the girls in the end of the dorm room where i was sleeping (they changed me from the sitters to the workers) always sing this song when they hear it on their translucent am/fm radio i never heard this song so lets hear it
MORE TO COME! STAY TUNED!
Friday, February 27, 2015
hey bae
be back soon. still in jail. work release. home for another hour then shower and go back.
:(
I CANNOT WAIT TO BE DONE!
:(
I CANNOT WAIT TO BE DONE!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
jester was killed
im back real quick.......been in jail for a week, (lots to come! i have lots to write about!!!)
still have not recieved w2 from white castle. she sounded annoyed but i am the one annoyed!! what is so hard about this!?
WHO IS LULU?
lulu is a LOUD MOUTH innapropriate woman at my job.
jerome (the jester) remember??
HE STABBED HIS GIRLFRIEND AND WAS KILLED BY A COP!
HE SEEMED SO NORMAL!?? I CANNOT FATHOM! I WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT HIM REMEMBER?
oh they burned my right eye with hydrogen peroxide....yeah....
i dont have much time tho
im not sure when i will!???
ok gotta run
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS I BEG OF YOU! IM SO LONELY
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
so tired
ello! i said ello!?? anyways, yeah so.......today is essentially...my last day of freedom i suppose...for a while. i am so not sure what to expect. i mean, it has not really sunk in, but i think i will not allow it to throughout the whole process. tomorrow i have to get the cavity search and stuff..ugh...jk ha i hope!??
so work, i was working next to the one woman, she started chatting about a movie she watched. '7 deadly sins' or whatever. she said the guy ate a fly for 35,000.00 she asked us if we would i was like, 'yeah its 35,000.00 right!??" she said she wouldn't. she spoiled the movie tho, by telling us the rest of it.
then she started talking about reality shows and we started talking about flavor of love, rock of love, and surreal life. ha! i really could of said, 'i met a bunch of those people, and oh yes poison!" but i just didnt. i dont talk about myself nor do i want too..
i personally do not think it is anyones business despite how much i get trolled....
she also said that prisoners should be doing our job and started talking about people in jail.
i kept quiet. i told the guy who hired me the one who is in charge of all that that i have this going on but aint no one else need to know!!
man im tired as heck! i was intending to write more but i had no time.
when i came home i curled up on the couch with the heat blowing on me and had taken a nice lil nap. mike wanted to come over so he did and then my parents came back my mom made indian tacos
on fleek! ha thats my new word. i like it! on fleek!
um what else!???! yeah then mike left we went to walmart. my mom bought me a bunch of things to bring with me, greys and whites, socks/underwears etc TOOTHBRUSH shamp/cond essentials
um so yeah...now.....well..........its almost midnight.
shit.
shit shit SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :/
hey ya know.......what were you talkinng about all that stuff you muttered!?? bout sites.
ah freak im going to fleek sleep man
so work, i was working next to the one woman, she started chatting about a movie she watched. '7 deadly sins' or whatever. she said the guy ate a fly for 35,000.00 she asked us if we would i was like, 'yeah its 35,000.00 right!??" she said she wouldn't. she spoiled the movie tho, by telling us the rest of it.
then she started talking about reality shows and we started talking about flavor of love, rock of love, and surreal life. ha! i really could of said, 'i met a bunch of those people, and oh yes poison!" but i just didnt. i dont talk about myself nor do i want too..
i personally do not think it is anyones business despite how much i get trolled....
she also said that prisoners should be doing our job and started talking about people in jail.
i kept quiet. i told the guy who hired me the one who is in charge of all that that i have this going on but aint no one else need to know!!
man im tired as heck! i was intending to write more but i had no time.
when i came home i curled up on the couch with the heat blowing on me and had taken a nice lil nap. mike wanted to come over so he did and then my parents came back my mom made indian tacos
on fleek! ha thats my new word. i like it! on fleek!
um what else!???! yeah then mike left we went to walmart. my mom bought me a bunch of things to bring with me, greys and whites, socks/underwears etc TOOTHBRUSH shamp/cond essentials
um so yeah...now.....well..........its almost midnight.
shit.
shit shit SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :/
hey ya know.......what were you talkinng about all that stuff you muttered!?? bout sites.
ah freak im going to fleek sleep man
Monday, February 16, 2015
LEAVE comments please!
so now that i will be a prisoner, fan mail and mail in general is very important! just to know that there may be some out there who genuinelly enjoy reading this blog, and all that...so peggy, she used to call and we would talk on the phone and she told her jokes....
but yeah you know, i mean, sometimes i feel like i do not matter, or that i am this awful person.....or.......i just dont like myself. whatever
its hard to explain but those phone calls felt like a sign, from God. just to let me know i am still important and that i do matter. i mean, like i was reminded of myself as a child, as a girl. my aunt sally prayed for me, and i know that i will be forgiven and that i can obtain a normal, healthy life. and peggy calling, a person from my childhood. she was always old, but she is still around!?? we didnt even know she was still alive!? she never sounded old tho. she always sounded....like the voice who sings, 'i want a hippopotomus for christmas!"
moss keeps msging me. anyways i was thinking about orange is the new black. one would think those who end up in CRIMINAL prison (aside from DUIs)...would not be 'all there'. that morello character proves that point. i mean she stalked that guy!!! a normal person would not do that!! even tho she seems kind of 'normal' on the show!?? right? a girl at work is kind of slow. she even said she has a learning disability. you can tell after talking to someone for a few minutes, something is not right. the girl is 22 and has 14 and 16 year old friends!??!? (work stuff)
i have been thinking about things. such as, do i have some sort of mental instability? i think this stuff at work. am i paranoid schizophrenic?
i always think i am targetted. i always feel nervous.
ahh whatever bye
but yeah you know, i mean, sometimes i feel like i do not matter, or that i am this awful person.....or.......i just dont like myself. whatever
its hard to explain but those phone calls felt like a sign, from God. just to let me know i am still important and that i do matter. i mean, like i was reminded of myself as a child, as a girl. my aunt sally prayed for me, and i know that i will be forgiven and that i can obtain a normal, healthy life. and peggy calling, a person from my childhood. she was always old, but she is still around!?? we didnt even know she was still alive!? she never sounded old tho. she always sounded....like the voice who sings, 'i want a hippopotomus for christmas!"
moss keeps msging me. anyways i was thinking about orange is the new black. one would think those who end up in CRIMINAL prison (aside from DUIs)...would not be 'all there'. that morello character proves that point. i mean she stalked that guy!!! a normal person would not do that!! even tho she seems kind of 'normal' on the show!?? right? a girl at work is kind of slow. she even said she has a learning disability. you can tell after talking to someone for a few minutes, something is not right. the girl is 22 and has 14 and 16 year old friends!??!? (work stuff)
i have been thinking about things. such as, do i have some sort of mental instability? i think this stuff at work. am i paranoid schizophrenic?
i always think i am targetted. i always feel nervous.
ahh whatever bye
orange is the new black?
i don't know...so i went to work today. work is work idk, what can ya say about work, cept maybe a few snooty looking expressions, (or not...who knows?), i mean, i can write about work but.......im not there anymore so i don't really care. hmm...nah i dont feel like writing about work. its cold, and repetitive. its a job!? i aint there to make friends, i mean, i talk to some of the other ladies that work there.....but for the most part, whatever. i tend to zone out for the better.
after work i had to go to the jail for the tb tests. my dad didnt know where to go (i had a feeling) he asked some cops in the parking lot where he had to take his daughter to the tb test...(i felt so embarrassed and awful). why did he do that? i felt like a big LOSER! we then went to the corrections facility i had to go to to take a class or whatever. that was not it. the police showed me where to go. when i went outside my dad was outside the car smoking a cigarette in the parking lot!? wth!??
i walked down the dirt road that was covered in snow, crunching my way to the old fashioned jail ((it was in between the buildings and hidden on the court and jail campus...))(cant think of the name of it), and i walked inside. whoa boy. i am INSIDE. OF. A. JAIL!???! WHAT THE HECK!????????????/
right!???! he showed me where to go and i had to sit in the waiting room. other people were there. i had no idea what i was doing there.
