Luke Perry Blood sacrifice

He died on the 63rd day of the year, his character on Riverdale is “Fred Andrews”, in Gematria = ((63)). News reports emphasized he died of a “massive” heart attack. In Gematria, the word “massive” = 43. “March” = 43. “Masonic” = 43. “Killing” = 43. “RIP” = 43. Dead at 52, “fifty-two” = 43. He suffered the stroke at his home in “Sherman Oaks” = 43. Also, “Beverly Hills” in Gematria = 67. And “Blood Sacrifice” = 67.
Furthermore, he was casted in Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming film Once upon a time in Hollywood to play the role of Wayne Launder = 63 (he died on the 63rd day of the year) and 144.
The film is set to be released on 7/26, 144 days away from today!

In Black Magic, all the numbers have to accurately line up for it to be effective.

The more you know…

Massive Child Star Celebrity Transvestigation

this is a dumb video , i just like the song (never heard it before?) and im sharing it here so i can remember it for later. but this is just...yeah just whatever HA

I always wondered and thought about, living where you work. For example, when I was at Majestic, I worked till 3am. Tired, I wouldn't feel like driving home. (I didn't have a car back then..)..my parents would pick me up. It was a big factory type warehouse, and I would imagine little apartments inside the warehouse that the workers could live at. That way, they could just walk to their place and no one would have to worry about driving to work! Cuz they'd already be there! Of course, you would get privacy. This morning, at walmart (I went in at 5am)..it was dark and quiet. I thought of when we were in basic training, waking up at 4am, getting up and getting ready for PT while it was still dark out. We were refreshed and rested tho because we were in bed by 8pm. Every once in a while, we about 4 of us had fire drill, which was staying up and doing cleaning duties and then writing letters or reading or what not, for an hour during the night. Then chow, (smells of breakfast coming through from the chow hall up to the hills where we were doing PT..the sounds of fellow companies singing their cadences while marching or jogging back to the uh..whatever it was called...the company.

So, anyways, at Walmart, I would imagine shutting the store down and letting the workers have a fun night. Hang out! (or a small group of people)...imagine. You could set up little tents and camp in your chosen spot at walmart. I always thought, "what if we had to sleep at walmart. where would you choose to sleep?" Well, I would go to sporting goods, get a tent and sleeping bag, and set up camp in some corner of the store! I always wanted to do those things that younger peeps do, you know, hanging out at walmart overnight. nah just kidding, but it would be cool to camp there!

i think of these things in the early mornings at work, when no one is really there, and im just standing guard at the self checkouts. its almost as if im back in the army, doing fire drills.

*not really but thought it would tie tho whole...strew of thoughts together)

a customer who comes through smells like animal manure and cat pee. (i just remembered that smell when i thought of the place)

i do want to find another job tho...erghhh. im getting restless and bored of walmart.

over the counter medicines and stuff seem to relax me..just looking at them soothes me, (even tho taking these kind of meds is not holistic or really good for you)...so what? i am watching an asmr video about it, i want to make a video about it.

other things that soothe and relax me,
-back to school products
- retro perfumes
- whatever.

blahhh BLAHHHH

Avril Lavigne Transvestigation

this video is kind of weird, this persons first transvestigation video...but they got some good footage. even in this initial photo there, you can see the adams apple. its so weird how once the veil is lifted, its like, 'what the!? was i under some kind of spell?" the videos of her in her younger days truly shows a boy. its just all so WEIRD!?? why can't they just keep them in the gender they were supposed to be? oh no, its a BAPHOMET! (i just made my growing up supermodel one...my transvestigation channel is in the comments..MaXy X )

What I would truly like, is a healthy, safe and secure lifestyle...

Hey, now I have 4 patrons!? Which means, I have to upload more 'exclusive' smoking content to my patreon, and still upload to my youtube channel (s)...yes, I have 5 youtube channels..however! The one that I truly envision myself ENJOYING is the ASMR one.

I want to make more asmr videos. The smoking one isn't really me. I'm just a fraud, (I feel like it)..pretending to be a heavy smoker. I have comments where people notice it, but for the most part, I get compliments all the time on the channel. IDK, this is just a test or something..sort of like, shrug. 

I kind of miss having someone to talk about things too, and having them listen, and care. I keep getting into arguments with Mike.

I think him and I are on different pages. Yes, we do love each other, but I do not feel as if we truly KNOW each other. To me, having someone to journey through life with is very important.

It is very important that your husband/wife is there for me. Someone who builds you up, encourages you, supports you, listens and understand. Someone who is patient and has virtue. Just the other day, some lady knocked on the door of Mike's car. She was looking for a nursing home. Mike didn't get it. (So, yesterday on the ride back from visiting Lila, a couple was hitch-hiking on the side of the road coming back from Belvidere. young couple. my dad pulled over to help them. No, I would never help a hitch-hiker if it was just me..but let's go back to the other day. the lady looking for the nursing home seemed kind of , not all there herself. Oh yeah, I also saw an old lady leaving the diner, and these overweight guys in sleeveless shirts didnt even open the door for her. It's just so gross...ughh. You know? manners and being compassionate, etc really do matter. fuck i have to go to sleep. 

there is so much i want to talk about tho! 

im not going to make that asmr video tonight tho..

i wanted to talk about roseanne, *lady who used to live in this house) shannan, and..i forget what else.

but yeah, it was ME who says to that lady, "do you need a ride?" hoping that mike would be like, "oh yeah, do you need a ride?" he never did tho. i said it three times until i looked at him and was like, "Mike! Let's just give her a ride. she might live at the nursing home herself!"

so he finally was like, 'ok do you need a ride?" he wasnt listening tho! she kept saying, "manor care" but he thought it was the place his brother used to stay at...(they all have issues)...but that place wasnt around. i thought it was the nursing home behind his house. so when he saw that place he thought it was, was no longer, i said, "theres a nursing home BEHIND YOUR HOUSE!" but it wasnt the right one! so while i was googling MANOR CARE, the lady said, 'this isnt the right one!" and mike just let her leave. the right one was on the same street as her. he could of given her a ride but no..

i just feel like, you know, being able to help others is an important quality and something i want in my future husband. mike did give her a ride, but it was because of me.

im going to write more later tho..about my doubts and...not just that. its just that mike doesnt hear me. he doesnt listen. he doesnt even try too.

