Shaming

When I wake up, I usually scroll through Instagram and Facebook. While looking at Instagram, sometimes I watch the stories. I follow alot of insta-models and insta-celebs, make-up artists and porn stars, (I don't know why, I just do, ok???), I also follow alot of my real time fb friends, but rarely do I see a FB story by any of them. The facebook stories are that of these insta-celebs and models, and honestly, I click on them so I can just swipe past them. They are quite boring, and narcissistic. Looking at instastories is a good way to feel as if your own life is BAH (Boring as heck). They have events all day on schedule, it seems. Photo-shoots, unboxing makeups, driving in the car listening to krunk, modern rap (not sure what to call it?), zooming in on movies they are watching or Friends episodes, having business meetings with captions, boomerang shots of friends at a table at a cafe or club, talking to the camera with a snapchat filter, I mean, this is not new news, this is as basic as the #term basic...

So, on FB, I saw a post. The bullying age is real too. There was a post of a fat man attempting to dance, the next photo was him looking sunken and solemn, (speaking of sunken, Kim K described Kanye, in a recent tweet, as being in the sunken place, in terms of voicing his opinions or something. Sounds very Get Out, (sunken place)...the caption for those photos was, "He noticed us trying to take a picture of him dancing, then he stopped dancing" ((or something like that. Let me find a link if I can...)) Oh, I see this is from 2015!?? Well, lo and behold, here is the linkage: (I feel I am writing very annoying...this whole gossip, whatever style I am trying to capture!?? http://time.com/3895459/dancing-man-sean-o-brien-body-shamed-fat-dance-party-los-angeles/


Remember, Linkage?? 

I feel like that 90s style should be more abundant now! Or maybe it is, I am out of the loop....the FRUIT LOOP!?? FROOT LOOP

this is my myspace style of blog. goodness. I am getting TOO ODE for all this tho. For real. The things that used to entertain me say, even 5 years ago, no longer does. I must capture excitement for my old ass now...

Going back to insta-stories and shaming, often times I see pornstar Leigh RavenX (let me find her insta hold on..((I found her through Alice McMunns insta too btw))https://www.instagram.com/leighravenx/?hl=en 

So it looks like she might be cool? Yeah? NAH!! She is boring and no personality at all, IMO. yes there is the video where she says she was abused during a porn shoot, which actually showed she had a striking personality, well, not striking, but she has a personality which she can portray, if she wanted too, I guess: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfS48ts2x0Y


But, when I am trying to look thru instastories, they often have live feeds which they keep up, so I have to keep pressing the screen to surpass 45 minutes worth of a live stream to get through. If I watch a bit, its her and her girlfriend , (who is actually way more lively than Leigh Raven)..and its Leigh Raven, looking doped up or something...staring at the comments. You can tell she thinks all her fans are idiots. She stares at the comments like they are little gnats or something. She'll spread her split tongue at times, (split tongues are gross IMO), but whatever you know, people do what they like. She seems so boring tho. And they smoke weed and do edibles. Ugh, weed is so overrated. Well, they were driving to some weedfest, and her girlfriend took the camera. She said, "Look at this guy next to us, blasting def leppard"..then she took the camera and filmed him. She then said the guy got pissed they were laughing at him. Uh, I would get uncomfortable too, if I saw them pull next to me while blasting some Def Lep and rockin out, I'd feel embarrassed and shamed, and I would lower it, feeling awkward as heck. Well, WHY FEEL AWKWARD OR UPSET??? You know? In retrospect, he should of stuck his tongue out and did the devil horns and BLASTED THAT DEF LEP! instead!??! you know???

so, if someone makes you feel embarrassed, turn it up and make THEM feel more embarrassed for trying to shame you!!??? YOU KNOW!???! 

ROCK ON! (ha! maria demo)

and i know i sort of bully myself, like what i just said about how boring leigh raven is. im entitled to my opinions ok? 

just wanted to share..

