer but i took it since it was offered. mike didn't mind. we hung out for a bit (IT WAS DUSK) 

a glass of wine at dusk time seems sublime!

so then, we went home, i kept saying...what are we gonna do tonight? mike wanted to get a 6 pack but not go out. chops msgd me telling me he is in easton, if i want to hang out? so i told mike i was gonna hang out with chops (mike raselys brother). and mike was like, 'ok thats fine' so i went to the garage where chops was with some other peeples working on their harleys son of a bitch...for the hill climb sunday. had a few pabst and moonshines...(strawberry)...i got home around 130 maybe a bit after 2 am to  be honest. mike was pissed he dragged me down the steps into the basement threw me on the floor covering my mouth. i didnt do anything wrong so i scratched his neck in defense. i feel bad now he has cat scratches on his neck.

when i woke up i tried to hug him he was like, 'dont touch me'. he was mad because i drank last night...

so chops mentioned the hill climb and to be there at 11 this morning, so i was like fuck it. why stay home around a guy who is pissed at me and told me he was not going to be home anyways (who knows where he went? or who even cares) listening to...depeche mode everything counts. 

so yeah i was like, why stay home w/ mike who is pissed at me? and who is gonna go leave anyways? why so i can stay home and cut up my wrists again? no thanks!!!

so i drove to the guys house chops was staying at. a bunch of bikers. hung out for about 20 minutes then we got on the harleys and rode up to the hill climb. i love bike rides!!! it was nice! i lost my rose headband tho :( hill climb was cool. i will upload the vids i took also try to look for some WZZO footage and what not...they had pabst so of course i had some. it was hot. got sunburnt on my face didnt lotion face. had some apple cider moonshine. it was cool. we were there for about 4 hours, then after we rode back,,,pork shoulder smoldering on the grill, with oak bits...smelled nice! tasted nice! nice smokey taste, dipped in apple butter bbq sauce. delish! had more pabsts, some more moonshine (apple pie and ginger)....chilled. started to get sun drenched and tired. now im here. too tired too remember. 




 



 

 

 

Lana Del Rey - Ride

this is a weird video but i like it, but is she supposed to be a beta kitten prostitute for the hells angels or something?

friday

sorry but...i was hoping mike would take his trip the last weekend of june but he is taking off the same weekend i am going to vermont for jasons wedding. now i dont want to go. mike is lame. i mean, i wanted to be able to chill that weekend and relax without him being a jerk/asshole. i can never have company because he makes everyone uncomfortable. and even tho im not drinking or going out now, doesnt mean i am not going to want to at all this summer.

actually, i miss having friends. girl friends. shannan never gets back to me. fuck her. i mean, i know she just had a baby, but she didnt even respond back when i asked her if she wanted to go to the drinks and drawing thing they have in bethlehm...(oh yeah, first friday of every month they have a free art gallery/cheese/wine event at the banana factory. the drinks and drawing looks fun...its live models and drinks (if you want...i probably wont drink tho since its the first tuesday of every month).

so tonight i said i want to go to the gym. because mike doesnt want to do anything. he wants to lay in the basement. i told him, lets just go to the gym, or im going out. because i do have people i can hang out with. he told me he doesnt want to deal with my drinking. well, i wouldnt even be around him if i go out. i just want to be able to have company and sit outside (i put up christmas lights outside), chill with the light up santa. listen to music, talk, chat, communicate, have wine whatever...have fun. relax....blah blah blah


i should be able to do that where i live, right? sucks.

anyways, at the gym, we only had an hour. i thought they closed later. they let mike in for free this time even tho it was supposed to be 15.00 because im on a free trial. went on the treadmill for a bit, then wanted to swim. in the locker room this girl started talking to me, i was wearing those mesh leggings i like she asked me where i got them and just talked to me but it was cool. like i said, i miss hanging out with girl friends!

