Thursday, February 28, 2019
instagram starter pack
Instagram eyebrows, calvin klein underwear, must include recording of watching an episode of 'Friends' on their instastories. Numerous bathroom selfies
Feeling acknowledged and appreciated.
It really is a good thing, to feel acknowledged and appreciated. I have done a few nice gestures, but it only went by unnoticed. Not as if someone does something nice to get noticed, but it is nice to feel appreciated. I am going to do a vlog about how I feel. I'm not much of a creep, you see. I am just me. I wish I can get recognition for being me. On one of my videos on my main youtube channel...I did a food bank one. Ugh, so many rude and nasty comments!??
At work, customers have told management that I was very helpful, but management never informed the place where you are supposed too. I should of got my picture taken and had something written about me, sort of like, 'employee of the month', but it went unnoticed. This happened twice.
I also helped out a girl from the bleybers group. she is a teacher and wanted people to donate childrens books and such to send to other countries or something. I went out of my way and bought books and sent them to her. I noticed later that she unfriended me on FB. I also won a videogame on that dinner and a videogame twitch with aaron bleayart. i dont have xbox so i gave the prize to another member. last night was another twitch stream and i asked him if he got it, he said, not that game, but resident evil 2. i would of loved to of gotten THAT game, but i asked if he could have the prize instead of me. that was nice of me, but i get no recognition over it.
i just get bummed when i go to that twitch stream. i feel like i come across as this psycho, mentally distraught person (i dont say anything weird)..but i hold back. i really feel hurt and upset.
It really is a good thing, to feel acknowledged and appreciated. I have done a few nice gestures, but it only went by unnoticed. Not as if someone does something nice to get noticed, but it is nice to feel appreciated. I am going to do a vlog about how I feel. I'm not much of a creep, you see. I am just me. I wish I can get recognition for being me. On one of my videos on my main youtube channel...I did a food bank one. Ugh, so many rude and nasty comments!??
At work, customers have told management that I was very helpful, but management never informed the place where you are supposed too. I should of got my picture taken and had something written about me, sort of like, 'employee of the month', but it went unnoticed. This happened twice.
I also helped out a girl from the bleybers group. she is a teacher and wanted people to donate childrens books and such to send to other countries or something. I went out of my way and bought books and sent them to her. I noticed later that she unfriended me on FB. I also won a videogame on that dinner and a videogame twitch with aaron bleayart. i dont have xbox so i gave the prize to another member. last night was another twitch stream and i asked him if he got it, he said, not that game, but resident evil 2. i would of loved to of gotten THAT game, but i asked if he could have the prize instead of me. that was nice of me, but i get no recognition over it.
i just get bummed when i go to that twitch stream. i feel like i come across as this psycho, mentally distraught person (i dont say anything weird)..but i hold back. i really feel hurt and upset.
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
TOKYO CAPSULE HOTEL TOUR
i want to go to japan! id stay a night in a capsule hotel, for sure! I JUST WANT to travel......mann. and im getting sick of working at walmart...sick of living here. well...i have my own place, its nice! oh we will see. but japan YES
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
found a site for selling feet pics..(ooh i can also do that on patreon)
https://www.dollarfeet.com/#1510737904527-b744ac1b-0178
https://www.dollarfeet.com/#1510737904527-b744ac1b-0178
How to Sell Pictures of Your Feet
i have high arches..i can start selling feet pics too lol. why not? i should start making profiles for my feet...need to start getting pedicures tho. i was going to do a foot photoshoot once and the guy was going to send me money to get a pedicure. i dont know what happened there...? i have done a foot photoshoot before. lol
oh , here is a link to another big smoking channels patreon..
https://www.patreon.com/GirlandCigarette
hey eventually i dont have to just do it, i can pay models to smoke just like this channel does, some guys want custom videos, smoking instructions etc...
just watching a female smoke i forget what the term is...i need to read more about it i get suggestions all the time its weird
(wet hair, licking the side of the cigarette, blowing out through nose, wearing dish gloves.. etc)
https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/thats-my-fetish-cigarette-smoking
https://www.patreon.com/GirlandCigarette
hey eventually i dont have to just do it, i can pay models to smoke just like this channel does, some guys want custom videos, smoking instructions etc...
just watching a female smoke i forget what the term is...i need to read more about it i get suggestions all the time its weird
(wet hair, licking the side of the cigarette, blowing out through nose, wearing dish gloves.. etc)
https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/thats-my-fetish-cigarette-smoking
Entreprenuers
Thanks to the internet, people are easily able to become an entreprenuer. Within the past few months, I have been, to be it sharply, solicitated by a few...of course, they will always be friendly and approachable. As I have said before, my friend Scotti invited me to an Arbonne party. It was her hairstyle friend Angeline who was hosting it. She made us some tea using Arbonne's own digestive tea, and we all sat down. She offered cookies and proceeded to inform us about the products she was selling, right at her kitchen table. She explained to us the skinwear, makeup and nutrition. She then made us smoothies using the Arbonne vanilla powder mix. After enjoying a smoothie, we wiped off our makeup. Scotti had on makeup that did not compliment her at all. Her bronzer was too much, and it made her look clownish. Angeline wiped off her makeup, on that particular fall day, and put on a more natural sheen of makeup. She also did mine as well. This was very reminiscent of Mary Kay and Avon. Selling makeup and skincare, woman to woman. The prices were expensive however, and I was not able to order anything, until tonight. I decided to go with these vitamin fizzers that you add to a bottled water. 55.00 for a box of them!?