I got 3 patrons!??!

Oh gosh what do I do!?? I'm in over my head!? I do not know how to use Patreon! AAHHHH 

16.00 a month...umm..ok ok I can do this...

hmm....

1990 Stoneham High School Last Day!

oh my gosh tho look at their style! HA! yes, we had big curled bangs and hairsprayed splayed out hair. but yeah i was not one of the POPULAR girls! HAA this is so revelational. i better go to sleep. i have that essential oils, affirmations and meditations party tomorrow at natashas.

1990 Stoneham High School Last Day!

see? these videos are now a youtube hit! oh my gosh!!! see?? i am envious of kids today, they can just film and record their youths..their youth on fire! (skid row),. or their 'electric youth' (debbie gibson)..haha! i am deliberatlely being a dork because i was such a dork back then. i so wish i had a camera phone to record things, but i didnt. but..i also grew up in a time where phones and social media were not important, or..existent at all! i was able to enjoy being a kid, as a teenager we took walks to the bridge, we werent home online. i just wish i could go back and see my high school days. they are there, but in my memory. i didn't really take pictures back then..sigh. i just have my memories.



so tonight mike came over and we watched 'bully'. that movie! i remember seeing it at my gramdma (cocoom) and my cousins house in senneterre. no one was home tho, it was just me. and bully was on the canadian channels, in french, but i was reading the captions in english.



i feel bad. well mike and i got into a fight but mike is so thick skulled, he will twist things around so i forget why i am upset and say all these things, its just a headache. i said things to him.



he finally said, "I dont see it happening" (us getting married)..i feel i just want a family. i really want a kid and im not trying to go and date and shit. moss doesnt need to see this in quotes. doesnt matter. mike doesnt understand that it hurts and disgusts me when he throws out insults like its funny. its not funny. jokes that are tasteless at my expense are not funny. but i will forget about it later. even tho he just left me after spurting shit out, words. im too tired for this. i told him that he doesnt make me feel fulfilled, happy, respected, loved, cared for, safe...



even tho yes he pays for everything just about, trips and food. well i do help out as well. and we have this florida trip planned although im not even sure why...if there is any doubt we are going to break up? why did he buy me a ring? cant he answer that? cant he tell me that he loves me? cant he tell me why he wanted to marry me? i deserve that, i think??

itinery

Thu, Apr 04, 9:00 am Newark, NJ, Arriving 11:32 am Las Vegas,

Mon, Apr 15 11:15 pm Los Angeles, (LAX) Arriving Tue, Apr 16 7:23 am Newark, NJ

that anonymous asmr 's style *not the one who looks boring to me* i like her style i wish she would make more. i think im going to emulate how she uses pictures and just does voiceovers to make a few asmr videos, such as, 'houseguest!" YES!!! i will!

ASMR Resort Roleplay

i like this asmrtist a lot, (anonymous asmr). whenever i try to look for her videos, the OTHER anonymous asmr comes up and that one does not interest me at all. this one here puts alot of thought and effort and imagination and creativity into her videos. the other one, just does scratches and instagram poses, so shrug. just because i delete posts, doesnt mean i cant still see the comments, btw.

used tampons

this is a weird synchronicity i guess...so earlier today, i read an article about jenny mccarthy, how she hated working on the view because barbara walters was so weird and yelled at her all the time. she yelled at her about throwing a tampon in the toilet. while reading, 'geralds game', her memory of her mother yelling at her sister for not wrapping up a used tampon before throwing it in the trash came up.

hmm odd. isla fisher was a guest on conan and she brought up how there was an article about her sperm. there are transvestigation videos about isla fisher out there , (conan too in fact, but honestly, i think conan's head is too big for him to be an ftm...) isla fisher, idk..

but i have to make my growing up supermodel video..its just going to take a while because i have to speak on it...captions are too annoying to deal with...

car ride with angelyne

So, April is coming up. I have that car ride with Angelyne coming up. I think she would be up for me interviewing her during the car ride. I have over 1000 subscribers now, I know it is not a lot, but it is still meaningful. It feels really nice to have supporting people, more and more people leave comments, it's just really nice. I think if I could film the car ride with Angelyne, this could benefit both of us. Or, maybe I can film the lunch afterwards, or both! I am kind of nervous about it, but I think doing an interview will help. Right? 

I need to try to get to bed by 9, I have work 5-2 tomorrow. I took some melatonins, lavender oil on my temples, as well as NyQuil. I should be ok. I want to make my "Growing up Supermodel" tranvestigation. I like them, but the Shroder fam...ehh...

I made the Linsey Lohan beachhouse transvestigation. I wish movie maker was still available, I don't really like using my voice. IDK. 

I want to get married ASAP so I can work on getting pregnant, Hey I am getting older so, you know? Anyways, I think Shanna Moakler is a real woman, she just has a natural female presence about her. Andrea Shroder however..shanna reminds me of girls i went to high school with lol

castle bam party! viva la bam!

im so tired! so, bam is having another party at "castle bam!" lol...i would like to go, but i see he is charging 100.00 to 500.00 to get a ticket in. um...what?? really? sigh...

too much money. plus, i dont really know anyone who would be that interested in going. it seems like it would be a really fun house party type atmosphere, with skaters and music and kegs and what not.

oh well..

http://www.castlebamevents.com/store/p2/CASTLE_BAM_PARTY.html#/

I DRESSED LIKE JOHNNY DEPP FOR A WEEK!

i want johnny depps style

i just told moss i was approved for those days off, but im worried about it and he says, "Dog forbid you lose that high paying job at walmart". First off moss, don't be rude and insulting. Saying 'Dog' instead of God is just gross, and yeah i am at walmart, but its a job and i fucking have responsibilities. i have bills to pay, not working is going to make me fall back. every month i make sure to make my payments. hes a fucking fool. he advised me to stop paying my nj surcharges (which i just finished paying)..he advised me to just run away when i got my last dui, just leave and go to california. yeah! he told me to do that. that if i did that, they wouldnt come get me out there. kendra did that and they found her in california and found her warrants from kentucky and sent her back home. he himself stopped paying rent since last august, because his lawyer told him too. hes suing over bedbugs (probably brought them in himself so he can have another lawsuit)...he has no concept of real life. why would i take off almost 3 weeks, i have MONTHLY BILLS TO TAKE CARE OF!

