white bear and pretty baby

White Bear-Netflix

I kept seeing people talking about it, then I watched it.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

but FIRST!!! Playboy published nude photos of Brooke Shields when she was just 10 years old. How sick is that? Don't believe me? Google it. Brooke Shields has been very sexualized since a child. Poor thing.

https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2009/oct/03/brooke-shields-nude-child-photograph

It doesn't matter if she was a boy, it is still child exploitation.

Pretty Baby. The movie is about her being auctioned off as a child prostitute. WTF?

WHITE BEAR! SPOILERS!!

how many times have we read about ...nevermind. i am just going to read about it. maybe there are online discussions about this specific episode.


spoilers below



i advise you to watch the episode before you continue to read. its on netflix

(and there is a reddit discussion about this one too)








WE see articles about heinous acts commited to children ALL THE TIME> couples who abuse their children, chaining them to the bathroom, not allowing them any sort of light, not feeding them, torturing them, HURTING A CHILD! these people deserve the ultimate punishment. we all thought it.

this particular episode confronts us with these thoughts, but when it hits us, do we really feel this way? human torture, memory erasing, PROGRAMMING? perhaps alot of these people who commited crimes have been programmed to do so. the episode was very targetted individual as well, mob mentality.

and when did she EAT? or pee ? or even SLEEP!??

A killer in a FB group

Someone added me to some FB group, Jesus Died for your Memes (JDFYM)...I never posted in it but I saw the posts. Apparently, some KILLER woman was in that group too. She would like people's posts and what not. THIS PERSON KILLED A MAN! (sync, just heard, 'we dont kill them' on this LUCIFER show)...Looks like the man tried to kick her out of his house, and she shot him!!!

Here is the article, and then I will provide some screenshots...

http://6abc.com/woman-charged-in-murder-of-pharma-exec-in-bucks-co/2467401/

SHE WAS PART OF A FB GROUP AND THE MEMES WEREN'T ENOUGH FOR HER!!!

btw, here is her FB profile: Jennifer Morissey https://www.facebook.com/jennifermorrisse?fref=gc&dti=1007542642663528&hc_location=ufi

screenshot from the FB group im in

from Jennifers Morriseys page...someone said, "Lisa got her back" HA!

girl, you gettin LOCKED UP! and you see her JOKING about commiting MANSLAUGHTER!??!?

dumb bitch just shot her sugar daddy. WOW!

weird dreams

weird dream. i had dreams like a series of stephen king style short stories. one was where people were getting manipulated into commiting suicide. it was sort of a game. it was done in the swiss alps, and the one lady said to another one who was supposed to kill herself, 'just dismiss yourself in the swiss, miss." i don't remember the full details, but my dream seemed so clever. the next was someone actually making up and inventing a character based on things they liked in their childhood. this eventually became real, to become a part of their life. However, later, the person would notice things were off. For example, the one looked like Eric Wareheim. He fell in love with a woman, who looked just like him, except female. (Carol?) But she had characteristics of things from his childhood. This woman fell in love with a character that looked like Eric Wareheim, but then she said to him, 'your voice sounds familiar." He had like a black guys voice or something. Turns out, it was the voice of the singer of color me badd? I have no idea how this incorporated itself into my dreams? And how did I just know bad has 2 ds? color me badd? It was the white guy of color me badds voice, on eric wareheim. seems very tim and eric-esque. im not saying my mind created this. its just a series of things I like, I guess? Dreams are weird.

I forgot to mention, my aunts like to talk about weird things, which is cool ha! But they talk about when people/relatives are on their death beds, and things they say. They say a few times, when husbands/relatives, etc are ready to pass, they say they see long lost relatives, as if they came to greet them or welcome them to heaven. They also said a few times, they said my aunt deannas sister in law was screaming and didnt want to die. she kept calling for help. that sends chills down my spine! and to my aunt sook she said she got chills when they said that. also  someone else said, 'tiene un fuego" (they are taking me to the fire)...this is not made up. these were all really said.

Lord, please. I dont know. I mean, God only knows. Earlier, I was wondering about Hugh Hefners soul, (i was chatting with moss about hugh, nothing religious, just basic stuff, but in my head, i thought, i wondered about his soul) just then i heard a commercial say, "and starring Christine Eversoul" for a play. Ever Soul? (Ebersoul, moss corrected me.) still...that was  a sync of sorts.

People are not generally bad per se. I dont judge. I am a sinner.  I know this. 

I do believe in God tho. I had coffee and I am like wired. Why did we have coffee so late ha! My aunt refused it tho because she wanted to sleep. Smart lady.

