mehhhhh

the more i think about it, the more i am thinking maybe i cannot afford to go this time. i mean, i was all excited about it. i went to church and kept thinking of telling people to like my story. but apparently that didnt really matter because everyone won!??! which is really cool, for people who live near the area. i don't. i would have to buy my plane ticket, and then pay for a hotel for 2 nights (tuesday and wednesday)...and how would i get around? MARTA? :/ i will still go for fishcenter, but i just....do not think that, i can afford to NOW!??!? although i would love too!!!!!!!!!!! i will go for fishcenter. sigh..........i was all like, telling ppl to like my story and what not. well they got free publicity through this little stunt!! oh well

so lets see....i dont know...i still want to go to comic con. 

i dont know

this is alot of planning. if i had someone to go with me, then i would go...but it is last minute...and i hate when my parents question everything. this is hard for me!???????????? i have to book the flight, well, this one is cheap:

https://www.google.com/flights/#search;f=EWR,TTN;t=ATL;d=2015-06-01;r=2015-06-05;sel=TTNATL0F9901,ATLTTN0F9902;q=newark+flight+to+atlanta+for+this+monday

so i would get there at night, go to my room, wherever i am going to stay...idk!??! i would need to take cabs or MARTA (which seems confusing to me!???? i HATE public transportation...)

i have to be at the place on tuesday........and i will be by myself so i will feel silly..........sigh!????????

what else......but i did email about fishcenter on thursday, so this would be the perfect adult swim trip!! something i should do. i need to kind of.........recharge. i just hang out with my parents.

today i went to church and then we had snacks and then korean bbq and then ice cream with my parents, my aunt and uncle, and patrick. everyone loves patrick!

idk....i mean, i can afford it.............but is it worth it? i thought they were going to pay for our way there, you know? it made it seem like it. shrug

win a trip to williams street!

So, last night I saw that adult swim is having a contest, and whoever has the most likes, it said, would win a trip and tour of the studios. so here is the deal:

Enter for a chance to win an exclusive inside look at Adult Swim's hit show "Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell" in heated anticipation of Season 2 coming this summer. You'll take a seat on the press tour as the only guest on board with a soul. Want more? The show’s creators, Dave Willis (Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Squidbillies) and Casper Kelly (Stroker & Hoop, Too Many Cooks) will be riding along to take your burning questions, like - “Are all the meals made in Hell flame broiled?” Oh yeah, lunch is included, too!

Tour the premises of Adult Swim, enter Silver Scream Effects Lab for demon make-up demonstrations, and get a glimpse at the infernal visual effects used in the show.

To enter, share your funniest hellish experience here on the event page's wall. The entry with the most likes, wins! It's that hellishly simple.

You must be 18+ to win. We’ll ask you to sign a waiver signing away your soul (Not really, but you do have to sign a waiver. What would we want with your soul, anyway? It’s sticky. Ew.)

This exclusive event takes place Tuesday, June 2, 2015 starting at Adult Swim around 11 a.m. So no entering if you can’t make it or the demons will come looking for you. 

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ENTER NOW!

[go to hell]




Lori, you're a winner!! We have a spot for you on the bus Tuesday! Info below with a couple of attachments. Please let us know a.s.a.p. if you will not be able to make it or have any questions. Join our Hell Ride. Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell Bus Tour Atlanta, GA Tuesday June 2nd Please arrive at 10:30am. We’ll need to check you in and get your spot on the bus. If you arrive after 10:45am you will forfeit your spot on the bus. Must be 18+. Bags are subject to search. Parking: Skyhouse Midtown Parking Deck - Enter on 12th street Skyhouse: 1080 West Peachtree St NW, Atlanta, GA 30309 (see attached map shot) Pull into the parking deck entrance on 12th street and someone in an [adult swim] tee will present you with your parking voucher. After you park, you’ll walk one block over to Adult Swim’s loading dock where you will sign a waiver and board the bus. Tour is 11am - 2:45pm Lunch included. Please see waiver included. We’ll have a hard copy for you to sign on-site. See you in Hell.