Sunday morning, I had went to my friend Natasha's essential oils party. I also went because I had seen her posting pictures of her house on instagram, and I was really curious about her house. It would look so cute and quaint, with a log cabin like feel to it. Natasha is a very earthy, hippie girl, who just recently cut off her own dreadlocks. I parked outside her house. There was a front porch with a cute, log cabin rocking chair, and a horseshoe hanging up on the door. It was so cute! Even driving there, the backroads of rich country, New Jersey, was just so awesome! There was a magical fog, with barren trees painting it. When I arrived, she warmly greeted me with a hug, andd took my coat. I met the other girl, Arielle (I forget her name actually). She was from Italy. I asked her because she had an accent. There were some snacks spread out, such as cucumbers, celery, grapes, oranges, no corn blue tortilla chips, brownies made with a dash of peppermint oil, salsa and hummus. Coffee and tea as well. Her dog Tuna did tricks, jumping up and spinning for a cucumber. The house was a little cold, but later she would put some wood in the wood burner fireplace for a little ritual we would do. Her sister in law showed up as well. She was outgoing and loud, but nice. We all sat down on the futon couches, as Nataasha explained to us more about the heart chakra and other chakras as well. It was a nice little lesson, complimented by an easel and her own writings and illustrations. We then did a meditation, where we layed on yoga mats. I was looking up at the lofty ceiling, with ceiling windows and the morning foggy, overcast light breathing inside. I saw a few flags hanging off the high ceiling. She told us to close our eyes and proceeded to curate a picture of walking through a meadow into a woods, finally uncovering a lotus flower which melded into our bodies. We are love.
When we opened our eyes, we felt revived, refreshed. Her sister in law was actually in tears, I had tears but that was because my eyes were watery. I felt and heard her cat sniffing at my face, it was relaxing and ticklish, (when I was laying down.)
IM GETTING TOO LAZY TOO TYPE MORE!!! hmm but yeah...i had syncs later that day. GREEN is the color of the HEART chakra. when we first got there, she had a picture of a SUNFLOWER, that she kept talking about. on the ride there, the song SUNFLOWER by post malone came on in the car. (she says there is a movie where the girl liked sunflowers ill have to watch it)...well, after wards, on the way to davids bridal, i kept seeing HEARTS (such as on the billboard for the hospital)..there was a mascot waving around a sign he was all GREEN, and I noticed a HEART in the logo for burlington. heart is about LOVE, also weddings are a sanction and unity of love. so it was all connected.
she told us about the oils and such...tonight i purchased a lavender oil roller ball. i want to get frankincense or the other one for pain but i forget what its called.
miki spies keeps trying to get me to sign back up to her program. small fee of 88.00 a month. she uses high pressure tactics. another girl was trying to get me to get her stuff.
ok so...heres the thing. moss sent me a bunch of links about how some girls make over 1000.00 A DAY just for selling sexy snaps on snapchat. he sent me all kinds of links on how they are in control and sell clips and what not. ok great, but that is for webcamming and sex stuff really. plus, they were able to get a fanbase. here is when i am starting to feel like i can profit. my smoking channel on youtube is growing. i get new subs everyday. its really guys who likes to watch girls smoke. its a fetish actually, one of the commenters answered another girls question and explained what the fetish is actually called....
So in one of the articles, say, a female performer will have a monthly fee of 5.00-10.00 a month. Depending on how many subscribe, they can rake in ALOT OF MONEY!
on that channel, my videos will get 300-30k views within a month..(the first one has 30k views!??) and within a week i see the videos already have about 4k views. Here is what I am thinking..
START A PATREON!! I get alot of requests for custom videos you see..
If I start a Patreon for smoking content and customized videos, I'm thinking, I can make some extra money. If I have it for 10.00 a month subscription...then multiply. 10x100=1000. I can make 1000.00 extra bucks a month, that is, if I have 100 subbers. Maybe I start out low, well, that is still extra money you know? It seems like alot of work tho...I would always be making videos...but that is where the mindframe for success comes in. It doesn't just happen overnight. You have to work at it, build your brand up! Eventually, 100 can grow into 500 subs...that would be 5000.00 a month! 1000 subs, 10k a month! And so on and so on.
I was thinking, it doesn't always have to be me. I can bring in other girls, smokers, and pay them too..but this will be if I can afford too. I'm really just..trying to figure shit out.
I feel very insecure about myself and not confident in me..like, do I have what people would want to see? But then I log into that channel, and I see comment and comments of compliments after the other.
I am going to continue to make videos for that channel and hopefully something will come out of it. At 1000 subs to youtube, I can start making money off of ad revenue (at least that is what I am hoping for!?? because years ago, I was banned from adsense!??) eehhh..im nervous about it.
Hey, the internet is a great place to become your own entrepreneur. Why not??