Today I cleaned my house, finally. My parents said we are going to my aunt sooks for dinner. so we went there. my aunts from w. virginia were there. aunt sally and aunt joyce and also my aunt tita (tita is aunt in spanish)..i've always called her tita. she is my dads mother, my grandmothers sister. she is 94 years old and still got it. shes easy to talk too she lives with her pomeranian. my aunts are staying with her but today she fell. it was a scary situation for them all. she was really scared and was telling us in her accent all about it. we also heard the marching band from the high school doing the star spangled banner for the game. why kneel during it? cuz you are not happy? i think its just lack of respect to do so. its a good song. stand and hold your heart, or whatever. you kneel at the foot of the Lord, thats what. my whole family is christians. i can remember being a child, im not now. we do enjoy watching home videos. i think that is why i make my home videos. my dad always has. he has a youtube channel if you want to see my puerto rican relatives as well as my other relatives. we are good people too. just loving and funny....good peeps. my aunt made rice and a korean style beef with broccoli salad and a regular salad. she gave me some of her home grown tomatos which are delicious!

we watched some videos on my dads youtube channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/onlylar2

here are some of my puerto rican relatives, including tita OH MY GOSH at around 2:20 seconds my uncle bob is talking about a hurricane in puerto rico. this video is from 2014. yeah my relatives are there, they are ok, but PR is a wreck. garbage piling up, running out of water. its terrible.

this video is out of order. it looks like we all left sometime , but later you see us.

landy got beat up (the lady there..landy. shes my aunts, sister i belive? im really not sure. one of my relatives. my grandmother was Elba, a sweet christian lady. my dads mom. Tita is her sister. ) she got beat up living in an unsafe part of Puerto rico. they broke into her house beat her up (she lost an eye) and robbed her.

i think she is there now. she lives there. Dear God. Please protect everyone. 

Hugh Hefner

I was looking for a picture I took of him when I was at the mansion, but I can't find it. I've been to the mansion a few times. I could of went another time but I chose to stay with Darla, because I forgot to add her as a guest for the list. I always wanted to go back again, before Hugh died. I'm not even sure if there will still be parties there. I believe he sold the mansion to the guy who owns an energy drink or something, so I doubt there will be anymore of his legendary parties. I think it was pretty cool that I was able to say I went. I went 3 times. 2 was for the girls of golf events, and the other was for Kandyland. I could of went a fourth but I did not. It always felt so magical, old school Hollywood flair in the air. You never knew who you would mingle with, as I do recall talking to Wayne Newton when I went to get another (free) drink at the bar. I felt awkward being there, because I went by myself, but I always found someone to talk too. I remember the 2nd time I was there, that was when I honestly felt like [adult swim] was there. Everyone invited to the party gathered at the Roosevelt Hotel, in the pool area. That is when I glimpsed David Hasslehoff, just standing at the end of the pool (he even was posing like Superman). I wondered if I should ask for a picture, but I didn't. (A few days later I saw a post in the asmb's, "Don't hassle the Hoff". I guess I didn't. But while waiting in line, that is when these weird people sluethed out and began talking to me. This went on during the golf event as well. It was just so weird. I have pictures but I can't find them. I looked hot at that party, but the last time I went, I looked like a gross, sloppy mess. I always felt so awkward and insecure around all those skinny, fake, plasticy LA girls. (Most likely transplants, but they all thought they were the shit)...I mean, it was just weird. I always got real drunk at those parties because I was nervous, (and hey, free alcohol helps.) I ended up talking to that actor from Entourage. Well, he was part of the adult swim crew. Those days. I was just looking through my myspace photos to find the pic of Hugh Hefner, and I saw all the pics of when I was living in Hollywood. They were fun and exciting days, for sure. I always got into cool parties, red carpet events, VIP, whatever. Back then when it mattered. Now...shrug.  I'm almost 40 (now I am Sanjana! She used to call me almost 40 when I was not even 30...)

Do I miss those days? Yeah, yes. Of course. Sigh..now...now things are different. I'm not quite happy. Are my travelling days over? HELL NO! I'm planning on going to the UK next spring. See, people don't seem to understand, that I am not just a Walmart cashier. Fuck that! I have places I want to visit!

I want to go to NYCC, at least the free adult swim party that is going on. Maybe Shannan can go with me. Or I can ask my friend I know who lives in NYC if she wants to meet me and we go. Whatever, I just want to go. I miss it. I missed out on alot of cool things because I work on the wknds.  WHOA WINDY CITY just now!!!