- rent
- cell phone
- car insurance
- student loan
- capital one bill
- mastercard bofa bill
- internet bill

taking off to go out there is not on my agenda. why does he always insist on me going on these trips when i am not a rich person...

i need a better quality camera i have an idea, talking gossipy on the phone to Joan...while smoking a cigarette. i remember i did some weird video shoot, like a tied up one, (when i was living in LA) a girl picked me up and it was a payed shoot but i was talking all gossipy on the phone. it reminded me of edward scissorhands and those women. i think it would do good. i need to promote my patreon more. i need a better quality camera tho!

Miki Spies is Wrong About Everything

what is this? lolllll ok!

So, I woke up early and I went to breakfast with my parents at Key City Diner. (We decided not to got IHOP because it would be too crowded.) After that, I had my dr appt. I was waiting for such a long time, and now I have to get my bloodwork redone because I was off my meds when I had it done. At least I am back on them now. I could tell a difference after not being on them for 3 weeks. After that, I went to the library to make a copy then I went to the salon down the street from me for my hair appt, which was really just a cut and some layers but she curled my hair too. I should start to style my hair more often, really. Then I went home and had some almonds then I drove to Easton Walmart to meet my parents and to see Lila. After that I went home and took a slight nap, then got up to cook my meal; french onion chicken meatballs, (I saw it on Recipes). Mike came over. Then I layed in my bed and watched the first half of Gods of Egypt. It is now time for bed...work tomorrow!

Oh, I got approved for all those days off, the thing is..I need money so Moss will need to make sure he gets me that superbowl money! From the bets. Sigh, I kind of feel overwhelmed about this trip, damnet..because I am going on the Florida trip with Mike. My FIANCEE!! Yeah! So....this trip to vegas...I don't NEED to go to vegas anymore. I really don't. Also, LA. I mean..you know? Well, we will see, I suppose! :)

Mariah Carey CELEBRITIES EXPOSED!!

she looks great, but then again...eeh..that adonis belt. come on. female hips protrude they are not narrow. plus her childhood pictures do have boy energy

Mariah Carey - A No No

how she still lookin all young and the same as always? mariah, an inspiration! i can still work out! i can still look damn good when im in my 50s! yeow! look out! lollllll

I havent been taking my thyroid pills in a while and I feel really weird and sluggish. Low energy..plus this strong coffee I had after dinner is making me feel really weird right now.

my aunt made some korean bulgogi with seasoned vegetables so we had that for dinner. we always have dessert and coffee afterwards which was apple crisp. i like that we have dinner parties and such but that coffee..im feeling weird now.

hmm...idk what to do!?? the thryoid levels are too high, so i kind of feel uninspired to do anything. im lazy and i feel really out of whack.

To my 40somethings.: We are not millenials nor are we gen x..we are Xennials. When grunge bursted onto the scene with Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Soundgarden, we witnessed this. Smashing Pumpkins painted our lives. The weezer album set a soundtrack for us. We grew up hearing 'Everybody dance now!' during our school dances, and we danced the electric slide. Caboodles held our makeup and scrunchies. Our study hall period in the library consisted of reading interesting articles about 90s topics in Rolling stone magazine. We wore flannels and mohair, (or fake mohair), thigh high socks and doc martens. we had teddy bear backpacks.

Ahh im too lazy to continue this article. it was a better idea before..now im feeling weird from the coffee i had at my cousins house...

sometimes it feels like a chore watching the walking dead, that or my attention span for this show is low. i cant help but think, 'thats not a real girl' whenever i see these characters. the facial bone structure. not saying i think all of hollywood and all actors are transgendered...i dont think that. i think most of the men are real men, but then i see macklemore (on a show just now)..he has female skull

dinner with mike

Last night, we went to this really good restaurant that I have never been to before. It was called, "Black and Blue". Mike had suggested it a few times in the past, but I never felt like going to it. He suggested it last night, so I was like, 'sure! let's go!". Obviously, it's a burger joint, and I'm not really a burger person, but we went. It was by the jail where I once lived at for a month, and the courthouses which helped me get my DUI sentence. We parked and walked a few streets to the restaurant. When we walked in, I wasn't sure what to expect. Upon first glance, it resembles a normal bar, but then, you look around and your eyes focus on little details here and there. I thought, "oh, they didn't change the decor from Halloween!", but then I glanced at St. Patricks day decoration. Mike was about to find a seat for us, but the hostess came out of nowhere and said, "I'll get you a table", and she led us past tables of candlelit guests to our table. I loved that the table had different chairs. The chair I sat at was an old fashioned dining room table, country style, and the rest were all different. There was also an oil lamp. Their was a little demon baby next to us, and in the hallway to the bathroom, there was an upside down S&M type thing which reminded me of that contortionist thing from American Horror story. It reminded me a touch of Disneyworld haunted mansion, New Orleans, witchy, Halloween, and also a touch of that friend/couple who likes to decorate their place with a gothic, velvety theme. The tables were very country style. Homey. They had Halloween type decorations everywhere. I will put pictures up. For the cocktail, I tried this smoked lavender infused lemonade with elderberry vodka. It was so good! At first scent, it smelled smoky. I loved it! It tasted very unique. It tasted like essential oils and incense. It was so delicious! Just a few sips warmed me up. Mike and I both had the black and blue burger. I would of ordered a more expensive dish, but I didn't want to break his wallet. Now, if it was Jay, I would of ordered a big meal, (just kidding, I never order the most expensive thing on a menu even if I am not paying..I was thinking this would be a good place to eat with Jay, I know..it's not right. But when I was getting excited about the atmosphere and the drink, Mike wasn't really paying attention or cared. When Jay and I used to go out to eat, our table would be our little world. He would share my excitement for new scenes, new atmospheres, new drinks. Mike never does that. At least Mike is trying...I don't mean to complain, but I can't help but think about how it would be like if I was with Jay instead of Mike. I like to be vibrant and exuberant. When I am with someone who intrigues and interests me, and when I can tell they WANT to hear and see my reactions, then I allow myself to be animated and colorful. Mike was more interested in the waitress wearing the black and white striped leggings who kept walking by. I thought I looked good, but he never seems to notice. They had a good menu too. Our burgers were well done, mine on the brioche roll his on the ciabatta roll. Blue cheese, mushrooms and bacon. Huge burgers of course. Big helping of fries. How was I supposed to finish all that? I can never finish a burger meal, but I did! Except for a little excerpt of the burger, (which I gave to Mike.) I wasn't able to finish the fries either. Oh yeah, the waitress asked for our ID's. 1978. Um, yeah...I'm old. ((I ask for IDs at work for cigarettes and they are usually from 1982 to 1997..)) so to see a 1978 DOB is like, ancient..

