free tarot (inspirational)

Card 1:  How you feel about yourself »

The Chariot

You feel everything is a constant battle at the moment, but persevere and you will triumph in the end. Expect some good news that will help you to keep going until you achieve your goals.

This is a time of movement and change and of conflicts ending in victory. You may well consider a journey that relates to work or go for that new car you've been looking at.

Card 2:  What you want most right now »

Wheel of Fortune

The Wheel suggests that you're looking for a turning point in your life and positive change, and if that's the case expect it now!

Life will go up a gear or two and events will accelerate you forward. Destiny is at play here - have you noticed a number of events that seem rather 'coincidental'? This is synchronicity, trust it and go with the flow.

Card 3:   Your fears »

Death

You are afraid of experiencing turbulent and catastrophic change, as we all are, yet such challenging transformation in our lives helps create the space for something new.

If you are experiencing or have just experienced losing a job, a bereavement, divorce or the end of a relationship, these changes will allow new experiences and opportunities to enter your life.

Card 4:   What is going for you »

Justice

There is a karmic power to the Justice card, reward for the good deeds you have done in the past. This is a period of good luck even if you don't know why you are being so favoured. You will approach any issues concerning relationships or business affairs with calm, balanced logic and any claim will go in your favour.

Card 5:   What is going against you »

The World

As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays - stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.

Card 6:  The likely outcome »

The Sun

The Sun is shining on you - it's your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It's a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.

respect

I found out that Lala died. She was at the jail with me. She was 38, but acted a bit childish. The way she spoke was little girly, but she was nice. She had a tattoo on her neck that said Lala. Her real name was Lalana (with the accent). I remember her explaining to me about SASY. Prior to that, I had never heard of it. She told me I get a color and I call the night before and if my color was called all I had to do the next day was show up. She made it sound so easy, but that is probably for her, she was just used to it. For me, SASY is worse then jail, by far! Annemarie later told me that she came back from work and when she went to our part of the jail, there was Lala, just sitting there as if nothing happened. 

The reason why I shared some of the girls FB profiles is because to me, this signifies a significant part of my life. No one will understand, unless they go through it...(such as the military etc). I noticed that Annemarie shared a post today to all the girls in the jail that she had tagged. She didnt tag me tho, whuteva!? So just out of curiousity, I started checking out their pages, and that is when I had discovered Lala passed away. 

As I was saying, this signifies an important part of my life, and when I looked through their pictures it just reminded me of that part of my life. Because, for some reason, I felt as if Moss might be a real friend, I shared with him some of the girls FB profiles, just so he can see some of the girls I was in the jail with. 

Lo and behold, I had forgotten what a creep Moss can be. I showed him a FB profile of this girl who sort of reminded me of jen, and i told him she is bisexual, (well, she is!?) this girl is not on my friends list, but i stalked her and just showed moss for some reason. 

I told him today about that Lala dying, and he asked me, 'is it one of the girls you wanted me to friend?"

come again? do what now??!? 

uh, never have i asked moss to friend ANYONE!??!?!! then he was like, 'whatever' no NOT WHatever moss

answer me, be honest please. did you send one of the jail girls a friends request? then he started to beat around the bush, making jokes and such.

first of all, that is embarrassing for me. if one of those girls got a friends request from some random creep on fb, they might of looked through friends to see who they know. so my name was keen to of come up.
then it would be revealed that i showed people their profiles.

this reminds me of when i told my ex boyfriend dennis what michelle rodriguez myspace password was, and he used that to msg her and try to talk to her about hawaii and lost. that made me look bad you know!??

so i kept on trying to ask moss, but all he did was make jokes.  he first said, 'ask her' then he said to look through his fb friends.

who is 'her'
that was the creepiest response ever
 i looked through mutual friends but i was not about to go searching through his whole friends list.

why couldnt he just tell me? i asked him, 'moss did you tell this person you know me?'

he dodged the questions with buffoonery. 

he thinks it is funny. i said moss please just be honest with me. please answer my questions.

"What?" he would reply. "you are confusing me!"

"Lori is the new black". "666 walnut street"

What the fuck kind of fuckery is that!?? He was mocking me.

I said to moss if you respect me as a friend, you would answer my questions. Making jokes is not respect. It is him proving to me he has no respect for me. It is him revealing to me his true colors. It is him showing me exactly how he feels about me. He views me as trash, that's what. 

Yes, I curse him out because he frustrates me and it hurts because I thought he was a friend.

He then says, "so i guess concert tickets, plane tickets for suites are not important" Him saying that to me just drove the nail in further.

I never ask him for 'concert tickets, plane tickets, or suites", he is always telling me about things but never do i ask him for anything.