Sunday morning, I had went to my friend Natasha's essential oils party. I also went because I had seen her posting pictures of her house on instagram, and I was really curious about her house. It would look so cute and quaint, with a log cabin like feel to it. Natasha is a very earthy, hippie girl, who just recently cut off her own dreadlocks. I parked outside her house. There was a front porch with a cute, log cabin rocking chair, and a horseshoe hanging up on the door. It was so cute! Even driving there, the backroads of rich country, New Jersey, was just so awesome! There was a magical fog, with barren trees painting it. When I arrived, she warmly greeted me with a hug, andd took my coat. I met the other girl, Arielle (I forget her name actually). She was from Italy. I asked her because she had an accent. There were some snacks spread out, such as cucumbers, celery, grapes, oranges, no corn blue tortilla chips, brownies made with a dash of peppermint oil, salsa and hummus. Coffee and tea as well. Her dog Tuna did tricks, jumping up and spinning for a cucumber. The house was a little cold, but later she would put some wood in the wood burner fireplace for a little ritual we would do. Her sister in law showed up as well. She was outgoing and loud, but nice. We all sat down on the futon couches, as Nataasha explained to us more about the heart chakra and other chakras as well. It was a nice little lesson, complimented by an easel and her own writings and illustrations. We then did a meditation, where we layed on yoga mats. I was looking up at the lofty ceiling, with ceiling windows and the morning foggy, overcast light breathing inside. I saw a few flags hanging off the high ceiling. She told us to close our eyes and proceeded to curate a picture of walking through a meadow into a woods, finally uncovering a lotus flower which melded into our bodies. We are love.
When we opened our eyes, we felt revived, refreshed. Her sister in law was actually in tears, I had tears but that was because my eyes were watery. I felt and heard her cat sniffing at my face, it was relaxing and ticklish, (when I was laying down.)
IM GETTING TOO LAZY TOO TYPE MORE!!! hmm but yeah...i had syncs later that day. GREEN is the color of the HEART chakra. when we first got there, she had a picture of a SUNFLOWER, that she kept talking about. on the ride there, the song SUNFLOWER by post malone came on in the car. (she says there is a movie where the girl liked sunflowers ill have to watch it)...well, after wards, on the way to davids bridal, i kept seeing HEARTS (such as on the billboard for the hospital)..there was a mascot waving around a sign he was all GREEN, and I noticed a HEART in the logo for burlington. heart is about LOVE, also weddings are a sanction and unity of love. so it was all connected.
she told us about the oils and such...tonight i purchased a lavender oil roller ball. i want to get frankincense or the other one for pain but i forget what its called.
miki spies keeps trying to get me to sign back up to her program. small fee of 88.00 a month. she uses high pressure tactics. another girl was trying to get me to get her stuff.
ok so...heres the thing. moss sent me a bunch of links about how some girls make over 1000.00 A DAY just for selling sexy snaps on snapchat. he sent me all kinds of links on how they are in control and sell clips and what not. ok great, but that is for webcamming and sex stuff really. plus, they were able to get a fanbase. here is when i am starting to feel like i can profit. my smoking channel on youtube is growing. i get new subs everyday. its really guys who likes to watch girls smoke. its a fetish actually, one of the commenters answered another girls question and explained what the fetish is actually called....
So in one of the articles, say, a female performer will have a monthly fee of 5.00-10.00 a month. Depending on how many subscribe, they can rake in ALOT OF MONEY!
on that channel, my videos will get 300-30k views within a month..(the first one has 30k views!??) and within a week i see the videos already have about 4k views. Here is what I am thinking..
START A PATREON!! I get alot of requests for custom videos you see..
If I start a Patreon for smoking content and customized videos, I'm thinking, I can make some extra money. If I have it for 10.00 a month subscription...then multiply. 10x100=1000. I can make 1000.00 extra bucks a month, that is, if I have 100 subbers. Maybe I start out low, well, that is still extra money you know? It seems like alot of work tho...I would always be making videos...but that is where the mindframe for success comes in. It doesn't just happen overnight. You have to work at it, build your brand up! Eventually, 100 can grow into 500 subs...that would be 5000.00 a month! 1000 subs, 10k a month! And so on and so on.
I was thinking, it doesn't always have to be me. I can bring in other girls, smokers, and pay them too..but this will be if I can afford too. I'm really just..trying to figure shit out.
I feel very insecure about myself and not confident in me..like, do I have what people would want to see? But then I log into that channel, and I see comment and comments of compliments after the other.
I am going to continue to make videos for that channel and hopefully something will come out of it. At 1000 subs to youtube, I can start making money off of ad revenue (at least that is what I am hoping for!?? because years ago, I was banned from adsense!??) eehhh..im nervous about it.
Hey, the internet is a great place to become your own entrepreneur. Why not??
so..i have been meaning to write about you know, plans. so tonight, i made a few videos, i uploaded them. i am almost at 1000 subscribers on my main channel! which means i may be able to get monetized. im trying! but...the logitech software's microphone decided to stop working.
i had a 6 pack of beer, (ok i bought more, just in case)...i had like, 5 beers but then im like, this is gross and i stopped drinking...im too tired. i will post about my ideas tomorrow tho. damnet. im so upset. :(
and tired. so im going to try to watch some asmr and what not and go to bed. i have bloodwork in the morning!
i had a 6 pack of beer, (ok i bought more, just in case)...i had like, 5 beers but then im like, this is gross and i stopped drinking...im too tired. i will post about my ideas tomorrow tho. damnet. im so upset. :(
and tired. so im going to try to watch some asmr and what not and go to bed. i have bloodwork in the morning!