Food was good but I did get stuffed. Afterwards, I kind of wanted to go home, but Mike thought I wanted to get a few beers at the bar, so we stopped at Sandbar. I was supertired and full, and I didn't really feel like spending money at the bar. (Mike bought dinner so I was going to buy us drinks.) It was the sandbar, and the people there were fixin on getting drunk. There was an older lady who looked young, but in the bright light she was old, and had no butt and bowlegs who was with a black guy. They were both getting drunk. There was a drunk guy waxing whatever (politics?) with the black guy too, and another drunk older woman.

Lots of drunk older folk there, or people who were planning on getting drunk. I ordered a beer, Mike got a red bull and vodka and the bartender, (who had dreadlocks and was wearing one of those old fashioned surfer wool pullovers), she reminded me of someone who listened to the band that plays that song, "I would like to hold your hand...send me on my way..send me on my way". She was skinny and sort of looked like shannan.

i had a beer but i didnt really feel like drinking it. i ordered another one but didnt even finish it. i felt bloated and gross. plus i was tired and wanted to sleep. mike actually wanted to hang out but i was beat. i need to stop working on saturdays so i can spend the day with mike rather than being super sleepy.

and im really sick of moss being like, "kevin told me this"...he thinks shannan is suffering with addiction!?? well, i told him no shes just too WEAK MINDED to tell people no!

i believe she got hepatitis through sharing needles. MOSS KEEPS MESSAGING ME i told him to stop! its annoying! hes so annoying! now i have to deal with moss and the walking dead. its hard to pay attention to TWD. and the chirp of mosses messages.

well here is some pictures from the restaurant: oh i also liked the long old fashioned heavy curtains. 

Body odors at walmart

While I do not take showers before I head off to work, due to waking up early, (sometimes 4am, sometimes 7am, depending on my schedule), I always make an effort to be fresh. Showers are the most effective way to be fresh for work, but I have to take one the night before because I give myself an hour before going to work, half hour of that hour being me laying in bed scrolling through facebook and instagram, and 15 minutes of me getting up, brushing my teeth, finding something to wear, and having a glass of juice. Since I do not take a shower in the morning, I just make sure to spray some body spray on myself, and of course I brush my teeth and use mouthwash. I will also brush my hair and I might wear my contact lenses and some make-up. I always carry an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and I always brush my teeth after lunch to keep myself feeling fresh. I also keep a small body spray perfume so I will spray that on myself before going back to the registers.

I have dealt with many body odors and smells, from customers to co-workers. One time, I was at my register, ringing up the customer. At the register behind me, there was a family, and I kept hearing the little girl begging her dad that she needed to go to the bathroom. They were ignoring her. The poor girl kept pleading but she had to wait. A minute later, I smelled the strong smell of fecal matter. Poop! I am pretty sure the little girl lost her shit. Poor thing. I was at a Walmart years ago, and I had to use the bathroom. Once I entered the bathroom, the strong smell of poop invaded my nostrils. There was a woman standing there, with shit smeared all over her pants. Not sure how that happened, but it was the strongest smell ever. She had a little kid with her. Little kids are little shit explosions waiting to happen.

I have had people come through my line, open their mouth to say something to me, and breathe in their bad breath. It felt like I was bringing in a part of their putrid soul. It feels very invasive and nauseating when this happens. I have had people come through my line that smelled like sweat, I have had people come through my line that smelled like sweat, weed. I do not mind when someone comes through my line smellling like cologne or perfume tho. 

I have a co-worker, who lives in the projects like me. Sometimes she has to go on break or lunch, so I have to take over her register. I always try to take my time before I jump into her space that she was inhabitating for the past two hours, because it will literally give me a headache. I'm not trying to be mean, but if I go into her space, it will smell bad. It will smell anywhere between cat pee too rotting produce. It will give me an intense headache. I'm not sure if she is aware of how she smells. I know I can sense if I do not smell that pleasant, so I will try to do everything I can to remedy it, but I do not think I smell that strong where it will give someone an actual headache? 

Yesterday, I was ringing up a family. The parents were huddled around my register and the mother was holding a kid. They had two other children. I really do not like when anyone huddles so close to my register. I feel like they are too close to me. As I was ringing them up, I smelled a hot fart. I didn't say anything, but I knew I smelled something. I saw the dad look at the mom and wave his hand back and forth, like, 'phew, stinks'. Then the mom said, "That's mean.", as if it was me he was talking about..

I actually did speak up, and said, "That wasn't me." No one said anything about it, but I really felt like saying, "That was one of your damn kids!" Or perhaps it was the dad. Nonetheless, I hope they got into the car and the one who dealt it dealt it again, and I hope the dad said, 'Oh that was you!" No, mom, that was not me who smelled like a hot fart. It was either you, your husband, or your stinky kids.