Does he really think that is what friendship is all about? If so then he has been in that toxic city for too long, because that is not what true friendship and respect is about at all. I think he is around too many people that use others, but that is not what i am about. if he thinks that is what i am about, then he thinks i am trash

I do not need anyone like that in my life. 

To me, he does not represent courage, honor, or dignity.

To me, he represents sneakiness, disguised snarkiness, condescendingness and dishonesty.

i told him i will no longer talk to him unless he treats me with respect. 

Mi Vida Loca Palette: TWO-TONE EYE!

oh my gosh i always search and search for kat von d style eyes on youtube and no one ever has a tutorial but this one is from kat herself its called a two toned eye and i really like this look i am gonna start doing it, its a harley quinn sort of look. i havent worn any makeup in weeks really wow

ASMR - Boyfriend | Date Night Roleplay (Male Whisper, Kissing, Cuddle, P...

I have some asmr date night role playing ideas up my sleeve HAHA damn i need my own place ASAP! seriously i do

Miss Universe 2015: The Humiliation Ritual + MK-ULTRA Terror

also they walked through water RAIN MAN and when they did the finalists walk there were portraits of them looking down with a shattered glass effect (dissociative, multiple) not to mention the woman who ran into all those people watch video

Miss Universe Ritual

I could of told you who the winners/final 2 were to be from the Miss Universe pageant, based on what bikinis they wore. Phillipines and Columbia both wore black and white (duality). We all watched Miss Universe, (my mom and Sage) on Sunday when we got back from getting her. 

When asked why they think they would make the perfect Miss Universe, (they each wore soundproof headphones so that they would not hear each other), they gave us programmed responses. Miss USA had already stumbled her words prior, and so this time she once again stumbled her words, only to shout out, "Pay Attention" at the end. Yes, pay attention indeed.

Miss Columbia gave a very vain response, citing she is a sexy and confident woman.

Miss Phillipines said the only....well, good sound chip sounding thing, she would like to bring AWARENESS to her country about HIV and AIDS (which totally reminded me of the Miss Universe Aids awareness tour that Sanjana Jon used to do)...oh also throughout the show, Steve Harvey kept on saying, "I Pow-wow"...which was weird. sage had a chance to compete in Miss Native Princess competition but she said she was not that involved with church so she didn't. I told her she should next year for sure!

IPOWOW is a number to call they kept showing during the show (


https://www.ipowow.com/  ) weird the site has a picture of modern family with sophia vergara (columbia looked totally like her)...((((oh i was watching modern family and they had to blur out the fat gay guys cameltoe junk he was in spandex) 

so they gave out programmed answers, subliminally programming us the viewers to root for miss phillipines of course, so when the whole mishap happened, it would pack a bigger impact...

but why? what was the point of this ritual???

if you look at the logo of miss universe it resembles miss phillipines. it also resembles the columbia pictures chick and ishtar perhaps? statue of liberty/five pointed crown/starbucks siren...(even the miss universe crown is a subliminal demon face)

Miss COLUMBIA reaching for the stars. I am going to post a black child production in a few...

THE OFFICIAL JEFFREE STAR "FACE" ROUTINE

Transgender (MTF) Transition (Andrea Chrysanthe)

wow pretty interesting. im still watching it but he was a cute guy. i just always wonder about transitioning men to women, idk, just kind of interesting to me. but anyways, i think i like guys with long hair. i like that look now, i never did before...idk...being at work i kind of forgotten about feeling anything, so i forget how it feels like to be attracted to someone, or to go out to eat a restaurant, or to go to a movie...tomorrow i have to go with my parents to get sage. id rather not and just relax and clean my room a bit, i put the futon up. i cant go to sleep either even tho we are leaving in the morning. i miss going on trips. i just hope i get off sasi soon EDIT wow thats a long video. i need to go to sleep. when does he start changing!??

Anal shots/ butt chugging

oh my goard anal chugging youtube has this crazy shit...but seriously, the alchohol has to pour out. this is just gross, and dangerous. i would never allow anyone in my vicinity to do this stupid stunt.

King Weeding

The only company I have is the thoughts in my head. I like this, but then again, I do not. This causes much bouts of depression and over-analyzing. What am I? What do I represent? Do I really matter? Am I playing into this hippie hype, fueled by marijuana and ponders. I decide to take a fast-paced jot to the restrooms. Not the one that is used by all, but the one hidden in the office section. The one which is kept unlocked due to the guy that works in 'weeding'. He is allowed to use those restrooms because of his 'health condition', he told me once using quotes.

I kept note of the secret bathrooms, pushing the envelope by slowly using them every so often. No one noticed. No one cared. This new bathroom is answer to alleviate my growing depression this job is causing me. It is a path down a different outlook. 