So, I got out of work at 5pm on Monday. Mike came over. I wanted to chill and relax, and I didn't want to drink. Well, Shannan said she wanted to drink so I unreluctantly bought some beer. OH BOY I WISH I DIDNT. old grumpy uncle jerry had vodka and we did shots. i bought a case, (shes going to pay me back)..shannan took a shot of vodka and puked it up. i almost puked after that. We were all sitting outside while mike watched the game inside. Shannan stalked Kevin, watching him outside his house. WEIRD!??!? The next day, I felt like shit and did not get anything accomplished. I layed on the couch all day. I wanted to clean, go grocery shopping, do things, but I didn't because I felt like shit.

Mike came over with pizza and we watched Netflix. Weds I had a dentist appt in the morning. I got a cleaning but I am going to have to get a deep cleaning. It hurt. They poke and prod at your gums, but they chisel away all the plaque. When I get the deep cleaning, they will numb my gums. She said I can get bone loss if I don't take care of it.Then I had to work from 2-6. Then I had my illustrating childrens stories. I was going to take the painting class. Oh well. Next semester. This is a small group. There are 5 of us. The teacher is an illustrator herself. The people are ok. I'll write more about them later. I'm tired and I am going to relax. There are two big mouths in the group tho. They will talk and talk and talk. Are we going to accomplish anything? Thurston is your typical nerdy ADD and asperger type of picture book geek who will keep talking and talking. I feel he may teach lessons, but then I feel he talks to much. Also this other girl. I think she is my age, but she looks old. She is a mom and was wearing a long black crinkly skirt, a RAMONES t-shirt, and doc martens. Her look was total 90s. She was bragging about her job as some sort of graphic designer, and she was giving everyone advice. The other woman is older, she was sick earlier this year. She enjoys taking these kind of classes. The other guy is a retired grandfather, who is interested in writing books for his grandkids. Me, I would like to get some books published (if not for myself, and to sell on amazon to friends)...and I would like to give them to Lila, and it makes me want kids myself. Plus, it is nice to be in a class room type setting and to meet with other people too. Sure, why not!???

Lindsey Lohan bikini

She has no hips, she has an adonis belt and you can see the hip jutting out narrow, not wide. she has no butt and she has a man back. naval is very high, typical of a male.

KYLIE JENNER PREGNANT ILLUMINATI RITUAL EXPOSED!!! KARDASHIANS, KANYE, T...

ha this is funny

Scrubs actor Zach Braff FTM

Yes, the male actors, most of them are female to male transgendered. It is so easy to spot once you know what you are looking for! Women's facial bone structure is just different. We get double chins, weak jawlines, not as defined. Smaller features, no eyebrow bossing etc...

Zach Braff  shirtless, you can see he has a female skeleton. No wonder I cannot imagine any of these actors really being able to fuck. sorry...just saying!

Why do cops get to live at housing for free? When they already have good salaries. I understand free coffee or free McDonalds, but why free housing? And yes I know this because that cop told me this. And last week I got a notice about doing a payment plan, and it said I have a week to reply, (I have the letter and it was dated Sept 19th.) Yesterday I got a letter from the courts saying I have to go to court now. This is dated on the 20th. That did not give me enough time to even give them the reply. It said I had a week to reply, but the next day the letter was sent out, they sent me a notice for eviction! So housing is lying. I have numbers now for public defenders, so I am going to call them because I honestly do not feel I should pay for July when I did not sign my lease until August. And fuck housing! I don't want to live here anymore. I don't want to work at Walmart either. 

Transvestigation : Bruno Mars

so weird all of this. you will take a good look and be like, yeah that is a female skull..this person is disguising as a male! so what makes you think the rest of them arent either? ugh so creepy and weird!?? sorry, it just is!

Pink Promotes Purple Propaganda

just check out her adonis belt. hey pink! yeah maybe you sell out stadiums everywhere you go, mama, but you have a mans body! i mean, just be honest! why be deceptive? why have your son be raised as a girl? is that fair to him? is it fair that you never had a say in your gender? no it is not! stop lying! a liar isnt anything to be proud of.

you know, and i worked today...and that riverside end of summer bash was today! bands, pig roast, food, clams, beer, FIREWORKS! bonfire! i would of loved to of went but i worked till 1030 and by then fireworks were OVER!

and the celticfest was today. mike went. id of loved to went. other things were going on too....things are always going on!

guns n roses concert coming up (on a sunday, and i will be WORKING)...

halloween stuff, haunted houses, parties...I HAVE TO TAKE OFF because weston and laurin want to go to haunted house. SO DO I!

new york comic con is coming up! all kinds of shit!

