evil jumbotron kid adult swim

ok so.......this is weird...i think i got triggered, or something. i have been thinking about that evilly distorted jumbotron kid. (i will include the link). it seriously made me think that adult swim is behind this, because they have distorted faces like that in the past. yes, adult swim as a (cant think of the WORD!???!) when a bunch of ideas think together as a whole, nonetheless...i kept the link for the jumbotron vine i bookmarked it, because i was planning on going to adult swim to post it...

something odd happened. well this guy has been msging me a lot, well, remember i said he seemed cool at scottys party? well, he, out of nowhere said, 'I am what i am' - popeye. so i was like..."NO!! NOOOOOOO dont say that!??!" (my i am blog, if you scroll down more, youll see it!)

thats weird tho!?? makes me think he knows of this blog? if so, than how??? i dont advertise this blog! i mean, yes i was linking it here on my myspace......maybe scotti reads this? see? i have no freaking clue!?? i get all paranoid. i mean, if you read my blog fine, but for ppl to read and keep hush hush about it, well...im not sure what to think of that now!??? :/

i went to adultswim.com and went to IB and the banner they used resembles the jumbotron kid so much!?? here is that:

 http://s57.photobucket.com/user/starbella78/media/selection_of_funny_celebrity_gifs_15_zps1a52a43a.gif.html?sort=3&o=0

so i also posted something else and someone replied to my post saying, 'stop being a lazy alchohlic and lose weight'

REALLY!??! i was like, wow! plus i havent drank in weeks (lie, i did just drink recently) still tho, i dont drink every fucking day!

 i do know i have to lose weight tho but shut up!

fritz springmeier posted something interesting about identity that i shared with facebook. one part kind of made me think of that person on as who called me an alchohlic:

They called Christ all sorts of names, for instance: sinner, blasphemer & drunk. If they asked him, “What the hell are you doing?” He would have recognized who he was, and continued to be himself. He never let people steal his dignity. Don’t give you identity away. Your identity has nothing to do with whether people like you. Other people do not define who you are, although they will sure try, & very often in self-serving ways.

i am not calling myself 'christlike' or being blasphemous but the msg is there...that is why i shared that post, because at first i was wondering if i would upset anyone by posting it (atheists who do not believe in a Creator, God), but i shared it anyways, because why be afraid of what others think? if i did, then i am more worried about offending people then sharing the true message of what God wants. i told my parents before, ppl are so worried about becoming the most they can be, having a good job, being respectable,  raising a family, obtaining material possessions, becoming physically fit, and yes, while all this IS good for us as humans, that is NOT what is important! we lose sight of the issue that we are fluid. without sounding new agey, this is a vehicle which holds us back. when we die, we will not be encased in these human shells. the point i am making is lost because, what i want, yes, a nice quiet room. i keep feeling like turning this channel its a documentary on nazi stuff and both my parents are in the room arguing about getting a new car yes get one! i had to pick them up when they were gonna drop sage off after we all got back from the pool at the country club. ah yes the country club! we went swimming there, sage adria and i.

anyways, i cant think so my point is getting lost!??!

none of us are better than anyone else. i have a bunch of opinions i have expressed before so i am not going too now.

i was watching a bit of the dorney park on youtube video last night, and the 'what goes up but come down' and then on american dad, someone had said that phrase 'what goes up must come down' im thinking, they are tracking my internet usage...oh yeah the poison one also had big brother on it, i heard that somewhere..

here is the link of the freaky jumbotron boy:

http://www.babble.com/kid/this-always-happens-when-boys-get-on-the-jumbotron/

i forget what else i wanted to say?

oh yeah when i went to adultswim.com and when i was typing in the subject line, old posts i must of made came up, about being possessed (i wrote one about wanting to be possessed? ) seriously!??! why would i even write that!??

and the little boy looks possessed!??! and caleb and i went on the possessed ride at dorney park...


where the what goes up song was on, ( i was watching the dorney park video of us on youtube)


not that i am worried about that song HA!

still tho..

also i linked to the group, where a woman one talked  crap on me, posted about the jumbotron boy (it was posted in the MK group) and i linked it to my photobucket account, and since it was the most recent i was able to press arrow to the left to see the first pics i ever posted on photobucket (back in 2007 when i was trying to decorate my myspace accounts) and it brought me back to the time when i started getting messed with and i felt this evil presence like i was allowing these demons to play with my head!??

which is why i feel these synchronicities are not from God....

i want to find out more about synchs tho!???


i need to take a shower or something....

breast cancer facebook game

first, i am going to express my opinion on this video i saw that someone shared, it was called 'pornstars get trolled' and everyone was commenting on how much their face hurt from laughing, so i watched it. it was sad really, and the guy who was filming it was a grade A dick! it is not funny to put down a woman, to degrade her, to call her ugly or stupid! most of the women who get into porn were abused. maybe they do feel 'empowered' because really, wouldn't a guy like to make that much money by doing porn? but seriously so, it is sad! those girls in the video were beat, and yeah they were not attractive. i just felt that it was unnecessary for the guy to be so verbally abusive towards them. it was more disgusting then the sex acts they allow their bodies to endure.

i did post a comment on it too, i just had too. no one else addressed that side of it, they just all laughed about it too!???!

another thing, i was on facebook yesterday. (well, i am on a lot, so...but yeah)...um...and oh ok, so the other day, wait....yeah so i saw scotti post about being pregnant, and i saw a girl commented that it was a joke....so i noted that. then, kim msgd me and wanted me to post, 'someone please bring me some nachos and salsa' i didnt post it tho bcuz i didnt know what it meant. a few months ago, i had seen some fool post about winning 7000.00 off a scratch off. i thought, dang thats cool but why that fool dont embellish more on it!?? just didnt seem right? so last night i saw another guy post about winning 7000.00 so i commented, (i think these things are foolish) and he msgd me with THIS:

Hehe !You should not have liked or commented! Now you have to pick one of the 14 below and post it to your status. This is the 2014 Breast Cancer Awareness Game. Don’t be a spoil sport, choose your poison and change your status. 1. Damn diarrhea! 2. Just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket 3. Anyone have a tampon; I’m out?! 4. How do you get rid of foot fungus? 5. Why is nobody around when I’m horny? 6. No toilet paper; goodbye socks 7. Someone offered me a job as a prostitute but I’m hesitant 8. I think I’m in love with somebody. What should I do? 9. I decided to stop wearing underwear 10. I’m still in love with my ex 11. I really don’t know how to tell anyone. I’m sick of hiding it. I’m gay. 12. Guess it was too good to be true. I’m pregnant. 13. Just won $7000 on a scratch off ticket! 14. I’ve just found out I’ve been cheated on for the last 5 months Post no explanations. Sorry, I fell for it too! Looking forward to seeing your post. LOL

ok, so...the 2014 breast awareness game. oh...ok, so what than, if i dont play it, then 
what? i am not helping what, raise awareness for breast cancer?? ahh, ok than...lets see, what is the 'poison' to choose? hmm lets see...


