ok so...i told mike , "I'd like to go camping for my birthday"...and he responded like, 'you forgot about my last 3 birthdays" which was not true at all. then he kept acting like a dick so i was like forget it! Whatever! ?? i dont need him to do anything for me.

i just wish i could meet someone in my life who actually wants to see me happy. someone who would love to take me camping because they want me to feel special and plus they love it too! i mean , geez i am so sick of mike and his negativity. he always has to say things to spoil my mood. i told him my parents want to take my mom and i out for my bday he brings up a few years ago when he was being a pure jerk to me when we all went out to eat with them and my sister and matt. like, he says i was screaming at him no he was being a pure jerk to me. i am so over him!

im also getting over kyle, not like i was really into him because i hardly know him, but whenever he even walks by i just get this overwhelming sense of attraction,...but whatever he doesnt make an effort. 
hooking up with someone is not fun if there is no kind of flirtation or whatever...like, i saw him saturday and he gave sherry and i a ride home and i hooked up with him again, but whatever. 

i need to find a new job...try to meet someone who will respect me and want to make me happy and someone that i feel the same of course attraction is super important. 


im just over this bullshit. mike...this guy kyle. whatever fuck it


also i can join gym and lose weight, hot myself up, confident myself..etc etc do things for myself...whatever! live life right?

enough! im so over this fucking shit. 

thoughts on mario lopez

In hollywood, (as Moss was explaining), you are encouraged to speak your mind, yet..when your thoughts and opinions go against their agenda, you are demonized and forced to apologize. 3 year olds have no idea what they identify as, they are 3. Yes, Lila is 3 and she knows she is a girl. She could say something like she would want to dress like a little boy, but that does not mean the parent should start dressing her up as a boy. Lisa used to want to be a little boy, she cut her hair off and everything, but my parents didnt start dressing her as a boy. Especially do not start a small child on hormone blockers! That is abuse! They can easily change their mind. They are children! Mario Lopez basically just said he feels parents should not go out and transgender their child because they feel like they want to be opposite gender.

I agree with that, once they are older and understand what it is they want, then fine, but not a 3 year old!?? there may be a little boy who wants to wear dresses. fine let him, but dont start him up on hormone blockers. or a girl who wants to dress as a tomboy. i think mario confused gender identity with sexuality..i mean, a kid isnt thinking about sex

but for him saying his THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS, it became this big thing, and of course moss is all over it. then mario apologized and moss was like good he should of! Hollywood will not accept if you have a voice or thought different from theirs.

FUCK HOLLYWOOD!! IDGAF BOUT HOLLYWOOD! Fake hypocrites is what!??! mario lopez didnt even say anything wrong, and moss was comparing what he said to mel gibson or someone else..(i forget). it is dangerous to turn your daughter into a boy because she said she wants to be a boy or vice versa. it can be very traumatic and confusing and once they get older it will affect them. let a kid be a kid thats all. like charlize theron, dressing up her son in dresses all the time.

once the kid is old enough to be like, 'ok this is what i want' then fine. but do not transgender a 3 year old!?? 

anyways...what else...

Boy's Don't Cry - I Wanna Be A Cowboy

Need to make a new playlist. This song also the Bradley Cooper/Lady Gaga song and some more. Miss having playlists. Miss just chillin with friends at my own home..not always out at the bar. I stopped being a bar person in my 20s...for real tho. damnn

TransFormers - EP22: Transvestigation Of [FTM] Adam Levine

havent really been watching tranvestigations lately. got bored...and my channel got a strike but EWW JUST STOP!??!? GIRLS LIKE YOU? WHO? ME? IM A REAL FEMALE THANK GOODNESS!! CELEBRITIES ARE SO WEIRD!??!?



WHAT ELSE..so i used to be like, why all female celebrities look a certain way, have these bone-esque features and what not? its cuz they men also adam levine really does look like a lesbian in his shirtless photos..WOW THO just be you! why do they think they have to transgender them? do these celebrities know they are transgendered as well?? WTF

ASMR IN A LAB (at my work)

This is my kind of ASMR..it makes me wish I worked in a lab all by myself or something..gash danget

I just would like to meet someone who is interested in the same things as I am...such as...grilling, chilling, camping, tubing, swimming, exploring, photography, motorcycles, drinking beer in the cab of a pick up truck, country music, cornfields, 4-wheeling, day trips, airbnb, trips to NYC, stay at the jersey shore house with friends, rock music, rock climbing (idk??), hot air balloon rides, weird nj, youtubing, mukbanging, banging in general, banging outdoors, hot sex, must be hot, i must be super attracted to him like i am to kyle..oh my gosh. so, i never thought much of him, just that i always thought hes cute right? he's ap at my job (asset protection), meaning he overlooks the cameras, stops shoplifting, whatever else he does. hes super cute, blue eyes..anyways, he was at the house a few times but last time he brought me home and....yeah...so now im like, super turned on by him but at the same time, im starting to get over it! like, last week, i saw that he messaged me randomly of fb. cool! ok!??! he trying to get a hold of me? alright..