NJ Horror Con

So, Moss sent me a link in the morning about NJ Horror Con (which I already knew about)...and I also saw Vada posting about the screening of Return to Nuke em High vol 2 screening at horror fest. I was like...cool. 10 minutes before I was scheduled to go to work, I CALLED OFF! shit! everything fun is ON THE WKDNS! especially in the fall! i cant work on weekends anymore. 

so im like, fuck this! i want to see my screening of the movie im in! luckily mike seemed interested in going. we drove down, mike slept the whole way. it took a little over an hour. the renaissance hotel seemed kind of janky. it was kind of a weird setup, this convention. but it was cool. all kinds of horror booths, cool jewelry, artwork...i wish i had cash to support everyone. mike talked to a few of the vendors.  i think he felt like they were big shots. he was talking to the cute girls who were vendors lol. i didnt mind. im glad he was enjoying himself. he bought me this handmade soap, it was funny, he was asking the lady what we were supposed to do with it. i think he thought it was witchcraft soap he thought i ate the soap because i held it up and sniffed them HA the lady kind of was kidding around with him.

mike and i went upstairs to the screenings. they had rooms with screens and they were showing films and such. the one filmmaker talked to us a bit before they showed his horror film. "Camp Killer". The guy who produced and made it etc had a little Q and A and discussion. Then we watched the movie. Mike was laughing the whole time. He really liked the movie. oh yeah i forgot to mention, while we were walking through the convention, mike saw the booth for super troopers. He told me there is going to be a new super troopers, so i asked the guy at the booth about it. They said 420. Mike really loves super troopers, beer fest, camp dredd etc. I guess the guy Mike was talking to was an actor in the movie, (this guy...http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0831479/  ) i had no idea! Mike did tho. The guy seemed interested in hearing what a true fan had to say about it. mikes your regular average blue collar kind of guy you know? (isnt that lyrics for a def leppard song?) he likes football, simpsons, babes. idk)

im glad mike got to talk to him. he was happy. the guy said he liked his pabst cap, and he beamed. lol!

we saw this movie too the director shawn jones was talking to everyone in the room before the screening.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4794416/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

after that movie is was time for nuke em high, but we went downstairs to get a soda. that is when we saw viv there. i gave her a hug and said hi. she was there to see sean astin. he was doing photo ops but 50.00...thats crazy!. but we went back upstairs and got seated to watch nuke em. it was full of ppl involved with troma of course. the movie was good troma filled fun, i guess you could say! moss and i are in the movie, the only thing is, our lines got cut. lloyd told me that he wasnt happy with that part and alot of the lines were cut and he hoped my part wasnt cut out! he kept introducing me to people who didnt really care about meeting me HA! you know how it is...blehh...its like, 'this is lauren! she was in the movie' jk people were nice.

i mean, i payed our way in.  i wanted moss to help me get free pass. vada was there too. after the movie i went over and said hi to her and we hung out for a bit, and we went out of the room and troma people were acting up, and the other filmmaker was there, the dude in a dress and makeup, the one who didnt care about meeting me LOL! he made a movie too. it was crazy.

anyways, i have some pictures.

oh now tho, i got a letter about an eviction notice. i got that form last week saying i have to sign it within A WEEK or they are going to take me to court. it was about making payments 100.00 a month. the letter says i owe 1100.00 which is not true! i only owe 750 but i shouldnt even owe that since i signed the lease in august so they should not charge back rent for july. i filled out the form but they are closed on fridays so i left it in the mailbox. it hasnt even been a week and i get papers about eviction and going to court!??

they gave me a week to return that form! and they are closed on the wknds. i dont mind making 100.00 payments! i said! im always on time with my rent i never gave trouble. i gave them my paystubs when i first started working. they didnt give me my new lease and rent UNTIL AUGUST i started working in may!??



i want to go to NYCC!! ive never been!!! IM GOING! and adult swim is having some free events too!

jocelyn hernandez tranny?

So, Jocelyn Hernandez is supposed to be a woman who just gave birth. NUT UHH...nut

when i first saw her on some talk show, im like, that is a tranny man. and whats up with the jangling junk in the pants?
OH the pic below is because people remember seeing the south america directly under north america thats because yes their memory is correct.  it never shifted tho. it appears this way ON A GLOBE im going to post this pic in one of those post about it

 whats that junk josselin around jocelyn? even if it is the pocket, someone dressed her to make a point this is a DUDE!