1. aw hell naw! i aint gonna post 'damn diarrhea' on my fb posts you kidding me!?? i mean, no just no
2. just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket? son, i am sufferin a DUI charge, aint no one gonna be pullin out my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket! besides, i got no boobs!
3. i have family on my fb so i will not post something as vulgar as having no tampons, so no!
4. nor will i post about how to get rid of 'foot fungus' that just dumb!
5. i also am not going to post about being horny!? wtf is this shit!??
6. that is just nasty!!
7. not funny! someone offered me a job as a prostitute? why would someone offer me a job as that?
8. i think im in love with somebody? this is immature shit really!
9. im not trying to get attention from dumb lame guys..i know some ppl that want attn, ahem. not i tho!
10. still in love with my ex? i'll get too many comments on that, (i think?)
11. im gay? thats just foolish stuff to post...kind of heartless to make jokes about
12. im pregnant? wow im not gonna post that either. thats heartless as well
13. 7000.00 on a scratch off!? id be posting all about that, i wouldnt just look like a dufus fool

then, when ppl msg, you have to send them that list!! its an immature, disgusting, mix of immaturity, so why the f*@k would i want to share that list?

i did post briefly about winning 7000.00, and my aunt responded, so i knew i could not take part in the ridiculous game to 'raise breast awareness'??? really, how does taking part in this game help breast cancer??

kim k diaper butt

i am tellin ya she does not have a nice azz! LOOK!!!

thats some dumps and a pumps LAME

so yeah anyways..........



i was watching the office, and it had the uh........whats the word im looking for.......
when its like, juxtaposition...between REAL people and tv characters (or movie characters, cartoons etc)

the one guy....forget his name, had a party. he seemed normal with a bit of writers wit as he made break the ice jokes about giving a quick tour of his home. later, he and pam sat in his room. he is more normal she is more of a character still, and they even went back into the comforts of the office to bring us as an audience back into the show, because when one of (jim?) friends said, 'oh is this dwight?" i like your birkenstocks..it once again juxtaposed reality and tv show characters. trust me, i have met plenty of actors and actresses, and while we as an audience become very familiar with them, almost on the point as feeling as they are our friends, the person playing them IS NOT our friends, nor do they even know who we are!??

imagine if you were bombarded on a daily basis, by strangers, approaching you asking for pictures telling you time and time again about a popular character you played? i mean, it gets very generic!

i get generic ppl msging me all the time! it gets..well...freaking GENERIC!

damnet highight and delete

i said!??! in this episode of the office, they said poison also the boss cant think of his name now!? he was taking improv classes. improv is becoming a character, not a real person, a caricature of a person.

so, as a practice, do this:

write down the qualities you think you have....now, embellish on them. tweak them and make them more annoying. BOOM! you are now a CHARACTER ACTOR!!!

awkward! paranoid! witty! sarcastic! weird! dorky!

BAM BAM BAM BAM

now what? pretend you are someone you are not!?? yeah fool!
s
or, you know the deal but you are part of an inside secret?
so you act coy roy? i cant think of words!??!

you act smug!? yeah smug and annoying!!

Yahweh

Hi! ok, so earlier today, I just..I saw the fields , (while driving back from dropping sage off at her moms)..it was beautiful. i love the countryside. i was thinking about praying to God, (because an overwhelming bout of depression fell upon me) but then i thought, why bother? whats the point?

i started looking at pics that jennifer sanchez put up in her albums, this one was about 'I am' so i asked her if it meant, crowley? the album consists of pictures of album covers and singers who incorporate the words "I am" into their song album whatever for example, "I am...sasha fierce" or ...country singers who do this, eminem i am whatever you say i am etc

this is a blatant mockery of Yahweh, which in Hebrew means "I am He who exists"

i will put the link up to her facebook album however you may have to be friends with her to see it so i will also just copy and paste it too

so, i started noticing a few synchs...

so, moss msgd me because i upset him because i always seem so snarky in relation to commenting back on his comments. i dont just do it to him tho, if someone leaves me a strange

adul swim autographed headshots! oh i want an autographed headshot!!!

k........strange comment i find odd, i am 'snarky' to them too!?? im just witty sarcastic whatever i dont know!?? like i have said in the past, it seems like moss is always trying to like, receive some sort of acknowledgement...for instance, if jen posts a selfie she took in moss's room he has to be like, 'i know that room' or say something to ensure that ppl know it was taken in his room!?? yeah most ppl wont think nothing of it and shrug it off or just like it and laugh at it, but you know me, i ALWAYS have to dissect everything! i just do! and like i said, moss watches snarky shows like SNL and they always make mocking jokes with witty sarcasm...or whatever i said sometimes they make jokes at my expense (YAH!! i mean oh no :( i keep getting tricked into saying it...im not a goddess, i am a HUMAN! ok!??) but yeah i dont get all offended. i told moss, 'its my poisonality' HA!! poisonality! but seriously, he is too sensitive, yet he watches shows like colbert report and snl and they are sarcastic all the time! its called dry humor!

i cant help it, when he posts things on my pictures like , 'i know that cat' i know that house' i mean, i like all comments and i like his comments, but i figure its kind of funny if i go, 'what do you want a medal?" ok yes!?? yes moss its the dealware river!!! i mean, get a backbone! i cant help how i am! what does he want me to be nice fake??

so i said to him, 'i am who i am' but then i caught it! i was like NO!! dont make me say this stuff!!!

so i was chatting with jay and i told him i said to moss i am who i am im only human!??!
and on conan the guest said at that moment 'shes a human' or something i wasnt really paying attention that was weird tho

so i noticed that this person i was chatting with there last name is 'crist' so i was like, 'do you pronounce your last name "Christ' and he said no but a lot of ppl call him that but he makes fun of himself more then other ppl so i was like, 'its not like making fun tho its like, mocking God' and then i was like, that is what the topic of discussion seems to be the whole 'i am' and YAHWEH being the true I AM we are just humans we are not gods or goddesses!!

so that tied in, also jay said it sounds like a story he was reading earlier (im craving an apple)

bout aliens trying to offer this woman powers that will make her more god-like and she said no we are not meant to have that much power (kanye!??) its true tho once we die we will obtain the insights not now tho!

also, more syncs some kia optima commercial said 'here 'i am' when i was thinking bout blogging also another commercial for Gatorade said it too and on the office he said "I am...going to be in my office"

what i am wondering is...is this God speaking to me? or are synchronicites something not good speaking to me??

you know??

i said it is God tho, because he is telling me that HE IS around and that HE DOES hear my thoughts and my prayers!

instead of getting the i am song by eminem in my head i should sing praises to GOD! YAHWEH! the creator!!!

right!???!

RIGHT!

heres a link and then a co
py paste


https://www.facebook.com/destinedto.survivejennifer/media_set?set=a.751964361530615.1073741882.100001511750720&type=1&comment_id=752192158174502&offset=0&total_comments=10&notif_t=photo_album_reply

These people say they are the great I AM

Updated 6 hours ago

And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them? And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you. Exodus 3:7
Certain parts of the pop entertainment world, under influence of the occult and the Illuminati, have embraced and promoted the New Age, Luciferian idea that man can “become God.” The notion of humans acquiring divinity is reflected in the lyrics, imagery and symbols used in pop culture, including the repeated use of “I AM”, the name God uses in the Bible. The deception that man can now become God, which started in the Garden of Eden, has gone mainstream as many belief systems, New Age groups and religions promote the idea that a human can attain godhood or has hidden divinity within them that just needs to be released. And the proclamation of “I AM” is just another subtle means of communicating this idea to the public.
Exodus Chapter 3 introduces us to the name God gave for Himself when Moses asked. In the Bible and in ancient Jewish culture, a name was much more than an identification tool. It was a statement of who one was. Of the nature and character of a person. In the case of The Lord, the name “I AM” (in Hebrew it is Yahweh or Jehovah) signifies the unique qualities of God as existing outside of time, with no beginning or end. As one Bible commentary sums it up:
“And God said – Two names God would now be known by. A name that speaks what he is in himself, I am that I am – This explains his name Jehovah, and signifies, 1st, That he is self – existent; he has his being of himself, and has no dependence upon any other. And being self – existent he cannot but be self – sufficient, and therefore all – sufficient, and the inexhaustible fountain of being and bliss. Secondly, That he is eternal and unchangeable, always the same, yesterday to – day, and for ever: he will be what he will be, and what he is. Thirdly. That he is faithful and true to all his promises, unchangeable in his word as well as in his nature, and not a man that he should lie. Let Israel know this, I am hath sent me unto you. A name that speaks what he is to his people.” (Source)
The Septuagint, the oldest version of the Old Testament, translated from Paleo-Hebrew (the language used to write the Torah in ancient times), has the verse as “I AM he who exists.” God is self-existent. He does not rely on any other being for His existence. He was not created and is the Creator of all things that are living. So the name “I AM” represents the singular quality of self-existence that only The Lord possesses. Qualities that as finite beings limited by time and death, it is even hard for humans to fathom or understand.
Respect for God’s Name
“O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.” — Psalm 8:1
“Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. ” – Psalm 103:1