EXTREME GOLDEN TAN TRANSFORMATION

very interesting person to watch. after all the makeup, he resembles a meryl streep or anjelica huston. the more you watch these male youtube beauty gurus, the more you will see how these so called female celebs...i mean, these male makeup artists and transgenders on youtube, really do look like these 'so called female celebrities'...ijs

Accident @ Las Vegas Blvd and Warm Springs 4/12/18 10:04AM

We had a detour due to a big accident, by the boot shop. Moss kept talking about it, and questioning it. he called the boot shop and they told him it was like that since 10 in the morning. we were there about 3 pm. he was so curious about the crash, turns out, a woman was drunk and killed a mother. this is the footage moss somehow found of it. sad story..



oh im watching roseanne. becky looks like darla. i wonder how darla is doing..

sync i was reading the victims name, doneka harris, and i heard, jacqueline HARRIS on roseanne. than i read drinking and driving and i heard, 'want a drink" and roseanne says, Dan! youre driving!"

the actress who plays becky looks so young still, i think. roseannes character had a child in her 40s. gives me hope!

I didn't stay in LA as long as I would of liked. Moss was dead set on Vegas for 5 FUCKING...DAYS! I thought the reason we were even there, was for ACMS! I mean, we really did not do anything acm related, except for that free jam-packed concert where fans spilled out into the casino. Oh, Moss...moss moss moss. Tsk TSK!! It is quite strange too, how he needed me out there, but what is more strange is, well, did he have other intentions on having me out there? He is very secretive, and weird. Like, he did not tell me that Kendra has been living with him for the past month!?? She stole from him! I mean, why is he bringing in shady characters?? It's all just so odd, and I feel uncomfortable. Why bring me into his strange world of odd ones? I don't know? He was just so persistent!??! Right now, on Andrew Zimmern (his last name is Zimmern, not Zimmerman)...his doing a foodie tour in LA/Silverlake area. I would of preferred to stay in LA more so than Vegas. 

So, last time we were in Vegas, we went to 800 degree pizza, but it was closed!?? So, I kept talking about 800 degree pizza, right??  Well, while we were in LA, we were going to get sushi, but I saw...we passed 800 DEGREE PIZZA!?? I MEAN, WTF MOSS!???! A few nights we were trying to decide what to eat, and there was an 800 degree pizza all along!??! I asked Moss if he knew this, and he said, yeah/ SO WTF YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!??! Geez, he doesnt use his noggin!!

my goodness!??!?!

I really do love LA, and I want to come back, I just wish I had someone fun to come with me. We would airbnb rather than stay at Moss'es bedbug shit. CRISPY RICE so good! thai restaurant!

I should ask scotti was she is up too, i know she wants to hang out. I just have early appts tomorrow morning. 

My logitech camera is not working now!??? Hmm....I am hoping to head back to LA, perhaps for a few weeks in the summer. So much more fun and interesting than Pburg NJ. 

NOWS THE TIME TO FIGURE SHIT OUT!!! aHO!!!!! 

im so stressed out. i have been paying my nj surcharges. i have been paying my student loans. yet im still having issues with my tax returns.

first, i never got my federal return. finally i got a letter which said mine was selected because they have to do further review? all my info was correct. this is so annoying and im sick of this shit! it says i have to wait, but i would like to call the irs and found out what is going on!?? i havent called because i have been on hold with the dmv all day! they withheld my state tax because they say i am delinquent with my nj surcharges, but that is not true! i have been paying each month! i can only pay what i can afford tho, 100.00 a month. im still paying, they gave me a number to call but i have been on hold for 2 hours!??!?

when i worked in PA last year, they withheld local taxes from me, even tho i did not work there! so i got a letter saying they need me to submit my w2s. thats fine, i guess, but when i was getting my taxes done, the daffy lady had my forms in with her shit and took my w2s home with her! Then she called me for my address to mail it back, but she WHITE OUTED MY SSN!?? SO NOW im going to have issues with it! its whited out! do i need to now get new w2s sent to me!?? this is ridiculous!

i just want my tax returns back, which i deserve! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!

why is this being done to me? i should of been making these calls last week, but no, i had to be out in California. i cant do trips when i have issues to resolve!