so....we had to share a story, and i shared the story of when i was drugged and all that. and they chose me! (but it looks like they chose a bunch of others who 'entered' too)



anyways......now i feel silly. like, i have to find my own way down there!??!? i found a cheap airline ticket online tho...i would just need a place to stay. and also.......i emailed about thursday and fishcenter. so...i wish i had someone to go with me!?? i do not want to go alone.


what should i do? and what other chance will i have to do all that? i have to think quick tho....damn


funny i msgd someone i work with about voting and he said you will i am sure (will i am william, williams st) also on the way to church we passed a williams street...


also last night a bunch of syncs i now keep them in a journal. so....when i wrote teh story, i wrote about my blood transfusion and all the weirdness that surrounded it, on my bus ride down. anyways...i ended up getting a blood transfusion....so, we were watching the dome later, and the a woman was killed by carbon monoxide POISONING...later, the girl had to get a BLOOD TRANSFUSION, and then he mentioned the dream JOURNALS (just like i write in my sychcronicity journals!??!)

i want to go! i just dont know where i will stay and all that.!????????

past few days

wow i cannot waste my time with mike anymore. he just made me so upset just now. i cannot do this anymore. he msgs me about needing food. well he comes over and i want to go get some food. burger king at that. (his idea) he mumbled something so i said 'what?" and he got up and started arguing...telling me he has bills to pay and this and that, rent. then he calls me a cunt and storms out. fuck him! he just really hurt me. i need him OUT! OUT OF MY LIFE COMPLETELY! i am the nicest person and i do NOT DESERVE THE WAY HE TREATS ME! i am trying to meet someone but online dating is not my thing!???

and i do not want to drink. i am too afraid to drink i just do not want that. so..........i have no idea anymore. i just want someone fun and open minded to do things with. that is all

i like to do fun things. im hungry now. mike really upset me. we were supposed to do something and he just stormed out like that. hes a buffoon.

ok...next day. its saturday now. thursday  we went to aunt sooks and she made such a wonderful salsa with watermelon and cilantro, celery, peppers, red onions. it was so good. we also had some soft pretzels with spicy mustard. afterwards i got dropped off at shannans and we had grilled chicken, tuna salad, grilled corn on the cob, grilled tofu, and veggies. that was good too. she wants to go to comic con. so do i!!!

what else!??! hmm maybe we can bus it there.

so yesterday, mike...erghh. and i wanted to go out. i have no one to hang out with so i walked to the bridge and met jimmy and his older brother was there. hes cute, i think. he kind of has reddish hair, beard, blue eyes, kind of like that actor from american sniper. i forget his name. but they drink beer. too much beer. i am not trying to get into that again. we made a campfire and roasted marshmellows and burgers. i did have a few beers. i dont know....

whatever

so...i am waiting for jay to come over. i wanted to do things during the DAY TIME! not at night. sheetz haul should happen during the day!?? wtf jay......i need to find someone who wants to do DAY THINGS with me!!! someone who respects me too. mike is such an asshole. i am DONE with him! i like country boys, guys who like to fish, hunt, grill...........four wheel, motorcycle...all that good stuff. so........idknow

Moss does not understand drinking

So here is the deal....I was watching "Intervention" last night, and this woman who was an alcoholic really needed to settle her addiction, in which she would actually drink Listerine because it does have trace amounts of alcohol. Her body needed it to get by. That is an alcoholic. When someone wakes up in the morning, and needs a drink to feel normal, THAT is an alcoholic. When someone hides and sneaks drinks, again, alcoholic. Drinking alone...another sign. Drinking every day, another one. 

I really hate how Moss just assumes that I need to drink. I do not. He thinks it is uncommon for people to just stop drinking. He says, 'cold turkey'. I call it growing up...and not throwing up. 