i felt awful. eventually i talked to the others waiting. we were all waiting for the tb tests and what not. one of the girls recognized me from court. actually, i think...she might be the girl who worked at hot dog johnnys? it looks like her!?? i'll have to ask her later. also seen the other guy from the ASP classes last august, remember? anyways we were all waiting and talking. then i had to follow the nurse when it was time for me to get my tests done. she looked young. she was wearing faded blue scrubs and had dark hair and glasses, kind of reminded me of shannon.
it was an evaluation or whatever,,,,tests and stuff...they had to take blood for tb, hiv, and pregnancy. she had to check my hair for lice too..take my stats, ask me about my medical history, temperature, and ask me if i knew about 'miranda' or 'marissa'. "no?" i guess marissa is............i cant find it on google. well its when you do not take showers and you get all grimy and gross. you get it from touching other 'inmates' (whatever i will be!? an alternative sentencing person')...touching open wounds, walking barefoot, not taking showers. its all scabies like.
i did find this tho: http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-Federal-Prison
so yeah, i had to answer all these questions. i just got out of work so i was in work mode/professional mode...so i was not able to shake that off to realize that i will be going to a JAIL for a MONTH!!!
ya know!?! the other girl says it is kind of cold and that there is a library....vendor food. also for work release i have to get changed before work how the heck is that going to even work!??? maybe i can change to my work clothes at mikes house!???! because my parents pick me up.......hmm...so confusing!?????????? i cant wait to finish this month then come home to finish up on house arrest. i should be done in may!??! (SYNCH my dad just said cape may)
i had synchs happen earlier too, yesterday i was looking at something about 'wednesday adams' and someone said 'wednesday'
also........i was reading about someones contacts (on facebook) and my dad asked about my contacts (lenses)
im kind of nervous and wondering what is going on.........
my aunt sally called and my dad told her, she is a nurse. she prayed for me and told me to read my Bible while there. that was nice.
this is odd. peggy, this lady, (she is kind of slow but nice...she used to call all the time when we were kids. she would tell us the same joke about Miss Cheif...and a few other stories and sing five little pumpkins.) what is strange tho, is that she just called...right now!!? and she was asking about me.
my dad told her i am not in the army anymore. (she forgets)
i am so tired. i was not able to take a nap.
i think about feeling excited. feeling like WOW about life. weird too the nurse on untold stories of the ER has the same smudgy makeup the nurse at the jail had.
hmm........i kind of wish i do not have to work tomorrow so that i can take care of things. i need to cancel my drs appt. need to get travel size toiletries and what not.
man they did not explain anything!???!
i am SO TIRED!!
orange is the new black? (that is what i keep thinking of tho)
weirdness
after work i had to go to the jail for the tb tests. my dad didnt know where to go (i had a feeling) he asked some cops in the parking lot where he had to take his daughter to the tb test...(i felt so embarrassed and awful). why did he do that? i felt like a big LOSER! we then went to the corrections facility i had to go to to take a class or whatever. that was not it. the police showed me where to go. when i went outside my dad was outside the car smoking a cigarette in the parking lot!? wth!??
i walked down the dirt road that was covered in snow, crunching my way to the old fashioned jail ((it was in between the buildings and hidden on the court and jail campus...))(cant think of the name of it), and i walked inside. whoa boy. i am INSIDE. OF. A. JAIL!???! WHAT THE HECK!????????????/
right!???! he showed me where to go and i had to sit in the waiting room. other people were there. i had no idea what i was doing there.
i felt awful. eventually i talked to the others waiting. we were all waiting for the tb tests and what not. one of the girls recognized me from court. actually, i think...she might be the girl who worked at hot dog johnnys? it looks like her!?? i'll have to ask her later. also seen the other guy from the ASP classes last august, remember? anyways we were all waiting and talking. then i had to follow the nurse when it was time for me to get my tests done. she looked young. she was wearing faded blue scrubs and had dark hair and glasses, kind of reminded me of shannon.
it was an evaluation or whatever,,,,tests and stuff...they had to take blood for tb, hiv, and pregnancy. she had to check my hair for lice too..take my stats, ask me about my medical history, temperature, and ask me if i knew about 'miranda' or 'marissa'. "no?" i guess marissa is............i cant find it on google. well its when you do not take showers and you get all grimy and gross. you get it from touching other 'inmates' (whatever i will be!? an alternative sentencing person')...touching open wounds, walking barefoot, not taking showers. its all scabies like.
i did find this tho: http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-Federal-Prison
so yeah, i had to answer all these questions. i just got out of work so i was in work mode/professional mode...so i was not able to shake that off to realize that i will be going to a JAIL for a MONTH!!!
ya know!?! the other girl says it is kind of cold and that there is a library....vendor food. also for work release i have to get changed before work how the heck is that going to even work!??? maybe i can change to my work clothes at mikes house!???! because my parents pick me up.......hmm...so confusing!?????????? i cant wait to finish this month then come home to finish up on house arrest. i should be done in may!??! (SYNCH my dad just said cape may)
i had synchs happen earlier too, yesterday i was looking at something about 'wednesday adams' and someone said 'wednesday'
also........i was reading about someones contacts (on facebook) and my dad asked about my contacts (lenses)
im kind of nervous and wondering what is going on.........
my aunt sally called and my dad told her, she is a nurse. she prayed for me and told me to read my Bible while there. that was nice.
this is odd. peggy, this lady, (she is kind of slow but nice...she used to call all the time when we were kids. she would tell us the same joke about Miss Cheif...and a few other stories and sing five little pumpkins.) what is strange tho, is that she just called...right now!!? and she was asking about me.
my dad told her i am not in the army anymore. (she forgets)
i am so tired. i was not able to take a nap.
i think about feeling excited. feeling like WOW about life. weird too the nurse on untold stories of the ER has the same smudgy makeup the nurse at the jail had.
hmm........i kind of wish i do not have to work tomorrow so that i can take care of things. i need to cancel my drs appt. need to get travel size toiletries and what not.
man they did not explain anything!???!
i am SO TIRED!!
orange is the new black? (that is what i keep thinking of tho)
weirdness
Sunday, February 15, 2015
2/15
im listening to that last video, that D.I.D. woman (who was born male) she is talking about how she has always been paranoid and she developed alters to help her deal. she does not like people for the most part, but developed alters to deal with it, or something.
so anyways, i lost weight since i started working. i now weigh 146. i mean, i lost about 10 pounds!??!? it is because i am walking a lot in that warehouse.
so that is good!
i am not sure what to expect this week!??! and after this week. i want to keep this job ya know!??!?
sigh........
i need to do my taxes still and have not received my white castle W2 or the express agency.
i want to do it before april 15th!! i need to get my tb test tomorrow, and cancel that drs appt. i do not have an insurance referrel!???!
so anyways, i lost weight since i started working. i now weigh 146. i mean, i lost about 10 pounds!??!? it is because i am walking a lot in that warehouse.
so that is good!
i am not sure what to expect this week!??! and after this week. i want to keep this job ya know!??!?
sigh........
i need to do my taxes still and have not received my white castle W2 or the express agency.
i want to do it before april 15th!! i need to get my tb test tomorrow, and cancel that drs appt. i do not have an insurance referrel!???!
You Can Do It! - Encouragement from Multiple Personalities
i seem to be watching youtube all day and i see all this youtube personalities....they have channels and what not. so you know, eventually i am going to make a NEW channel, even a new damn blog!! k!???!
Styling Hair From Scratch (wet) "scene" "emo" "large bang" "massive comb...
ashe does the best blow dry ha! i really want to do something fun with my hair for realllllll
Kanye West's UPSIDE DOWN SHADOW @ BET Honors 2015!!
yo this is so odd!??! i mean, what is causing this? did they do it on purpose? and his joke is utterly and completely disrespectful to his wife....man oh man!!???