The Bible instructs us to revere and praise the Holy Name of God. God’s name represents His Being. When King Solomon was tasked with building the first temple to The Lord, where the Ark of the Covenant would reside and God would make His presence revealed in the Holy of Holies, he prayed in front of the nation of Israel to commemorate the occasion. And in his prayer the King said:
And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which spake with his mouth unto David my father, and hath with his hand fulfilled it, saying, Since the day that I brought forth my people Israel out of Egypt, I chose no city out of all the tribes of Israel to build an house, that my name might be therein; but I chose David to be over my people Israel. And it was in the heart of David my father to build an house for the name of the LORD God of Israel. 18And the LORD said unto David my father, Whereas it was in thine heart to build an house unto my name, thou didst well that it was in thine heart. Nevertheless thou shalt not build the house; but thy son that shall come forth out of thy loins, he shall build the house unto my name. And the LORD hath performed his word that he spake, and I am risen up in the room of David my father, and sit on the throne of Israel, as the LORD promised, and have built an house for the name of the LORD God of Israel. (1 Kings 8)
So the name of God holds very special significance in the Bible. The Third Commandment says: Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. (Exodus 20:7). Using the Lord’s name in a reckless, casual or disrespectful manner, is a sin.
Satan’s Deception


Be very wary of this book.
From the moment he is first mentioned in the Bible, Satan was seeking to undermine God’s plans for humanity by offering humans the ability to “be as gods.” In the Garden of Eden, the Devil tempted Eve to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil, even though God had forbid her from eating it “lest she die.” Satan twisted God’s words and said “And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.” The idea of a secret way to “be God” has been one of Satan’s main deceptions from the beginning of humanity. And today it is no different as many people have been seduced into believing they can be God or god-like and can thus fully control their destiny and obtain whatever they desire in the world (this is known as the Law of Attraction – a basic principle of witchcraft and Wicca).

Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret, one of the best selling books of all time, takes this New Age deception to the extreme. The book, heavily promoted by Oprah Winfrey, was No. 1 on the New York Times best-seller list for 13 straight weeks, has more than 19 million copies in print and is premised on the idea that humans completely control the universe and can have god-like power to acquire wealth, fame, love and success when properly channeled. Byrne writes:
“You are God in a physical body. You are Spirit in the flesh. You are Eternal Life expressing itself as You. You are a cosmic being. You are all power. You are all power. You are magnificence. You are all intelligence . You are the creator.” The Secret, p.164.

The Secret also instructs its readers that the main way to achieve this god-like status is to use the words: “I Am”:
“When you say “I am”, the words that follow are summoning creation with a mighty force, because you are declaring it to be fact. You are stating it with certainty…Knowing this, wouldn’t it be a good idea to begin to use the two most powerful words, I AM, to your advantage? How about, “I AM receiving every good thing. I AM happy. I AM abundant. I AM healthy. I AM love. I AM always on time. I AM eternal youth…” [please note the use of caps is the author's].
The Secret teaches that you are God. And use of godly power is achieved by using the phrase “I AM” and writes it in capital letters just as the Bible does in writing God’s name. Time and time again, the occultism or Illuminati beliefs will take their origin from the Bible and twist just as Satan did in the Garden of Eden. The first Commandment God gave was “I am the LORD thy God, ….Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:2-3). And that “other god” does not have to be a god of another religion. It can be yourself. Thinking of yourself as God is an extreme form of rebellion and is at the heart of sin in society today. And for the every day, non-celebrity it is no different. While you may not think “I am a god!”, making decisions that you know are against God’s law, deciding you know better, or just saying “God not exist”, is setting yourself up on the throne as God of your life. And the current culture of self-idolatry, self-promotion and “doing whatever you like” makes it easy to slip into this rebellion.
To no surprise, doing whatever you feel is the foundation of Satanism and Illuminati Luciferian beliefs. The Satanic Bible states: “The Satanist realizes that man, and the action and reaction of the universe is responsible for everything.” “Man, the animal is the godhead to the Satanist.” “Every man is a god if he chooses to recognize himself as one…. treat yourself like the king (god) that you are…” (pp.89,96). Infamous Satanist, 33rd Degree Freemason and occultist Aleister Crowley wrote: “The true God is man. In man are all things hidden” (Magick in Theory and Practice, p. 285). So whether or not one is aware of it, by siding with their own thoughts and rules over God, a person unwittingly slips into Satan’s false religion of Self-Worship.
Enter Pop Culture
Today’s celebrity culture has become modern-day idol worship. The media has bombarded society with the faces and fame of celebrities to the point that they have become the gods and goddesses for many people today who buy their products, plaster their rooms with photos and images of celebrities or wear clothes bearing the image of their “idols.” And celebrities have ran with the idea mixed in with their own false theology to be so bold as to use God’s name for themselves. The use of the name “I AM” has exploded in recent years. G. Craige Lewis is the head of EX Ministries, and creator of the very successful “Truth Behind Hip Hop” series, has done extensive sermons on the influence of satanism and the occult in hip hop. Lewis summed up much of the spiritual foundation in the genre:
“Hip Hop is wicked because it is a subculture influenced by false religious beliefs from the Universal Zulu Nation, Nation of Islam, 5 Percent Nation of Gods and Earths, Rastafarianism, and other religions, and believes that the Black man is god and denies the supremacy of Jesus Christ as the only way to eternal life.” (source)
So whether it’s the Secret, the Law of Attraction of the Zulu Nation, the world provides many spiritual paths for pop stars to believe they can become gods or goddesses. And using the name of God from the Bible is just a way of making that “affirmation.” Here are just a few examples.

sweet tea and mashed potatoes

i have been wondering about that KFC hoax thing....poor girl. but im thinking, what if it runs even deeper than what we know?

for instance, take not that victoria is wearing an eye patch. why? what happened to her eye? did she get blinded? why is she wearing an EYE patching

I AM what? gatorade commercial (im gonna hve to find that commercial now)

anyways...

about the little girl....im thinking, KFC worked with this family...basically, blackmail. well, first of all, why would the family have the girl around attacking pitbulls? i mean, did that even happen??? (how do we know the family went into a KFC to order 'sweet tea and mashed potatoes'..) right?? what proof do we have? so what proof we have the girl was attacked by a pit? what if she was attacked by...a human?

i mean, if the family will sell out the girl for a measly 30,000.00 donation from KFC, what else would they use this poor little girl for?

now they know they will do this, what else will they (or have too, or be blackmailed into...or duped into) letting happen to her?

maybe they agreed w.out knowing the full repurcussions of selling your soul. now they in, they cant just get out! 'sure we will agree to making this story viral , KFC, now they will see the gratitude of KFC and disregard all the awful negative KFC posts going around facebook! yay! we all win!

ERT WRONG!

now they see the little girl can be used in other ways. very sad for the girl.

when i went to the hospital that one weird time, the xray technician looked like colonel sanders. it was very weird!?? that night too someone shared a link to some sort of KFC game too!??


hmm anyways...........

i have some weird syncs, i will make that another blog tho

oh i cant find the pic i was gonna use for this one tho!??! oh well im gonna make my other blog post soon

hay hay pool partay

lol. man, i need a job! i am starting to feel a lil' better, but if i was working and i knew i was getting somewhat of an income, i'd feel a lot more...better! but still, i need to get a real job! not some lamers job. i need to make good money. maybe i can do bartending!? and NO! i would not drink of the job! wtf would i do that? cuz i know ppl are thinking, 'lori its not good if you are sober to be around alchohol. um NAWH! i would not be all drinking while i was working i aint some sort of fool! believe it or not i do have work ethic! i also actually do like busy environment! when i worked at the photo lab i loved when it was nice and busy! i like when things get busy because the day just goes by quicker!

anyways, last night scotti invited me to her house today. she invited me to swim in her pool and that a bunch of ppl were gonna be there. so i was like, oh cool! so today i went to target to find a cheap bikini to wear (i dont have any new ones), so i found one, i didnt try any on tho meh!! i didnt take a shower because i was planning on using the pool. i txted her and told her i was gonna be there a bit later. she said pool from noon to around 10pm. well, i was at mikes...saturday we went to shrutys and met up with westin there. sunday i was so lazy..we went to hibachi tho. :/ so i went to target and asked mike if he wanted to go and he said yeah, so we went there when he got home. (i was thinking he wanted to see scotti in a bikini shrug)...anyways, i think i look bleh..i took some pics. i gained weight since last summer :( oh! 