You see, Moss has never went to parties, he has never did keg stands, he has never played beer pong, he has never shotgun a beer or drink a beer out of a beer funnel. He never played 'asshole' or other card games involving drinking. Everyone I knew did this stuff in their late teens and early 20s. It was just something we did!? In the army, everyone would drink. In college too. I am reading that confessions of an ivy league frat boy, and the hazing involves binge drinking. We had parties with kegs, we did jello shots, we went to bars and did car bombs. This is just what most young people do. 

There comes a point where, you just get sick of it. It gets old, boring, (or maybe you become old, and boring)...you get sick of getting drunk on the weekends, or waking up with a hangover. You get sick of hoping for the perfect night involving good company, good music, and wine, when it never even happens. Instead, you find you just get annoyed and agitated when no one gets you.

It gets old. Not only that, but you might even get a DUI or so. These suck the most! They cost you your license, fines, and you have to deal with court. It looks bad on your record. DUI's are not fun! And this is not even talking about the seriousness of it.

I would drink out of boredom. I did not know what else to do on the weekends so often times it would involve drinking. I also would drink more than intended and black out. That could be a sign of alcohol abuse, and possibly in my genes, but to say its in my genes, is a cop out. I feel it is just an excuse to blame it on genetics.

I can stop. I have no desire to drink anymore. I have been getting by just fine without it.

http://elitedaily.com/life/no-alcohol-worth-it/1018318/

that post is about everything i mention. i do not think we have to be an alcoholic to stop drinking. i think people just outgrow it. i want to focus on finding someone to start a family with. i want kids.

ya know?

ok im not giving up on 'hollywood' per se..what i am saying is...simply this. i need to focus on myself! finally! i am not longer WITH mike, i do not LIVE with him! i am over the bulk of DUI troubles, of course, probation sucks a mofo like that beeyotch who works there i will have to attend traffic school and she will be there. i mean, what am i doing wrong tho, you know? nothing! just because she thinks she runs the world...anyways...what else....i have my fines and then i get my license back. problem is, i do not really have money for all of this!

i need to write and PUBLISH my story!! i really do! what else............i want to get into photography. i really do. but i want a really good camera! and a good camcorder. i want to make short movies, fun stuff. i wish i would of started sooner, but...you know, its never too late!

well.............better go to beds.

coming soon:

SHEETZ HAUL! (sheetz is a pennsylvania thing as well as southern...i remember.....when i went on a gettysburg trip with a bunch of peeps, we all went and partied and all that, and there was a sheetz across the hotel we stayed at. we made jokes that it was named after the white SHEETZ the KKK wore...cuz its a country thing!) they even have COTTON CANDY FAYGO which i am going to try!! this wknd!!

things

Perfume:

Gucci flora
Prada
nice cologne
Estee Lauder Pleasure Exotic

tattoos:

etc

Color Run

so....i rilly want to do the color run, but...of course, i have no one to do this with, as usual. i want to do a colored powder run! looks FUN!! i also want to do a photoshoot with it!!

and a blacklight shoot

check it out

im going to finish this. WOW flashback blast from the past!!! i will write in a few....


so i want to do a cool blacklight style shoot, with glowy tutus and clubgear, glow sticks, and that powder. so what is a good camera to shoot with? check out these photos
http://colorfunfest5k.com/locations/allentown/

first off it is so sad that the smith family lost another one of their children. jayson smith, who i knew as a kid. he was the son of our pastor, and we went to their little church, tabernacle of joy, in washington nj. they had a huge house and had a picnic/baptism at their house every summer. they had a tennis court and a really big swimming pool. one time dawn (who later passed away, she was only a senior, when i was a freshman)..she was trying to teach me to do an underwater backflip but i messed up and started swallowing water.

so, i started stalking up on fb pages of ppl i went to school with, but i am not friends with them. idk...i should sent them a friends requeset idk. so, i see their old high school photos and man! i am transformed back to my high school days. did i really exist before, i forget!?? i forget existing!?? this past year, has cost me so much.