Saturday, February 14, 2015
obsene emoticons?
ok so the touchpad on my laptop is not working too good its annoying! i went to look at stickers on facebook chat and well, you see..now they are all categorized right? and under happy i noticed these obsene like stickers
do you see?
looks like a butt?> wtf kim k? other one looks like spread legs or something, right!??
looks like a butt?> wtf kim k? other one looks like spread legs or something, right!??
Lisa Ann
so im sure yall heard of Lisa Ann she is a milfy porn star i guess..according to vice she is like, the most searched porn star or something!? anyways, i was on the dirty.com and i came across a pic....so um..not trying to be a hader but, girl looks beat..i mean, woman looks beat...srzly
check: k..with makeup she looks fine....
without tho...
uh i mean she got more work done but ya know
check: k..with makeup she looks fine....
racist valentines day cards
oh my gosh so i wanted to find a retro kids valentines day card to post on facebook so i google imaged 'retro valentines day' and i noticed a few racist v day cards...im like, what really!?? that is so racist! check:
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i know back then there was a lot of racist cartoons and such...idk...thats just wrong tho!
synchronicty movie night
so i watched two movies today, without realizing that they share common themes.
"Worlds greatest dad" with robin williams
he is a WRITER, his son kills himself (SUICIDE) spoiler no spoiling...also.....what else??? i mean its a good movie. oh his name is LANCE...and the ending was a scene of him jumping into a POOL (death water reborn symbolic stargate portal)
ok so next movie watched, "Skeleton Twins" with bill hader and kristen wiig
(i do not want to give spoilers but it will not affect the movie regardless)
the WRITER theme comes up, also the SUICIDE theme...LANCE is the name of her husband, and at the end, once again, a POOL scene....
SYNCHRONICITIES!!!
"Worlds greatest dad" with robin williams
he is a WRITER, his son kills himself (SUICIDE) spoiler no spoiling...also.....what else??? i mean its a good movie. oh his name is LANCE...and the ending was a scene of him jumping into a POOL (death water reborn symbolic stargate portal)
ok so next movie watched, "Skeleton Twins" with bill hader and kristen wiig
(i do not want to give spoilers but it will not affect the movie regardless)
the WRITER theme comes up, also the SUICIDE theme...LANCE is the name of her husband, and at the end, once again, a POOL scene....
SYNCHRONICITIES!!!
Friday, February 13, 2015
North West has a tantrum
Baby Nori, throws tantrum next to Anne Wintour, during Fashion Week.
poor baby, she is so cute but so sad looking, and forlorn. anyways, here is the link.
oh also, it looks like kim k is wearing the same kind of coat i sport! and i like her hair, i think i would like to get my hair cut like kims.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2951591/Pictured-Anna-Wintour-s-priceless-reaction-moment-things-south-North-West-Kanye-s-show.html
baby north west like , what you want?? (hey why is there a glowing thing by nori)
THINGS I WANT MAKEUP WISE
jeffree star lipsticks, velvet liquid eyeliner
poor baby, she is so cute but so sad looking, and forlorn. anyways, here is the link.
oh also, it looks like kim k is wearing the same kind of coat i sport! and i like her hair, i think i would like to get my hair cut like kims.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2951591/Pictured-Anna-Wintour-s-priceless-reaction-moment-things-south-North-West-Kanye-s-show.html
THINGS I WANT MAKEUP WISE
jeffree star lipsticks, velvet liquid eyeliner
Thursday, February 12, 2015
its almost 10 damn!!! well anyways, i realized that the jester guy.........oh so yesterday right...i noticed that fat bottomed girl with the red hair glanced at me with a mocking bitch face and i just stared back at her the jester whispered something to her and this other girl who talks a lot. so then when the jester guy walked over by me, i decided to ask, "so what is the TARGET goal here?" you know, keyword, TARGET!??!? but he just answered as to how many boxes we need filled and i felt kind of like, oh...but still ya know and i made sure to say target again. whatever
but then today, i realized, he did not call that girl 'fat girl' (i actually asked that one a question and she seemed normal to me)...i guess now that i think about it, the other day she was wearing a batman shirt...so, i mean, i think!?? he calls her 'batgirl' you know!??
i dont know its all crazy!??! it doesnt matter to me tho. i talk to the girls around me. we were actually late coming back from lunch because we were talking (about cyber bullying!?? WEiRd! i did not bring up the topic. she did. facebook shits).......um........i dont know! like i said, this is a JOB u know
oh so i do not want to get all upset about you know, next week. i have no clue how this is going to work out. seems i never have freedom. no matter what, something always happens. dui. moving to gettysburg (not my idea) way back when
listening to a manipulative 'fashion designer'
moving to california when i was not financially prepared or mentally ready too
um.........moving back to nj only to move in with mike.....and having 3 years living with him dealing with all kinds of crazy
finally move out and then what happens? this shit!? i mean, the only thing i am worried about is this whole probation bullshit you know!??
sigh
but yeah now i have no clue. i mean, i have a week in the jail without work release, but what happens after the week? i get moved to another facility but like, how will work work out?
i want to keep this job ya know??????????????????
so i am going to post some pics of me, uh......for inspiration (i was going to submit these for that radio station rock girls thing but i never resized them nor will i be able to go to the interview and photoshoot because ILL BE IN JAIL!!!
i just put those up because i want to lose weight again and just to say that i am kind of hot huh?
i do want to do something with my hair tho!????! dye it or idk well see!????????????
but then today, i realized, he did not call that girl 'fat girl' (i actually asked that one a question and she seemed normal to me)...i guess now that i think about it, the other day she was wearing a batman shirt...so, i mean, i think!?? he calls her 'batgirl' you know!??
i dont know its all crazy!??! it doesnt matter to me tho. i talk to the girls around me. we were actually late coming back from lunch because we were talking (about cyber bullying!?? WEiRd! i did not bring up the topic. she did. facebook shits).......um........i dont know! like i said, this is a JOB u know
oh so i do not want to get all upset about you know, next week. i have no clue how this is going to work out. seems i never have freedom. no matter what, something always happens. dui. moving to gettysburg (not my idea) way back when
listening to a manipulative 'fashion designer'
moving to california when i was not financially prepared or mentally ready too
um.........moving back to nj only to move in with mike.....and having 3 years living with him dealing with all kinds of crazy
finally move out and then what happens? this shit!? i mean, the only thing i am worried about is this whole probation bullshit you know!??
sigh
but yeah now i have no clue. i mean, i have a week in the jail without work release, but what happens after the week? i get moved to another facility but like, how will work work out?
i want to keep this job ya know??????????????????
so i am going to post some pics of me, uh......for inspiration (i was going to submit these for that radio station rock girls thing but i never resized them nor will i be able to go to the interview and photoshoot because ILL BE IN JAIL!!!
i do want to do something with my hair tho!????! dye it or idk well see!????????????
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
umas new face
just gonna put up a few pics. the only time i personally think she looked good was as poison ivy and the pup fiction chick
but she did have pretty eyes, sunken in like a mountain woman who feeds the pigs in the am...why did she have to hollywood botox and plastic herself up? dont do it! just get older! be YOU
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but she did have pretty eyes, sunken in like a mountain woman who feeds the pigs in the am...why did she have to hollywood botox and plastic herself up? dont do it! just get older! be YOU
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
moss went to the grammys
this is weird. sunday moss commented about the grammys. so i told him, 'wear cow and furrow your brows' (in the background)...well, why didnt he then tell me he was going!? i mean, you know? so then today he casually mentions, 'and you are going to ask me about the grammys. i was like, 'why would i ask you about the grammys?" then he was like, 'how was it? who did i see?" oh so that must mean you went huh moss? "yep no time to talk gotta go to the gym. talk to you later" um...ok than!?? right??? smh
so then later comes around, and i ask him about the grammys. he said it was kind of boring and ac/dc was the first band to play.
that was it.
he also said, 'i wanted you to go!"
ok so...if you wanted me to go.....right? well obv i could NOT go, which is fine, but then......you would think to tell me all about it! i could live vicariously through moss!