BOYFRIEND REACTS TO MY BOY PHOTOS!!!

she looked like chloe moretz grace as a young boy. you see, she looks very feminine now.

so there are places i want to visit, before i have a baby. my friend karen says we should have kids together. she was my  friend since childhood. we grew up going on family trips together, and she would like to do the same. only prob is, with mike, that aint never gonna happen. and mike is so negative and just..ugh, he falls asleep all the time. im sorry, he doesnt do it for me anymore. sigh. so i want to visit my friend in the UK! i want to TRAVEL! what am i supposed to do!?? I wish i just had LOTS OF MONEY!! YEAH GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY~!!! i will MANIFEST IT! i have been watching the spies girls manifestation videos, although im going to have to stop with that, because i grasp the concept...i suppose.

now that i am back home, and i am no longer burdened with planned trips, i have to really FOCUS on what i NEED TO DO!
of course, moss wants me to go to lake tahoe for that celebrity golf tournament. sighhhhhhh....

but he will do it like last time too where its all payed for. but i dont know, im already struggling as is. i mean, my rent is going to be late!! i need to cut cable too. 170.00 for cable is fucking insane. no need for that!!!

im going to get playstation vue.

old photoshoot

I found these in a dropbox file. I miss photoshoots. I need to do more! i have a summer themed one i am supposed to do soon. maybe i should move because living here is tough with BILLS i cant even get fun things for myself!! AHH LIFE WHAT IS NEXT ON MY AGENDA THO???

u know, so, i have been feeling bored and what not, here...in NJ. especially since its been cold for to damn long! i need to get my good canon camera fixed. i also want to make videos with other girls. sherry said she wanted to do unboxing videos, and maybe scotti would want to make a video or something. also, i have to ask natasha if she would be interested in doing an asmr house tour or tarot reading.

it really sucks tho, because with my hours just being cut, i really do not have extra money to do fun things. and also, i havent got my tax return back, i have to call them tomorrow. and my state tax was withheld because it says i am deliquent in my nj surcharge, but thats not true at all.

and fuck jay, i msg him all the time about hanging out, but he never replies back, so im just going to say, 'fuck you! forget you!"

and mike? well, mike is just boring and not enticing or stimulating or anything! im bored of him!

i want to find a fun, adventurous guy who has a motorcycle!

fuck walmart too! im sick of late hours and working on wknds.

lordy lordyyyy help me out here!!

GETTING VOICE FEMINIZATION SURGERY!!

interesting....

things have been really tough for me, financial wise. also, while i did just come back from a trip, i do not feel fulfilled and i am on a quest for happiness, for a foundation, for something!??? im not even sure what exactly, i just want to feel fulfilled.

i did not get my period last month, and i have been gaining weight, but how would i of gotten pregnant when i am on birth control? i also sort of want to stop taking my bcps. so...i just need to have a kid now, you know???

what else....

lots of things. i want to travel more, of course...i need another job.

im going to do some asmr videos.

movie theater attendant and also hangover asmr. that is next of my agenda!!

read better things and heard it on tv

heard metro pcs while looking at my metropolis sign

also..

OXYGEN MASKS!!!

i will get to that later tho. tired

google made these for me lol

THE UNIVERSE

so i am home, which is nice. im just upset because i cant find my fuzzy eiffle tower throw blanket. last time i had it was when i went to s. carolina with mike. i thought i brought it back tho?? maybe shannan has it. i will have to find out soon. so, uhhh...we drove back to LA. well, we ended up leaving really late on tuesday. i had to wait on moss to do his weird things.if i wasn't there, he'd just hang out in vegas, despite checking out. he wanted us to go see his brother in santa barbara to go to a concert. it was so late tho by the time we left. i had to follow moss to give his host a bet or something, but he needed another diamond card, i dont know!??! it was annoying. i wax poetic about the trip, if i knew what that means? looking back in retrospect, no. casinos that smell like floral perfumes, and hotel suites which look like whipped cream pie. i'm happy its all over with tho!! we stopped at a casino for some 1.25 hot dogs and a few sodas we swiped at the vip booking table. what else what else!?? SIGH. i dont know.

when i got back, i went out for a bit w george and denali. we had a drink and then headed out to some hollywood bar. i was really exhausted tho. i had heavy drinks such as an old fashioned. whiskey is the thing out here. next day i woke up kind of late, moss and i went to eat at phillipes french dip. then we went to the hollywood sign and hiked. i got plenty of pics of course! then we went back, i napped. we had water too because that hike left me parched. i still tasted bouts of whiskey amongst my hike, i wasnt sure how to feel bout dat!??