I think about that guy who works in weeding. When I first saw him, I wondered who he was. He sat at the table like some sort of King of the Goblins, sitting on his throne. His back was turned to where I worked, and he just sat there, weeding, in solace. 

Now he has his own little desk area, where he sits, weeding. He has the looks of a smug hipster, complete with shaggy beard and a cap atop his head. I liken him to one of the lax attitude laden hipster types I seen at the drunk driving school. I don't like him much, I think. He always seems to be on a phone conference. We are at work. Who is he talking too, for hours, every night while he weeds? (Weeding is peeling the edges off of the letters, numbers and logos that we print out in Laser Cutting.)

I end up talking to him a few times, dropping casual jokes here and there. Not often, but occasionally. For the most part, I am ridden with the thoughts. The thoughts in my head, reminding me of how desolute my life is.

so moss keeps on pestering me about the damn avns and vegas and tbh i know i just will not be able to go this year. i am still on sasi, and i am working, plus i am not going to spend money on tickets and all that shit even tho moss said he would get my ticket. the truth is, sure i would like to go why not, but i just do not think this year is possible, so he needs to let off my case. the acms, yes. lets try for that. so here is a synch today i said this to moss and he told me this

he knows nothing about shutting off the rest of the world to focus his mind is so small. this world is vast and yet all moss thinks about are selfish things. 

he is not spirtual at all meaning he does not see beyond his silly stupid human self. that is him in the white and im blue and of course he did not go. no. why would he? he doesnt want to be cultured..going to a buddhist temple is something that would be very interesting to do. he is not cultured at all, maybe in porn and keeping ron around...and whatever else is going on with him. it was a synchronicty/sign that i asked him about being enlightened. that just answered my question

BTW, when you wrote this: <<right now i cant do anything what is wrong with you seriously? just because i said i miss it, doesnt mean i am saying i will never have excitement again. right now is the patience stage. do you know anything about buddhism or meditation?>> I was invited to this today: <<Tomorrow at 606 Wilshire cross street auditorium will be open tomorrow at 11 please get dear early to deal parking situation. You will be see at beautiful vintage altar to get enlightenment this ito open few time of years tomorrow will be open for last time of years come hang we Buddha's. .606 Wilshire. .make a good cause in your life. Get enlightenment. Love amy>>

that was a synchronicity see?

so you should go!

Buddhist temple

Anand Jon documents

i was googling gino (saras ex boyfriend) because i see he has been incarcerated and it sitting in the males prison at 666 walnut drive but anyways, i decided to google anand jon as i often do from time to time. i have never seen these documents but WOW!??! puts things in a different perspective. now i do not see him (well, around that time i saw him as a b-list fashion designer to the stars, even tho he also was A LIST RAPIST!!! ) but now that it is years later and i look and read all this i see that he was never a 'fashion designer' but that he was a predator moonlighting as a fashion designer. these documents are so creepy as they mention me being there several times as well.

and yes, i am definately going to write about that time. i worked for him for TWO years so there is ALOT to write about. man oh man...

http://www.courts.ca.gov/opinions/nonpub/B220072.PDF

Adele - Hello

I wanted to see what made Katy Perry lose her pancake mirror all over her pillowsheet, so I type in this video. The guy in it seems like a blabbermouth who never shuts up, so she finally tells him to shut his pie hole by throwing a scarf in his face and he gets all butthurt about it. Ok then. She does have a good voice tho. I wonder how they bury the album and dose it with witchcraft tho...

Lavender Lemonade

DIY Lavender Lemonade with Lavender Essential Oil

Ingredients

• 1 cup raw honey
• 12 cups pure water
• 1 drop lavender essential oil
• 6 lemons, peeled and juiced
• Lavender sprigs for garnish

Directions

Mix all ingredients together and chill. Add more water or raw honey if needed.

things to do:

- clean room
- write synchs in fishcenter journal
- write the letter
- womans world tips and scrapbook
- save and print pics from myspace
- crafts
- make pillows out of old band tshirts (cinderella, poison, faster pussycat, rob zombie)
- download songs and upload onto ipod
- make the youtube videos (yeah i had a child young, robertson blvd ugg and starbuck trainwreck mk ultra butterfly, he's dancing his way back to me, finally its happened to me; wine and temperpedic mattress parody)
- find out if stuff is still in old storage on carlton way
- make drs appt
- make dentist appt
- pay off fines

jewry i want (which reminds me happy channukah!) jewry, get it?