Monday, February 25, 2019
FIRST TIME IN A 99 CENT STORE (FOLLOW ME AROUND)
i dont like this new thing she is doing where she acts like tim and eric..maria bamford..female comedian awkward weirdos. also, ugh its a CALIFORNIAN 99 cent store honey no! i have to film myself in an actual east coast 99cent store. (better!)..california is not a good...even the walmarts there are weird. i had more to write about but...everytime i click on her videos shes making mad cash. i filmed TWO VIDEOS uploaded them, and the logitech software is not allowing my microphone to work. im trying to put more effort into my damn fucking youtubes plus start a patreon because...hey money is in it! just ask trisha here...(im not saying im going to have as many as her..but, i think...i can work on making maybe a little over a grand a month, by having a patreon) more on that later tho! k bye!
ok so..i am trying to change my thought process. entreprenuers. changing your thoughts to manifest success! but before i write about all that, i do want to share some things. ok if i want something, i know what i want and i go and get it. well, i dont normally get friends requests from women that i do not know in real life, but i added one who is obviously offering a service. i didnt want to add her but i did, now she sees me as a potential customer. well...i hate sales pitches, i hate doing sales..etc etc..but success is built on building a brand. miki spies messages me from time to time, trying to get me to rejoin her fairytale site, 88.00 a month. so, if she has say, 50 subscribers..shes making 4400.00 a month. this girl is messaging me about doing a subsciption to her weight loss pills.
ok so, i went to that arbonne thing, with scotti. i met angelicca who is really cool and it was fun having my makeup done. i will support her by buying some arbonne products. today, i went to natashas home, (i will write more about that later)...and i will support her by buying some essential oils. mostly, the ones that help alleviate pains.
well, this girl wants me to buy her diet pills. see, the thing is, its a fine line into being cool and friendly, no pressure..and being annoying..i feel like that brought my energy levels down. and then i told mike about goals i have, and he told me i wont be able to do it. knocking my energy levels down.
earlier, i felt so good about things. so positive! im tired. i need rest but i will explain more tomorow.
ok so, i went to that arbonne thing, with scotti. i met angelicca who is really cool and it was fun having my makeup done. i will support her by buying some arbonne products. today, i went to natashas home, (i will write more about that later)...and i will support her by buying some essential oils. mostly, the ones that help alleviate pains.
well, this girl wants me to buy her diet pills. see, the thing is, its a fine line into being cool and friendly, no pressure..and being annoying..i feel like that brought my energy levels down. and then i told mike about goals i have, and he told me i wont be able to do it. knocking my energy levels down.
earlier, i felt so good about things. so positive! im tired. i need rest but i will explain more tomorow.
Friday, February 22, 2019
i should make an...ASMR styled transvestigation..with a little bit of house tour mixed in with mukbang, as well as a makeup tutorial and a bit of mandela effect (although..i have not watched any mandela effect videos in a while)...or makeup tutorials. im just bored of youtube and feel like mixing them all together...
Thursday, February 21, 2019
i need to start on my VISION BOARD! air bnbs and travelling!
and wedding dresses and stuff like that. we dont even have a wedding date. mike does not want to agree with my suggestions. i say may or june he wants to wait until august or october.
i want to get married sooner...and he thinks next october is good? no. if we cant agree on a set date then we shouldnt even be getting married. he is more concerned about the florida trip.
also..not even sure if he really is the one i want to get married too. but im gonna be moving back in with him, but i hate it there. its so cold and dark and dismal.
i just want to explore life. i need someone to explore life with me. i also do want to have a kid..but...we will see what happens.
i feel so stuck..my feet are stuck in quicksand.
nah jk. everything will work out. i do want to do more photoshoots. i can just get a good camera and have someone take pictures of me. mike wont tho. he gets bored and impatient. or if i make a video he will start to cut me off.
im trying to think!
and wedding dresses and stuff like that. we dont even have a wedding date. mike does not want to agree with my suggestions. i say may or june he wants to wait until august or october.
i want to get married sooner...and he thinks next october is good? no. if we cant agree on a set date then we shouldnt even be getting married. he is more concerned about the florida trip.
also..not even sure if he really is the one i want to get married too. but im gonna be moving back in with him, but i hate it there. its so cold and dark and dismal.
i just want to explore life. i need someone to explore life with me. i also do want to have a kid..but...we will see what happens.
i feel so stuck..my feet are stuck in quicksand.
nah jk. everything will work out. i do want to do more photoshoots. i can just get a good camera and have someone take pictures of me. mike wont tho. he gets bored and impatient. or if i make a video he will start to cut me off.
im trying to think!
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Transvestigation: female characters in Breaking Bad
ahh breaking bad. such a staple. i actually used to hang out with jay a lot, (he's alot of fun and super nice and we always did fun things like cook and drink beer and watch youtube and movies)...and we watched breaking bad as well. hes a chemistry teacher too so he really liked this show. but anyways, aww im never going to hang out with him again wtf...what is life? you know? but i never thought of these characters as secret transgenders. i met most of the male actors on this show at the BB wrap party. i didnt meet the 'female' ones tho, they werent around.
but anyways...hmm...i dont know anymore
but anyways...hmm...i dont know anymore
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Homemade Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice
ha! wouldnt ya know? its as simple as that. boy i sure feel like an idiot!
plans and such
So, Mike Spies messaged me again, (I keep writing Mike..Miki)...she wants me back in the program, but honestly, 85.00 a month is really too much for someone who doesnt make alot of money...you know? To pay to watch videos. plus i never found the time to really keep at it, because theres just so much ELSE to watch..and i am not a vegan nor will i see me ever being one..i mean, yes, i can and will eat more vegetables..idk. i subbed to their youtube channel...but seriously..its about manifesting your destiny..
heres their site if anyone is interested..
https://www.fashionafairytale.com/home
the thing i would like to manifest, is actually getting payed online, somehow. i want to change up my youtube channels. i have my personal one, (home movie sort of deals)..my main one..(most subs, randomness)...my asmr one (i want to make more asmr)...my smoking one, (gets the most views and is growing..however, i dont want to feel like i have to always make smoking videos and i dont even know if those will get ads on them...i get alot of requests for custom videos tho and i actually just did a custom video for a viewer it was asmr abduction and i got 20.00 for it. theres another guy who pays 20.00 via paypal for making HIM smoke, 10 minutes..but im too lazy to do those. i have my transvestigation one too...oh btw..ha! ill say in a second.