he didn't even take pictures and he has a new iphone!?? he said iphone does not take good pics and he didnt have his disposable.
not to be rude, but...what a jerk! and this is the right time to explain him.
because why bother telling me you went if you have nothing of interest to say!?
each time i do something, whether if it is going to work or going to a fun red carpet party, i explain EVERYTHING!! i go into detail each little thing, i say what i see, i take pictures!!
it kind of seems like he just wants to make me upset that i am not out there, you know? like, 'well lori, if you would of been here, then you would of went!"
and btw i would rather go to the oscars or something instead of the avns. ya know? i want to go to a real awards show!
and i will be the belle of the ball! ha
but yeah moss is just strange. i mean........smh......thats great that he went but HE KNOWS i would like to see pictures.
remember when he went to williams street? he knows i would of been so happy to hear about the tour, but he refused a tour?
what is wrong with his head? i mean, why cant he think *knucklehead*
see hello mcfly anyone in there?
heres the thing. moss says he wishes he could of went with me right? well if that was the case, then the next best thing would be to think of taking pictures, for my benefit. well he told me, 'i didnt think to take pictures to upset Lori " or something liek that
well then..do not tell me you wish i was there!?? cuz that is false. if he cared he would know i would appreciate pics and stories and the like.
SHEESH SHAKING MY HEAD otherwise do not even bother telling me you went!??!? who cares if you say it was boring.
(it is so hard to type w this laptop it makes it bigger and larger on the keypad)
sigh idk whatev
so then later comes around, and i ask him about the grammys. he said it was kind of boring and ac/dc was the first band to play.
that was it.
he also said, 'i wanted you to go!"
ok so...if you wanted me to go.....right? well obv i could NOT go, which is fine, but then......you would think to tell me all about it! i could live vicariously through moss!
he didn't even take pictures and he has a new iphone!?? he said iphone does not take good pics and he didnt have his disposable.
not to be rude, but...what a jerk! and this is the right time to explain him.
because why bother telling me you went if you have nothing of interest to say!?
each time i do something, whether if it is going to work or going to a fun red carpet party, i explain EVERYTHING!! i go into detail each little thing, i say what i see, i take pictures!!
it kind of seems like he just wants to make me upset that i am not out there, you know? like, 'well lori, if you would of been here, then you would of went!"
and btw i would rather go to the oscars or something instead of the avns. ya know? i want to go to a real awards show!
and i will be the belle of the ball! ha
but yeah moss is just strange. i mean........smh......thats great that he went but HE KNOWS i would like to see pictures.
remember when he went to williams street? he knows i would of been so happy to hear about the tour, but he refused a tour?
what is wrong with his head? i mean, why cant he think *knucklehead*
see hello mcfly anyone in there?
heres the thing. moss says he wishes he could of went with me right? well if that was the case, then the next best thing would be to think of taking pictures, for my benefit. well he told me, 'i didnt think to take pictures to upset Lori " or something liek that
well then..do not tell me you wish i was there!?? cuz that is false. if he cared he would know i would appreciate pics and stories and the like.
SHEESH SHAKING MY HEAD otherwise do not even bother telling me you went!??!? who cares if you say it was boring.
(it is so hard to type w this laptop it makes it bigger and larger on the keypad)
sigh idk whatev
things...
- mac pc
- ipod w. speakers
- ps4 games
- mophie iphone 5
ok also, i am going to sleep soon. work tomorrow. now listen, if by chance you people!???! are stalking me, targetting me, harassing me.......then i want to hear someone say, 'target' tomorrow. if i hear this, then i know that my suspicions are true.
and you can just go to hell.
thanks!
- mac pc
- ipod w. speakers
- ps4 games
- mophie iphone 5
ok also, i am going to sleep soon. work tomorrow. now listen, if by chance you people!???! are stalking me, targetting me, harassing me.......then i want to hear someone say, 'target' tomorrow. if i hear this, then i know that my suspicions are true.
and you can just go to hell.
thanks!
a grammy look
look of the grammys chris brown (doesnt mean i care for him but i do like his look here)
im just sayin, i want that hat and those glasses!! all aboard!!! hahaha
TARGETS
how do you know me? how do you see my blog? i must be pretty special huh if you happen to see this blog! wow! how do you even know my name? that is odd! odd indeed! how do these people know of my blog!?? geez am i that special? golly! this is incredible. oh the guy called one of the girls, hey 'fat girl' FAT GIRL?! REALLY? after i blogged about a bunch of fat girls! one of them has ham hogs stuffed into her jeans, no shape of an ass at all, she acts like a thug, she does have a pretty face tho and red hair but she is a FAT GIRL! the other one reminds me of that one SNL actor (moynahan?) that guy but as a girl, there is a nother girl just like her at this job! what is with all these fat, horrid girls!??
the girl asked a table i was sitting at for lunch, 'is anyone sitting here?" as if she may of wanted to sit down, instead, she grabbed the chair and brought it to another table. straight out of a mean girls movie. the thing is, she seems nice and if i was not singled out, i would probably talk to her but whatever.
i talk to the ladies who are around me, thing is, i am worried about next week. i have to remind augie that i will need a week off....
after the first week i then get transferred to the ASP facility, and work release. i am so not sure what to expect tho!?? i mean, i have no clue!??!?
i do like this job, despite the pawns...i mean, it was fine till, once again, the end of the day, and that guy with the jester cap that he wears once again, said, 'hey fat girl' to the fat girl.
that guy needs to be executed. just kidding but he does need to be taught a lesson. he is dropping the bomb too much and now i realize that all my suspicions are true.
am i flattered? no, i am not. however, this all adds up to me one day writing about all this.
other than that, work is, well...work!? i mean, i have a nice spot i like, (i dont want to lose that spot :( ) picking and packing. picking cookies and bars and placing them into the box. if i just work amongst myself, do my thing...(i really do not care to sit with anyone and chitter chatter about how to make spaghetti sauce) at lunch. i mean, i want to blend it. i just want to blend in!
i am fine, but seriously, i mean....HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM HUH!??
PLEASE, ANSWER THIS! damn man!
the girl asked a table i was sitting at for lunch, 'is anyone sitting here?" as if she may of wanted to sit down, instead, she grabbed the chair and brought it to another table. straight out of a mean girls movie. the thing is, she seems nice and if i was not singled out, i would probably talk to her but whatever.
i talk to the ladies who are around me, thing is, i am worried about next week. i have to remind augie that i will need a week off....
after the first week i then get transferred to the ASP facility, and work release. i am so not sure what to expect tho!?? i mean, i have no clue!??!?
i do like this job, despite the pawns...i mean, it was fine till, once again, the end of the day, and that guy with the jester cap that he wears once again, said, 'hey fat girl' to the fat girl.
that guy needs to be executed. just kidding but he does need to be taught a lesson. he is dropping the bomb too much and now i realize that all my suspicions are true.
am i flattered? no, i am not. however, this all adds up to me one day writing about all this.
other than that, work is, well...work!? i mean, i have a nice spot i like, (i dont want to lose that spot :( ) picking and packing. picking cookies and bars and placing them into the box. if i just work amongst myself, do my thing...(i really do not care to sit with anyone and chitter chatter about how to make spaghetti sauce) at lunch. i mean, i want to blend it. i just want to blend in!
i am fine, but seriously, i mean....HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM HUH!??
PLEASE, ANSWER THIS! damn man!
Monday, February 9, 2015
proud
oh btw i am proud of my native american heritage i am proud of my grandmother Mariah from my mothers side she was the sweetest indian woman. i was not too close to her because she did not speal english but i love her! and i am proud of my puerto rican grandmother, elba she was such a sweet loving christian grandmother to me and mom to my dad. i am proud of my grandfather joseph who is irish and german.