I'm not gonna lie tho, one time I did fart, (quietly), I didn't even realize I was going to do it, but I did, and it did smell like a fart. The kind where you know you have to dump. I felt so embarrassed and I am pretty sure the woman with whom I was ringing up smelled it too. I just moved around really fastly, trying to whiff it away or act like it came from another person. Hey, it happens. Us humans are gross. What are you gonna do about it??

i also saw someone buy something that said POWERBALL on it..let me check on my ticket now hmmm...(i know i didnt win but lets see!) nope didnt win..

i still cant get over that local winner. i still feel it was rigged.

While I do not take showers before I head off to work, due to waking up early, (sometimes 4am, sometimes 7am, depending on my schedule), I always make an effort to be fresh. Showers are the most effect way to be fresh for work, but I have to take one the night before because I give myself an hour before going to work, half hour of that hour being me laying in bed scrolling through facebook and instagram, and 15 minutes of me getting up, brushing my teeth, finding something to wear, and having a glass of juice. Since I do not take a shower in the morning, I just make sure to spray some body spray on myself, and of course I brush my teeth and use mouthwash. I will also brush my hair and I might wear my contact lenses and some make-up. I always carry an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and I always brush my teeth after lunch to keep myself feeling fresh. I also keep a small body spray perfume so I will spray that on myself before going back to the registers.

I have dealt with many body odors and smells, from customers to co-workers. 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

To my fellow 40somethings:

To my Fellow 40 year olds:

It is our time now, to realize, we are now the old ones! Whether or not you feel this way, we are still 'middle aged', according to many opinions. 

This is a very interesting time. For one, a vast majority of us have children who may have now grown into adults themselves, or teenagers, or may still be young children. For those who have grown children who are now out of the house and in college or the military; or who have just moved out, now it is your time! Now you can go and enjoy your life! Take a trip! Have a few drinks with friends at the local bar, go camping. Have friends over for a fun dinner party! For those of you who are deciding to have kids now, well, now is your time to be a parent. Revel in these tender moments. If you are having your first child in your 40s, that is fine! Sure, you are doing it while you are a bit older, but it should mean that now you understand responsibility, and you had all that time to live for yourself, now you have a child to care for. Raising your own child will be rewarding in a way no one else will understand. 

Your 40's really are your last chance to have a child, (at least for women), men can bear children well into their 70's in some cases older! 

I find myself not trying to contribute any of my stories of when I was younger, in fear of not revealing my age. I find myself keeping quiet about my school days, and the eras I grew up in, even tho those era's were such an awesome time!

Fellow 40 somethings, face it! We grew up in the 80s! We grew up in a time of colorful, yummy smelling erasers, ditto's that smelled a little salty, remember those banners depicting the alphabet, and once we reached 3rd grade, the letters would turn into cursive. We used to get up to put our hands over our hearts and recite 'The Pledge of Allegiance'. We would wear clunky ponytails, gummy bracelets that Madonna made famous, (my cousin Sarah once told me I should'nt wear the black ones, because Madonna wore them.) Saturday mornings were always magical dust revealing rays of sunshine, settling on our hard, woven round rugs. The bulky tv's always shared a small array of Saturday morning cartoons, complimenting our sugary cereals of choice. (We never had sugary cereals however.) We would eat oatmeal and toast and such...we had our favorite stuffed animals and toys.

AND THAT'S JUST THE 80S!!! (to be continued)

"While I was born in the late 70s, I really do not remember the 70's per se, I remember times when I was 2, but I was born in 78."

jotting down ideas

I have a bunch of things I want to write about, but I don't have the time!??! So, the other day, I posted on Instagram, that I got my tax refund, should I get a new tattoo or a new hairstyle? (Even tho honestly, I really can't even afford any of those, despite my tax refund. BILLS BILLS BILLS!!!). Just mentioning getting something nice for yourself because of a tax refund will TRIGGER people. Matt, Lisa's husband, commented, "save that in the bank for when you're car goes." My car is running fine. I said, "It's fine. I'm allowed to do something nice for myself," to which he replies, "must be nice." I was like, 'oh stop. I have bills too. I never do anything nice for myself." (Except wasting it on beer when I want to stop doing that!)..Jimmy owes me money. OHH So I want to go see Ja Rule this Friday at one center square...and it keeps making me think of his song, "what..do I Do? " to all the ladies that be...giving it up? (not sure of the lyrics) well I have on the 80s music channel, and its actually a clip off stevie wonder, Do I Do, (Weird how I capitalized the Do, didn't even realize the song  actually capitalized the D till I looked up. lol the D!
yeah i want to go. i asked sherry if she wants to go she says she never liked ja rule and mike said the same thing. but i want to go because ja rule was also co-founder of Fyre fest, the failed flop of a festival, and it would just be funny to see him, plus I want to hear his music which will remind me of my 20s.

I want to write a really good thing, to my fellow 40 somethings..

something like this:

"Well, we reached it!" 

but i also want to write about my dinner with mike last night. so i had to just etch out an idea of things i wanted to write. hmm...i am constantly getting ideas of things to write, memes to make, stuff like that...


oh yeah, an excerpt from my working at walmart memoir i want to work on....

1. To my fellow 40 somethings..
2. My Dinner with Mike
3. Working at Walmart excerpt

Mike is starting to call me "Pooh Bear", (instead of Big, which he knows I hate when he calls me that...)..this morning, I put on netflix, couldn't decide to watch, so I put on Christopher Robin, realizing, it is about Winnie the Pooh! Pooh Bear! Those characters are symbolizing characters within a person, Eeyore, (he even describes his traits), Pooh, Tigger..they all remind me of old men tho. Personally, I think Pooh is one of those older kind of clueless, annoying man with a white beard or something. Tigger reminds me of the hobo type of old man who always seemed to be around the house, like a family friend, who was kind of part hillbilly, part redneck, part hobo, with a missing toof and always had tar on him, (or something..?)...idk..the movie was kind of draggy..