i was watching E! on roku, and i watched botched..the girl went to a sex doll shop so they can use her body as a mold for sex toys, and out of curiousity, i was wondering if they have sex doll porn, so i went to pornhub and typed it in and sure enough THEY DO!??
there's a guy on there , called real doll sex lover or something...and he said he makes so much money from posting his videos on there. wtf? so im thinking about how you make money on pornhub..and i see they have live cams..so i clicked on some of them. its always the girls sitting around looking bored. how they make money? i have thought about webcamming but i do not have the patience. it seems like it can be a cushy job, you work from home...but i dont know. im too lazy and i do not have the right personality for it? plus it is sex work..im assuming. who knows..?? i dont know.
anyways, so on a new episode of busy tonight..(my transvestigation videos gets 100s of views..but..i feel like its just, mean. but its not meant to be. its meant to show what is going on..)
i try not to make them mean..but i made one on busy phillips...so...on todays show, she says the area where the vulva and vagina is, is called the MOUND..then she said, "its like the candy, (mounds)..sometimes you feel like a NUT, sometimes you dont"...that was a really weird thing to say, and it didnt make sense. and the way she said it, she sounded like a gay man...idk. i watch her show tho...then, at the end, when she was singing, she said, "you will love it like a pizza', which was weird because i had posted a picture of the valentines day card mike got me (this episode was the day after vday..i watch it on roku so i watch a few shows later after they aired)..the card had a pizza and it said, 'i love you like a pizza' or something like that...and before i saw HIS card, i asked mike to bring over the new little ceasers pretzel pizza...without knowing a pepperoni pizza was going to be on the card SYNC!! but yeah...i felt like that was a reference to me...but i dont know...
its like..okkkkk...idk
i make alot of videos of me drinking a beer on youtube, but im going to change my main channels format and make it more of a mukbang channel. i can change the name to "Lula Eats" or something..yummy time with Lula! Hey I like that! or maybe i can just make a new youtube channel dedicated to eating. im going to quit drinking too. every week, when i think about buying beer, im going to put that money into my paypal account. its just getting too expensive, and it messes my next day up. like, i dont feel like doing anything. i think an eating channel will be more fun and also focusing on my asmr channel too. i want to get a green screen. but anyways...thats the juice! now im going to watch a youtube video on how to make homemade orange juice~
chow!
heres their site if anyone is interested..
https://www.fashionafairytale.com/home
the thing i would like to manifest, is actually getting payed online, somehow. i want to change up my youtube channels. i have my personal one, (home movie sort of deals)..my main one..(most subs, randomness)...my asmr one (i want to make more asmr)...my smoking one, (gets the most views and is growing..however, i dont want to feel like i have to always make smoking videos and i dont even know if those will get ads on them...i get alot of requests for custom videos tho and i actually just did a custom video for a viewer it was asmr abduction and i got 20.00 for it. theres another guy who pays 20.00 via paypal for making HIM smoke, 10 minutes..but im too lazy to do those. i have my transvestigation one too...oh btw..ha! ill say in a second.
i was watching E! on roku, and i watched botched..the girl went to a sex doll shop so they can use her body as a mold for sex toys, and out of curiousity, i was wondering if they have sex doll porn, so i went to pornhub and typed it in and sure enough THEY DO!??
there's a guy on there , called real doll sex lover or something...and he said he makes so much money from posting his videos on there. wtf? so im thinking about how you make money on pornhub..and i see they have live cams..so i clicked on some of them. its always the girls sitting around looking bored. how they make money? i have thought about webcamming but i do not have the patience. it seems like it can be a cushy job, you work from home...but i dont know. im too lazy and i do not have the right personality for it? plus it is sex work..im assuming. who knows..?? i dont know.
anyways, so on a new episode of busy tonight..(my transvestigation videos gets 100s of views..but..i feel like its just, mean. but its not meant to be. its meant to show what is going on..)
i try not to make them mean..but i made one on busy phillips...so...on todays show, she says the area where the vulva and vagina is, is called the MOUND..then she said, "its like the candy, (mounds)..sometimes you feel like a NUT, sometimes you dont"...that was a really weird thing to say, and it didnt make sense. and the way she said it, she sounded like a gay man...idk. i watch her show tho...then, at the end, when she was singing, she said, "you will love it like a pizza', which was weird because i had posted a picture of the valentines day card mike got me (this episode was the day after vday..i watch it on roku so i watch a few shows later after they aired)..the card had a pizza and it said, 'i love you like a pizza' or something like that...and before i saw HIS card, i asked mike to bring over the new little ceasers pretzel pizza...without knowing a pepperoni pizza was going to be on the card SYNC!! but yeah...i felt like that was a reference to me...but i dont know...
its like..okkkkk...idk
i make alot of videos of me drinking a beer on youtube, but im going to change my main channels format and make it more of a mukbang channel. i can change the name to "Lula Eats" or something..yummy time with Lula! Hey I like that! or maybe i can just make a new youtube channel dedicated to eating. im going to quit drinking too. every week, when i think about buying beer, im going to put that money into my paypal account. its just getting too expensive, and it messes my next day up. like, i dont feel like doing anything. i think an eating channel will be more fun and also focusing on my asmr channel too. i want to get a green screen. but anyways...thats the juice! now im going to watch a youtube video on how to make homemade orange juice~
chow!