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HEY! im happy! i dont care what those people think of me honestly, they are all strangers to me so who even cares!? usually i do prefer to work in a comfortable environment, but whatever you know!?? i am going to start drawing again, painting, creating. WRITING! i am capable of producing thought envoking peices of work.
suicide
throughout the day, my mind always thinks of many things, (i am quiet like i said, and i try not to get distracted in the gaggle of hens chickenheading it up ) i think of all kinds of things, sometimes i just repeat songs in my head, or i just mentally wish who ever will be getting their nutrisystem to 'enjoy your cookies!" "enjoy your dessert!" "good luck"! its sort of mental projection notes i grant them each time i fill the box with the 'indulgent desserts'. i was thinking of suicide.
i was thinking about death, how natural it is. yet, it also seems so far. as we all know, we our walking skeletons. sure our skeletons are dressed in the design to cause our bodies to function, but this is all a minor shell for us to experience world, life, earth, being human! i was thinking about death.
we were all there when thor the dog passed, and christian, it is so strange but we knew him when he was alive, but then, he just killed himself!?
and mike...mike is the one who talks about killing himself. he has a rifle in his room.
what causes someone to take their own life? how can someone even go through with it?
have you heard about the porn star that killed herself. it is a sad story. she did some casting couch porn, i guess, she was a college student.
people just harassed her i guess and so she felt she had to take her own life!?? how sad is that. what about the girl who killed herself because she could not get a job!? she sent out resume after resume and applied yet no one hired her and out of desperation i suppose, she killed herself!??
not to mention all the high school kids who take their lives due to bullying.
here a link to the girl who did that porn movie who killed herself
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/minnesota-college-student-19-commits-suicide-classmates-bully-appearing-porn-flick-article-1.1802744
i was thinking about death, how natural it is. yet, it also seems so far. as we all know, we our walking skeletons. sure our skeletons are dressed in the design to cause our bodies to function, but this is all a minor shell for us to experience world, life, earth, being human! i was thinking about death.
we were all there when thor the dog passed, and christian, it is so strange but we knew him when he was alive, but then, he just killed himself!?
and mike...mike is the one who talks about killing himself. he has a rifle in his room.
what causes someone to take their own life? how can someone even go through with it?
have you heard about the porn star that killed herself. it is a sad story. she did some casting couch porn, i guess, she was a college student.
people just harassed her i guess and so she felt she had to take her own life!?? how sad is that. what about the girl who killed herself because she could not get a job!? she sent out resume after resume and applied yet no one hired her and out of desperation i suppose, she killed herself!??
not to mention all the high school kids who take their lives due to bullying.
here a link to the girl who did that porn movie who killed herself
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/minnesota-college-student-19-commits-suicide-classmates-bully-appearing-porn-flick-article-1.1802744
prayer
Dear God,
I heard something at work today, and it made me feel incredibly awful. I just want to blend in. I do not wish to be someone that people sickly grin at with their wicked glees and delights.
I am no longer in control of my life. I do not own my life. Who owns my life? Not I. I am worthless, I am a fucking joke that should be erased. I should not bear to live with these harassments I overhear and oversee every single day of my life. I am constantly being harassed, tortured, tormented, and being made to feel like a paranoid, delusional joke. I deserve to have these people take me, picking at my skin like the crows that they are, failing to understand or see the true love in my heart, burning what happy memories I may of ever had.
I am losing hope, for life, for feeling normal. Is this normal? To constantly hear things made to make you feel like growing a thick, numb skin, that of a reptile? Is that what I am supposed to be? A reptilian mind come to fruition? Shall I just start releasing my inner vibrations so that the serpent can resonate over my reptilian mind? I mean, what is the point of my life anymore?
I am nothing. I am just an antedocte for people to reflect on in mere pity, amusement and entertainment.
I am disgusting. I am stupid. I am a waste of space, a waste of a human being. I thank you God, for giving my parents the beautiful gift of life with me. I thank you God, for blessing me with such wonderful, loving parents, but I am pathetic.
I did nothing to make them proud. I never succeeded. The only thing I succeeded at was drinking. Drinking to blackout, drinking to erase. Drinking has caused me so many problems, and it turned me into a person, without a personality!
I will go to work tomorrow, knowing that my paranoia is true and existent. It is not paranoia, it is merely a reaction to being harassed, ridiculed, and mocked.
I cannot believe what I heard, but I know I did. This proves to me that I am a targetted individual, and that the devil really is working hard to take control over my life, my mind.
God, I know I am reaching out to you. I pray and pray, asking for you to surround me with YOUR presence, to help me, to guide me. Please God, I no longer want to feel pathetic, pity, or paranoid.
I do want control over me, I ask you to control me, control me with YOUR plans for me.
I cannot live feeling like people just want to persecute me. I want to be happy, I want to feel at peace. I want to feel in control of my life. I want to have kids, meet someone who loves me. Get married. I want to write. I want to have a good job.
Thank you God, for sending down the church music, for my dad just played it. Of course he shut it off now.
They are talking about masonry on the History channel. All I want is to blend in, and just be left alone. If someone wants to be my friend, fine, I don't care, whatever...I just do not want to work where I am made to feel so uncomfortable, that is all.
Thank you God please cover me with your blood, Jesus Christ.
Amen
I put this prayer as public, just for a little sympathy and compassion for goodness sake. Work is so weird. I mean, I just want to go to work, zone out, fill the nutrisystem with the cookies and granola bars from my station, and get through the day. It is filled with people speaking in spanish, which frankly, I feel that is rude. Also, a bunch of white dudes who are (well two white dudes).....who seem to think they know me, and some loud, fat girls. The people around me are ok, they are nice. I don't really care I mean it is work, right? A job....
you know? Just one question tho, how do people from these jobs seem to know me? I mean, I am quiet, I keep to myself, I do not stand out. So how do people find my blog, or...find out ways to make me feel creeped out? I mean, who is releasing this information? Is this how 'targetted indiviuals' work? They find you at your jobs, they find you in the grocery store, they find you no matter where they are, even in your own family, they find you?
They may not even realize the full extent of it, the full spectrum of how each little comment or expression or anything actually hurts you, how each harassment keeps building and building, until you become this insane taylor swift, tell me im insane?
Anyways, little do they realize, THEY are the joke, THEY are the puppets! Puppets be dance, you ugly, low life, low class fools!
God, I am sorry, I did not mean to become the same way as them. By calling others names, that does not get me anywhere. That makes me just as bad as them. I need to learn that. God, thank you for allowing me to pray to you. I love you and I can feel that you do have plans for me, each harassment helps me to grow stronger, and I understand how to feel level and grounded. I understand that us humans are a silly creation, we need to gossip and communicate with each other to feel important. We need to communicate about silly, unimportant jibber jabber, laughing loudly as if our loud laughs will poke holes into other people's psyches. We need to make others feel upset to bring and lift ourselves up. We need to recreate, our sexual urges are just that, horny tendencies which are foolish unless in love and married and for the creation of love and life. People are run by sins, sexual urges, lies, cheating, manipulation, addictions. Humans. Why are we so simple yet so foolishly complex? Our minds are always consumed by the internet, television, even news. We are lambasted and blasted every day by things designed to bring us down, to harm us. When will we realize the Creation, the story, pure and wonderful, designed by God? God, are we confused by things we do not understand?
Please God, I do not ask you to let go of me. I know you are a patient God, and that we are your creation, and that despite of the horrors mankind is capable of, you still look after us, all of us, for we are your children.
Please God, please grant me more strength. Sometimes I just want to be erased.
I heard something at work today, and it made me feel incredibly awful. I just want to blend in. I do not wish to be someone that people sickly grin at with their wicked glees and delights.
I am no longer in control of my life. I do not own my life. Who owns my life? Not I. I am worthless, I am a fucking joke that should be erased. I should not bear to live with these harassments I overhear and oversee every single day of my life. I am constantly being harassed, tortured, tormented, and being made to feel like a paranoid, delusional joke. I deserve to have these people take me, picking at my skin like the crows that they are, failing to understand or see the true love in my heart, burning what happy memories I may of ever had.