went in sauna a bit. was thinking there should be a site, like a dating site, but not...a site to find friends. because i want fun cool female friends to hang out with, and go to art shows, free yoga classes, wine tasting, farmers market, gym, you know...stuff like that..

hmm....what else? i dont know right now??? i forget....oh yeah, its mostly girls at work and its ok. i dont mind my coworkers, even tho the one girl is kind of annoying but whatever ya know? if i knew where my webcam is i would make a video. well i dont, damn.

miley cyrus topless

egads..seriously? what a wild child...

that one is kind of cool (above)

Tummy Tuck Slimming System -- Melt Away Belly Fat 1/3

  at 3:10 its my friend julie from LA> haha!! funny

breakfast:  greek yogurt w/ blackberries and quia seeds (ughh greek yogurt), cranberry juice

snack: almonds

lunch: tomato soup, carrots and hummus, almonds

dinner: cajun seasoned chicken, squash w/ sesame seeds



OKKKKKKKKKK so what i need to do this weekend....i dont know? :( im so tired anymore i have no clue. i just know i want to go to the gym. i am so focused on eating healthy and working out, its weird? i just want to get down to 125 lbs, just to see if i/that i can...but once you adopt a healthy lifestyle it pretty much sticks with you...so the posts about what i ate and gym will eventually fade away and i won't feel the need to post it? i dont know!??

i just feel its a goal i want to accomplish...losing weight. mercy mercy! haha

i need to make scrapbooks with my old womans world magazine, tips and recipes...etc...maybe old cosmo magazines too, workout ideas...i need to get a few essential oils too (peppermint for work and exercise, lavender for epsom salt and pedicure)

eventually i am going to cut my hair, when the bangs grow out. i thought i would be bringing home more money to start getting things i want/need, but that does not seem to be happening!??

where is my list? i need it.....

rent- 200.00
phone- 45.00
rcn-140.00
insurance-60.00
gas-80.00

total: 525.00 month

lets say i make about 300 a week...so, 1200.00 a month

so i should be able to save, what...675.00 a month? um, well i guess that is better then when i was getting unemployment. maybe 500 a month, lets just say....ok, now...things i want to get first and foremost:

-playstation 3 (alice mcgee game..mcgee)
-MAC
-mac cosmetics!
-ipod


i need to move out. i really want my own place. i feel so nuetral anymore. i dont even feel silly/goofy/happy/alive...i just feel meh and blah.

i want to make a webcam vlog but i cant find my webcam either!??!

also, i want the mac to start writing, ya know? yeah..............

yep! my dads bday we had food. bbq chicken/steak good cucumber salad w/ brown sugar, sesame oil, olive oil...garlic. love that kind. also macaroni salad and baked beans, cottage cheese....i dont know? im tired. also, cake! and brownies. (so what i had some)

watched old home movies. aww. its so good to look back at home videos. you dont really think about it, but i guarantee, later in life you will appreciate those old movies. even saw some 'wonder years' style footage of my dad and uncle and their friend don (who died). when they were young..its just interesting to sit with your family and watch memories. also

saw some old movies of sage as a little girl. so sweet. i want a kid. the thing with mike is....oh forget it this is acting up and i need a shower and go to bed i am so tired...

moss is annoying. i mean, he told me to msg sean phillips about being cast in a movie, but why? hes not going to put me in a movie? so i msgd him and sure enough, he told me he doesnt handle casting. so goofy....

anyways, yesterday i had rye toast w/almond butter for breakfast; tuna wrap for lunch, blueberries, and a swiss chard and polenta dinner.

so now im 142 lbs....i need to lose more weight. but i cant today is my dads bday we are goign there for dinner. cant work out today.

no money in the bank.

i dont know anymore?

i dont care! i love it! hey i made this video from my phone in the car. i look and sound like a weirdo. do you think i care!? NO!!!!!!!!!! i dont care!!! i love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC2hc1oqFyU&list=UUZKLD8VIGMqBgO2W8NIKgzw&index=1

oh you know whats weird when i went to upload it it said, 'im a 90s child' -that was one of the videos...weird huh?

