Tuesday

Hello. I am so tired. I was not able to sleep last night, and I was so tired at work. Jen and Christine seem to think they are big shots since they kept them. Honestly, I do not even care anymore. I do not care whether they choose to keep me or not. Whatever. I feel it is painstaking to worry about why they could not keep me around? I think it is because I am with SMX agency, and they are Staffmark. Sigh..who knows?!? i just want to finish this house arrest! the only places i have been these past 40 days is my house, the jail, work, community service, wal-mart...mikes house. thats it!?? i want to read. i should just read a book before i go to sleep. so yeah, i am not sure how long they are going to keep me. they have jen and christine and a few others at just born, but those two came to help us at nutrisystem...

i texted that lady Lori, the one from the alcohol classes in bangor. she said she went to the jail in december for a week with work release...
i kept thinking i would only be in for a week!??! wtf!?? she had a .18 but her lawyer was able to lower it to a .15!??! are you kidding me?!?? and almost done with probation. i had a .16 and i have 49 more days of house arrest and 5 years probation still!??!

this is fucking BULLSHIT! that laywer did nothing for me!? what? what did he do? everyone else has good luck except for me.
they dont keep me at this job. i just.........i dont know...i just want my own place. if i want to do something with my life, then i have to leave my parents house.
i appreciate them and i want them to live here without me burdening them. i want to make them happy.

at work i was SO tired! i kept daydreaming i suppose, on the verge of real dreaming...

about meeting someone..someone new and exciting, someone i feel an instant attraction to and an instant connection. i want to get married and have a kid.

is that so wrong of me!???!

im tired. i think i am going to read...something...idk...i have that dan brown book but its kind of boring!??!

3/30

So, Mike came over today, (he took off his work till weds) he brought over 'maze runner'. my mom made some chicken and gravy and brussel sprouts and rice, and she offered mike a plate, but he said no. then she made him a plate to bring back, and when he left i put the plate in a plastic bag so he can take it home and he said he didn't want it. who does that!? that is so rude! the other day he brought over a pizza pie but said he had no money so my dad offered to give him 15.00 for it and he took the money. who does that!?? he has no idea how to act. hes rude! its not courteous at all. i dont want someone like that! 

anyways, SMX called me back and said they have product tomorrow so they called me in. GREAT!! i am happy to start working again!!

cant sleep

i feel like having late night key lime pie! diner runs! oh thats another summer fun thing i want to do! you know, i really do not want to drink. i am over it! there are so many fun things to do which do not involve drinking! i can still go out to the bar, but i dont need a drink!?? well, maybe a cider, but then i would be lying if i said im sober? well i just do not have to get drunk! or i can just have a seltzer and lime IDK!??!

why does jennifer garner have a weird voice? (capitol one commercial)

um.............blahhh i have no idea!??! i made a calender today with posterboard and markers. the countdown begins!!! i still have alot of days left tho!??!?

49 more days!??!

i also just want to meet a new guy i am attracted too and excited to do things with!!

uhhh idk.....

i want to meet someone, and well..ok so mike came over today we watched walking dead. i miss human touch so much, and i am used to mikes body you know?

i just want someone to have SUMMER ROMANCE WITH uh huh UH HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

THINGSI WANT TO DO THIS SUMMER PART 2

- archery lessons
- shooting range
- amusement parks
- pow-wows
- flea markets
- picnics
- dates
- mini trips
- canada, new orleans
- bbqs, cookouts
- camping
- hiking
-bicycling
- motorcycle rides
- exploring
- weird nj sites
- youtube videos
- beach
- silent hill town centralia
- concerts, festivals
- pig roasts, bonfires
- NYC
- tanning
- swimming
- musikfest
- meetups
- color run
- free yoga classes
- art classes
- comic con
- photoshoots
- zoo
-aquarium
- greenhouse
- estate mansion tours (in upstate new york)
- planetarium
- 4 wheeling
- renaissance fair
- new hope
- ballonfest w. kansas concert
- farmers market
- AA meetings
- volunteering
- Roadside america
- Cabela's

A FRIEND

A FRIEND

synch again

first, in OUIJA then....(dum and dumber to or was it the dome?) A FRIEND

NOW...the walking dead, a note from A FRIEND

42 days left!

i have 42 days left!??! uhhhhh...is it long or short? i need to get a job!!! i really do!!! i doubt that smx will call me back. they lied to me about having work, because he even told me that they are looking for work. um well i need a job!? i hate doing temp work because i am always one of the ones who they let go!?? it makes me feel like, or rather, it makes me think, 'what is wrong with me? i can work!?" anyways, whatever!??! i also want to catch up on american horror story, the last season. im watching the walking dead marathon now. so...ok so....i want to meet someone. i really have not been in a real relationship for so long. mike and i have been over for quite some time, but he feels alone in this world, but that is only his doing! he pushed away his friends. he pushed me away. not only that, but he does not want to know about how i am doing. he doesn't care to listen to anything i have to say. we try to watch a movie and he falls asleep!? you know? and he doesn't want to have kids or get married. i do! i want a family, you know? i want to get my act together! 

jay is always really nice and fun, and i like him, but i just do not feel it. you know....that attraction...i mean, (are you reading this?) why do i blog!???!?? mehhhhh

i am trying to think about the last guys that i have been attracted too!??! hmm, well one of them, (i guess?) seems to have a girlfriend, so...just joking i dont even think about that guy but whatever!??! i mean, i liked john i suppose. the guy who is now a cop. i just.....it never worked out im not sure if its because i was living with mike (even tho mike was always a jerk to me!??!) and he just turned weird. yeah that guy turned weird!?? also that guy who had a farmhouse and a pool, (when i did a photoshoot with that little fawn), he was like...the type of guy i would like!?? he had a house, a farm, (cool!), a pool......he was cute, young...idk

it used to be easy to meet guys, ((i totally just reread that as, ' i used to be easy around guys! HA well while it may seem true of me, IT IS NOT!! I am not easy at all!!! i seriously am not! and i hate when a guy who i am not into tries to like, kiss me its like um nah i aint feelin it! im seriously NOT easy at all!!! )well, when you are around a lot of people ...AHHH i mean, i am an interesting girl! its not like there is anything wrong with me!?? im normal. i have an interesting story. i am ready to settle down, i dont drink anymore! i dont want to tho. i can survive a friday and saturday night WITHOUT drinking! the night will end just like any other night!