I am losing hope, for life, for feeling normal. Is this normal? To constantly hear things made to make you feel like growing a thick, numb skin, that of a reptile? Is that what I am supposed to be? A reptilian mind come to fruition? Shall I just start releasing my inner vibrations so that the serpent can resonate over my reptilian mind? I mean, what is the point of my life anymore?
I am nothing. I am just an antedocte for people to reflect on in mere pity, amusement and entertainment.
I am disgusting. I am stupid. I am a waste of space, a waste of a human being. I thank you God, for giving my parents the beautiful gift of life with me. I thank you God, for blessing me with such wonderful, loving parents, but I am pathetic.
I did nothing to make them proud. I never succeeded. The only thing I succeeded at was drinking. Drinking to blackout, drinking to erase. Drinking has caused me so many problems, and it turned me into a person, without a personality!
I will go to work tomorrow, knowing that my paranoia is true and existent. It is not paranoia, it is merely a reaction to being harassed, ridiculed, and mocked.
I cannot believe what I heard, but I know I did. This proves to me that I am a targetted individual, and that the devil really is working hard to take control over my life, my mind.
God, I know I am reaching out to you. I pray and pray, asking for you to surround me with YOUR presence, to help me, to guide me. Please God, I no longer want to feel pathetic, pity, or paranoid.
I do want control over me, I ask you to control me, control me with YOUR plans for me.
I cannot live feeling like people just want to persecute me. I want to be happy, I want to feel at peace. I want to feel in control of my life. I want to have kids, meet someone who loves me. Get married. I want to write. I want to have a good job.
Thank you God, for sending down the church music, for my dad just played it. Of course he shut it off now.
They are talking about masonry on the History channel. All I want is to blend in, and just be left alone. If someone wants to be my friend, fine, I don't care, whatever...I just do not want to work where I am made to feel so uncomfortable, that is all.
Thank you God please cover me with your blood, Jesus Christ.
Amen
I put this prayer as public, just for a little sympathy and compassion for goodness sake. Work is so weird. I mean, I just want to go to work, zone out, fill the nutrisystem with the cookies and granola bars from my station, and get through the day. It is filled with people speaking in spanish, which frankly, I feel that is rude. Also, a bunch of white dudes who are (well two white dudes).....who seem to think they know me, and some loud, fat girls. The people around me are ok, they are nice. I don't really care I mean it is work, right? A job....
you know? Just one question tho, how do people from these jobs seem to know me? I mean, I am quiet, I keep to myself, I do not stand out. So how do people find my blog, or...find out ways to make me feel creeped out? I mean, who is releasing this information? Is this how 'targetted indiviuals' work? They find you at your jobs, they find you in the grocery store, they find you no matter where they are, even in your own family, they find you?
They may not even realize the full extent of it, the full spectrum of how each little comment or expression or anything actually hurts you, how each harassment keeps building and building, until you become this insane taylor swift, tell me im insane?
Anyways, little do they realize, THEY are the joke, THEY are the puppets! Puppets be dance, you ugly, low life, low class fools!
God, I am sorry, I did not mean to become the same way as them. By calling others names, that does not get me anywhere. That makes me just as bad as them. I need to learn that. God, thank you for allowing me to pray to you. I love you and I can feel that you do have plans for me, each harassment helps me to grow stronger, and I understand how to feel level and grounded. I understand that us humans are a silly creation, we need to gossip and communicate with each other to feel important. We need to communicate about silly, unimportant jibber jabber, laughing loudly as if our loud laughs will poke holes into other people's psyches. We need to make others feel upset to bring and lift ourselves up. We need to recreate, our sexual urges are just that, horny tendencies which are foolish unless in love and married and for the creation of love and life. People are run by sins, sexual urges, lies, cheating, manipulation, addictions. Humans. Why are we so simple yet so foolishly complex? Our minds are always consumed by the internet, television, even news. We are lambasted and blasted every day by things designed to bring us down, to harm us. When will we realize the Creation, the story, pure and wonderful, designed by God? God, are we confused by things we do not understand?
Please God, I do not ask you to let go of me. I know you are a patient God, and that we are your creation, and that despite of the horrors mankind is capable of, you still look after us, all of us, for we are your children.
Please God, please grant me more strength. Sometimes I just want to be erased.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
photoshoot!
http://kiswrockgirls.com/
the next thing i will save up for is a MAC pc.....and then upload all the stuff, final draft, photoshop, illustrator etc...
i really do need to start writing and being more artistic.
i want to be a rock girl! hey the eye is on stage with miranda lambert...the occular....yep just like in the video i posted...a stargate of sorts. i noticed it before too......
see look:
notice the eye? so.......i am glad that i am working, but i do miss driving. its a perfect commute for me, i always like to leave work and then drive myself home and listen to my music.
im so not sure what to expect in life anymore..........i do not know how this is all going to be. the next three months will be........well, i actually am looking forward to it because it gives me an excuse to stay home and just concentrate on doing better for myself. 2015 is the start of a change...2014 was such a bullshit year, and im a horse too in the chinese zodiac. oh why could it not work out for me!??!
i watched the number 23 and time is just a pause, a wait
weird commercia..mounatin dew they all got possessed and started dancing and the goat devil in the video game
Thursday, February 5, 2015
gross butts
ugly asses
hey remember those lawn signs that you would see in the lawn, where the old lady was bending over like watering her flowers and shows her polka dotted bloomers?
oh my gosh kim ks ass and iggy izaleas. no, fake butt injections look too much like assy mc gee!
see here
girls no, this is NOT a nice look!
SYNCH on cleveland show, he just said FAT ASS
hey remember those lawn signs that you would see in the lawn, where the old lady was bending over like watering her flowers and shows her polka dotted bloomers?
oh my gosh kim ks ass and iggy izaleas. no, fake butt injections look too much like assy mc gee!
see here
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| iggys dumper |
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| kims horse ass |
SYNCH on cleveland show, he just said FAT ASS
before it gets too late, tim and eric. they did that glue commercial for the superbowl. (my dad always glues his glasses when they break)...the theme was dads, commercials about a dad seeing his kids grow up and also godaddy.com commercials. then, at the end of the game.....patriots couch was shown sharing a kiss on the lips with his daughter!? wtf
i have slight carpal tunnel so im not going to look for pics tho.
i have slight carpal tunnel so im not going to look for pics tho.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
so my friend on facebook post about it puts the lotion in the basket some meme as i scroll another completely different friend who does not know each other posted another lotion in the basket meme again and i look to the right its an ad for lotion!
facebook must group similar posts together then ad ads regarding these memes huh
facebook must group similar posts together then ad ads regarding these memes huh
hey! so....guess what? i HAVE to explain! my second day of work! i mean, it is just what i do. it might be boring to read, whatever i dont care!?? i just want to write it. so we are in an assembly line, which is fine...very repetitive yes but whatever. it kind of reminds me of the crayola setup actually. i get into my flow. as long as i have my own space and work station. and yes a fatigue mat helps. so this morning, we had new people. the girls behind me did not show up today, but a whole new crew of people were there. the girl yesterday behind me was able to keep up and stock all three things, but today she was gone and more ppl were there and so they made one of the big guys stand right behind me. so i know longer had my own work station/standing area and fatigue mat i had to share. also, my station was one of the hardest things to pack. ok the rest are boxes. boxed food, and when they put another pack, it all faces the SAME DIRECTION! including granola bars and all that. flat items right? not big airy bags. i was in charge of grabbing three items and stuffing them properly into the space in the nutrisystem box. the items were to be in this order, bagel, muffin, and bag of cheese puffs. they were all bagged in an airy bag, and all had to face the same direction, but since they were bags, items were scattered and haphazard in the boxes right??? but yesterday i had it down pat, and was able to keep up. i developed a pattern for myself. duh its not hard to do unless you get tired or carpal tunnel you see this is why i think we should change stations to just keep things afresh but we have no simblance of a supervisor just...well...ill mention more later keep in mind i need to take a shower and i hate taking showers here
so my items were the only ones with the extra puff and air and i also had to manage to face them all the same way and yes after a while my arm started to hurt from reaching back for the box of puffs. and i had no room for movement because they put someone right behind me to help pack a simple box of flat lasagna (which he didnt even manage to put in the right direction yet he was making comments about how slow the line was and how stupid that job was) um sir, you couldnt even manage to put the boxes the same way!?? and you were just putting one flat box in!??