jade rings
turquoise
moonstone
opal
onyx
silver
slave bracelets

rings and jewelry i want

new peircings too (ear) -tragus, helix

take a load off sally

i want to share this on facebook but i kind of just want to chill out on fb anyways..i am so tired. this job is very depressing. cant wait to get layed off. all i do during the week is slehttp://www.veteranstoday.com/2015/12/06/holes/ep. wake up. work. sleep. wake up. work. my levels are very high. i should be getting my thyroid taken care of. moss told me to go on disability i was like, why? that was like a day before the shooting at the disability center. i dont know, doesnt mean anything...just seems like these sort of connections. obama even said poison during his speech. i did NOT think anything of it really, but afterwards, the simpsons came on, and they said poison, randomly. of course, if the simpsons say poison, i'm all like, 'well then!?"

idk, the world is fake. its all a play. stranger then one could exhume.

there were many inconsistenices one again, with the shooting in san bernardino. btw, the eagles of death has a song, which they sang, talking about cops and san bernardino. they played that song in paris.

open your eyes folks...

http://www.veteranstoday.com/2015/12/06/holes

time for sleep, so i can wake up and work another 10 hours at this depressing job.

2015 was the year of suck....

only gets better

fb synch twoheads

Facebook synchronicities. They happen to all of us. I need to make a new folder just for FB Synchs! So, this happened. I saw a pic, and the next post after I scrolled, i was like WHAA!>>>??!?

 

Synchs. I had a few this past week but I was unable to write them down when they happened. I need to make sure to bring my fishcenter journal and pen with me everywhere I go!!!???

I was reading the Strip City book, and we had a holiday lunch for us at work . Iwas kind of late so I had some pastas and what not, and a salad, but everyone else got their rolls and butter. I was so upset because I wanted a bread and butter. I sat down to read the book while I ate, and she says, 'that;s the 'bread and butter' of it.

not sure if i wrote about the tekila thing??? also, heard santa on tv as i read santa barbara...stuff like that...

i cant remember the other ones!???! i am going to make seperate blogs, one for my synchronicities, and another for my creative writing. i never get any sort of...targetted synchronicities anymore. my life is extrememly boring. work/sleep..wknds go way too fast.

going to get a futon couch so i can sit and watch movies and play my games, but writing. writing is very important to me. not just blogging, but actually putting thought into collaberative writing. if i really wanted too, i'd blow your mind away. i dont know...whoever you are!? im just saying in general...

San Bernardino Shooting Hoax - Obama War On Christmas - CNN & Satanism -...

i dont eat

every so often, i get a comment on a video i made, like an asmr one haha! i want to make more! just need a place to do it. i dont eat. i have no idea what to eat!? this house...nevermind...i just...i cant. i cant do this anymore.

the other day i was thinking about the tequila lime chicken, from te-kila in hollywood. it made me think of hollywood so i started youtubing tekila and hollywood blvd. a few minutes after that, katie msgd me asking when i would be back in hollywood. she said that she ran into george at tekila hollywood and he asked about me. SYNCH!

i forget what else i was meaning to blog now.....NOT ENOUGH TIME! i work till 3 am, come home...go online for an hour or so, sleep. wake up around 12-1 ish...then, i have to leave to work by 330. these hours SUCK they suck all your time! i hope i get layed off soon. then i can collect and take care of my health. the dr said that my bloodwork showed that my levels are very high...1700. i need to do something about it. but how can i when i barely have enough time to get ready in the little bit of time i have before work? and no i am not trying to get hired. i do not want to be like one of the people at this job who are in it for life. waiting for retirement. NO THANK YOU!

i am a free spirit. 2015 has been a horrible year for me. terrible. i travel. i go places. i live. i experience life. i am not someone who can be confined. lately i feel like i am succumbing to this life of confinement. this ho-hum mediocrity that i have come to adjust too. i can't. i can't do this shit.

so many places i want to travel before i decide to have kids. and its getting late. i need to get pregnant before i am too old.

LONDON! (yeah why not!? my friend lives there), JAPAN, EGYPT, ITALY, NEW ORLEANS, COSTA RICA (missionary trip), IRELAND (where my grandpappy is from...), THAILAND (volunteer)...


ugh almost time to go to work. this job is depressing. these hours are awful i never know when to eat. i wake up and have a light lunch...well, we dont have food here just junk. greasy stuff like bacon and sausage ughhhhh my mother buys veggies but never makes them. we never have veggies!? and my lunch is at 940. i dont eat on my breaks except a snack because first break is only 15 minutes, not enough time to eat a microwaveable meal, so i eat a light lunch at 130 and i dont eat until 945pm....

i just want this job to end already!

COMPLAINTS (chrome!!!