after a nap, i waited extensively for moss to pry his butt off his bedbug ridden 30 year old leather loveseat so that we can go to the los feliz observatory. i wanted to watch a planetarium show, but we wounta had time since we were hungry and headed to the valley for a superb sushi supper. 

woke up late, i missed my flight but was able to get the next one, only an hour after.

so, during this trip headed back to LA, moss and i talked about my grandmother who died. barbara bush died, so moss said, "she was old. 92." well i told him, my aunt is alive and well and she is 95! my puerto rican aunt, who still drinks espresso and lattes and wine. (her secret!) well moss thought i was talking about my grandmother from my mothers side, so he was like, "uhhh, i remember when she died." she died when i was living in LA. but no, my other grandmother died in her 60s, when i was only 5. so that day, i saw sage posting about how she would like to one day be an MC at a powwow. well, i had a facebook memory come up, and it was about a synchronicity i had, about how i was running out of memory for my pictures, and the mc at the powwow we were at last year, says, "In MEMORY of our grandmother." weird how i read MC twice, and i was talking about my grandmothers. 

also, i was posting or msging about my cat marble, how i miss marble, (no i was telling moss i cant wait to see marble), i look up and i see that felix sign from downtown LA which at one point, made me happy that marble was still alive, because mike told me marble died, (bcuz i was in LA for over a month back in 2014) wtf mike?!?

also, while driving, moss and i were talking about my old boss jarvee hutcherson, and how he was an asshole. later that night, i heard the song, "Well, i remember"...that old disco song...that song used to always play when i was working as a secretary for him. well, that song came on later that night at the bar. when i checked his fb page, i found out that jarvee had died last year.

today on the plane, i was super tired but i watched two movies again. first one was the dark tower. before boarding, these hasidic jews were right in front of me. they wear long, black coats, and a hat of some sort, and curly cues on the side of their hair? Yeah, well, i saw the one jew (?), (i always feel that sounds so racist, jew...idk), but yeah, i saw that he had a smiley face sticker on his bag. so, i was watching the dark tower, and the men in black, well, the man in black...(the jewish men were also men in black), in the movie, there are men in black. when the kid goes back to his room to find his mother missing, there was that same smiley face, written on the wall in ash, and it also said, "Hello there"

it was so weird, like, a message from...something, somewhere? idk..just weird.
like, it was a message somehow meant for me to see. 

so after that, i watched a comedy, "father figures". it was kind of dumb, but at one point, they kept joking about poison..the girl poisoned his drink..poison..blah.

and he says, "oh the universe is calling"

well at the end of the movie, you see an apple phone, and it says Universe, is the caller. so it was katt williams who was saying, "It's the universe!" so it was like, the universe was speaking to me!??!?

then, he says, "Oh btw, the illuminati is real" and the movie ends. 

all throughout the movie, i kept thinking about how glenn close looks like a man, and christopher walken looks like a woman....

anyways, i have more bedbug bites. my bags are in bags now. gonna bomb them. i did not bring any of my clothes or bags into my house. i took hot shower. yeah, no, i am not bringing nasty bed bugs into my house! 



ALSO, in the second movie, father figures...they called glenn closes character "Lenny" and the one mother said, 'how is that man?"


then owen wilson goes into the restroom to pee, like a man? they say owen wilson....

FTM! and so is the other one. 

This article tho.

I think of the youtube lady who fell while stomping grapes.

anyways...

read it. maureen dowd (down?) ate an edible got too stoned!

https://www.thedailybeast.com/smoke-vs-snack-why-edible-marijuana-is-stronger-than-smoking

her article was what put these type of articles on the radar!

i didnt have a bad experience, par se, but i definately felt the delay, and honestly, i was high and moss kept talking in his super fast speak talk, repeating stories i was like "whoa whoa whoa slow your roll"

i felt the effects about 2 hours after i ate that pot brownie and he made it weird, but honestly, i still have a bag full of them, just next time take half!!! it lasted a good 4 hours, id say.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/take-that-maureen-dowd-i-ate-90-servings-of-thc-and-lived

Oh yeah

I am so tired! So, one of the after parties was at the House of Blues at MGM. DUHHH!! Moss is not fun, I mean, of course after parties will be at MGM! I mean, Mandalay Bay, oh if that was the case, that's all the way on the other end of the strip...oh, so we wouldnta known, (that is how moss says wouldn't of..."wounta" 

gwen was there and sang hollaback girl. daww....whatevers. 

oh yeah there were alot of ftms in the crowd during the free shows. i recognized the features...no sloping back forehead and miniscule brow ridge. like a female. JT in fact, has the same kind of browline that I HAVE! such as eminem and many more...