I was feeling so low energy..because I haven't been taking my thryoid pills in 3 weeks or so?? I have to go to target to pick them up. i just was laying around watching that movie. but i took a shower and put in my contact lenses I feel better. my belly is so big and bloated lately, its gross.

I really need and want to start a healthy diet, and start working out again. I am not planning on getting pregnant until after we get married. I want to look nice in my wedding dress. 

I just want things to start running smoothly, like this smooth 80s music, "Yah Mo B There", by James Ingram & Michael McDonald.

NEON INSTAGRAM LINER | MY HICCUPS MAKEUP TUTORIAL WTF!!

I love NEON so I want to try one of these NEON eye makeup looks!

I got mail from the person who used to live here, Roseanne. She works at walmart with me, it was an invite to her class reunion, belvidere class of 74. so i gave it to her, she rips it up! lol. she says, "heres what  I think of that." she says, "I was an outcast in school, a druggie and an alcoholic. I dont want to go back and see them!" Lol...so how old is she if that is the year she graduated in? hmm

moss says they are making him move out NOW! so he needs to find a place! he is thinking west hollywood. ill be there next month. where the hellmi be staying???

oh moss...

angelyne

I requested my days off for next month, ACMs and I'm also going to be in LA for a week or so, I will also be there for the rainbow party so that's cool, and I am going to do that car ride thing and lunch with Angelyne. How cool is that? It looks like there is going to be a series about Angelyne. She is an icon. I'm going to add some photos of her. Anyways, what else...yeah so, should be fun. I'm going to look into Conan tickets too...I guess!??!? I would like to see Rain finally, or whatever that Beatles thing is in Vegas. AHHHHH!! I need to set money aside!!!

i was invited to go bar hopping in easton with some coworkers but i cant go! I have work at 545 am the next day! tomorrow its 530 am. mannnn! ah its ok. too cold to go bar hopping.

ASMR | A Night In The Life Of Karuna Satori

oh yeah, on family guy, it was the episode where the character, Karina something..Karina DAMNET i cant think. it made me think of karuna satori tho..karina smirnoff! isnt she on dancing with the stars??



shes a big asmrtist her life is cool. her job. she has a patreon with 5412 patrons, who sub for 1.00 a month so just based off that shes making over 5k a month, not to mention all her views on youtube. and all she does is go to her moms house to film for an hour or so then hang out with her family and shes raking in the dough! i wish!?? i started up a patreon now, lets see how it goes. i need more subscribers but we will see (to my youtube)...hey, doesnt hurt to try. NOT including my patreon account here tho ha! because i have no subs now oh also, in another video, she said her rent is about 300. a month. wow. she lives in DEEP PA somewhere..windsor PA wherever that is. but cool!

family guy sync

so family guy is on, of course. sync, it showed the winning lottery numbers...(21, 31..I forget) but still..these things always happen with family guy shows or american dad,

family dad, american guy

I JUST WANT TO WIN MONEY!

powerball

sync *??* american dad, he just said, "powerball" also, i watched a food drive haul and one person commented, 'an obese man showing his pies" well on american dad, there was a fat kid with pies.

smoking patreon?

So, the winner came forth and public. It's just so crazy and surreal. He's just a regular guy, maybe I rang him up at Walmart. Now he is a multi-millionaire! I'm wondering if he chose the numbers, or, were they chosen..I still think those numbers are really odd: 29,30,33, 60,66 and 21. Jimmy is annoying. He always bugs me to hang out, he never has money. I don't want him to come here anymore and drink. I'm not trying to waste my money on alcohol. Plus, he gets annoying. He doesn't have much substance so I just suggest making a video for youtube, but then after that its like, 'ok this is lame'. I put on an 80s scary movie but he wasn't paying attention. So then he wanted to summon the spirits so I made a homemade ouija board but he didnt put his fingers on the planchette i made out of cardboard and an old pill bottle. Anyways, I am so tired, I woke up at 4 am...I had to work 5-2pm. I took a nap but I am still sleepy. what else? oh i was thinking about how to get rich, and im falling asleep for my nap, friends was on tv and its where rachel takes up smoking to fit in with her boss and co-worker. at one point, she says, "Smoking is my career". 

I have been thinking about starting a patreon on my smoking channel. Not like i smoke everyday, (i dont)...but maybe i can think of doing a monthly subscription thing..but who knows if anyone will joing and what if one person joins, then im going to have to do all this footage for one person, 5.00 a month..you know? sigh...im going to look more into patreon accounts.

and american dad is saying, 'witchcraft'. im not going to resort to witch craft and i dont know why i was going to do a ouija board, im not scared of them nothing happened. i think he thought that it would move without us even touching the thing. but anyways..i need to focus on my wedding and what not.

it would be cool to get one of those canvas tents with a wood stove. i wish mike wasnt so sleepy. ughh..hes trying..he is.

but damn, hes so sleepy. id love to hang out in one of these tents, all cozy and what not. oh man...

https://www.davistent.com/product-category/wall-tent-packages/

today!