well i msg him back and he was being really like...not responsive. i sent him a friends request and he deleted it..and i saw him at work and he walked right past me but didnt even look at me. so im just like, ugh . ok well maybe if im out with sara or something at sand bar i will msg him and see if he wants to stop by also whatever..

im not gonna worry about it too much tho. i just really want to meet someone new and exciting, attraction is key and someone who finds me super interesting as well. i get attracted to people i work with because i see them all the time, but if they do not like...do anything to get my attention, im like. whatever..which is why i never thought too much about kyle but after that happened i was like, into him...but he doesnt bother with me so im going to get over him. thats just how i am. and guys dont really hit on me at work..but im busy anyways. i have to remember to bring this guys dvd back...he lent me 'the boy' and i never returned it. yeah i mean, guys have tried to get my attention i suppose..

damnet. it used to be so easy to find a guy to fixate on..nowadays, where!?? and i dont just become attracted to randoms. i have to see them on a consistent basis and feel them out, if they are diggin me and vice versa. not some average dude however. i posted a throwback pic and i have all these guys dm'ing me im like...no! why would i hang out with you? uh no thanks!???!

on another note, i honestly do not want to be with mike anymore. he just does not do it for me...i mean, my cousin sabastien is out here visiting with his son. mike met us at cicis pizza to apologize for being a dick to him last time he was out here, but heres the thing..everytime! it is me and friends or we are with other people, mike will just ramble on about the same topics..its cringe and him and i have no bond or connection. like, we just do not act like a couple.

we do not share our body movements, we do not mirror each other, heck, we dont even talk to each other. its not how a real couple behave , without thinking about it, with each other.

i want to find someone, be with someone and bring them to canada to meet me canadian friends and relatives. mike talks to my relatives, but he is not interested in them BECAUSE they are MY relatives,  get what im saying?

i want to be with someone who wants to LEARN about me and my family. etc and vice versa..so....i just dont feel it with mike. and i know i can be attracted to someone, problem is, i  need to find someone not only i am attracted too, but someone who is actually truly genuinely interested in me. and vice versa.

So, I got approved for monetization...again...for my youtube channel! Which I am excited about, however...due to this very blog, my adsense was banned. Many many years ago, (whenever this blog started)..2010. Thats when a friend and I learned about adsense, Sammi De. we didnt know any better and i got banned from adsense for strange clicks or whatever...i NEVER do that with my youtube channel however. im too embarrassed to share my yt channel on my fb. i really dont want people who know me to find my youtube channel OR my blog!!! so im not telling anyone to click on my videos. i sent an appeal to get my adsense reinstated. we will see. no one reads this blog..well, who knows?

so anyways, i am so turned on by that guy its so freaking weird. ugh i hate this! like..i want to msg him or something. i know a way to get him out of my system tho. he can be my fuckboy. ugh that word sucks HA but then after a while of just doing all the fuck stuff (idk haa)...i will start to get sick of feeling used and i will get turned off by him.

oh whatever im just like....im feelin it BAD!! WHAT THE HELL!??? i want to hang out with him or whatever. even just seeing him for a second i get all flustered.

im a weirdo i know!

you know..there is this guy at my work...and i always thought he was so cute..you know? like really hot to me idk shrug. anyways i had seen him at sand bar and he came over twice. hes the AP at walmart so that means that he watches all the cameras and he stops theft. but..last time, he was at sand bar, and i was super flirting with him and vice versa.and we hooked up. it was really hot now i cant stop thinking about him...ugh wtf!????

oh my gosh i just dont know what to do anymore. im worried too about people knowing..ahh whatever but...i really would like to hang out with him again or something. today he came through my line to purchase cigarettes. didnt know he smokes? i havent felt like this in a while but its this super like,,sense of attraction its so weird and its making me feel weird....

Creepy Uncle Joe Can't Control Himself

we've been talking about that pedophile jeffrey epstein in our group for years. underage girls. they are all pedos. he is friends with trump and the clintons. they knew what was going on. THEY ARE ALL PEDOS. IT IS PART OF WHAT THEY DO. SICK! THIS IS JOE BIDEN WHISPERING ABOUT HOW HARD THAT GIRL IS MAKING HIM. A GIRL!??

I was watching Happy Death Day 2...I got a few more syncs...

so I was wearing my blue fuzzy socks. she killed herself with bleach and she was wearing blue fuzzy socks, same as mine.

at one point, the girl who was pretending to be french spilled over a vase and all the marbles fell out he goes, 'marbles everywhere!'

in the movie it was about multiples of them, sort of mandela effect..so kind of like,,,shrodingers cat? so when he said, MARBLES EVERYWHERE it made me think of marble..and shes a cat! so many of marbles, everywhere!

remember how lori tried to poison her!?? yep they talked about that.

i like when they put familiarity into movies, it feels nice!