 FAKE! its a moonbump!

So, I woke up early and my parents picked me up. We drove to the hospital in Flemington. My dad was getting an operation on his hand for carpal tunnel syndrome. He was worried about the anasthesia. (however you spell it)...he was fine. We were there for a while, but the operation itself went pretty quickly. Last night, Shannan came up and we had some beers. Tom and Joe hung out. Kevin stopped by too. I guess Joe and Shannan were talking about having a picnic today..I knew I was going to the hospital tho. I went to bed pretty early, maybe 11ish. I drank a bit so that made me drowsy. Well, when I came home Shannan was there with FIVE kids!? 2 babies..and 3 toddlers. she was babysitting 2 other ones. She marinaded chicken and all that. we were having problems with the propane tank but finally Tom was able to get one off his friends. We had hot dogs, pasta salad, potato salad, baked beans, cheeseburgers, and...I forget what else. it was good. tom brought over a batch of this vodka lemonade and gatorade. it was good but i only had 1 and half. I didnt drink alot. shannan was trying to txt kevin but he seemed annoyed. what was weird, that moses walked by and she called him then she was all hugging him and stuff. HUH?? idk...

i mean, whatever. who knows. im tired. oh but that tom got drunk and kept talking about how liz (??) told everyone he has a small dick or something...it was annoying. like, shut up! he kept going on about dick size.

what else? idk...im tired

tim and erics angel boy?

Weird things at work (again)...So...today, some people came through my line and were buying stuff. A girl and her mom. I noticed the next customer after her was holding her nose and said one of them smelled like shit. I did not notice anything. I didn't smell it..?? Even this lady's son said it too. I mean, I dont know, I didn't smell anything...it was weird. Anyways, fast forward to end of night. This woman and her kids come through the line. They had a toddler boy in the cart. IT SMELLED LIKE SHIT! That I could smell! Not only that, they took forever to pay. Like, they noticed the kid stank too but were not in a hurry to get the poor kid clean. I think the lady was high, actually. It is sad, but what the fuck? They just wanted to return things and do price checks, and I wasn't sure who was paying or not. I wasn't sure what was going on..?? But it really smelled like rotten shit. They feed that boy pure sugar cuz it was nasty. 

So, anyways, here is what is weird. Did Tim and Eric set it up? Because their bedtime stories (which were on tonight), was Angel Boy, and Angel Man (I hate Angel Boy..)dumb skit. The dad is very into the idiotic singing voice of 'angel boy'. He can't get wet or his vocals will get lowered, causing everyone to lose their bowels.

Angel Man was pt 2 (the new one)..and he found angel boy, but the club asked if he wanted to purchase diapers. (the club likes to hear angle boy sing in low pitches so they can SHIT THEIR PANTS!

at one point, he says, NO MORE BROWN! (always has to say BROWN, ((my last name!??) and relate it to shit. WTF??? 

and today, with the shitty whatever, shit their pants. I think it was on purpose! a sort of prelude to tonights bedtime stories...((SUCKED!! sorry, I just don't care for angel boy))

Last weeks bedtime stories was better. I have them all dvr'd anyways...

oh also, this guy comes through my line. gabbing away. i didnt think nothing of it, i was like, ok...he said he didnt want too many plastic bags. 

then all of a sudden he says, they should get the COCAINE cartels out there, all the ones that are in the prison. get them to clean it up!

THAT TRIGGERED ME TO THAT COKED OUT WHATEVER GUY THAT CAME THROUGH MY AISLE AFTER THAT OTHER GUY, JOHN, THAT I USED TO HANG OUT WITH LIKE, 15 YEARS AGO (im not sure how long ago it was)...i mean, john is my age, cute...this old man tho...it was just weird. but remember, i said that guy john came through my LINE!! (get it? LINE?) and after he left i just recollected how into COCAINE he was...and shortly after, that old weird guy came through, moving like he was on crack, talking about COCAINE and the cartels. it was the same guy tonight! talking about COCAINE! dude what the fuck???


so weird. i'm really done dealing with the public! I miss my old job, where it was just me in my OWN EMPTY DEPARTMENT!! and im a warehouse girl anyways. everytime i go to the warehouse part at walmart, (to put hangers and trash away), it makes me miss working in a warehouse. Im a blue collar chick oK? I dont need to be dealing with the public. 