who cares tho!? im gonna do the black tape project, with 'ducklettes' i will post link to ducklettes later. see, i am proud of my body! i really do not give a shit anymore that i have more weight whatever! yeah i do want to lose some weight, but who cares! im getting older so whats it gonna matter when im a senior citizen! by then...oh, who knows how much my life will of changed!??!

anyways, mike and i went, they were in pool playing volleyball so we got in (cold at first!!!) but once we started playing i warmed up. i scored a lot of points due to my good serving! but when it comes to defense (or whatever) i was not too good bcuz i was too nervous about my loose top. i need a good top that i will feel confident doesnt fall. seems every bathing suit i get always falls down or shift or something!? i need a suit that will stay put when i jump up and down!??! or whatever!?? i think i would have to spend good money on one tho. whatever!??? so they had food and beer (scotti was kind of vague about her party. i had some beer i could of brought but i didnt think about it? and mike drove me so he told me i couldnt drink. really!?? i was invited and i cant drink!)

so anyways....(i had some chewy meat chunks..shish kabob,. my mom had made them....and some mac and cheese homemade, but i can never find the salt, hot sauce or any condiment here!??! this is why i want my own kitchen!!! :D)

so yeah, it was fun. i need to get in the pool. i feel kind of sick now tho!?? i feel sleepy chlorine pool drained ugh lets hurry up with this blog!!!

hmm i dont know!?? im too drained to continue now, and all that meat chewing gave me a headache. i dont like chewy meat!!! but it was grilled. once, at a hibachi with kim, we had the filet mignon. it was wonderful! it was buttery soft and so easy to chew. the best red meat i ever had!

anyways, there was guy there who was personable, and i think would of been fun to chat with. sort of nerdy/funny. and scotti was telling me about how she already owned 3 properties. you see, it is easy to get a good career going for you. i could of been on the right path if i had the right guidance. its not that i am stupid! i always had a 4.0 gpa deans list phi theta kappa. i have always got good grades and i know how to study i pick up on skills, i am very creative and artistic.

where did i go wrong? nj and pa girls can do good for themselves you see!? i mean, she is saving up money and she is going to move and buy a house at the beach in sc. i forget what beach!?? uh...whatever!??

i got duis. i fucked up I FUCKED UP!!! but i see that sobriety can actually bring good opportunities. listen, so should i become some sort of sloppy, useless heroin addict, see? i dont drink everyday i dont become out of control. so why do these ex heroin addicts become vice presidents (like on the steve harvey show today?) people who are ex alchohlics and drug addicts become counselors and good ppl of the community, yet i am shunned and made to be some sort of loser trash? i give up! 

so yeah, then mike was like, 'yeah wait...oh, yeah scotti was telling me she has 10k saved up and is moving next year to get a house. she had a bunch of guys that seemed to all be like, idk...it reminded me of scarlett o hara and all the dufus' that were in love with her , (but one was gay we found out), and mike turned into one of them! he was like, 'aww shucks, scotti! you, your a pretty girl! ' (in my head he was like that) after she said she went on a date and the guy told her her boobs were too flat! oh yet mike tells me all the that i have small boobs and he likes big boobs. i have never had anyone tell me my boobs are too small i know they arent huge but, i have never had any complaints yet mike is always talking about big boobs. yet he was telling scotti about how that guy is a fool. geez, everyone fawning all over her!?? and then mike! and i feel like ok mike!?? calm down! and he was getting a chubby (lol) in his pants! i feel like a big creep because he is being a big creep. then she asked him if him and i are dating and he said just friends so the gay guy was like, oh so you became friends or she said so you are like close friends now and he said, 'close to killing each other' wtf mike? even tho later he tried to chuckle the whole thing felt like a creepy drenched convo and when her guy friend left mike was like, 'it seems like hes in love with you; but i tried to save it by going, 'hes protective' which is when she said hes gay. i dont know, mike starts to talk and then he will keep talking..i dont know about you but when you are a girl and you bring your guy the guy should paint you in a good light and be respectful and not resort to becoming an aww shucks fool, then switching to calling me out like im a monster bitch! "aww shucks miss scotty, you can do better than that! your a pretty girl! but whats a blue collar dude like me thinking i deserve a pretty girl like you' (then to me)..."she aint a better volleyball player than me. SHE she she SHE is the devil bitch blah blah blah cunt cunt " he never says that but when does he EVER say good things about me!? and i think im a good looking girl! he doesnt realize how good i am and he just starts getting me on my case bcuz i am not working now, i dont have a good job, blah blah blah! and then i try to save his ass by not making him seem like a complete douche ugh i should not of brought him. i am making a bigger deal than it was but still it bothers me.

aww shucks miss scarlett! i told him and he just goofily laughed. i need some cute funny guys to flirt with or somthing!!??!?!

oh and i would NEVER flirt with any of mikes friends!

let me tell you something so, i do not cheat and i dont care how many times mike wants to tell me im a cheater i am NOT!

when mike and i first started going out, i thought he would feel happy and proud to be with me...i mean face it, hes not the best looking guy out there, and i think i am pretty hot, yet, i invited him to lisas bday party at riverside, and he was all like, showing her the gettysburg map and getting all excited and then i invited him to scotties housewarming party in hellertown, and he just talked to her all night. at parties he would fawn all over crystal like homer slobbering over the venus de milo in the babysitter episode...i mean, not to mention all the times he gets 'spaghettio meatball eyes' when he checks out attractive girls. where are all the hot good looking guys!???! there always seems to be attractive girls walking around never once did i see cute guys!?? the whole time we lived in bethlehem he would talk about actresses and check out other girls...etc etc..and i started feeling very...meh. so when i worked at the airport, there was a cute tsa guy who used to always talk and smile a sort of, half smile that was cute...and i started to feel attracted to him...so yeah, mike who knows? plus he never wanted to go out with me, he would always try to control me, tell me what to do, make me feel like shit because i was not working, i went to lincoln tech in hopes for getting a job...anyways, mike never wanted to do anything and the tsa guy asked for my fb and my # so he invited me to go out so i did. ok? 

but so what? if i am dating someone who is respectful of me and yeah other girls can be attractive but dont please dont be rude about it! and dont be a creep hitting on my friends either...mike thinks its funny well,.haha!! so funny!!!

but yeah i dont cheat! if i am with someone that i care about i would not do that! 

also, scotti went to criminal justice and became a security guard but now she is a dealer at the sands she makes like 14.00 an hour plus tips so she said like 18-20 an hour but she is going to work on a cruise ship when she moves 3 days a week how cool huh? oh but mike was asking where and what days she works. he might bring his friend there for his shift and get mad when she goes for his friend, but of course hes not going to tell me, but when i ask what happened he will jsut yell at me. why else is he not friends with scott of burgess? has to be a girl. now hes going to go to her shift and bring a friend...of course he wont tell me tho...

oh weird!??! ok so....google it! i just ..weird

yeah kim posted something about the ice cream, since hse keeps talking about her blue moo ice cream!?? i have no idea!? and weirdo joe maltby said not to eat too much ice cream but then he says i have a desirable figure (in my new bikini) and im not trying to be desirable for him or anyone relly!??
kim said its blue like a waffle and i was like, kim, do not google blue waffle! then i did...i guess its from syphilis..well on conan just now, they did a wikibear thing about al capone oh it too um the blue waffle went to one of those gore sites (not my thing! ugh i cannot view stuff like that ok? death gore nasty shit like that)

so fan correction was about how al capone died wiki says 'aphysixian' or something and the guy says to google it, and it went to syphilis i just said google it (blue waffle) and that is about syphilis i think all in all nasty stuff altogether!??!

so um......im just gonna publish now!??!

i want to watch monument men with my parents but i also want to chillax up here i will watch movie tomorrow! 

ginte


ok i have more to write the office is on now, and amy adams, i wanted to write about her before..