the type of guy i like!??! ahh who cares. someone who can think of things to do, someone who has a good amount of friends to hang out with, family, someone who is secure, someone who has a good sense of humor, who knows how to cook, or GREEL, someone who is musical, someone who is cute! (i love dark hair and blue eyes!! or a nice warm smiling pair of brown eyes!) but it has to be a pair! i love a sexy country boy too!! HOT!!!

and most importantly, someone who LIKES ME! right!?? somebody who is actually happy to be with me! someone who also respects me!

someone that i know i can TURN ON! for sure!!! where do i meet guys??! oh kim goes on tinder and does sex dates. WTF no girl! i mean......i guess im slut shaming. oh man! i want someone who has a wild fun kinky sex...whatever drive HA why am i writing this stuff?

im going to totally.........stop it with the blogging MY OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love CoCo - O.T. Genasis (Parody by @its99Percent)

i have been staying up till 4 am again, i havent done that in a while!??! oh, if i was in jail, it'd be time for meds now! its cool that jay stops by with food and movies! plus we got to play the marvel game my dad bought me for ps4. we had burger king and watched movies like 'ouija' and 'dumb and dumber 2' and also a few episodes of the dome. he just left a bit ago, its like...333 (i keep getting 1:11 synchs or 3:33...stuff like that)...anyways..........uh what else??? what was i gonna say!?? i forget now!?? hmm..oh! im a bit excited about new endeavors. together, we can change the weather. ok i guess i should cuddle up under my blankies now! my room is so cozy! i shut off eiffle tower and light a candle, and plug in my himalayan salt lamps for a nightlife (i shut it off when it wakes me up tho. alright im gonna go now. byeeeee

synchs

so jay stopped by we watched a few movies a few synchs happened too

the other night we were youtubing people on drugs, like cocaine and meth...well afterwards on family guy he was eating a cocaine donut and the one guy said he was a 'METHod actor' weird stuff like that happen all the time we put on 'bunny' the youtube annoying personality 'graveyardgirl' and she made a journal she said, i was supposed to put circles but where do you put circles? so we watched the dome and i noticed a bouncy ball and then a stressy ball (CIRCLES! i noticed them!) and next scene (i just typed nX0 oh see i just did it!?? X0 0X there was an X on a fire hydrant and someone on the show is last name cOX oh yes we also watched the movie ouija and it says 'hi friend' in that episode, of the dome, it said 'hi friend' (or maybe it was dumb and dumber to because we watched that too ANYWAYS while i was reading the synch blog just now about COCO https://synchromiss.wordpress.com/2014/12/16/im-in-love-with-the-cocoa-more-blackwhite-duality/comment-page-1/#comment-2053

a commercial came on about COCO bank, and an OWL was on it too!??!

UCSB Day to Night Party - 6578 DP

AAHHH this is what i do since i cant go to these parties! ah just kidding but this gives me an idea! if uh...you are home on a sautrday night but you dont feel like going out you can tune into one of these live party shows and just feel like your there! i also have another youtube idea, like the brother from better call saul, and the aluminim foil blanket,.

Salman Khan walks the ramp as showstopper for Sanjana Jon's event

i was in the back with the silvery dress you can tell i could care less about being there

cigarette synch

Since it is the 10 year 'anniversary' of when i started working for anand jon, I figure that I should really start that book that I want to write about my experience. Since I have all this free time, I might as well, right!??! Sigh. so, i still have so much time left until I am done with this house arrest! oh my gosh.......crazy....

cigarette synch!
so i signed up for the newport cigarette contest, and i just checked my email and i had an ad from newport, so it made me crave a cigarette. so, i just remembered a dream i had, where i smoked a cigarette in my house and i was afraid my parents would smell it!?? so i msgd my friend i was chatting with WEIRD (because it was a synch), and they had said WEIRD on the tv, right...i said weird because on this show, criminal minds, they were talking about a cigarette! the guys grandfather used to smoke cigarettes. everything happens at the same moment i say or read a word!??!

anyways, my friend is going to bring over movies, but he downloads them. its kind of annoying. just bring over normal dvds!??! wtf...i am SO BORED!!! 

AHHHHHHHHHHH i asked mike to come over but he falls asleep when we watch movies. what fun is that? it is too distracting. and he wanted to come over later!??! i want to watch movies now!

Beverly Hilton Fashion Show PART THREE

at 4:10 too, t

hello where is what i am writing??? geez! at 4:10...im wearing the dress, i saw that dress and i thought, i was never allowed to wear nice dresses like that for the shows, but thats me!?? ok....i forgot!

Beverly Hills Hilton Fashion Show PART TWO

goat 2:05 im wearing a red dress. i am trying to find the one in india. i had seen it before. im going to work on writing my story of when i worked for anand jon from 2005-2007 when he was arrested. he was in jail since. i