Monday, February 18, 2019
Rusty ASMR with Salad Fingers
omg YES! the memories!!! 2005 all over again! aw cant believe it. theres a new salad fingers out too i see. i used to watch these with shannan all the time!
Friday, February 15, 2019
i want to do some more photoshoots! i want to have a gray sweatshirt, pearls...also like, a faded denim skirt, and nude pantyhose. and like, high heels or sneakers or something.
i just want to have some really unique looks....like a grey loose fitting top, a skirt, and white thigh highs with garters. something really weird and interesting.
i need to join the gym i really want to lose weight!! so..i dont know. but i do have some photoshoot ideas i want to do.
i also want to do some summery ones next to a pool....
also like, a blazer and business style..
i need to get my good camera fixed but i need someone to take pictures of me. mike is too lazy to do that. ughh...
i just want to have some really unique looks....like a grey loose fitting top, a skirt, and white thigh highs with garters. something really weird and interesting.
i need to join the gym i really want to lose weight!! so..i dont know. but i do have some photoshoot ideas i want to do.
i also want to do some summery ones next to a pool....
also like, a blazer and business style..
i need to get my good camera fixed but i need someone to take pictures of me. mike is too lazy to do that. ughh...
15 YEAR OLD MOM WINTER MORNING ROUTINE
heres her and her baby and her morning routine...im just trying to think back in high school...i mean, this girl is still supposed to be in high school, you know?? just weird...
HOW I TRICK PEOPLE INTO THINKING I'M ATTRACTIVE
this girl is 15 and shes a mom. she has a little baby. she wears a full face of makeup every day wth? it makes her look much older...but you can clearly see her without makeup, she looks very young. shes 15!?? wtf? when i was 15, i did not have a mommy nightly routine, or a full face makeup routine!?? i couldnt imagine being a mom at that age, i was still a virgin! i mean..really!? also, my makeup was some hastily applied eyeliner and mascara..i would put eyeliner on first and then the eyeshadow. never wore foundation. maybe some chapstick. sighhh...nowadays, teenagers are filming their daily routines and posting it. i mean, at least shes a young mother, she wont be all old like i will when i finally have my baby. but still...15? and wearing a full face of makeup and also a mommy? eehh..what happened to kids/teenagers nowadays? when i was a teenager, i used to always write teen dramas..hs stuff. now tho, cant relate. but yeah, i would like to write a high school kind of story.
Thursday, February 14, 2019
russian doll thoughts
I keep reading reddits of russian doll.
I think I hit my head or something because I keep getting pains in my head every now and then..
Upon first opinion, Russian Doll seems like another hilarious show to watch on Netflix. However, there are signs and messages to pay attention to, such as, why does Nadia drink an egg yolk? This is reminiscent, (at least to me), of the first scene in the Never-ending Story, which, presumably, her and Alan are living. It seems to be a never-ending loop of purgatory.
There are many theories on what is actually going on within the confines of Russian Doll. Different timelines? Or just getting smaller, as a Russian Doll does..or, a literal MK;d russian doll.
Could this show be triggering at Natasha Lyonne's own suffering with dissociative identity disorder. She has went through drug problems in the past, and this character is a 'cockroach', one that will do anything, any drug, anywhere (sounds like a beta slave trigger)...
There are little hidden messages, and I did not notice, (or maybe I did)...apparently in her house, it says WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!
This phrase itself is a trigger to wake someone up from a haze of a dream or a fake scenario. WAKE UP!
Some theories theorize that her character is actually dead, and going through some layers to help figure out what is holding her back from transistioning, to the end SPOILER, where she joins the others in a parade celebrating the dead.
In the beginning, first episode, first time she assumably dies, she recognizes the character HORSE. Could she of already died even before the first episode? Everyone she encounters may of just been a remnant, a memory, of those she knew in her living life, however, these people are really just a shell of a person...a written character in a show made for Netflix that is..such as Maxine, who really does not have any substance, or her ex, who she feels just cannot let her go...
The ending where Alan was on the other side of the mirror, could be just another part of her somehow...and her mind just made it up? To cope with dying...
IMMA READ MORE! this is definately some MK imagery
I think I hit my head or something because I keep getting pains in my head every now and then..
Upon first opinion, Russian Doll seems like another hilarious show to watch on Netflix. However, there are signs and messages to pay attention to, such as, why does Nadia drink an egg yolk? This is reminiscent, (at least to me), of the first scene in the Never-ending Story, which, presumably, her and Alan are living. It seems to be a never-ending loop of purgatory.
There are many theories on what is actually going on within the confines of Russian Doll. Different timelines? Or just getting smaller, as a Russian Doll does..or, a literal MK;d russian doll.
Could this show be triggering at Natasha Lyonne's own suffering with dissociative identity disorder. She has went through drug problems in the past, and this character is a 'cockroach', one that will do anything, any drug, anywhere (sounds like a beta slave trigger)...
There are little hidden messages, and I did not notice, (or maybe I did)...apparently in her house, it says WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!
This phrase itself is a trigger to wake someone up from a haze of a dream or a fake scenario. WAKE UP!
Some theories theorize that her character is actually dead, and going through some layers to help figure out what is holding her back from transistioning, to the end SPOILER, where she joins the others in a parade celebrating the dead.
In the beginning, first episode, first time she assumably dies, she recognizes the character HORSE. Could she of already died even before the first episode? Everyone she encounters may of just been a remnant, a memory, of those she knew in her living life, however, these people are really just a shell of a person...a written character in a show made for Netflix that is..such as Maxine, who really does not have any substance, or her ex, who she feels just cannot let her go...