heLLo

friday we walked to the greek fest with my parents we had some greek pastries, very yummy and sweet. saturday i had to work; 7-11am not bad, went by quickly. after i came home, went to the basement, took a nap. we didnt do much i dont know? we went to coplay pavillion to see scotts band play, the same place as the punk rock picnic last year. it was ok. i took some pics and videos i need to upload those soon. when that was done we went home and attempted to watch a movie but that failed. so nothing. sunday....what did we do? oh...cleaned. boring LAME boring mike doesnt understand, i NEED to enjoy the summer! i need excitement and adventure! romance and lazy summer days idk? anyways, what else? we grilled too. today i worked, made a good healthy dinner, salmon w. dill, lemon, garlic, and olive oil, pepper, sauteed onions, mushrooms, snap peas in olive oil with some tumeric and pepper...sesame seeds. oh yeah also had some squash too mixed in. sweet potato with some cinnamon. sweet potato has lots of minerals and potasssium moss says too many calories but its actually GOOD stuff for you! better than regular potato. took walk to return movie...chainsaw massacre 3D. you know whats funny mallory and i met bill mosely at comic con, she likes him, but he acted weird with her. the girl in the movie looks just like her. also, the dad in the beginning looks like someone i know, chops haha, and the one guy kind of looked like weston. i just thought that was funny and weird. 

sigh. time for bed...alreday? i need to get a mac cuz once i do i am def gonna be writing. i told mike im moving out come august but i dont think he believes me. i said if he doesnt change, and want to do stuff like camping and taking walks, then im done. i want to be with someone who wants to do fun stuff like that with me.





 

how did...???

clones in my coffee get 117 views? did i use any special key words or something??? weird

hi

hey-so...i dont know anymore? life isnt fun. and i love the summer. i just feel so......hopeless. i work all the time and while its a job, this is NOT what i want to do. i have been working, and eating healthy and working out every day. i lost 13 lbs lets say, in 2 months? i was at 155 lbs but now i am 142, and i feel better. i still need to lose more weight tho. i also stopped drinking alchohol too. i dont need those extra calories plus i cant drink for a month since mike says so. oh mike. i am so sick of him. i tell him all the time. he just doesnt make me feel good. he doesnt make me happy. he made me really upset, like usual. we went to dennys but he just talks down to me. im sick of it. im sick of not feeling fulfilled mentally. im just sick of him. hes boring. we went to see scotts band play at the coplay park. then we came home after and that was it. attempted to watch a movie but he just was being bitchy he started falling asleep i was like, 'sit next to me' but he said, 'i dont want too' all grumpy. im so nice, chill, pleasant, yet hes always so grumpy, and never wants to talk or anything ,and he acts like i nag at him. im done. i want to be with someone who exhilerates me, and makes me feel excited and happy to be around, and who is happy to be around me. i need good conversation, i need to have mutual respect etc etc etc and mike just doesnt care about me and anything i have to say is stupid im stupid blah blah blah. i dont even joke around with him cuz he never laughs at jokes i make, which is never..not with him. he thinks im this horrible, lazy, selfish, nagging person. he mocks me and teases me by saying lisa or saying 'oh my god! in that way when you see a super hot girl, 'oh my god!' and i like watching shows with hot girls cuz i like looking at hot girls! why not? it inspires me to keep up at the gym and stuff i want to look and feel good for myself! so what!? 

im very tired tho. ahh im going to bed! at least i have the day off tomorrow! the sabbath! 

-_-










 

Purple Smokey Eyes

i like how she does makeup i want to start doing my eyes in that cool eyeshadowy way doughy!!! DOUGHYYYYYYY DO THE DOUGIE!! TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE GIRL TEACH ME!??????? yo