this dui really set me back alot. it did. the only thing i was concentrating on was court, alcohol classes, and jail and house arrest. i forgot about everything else. i forgot about life.

i am too embarrassed to send out friends request because i feel embarrassed about my life. everyone has kids now and is married or getting engaged. what about me? will this ever happen to me!???

my mind is not the same anymore. i really do not care about going out to california, i mean...i want to finally accomplish goals. i dont think i ever cared about that, i think moss was caring about it for me. my mind is different now. i want to find someone i can get married too. i want to have kids. i want a nice country house. im getting older, you know!?? i cant be all carefree and...idk. maybe i will join farmers only.com, and find some hot farmer guy with a country home ha! and a motorcycle!!!

that pilot guy wore good cologne and also knew about 1984 and big brother and all that stuff. he hasnt msgd me i changed my cell number tho. too serious. i like sense of humor...


sigh..............................

OH MY GOOSH farmes only dot com is a bunch of old men and hicks uh naww thanks heh heh

so...i asked my friend about the color run he wants to go!

psychic knew i was in flemington

um...this is weird...i got this email tonight, and...how did they know i was in flemington today? i was even talking about HOW i no longer have a smartphone...yet it still seemed to of seen me in flemington, surrounded by joy and happiness. well, i was with sage and my parents!??! very....odd!???! ((i have a cheapie phone for now. NO smartphone so how would they track that!??!)

Hello Lori Do you know that our meeting is not due to chance? I felt the powerful energies of transformation at work in your life and I know that the moment is important!　Besides, I just had a vision : all will happen in flemington.　 I am positive on this point. I saw you in flemington, surrounded by joy and happiness.　 I'll tell you more soon, even if it takes all night!　 It is during one of the last few nights that I received a new vision of your future Lori...　 Yours truly, Janet

Quick Starts Maple French Toast Review

moss is so clueless

I didn't know you were down south

Neil Diamond was tonight. Had no one to go with. frown emoticon

(Hlwd. Bowl.)

i told you at the beginning of the convo

i said im in virginia

i said i dont care about california i am not thinking about you or california i am in virginia

I know - but I had no reference, and i didn't know what you were talking about.

so you didnt even bother asking...how...ego driven and selfish

I was in Atlanta 13 months ago. i liked it. Had fun.

Went to Williams St.

i do not want to hear about it. luckily i will be able to go

on my own without you

Go now, you're a lot closer then you're gonna be back in NJ !!!

Go feasel a tour.

no i cant ask my parents to bring me there that is not part of this

moss i will get a tour anyways

I did - turned it down though.

fishcenter is filmed inside the williams st

yeah because you have no consideration

so you turned it out to feel important. what a jerk they all say

ha

srzly tho stop talkingn about it i am disappointed in you

you make no sense. I don't watch Cartoon network. Didn't need a tour

only went there b/c it was in-between the airport and my hotel !!

um because you knew i would ask about it

because you knew i would be happy to hear all about it you clueless ape!!!

keep insulting me

i might hurt your feelings so stop talking about it oh oh oh yup! there you go

you are getting me mad i said stop talking about it and you keep doing it! so i keep insulting you