HA!


i should tell people, (who ask or comment about my swedish fish tattoo and weird nj one), i also have a squidbillie tattoo and a gumball machine. i want to get more too. 

anyways...weird stuff




so the old sync was when i first started working at walmart, i guy i used to hang out and mess around with (i really liked him back then, shrug...very hot. wrestling coach. whatever)...he came through my line. when we used to hang out (10 + years ago, he was really into cocaine. i did that with him a bunch of times. i dont touch that shit now. would i? idk? i dont go around looking for it.)but seeing him at my job, made me think of when i used to hang out with him, and we would do coke.

anyways, about 10 minutes later, some guy comes in, and out of nowhere  he starts talking about COCAINE...like how random? synchronicity? OR SET UP??! im sure. i know john knew about my myspace, followed me to FB, and knows about this blog EH AMIRITE? HI! waves

so the sync today was the girl saying the former customer smelled like she shit her pants (i did not notice), and later i really did smell shit. that does happen tho, with kids. i remember a little girl kept whining about having to go to the bathroom, then it smelled like POOP

it was just odd that it happened like this? i never smelled such a terrible sugary rotten stench of shit at my job before tho. HA! and then, the bedtime stories, which was about wearing diapers to shit your pants??





EDIT: i forgot to mention, i was locked out of my register. i wasnt able to sign in to start ringing ppl up when i first got there. so, the big(ger?) manager had to come to help. but i noticed that he needed me to follow him, but when we were walking, i saw his hands point in the devil horns...i mean, im sure it doesnt mean anything!??!? or does it?

im watching this alice in wonderland asmr, and its kind of relaxing. it is! 

i want to do asmrs that remind me of the magical wonder of being a child IN THE 80S!

nothing else can compare to the wonder of the 80s. i liked forests, serendipity books, i want to do asmr that will remind people of these times..

heres the one im watching:

The other night, Mike said Scott was in town, so he said to stop by at Weston's after work. I didn't really feel like it at first, since I was tired and it was 1030 when I got out of work, but Weston lives 12 minutes away, so I drove by after I came home and changed out of work clothes. Scott's a little..miserable it seems. HA! Idk. We went to Weston's loft, which could be a nice apartment. Him and Laurin have a HUGE house, 6 bedroom, 4 bathroom, (each have their own wing. They have their own rooms even tho they are married.) They have so much property, and a pool. It's just nice. And the loft is gorgeous! With nice lighting, ceiling fan. Very modern. Of course, I would decorate it more as a man cave. (We could smoke in their). I'd bring up a pool table, have a bar. Get a vintage nintendo set up and other gaming stuff. Record player. Speakers. I'm cheesy like that! I still have like, that male teenage decorating style I guess...(jk, not that bad! No blacklights and velvet grateful dead style posters etc)...

I would just make a loft a cool chill out space. I mean, geez. You know how when you actually hang out in a nice house, a mansion even? You just...feel different. IDK...I don't really care where I hang out tho. It's all good! I just enjoy experiences. Anyways, I was so tired tho, and Mike's license plate needed to be bolted on. So I had to drive Scott back to his car then Mike came here to sleep. I had to drive him back to Weston's so he can get his truck. Point is, I miss mornings. I miss that early morning feeling. It just feels different outside. I MISS IT! I am just sick of working nights, and working on weekends. This is lame, and I don't want it anymore. I just made a breakfast, which was scrambled eggs, bacon, kimchi, tator tots, toast and orange juice. It was ok, but I am just sick of eating crap. I miss when I was healthy. I want to start exercising. With a schedule that is mostly 2-11pm, I come home from work and stay up late, then I wake up later, and I have to get ready for work. It doesn't give me a routine to adhere too as far as working out goes. I don't have time. 

When I was working 7-330, however, I had a schedule that allowed me to maintain a routine. Wake up at 545 am, have a healthy smoothie, or rye toast with nut butter, or a bowl of fiber cereal. I don't think I even drank orange juice. Maybe a healthy iced tea, that I made myself. I really didn't eat mayo either. I'd have my lunch packed, which would be a whole wheat wrap with chicken and veggies, or a lean cuisine, but it was healthy. I would snack on almonds or carrots. Then I would go home, take a nap, then wake up and make a healthy dinner. About a half hour later, I would work out. I would do my workout videos, or I would go to the gym, or run/walk/run. (This would be around 6pm)...I was losing 2 lbs per week. Now, my schedule is this. Wake up around 1130. Cook, get ready for work. Work till  11. Go home, watch youtube till 3am. Repeat. My days off....drink with Shannan and Kevin. No being productive. Eat greasy crap.