something used to seem so normal about her but something is so off about her. its like, due to her movies where she becomes saturated by a character she plays, the MK oozes off of her. she played the disney fairy princess in that one MK movie..( i never seen it), i did see american hustle, she was all weird in that, also just seen 'her', she was supposed to be a frumpy...then um, i guess the office, where she is another pam, but more..weird? 


something just doesnt seem right about her!?? i noticed the big telephone in 'her'...(call up another one of her alters) american hustle multiple personalities

i dont know? i just...feel like she did some evil stuff or she does evil stuff..
im mad because i press enter but its not entering!!
see?

i press enter a bunch of times to have a better paragraph but nothing!?

oh yah amy adams reminds me of my aunt sally tho, with her curly red hair and smile wrinkles around her blue eyes...cept my aunt sally is a pure christian, with a silly side tho!??

what am i talking bout why cant i press ENTER and go to a new paragraph!

oh yeah..nevermind!!

last night

you know, whats his name, jimmy, bothers me every day basically to go swimming, fishing, hang out by the river, well actually, he bothers me every day for a ride to the store, to pick up his meds, to lend him some money, to get him a 40....its really ANNOYING! but since it was nice out, (somewhat) yesterday, i was like, 'ok since sage isnt around, then maybe i wont mind some clams and roasted corn and beer and a fire, some tunes and chill. i know that jimmy is annoying tho! he is one of those people i was mentioning, that talks and talks, but doesn't listen. i reserve myself to reserve modes around blabbermouths who do not listen! despite all the interesting things i have to talk about, i understand that hanging out with jimmy will just be like.....ehhh boring!?? perhaps!??

so anyways, i bought a bunch of food, we went to shop rite. i just wanted clams and roasted corn, jimmy wanted to get a pork loin and barbecue sauce?

so we got clams, a celery/carrots/onions mix, bbq sauce, butter, marinaded pork loin, bbq sauce, and some corn on the cob. i also bought some beer, a 12 pack and a 40 for him, and a 3.00 6 pack of lil pony beers...

so, ok, first of all, i also have RULES for camping/cooking out what not...

START EARLY! so that you can get cooking by 5 pm! before the sun sets, before dusk!! but also, not too early! especially if your gonna be drinking!!

set up camp!!! get your fire fixins! here is how to make a freaking fire!!

ooh i want smores! that can be desert!! 

oh i had to take a shower.  now i feel refreshed!!! i feel like a muppet, brushing/pushing back my clean hair. AHHH!!!

yes so, HOW TO MAKE A FIRE!!

make sure you have all your gatherings ahead of time! it sucks when yar hungry, and ya have to go on searching for your freaking gatherings!!!

what you need to start a fire! (next time i go to the private beach, i am going to make a youtube video)

- a clean, flat surface. earthen...
- a bunch of big, round rocks
- dry logs. (lol! logs!)
- wooden shavings and fillings, think filabuster style, (thin, wooden blocks, newspapers; dry, crispy leaves; small, chopped up wooden chips, basically this is gonna be firestarters, but make sure you have a plenty!
- lighter of course!!!

then, before you light up fire, pyramid or teepee the wooden blocks, larger logs, to form a teepee structure, and then, add a bunch of the fillins underneath the teepee, then light up the fillins it should soon catch and light up the wood..now, rub your hands together cuz we're gonna get to cookin!

oh yes, more of the rules to do a cookout type shpiel...

-make sure you have a nice, even spot to make your fire
- chairs. yes. bring them! or at least tree stumps. something to sit on! and make sure you have plenty of seating space depending on how many ppl are gonna be there.
- good food! YES!!
- good tunes! bring a radio with enough solar power/battery power to sustain, or if you are at  campsite, whatever!? you know the drill!!
- bug spray or bug candles
-  i said teepee now i am gonna say "T.P" yes girls, you are gonna
 need some biodegradable toiley papier! because if you plan on consuming some cervezas, your gonna hafta pee, and nothing sucks more then being all damp panties cuz you cant wipe!! no matter how long you try to drip dry for, its just annoying
- also, dont forget the hand sanitizer as well! cuz you'll want to sanitize too, especially if you plan on grubbin on some grubs!! num nums
- good flashlight!!! lanterns too perhaps???
- make sure that you will be able to pack everything up on the go style so if you go home you wont forget anything, or if you have a tent, have it set up prior to darkness falling, set up your blankets, sleeping bags, etc...also, make sure that you are comfortably dressed. it may get chilly so bring a comfy sweatshirt, if it is hot, bring swimming stuff!

last, but most importantly (not sure if this is last but this is the most important) HAVE. GOOD. COMPANY!! this is so crucial! i am beginning to lose hope for humanity!! i mean, geesh!! why is this so hard to find!??!

egads!! i will explain...but first, yes, good company is very crucial!!! i mean, good conversation is superb! good company, good scene, watching the sunset, nice buzz going on! why is this so fucking hard to find!? i like being around people too, i just, i like being social too ya know!??! and not always hanging out with my parents and sage, i mean, i want to do stuff with sage, but i also really turn down my personality, and i kind of get really annoyed at sage and my dad...they get on my nerves! i want to be myself! 

i want to laugh, joke around, put on makeup, make myself feel attractive, open my eyes real wide while explaining things, unlike not even trying. why do i want to feel attractive around my family? i miss romance. i love summer romance. that makes me feel alive! 

my parents and sage are not leaving! i want to put on makeup. its so nice out! i want to do something!??!? why are we just sitting around inside when its so nice outside?! why cant i just..have a boyfriend that actually wants to do things with me!??! who enjoys doing fun things? not some jerky idiot!!

so, yesterday, we went to shop rite. it was starting to get kind of late. plus, i was tired because i woke up at 8 am and didnt get to take a nap. i just like to feel well rested. idk!???! 

and jimmy kept talking about silly things...i was like, ehhhehh!???!

so then, he started the fire, but he went to get a chair, he was gone for a while...so i was just sitting by myself. while i was sitting, i heard someone say something. i thought it was jimmy coming back, so i was like, 'i know right?" it wasnt him tho. it was three people going night fishing. i felt silly. i was also getting buzzed from the beer and starting to want to conversate. ya know!?? chat! talk! whatever

so those three people walked to the river to fish. finally jimmy came back. oh, before he left, he started the pot of boiling water, and added in the celery,carrots, and onions and a bunch of bay seasoning. he was right, that smelled absolutely delicious! so he finally came back with the chair for me (when are they LEAVING!???! its 5 pm already!!) 

there is only so much of a dull, double chin enducing face i can do!!! dayum!! 

i told him about the three people, who were fishing. i thought it was time to chat and cook!??! we did add the steamed clams. i was thinking he would add the corn and start the pork loin tho, and sit down and we could chat about greys or whatever!? i was in a chatty mood. well, he said he was gonna see who the 3 ppl were. so he walked to them, and he was still there 20 minutes later. he never came back, he just left me sitting there by myself!?? why? we had a nice fire, beer, music, so WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LEAVING ME BY MYSELF SO YOU CAN TALK TO SOME OTHER PEOPLE? i walked up and it was two guys and a girl. i stood around for a while, while jimmy was blabbering at the one guy, who seemed like an old toker/smoker, drinker of the beers. the other two were a younger couple who didn't say much. the one was fishing. 

i was getting annoyed so i was like, 'hi im his buddy i live in brainards' so the guy was like, 'oh yeah where in brainards?' i was like, up the road..broad st. i dont no like company! if your cool then cool! like i said, i do like 'loudies' but if you are friendly, and introduce yourself to me. fuck jimmy, he never thinks to say, yeah this is Lori. hes another dolt! man! wtf you know!??!

i was thinking, we have a FIRE!?? so why the hell are all being loud out here? so i said, 'Hey we have our food cooking and beer and a fire, and he is trying to fish. if you want to join us for some beer and clams, we are by the fire' (hint hint)

jimmy doesnt get it tho!? fucking moron!

i went back, and they were still standing at the tip of the riverbend. i mean, i want to SIT and be by the fire!! and take care of the food and fire, and grab a beer at leisure, right? jimmy was more concerned about making friends, and the one girl seemed very stuck up and rude for some reason!??!