Chat Conversation End

Seen 11:44pm

Update on dates, work, scientology etc

i am exhausted. so tomorrow, i should be 100 days sober, but i am very upset....extremely upset. angry! ok here is the thing...i will start off about that 'date' which was not really a date. ok? so, i feel bad for my parents. and myself. i mean, they want to see meet a nice guy, get married, have kids. so do i. so for a while, i was kind of lost in a daydream,  a fantasy about meeting someone and getting married. so i was chatting with that guy, the one who is a pilot, and he has a motorcycle, he likes good food, cooks good, is attractive. so every day at work i was getting myself excited over meeting him, i suppose. then he started texting me, and seemed kind of pushy and persistant, which i absolutely hate. he wanted to get together, but i just got that ankle bracelet taken off this past tuesday. i am happy to just...be. but he seemed impatient about meeting me. so i suggested meeting him at riverside. he said that is not his style place, i dont know, it was a place close to me i dont have to walk. rather than suggesting picking me up, he was like thats ok. he also didnt seem to understand when i kept saying, weeknights are NOT a good night for me, since i work so early. it was like he was choosing to ignore the point i was trying to make that i was exhausted! why would i want to do anything when i am tired from work and i have to wake up early i also ate dinner, and i did not want to drink!?? but for some reason i thought to myself, just meet him and get it over with. even tho it really turned me off that he did not respect that i was saying thursday wasnt good for me. i was really annoyed at this guy i dont know. so i met him at the bar there, and he just...he is too serious. i like a joky guy with a healthy sense of humor. i do not like pushy or persistant. i like someone who actually genuinely likes my stories or the way i act. i dont like when i say something and they do not get it. if we dont click, that is a big no no for me!

so i had a glass of white wine, at first i ordered water...but he insisted i get a drink and i did not really know where the convo was going. i have a feeling its not going anywhere. we were talking about travelling. he flies out of newark, one of those big planes. i was talking about india and i saw INDIA on the video game behind him. so i laughed and pointed it out and he didnt seem to understand the synchronicity i was pointing out (earlier, when i was getting my perm, i was reading a magazine that was talking about carly rae jepsons new video with tom hanks, and when i read carly, the stylists said 'carly' another girl who works there

i mean, he seems like a nice guy and all, but...i just...wasnt feeling it, as i said. i didnt feel a connection with him...maybe i should steal his pic from POF and post it here!?? ha

idk tho...he drives a nice car, has a motorcycle etc...oh after we went to the lebanese place and i had some baba ghanoush. that was good. after that he wanted to stop by his place, 'why!?' you know? why is the reason for that? i was super tired and did not want to drink. i still feel upset about that wine. he went there anyways, even tho i didnt say i wanted to go? nice house, old fashioned. i had another glass of wine just because  i was there, and then he started telling me i have pretty hair and touched my hair and i said i had to use the bathroom and i got up and when i came out i said i had to get going. maybe he felt awkward after that but he kind of seemed awkward and unsure the whole time.

idk tho....i went home but i feel so bad about drinking. i only had that. oh and a japanese beer at the lebanese place. i didnt feel anything tho, i felt even more tired.

so thats that

scientology

leah remini...they issued a statement. ahh im too tired to finish my thoughts on this . later i will.

i dont know tho, that guy seemed nice but he also seemed kind of clueless or just...a jerk for making me go out on a night not good for me. it just...something is off you know? and maybe he was expecting something!?? idk...im very picky. like, it is so hard for me to feel connected to someone. i am more comfortable around mike even tho he is a dick to me. i felt guilty for eating at the lebanese place bcuz i went there with mike.

and as worldy as this guy is, he travels, he seemed to of lost his grounded...ness

it is good to travel and enjoy good food, but i also like a country boy who can grill up on da grill, go fishing, you know...country stuff. and sense of humor is very important!


anyways............................i just want to meet someone to do things with, laugh..all of that.

im tired. TIRED oh and we all got layed off again so...i filed for unemployment

im trying to sell my cell, and my soul...so i wish mike did not pick me up today, because he was hungry. i was too. he wanted white castle. i did not have my bank card , so we drove home to get my wallet, my parents were not home. mike was getting impatient so we left to go to white castle. it was 15.00 and he did not even pay. i was not planning on spending my money today like that. and then he gets upset when i get upset. he says i have no bills. i dont want to be spending money on fast food only to have him complain, i dont even know why i bother with him. he doesnt need to pick me up from work anymore...i am so tired from work! i want a go pro camera and an atv! :/ that guy takes a long time to text me back wth!? thats why i dont want to resort to texting or facebooking sometimes...that pilot guy idk............