I'm just sick of this life. It's depressing. I intend to complete Rosetta Stone. I think it will be like how I learned typing. I had a class my freshman year, and at the time, I was terrible. But I guess the class kept with me, because I found later I can actually type ASDF JKL;
the way I was taught. So I think Spanish will stick with me and I will at least understand. I am not sure how comfortable I will feel communicating, but at least I will have a general understanding.

But yeah, each day I comfort myself by telling myself this job is NOT FOREVER!!!

cuz its NOT!

I mean right now, its a gorgeous Sunday out. Eagle are playing against the Chiefs. Id love to just enjoy a Sunday, inside out outside, cooking a lovely meal. Not going to walmart to deal with people commenting about my tattoos. It gets annoying. it does.

April 1990 - Video I shot of my typical day of a high school student

I had a dream where I recorded myself and my days, back when I was a teenager and younger. I was like, 'wow and its even ready to upload to FB!" it was interesting to see myself  back then. Fortunately, now, social media is abundant, and recording yourself is the thing to do. Back then tho, there was hardly social media. Yes, we did have the internet...but no cell phones. I do have home videos of being a kid, but it was my dads perspective and we were not really hamming it up for the camera, idk.



too much news in the beginning tho...with this one. should of edited some of it out. i WISH i could of filmed a day in my high school tho....



oh well. what ya gonna do about it. (also when i was in the army, and early 20s)



meh..SHRUG!



also when i was a kid, i hated when my dad would film me. i didnt want to be bothered (as a teenager more actually)...but now, i make home videos !!! WE MUST CAPTURE ALL!!! FOR THE ALL SEEING EYE!! jk, but its nice to have memories to look back on later, i think

Model comes out as male

A few models were allowed to come out as men, transgender bending, such as this one. Looks like all the rest of them tho, looks like every other single model. The only difference is, this one is allowed to say he is a man. The rest of them keep SHH SILENT! I just hope that a beloved, beautiful, well-known ACTRESS comes out as actually being a boy! For instance, a big-timer like Cameron Diaz or Emma Stone (who were born male)...or Jennifer Lawrence.

This model looks like every other model strutting down the runway tho:

http://activistmom.com/blog/top-fashion-model-reveals-he-is-a-man-does-this-even-shock-anyone-anymore/

Here are a few pics, also another one from well known transgendered model Andreja Pejic. Look at the bodies. Looks no more different than say, Uma Thurmans.

Then, take a look at supposed true 'females' (who even had babies!) yeah no, its lies!!

BELOW: Teddy Quinlian (just came out as transgendered)

 Anderj Pejic (transgendered model)

 GIGI GORGEOUS (transgendered)

They look just like these 'women'. same bone structure same shape:

Look at points of hip jut. Too close together. NOT child bearing hips. The one even has an adonis belt

 Masculine back on Alessandro Ambroisa

you wanna see real women? (Dont laugh! ) its me and my friend Jen. Note our skull. (Ok, I even include a pic of me in that shiny bathing suit. NO SHAME!) I thought it looked cool but i never wore it. Id wear it as a bodysuit, maybe..

granted, im not tall. im 5'7, and weigh 152 lbs, nor am I famous, but I HAVE NEVER seen women in real life looking like any famous model or actres. I have seen BEAUTIFUL WOMEN in real life, but they never look like the way celebrities look. I also never seen celebrities look like normal, regualar people..

RIHANNA & The EUROPEAN ILLUMINATi: BETA Sex Slavery/Fenty Beauty

I havent watched any of these illuminati videos in a while...but these are all beta kittens, but...they are really also men. so...what kind of sex do they have or i mean? and how much different is it from just getting a normal call girl or whatever. or a 'ladyboy'.....my mind! i need sleep!!!

MK-ULTRA/ Selling Your Soul to the Devil SIDE EFFECTS!!

its not like they willfully sold their soul, they had NO CHOICE! they were born into it. this shows kylie having a memory recall when she said trying it out. it recalled an electroshock session where she said that. it also shows lady gaga being triggered and al roker. i dont think people willfully sell their soul. maybe tho? but most, like kylie, were born into it.

Drunk Boyfriend Tag (transgender edition) | Stef Sanjati

Hes an FTM? I thought he was a regular guy. Hes kind of cute too. oh boy...

Miley Cyrus - Younger Now (Official Video)

not to diss miley, its not her fault, but watch this video. at the end, her in a dress. thats a boy. she aint no girl. she even says she is genderless, ageless...(that puppet is creepy)..also alot of monarch symbolisms...but yeah. totally a dude in a dress miley is! the skull. i see miley as the one who will come out as transgendered, or maybe, hermaphrodite (dont think she has a penis tho because she has alot of pics where there is nothing there)...she had a sex change or something..