Earlier, I listened to the interview Nik Ritchie did with Kacey Jordan, (the porn star who slept with Charlie Sheen), and I really think that she should write a book. Not just about Charlie Sheen, but about all her clients. She started to tell some stories about how sick these guys are. She says she got pregnant with Charlie Sheen, and she had an abortion. Of course, they only had sex once and the condom broke. Aghh gross. Anyways,  I like reading stories like that. I like reading about sex industry work. It is just interesting to me, I don't know!? I am not intrigued by it, but it certainly is entertaining to read. Crazy stuff. So, I think that someone a book for me, at work. You see, I was reading the Holly Madison book, and I am done with it. Since I do not have a smart phone, I like to read books during my breaks and lunch. Before lunch, I was thinking, I need a good book to read! Kacey Jordan needs to write one! So, I saw this box for buying gifts for kids charity, so I got up to read the directions, and I spotted a book. It said, "Strip City' and had a picture of an eye on the front.  I never noticed that book before. All the books at the little table they have, a library of sorts, was boring, romance novels. So I grabbed the book, and it is interesting! It is about a stripper an autobiography  I think someone put it there for me to read. Someone who noticed me reading the Playboy Book. I think its the heavy-set girl with the ever changing variety of rainbow colored hair, who always talks to me. A while back, we were all talking, (Diane, a lady I knew from a long time ago, parents old friend..family friend whatever), and the other girl was talking , so diane was like, 'what are you eating?" because she had food in her mouth. The girl said, "peeps!" i thought that was so odd!?? why the fuck was she eating a peep, in october?? they dont come out yet?!? ok weird


I don;t know who left that book, but I am reading it. Soon I need to start writing. Seriously I have alot of stuff to write about. like the anand jon story...and more.

anyways thats all i guess ugh chrome changed on me its annoying i hate it


oh so that porn guy james deen is now being accused of rape. at first i was like, ugh that stoya whatever that vice always talks about, but i believe it. thats fucked up. misogyny prevails especially in the porn world i am sure. misogyny. i cant spell

Paris Predictive Programming

Now I keep seeing predictive programming with this france false flag...went to walmart tonight and noticed a few symbolic things. oh..facebook synchronicity below:

france predictive programming

i kind of want to get this book i need a new book to read

I am ? that is sacriledige I am is Yawey ( i cant type) he is supposed to be a pastor or osmthing joel osteen (see i typed sdyslexi...OH MY GOODNESS i am goig to sleep

synchronicities

Hello! So...I should be getting payed for my blog. I get a lot of views each day, so what the heck? I was getting payed because I had signed up for AdSense when I first started, and I was up to 120.00 or something like that, but I broke a rule, I was blogging and saying HEY CLICK ON MY ADS! Duh! You are not supposed to DO THAT! So what do I do now? Start a new blog with brand new interesting content, but how can I get payed for ads? Also, I do not think I can get payed with youtube videos either because it is all linked, right?

I do not know. Synchronicities because I have not wrote them in my synchronicity fishcenter journal....

Moss has been bugging me about this football game for weeks. Ughh did not want to go!??!! NO!! but whatever, i said ok but he owes me. i want to make those vine videos. 

the one where he is dance/chasing someone and that song, 'hes dancing his way back to me' is playing. i have some jokes too! JOKES!! about foot spas...

so anyways last night he picked me up from work, i got out at 7pm....and we stopped by the pep rally in easton which was a bonfire. Before that tho, I was like, "Yawn! I am really sleepy!" and when i said it, I saw a sign for SLEEPYS mattress store.

then we went to olive garden for dinner, and he says "New Orleans"...right after he said it, this woman said New Orleans as well. weird!??!

and then later we went to the casino and won some money from the slots. 

moss wanted to sleep in my room i was like NO!! he slept in my parents and they slept downstairs. i went to my room and put on tv and the new oz was on (james franco) and mila kunis is the witch. i was on a site and i noticed this comment staring back at me as i was amused at mila kunis character turning into the witch. (oh my goodness i am typing...what is that word when you read letters sort of lkie this? when one letter is ni frnot of the one...im so tired. i have been typing this way since i started the blog!??! weird...


so i saw this anyways:

DSYLEXIC yeah...

wtf? mila...anyways...im tired

19yo Webcam Stripper Freaks Out!! WARNING: Graphic Language

so i went on mfc again just to check  it out (its my free cams so its free, they sit around for FREE but get tips.) i read they can get alot, but i see hot girls and they hardly get tips one thing for sure you cant really argue and yell at these loser guys! they think these girls want to actually spend their time playing with tthemselves because they are such exhibitionists (could be true but it is also a job for them and they are trying to make money!??) i mean, its kind of awkward seeing hot girls remain pleasant even if they are not getting tips but this girl lol. shes young

PLEASE FIX YAHOO MAIL

YAHOO MAIL IS VERY HARD TO MANEUVER. THE SCROLL BAR IS NOT A SCROLL BAR, THERE IS NO ARROW. IT IS HARD TO GO THROUGH MAIL ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GET SO MUCH SPAM LIKE I DO. I DO HAVE A SPAM FOLDER BUT I STILL GET  LOTS OF SPAM IN MY NORMAL EMAIL, SO SCROLLING IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. YAHOO NEEDS TO FIX THIS. ITS RETARDED. ALSO, TRYING TO MANUEVER THROUGH FACEBOOK MSGS IS ANNOYING TOO.