Friday night, I went to bed, then I got a phone call. I saw it was Mike calling and it was 546 am. Confused, I answered the phone. I forget why he called me, but turns out, it was really only 1130. I was sleeping since I had to be at work the next morning. Well, this morning, he really did call me at 546 am. He was calling because he wanted to go out to breakfast. (He snuck home during the night..). I knew I had an painting shoot scheduled today with Dorian Vallejo and his girlfriend was going to paint me too. I was thinking it was going to snow so I just cancelled, but did not hear back from him. I woke up at 830 and Mike came to get me. We went to Key City Diner for pancakes and waffles. I love that diner because the aesthetic is still pastels from the 80s, I swear, the decor is still the same from when it opened up. I was thinking about how I need my good camera fixed so that I can take pictures in that diner. We sat down, and I started to tell Mike this idea, but of course he interrupts me with his negativity, saying, "I don't think people will want their pictures taken." Actually, people like their pictures taken, if you ask for permission. If they think its for a paper or something, I don't see why not!? I would never just go and take pictures of people enjoying their breakfast at a diner tho, I really am not ballsy enough to just ask, but I wish I were, because they would be awesome photos! Instead of Mike listening and hearing me out, he just has to say all these negative things, to the point where it feels like a chore just trying to morning converse with him. There is such a thing as AM conversing. Like, chill. Keep it chill, keep it 80s AM radio. Smooth! Like, Moss, he is so high voltage even in the morning. With Mike, I just wanted early morning, casual convo. It is just so hard to actually have an endorphin, feel good conversation with Mike. It gets frustrating. He just interrupts and has to always prove a point, or tries to get into these argumentative debates. He was talking about swimming with the manatees (we are going to do that in Florida), but then he said to me, "I'll feed you to the sharks." I was like, "why would you say that? That is not funny!" He says it was a joke. Still, you don't joke like that! In what pretense was he even saying that for? It didn't even make sense!?? He got so loud and cursing, dropping F bombs and such, I always tell him, I hate when he curses. It's just so trashy. I really am not a fan of fucking this and fuck fuck fuck. It shows no class. But anyways, point is, he embarasses me when we go out to eat. Not all the time, but often. That makes me think, 'hes not the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with" and I tell him this. I want to marry someone who has CLASS! Someone who is mature but still likes to let loose, yes, I do like a sense of humor, but a sense of humor which is cutting, (not cutting in a, "I'll cut you" way..but, cutting edge? I don't know? I like when I have convo with someone and the jokes flow between us. He doesn't get my subtle humor...he likes Artie Lange humor and Married with Children humor. I tell Mike this too. So, I was so embarrassed and told him, "I don't think we should get married." blahhhh

so I come home, and it hasnt started snowing, it would start at 4 pm so I texted Dorian and said I can still come, I should be ok! So I took a shower and drove over. 

They live in an old, estate like house, (College Hill area has alot of stately big houses. Most are many apartments in one, like theirs is.). It's an artist studio too. Many different rooms and hallways, it's quite quaint. The kitchen is darling, all white tiles, (just like Easton apartments and homes. Easton PA has a lot of old fashioned style buildings,)..there was a hallway leading into hidden rooms and alcoves, the bathroom, and a peek of the bedroom, with and Eiffle tower in it actually. Then the room with a bookcase which feels the side of the wall and a vintage love seat, and all of Kelly's really unique paintings as well. 

They are really cool. I like them. They do not act pretentious at all. Kelly reminds me of a fascinated young girl with her high arched eyebrows and curiousity and he reminds me of some kind of actor, he resembles an actor. I just feel comfortable being there and I like them. His attention to detail is autistic beyond understanding. Not an insult, just he sees in 3dimension rather than painting on a flat service. It's sort of like sculpting with clay, but using oil paints. She was watching him because he was teaching her his techniques. They had on classical music, ranging from everything orchestra..?? Beethoven, recognizable tunes. It was really nice and calming. 

So that was cool. I had to sit still for 5 hours, in the same position. Of course we took breaks and such. They are a really unique couple, I feel. At one point, he checked the time and it was 1:11, and we all made a wish ha! This was after I said I saw a woman with a dress and a samarai sword on the back of the easel. He said something about how human's can see shapes and patterns and images within these things, I dont know I dont remember exact words. 

Once it started snowing, I headed home. I felt an itch to stop at Nortons licquor store to pick up a 12 pack or something, but I kept fighting back and forth with myself. "Nah, you don't need it! Save money!" I found myself about to pull in to the parking lot, but a truck came out of McDonalds and distracted me, and I just kept driving. I'm glad I didn't. I find that when I drink, I just get super tired and bored. 

So then I just sort of, hung out. Made a bowl out of rotiserrie chicken, avocado, rice, red onion, lemon juice and cilantro and parsely and adobe spices. I also watched this show about an ex marine and a bodybuilder and a dad who is now transgendered into a woman. Transformer. That was good.

Mike called me. He was being apologetic and tried to explain his humor etc. Then he asked if he can come over to watch walking dead at 9. (He came over earlier).

I went to my room and sat on my bed. I found "The Shallows" in the 3.98 bin at Walmart, so I put that dvd in and watched it. I had to pause it to watch TWD, then when Mike went home, I watched the rest of the movie.

This is weird, well, the movie is about a hungry shark, who wants to eat her and ate other humans. Mike earlier, made that 'joke' about feeding me to the sharks (who says that!??), well, SPOILER ALERT, in the end, SHE fed the shark, a big bite of death! 

Everytime I wanted to rent that movie with Mike, he never wanted too. I don't see why not? It was a really good movie! 

also, tomorrow, i need to make my videos explaining the food bank one, (i get so many views with that one but so many really nasty comments..), also, i want to make my peeps review and also talk about other things. jimmy wants to come over, eh we will see. its fun when he comes over and sometimes i just want to cook and have some beer and make youtube videos. jimmys been my friend for 15 or so years. hes cool he can get annoying tho! 

GOOD sync

at work, i was talking to a customer. i replied back to something they had said, I said, "well, that's GOOD", and at that moment, i looked up, back of cheerios box, it said GOOD on it. and also ellen and it had a message it said, "You are GOOD enough!"

then while driving home, (actually, mike picked me up)...i was thinking about how i had a complaint about something, (at the moment, i forget about what tho..), and i heard, "I've got a real complaint" on the radio. (it was HEART shaped box, by nirvana)

just now, i go to watch an asmr tattoo video, kid says HEART design

memes i want to do

(has anyone ever actually ate lunch in the bathroom stall tho?)

i had other ponderings, i just cant think of them now

this is kind of weird. i want to go to the saved by the max diner (saved by the bell, the max) in LA...today, moss helped out his friend the mayor of west hollywood. they had lunch from saved by the max.

powerball winners!