he would so often bump into me so i pushed the table out more so i had more room but that meant i was no longer standing on the fatigue mat and whoever was setting the boxes down kept making them too close or wonky the guy would push the box towards me more making it faster for me and not only was i fatigued thanks to no mat, i had to constantly struggle to make sure everything was the right way and attempt to put them into the box nice and neatly. well it was all getting very nauseating for me, since i kept hoping they would make the boxes more neat, and i just got so tired felt like i could never catch up. i am OCD i need space if someone is too close to me i cannot think. i was doing fine and those people knew i was too, yesterday no problem. this morning i was fine but it just became too much! i just felt like i was going to get sick. and the boxes were out of order how could i properly fill in the spots neatly with airy bags and ensure they are all facing the same way? this hispanic girl who wears a lot of makeup came up to me as if i didnt realize i was falling behind, well i just could not keep up and then the other guy who was filling our boxes when we got low suggested that another guy come over to help me and he switched the order around instead of bagel, muffin then puffs it was muffin puffs and bagel and he wanted me to put muffin and puffs and the new guy put bagel in but what he did not understand was that you have to hold ALL THREE together in order to fit them properly in the box otherwise the new guy would not be able to get bagel to fit in properly but nope no one listens. (i have worked in assembly lines before duh) and the other lady the one who was talking to me in spanish yesterday didnt listen to my idea that maybe i can do one box, then let another box go through so he can do that box, therefore there would be a lull in the time so it would be easier...oh btw, while the guy switched up everything a bunch of boxes past down the conveyor without getting filled. hey boxes were switched and a new guy introduced to the station. assembly came to a halt and it looked like it was all my fault! anyone with a brain would see that it wasnt but whatever. /rant.......anyways like i said after breaks we should switch to different departments but if i was on an easy station like everyone else was, i would not care. airy bags are the hardest to pack...why? oh because of the AIR and the small space because people dont realize that you cant place boxes sloppily on the belt or it will restrict production, because i also had to struggle to fix the boxes and i like to keep things generally behind me while packing not passing on by me where i feel overwhelmed does this make sense?
and the hispanic girl was acting like i was having trouble but hey i switched to another station guess what it is easier and more relaxing to me! oh when i changed she first told me that it had to be cookie on top...i was shown cookie and granola on top, (oatmeal on the side) but she showed me COOKIE TOP and this other kid was trying to show me as if i didnt comprehend and he was like YES because she said COOKIE TOP as if i was a child and when i did it the way she showed me he said YES like i was a child! but then she was wrong. she was telling me the wrong way!?? i am like, so shaking my head. you take your job as if you are the boss so seriously and bitchy and this is the simplest job its not difficult! i would NEVER let anyone feel stupid for mistakes even when later the guy filling up my boxes when i was at cookie granola and oatmeal station was far away and doing stuff with boxes my granola was low and i said GRANOLA and that girl was like you have to say it louder? oh so i am wrong again!? so i shouted GRANOLA and laughed at the absurdity at it and the other guy ran to help me he grabbed me cookies so i got back to packing but then she went OH My GOD and threw my cookie back in the box i was like WHUT!?? it was the wrong cookie chocolate chip instead of oatmeal i did notice chocolate chip because the other lady screamed LOW oN CHOCOLATE CHIp but with all the punctuality i didnt really focus on it because i wanted to keep it in order i did not give myself the wrong box! as i was walking to break i heard her behind me talking to some white guy and i heard him say, 'well you have to make sure the box is neat you know how many times customers do not want their orders because it was packed wrong.' so i turned around and glanced at him like, 'what?" i just felt like it was a jab at me. i just started walking like i was slow and stupid and fixing the red hat my mom gave me to wear since its cold as the outdoors in that place.
later someone said to me i am surprised you didnt leave (some people walked out at lunch and never came back) hey i dont care! to me its a job and a paycheck that is really all that matters.
later as i sort of zoned out, (but packaging cookie, granola and oats) i started thinking happy. i was thinking at least i am getting payed, good hours, 10.00 an hour not bad...not good but good for me! :) and i thought about how soon my paychecks can pay for me. i was sort of inspired by that girls look tho. shes dark and looks puerto rican i think, dark hair dark eyebrows and eyeliner sort of egyptian and nice long thick hair. after a few paychecks i can afford to look more attractive and walking all the way to our spot to punch out and break room in the huge warehouse is releasing those chemicals i had when i used to work out all the time! i know how to lose weight man. also thinking about something i read about how this guy lost weight bcuz of some girl. boo hoo! what kind of sappy songs does taylor swift sing i only know of her upbeat songs...i dont know break up songs. if a girl like me isnt hot enough then yeah what am i saying? these thoughts were all in my head but now its getting late must take shower!!
oh what is it with me and my jobs? i like when i work somewhere and you can just kind of be upbeat and positive and flirty kind of...you know when you work and you just joke around but are a good worker? i dont know!?
my left hand feels carpal tunnel tho..........should i post this blog? what if someone reads it? oh yeah the girl said he should say the story in spanish. it is rude to speak in another language like that. whatever
so my items were the only ones with the extra puff and air and i also had to manage to face them all the same way and yes after a while my arm started to hurt from reaching back for the box of puffs. and i had no room for movement because they put someone right behind me to help pack a simple box of flat lasagna (which he didnt even manage to put in the right direction yet he was making comments about how slow the line was and how stupid that job was) um sir, you couldnt even manage to put the boxes the same way!?? and you were just putting one flat box in!??
he would so often bump into me so i pushed the table out more so i had more room but that meant i was no longer standing on the fatigue mat and whoever was setting the boxes down kept making them too close or wonky the guy would push the box towards me more making it faster for me and not only was i fatigued thanks to no mat, i had to constantly struggle to make sure everything was the right way and attempt to put them into the box nice and neatly. well it was all getting very nauseating for me, since i kept hoping they would make the boxes more neat, and i just got so tired felt like i could never catch up. i am OCD i need space if someone is too close to me i cannot think. i was doing fine and those people knew i was too, yesterday no problem. this morning i was fine but it just became too much! i just felt like i was going to get sick. and the boxes were out of order how could i properly fill in the spots neatly with airy bags and ensure they are all facing the same way? this hispanic girl who wears a lot of makeup came up to me as if i didnt realize i was falling behind, well i just could not keep up and then the other guy who was filling our boxes when we got low suggested that another guy come over to help me and he switched the order around instead of bagel, muffin then puffs it was muffin puffs and bagel and he wanted me to put muffin and puffs and the new guy put bagel in but what he did not understand was that you have to hold ALL THREE together in order to fit them properly in the box otherwise the new guy would not be able to get bagel to fit in properly but nope no one listens. (i have worked in assembly lines before duh) and the other lady the one who was talking to me in spanish yesterday didnt listen to my idea that maybe i can do one box, then let another box go through so he can do that box, therefore there would be a lull in the time so it would be easier...oh btw, while the guy switched up everything a bunch of boxes past down the conveyor without getting filled. hey boxes were switched and a new guy introduced to the station. assembly came to a halt and it looked like it was all my fault! anyone with a brain would see that it wasnt but whatever. /rant.......anyways like i said after breaks we should switch to different departments but if i was on an easy station like everyone else was, i would not care. airy bags are the hardest to pack...why? oh because of the AIR and the small space because people dont realize that you cant place boxes sloppily on the belt or it will restrict production, because i also had to struggle to fix the boxes and i like to keep things generally behind me while packing not passing on by me where i feel overwhelmed does this make sense?