Megan Fox - This Is 40 (2012) [1080p]

so i said i watched the ladyboys in thailand show on amazon prime. megan fox...IS actually a Y chromosome.

(is Y male? i keep getting them confused HA) those are not real hips or boobs. also, i noticed how she says she TRANSferred (with emphasis on the TRAN as she slipped her shirt off. im not gonna lie, she does have a hot body, but it is not a real females. the next scene she asks those guys if they are gay because they were drooling over her. pretty much saying they are attracted to a man. she has joked about being a man before too. i just watched a transvestigation on the other actress, leslie MANN. also, i AM almost 40 now, and my boobs are NOT sagging! still nice! i can lose weight, yeah sure. idk, i still young too. :)

The Girl on the Train CLONES!!!

So I finally rented The Girl on the Train, (which I have to watch again cuz..just because) yeah. It was hard to follow at first, because all the guys looked the same. White people. They all look the same! HA! well, all the actors and actresses do!?

so, she watched the people (im not going to give spoilers)...but, i was like, who am i looking at? i had to remember the names...(megan, anna, rachel) RACHEL

ok so the actors are different but at first they look the same. except the one played gaston in beauty and the beast (no wonder he looked familiar) also was in another movie...moby dick or something i forget.

I remember someone said my friend Sara (who is not famous) ,looked like Emily Blunt. Kind of, but I see a resemblance to actress Kristen Wiig too. there is also a meme about emily blunt looks like Katy Perry, and a bunch of other clones.

Laura Prepon is in the movie, and she looks like the wife of Justin Theroux, who is played by actress Rebecca Ferguson (I had to check IMDB to find out these peoples names)...Rebecca Ferguson resembles other actresses. The girl who played Cher in the tv show, (I had to google her name...RACHEL Blanchard.) I also had to google Sugar and Spice movie...actress who ALSO looks like Rebecca Ferguson, MARLEY something...I forget her last name now!??!


THESE PEOPLE ALL LOOK THE SAME! marley shelton.

THERE IS ANOTHER CLONE IN THE MOVIE! JENNIFER LAWRENCE CLONE, actress

Haley Bennet. Looks just like Jennifer Lawrence.

CONNECTIONS!

Lisa Kudrow is in this movie, and she says RACHEL. (friends). Justin Theroux is married to Jennifer Anistan. Rachel Blanchard looks like Rebecca Ferguson, who also looks like co-star Laura Prepon and MARLEY Shelton. Haley Bennet was in the MARLEY AND ME MOVIE, who actually stars JENNIFER ANISTON.

what does it mean? It has to mean something. its connect the dots. perhaps these people are all products of cloning or dna matching or some weird shit. on another note, check out male and female skulls. (childs skull looks something scary!)

NOW!! for the pics!!!

and pay attention to the male and female skull shape:

Emily Blunt

i just added this because it was in my photos. take note of SKULL SHAPES BAPHOMET IS BOTH MALE AND FEMALE

Rebecca Ferguson

Halley Bennet (cuter than precocious annoying Jennifer Lawrence)

Rebecca Ferguson

Emily Blunt also sort of looks like Taylor Schilling, who is in Orange is the new black, as Pipers (Laura Prepon)  gf/wife.

clone lookalikes haley bennet and jennifer lawrence

this was in my photos too so I thought I would add it. Taylor looks like Zeena Lavey (daughter of church of satan founder Anton LEVAY) cloned from same dna?

Justin Theroux (why is he making a vagina with his hands? is he a woman?)

Fenake Skull

Real Male (i believe)

Haley Bennet (who has nude scenes in the movie and looks like a real female to me. CUTER than J. Law)

actually, haley bennet. her back doesnt arch where a females does. this gives the look of being a woman ughh

i mean, i watched these episodes on amazon prime and thailand and ladyboys, and they do look like women.

so it is very easy to resemble a woman when you take female hormones and get boob jobs and rib removal. but this is more about DNA. but the skulls are NOT female....



another reason why they may transgender is because you can make a boy look pretty. exotic. different than real females. a male skull is bigger so features will fit nicer on a male skull, while womens do not have as defined skulls. nothing beats A REAL FEMALES BEAUTY! but hollywood conditions us to see the aesthetic of beauty as big features. i think the big screen shows off features better than if a real woman were to be an actress...

does it make sense? real women are not as defined as 'ladyboys' btw, thailand looks so beautiful. i have to go there!