so not only was i lacking conversation...ugh. eventually they all came back, but they were standing 10 feet from the fire! and i gave the older guy a beer, oh yeah, i payed for the beer, yet jimmy gave 2 of the beers to his brother, and had one for himself, (which was fine, hes going to pay me back anyways), *i also have his 100.00 flashlight! i didnt realize i had it tho!? it was in my bookbag)...he also gave another beer to his mom! this was a 12 pack mind you!! so half of that was given out to other people! right??? i drink, and when i drink, i prefer 8-10 beers , usually 9 beers tho thats just what i drink!!??! hey call me what you want whatevs. or red wine. i could use some red wine! id like some tonight, but since i have no one to hang out with (jimmy actually msgd me about a party at the river) HA!!! im not drinking tho but i am SO CRAVING CHAT CHAT FUN CHAT BLAH pretty sexy hot fun sex!! bling bling!!! 

so yeah, we gave out all our beers!! man! i wouldnt of minded if ppl had their own drinks, and if we actually all talked amongst each other, instead, it was jimmy pushing his drunken face rambling on to that old man, while the two younger couple was standing silently. no one ate the food anyways, and even stupid jimmy was like, "im not eating im not hungry' SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME BUY THE PORK LOIN (with food stamps still tho!??!) fuck! there were a bunch of clams, and we put the corn in with the clams to get steamed, we had some melted butter...it was dark or i would of taken pics of the clams and corn, i think phone died tho...

i was eating the clams tho. thems were delish! and the corn was delightful. yes it was good! 

i hate life. i just want to meet someone. someone i can be happy and excited to be around ,and vice versa.

oh the sentence just deleted. of course! anyways, they were all standing feet away, jimmy  that guys face, no body wanted to eat. well the boyfriend of the girl had some corn i saw. 

the older guy lit up some big ass fireworks! that was cool and nice! i liked that!!! 

they soon left, and we didnt have beer left! we were gonna go to riverside, but then a dad and his son came around, looking to take over our fire? they said some guy gave them his fire the other day. jimmy looked like a drunken, revelling fool, talking all to the dad like a ,'be friends with me' sort of sad lonely way. no beer, no one to talk too!? i was not going to sit around a dad and his son like some sort of bittered, half drunk HAG so i was like, 'im going home!" we were tossing around the idea of going to riverside but jimmy had no money and i was not going to spend any of my money. it was late anyways, midnight. i had my card, not cash tho, at my house 
but my parents were there and i didnt want them asking me questions. i left and my parents are like, ' i dont want you hanging out with them' i am a grown woman! and guess what!?? sometimes i do like drinking my beer! "no dont drink! its not good for you"
 
i have no hangover today. although its now 5:25 in the evening wtf am i gonna do? jimmy says another fire and beer but last night did NOT go well. mike wants to do something but what!???! oh and forget about going to the bachelor/bachellorette party at susans. 

please, i just want to meet someone, or group of friends, who are cool, fun, easy to talk too etc..seems like its been so long since i had that!!!!

ok i think that is all!!??!

Maleficant review

Maleficent means 'evil in intent' soOOoooOoo....sage and i are questioning...a lot! 

Last night, we decided to go see Maleficent. We were the only ones in the theater, but it was a Wednesday night, and it the time was 10:10 pm. There, Disney, another 40 bucks, (well, whatever your cut it is)...

The other day, when we stopped by my Aunt Sooks and Kim was there, she just put Avi to sleep, Sage told Kim that her mom looks like Maleficent, and Kim kind of questionably laughed about it, "your mom looks like maleficent!??" she repeated with an upturned question at the end, eh?

Sage and I remembered when we were sitting the theater and we saw Maleficent (angelina jolie), and we were laughing because we remembered Kims reaction.

The truth is tho, Lisa does look like angelina jolie, and there were certain scenes where she really looked like her. i am not saying it means anything par se, but it does hit the heart coming from how cold and distant maleficent became, in the movie it is because stephan poisoned her or something, and SPOILER

he cut off her wings. i remember hearing that angelina jolie actually said that represented a rape scene tho!?? this is all total MK programming...

 “We were very conscious, the writer and I, that it was a metaphor for rape,” Jolie said of the harrowing sequence, in which Maleficent’s wings are stolen as she’s in a drug-induced sleep. “This would be the thing that would make her lose sight.”

http://reelgirl.com/2014/06/angelina-jolie-tells-bbc-maleficents-wing-cutting-scene-is-metaphor-for-rape/
 ming So does that mean that, in that specific scene, he...didn't cut off her wings?? i mean, how would rape make sense to the movie? did stephan rape maleficent? or, is there a deeper, more hidden, more SINISTER meaning, behind the choppy, ditzy plotline of the movie, complete with a ditzy, dufusy characters of aurora and her fairy godmothers (even tho the movie addressed them as dopes who couldn't even take care of a baby, they even had a sort of 'three stooges' feel to them)...i'll get back to that later...(but the ditzy overlaying layer, so we do not question, so that the CHILDREN do not question!???! we are all cowardly dum dums, like how stephan was cowardly, not the king we orignally thought he was. we are all confused!?? in this confused ditzy inundated stated thanks to mtv and social media etc...YOLO and all that, we no longer THINK for ourselves!?! we are programmed too!?? to the extent they wanted...even sage, she wants to know but it scares her to know to much, i think that is why they talked so much during the movie tho, so they would not get hypnotized, entranced

so why would angelina jolie address the wing cutting off scene, (SPOILER!!!)









the one where uh...he cut off her wings as opposed to killing her, so that he can become king..

oh my gosh i just sat in nervous patience for about 7 minutes because blogger froze when i tried to add a picture....my internet connection is so slow anymore!??! this is so lame!

so, the rape scene isnt significant to the movie, maleficent, but it IS significant when it comes to MONARCH programming...*last night they played venture brothers on adult swim and he kept talking and asking about the MONARCH BUTTERFLY*

one of the fairies has these annoying butterflies flitting about her the whole time...

levitating, (symbolizing dissociation)....occurs plenty of times. also, maleficient did a lot of hijinks at the fairies...(targetted individual type stuff?)

we wondered, if maleficent was at first a good fairy, why was her name maleficent? mifilisent means evil in intent?!?!

what else??

spinning wheel! oh yeah, when caleb, sage and i were gonna go to the free fall at dorney park, this band KEPT PLAYING WHAT GOES UP, MUST COME DOWN! SPINNING WHEEL, SPINNING, ROUND AND ROUND! they kept playing it tho, o'er and o'er a-gain!!!?

there were SPINNING WHEELS in sleeping beauty! prick her finger with the spinning wheel, the THIMBLE needle fall asleep!??! hmm....!???!

weird i just looked up and axe (sage is talking), commercial on, he said take your FINGER (prick finger)...and put it in your hair, sage was talking so i couldnt really pay attention to the AXE commercial, i did notice masonic checkerboard in that commercial, and he was SPINNING a GLOBE, the finger....G freemason

my dad also brought up his finger that hurt because the air conditioner cut him when he was bringing it upstairs...when we watched the movie, just thought i would mention that idk??

three fairies, one put butterfly on baby aurora, and butterflies constantly flitted around her, even when she was supposed to be a normal human, those annoying butterflies were still flying around her!??! one would think they would drive her crazy!! well, thats what happens!

sage told me the fairies names, one was fawna??

they seemed 3 stooges like too...sage is reading info about it. one of her wishes was 'to never be blue' and the other was ,'to be beautiful', and the third didnt get to even make the wish, sage said it could of been for aurora to be smart but since she didnt get to do it, aurora was ditzy and dumb, such as waking up with a silly grin on her face when maleficent levitated herself through the forest, and aurora woke up in the woods. 

aurora in a TRANCE when she pricked her finger tranced out on the SPINNING WHEEL

i think levitation is very symbolic of satanic rituals, when one levitates it means demons are near, so yes, satanic rituals and dissociation.