AND THIS LAPTOP IS REALLY ANNOYING BECAUSE IT KEEPS MOVING AND ITS HARD TO CLICK ON THINGS.

bucket list

My life has gotten so dull and boring, and I am so lonely! I want a boyfriend, a friend...something! I do not do anything. I have a drs appt soon. So, I am watching Keeping up with the kardashians, (the new ones)...its on the tv. I am not quite sure how, I thought I was watching AMC last night?!? anyways, new place to add to my bucket list! GREECE! It looks beautiful there! I have to go!!!!!! I am single, I need to start TRAVELLING! Why can't we go on trips??? And I am not talking about trips with Moss. That is not a trip. To me, I really cannot fully enjoy myself or life if I am with Moss. He keeps on telling me about all these trips, but they are not MY kind of trips. I mean, ok, he keeps telling me about the AVNs in January, also the AMCS (whatever they are? I call them the country music awards)...also...what else...i think its the AMAs, also...the Kentucky Derby....and some other things that I do not really care about. San Diego Comic con of course! I do want to go to the AMAs and kentucky derby....but I am going to write my bucket list,,

- Greece
- Italy
- Ireland
- Tokyo and Japan
- Egypt
- Costa Rica (missionary trip next year)
- New Orleans (not with Moss tho!!!!??!)
- Paris (such a terrible tragedy that happened there)

what else? I am just so sick of my life right now. Oh this was an old episode...ahh I don't know..who cares!?

Oh anyways...I need to take a shower. I am just...sick of my life. It is so uneventful, and boring. I tried to sleep but I kept thinking, I feel like I am not accomplishing anything, I have nothing to lok forward too....no idea

I need to do something with my life. I just can't. I can't stand this. I feel like a prisoner. This job is depressing. These hours are really tough for me, and it seems like all I do is work and sleep. I do not even do anything fun on the weekends. It is like I have nothing to look forward too. Last Wednesday night, I was at work, and I saw that the clock said 8:30pm, so I told myself to make sure to call SASY on my break to find out if I have to go in the next day. I was calling every night, but lately my color gets called on Thursdays and Fridays. It has not been called for Mondays or Tuesdays, or even Wednesdays, so I sort of get used to having a few days where I do not have to worry about going in. I forgot to call on my break. Then I went home, I had such a headache because Jeannie came over and turned off my air vent while the printer was still printing. It was cutting out a plastic based fabric, and the smell gives me really bad headaches. When I got home, my mom gave me an advil PM. I slept really late, until 130. Usually I wake up at noon. I had taken a shower, eat lunch, and messed around on fb for a bit. It totally left my mind as to call Sasy, I was on my way to work. I wanted to go in at 4. For some reason I decided to go to the bathroom before we left, usually I wait till I get to work. In the car, my dad asked me if I called sasi, and just then I realized I did not. So I started drinking alot of water and we went to sasi. I payed off the 12.00 and I tried to go in the cup. I was able too but not enough and the girl made me pour in out in the toilet because it was not enough!???

I was so worried because I just want to do all that I can to get off of this SASI. This SASI is holding me back and keeping me a prisoner. This is not fun! Being stuck! And it is not so much the NO DRINKING that bothers me, it is the fact that I cannot LEAVE! I am stuck here! 

So I called her and she was not there, I kept calling. Finally I got through, and she was just like, 'oh ok' after I explained to her that the girl made me pour it out, she just goes, 'oh ok I'll get the results'. Well, there will be no results because I had to dump it out!??? She just went, 'oh ok' so what does that mean!???

This is causing me such unnecessary stress that I really just want to get off of this bullshit. I am done with this. I have to pay 12.00 each week, I can't leave. I can't have a drink even tho I obviously cannot drive! I hate not knowing when to look forward too!?? The next time I see her is in January. I do not plan on asking her about taking me off sasi until I pay off my fines. I have 2222.00 left. That is still alot. I work and my check goes to paying my fines off. I have no idea what to look forward too. I am getting very lonely too. I want a boyfriend, I want to get married. I want a baby. I just want something, anything, to look forward too!? Anyways, Friday I called a lawyer and I also called a lawyer and left msgs about switching over to NJ for the rest of my probation, since I live here. They do not have sasi here. My PO told me that she has to approve it, whatever that means? Please, just get me off this sasi program. It is really bullshit!