blast from the past india trip 2005

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

India Trip

I got back from India Monday, exhausted and just, happy to be home. Anyways, I will type up this trip as quick as possible, for my benefit, cuz im not really in the mood to type and 'rehash' what i wrote in my normal journal, the NORMAL one where i wrote about this guy i am extremely attracted to and am so ecstatic that he called me, but he called me two weeks ago to invite me to this huge house in the hamptons, but of course i wasnt around...anyways....oh, i talked to his friend yesturday and hopefully..oh who cares...i dont know who is reading this blog anyways...
Got to the airport early on monday the 14th. Walked around a bit. Jen called and brought my mood down a bit. Finally i met everyone there, Mother Josie and her Miss Teen Tropics daughter Melanie..(who later turned to "ugh", well, her mother did), Britt, (whom i worked with in nyc), Richard, representative, VP or whatever of IG intl; sanjanas 'boyfriend'.? ?who knows, Jessie (Miss Hooters Long Island, or so she claims,,,loud mouthed kind of annoying complaining girl), Vida S.amadzai, who was also Miss A.fghanistan..(I dont want this to come up when someone types the names cuz then my blog will appear and i dont want the people on this trip to read it cuz its dorky of me to be documenting all this!! IMO..that means in my opinion, so i put , i mean, periods OK???), also, Camille from americas next top model season 2 was there, and um, me...yeah..who ever I am...??? right??? and then Miss Universe arrived with her crew...all i remember is melanie said look its harry potter and i thought it was the actor who played him but it was a guy they nicknamed that from last year cuz he looked like him but when he came over i felt like i was blushing because im stupid...it was like some dorky but nice guy i dont know...so anyways, we all went on the plane eventually and then, like, arriving in amsterdam where i was like, what does this country have to offer. there were paintings of tulips as we walked in the airport...the girls, well, me, jessie, brit and Vida got to talking a bit at the 'posh-looking' mcdonalds where jessie is like, "No, your giving me ketchup" when they wanted to charge her, shes like, "im an american" or whatever. we learned she was adopted and Miss Vida is actually banned from her country for wearing a red bikini in the pageant. anyways, we arrived in delhi some time later, greeted by shashi, the mother who always looks so beautiful and gentle and elegant. The sky was hazy and the roads were crazy, as the steering wheel was on the right side of the car. we arrived at uppals orchid and i got stuck in the room with jessie, melanie, and Josie. Vida, camille and britt were in another room. i believe we had food in the restaurant/coffee shop thing whatever they called it downstairs that night. So,..,,tuesday the 15th, lets see...went to breakfast, beautiful outdoor place but we sat indoors and learned we had to meet at the pool like, 10 am..so me jessie and melanie go to the pool and wait. then sanjana and universe,(as i call her, i even told her that i called her that, her name is Natalie,) arrived. There was a photo shoot we wore some dresses and took pictures.. The press arrived and we were just posing for each other, us girls were, then they all started taking pictures of us, so we were like, having fun with all the photographers while natalie got interviewed and this and that. Then there was a press conference, where we were introduced as international models. after, we all had to put on chefs hats and pour bottles of alchohol in this sort of cake batter. Im going way into detail, figuring i have like, two more weeks of days left, so i will try to keep it brief...(cool word..brief..)then we went to change, but had our fittings to see what we were to wear in the shows. drama endured as camille confronted josie, something about a comment or whatever, i forget..but josie was in the wrong cuz she felt threatened of camille obvisouly and had even said my daughter accomplished more than you and already i didnt like her. to tell the truth, there was something off about her when i met her at the airport, but i can tolerate people to a certain degree, well, more on her later. Little Ella arrived that day with her dad and had to witness the melodrama. Jessie (Miss Hooters hooters hooters this and that..ali g, smoke blunts, french fries, of many other words she would repeatedly say,,,zanny bars...whatever) was complaining. UGh! how annoying!next day, lets see...i believe at first we hung out for a while, oh yeah, meeting with sanjana about the little nitpicky arguments, sanjana asked me to go to universes suite and i was nervous and the one guy said i can come in and i heard harry potter say 'sweet girl' and it reminded me of someone who called me a good girl but i wont get into that...AGhh, like im a dog or somthing...um..anyways, i forget that this is online journal..i didnt even write all that in my regular journal, but i keep adding things..so then hair and makeup arrived. they didnt do mine too good. i was closing my eyes they were like, little indian beauty school students, so i felt her putting on black eyeliner, but when i opened my eyes, i seen her look all frazzled waving her hands around, like, AAGHH!! she wasnt supposed to make my eyes too dark and forget so she panicked cuz we had like, ten minutes left...but the image is so funny its seared in my memories of India...they pinned my hair up too cuz it was greasy from the weird apple like shampoo i used at the hotel uppals orchid. well, the show as there too, in the beautiful garden by the pool..the show went well but i got critisized by sanjana who said i have to walk better and i must lose weight. DUH!! i already knew that..i need to A. LoSe weight B. grow my hair out...yes i know!?!?!?!!!!
Next day, we had to go to the university where the press was again and students were asking for our autographs. Press conference. Later, we drove to the Taj Mahal. It was night out and lights were not allowed but it was beautiful, i thought as i stolled by myself away from the silly squabbles of the girls and overlooked a river and the full moon reflecting of it and thought how magical it all looked. we were on the big whatever you call it, but i thought of movies and arabian nights and thought it would be nice to be there with a boyfriend. By the way, roads in delhi remind me of a stampede of animals, because all the cars are different shapes and sizes, like lions, monkeys, zebras, elephants, all zooming or slow and all over the place. we even seen someone riding an elephant and monkeys on the side of the road. dont forget the colorful weddings they celebrate on the roads at night. we stopped and had food. i didnt mention the little girl we seen earlier dancing for us while her brother played music in my normal journal but i just figured i would here. ok, so the next day must be the 18th. friday..sure..flight to mumbai. had another fashion show taht night. actor salmon kahn was there, i already met him in new york where i thought he had this cool attitude i liked..the tom cruise of bollywood....