in the movie, maleficent, she was levitating prince philip to the castle, to try and have him give her a kiss (by this point you know spoilers are involved, not like it really matters tho!!?? ha!)

so maleficent was trying to help her, (maleficent was a handler....they often love bomb their children, but turn into the evil stepmother, evil fairy godmother whatever, when they program them) they even used jolie pitts lil baby, shiloh i believe, in this movie. 

oh yeah, a preview of cinderella with a butterfly landing on the crystal glass slipper...

three godparents or aunts or whatever...that aurora had no qualms at all about leaving them , (funny, before that, on tv, two shows with actor dj qualms was on...i think thats his name!?? first big bang theory then a criminal intent show))

is sage ever going home? cant think!??

hmm......aurora...dawn...philip..horses...

in the movie, prince (??) philip didnt even DO anything!? he was SET UP!??! set up to kiss aurora (her name was never rose in the movie btw)...that is symbolic of real depictions, they can make someone look heroic when they want, set them up for failure (which happened in the movie), raise them UP to bring them DOWN

its all a freaking set up! everything is!!! the handlers behind the picture!!! 

another scene in the movie was when they wanted to kill maleficent, it was on a checkerboard pattern, and she was surrounded, and they started doing a drum like beat, which sounded very ritualistic, reminded me of when i read that the neighbours heard drum beats the night amy winehouse died (was killed) they also heard screams too...doesnt sound like an  overdose to me!??!?

she conjured up the dragon. i like dragons. but then i thought of the tattoo i have, weird nj, its a dragon looking jersey devil in the tattoo, and a satanist did that tattoo. yes, todd is a satanist. i never had a problem with him tho, hes cool, but now its just...weird??? i understand some satanists only believe in the elements of the earth and respect, the aleister crowley like belief in 'do what thou wilt' etc etc etc...i cant really think since sage keeps talking!???!

:/

i do think, it gets over on you, sneaks on you....

i think SAGE SHHHUSH!! i cant think of what i am trying to even say!??? 

anyways, the movie is about project monarch programming. the rituals involved in fracturing the minds. the fairies 'blessing' aurora with certain traits, 'beauty and grace' are programs...they were programming her with those traits. they left out smarts so aurora was always dimwittingly smiling at everything. all the actresses are programmed. angelina jolie, definately MKd, and elle fanning...

maleficent was also her handler as well. if you read spritz's book, how to make an illuminated mkd (im so distracted because sage keeps talking, she just said to remember the name 'briar rose' hmm ok..rosecrucians?) the movie basically follows the code of conduct on how to build an MKd slave! and in the end, they try to kill the 'elder witch' in a masonic ceremony..

which leads to the main scene of maleficent getting her wings back, and flying up, luciferian/fallen angel glamourizing...

the ditziness of the characters leads to the confusion, bad means good, good means bad!??!?

Satan, the angel of darkness, is good! maleficent was made to confuse children, and for them to adapt to the idea that 'baphomet is good!"
and dont try to get into the details of baphomet. im going to add some pictures now.

what goes up must come down (also note the HORNS looks like maleficents horns...and the childrn...confuse and brainwash the children! that goat half man half woman is...scary looking, but...GOOD? like angelina jolies maleficient character!??! mommy!??)

crazy butterflies

casting her with beauty as a butterfly lands on her nose

interesting pic as hands are behind her handler jolie

disney has always been into the occult (also sorcerers apprentice)

shh silence programming

not sure if there is anything else i want to add but this is so slow and i am getting nervous highlight and delete is gonna happen so PUBLISH
































































 o

just want peace and quiet!!

so i really need to start focusing on getting my act together..meaning, i need a job, and i want to set up a doctors appointment for my bloodwork..it is hard tho, well, sage slept over again, and i was hoping to try to fill out applications and stuff...i have a headache! sage just rambles on in a monotone voice while my dad, 'grandpa' just talks and talks...i just really, need to get my life together but i have to entertain sage because she is here, and i understand that she gets bored but, i have such a headache!!! they both just, never shush!! just, some peace and quiet! i got a call from a job in canada, i mean, i want to call and see what that is about? i just, need to stop entertaining everyone! to be fair, 

i love the summer but i have been not feeling it because of my depression, and to be constantly hanging around and doing fun stuff i mean, i am not happy with my life right now!!

i cant relax sage keeps talking!!!! ahhhh!!!

i wanted to go to fill out an application at the greenhouse, so i asked my mom if she wanted to go with me, (sage wanted to go to sallys) but it turned out my dad was going to take us, and then my dad said to me, "i dont want you working there' i dont care! i need a job!!! he always tells me, 'i dont want you going out. i dont want you working there. i dont want you driving' im an adult! "thats what parents do they worry" yes but at the same time, i am an adult and it just becomes very annoying when i want to fix my life so that i can be on my own, and not have to dull myself down to family mode every day. "why are you complaining?" "your not doing anything with yourself" 

i want to make a review and symbolism lookout for the movie maleficent. not too in depth but i am super tired right now...i am tired and annoyed and i have a headache!! its 130 in the morning and i am so tired and everyone keeps on talking! just....just SHUT UP EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!





 


 

so i was in the court house today, just a small courthouse tho...and like i said, it was only me.

well, robot chicken just now, had a courthouse, and the judge literally threw the book at the defendant (or whatever  )


that msg was for me huh!??!

ok i cant see the cursor anymore!??!  tomorrow i need to go to the greenhouse or whatever bye!

6/18

im back! so, i realize that my last blog may sound kind of confusing, a mish mosh of sorts, to which i will reply, ehhh so whaaaaaaaaa!??????

i am going to make a new blog anyways, when tho!?? who knows!??!

my preliminary trial was today. i slept downstairs, we were all so tired from dorney park, it really wore us out. being in the sun all day going on rides makes us tired.

i woke up thanks to sages phone alarm, and i went upstairs to sleep some more. i came downstairs and my mom was making pancakes. i was going to just make a bagel, but since she made so many pancakes, i had two of those. they filled me up, but not in a way where i was no longer hungry. i was. pancakes just fried dough. meh. i am not really a fan of pancakes but my mom made us all them. i do like maple syrup tho.

wow is it HOT!!!!!!!! i need a fan!! i dont know how i am going to sleep!?! honestly!

i took a shower and we left, i did not realize that the court trial for the preliminary was going to be in bethelehm! sp...however. it was held in bethelehem not easton. my dad drove me. it was just my trial there. my lawyer knows the judge and the judge was very nice. i stood there and listened to them speak of travelling with their families to budapest, france, italy. yes i was listening to what they were talking about. must be nice huh!? being able to travel! hard work pays off kids! dont drink and drive! the judge noticed my nails i wondered if he noticed my masonic checkerboard patterns!?? i did that on purpose! kidding!?? i have no idea tho!??

so yeah, i  trust the lawyer he knows the judges and everyone. he knows what he is doing. the question is....what!?? i mean, today went well phew! but there are 3 possible DUI judges......

i dont know!??! at this point, i just want it to get over with!!! but who wouldnt!??? its hot in here...

so he says that one prior dui is showing up, which is good, but at the same time, background checks are always sketchy...i mean, we will play it by ear.

i am just hoping for the best, and honestly, i want and need my life to get better, so i am really over drinking in general. i get the worst headaches and hangovers, i want my life to get better.

i want a job, i want to start writing too, heck, i want to travel to budapest! wth!??!

so anyways, i am glad that the prelim went well. i mean, next court date is august 21st so in the meantime i should be working, right? right!!!

so thats that!!!

oh on conan, oh i will just make that one tomorrow. i cant think now!?? too hot and its late. blah!!!!