Monday

well we are still in vegas and i do not know why???? i mean, i am over it!! i want to do vegas up, but my way! i did it MY WAY! such as, doing the half hour ferris wheel thing, and ziplining down fremont street, or or, the ice bar and the robot bar! vista bar seems cool too, with the windows which make it look like you are in dubai or paris etc. a few cirque shows would be nice such as ka and the beatles love show. some rides on the stratosphere as well as the space needle would be fun! dinner at the restaurant at the space needle, as a matter of fact! gwen stefani now has a show here, plus i have free tickets to magic and drag shows. so i will definately have to come back without moss, with my husband! or i dont know? but yeah, shrug.

so yesterday, what did we do?? so moss has credit cards, and there are specific places for him to go too and he will get back rebate checks whenever he wants, so he goes out of his way to find a shrimp cocktail or a clam chowder. So yesterday we drove a half hour or so out of the way to Boulder, Vegas, to this casino for shrimp cocktail. The casino was an old person casino, and they had a polka band playing. The shrimp cocktail was just average, cold shrimp and cocktail sauce. Shrug...

so we got back, and walked to check out the MGM, where the ACMs were performing. we did not have tickets this year. the line was huge! there were so many people dressed up to attend the awards show. i was glad i was not going, because it would be a pain to wait in line for so long and to be standing in heels. i always get blisters from heels. im probably getting the wrong kind of heel. need some loubs. but yeah...so, that's that. idk...no, we walked back to the room and just got in our bathing suits and went to the pool and hot tubbed it. much more comfortable that way. after we went back to the room, the day before i had half an edible, and it didnt affect me much, so she left her hard candys in the room. so i took a full hard candy. i didnt notice it at first...i was just making some videos and i made a drink, she also left a bottle of ciroc vodka. well, we were going to go out to eat. while standing outside, i noticed the thc kicked in. i felt it. ohhh boy. it came in waves, like...i definately felt it tho. we went to carls jr, the drive thru, and brought it back to the room so we can watch the acms on tv. we were sort of watching it, moss wanted my dad to set up the tablet to record it for live stream on west coast. that edible crept up on me. im not good with edibles. yesterday it was not like that tho!! it made me feel super tired, so i tried to lay down and sleep, but i really was not able too. i just let it ride..let it be...i made some more drinks tho. sarah and sandie came by and we watched the show. i was hoping to get into some parties. i mean, moss swore we would get in. he said, 'with kyle we will be able to get in for sure'. (kyle's clients are all country stars), problem was KYLE LEFT! and his son...well, his son txtd moss back and said he was not able to get us into any parties. I had a feeling. sucks. i was still high, but i made a few drinks to try to take the edge off. sarah and sandie wanted to do something too, so we just went to losers bar and hung out there. we had some drinks, sat at the table, then sandie left but we stayed and danced. moss wanted sarah to go back to the room, shh...she told me she didn't want to stay with moss. so as we were gonna go, she just disappeared. she told moss we left her there, but that is not true, because i let her know we are going to sleep and to come with us, plus there room was at luxor!?? i mean, thats a far walk from mgm!?? but i get it, she didn't want to stay with moss. i mean, i understand. i didnt tell moss tho. why? hes oblivious anyways. it would of been nice to try to get into a party. im sure mgm had some private parties, and hard rock, but how do you even find it? and even so, you would have to sneak in somehow. i'm upset because the things i thought was going to happen this wknd, did not. i knew it was going to be this way. i mean, there really was no reason to even be here?? like, why??? it's goofy. the motorcycle ride..nope. top golf? nope. acms? nope. acm after parties? nope. and i cant even find shit to do in LA because we are staying here another night!?? idk...i might do tahoe tho, because i have never been, and it will be celebrity golf tournament. but we have to do it up! idk...lol. so this morning, sarah and sandie dropped their bags off, they are flying out tonight. moss and i went to meet his host at hard rock, where he bought us lunch at pink taco. we ate outside. his host is cool, kind of looks like KEVIN!!! but yeah, i had the pink taco, which was crispy and made out of beets. a host gets payed to take their clients to lunch. moss was pondering about his comps, so later scott showed us on a screen how much moss spent, one time he did spend 2000.00, or 150.00 a hand, but he was actually comped what he was spending. the more you bet, the more you get comped! that's what! a vegas host would be an interesting job. there should be a reality show based on it.