good hair and makeup that show.... then party at salmans house. um, then,lets see...flight to bangalore..nice big palacy hotel. beautiful! fashion show that night. sunday-20th fashion show in bangalore. sanjana later invites us to an after party in their suite, where she later tells us we have to go and help josie. im not even mentioning the hatred everyone was building for sanjana, see, im not exactly going into detail all the drama, conversations, and bonding all the girls were doing, but believe me, there was alot. but mostly im happy to say we all became good friends, well, it was me, vida, camille, brit and jessie too, and another girl from india who sanjana hired as like, help, tonya, but she ended up hating her or wahtever, maybe hating is a strong word. melanie didnt hang with us girls...back to the point, so we go to help josie and shes like, in a sweet sugar coated pity voice, (we had a confrontational meeting everyone did earlier that morning),"no, i dont want any kids to help and not know what they are doing.." im like, im not a kid, but i was still being cordial and camille was also with me, but she said she didnt need help so we left but DID NOT go back to the party even tho richard and everyone wanted us all too..the 21st...flight to cochin. arrived at the resort nestled behind a dirt road. met up with yoshka, loud mouthed indian girl who sang shania twain and avril lavigne songs on a boat ride we went on. me, jessie and brit roomed together. the rooms smelled funny...Tuesday the 22nd...
we had to drive to the school where a bunch of kids were awaiting and had more press. go on stage with natalie, we all did. thats where i really noticed scotty, the cute austrailian bodyguard who worked with, yep, avril lavigne, ashley simpson, etc..anyways, kids were all asking for our autographs and such...wanting to shake our hands. it was cute...when we got back i had a hot oil massage. found out the bags were never there still at the airport sanjana panicky and worried, K-a-R-m-a i thought...but they did arrive went bak to the stage which was at the school did our fashion show, there was a known magician there who levitated camille, this is all on tv and news there too BTW....when we got back that night we hung out in vida and camilles room where yoshka got the shy concierge to start dancing it was funny. w
wednesday the 23rd we all went to another resort, except for vida and amille and the other indian models because we were only warned five minutes earlier. the resort was nice we had a boat ride. dont know what else..gift shop.
went back., shared some wine with melanie. um, so later there were drinks going on by the pool.of course i went. richard, dj kushi, jessie, britt, um, prianka, yoshka, who else, ..scotty! more people too. we were drinking britt got drunk jessie and kushi brought her to the room i stayed but when i finally went back to the room the key wasnt in the proper place so the lights didnt work so i stumbled to the bathroom in the dark and heard breathing. it was britt passed out in the bathtub!! i helped her to hte bed. oh yeah, i remember i was like, talking to scotty and all and i think prianka liked him but she is a nice girl..lets see..i dont know nothing special..
thursday the 24th.,..we had to wake early and got a flight to madras. nice hotel. had thanksgiving dinner(not too good) swedish massage, jacuzzi...during hte day i almost forgot to mention, we bought jewelry in a room in the hotel sanjana set it up for us..i bought earrings and bindis but sanjana payed for anyones who was under 1000 rupees..ok, then, i need to say this at least, complaint about JOSIE....while in the room buying jewelry, i notice melanie taking off and the rest of us still hobbled around like shop crazed boring people. josie comes down, says, they have buses out which are leaving in five minutes, but you have to be dressed up (we already had plans to go out shopping but i really could of cared less about shopping to tell the truth), then she points to all of us, "so, you cant go, you cant go.." and i was like, "thanks for distinguishing whether i can go based on your discretion of what im wearing" shes like, well, whatever she says. im like, "go where?' no answer.."Go where?" "there going to a childrens hospital" universe and everyone i was like, i would like to go, but thinking you know, it would be a learning experience for me i would not go for press coverage but i would just want to do that besides shopping so josie was like, all right, come on...hurry tho..by the time we got there they all left. THEN...we get on the little bus to go shopping, they did not wait for camille. she had to go change real quick, but we had to be back by 230 not really tho cuz hair and makeup was going to be there at 5 but just because sanjana or shashi said 230 josie was all like, we cant wait we have to go i was like, why were just going shopping its not a press event! but they dindt want to wait! and then ella asked , is melanie on the other bus? josie is like, "No, Melanie is with sanjana." Then she says, "you girls werent ready on time". I was like ,"WHatever!!"
sorry if it was so choppy and hard to understand im just trying to type fast...but anyways, hair and makeup, fashion show, salman was there again. after party. fun..wore my marylin monroe type dress, white dress and put a diamond bindi where marilyn has her beauty mark..my hair was all blown out and looked good...this was the last fashion show so we all partied it up, doing shots and dancing. later there was an after party at salmans suite. i feel bad cuz i would of liked to have flirted more with scott but was being stupid talkiing to salman and miss universe...oh well...hmm...i feel i forgot crucial things, but anyways, lets see....i got everyones email and all..pictures tooken etc...there were indian friends i made too but you know, im not going into too much detail cuz im too lazy too...next morning we all said bye to vida and hugged and cried...flight back to delhi, it was me, camille, britt, jessie, ella and her dad, josie and melanie...it was camilles bday so tonya came and we had went to the bar downstairs which had cool fish tanks everywhere. then jessie and tonya left and me camille and britt shared some wine and cigars and popcorn and talked then went to sleep. next morning us three went down to breakfst, ate outside(its always in my memory now it was beautiul outside) had dim sum and mimosas...and desserts...sauna and steam...tonya came got us took us (EXCEPT MEL AND MOM) to the gate of india, some sites, shopping...and she picked up two boys to bring to her house where we had tea and the boys gave us henna tattoos. its a poverty place so they had no parents to worry about them...we also had chinese and all went back to Uppals, got our stuff said our goodbyes to ella and dad and tonya. went to airport met richard..went to amsterdam..more drama on my and josies part as i sat next to josie on plane and shes like, oh do you want to switch with that lady i was like it doesnt matter where i sit oh i thought you would want to sit by your friends cuz brit and jessie were by that lady...bla bla bla...missing passport...apparently it was on the plane somehow got out of my purse but whatever...they all went to the famous pot bars but at that point i just wanted to get HOME! but when my parents were there, apparently they talked to anand and we went to the city and to meet him and i went to a quick meeting with him, angelica, and this other girl i met with the owner of zinc magazine. then i come home listen to my messages and hear that my dr. called...oh yeah, hes a dr...this guy who HOPEFULLY CALLS ME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways, i need to pick up my pictures from walmart