most of the guys who msgd me of POF do not appeal to me and seem boring. what am i going to do this wknd? oh, we went to walmart but mike didnt want to walk around. i was excited about being out, but he was tired. YAWN im back from walmart, again!?? idk! im just happy to get out the house!!! ya know!???????? so i want to get out as much as possible!

i was gonna complain about work but im too tired

mean one told me i cant go to canada

she said we cant go to canada so i said well what if i have a tribal card? she had no idea what i was talking about i said my reservation...my mother is canadian and native american...so, it will be heart breaking for me if i cannot get into canada.

i will need my tribal card and a written letter stating it is ok for me.

http://www.nationalpardon.org/us-travel-and-indian-status/

synch or overlooking?

so, on conan...it showed CONAN uh i cant think of what its called...you know, before and after a commercial...it was conan as a pacman screen. i wore a pacman shirt that aaron bleyart liked on facebook and he works for conan. i was like, thats nice. idk...im overlooking haha but they also did a fan correction and he was talking bout jared leto and they showed a clip of jared leto on the show (the same day i was on)...the one where he hid his face so he couldnt see...also....i was reading the comments to see if anyone else thought it was lame, and i read a comment someone made that he has cocaine tics...and just as i read it, conan came back and they started talking about 'adrenaline dunks'

did that make sense? i miss the synchs...come back!!

chivalry is dead

so, i saw a post from dylan barmmer, complaining once again, about women and how they are shallow, narcisstic, immature, crazy etc....what is he doing to get women to behave this way to him? being a douche bag and treating them like they should worship his yoga stance on life and all that and also be a sexy little young vixen as well. hes clueless....the article is about how men lost chivalry. and not even that, just being cordial to a female. i mean, like those group of alchohlic young saps this morning. none of them were really friendly. i mean, and the guys at work...well, they are all young so i dont care. i dont know!??!

so then...i agree with the article, but then..look at the comments!!

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/why-chivalry-is-dead-from-a-mans-perspective/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=000000

im too tired to write anymore so...thats all for now!

ASMR Teacher Role Play: Spanish

  my goal is to learn spanish 

no more ankle bracelet

I am happy that I got this ankle bracelet off, but I have also been feeling very crappy. Well for one, I had a bunch of questions in which I felt too intimidated to ask. So, I woke up early, took a shower, and got ready to go to the dui center. Well, those group of guys were there, the ones who....they all knew each other and they were all so...sarcastic? why are guys today so dry and unfriendly? they all have these 'dont give a shit' attitude, and no one is really friendly or respectable anymore. i arrived feeling happy and looking forward to getting the bracelet off, but all those hipster saps and bozos were all like, talking amongst each other, and not one said or did anything to acknowledge me. not like i need attention from guys, but i start to feel awkward when i am just being ignored too, at the same time. one guy got up to give my mom and i a seat...but still. i tried intercepting a few things only to be looked at but not heard. i tried talking about my experience on house arrest, but no one responded to me. they all knew each other and were jailbird lads, and i was just....invisible. that made me feel like crap. you know what i mean? i hate that.

so we had to wait forever, then go to 'that room' ugh..the one where they have the damn classes. the few times i had to call about getting permission to going to the store, some..bitch answered always giving me an attitude. i would ask if i could go to the store, and the first thing she would say is, "no"...and i would be like, 'well i need food' and then she would say i can. wtf!??

when i was in that class last time, there was a big tall guy in there, who knew this woman because he had went to school with her. and she has that look that she was one of the popular ones, involved in sports, and an all around...bitch. i cant think of another way to describe her. she told us we had to sign out at the prison, and i asked if i had to as well, because the guys were in a different place than me...and she looked at me like i was stupid. i pointed to the jail i was at...and she started shaking her head like im a retard and it really made me feel like shit. and i will talk back. i kept trying to make the point and speak over her because she said i was at the prison so i was like, 'no i was at the jail' and she acted like i was reprimanding her. um no i was not at prison! i was at the jail! she kept saying there is no difference and i was like, 'um prison is upstate..' 