The ending where Alan was on the other side of the mirror, could be just another part of her somehow...and her mind just made it up? To cope with dying...
IMMA READ MORE! this is definately some MK imagery
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
spoilers a few things i was wondering about, software code, computer design...
in bandersnatch, he was a video game developer in the 80s she is a video game designer during this time, im assuming, although...the letters for the title are retro like...
the homeless guy, (called HORSE..???) was a developer for the dark web..
maybe they knew each other somehow? alan saw code on the big painting, numbers.
numbers hold a very important key and factor in the code to this world, life, universe...
and i should go to sleep. these thoughts are also placed by other peoples thoughts in the unwinding world of reddit.
in bandersnatch, he was a video game developer in the 80s she is a video game designer during this time, im assuming, although...the letters for the title are retro like...
the homeless guy, (called HORSE..???) was a developer for the dark web..
maybe they knew each other somehow? alan saw code on the big painting, numbers.
numbers hold a very important key and factor in the code to this world, life, universe...
and i should go to sleep. these thoughts are also placed by other peoples thoughts in the unwinding world of reddit.
hey, fenella! what was the show you told me to watch? was it called 'awake'..you still awake? lol
but yeah the show where its about several different timelines? there is also one on amazon prime, about how the holocaust never happened ahh i have to think of the name....
you were telling me about some show tho...or you gave me a link to watch. i watched it oh yes! the plane..where they appear 5 years later after disappearing. oh i have to watch that! oh man, heres a link:
https://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/awake/324791/
heres another show that sounds interesting about a missing woman
https://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/the-oa/782950/
https://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/dark/908037/
but yeah the show where its about several different timelines? there is also one on amazon prime, about how the holocaust never happened ahh i have to think of the name....
you were telling me about some show tho...or you gave me a link to watch. i watched it oh yes! the plane..where they appear 5 years later after disappearing. oh i have to watch that! oh man, heres a link:
https://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/awake/324791/
heres another show that sounds interesting about a missing woman
https://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/the-oa/782950/
https://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/dark/908037/
yeah russian doll, i love reading reddits and comments and such, theories etc. i noticed a CHICKEN theme throughout..also, someone keeps comparing this show to bojack horseman. why? one of the characters on the show is called, 'horse'...it just made me think of that synchronicity blog, and how it was done on bojack horseman. i havent seen her blog in a while...
my dad is messaging me on two different messengers what the heck? everything is several timelines! so when mary was at my house, she noticed my zen fountain. she was like, 'is that a buddha?" as if i have false idols in my house. i like it because its peaceful. i dont see buddha as a false idol i just see them as calm and relaxing.
i was standing up and i felt something touch my back tho. the thing is, i do not feel as if my house is haunted. i feel it as safe and free from anything weird. but yes, weird things HAVE been happening here, but i dont feel scared. idk...
my dad is messaging me on two different messengers what the heck? everything is several timelines! so when mary was at my house, she noticed my zen fountain. she was like, 'is that a buddha?" as if i have false idols in my house. i like it because its peaceful. i dont see buddha as a false idol i just see them as calm and relaxing.
i was standing up and i felt something touch my back tho. the thing is, i do not feel as if my house is haunted. i feel it as safe and free from anything weird. but yes, weird things HAVE been happening here, but i dont feel scared. idk...
Pussy Riot - Organs
binged russian doll good show there are theories that when we die, we just get shifted into another timeline. this show covers that. interesting stuff. how many times have we died and shifted? i dont have de ja vu about dying. what was weird is, in one of the eps, he said he died from some sort of liver failure. shannan is suffering from liver failure. but i visited her today she seems to be doing ok. oh i called 911 as a welfare check on her. i was worried about her.
wedding gowns
I tried on about 9 dresses, (Mary has all the pictures), but I am only going to post a few.
I can post here because no ones gonna look here. This is my safe corner of the internet I guess, lol!
I can post here because no ones gonna look here. This is my safe corner of the internet I guess, lol!
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| It's pretty, but not really my style? |
 |
| I like this but stephanie says its too young |
 |
| too wrinkly |
 |
| i liked this one but now looking at the pictures, makes me look too wide |
Monday, February 11, 2019
milarkie
So I just called 911 on shannan. today my cousin mary wanted to go to davids bridal so i can try on wedding dresses, and boy did i! beautiful! stunning! exquisite! i have never felt so beautiful in my life! BALLGOWN STYLE! but yeah so i made a youtube video, i titled it, "Monday Milarkie"...right now, i am watching Russian Doll on netflix. SHE JUST SAYS, BUNCH OF MILARKIE!
you see, i NEVER used that word in my life! before! I do not hear that word every day either...but today!?? MILARKIE!!!
mary asked me about all the celebrity parties i was at. no i never witnessed actual satanic occult rituals. i told her i did go to the breaking bad party, and it was at a masonic lodge and the cemetary. she asked me, did i see checkerboards? right now, i see...(in this show, russian doll) they are sitting at a CHECKERBOARD!)
mary asked me about all the celebrity parties i was at. no i never witnessed actual satanic occult rituals. i told her i did go to the breaking bad party, and it was at a masonic lodge and the cemetary. she asked me, did i see checkerboards? right now, i see...(in this show, russian doll) they are sitting at a CHECKERBOARD!)