:D




 
 

tuesday

i never seem to have the proper attire to wear, whether it be for court, church, cooler days, and freaking hot days! despite going to the mall, and buying tons of muscle shirts, what kind of pants to i have to wear? with my ballooning weight, i absolutely have no clue as to what kind of pants to obtain? should i stick to my rule of thumb, which is comfy, comfy, COMFY!? i mean, if i am around the house, i want to be cool, comfy, and casual! i don't want to walk around in cutesy cut-offs, i just want to keep cool and comfortable. after i eat a terribly bloating meal, i can feel my belly expanding, and if i wear muffin top inducing shorts or jeans, i always have to unbutton the buttons to let my waistline expand and not feel completely squeezed in.

this house is very messy, and cluttered. often times, it is hard to find the orange juice which was there a day ago, which seems to find a nice hiding place behind the 4 or 5 half gallons and caraffes of milk we have in the fridge. we also seem to have 4 or 5 blocks of cream cheese, although no bagels? (actually we have a bunch of new bagels now), but the fridge is such a confusing, mish-mosh of leftovers, milk, eggs, and cream cheese...we also have soda.

oh my gosh! it is now super hot! which is fine!! i just...well, i need to go to mikes and get my shorts. i am wearing a tank top, and my bras brastraps are not pulled tight enough so its popping out at the straps, causing my tank top to pop out too, (i'd take a pic too but i don't feel like it). im also wearing these wrangler cut offs (which were either my mom or my dads?), they all went to aunt deannas pool, so i wanted to change into some sort of comfortable casual shorts or something, but like i said, i am wearing these cut-offs, which i had to unbutton and they slowly unzipped and i do not feel comfortable at all, i feel disgusting! like i said, fitting, comfortable clothes are key! i mean, i don't understand why i am just never freaking comfortable!???!

in all fairness, i did get a bit of sun, and i look a heck of a lot better than i did when i was pale and frail. if you need an idea, think of how used we are...um...to celebrities wearing perfect makeup all the time, so that when we see pics of them GASP! not wearing makeup, they all look pale and sickly, you know? like iron deficient sick bags and hags!?? i will try to find some pics, and post them!

ughhh, so yeah, that is how i usually look like. plus, i have been feeling so...blase lately. i think it is also because i live at home, with my parents, so i find myself acting old. i just, idk, i act old i guess. i am slow, i like to....talk about how weak i feel!??! not to mention, i have not been working, i feel totally sorry for myself, and i lost all hope! sage comes around a lot, but you know, i try to be entertaining...like i said, i need a job, and then i need to have fun!

i love the summer!!!! i want to grill and chill!!! i need to do a lot!

no more excuses!!!

so, yes, yesterday, the kids wanted to go to dorney park. my dad, bless him, bought the 3 of us tickets and caleb bought his own. so we went to dorney park. yes, it was hot out! and i was still feeling weak, but you know, i was there, and i actually do enjoy rides, so we went on the roller coasters and such. caleb and i actually convinced sage to go on the free fall and steel force, which she used to be afraid of! i wish sage actually liked communicating with lisa, so she could brag about her going on these rides to her.

i don't know anymore!?? sage is in her teenage years, and apart from her mother not really being there for her as a child, i see how sage also gives her mother a tough time now, which in turn, upsets lisa, but what does she expect? i also think alchohol makes lisa very crabby. i think she will not see this until she STOPS drinking! drinking really muddies up your thinking. i know sage now has attitude problems, but lisa can change things around!??! i was going to send her a letter, but i just decided not too, besides, that would make things worse. now, i am not even sure how that letter will even apply to her? at this point, i'm not even sure anything really matters!??!

does anything truly matters? if you have tried before, and no matter what you do, someone is going to have the same opinion of you regardless of what you do, like i just said, what does anything even really matter!??! you can change your life around, but what does it even matter? i mean, it just doesn't!!

dorney park was hot. i went on tons of rides, and since sage was afraid to go on certain rides, i went on the rides with caleb, like posessed. the talon, the one roller coaster sage and caleb wanted to go on, shook up my head, and after that i honestly felt like i could not go on any more rides. sage wanted a henna tattoo, caleb wanted an airbrushed shirt, but it was almost closing time, which was 8 pm (still not yet summer hours)

i just wanted a candy crush candy, im not even sure why!?? to post on instagram!?? i need to get comfy now, but its so freaking HOT!!! hmm...if i go upstairs, i already know there is nothing comfy and casual to even wear!??

i have a bunch of loose fitting capris, but they are still at mikes. i havent texted him in two days...today and yesterday.

only problem is, i signed his address when the judge needed me to sign off my address. i don't want to talk to mike. i did all i could for him, yet he will never change. he will constantly put me down, he is never going to see me other than the terrible names he calls me, (whether that is some power/control trip whatever, i am done with it! and not because i want reassurance from anyone. i actually get kind of defensive when pp put him down.

ahh! i got it! see, i have all kinds of muscle shirts, i need to get me some more guy clothes, but loose fitting pants and what not...

mike just texted me....he said he has an overwhelming sadness with no recovery. what am i supposed to say to that!??? how am i supposed to respond to that?

i can put myself in his shoes, which i have...and he feels he has done something wrong, he feels burdened by what he did at the party. yes, weston and laurin were upset with him, but it is because they care! they too, lost a very good friend they do not want to lose another one!. they know that mike is hurting.  laurin told me, (even tho she was in no mood to talk to anyone because she was hurting), she told me they would give mike a ride home. i think we all been through a lot. we were all there when thor the big dog had to be put down. i think we all deserve each others respect. so yes, westin and laurin were upset when mike decided to drive off after he has been drinking. i was upset and scared too! i thought he was going to kill himself, or get a dui! and he constantly gets on my case about my duis!!! they were upset with mike, because they care for him!!! yet, he feels so upset that he did that, that he feels he needs someone to blame, and i become the SCAPEGOAT! I wanted friends, i thought they liked me...i am lonely. i like to be around people. i just want to feel like i can relate. i mean, i dont know? susan said she is having a get together on saturday, a sort of bachelor/bachelorette party. i am not good for mike. he thinks i am a monster or something. he cant just invite me and he controls me by telling me i cant drink anymore! "you can go but you cant drink!" i am capable of controlling myself in a socializing environment. i like to be witty, i like to conversate, agree, listen and learn. i like to hear people out, i like to chat, crack jokes, you know???? what i dont like is to be told, 'listen, you cant drink or all hells gonna break loose' i cant deal with that anymore! i am a grown adult! it should be up to me the decisions i make!??!

i mean, mike feels ashamed to confront susan or gabe, gabe is christians brother. gabe actually gave me a hug, and told me it wasnt my fault. he knows mike was upset and drinking. i mean, his good fucking friend just killed himself! how the fuck are you supposed to be!? your brother, your fiancee, your son!!?? your friend!?? how the fuck is anyone supposed to react and act when someone does that!??! right!???!

i know susan is having a party this saturday night. i would of liked to of went, i mean, i would like to go, but that is only if mike can treat me with respect, which he will NEVER do!!! he is upset because he wanted to go, but now he feels ashamed due to the way he acted. he blamed me because he cant deal or face with the fact that it was HIM who acted that way! and yet, he is on my case due to my drinking, and driving at that?! and look what the fuck he did!!??! he said he drove away before i could start a scene!??! i was planning on leaving, actually. i wanted them to take his keys but when i walked over there, not a single FUCK was given (idk, im trying to be like that annoying cheezburger link that always shows up with that ugly girl holding her bared breasts while her boyfriend was too busy playing video games, sort of what mike did to me btw, i do not want to see 'jersey boys'. i read something about how much of an egotistical, arrogant man um....the concert that moss so wanted to see, oh...frankie valli...i was going to share my opinion on that but right now i just want to finish what i am writing now)

yeah, i walked over there to ask SOMEONE to take mikes keys but i was feeling kind of unwelcome and uncomfortable!/ and awkward, so i walked back to mikes truck, where he got delusional and took off.

do you know how HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND AWKWARD IT FEELS TO FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE JUDGING YOU!???! AND HOW PARANOID IT IS TO HAVE A BLOG WHERE YOU SHARE OPINIONS ON SOME NASTY VICE ARTICLE YOU READ ABOUT *PUKE* PROLAPSED BUTTHOLE PORN!??! yeah! i read some article and it had a link and i watched the link in disgusted....i dont know, that like, nervous disgusted feeling you get when you know you are watching something NASTY!!! ill probably write about that later!???!

im going to publish this and then i will write about the preliminary trial today because i am starting to get nervous this will highlight and delete! and i will be so pissed if it does!!!!!