BLAST FROM THE PAST BLOG may 15 2006

Monday, May 15, 2006

this weekend

friday evening-i called jen and asked her if she had wanted to go out to eat. we went to italy's, and my friend matt came and met us. i just had some warm bread and tortellini soup. then, i went back to jens and hung out..but she was on the phone with her sister so i left. she looks good she is in her 6 month of pregnancy. matt called so i figured go out for a drink or so but he is like, i got to run here and there and im like, fine. i got in the car with him and we drive to bethlehem, he was selling e pills. he said do you want one, i was like, uh...i dont know..sure. so i took one and he did..then we went to a house in easton, brianne, glenns little sister, was there, and a bunch of other kids. they were playing beer pong. one kid was real drunk but it was funny. he had long hair and was falling all over the place. i was bored. im like, lets go get a drink. i had a beer there but it was lame. someone even shut the music off, and we were just sitting there. its always lame hanging out with matt. he thinks hes like, the kid that is mellow and layed back and sells drugs on the side. so ridiculous after a while...but i mentioned bar-don or whatever, this redneck/kareoke/bowling alley bar. so, we hung out there for a drink, seen someone i inspired to get a blog ( :) ) that is a smiley face in parenthesis..but then i started feeling real relaxed. i went to the bathroom and the door shut and it went BOOOOMM!! really loud. i dont ecstasy before but only after a few drinks. so he said lets go bowling, and im like, ok but when we got there im all searching and searching through my bag for my credit card and the people are all sleepy looking and staring, and i got weirded out so im like, lets get out of here. i was just really feeling relaxed and could care less about doing anything. we went back to the house. the drunk kid was on the porch next to a big garbage can he puked in. everyone was sitting around like lifeless stoned out idiots. after about 20 minutes, i was like, im leaving, so i went home. the heat did feel good tho on the drive back. then i watched some tv and attempted to go to sleep. i felt little waves around me so i allowed myself to visually simulate really cool scenes when i closed my eyes. i seen a lake with a purple sky, a nice green lush forest..stuff like that. i also attempted to tap into my psychic side. im not sure how that went as i forget now, but then i was wired from my thoughts i could not fall asleep. it started getting light out so i went to try to sleep upstairs and it was 9 am and im like, i just want to sleep! i think i did get so much sleep, but that is when dennis started calling so i was like, ok. i got my stuff together and met him at pburg inn and then we tried to sleep but couldnt, im going to spare the details...but we did eat at applebees and then later picked up shannan went back to room had some pre drinks then went to drinkys. a little bit of annoyance on my part them trying to exploit me for some beads! like shannan kissing me out of nowhere. shes like , sluttin it up and im really just trying to be normal and have a good time..she likes to talk and talk and be sexy eyes for dennis..im only joking around...its not that big of a deal just funny..we dance a bit but im like, i want to go to montague, cuz drinkys gets old. so we do go there and all..drink dance...whatever...its never exactly real fun with shannan cuz i do like being joky but she all thinks im jealous of her and she acts like i am uptight and like, a white girl but not at all. when i say white girl, oh freak it..who cares....anyway...so...who knows...next day me and dennis get kfc, shannan had someone pick her up...but then i slept, then anand calls to go to city i bring shannan we get there...meeting with some big make-up guy in asia, wendy the lady from wilhemina, cathy and her two musician friends, sanjana, um, i dont know...it was kind of pointless to be there the only thing that happened was anand bringing both of us in room for talk, him trying to put me down and make me feel good for his own control and/or power issues. do i believe him? do i trust him? he tries to make me feel bad. he says im looking puffy and he said i wasnt dedicated to becoming an actress because i couldnt name 10 directors/producers. im sorry if im not ignorant naieve good girl lauren, who takes it upon herself to do research and such...but he goes and contradicts himself. he tells shannan he never wanted to be a fashion designer it just happened. well, i never wanted wholly to be come an actress, it always has been a notion of mine, but now that i want to, im going to treat it like every job i have...do the best i can...i will too! so fine, i will start reading scripts. i think i can do it. i know i can! he is like, i want the vanity of it..but there are people who really want to do it for the love of it. i always was shy in school and growing up, so i never imagined myself as sort of a theatre type of dork...like, thats just not me...but i can present myself as someone im not...plus, i always wanted to be famous!!! so, whatevere! he is the one that gave me the idea of acting classes in the first place. what does he expect? that he can control me? my thoughts and opinions, feelings and emotions, my actions??? he can brainwash me? he does not know whats gonna occur from all this? im absorbing, i am seeing and taking notes, taking notes of HIM! he will be famous alright, when i write a book about him...but not in a good way..isnt karma great? im not really this lame, im just bored. but i got to stop. he is right, i do need focus on the main picture, i do need to start running...training my mind, stop drinking...ive always known that...i feel an emptiness right now, a lost emptiness..i need to finally start working on that void i have been feeling for years...but anyhow, we listened to guitar a bit and cathy jones and like, i was like, um..like yeah like...anyways..why did my dad give me the home phone it is a collection agency he said eric? and it is just a dumb collection agency and sage is acting nosy and goofy and weird cuz i am on the home phone...breach of contract...post date a payment...this is ridiculous..plus i have fines and all that...what the f??

HUNGRY EYES SYNCHRONCITY....or subliminal sign??

hi. so you know how i posted that odd couple dancing to 'hungry eyes'? so tonight, on family guy, they totally did a dirty dancing skit, and it played the 'hungry eyes' song! to further verify, the next family guy also had a dirty dancing skit! i mean, come on now, right!??!

what else? oh so i asked the conan ppl (well the guy that works for conan) ahh anyways i asked about project monarch and i SAID TO GOOGLE IT!! and he acts like it doesnt even exist!??! i mean, this is the internet!?? im pretty positive he is looking at the same internet as the rest of us!?? google project monarch ugh ya know? information will come up! here is the Question:

Anonymous asked: i know this question will not be addressed, but is 'project monarch' real? it just scares me so much if they are traumatizing and fracturing celebrities to create alter personas. reason why i ask here is because it exists in the entertaining world. i just hope it is not true. google it, project monarch taylor swift or anyone in entertainment for that matter.

Guess what? I just took your challenge and am about to address your unaddressable question: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. BOOM. ADDRESSED. - Bley

what do you mean you have no idea what i am talking about!?? its on google yo! he made me feel stupid and insensitive for asking a logical question!?!

i submitted that question to thedirty.com,  but you know what...it brings awareness at least. people can feel free to google for themselves.

you know what, yes, it is ok to be numbed by our surroundings, or...sigh, not to put it that way...ok, yeah being cool with tv, talk shows, pop stars, tv shows, movies, even the ritualistic news, politics...fine ok? yeah its cool...right? but wouldnt a person really want to know if they really do testing and torture/trauma/dissociative identity disorders, alts

i mean, it is fair for us to know that say, selena gomez was being abused since way before her days with the big purple dinosaur and his big purple heart. its sickening! i think we deserve to know if that is true!??! you know? its like fuck this right? why waste our brains away on drugs and video games. oh coca cola, 'while your tongue is young, the teenage tongue' see? another way to further brainwash the young the youth...or whatever!??!

is project monarch freaking real!??! i dont know, that shit terrifies me. but yeah, hungry eyes subliminal sign...

oh so...if um...can i just know some answers i mean....whateve right!??? i go bed

OH MY GOSH!!

haa!! and he keeps brushing his hand over her non-existent boob! oh my gosh i feel molested looking at this!?? just...............eeeeeeekkkk but ya cant stop watching!!!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10204485369398330

hay thar

ONE WEEK

im one week in......ugh this is so boring!!! this is worse than jail! i actually miss jail. i looked at my friend ortiz' fb page and i saw they posted a video at the community service, (the church where we did the buffet style...buffet, remember (weird i heard 'kircher' on tv, the amanda knox murdered victim' and it made me think of kirchner, remember? she was there that one time) oh my gosh my parents are arguing in the other room. they are communicating. why doesnt the microwave work? it doesnt heat properly? why does it seem like none of our bowls are microwave safe?!?? this bothers me all the time!!! (oh those were my wonders from earlier not what they were arguing about)  i wonder if amanda knox was mk'd....she certainly has the looks as an actress...OX means something...anyways, as i was saying, i watched this video! aww! see these are normal girls i was in there with! thats my bunky ortiz and the other girl is nicole, the one who has been there along time. well they both have been in a long time. before i left, a bunch of new girls came in. im glad i left when i did because there was this 'trying too hard' fake girl who joined the crew. i had to clean the showers one night and she said she was going to take a shower, well, i asked, 'is anyone taking a shower?" because i wanted to clean. she said she was but she wanted to take it by herself. uh ok but i need to clean the showers! the other girl, (darn i forgot her name!???!) eehh, otalia...no she has a really pretty name...oh, everyone called her 'minnie' because her last name was mini..something..she told the girl, 'well she has to clean the showers and she doesn't want to get in trouble shes not gonna get in trouble cuz you want to take a shower!'

im happy marta unfriended me. good riddance! she seems very judgemental anyways. i wish i had explained to her, 'i know it does not make a difference to you and you say you have more important things in your life, but what you said to lisa is affecting me! i am trying to help get a relationship back with lisa and for you to ask petty questions like ,'why did i do my makeup so bad,' or 'why do i talk the way i do' , that bothers her AND YOU KNOW THAT DOES, and then she complains to sage, who is also my neice...and sage does not want to hear that!


ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


but anyways, oh i want to share the video! it just brings smile to my face, idk. i so wish i was able to capture all the memories of my life, you know?

when you are feeling down, it is so nice to look at old pictures, to watch home videos, you know? just to remember the times and memories you made. i so wish i had taken more pictures in high school, and more in the army, i wish i had video footage of when i was in the army! (these reality kids have no idea how meaningful it is to have these memories on film i mean, you know tho? ) i wish i was growing up in this new technology age, so i could capture memories, make videos, have fun. you know how many pictures i had taken that was lost? lots! well, a disposable camera i had at the playboy mansion that one time, remember? i think they had taken it because i took pictures of people i would later recognize tho. seriously, i truly believe that! also, FOUR fucking disposable cameras on when i lived in los feliz, a halloween mansion party in silverlake, pictures at hollywood parties, all gone because MOSS decided to drop them off at fucking CVS! because he was sick of seeing them on his floor. he didn't even ask me!??! i never developed pictures there, i would bring them to walmart!!!

actual printed out pictures are so important. i love pictures, i havent developed any in years tho!!??! oh and also the time when i lost my digital camera, sigh.....i left it at the roosevelt bathroom and it was when shannan was visiting in hollywood for that interview for E! about anand jon. that was weird because...well, the whole 'pony thing?" idk....maybe that was a coincedence tho!? i never hear poison stuff on conan anymore well actually, there was a skit about 'ricin'....but im bored of that show.

um....but yes pictures and video is so important! anyways, not to be creepy, but here is the video of my bunky and also, duffy is there too! and bea! haha!!! this is just a little clip to show that these are normal girls, you know? and idk.........


https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10205093013519013&pnref=story

i still have 7 more weeks!??! and i thought the month in was long!?? this is bullshit

why does jessica alba bend over all the time?

oh my god moss is annoying me so much he keeps calling me 'dum dum poopy head' what the fuck!? what kind of guy talks like that? its stupid! hes weird....wow.

anyways, why does jessica alba always bend over? ok so she is what, 34 now? or older idk...and a mam. a mam HA MOM.. jessica alba is a MOM!! aw i want to be a mom...seriously i do tho. um..but here are pics of her bending over. why you bend over so much, alba?

i need to buy that mini ice cube tray. since i started eating ice again in jail, now i NEED ICE! we dont even have ice cube trays here!??! now i need ice! probably since i havent' drank in such a long time. oh my god i just thought about it and i kind of feel like i cant breathe! wow do i need alcohol that much!?? i have not had a drink in so long WOW!!!!???!? mehhhhh...its ok! i haven HAD SEX in so long either WOWWWWWWWW WtFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

oh my gosh...anyways...

woooo! -_- here are bend butt alba....and her slight um...whatever its called...bow legged stance

the most recent...what is going on here!??! her butt is like popping up out of the water and saying hi. who does that tho? i mean, who dives underwater like that, ass up? ya know? and whats up with that chrissy teagen...whatever sippin on that champagne. what is up? this was from tmz

september 2005 her butt looks like baked beans

malnourished downward dog, skin and bones edition (i dont know why im so mean its funny tho!??!)

again!??! what the heck alba?? i have never bent over like this on the beach! you know what tho, next time i go to the beach, im gonna have someone take a pic of me like this, and i am going to dub it 'the alba pose'

ribbin it up

i dont know if that is her i just found it when i googled jessica alba bent over (sounds sexier than it was intended!!)

germanwings

What are the odds, that on MARCH 24 the “DAY OF BLOOD” during the feast of ATTIS...
A plane would crash in DIGNE LES BAINS in the French Alps?
This is in the back yard of CERN and the Large Hadron Collider.
The spot where scientists found the God Particle and want to create DARK MATTER and open BLACK HOLES.....
Oddly the Large Hadron Collider was fired up for a test run LAST NIGHT.
As the Plane approached CERN it dropped 32,000 feet and crashed into the mountains, killing all 144 passengers and 6 crew -- totaling "150" persons.
What is mind bending is the GEMATRIA that is embedded in this event.
The Plane Crashed in an area called Digne Les Baines and Prads Haute Bleone, very close (in world geography) to CERN and the Atom Collider.
DIGNE LES BAINES = 322
PRADS HAUTE BLEONE = 666
In addition to Attis this week we are celebrating the Pagan Holy Day of Ostara.
OSTARS = 322
322 is the Sacred Number of Skull and Bones.
At CERN there is a Theory called:
THE RAINBOW GRAVITY THEORY = 3022 = 322
We are approaching the "150" anniversary of the assassination of Abraham Lincoln on 4/14. There are alot of 414/114 Codes connecting the Plane Crash to CERN:
ATTIS = 414
The World Wide Web was created at CERN
WWW = 414
The Flight was 9525
NINE FIVE TWO FIVE = 1104
RAINBOW GRAVITY = 1104
PARALLEL UNIVERSE = 1140
DARK MATTER = 411
There are many other repeating codes that I will put in the comments:
313 is extremely Powerful and may predict Americas future.
313 is the Slide in the Zupruter film that shows Kennedy getting hit in the head with a bullet.
313 = FRENCH ALPS

The Week I Went To Nelson And Pickles | vlog

 im bored so im watching my subscription peoples...i knew this girl is from canada her accent she might be native. her friend is annoying. i always wanted to do stuff like this tho, you know, random things. oh but im too old and its so wrong to be acting like this!??! im going crazy. tomorrow one week im out of jail. im telling you this week was LONG! i havent left the house! i cant stand this!?!? i need a job

which one should i get?