Next time  I see her is Jan. 14th...2 months. So that means 2 more months being on this. 2 more months to pay off my fines...ha! who knows...

I dont have money for a lawyer....

I hope I get layed off soon tho...blahhh..I can collect and make more money since they will go by what I was making at OHL. I just want to start LOOKING FORWARD TO LIFE! These past two years have been awful for me. I need to finally start having things work out for me, i mean, god damn!??! right?? i do not usually use the lords name in vain but it seemed to work...well, Gods name...the Lord...

I am also on the list for housing. I just do not know what number I am. Last I knew, I was 18th....

Predictive Program in Paris

A few days ago, everyone was all up in airs over how 'pissed off Christians are', now that has been surpassed by these tragic events in Paris. Not to sound insincere, but a few days ago, I posted a moving gif of the Eiffel tower, and then after that, I shared a prayer collective. Now, everyone is sharing their Pray for Paris photos. The reason why I say this, is because I had no idea that this tragedy would happen. I knew something was in store with Paris however. Paris Predictive Programming has been in effect for quite some time. I will share examples of this. Another weird thing is, during a recent Eagles game, a slew of 13s were on the screen. The concert that was playing while this attack happened was The EAGLES of DEATH. This attack happened on Friday the 13th. Occult ritual dates. Or...is this all just similar to me sharing a Paris eiffle tower gif?

this was before the attacks, and before it became a hashtag

there is another pic and this girl looks more bucky...so im not sure if its that crying girl tho

I was just thinking if the news will cover any of these predictive programming 'synchronicities' well they did but made it seem like some sort of eerie coincedence.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/moviesnow/la-et-mn-made-in-france-postponed-20151114-story.html


fox news just talked about that movie they postponed, which actually happened. this stuff cannot be made up, but they want us to believe it.

here is a vigilant citizen article too

http://vigilantcitizen.com/latestnews/were-the-paris-attacks-predicted-on-the-january-cover-of-the-economist/

Starbucks Red Cup

My parents love Starbucks. Actually, they went to Starbucks this morning, for Veterans Day, and they had a free coffee, and they did get their coffee in that red cup! This is what I think, this online 'pastor' Joshua Fuerenstein, well...he is a SHILL!!! I posted something on FB about who these 'mysterious CHRISTIANS' are who are getting SO upset over this red cup deal, and even Moss said in such a coy manner, "uh, gee...I wonder why Starbucks is not Christian' (that was not even what I was saying. If he actually read and comprehended what I was saying, I was just making a point at how NO ONE is getting all upset over this silly deal!) One morning I woke up, went on facebook, and I had seen so many posts about how SILLY and STUPID Christians are over getting so riled up over starbucks cups. um, no one even KNEW about this before this morning! the only thing i seen were memey posts and quotes about how stupid it is to get so upset over a red cup when there are more important things to worry about. then i saw the online pastor...um psst moss btw, feuerenstein (sounds jewish to me!??)...posted a viral video, looking like kevin james aka paul blart mall cop meets fred durst limp bizkit...i also notice he is wearing a RED CAP...red cup..???

it was an MLB cap too....

red cap is what one thinks of when playing drinking games such as beer pong..??

i get heated and i start typing in CAPS (red cap..) it reminds me of when i used to DRUNK (red cups) post in the asmr and i would start typing in CAPS!!!

anyways...i have to go to work

ASMR shoutouts Forever Eating ASMR & Snickers Whispers & Shower

A joke....(not very funny)

i made this other day but its stupid!!!!

stories!

I am more interested in the small details of people's lives, that everyone overlooks. I like the aspect of ASMR because it is what makes us human. We are humans, we should not be ashamed of it or punish ourselves or try to get on some other secular level or status. There is no reason to achieve some sort of astral connection to the annunaki or whatever. Let's just be humans! Let's just be proud to be humans! ASMR is pretty basic, but the videos I watch focus on the things that make us human. The little things. Connections we feel with others, relaxation etc....as I said before, when I was in jail, I had the idea of writing books describing mundane things, such as taking a shower, cooking, eating a meal etc...but this was before I even knew about ASMR. These will be stories tho, not videos. Reading takes ASMR to a different level, because this way our eyes read and focus and each individual word works to build together a basic foundation to developing the canvas into opening and awakening our minds and imaginations. It brings us there.