I went to Quik Check, (Quick Chek? Quick Check? Quik Chek???), with my parents on my lunch break. I had soup, a pretzel thing, and other such things. There was no feel of hub-bub in the air, none of the workers were exclaiming the excitement over what had just happened at their store the night before. We sat and ate at the table. My dad purchased a scratch off ticket. Lunch break was pretty normal. 

So, I come home. I am scrolling through FB, and someone on the local Phillipsburg FB page made a post about the winning lotto winner, and how they should tell any relatives who come out of the woodwork that if they want a cut, they make a youtube video singing some song, (I forget which ones), and once they hit a million views, then they will share. I commented, and asked, "did someone win the lottery or something?" An old classmate told me someone won the powerball, didn't say how much. 

Well, I googled it, and sure enough, just last night, someone at the Quik Check, (the one we were just at for lunch,) won the 287million dollar powerball!??! ARE. YOU. FREAKING. KIDDING ME!???!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??

Now, here's the thing..look at the winning numbers. Um...

 29-33-39-60-66

and the final powerball number was 21. the numbers are coded!??

29, 33, 39, 60, 66

these are not just random numbers..these are coded numbers, they mean something.

moss just told me, that that particular store was quik check store #69. tell me that is not some kind of weird sex magick as above so below shit happening here...

pure witchery! (actually, not sure what it is, but these are def some occultic numerology shit happening..and it being the phillipsburg store???)

now I am not sure if the winner specifically chose those numbers, or if it was just spit out by the machine, but something does tell me something. These numbers seem kind of, occultic, or, coded. 

And, it happened to occur in Phillipsburg NJ!?? Also, my dad was hoping that publishers clearning house was going to knock on their door. He was convinced he was a winner. This was like a nudge, like, 'psst...go on over to Quik Check, buy a lotto ticket." 

I NEVER buy lotto tickets!?? Mike does. Other people do. I never do, because I am always thinking, 'what are the odds?" Yet, the odds were just there, right at a place where I could of easily had lunch at yesterday, (my parents met me for lunch yesterday too, we went to Chik (Chick? ) Chik Fila, Chick/Chik...??? Quik Chik..? CHICKEN?? 

I wonder what time the winning ticket was sold...

It just makes me think, well...what if it was set up somehow, to have me notice?

It could be a good thing, like a positive message, but at the same time, it may be tinged with the joker spirit. A little taunting thing, mocking and laughing at me. I am not upset that I didn't win, however, but it feels like the universe is speaking to me. Not even, it feels like it was deliberate.

Last night, I went to the DOLLAR TREE with Mike. I spotted an old Conan (well, not that old)..comedy tour. I bought it and tagged them, "Look what I found at the dollar tree", sort of like that joker spirit, taunting them, "you're stuff is at the dollar tree! lol!"...to get their attention. Wait a minute, that little taunting spirit, is doing the same to me. Wants my attention!?? 

Well, Mike came over and we layed down in my bed and put on some youtube on my tv in my room. He wanted to watch Artie Lange argue with Andrew Dice Clay over not paying him his earned 5 k. We left on youtube autoplay, I went and got a shower. Mike went to sleep on the couch. He is still sleeping, well, it is 10pm, but he fell asleep earlier, then during a movie we tried to watch. He sleeps and snores alot. Awesome.

When I went in my room, it was old Howard and Conan O' Brien. Just thought it was strange since I bought that Conan dvd the night before. Someone , (I think the old Jackie puppet), told him to find an underage Chinese girlfriend , (yeah, funny)...chinese girl. Well, Mike and I got a pizza, (his choice, extra cheese and pepperoni...I wanted bacon and green peppers...its ok, he takes me out but yeah, I do not like extra cheese coagulation)...but we watched a movie called, "The people across the lake" pure 80s! I shut it off tho because he was sleeping and I was like, whatever!

During the movie, one of the guys said, a CHINESE GIRL turned up missing.

That was weird idk...I wonder who it was!?? If they live around here, if I somehow know them? Then I will turn up as a long lost relative, (hey I see we are related via ancestry. com!) If I won that ticket, Heey, I could of donated to Rainmakers cause! 1. billion. dollars!

edit: another sync, my dad had cream of broccoli soup at quik check and my friend said she made that today. lol

here's a link to the articles tho

https://www.lehighvalleylive.com/phillipsburg/2019/03/someone-in-nj-is-267m-richer-after-winning-the-mega-millions-lottery.html?fbclid=IwAR2253E5OWsD0w8WX0zAUSU-GlXanhATi7OHXoIAoJx_XpluDS0OVdcrpmY

https://www.northjersey.com/story/news/nation/2019/03/02/mega-millions-267-million-winning-ticket-sold-new-jersey/3038163002/

Kim K angel

watching a transvestigation on Kim K, i notice how her body resembles KNOWN transgender nikita dragun.

 by the way, below is serena williams..

Add caption

KimK 

when i come home, i like to try to take a nap, then cook, then shower. maybe watch a show or two (conan and/or busy tonight, something quick and simple..i watch my more advanced shows on my days off, meaning, shows you have to pay more attention too..i keep it light during the work week. what shows have i been watching? ive been watching the lindsey lohan beach house show...shows id like to start watching...true detective, girls season 3 ((need to buy it)), sopranos (never watched it idk), deep (not sure what its about but ok..)...sometimes i watch whatever is on abc or nbc. ) but anyways, around 6 ideally, I like to hop into bed and watch youtube. i like to give myself a few hours to just lie in bed and be online..tonight mike came over and its 9 already, and i have to be up at 6...we went to hibachi and then the dollar tree. fun friday night! i miss when i used to have my music playing while i was taking a shower, then having a boyfriend come and pick me up, after i got ready and looked all cute and we would go out to the bar or clubs. lol. nah, i dont miss it. ha but spring time should be here.

its supposed to snow again overnight..what else/? i dont know. 


oh yeah duh! movies i want to BUY 
men in black 3
the shallows
encino man
the stoned age
teen wolf
somewhere

(there are more..these are movies i sometimes want to watch but they are not on netflix or prime...???)