so which one should i get!??!? LOVE THESE

Lit Up pictures

i really want to get one of those lit up pictures, like the kinds that has a waterfall, or northern lights. even a pool. eventually i would like to make a multimedia design, with a brick backdrop, and a pool and all kinds of neat things...palm trees, unicorns, tokyo

i cant wait to get my own place!!! seriously, i cant do this anymore!! and i will publish books. 

and meet people that actually WANT to be friends with me!! maybe a boyfriend or whatever i mean...mehhhh

i just be me!!

k later

these are cool

http://www.naturespiritinc.com/ocean_motion_pictures

Things I want to do this summer

- free yoga classes
- flea markets
- art classes
- camping
- campfires/cook-outs
- hiking
- color run
- easton state theater plays
- pow-wow
- weird nj sites 
- comic con
- new orleans
- photoshoots
- zoo
- aquarium
- museums
- planetarium
- motorcycle rides
- 4 wheeling
- NYC
- beach
- fair
- musickfest
- concerts/festivals
- renaissance fair
- medieval times restaurant
- exploring
- new hope/lambertville
- parties/pig roasts
(etc if i think of more things i will post them)

i cannot breathe!! i cant be here. my parents put the heat on and i feel like i cannot breath!!! i need to get out of this house! i need a cigarette! i need something!! i cant fucking breathe! im so sick of all these assholes! matt, lisa marta, jen all of them are a bunch of creeps. i need to block them, i do not want those people to see my posts. i do not need them to see anything i say or do. also, smx hired jen and christine for just born, yesterday auggie told me that there is no work. he lied to me. people disgust me. i am so sick of everything!!! i need a cigarette badly! i need a ride. i need to get away from my parents! i should cook.

marta asked lisa why i talk the way i do or why i wore such bad makeup. she asked that to lisa! now of course lisa is going to be insulted and embarrassed at what a terrible person i am i mean, her friends are asking lisa why am i such a strange stupid person!? why do i exist? im gross. i talk funny. i talk the way i talk. all the reasons why i hate myself, marta noticed, and she goes and asks lisa about it.

and they lied to me about work! its perfect hours, 7-2pm. i would go to work every day, on time. i would mind my own business and avoid drama. so why was i not asked to go back? this is why i hate temp agencies. they can get rid of you if you do not fit the credentials.

what am i going to do with my life? i need to get OUT OF HERE!! BUT I CANT! IM STUCK!! IM STUCK FOR ANOTHER 50 SO DAYS!!!

forget these bitches! i dont....im just gonna do me! i tried to reach out to lisa, and she said she wanted to stop by, why did marta have to ask her why i talk or look the way i do!??! these people are a bunch of assholes!

im going to write a story.

i can see why someone will be like, 'why does she write everything for people to read?

why does she say what goes on in her life? how dare she!!!


oh and this is why it got me upset. i really do not care what marta thinks of me!!? her opinion does not affect me at all!


but when she has to ask my sister such rude inquiries, that bothers lisa, and then lisa goes and tells sage...and it is not fair for sage


gosh what is wrong with people!??!


well i told marta i do not need people judging me and she unfriended me. oh well! family should be more stronger than people that do not matter and i just want to have a relationship with my sister, and my neice! sage actually likes me, but when she has her own mother talking shit on me, how is she supposed to feel?


sage says she doesn't even want to talk to lisa anymore!??! i truly think that facebook hurts more then it helps. yes we should be able to hold back, i cant think of the word now....restrain against posting everything on facebook. i admit, i have seen a few posts that make me think, 'wow! what is wrong with that person?"

but very rarely...

things that are upsetting me

-i feel stuck
- marta unfriended me
- lisa doesnt understand me
- job lied to me

how can i remedy it?

well i just cooked a spicy shrimp and rice meal....i had a glass of lemon water, i had taken a deep breath. i can work on my puzzle. do the dishes....

talk to my parents about it.

and just take things as they are. i need to worry about myself.

randoms

Hi! It smells so nice outside, like sweet sun-kissed rain. The birds are chirping and the air is fresh. Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience this! Amen! I am filled with so much gratitude right now. I was going to focus on negative, and being upset, but it is not worth it anymore. I opened up the door to let in some fresh air. I am also listening to this tibetan buddhist bowl with wind chimes. I want to get a tibetan bowl! The vibrations open up a frequency, (just kidding! i do not want to open up any doorways or gateways!), but I love these sounds! I do think that maybe you can hear these bells on another plane tho, you know? Being on the internet like this is breaking my concentration. I did some yoga this morning. I am starting to practice breathing and meditation.

I have all this free time now, so I really must decide to use it well. I want a nice, quiet office in which I can just write!!! I mean, I should start writing i guess.instead of wasting it on these blogs!

hmm.............i want to travel!!!


i cannot wait to get my own place! finally! then i can say after much hardships and stake in the roads, i can finally have my own place!

so, i wrote a list of a few things, that i want to get. oh no! superficial things!!

my goals are as follows:

move out!

create! (publish a book, animate a cartoon, do a short movie)

youtube video ideas!!!

the wine one/temperpedic

mk ultra rabbit walk robertson blvd

cece peniston finally vine

things to get!!!

camcorder (to record fun things this summer!)

movie maker equipment

mophie for phone

holly madison book

puzzles

board games

arts and crafts (poster boards, paints, deli paper, glue, jesso, mosaics, crazy duck tape)

mac pc

tattoos

peircings

martini girl and wine girl

gems and crystals

paranoia strikes again!

i dont think that lisa understands me. you see, this thing called the 'internet' is not meant for seriousness! i think lisa sees it as a vessel to project yourself to people who really do not care! aside from family who do not understand how the internet works, it is really not to be taken serious! so what if i made a jail video? i mean...well maybe i shouldn't of done that. what if i have a future employer stalking all of my blog posts? man that would just be creepy. i mean, i am feeding information to big brother, maybe i should not! we as citizens should be afraid to write whatever we want! we should not say how our work day went, or how some life changing event was, we should freely say dreams or goals we should have. we should be scared, and mute! we should just not do anything! the internet is what made lisa hate me so much! oh i was looking at myspace pictures. i cant believe some of the pictures i was posting on myspace!??! what the hell was i thinking!?? if i want to do modeling, then so what right? i mean, as a female, it is fun to do photoshoots! that is why so many males dress up as little pretty sexy princesses! hah!!!


i dont think i am ever going to  stop blogging!? but then it can be used against me!?? the very veins of paranoia are being shot up with uh...even more paranoia!!

my veins are being shot up with paranoia! right? i mean, why are...YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU (360 degree aereal spin) even reading my blogs!??!

who are you? do you know me in real life? are you stalking me? just who the hell are you!????!