For example:, She turns on the hot water, and a steady, meditative stream consisting of several different flows of water drop out, each stream forming a nice, pressurized account of warming water. Steam begins to formulate and she feels the temperature of the water. She unzippers the back of her dress and lets it fall to the floor, and she steps out of her..underwear (panties? hey! this aint supposed to be sexy tho)...and steps into the perfect shade of lukewarm water. From there, she chooses her herbal essence shampoo and lathers her hair with it. The delicate aroma of freesia combined with honeysuckle transforms the room into a tropical spa...(Ooh a shower asmr video would be nice!)

i dont feel like finishing this asmr story, i will when i have time to dedicate to finishing it...

but i was using asmr STORIES as a template for things that interest me. i like to know about peoples habits, i like to catch a glimpse into someones life, but the mundane details. i like to know how they wake, what they cook....

i would like to start up a fb group or something about people who like this, but it is hard. i would also like to do a support group so that we can share asmr videos and what not, and support each other by watching each others videos, it is good especially for those who do not have a big youtube following.

here are things i would like to know about others:

- What is on your cellphone?
- What is in your fridge?
- What is in your shower?
- How does your keychain look?
- How does the inside of your car look like?
- How does your makeup collection look?
- How is your handwriting?
- How does your bookshelf look like?
- What did you cook?

etc stuff like that....

but anyways, i am pretty tired. long wknd. lisas baby shower and church and a church dinner. i had things i wanted to say, but the coffee i had made my stomach feel all nervous.

i dont know...uh...yeah...so lisa is married with baby on the way. my cousins are married,,,you know..everyone is married everyone has kids/babies on the way..

everyone...except me. and i am almost 40 now..yeah..((synch too, in the car ride home from church i told my parents i feel like a LOSAH like donald trump says well we stopped at dunkin donuts and we ran into this lady i recognized as a little girl, she went to our church in flemington..when i was just a lil girl growin up in the 80s. she said something about a LOSAH and donald trump...i was like, ''weird!??!"


i feel like a (CUE DONALD TRUMP a LOSAH!) i am stuck here...stuck!! i am living with my parents, no car..nothing. i have a 2nd dui, i do not have a caring boyfriend. i am lonely. i feel nuetral about life. what else? oh...so today at church, they asked all the veterans to stand up and share what they did and what branch they were in.

someone who went to afghanistan stood up (the new youth pastor)...also others who were in nam, and my uncle who was in the airforce, and my dad who was in the marines etc...

i was in the military, but i never completed training. do you know how bad i feel, how much of a LOSAH i feel for not finishing, for not bucking up, (just fucking up)...i mean, i blame my parents...i blame them for not making me a more stronger woman. my dad is wishy washy. my mom..well...i cant continue to blame anyone...but they pleaded for me to get out, with my sargeants. they let me out because they felt sorry for me. they did want to make me an MP (military police), or a medic, or even a supply sargeant (lol)...anything ya know? i would of had pride. i would of finished my 5 years...(i had 3 years in the reserves after)...GI Bill...veteran...i wish i did it. i am really upset that i never finished it. look what kind of daugther my parents have....who am i? what am i? im a ..losah. i am a disgrace. an embarassement. i am a grown child adult. i feel like this is how i appear to people. i hate when my parents introduce me to people, or to ppl at the church. i am embarrassed i have nothing to be proud of.

i do not like to reveal my age because i feel i have not accomplished anything. i am not proud so i do not want to brag, especially about being in hollywood or being around 'stars'. my dad always tells people (well not always) but he talks about how i was around alot of famous ppl but that is just embarrassing. so what? like, that doesnt mean anything. i didnt do anything productive.

i feel sorry for myself alot, i guess...

anyways, um..the mother of that girl who had high school pics..or, they were too sexy for the yearbook, she sometimes comments and she also msgd me about her book. so i ordered her book on kindle. im telling you, this is good. its alot of empowerement, and good advice. i just started reading it, (its a sort of feminist, self help book?? i guess!?) idk..but it is good and i really need to start seeing myself as someone with POTENTIAL!! SOMEONE WHO IS THE STAR OF MY WORLD, A GODDESS!

lol...and yes, i have stories. i have a lot. and i am INTENDING TO WRITE THEM! WHEN I PUT MY HEAD TO SOMETHING, I CAN REALLY WRITE GOOD. I JUST NEED FOCUS, WHICH MEANS, NO INTERNET! NO TV! NO LAPTOP ON MY LAP! I NEED TO SIT AT A DESK, AND WRITE. LET THE WORDS FLOW!

i have so many things i want to write about too!!!!

my stories....the anand jon story, DUI story....my life idk...

fiction stories, (i have written my ideas here before), childrens stories, ASMR STORIES!!!

tween fiction, all kinds of shit.  I CAN DO IT! I KNOW I CAN!!

mm hmm...

well...thats all for now.

i have a few other things on my mind...but maybe another time.