the Q angle
i should start taking selfies at work. you see, when i look at myself in the full length mirror, i can clearly see my hips...the hips on a woman sit opposite crotch level, (think saddlebags, even tho that word is not very nice..)...see, real woman have this point. a man will have a seamless hip...which doesn't angle out at crotch level. it's quite simple, really. simple.
i want to make a video of all my selfies showing where my hips jut out..(which is made because the hips are wider on a woman to provide childbirth, and this is what makes that extra 'bag' of fat prominent in a true woman.
a man has a seamless leg...i want to make a video of myself (real woman)..and more real women with real hips, (i mean, im not sure what hips are are they the curve, the bone, or the saddlebag???)...and then pictures of celebrities who both do and don't for instance, beyonce posted on instagram a pic of her and jay z. weird, jay z is the one with the female hips and beyonce is the one with the seamless leg.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BttzBKJnrea/
i want to make a video of all my selfies showing where my hips jut out..(which is made because the hips are wider on a woman to provide childbirth, and this is what makes that extra 'bag' of fat prominent in a true woman.
a man has a seamless leg...i want to make a video of myself (real woman)..and more real women with real hips, (i mean, im not sure what hips are are they the curve, the bone, or the saddlebag???)...and then pictures of celebrities who both do and don't for instance, beyonce posted on instagram a pic of her and jay z. weird, jay z is the one with the female hips and beyonce is the one with the seamless leg.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BttzBKJnrea/
i know the superbowl was SOO last week, but as i said, (and later deleted)..it was weird because there was a commercial, and the song was, "I got a friend in Jesus", I just sang that song on one of my youtube videos, outkast performed, "I like the way you move", and I danced to that song in one of my older youtube videos. i mean...i dont know. this is weird. so, at work..SPOILERS about the movie glass ahead..let me just copy and paste what i posted to my fb synchronicity group HANG ON!!! although i am wondering, why use that song...i got a friend in Jesus, when the superbowl was all about fallen angel rituals...
(my engagement ring), so I went to show her, but she grabbed by wrist and said, "oh look! I have the same tattoo!" and she showed me her shamrock tattoo on her wrist. Later that day, a man said to me, "let me see your ink" (again, I thought he said ring, but he said ink), and he too, grabbed my wrist to look at my tattoo (I also have autumn leaves on that wrist)...well, during the movie, at one point, (here is the spoiler..but not really..), the psychiatrist holds her hand out to reveal a shamrock tattoo ON HER WRIST! it was to signify being part of some group. After the movie, I was telling my fiancee how sometimes I do feel like people do things deliberately to get my attention, such as grabbing my wrist in such a manner where later I will notice it and be like..."um, okkkk." but THAT'S...another story...have a good night!
i missed the grammys tonight..hopefully i can watch it somehow tomorrow. moss attempted to facetime it for a few minutes. they did a flashback of the grammys to an older one...and lo and behold, there's eddie palwick, standing up and clapping in the audience. wth??? hes always getting himself at these parties and awards shows. hes part of that hollywood 'party crashers' scene, but he unfriended me on fb now i dont see what hes up too. he would always post about how he would do another facebook washing and he would unfriend people he thinks are irrelevant to him or whatever. fuck it, if someone unfriends me THEIR LOSS! course i hardly post on fb anyways...i mean...whatever! im going to vegas in april for the ACM awards and then im going to LA to hang out for a bit. yeah, i know..mike. i had all this planned tho mike knows this. i also have lake tahoe and the celebrity golf tournament planned, mike and i are going to orlando in june..and also, FISHCENTER atlanta georgia, cuz i need to see williams place. it used to be so important to me, kind of like, willy wonka meeting the chocolate factory.
SUPERBOWL LIII THE PATRIOTS JUWES OF THE ANCIENT KRAFT
he does such a good job at depicting the symbolisms...mannn!!! also, i knew tonight would be more goddess worship and theres cardi b with her birth of venus dress. i went to terrys tonight and we had chicken marsala, i was not able to catch the grammys , but..i dont have cbs anyways so not sure how i would even watch it!??! last night..im too lazy to write its late. tomorrow.
Friday, February 8, 2019
Woman's Bedding not Washed for 100 Years | Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners...
i would love to see an actual castle but damn its a dusty mess. its haunted tho eehh
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
like i blathed last night, i said i feel there were hidden messages FOR ME??? during superbowl.
what else...oh, this is interesting..hidden symbolisms during the superbowl
https://gematria.codes/2019/02/03/super-bowl-53-decoded-gematria-study-and-illuminati-symbolism/
also a VC writeup about bandersnatch
https://vigilantcitizen.com/moviesandtv/the-deeper-meaning-of-black-mirror-bandersnatch/
what else...oh, this is interesting..hidden symbolisms during the superbowl
https://gematria.codes/2019/02/03/super-bowl-53-decoded-gematria-study-and-illuminati-symbolism/
also a VC writeup about bandersnatch
https://vigilantcitizen.com/moviesandtv/the-deeper-meaning-of-black-mirror-bandersnatch/
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Being ugly : My Experience
whoa he looks like wayne. wayne has the same kind of situation as this guy. i blocked him, i guess he still texts jimmy calling him a deadbeat and all kinds of names. this guy is sincere i feel bad for him. he has some sort of capsule relief built up over his situation. i returned my chromebook and i am using a new cord that i bought, so...i now have to get used to the keypad placement again. ahh this guy tho, he also kind of looks like scott and i feel his side view looks like me?!? I have a weird look...so who knows? i dont care anymore. i walk around like a slob, i dont even wear makeup i wear my glasses. im sloppy. whatever
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