*tumbleweed*

i dont know. how can i change everything about me!???!?

Why do I post like this? Why do I feel the need to post every single thing on my mind? Am I missing a few screws, am I missing that factor most people have, you know, the privacy factor!?? Is there something mentally wrong with me in that I unleash out my very thoughts out like this, exposing my raw clam of a belly? (To be honest, all that i post is really a rendered ball of nonsense...) but does that mean that is all of who i am? the fact that i get drunk and drunk enough to drive, drunk enough to not care about myself, do i have no sense of pride or holding back.?? is there some lumbar (something is holding her back my mom just said..) my heart is beating so fast and i feel so tense now!! its like i am sensing that ball of nerves unwinding)...of course i am not sitting in a silent room.

seriously, did something happen where my mind did not fully develop properly? why do i blog? why do i post about things? i make it so that lisa does not see my posts because i know that she judges. i forget to block matt tho. well you know that jail shampoo vlog i did? it was a fun thing, it was just one of those youtube videos...just made in fun. no one is going to find it...no one that i want to find it...i posted it for views, but i made it so that at least 30 ppl would not be able to see it!??!

i guess she told sage that all i learned from jail is shampoo. she really does not know me. i did not make it so that everyone can see out of respect. i did not want it to see like i was boasting about being in jail or taking it lightly, i mean, check out all the comments.

she is always judging me, and i dont think she is ever going to stop.

she thinks i am some sort of stupid, gullible, dumb idiot. she has always felt this way about me. when i was like, 22, i was saving up money for breast implants, and she told me i was stupid for that. then she got them!?? also she got mad at me and tried to fight me the night before i was going to go on the howard stern show, but a few years earlier, she went with her friend kate to the howard stern show. for biggest natural boobs...her friend

i try to be friends with her, but she is way too judgemental of me. i think she is ashamed and embarrassed of me.

and she told me her friends all had asked her, 'why does lori post about everything she does?"

WHY BECAUSE I DONT CARE! I AM NOT AFRAID OF JUST BEING ME! THIS IS WHO I AM!??! why should i be afraid!??!

sage might be mad that i told lisa...ugh

i dont understand why everything i do just makes her upset.

i texted her, 'lisa, this might seem silly, but i always think, what if i meet someone who is kind, smart, succesful and respectful? then will you respect me? what if i somehow become succesful, or what if i become someone that people like? then will you respect me enough to just be happy with who i am?"

i mean, our parents created both of us. does that pain her to know that we have the same blood, except that i am the stupid slutty clueless childish one that she is embarrassed to be related too?

i cant do anything right!???! i CANT think right i cant act right!

why am i even posting this!?! how dare i!??!

thoughts (again)

ok i think i am ready to start blogging about things other than jail....although it has not yet been a week that i have been out. i still have about 54 more days of being stuck in here. being stuck is the worse. at least in jail i had places to go, people to talk too. yes i have had company 
ugh i cant find the cube to charge my phone with. i have to charge it on my laptop so whenever i move the phone will either stop charging and then charge again and it buzzes. iphones are fucking annoying! i dont think i even want to get a mac PC (too confusing)...plus i hate their keypads and the mouse always buzzes. i tried to look for the cube in bins but its so dusty that now i am sneezing. one thing i really want to do is FINALLY get my own place! that is all i want! this house is so full of clutter, and dust, and i cannot find the things in case i want to cook. i made dinner the other night, i made a spicy chicken sautee with roasted asparagus. its just hard to cook in this kitchen.

i also want to get a haircut. my hair is long and the edges are scratchy. i want the ends to be soft. and i want the top part of my head to have more volume. i really hate the way my hair falls flat and it falls into a part. i do not want a part.

i want to start styling my hair. i want to wear it up, and do things with my hair and makeup and clothes etc, that i have not been able to do due to not having money. or constant flow of money, that one gets from having a full time job. 


i just want my life to be normal. this dui really affected me. it seems that i can never just be at that level of comfort. it is always something.

and it has happened since my other duis, 10 years ago.


i never obtained that level of comfort since. it was always, go here, do this....i never had time to just find a camp base and chill, and work up and acquire things that most people do within their life span. such as, finding a soul mate, get married, have kids, have a nice house, a nice car, go on nice trips.

oh and also, when i was in jail, i did not think of MOSS! he seems to think he is the center of my world. i mean, i dont care what he does with his life. if it makes him happy, fine. i dont want him to change, (he always says i wish i could be more like you, after i tell him that he is just not my kind of person)...i dont want him to be more like me. but his ideas of life are way different than mine. the way he goes about doing things is way different than me. 

ughhh, he keeps telling me about working for dean. well, as a realistic person (although i do like to get lost in dreams), i ask him, 'doing what moss? what will i be doing?" ok? that is a normal question. dean is a psychologist, i am not. i am not certified at all. so what will i be doing? where dean works...he works at a drug and alcohol counseling place. i just want to know, i am curious. that is fair right? i mean, moss can give me an idea, if i can get provided training, sure! but he does not tell me, rather he interrupts me and says, 'i dont know lori i dont know' in the most obnoxious way ever. his inability to hear me through is what really annoys me. that is why i tell him he is not my kind of person. eddie texted me about some bullshit about moss, whatever. but he told me that is not his real name, so i asked moss what is his real name? he says the name he uses now. i know that is not  the name he is born with, so why can't he just tell me the truth? see things like that make me see him as a dishonest person....i do not care what his real name is!? i dont know why people are so semetic (or is it anti?) about jewish people, honestly i do not understand what all that racism is about, you know? i dont get it, so i really do not care if that is not his real name!?? its just weird that he cannot tell me the truth. it makes me see him as a bandit weasel, like swiper from dora, who likes to swipe snipes. like moss! he loves to swipe snipes! moss is swiper!!!

idk, i just find his behaviours to be very unbecoming. unpleasant. he is also very, i cant think of the word!??! when someone does something deliberate, oh, spiteful! he is spiteful.

he will make me wait on him, if say, ron makes moss wait on ron, he takes it out on me. or if i do not answer the phone when he calls right away, then he will make me wait. that is all very spiteful. 

if he wants to spend all day reading everything about what is trending on facebook, well thats his thing. but i choose to become more enlightened. i choose to actually experience LIFE! 

i still plan on volunteering. travelling. inspiring. connecting. creating.

i CHOOSE to respect life, and all this world has to offer. Hallelujah!