and the hispanic girl was acting like i was having trouble but hey i switched to another station guess what it is easier and more relaxing to me! oh when i changed she first told me that it had to be cookie on top...i was shown cookie and granola on top, (oatmeal on the side) but she showed me COOKIE TOP and this other kid was trying to show me as if i didnt comprehend and he was like YES because she said COOKIE TOP as if i was a child and when i did it the way she showed me he said YES like i was a child! but then she was wrong. she was telling me the wrong way!?? i am like, so shaking my head. you take your job as if you are the boss so seriously and bitchy and this is the simplest job its not difficult! i would NEVER let anyone feel stupid for mistakes even when later the guy filling up my boxes when i was at cookie granola and oatmeal station was far away and doing stuff with boxes my granola was low and i said GRANOLA and that girl was like you have to say it louder? oh so i am wrong again!? so i shouted GRANOLA and laughed at the absurdity at it and the other guy ran to help me he grabbed me cookies so i got back to packing but then she went OH My GOD and threw my cookie back in the box i was like WHUT!?? it was the wrong cookie chocolate chip instead of oatmeal i did notice chocolate chip because the other lady screamed LOW oN CHOCOLATE CHIp but with all the punctuality i didnt really focus on it because i wanted to keep it in order i did not give myself the wrong box! as i was walking to break i heard her behind me talking to some white guy and i heard him say, 'well you have to make sure the box is neat you know how many times customers do not want their orders because it was packed wrong.' so i turned around and glanced at him like, 'what?" i just felt like it was a jab at me. i just started walking like i was slow and stupid and fixing the red hat my mom gave me to wear since its cold as the outdoors in that place.
later someone said to me i am surprised you didnt leave (some people walked out at lunch and never came back) hey i dont care! to me its a job and a paycheck that is really all that matters.
later as i sort of zoned out, (but packaging cookie, granola and oats) i started thinking happy. i was thinking at least i am getting payed, good hours, 10.00 an hour not bad...not good but good for me! :) and i thought about how soon my paychecks can pay for me. i was sort of inspired by that girls look tho. shes dark and looks puerto rican i think, dark hair dark eyebrows and eyeliner sort of egyptian and nice long thick hair. after a few paychecks i can afford to look more attractive and walking all the way to our spot to punch out and break room in the huge warehouse is releasing those chemicals i had when i used to work out all the time! i know how to lose weight man. also thinking about something i read about how this guy lost weight bcuz of some girl. boo hoo! what kind of sappy songs does taylor swift sing i only know of her upbeat songs...i dont know break up songs. if a girl like me isnt hot enough then yeah what am i saying? these thoughts were all in my head but now its getting late must take shower!!
oh what is it with me and my jobs? i like when i work somewhere and you can just kind of be upbeat and positive and flirty kind of...you know when you work and you just joke around but are a good worker? i dont know!?
my left hand feels carpal tunnel tho..........should i post this blog? what if someone reads it? oh yeah the girl said he should say the story in spanish. it is rude to speak in another language like that. whatever
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
work
i had trouble falling asleep last night, yet despite having only 3 hours or LESS of sleep, i still managed to get up and go to my first day of work, unsure of what to expect. the temp agency coordinator did not thoroughly explain what our tasks will be during orientation, as he had mentioned something about forklift driver. well, i am licensed however i am not completely confident in doing that! well, turns out, it is not forklift, it is assembly line. it is for nutrisystem but it is in the just born warehouse, so we see boxes upon boxes of peeps. it is a huge warehouse, left cold since no heat. we are essentially working outdoors except for concrete walls that seperate us from the sting of the direct cold air. it actually is not that bad, since we are moving at a fast pace, we warm up after a while. who works there? lots of puerto ricans im assuming, well because we are pa.....hispanic. they all speak spanish, but whatever it doesn't matter. i am there to work not chit chat! no out right RUDE people who make me feel uncomfortable thank Goodness! one lady started speaking to me in spanish i am puerto rican but i do not know spanish!! i really do want to learn tho! one of my goals is to get the new MAC pc and then install all the programs on it, and perhaps get that one language program, which ever one is best. i used to learn espanol en la presidio of montery! i can learn again! also want to install flash, illustrator, photoshop, and FINALLY, final draft! i need and WILL start focusing on my CREATIVITY!
see all i need is a good paying job, and i will begin to attain my goals!
i need a new hairstyle too. i am SO sick of this long, lank hair. i want shoulder length, whatever BLAH who cares!
i am tired. it is kind of upsetting that i do not drive i like to get out of work and just drive home. listen to my music.
i am not even sure when i can get my license back and when i will have to get that interlock and how long that will be it seems like everything is 18 months. does it mean 18 months no license then another 18 months with interlock, then how the FUCK is probation going to be!??!
why does probation have to be so long!?? this is just the BEGINNING! i cant BREATHE i really cant. i just want freedom. i just want to start moving ahead but how can i with all this BULLSHIT!??
and mike does not care about me i just want to be with someone who cant wait to see me and hang out with me and someone who is happy to listen to me and vice versa.
someone who is cute, smart, nice, sweet.........HA whatever!
anyways..............i think i am going to go upstairs now.
see all i need is a good paying job, and i will begin to attain my goals!
i need a new hairstyle too. i am SO sick of this long, lank hair. i want shoulder length, whatever BLAH who cares!
i am tired. it is kind of upsetting that i do not drive i like to get out of work and just drive home. listen to my music.
i am not even sure when i can get my license back and when i will have to get that interlock and how long that will be it seems like everything is 18 months. does it mean 18 months no license then another 18 months with interlock, then how the FUCK is probation going to be!??!
why does probation have to be so long!?? this is just the BEGINNING! i cant BREATHE i really cant. i just want freedom. i just want to start moving ahead but how can i with all this BULLSHIT!??
and mike does not care about me i just want to be with someone who cant wait to see me and hang out with me and someone who is happy to listen to me and vice versa.
someone who is cute, smart, nice, sweet.........HA whatever!
anyways..............i think i am going to go upstairs now.
also 21 minutes here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r84xB3tT4K8
my arms look awful i need to start working out again TONE my arms tattoos and smile more i look so miserable
well whatever!! ill be better when i start looking up......summer time!
my arms look awful i need to start working out again TONE my arms tattoos and smile more i look so miserable
well whatever!! ill be better when i start looking up......summer time!
2015 AVN AWARDS show stars walk the red carpet LAS VEGAS
go to 25 minutes or rather......22 minutes towards the end when ron is there. HA! oh that girl i that gold thing has bad knees!??
Monday, February 2, 2015
superbowl.........a few things noticed. although this years katy perry performance was pretty lame and tame, it still had a bunch of occult themes to it, the harlot perry riding in on the dark beast, (shes a beast, we call her karma) we already know katy perry is all about the dark magick...the checkerboard and chess set, pawns......cosmic ley lines rituals..stargates.........missy elliot always pops out like she did with the bride and groom britney and madonna doing her thing, singing in reverse aleister crowley backwards....switch it and reverse it.........
child sacrifice moloch commercial nationwide dead kid pierce brosnan owl.......
also last quarter right before the patriots blocked that last play, stopping the seahawks touchdown, the camera angle had two of the patriots players standing side by side so that their numbers 6 were in view as 666, i also heard the announcer mumble something about a six year old, and he definately said the number six three times...(666)
i wish i can find this but im too lazy to look for images.
anyways, drinking makes me depressed. i always feel so lost and depressed the next day if i drink. i am sick of feeling this way. i had so much trouble getting sleep last night.
in fact, i did wake up on time, but my dad said the plow trucks did not plow so i called and said i would be late but he said to come in tomorrow so i went back to sleep. i could of went to work late tho.
i said second shift because i know how hard it is for me to go to sleep! plus it pays more 2nd shift.......
i need to start getting used to going to bed early tho. time to get into the swing of things again. serve my jail time JAIL can you believe it? well DRINKING is bad! mmkay??? i need to STOP IT!
i just want to be happy. i want to get married and have a family and feel safe. i want to give my parents grandkids.
something is not good. i have not had my PERIOD in over a month! i did take 4 pregnancy tests and all negative, still tho!???!
my nose just started bleeding out of nowhere this morning. i need to get my bloodwork again.
anyways....i def need to work tomorrow!
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