i was asking a simple question i thought she didnt realize i was there and that i had to sign out in the womens section of the jail...there was no reason for her to make me feel stupid.

i need to explain myself too you know? then she said parole officer i said, 'probation'....after that i really did not want to even ask any questions, about trips and other things.


that made me feel shitty, so did all those smug asshole guys. i dont know...


after that we all had to sign out at the jail/prison, whatever the fuck it is!??! those guys all had to be driven by a van to the center because they were at a different spot than me!??! the guys part of the place i was was the prison. she even went, 'when you look at the sign, it says, northampton county prison ' she said it all slow and sarcastic. i was ignored the first time i was there so i really thought she didnt realize that i, as a female, was even there...so i asked because i thought i had to sign out at a different place.

we had to wait in the PRISON waiting room for like, 45 minutes, which was really annoying!!! i stopped attempting to conversate with those jerks and just zoned out till i could finally sign out.

the rules are, i need to notify them if i go on trips or will be in another state longer than 24 hours. now i am nervous to call if SHE answers. i dont even know her name!? i just know she looks like a horse BITCH! fuck her (they are probably reading this and all that and since i disrespected a cop or a wife of a cop or a know it all dui dealing with criminals person..oh no! i need to get the book! i am so awful because i called her a horse bitch! i have an attitude oh my! truth is, i did not drink or smoke pot and a few of those guys were talking about how they are gonnna smoke up and one guy was getting drunk all the time on house arrest! the po's never visited any of us at home btw)

i also have to go to the center a few times to check in....i dont know!?? i have to go in july it looks like. and then take highway classes.

anyways....

so after my parents and i drove up to the airport rd to go to dennys but instead we went to a little crepes place. it was so cute and cozy and had lots of neat menu items. i got crepe provence which was ratatouille, goat, and gruyere. my parents got one that had scrambled eggs, sausage (freshly ground), walnuts, maple syrup...cream cheese. 'french twist' (i made a video of it but just looking at myself on that video makes me feel even worse and more depressed) UGH i look awful! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KswtCEbGyeg anyways, after that we went to the mall and walked around. it was so nice and bright, it felt good. i looked at the stores and just seeing nice clothes brought my mood up.


charlotte russo has alot of nice stuff, bebe...i need to lose weight again. i need to get rid of the fat on my waist and belly. i feel disgusting. my hair is plain and ratty (ratatouille!) and gross and flat.

i need to get plastic surgery for my face because i hate the way my face looks. i hate the expressions i make. i need to correct my voice. i hate my voice. i think the reason why people treat me the way they do is because of how i look and how i conduct myself. i look like a fool! i look like an idiot. im gross. im embarrassing.

anyways...enough of this self depreciating...i wrote deprecating but it looked like 'defecating' ughh gross

that word tho...

anyways, shopping elevates my mood, or just fantasizing about shopping. 

and i need to make a hair appointment. i want a body perm, highlights and a haircut. knowing my luck i will have another person make me feel like shit. like, someone who doesnt want to help me with my hair to boost my self esteem, i will get someone judgemental and told to make me feel like crap.


what else...i dont know!? i want to get a floral snapback (lol), also a flowery headband...some nice shirts, sandals, and a new hairstyle, and dermal peircing and more tattoos.

also designer sunglasses. my mom and i went to a sunglasses place where they have prada, versace and other designer ones. i put on a pair of versace ones, it instantly made me look like a movie star and it made me feel like a fierce bitch. i love it! why does the keypad make this bigger?







well thats all for now oh the mall has a poutine place too! what else? oh on plenty of fish, i am talking to some guys on there. i dont want to really date alot of guys tho, but there is one guy on there who is a pilot and is attractive and likes to cook. we might meet at riverside or something. he seems cool.

shrug

another cute guy with a motorcycle. is that bad of me? to talk to these guys? talking to guys makes me a slut.