we walked around hard rock, looked at the same otis plane peice we always look at, and went back to the room. i took a nap in the comfy bed, moss joined sarah by the pool. then i woke up and decided to head to the pool myself. i got some sun. then i came back here now here i am. 

on the agenda, lotus of siam for dinner. i want to go to the top of the stratosphere and i really want to go to the neon light museum!! 

we will see tho. im not sure if the museum gives back refund checks, or rebate rather. moss has so many credit cards, each for different things. i need to fix my credit. 


so, right then, sarah and sandie showed up and i stopped blogging ! but yeah, we layed out by the pool, lazy day. i napped. um...moss and i went to pink taco..i wrote that. sarah and sandie (sandy?) left. um...lotus of siam dinner.

i wanted to do things but we went for dinner around 8, well first i googled free things to do in vegas..oh! 

the praying mantis! this garden tour at bellagio. crystals. i suggested all that. moss said the volcano and wynn. 

after dinner, i was just super tired. we did go to bellagio prior dinner, and looked at this zen garden display, went to see if the volcano was going to go off, (it did not, due to wind)...ate the food action bronson had on vice for lotus, very good food, so tired. just came back to room.

i wanted to see the fire-breathing praying mantis and the free light show at fremont. oh well.

it feels nice to soberly blog on my own bed in my own room in our suite.

oh also, the bed bug bites make it look like i have scabies. gross. also, i think they no longer want me at parties since i keep talking about them all being trannys.

its ok, i do not have a problem with transgenders. i have no prob with that at all.

i am open minded, and i think its cool. do you, you know?

the prob i do have however, is deception. i truly feel that men portraying women, well, men on hormones, creates a beautiful woman. i think these celebrities are mind controlled and have MPD and they truly may believe they are real women in fact.


right now, i keep reading this shit about hilary and huma abadeen. its fake, but its so chilling.

anyways yeah....

On todays menu

Today is a more layed back, let it be kind of day, thank goodness. It's the heel of the trip. On the agenda, LUNCH! lotus of siam dinner. Possible watching the acms, or getting in? And trying to score an AVN after party, take some pics with country stars (i would like too!), maybe get an open bar at a party. THAT would be ideal. I ain't stressin it. we will see how the day unfolds. 

but for now, FOOD! and then probably hot tub for a bit. my feet are much better but a hot tub soak would help! 

:)

I forgot to embellish on a few things with the last blog. I mentioned how last night, Sarah's friend, Sandie popped up to kind of save Sarah from the blight plight of Moss. So, while standing next to them, (maybe Sandie just was too oblivious to recognize me, someone she just met the day before?) nonetheless, I heard her tell Sarah, "Oh, I saw him looking for you," (I think she thought sarah ran off from him, which she did not, since she ended up back with moss later), but actually no, sandie, moss was not looking for sarah, he was trying to get a better view of Jake Owen..WOOHOO!! but yeah, then i heard her say, "you're too good for him"...like, she thinks moss is weird. i mean, her friend is dating a guy who has other girls staying in his room. yeah, thats kind of creepy. i totally get it. but heres the thing, moss is not sleeping (sex wise) with us. ugh i shudder to type that. no, not me and no NEVER! never will happen, but he doesnt want me like that either. hes like my brother and it would be weird we are very good friends. and nothing happened with vanessa when she stayed over or i would of known. i got no vibe from her that she likes him in that way, maybe she was using him. i do not know her story. but i totally get where sandie is coming from. i didnt tell moss what i heard, and even if i did, he would be too oblivious to let it sink it. sarah likes moss, moss likes sarah. that is their relationship, then so be it! moss is a crazy weird character and she likes him. im happy for them! 

vegas

Good morning! Tosh is right, the best part of rich, and poor, people's alike..ummm...the best part of the day, for the poor AND the rich, is SLEEP!!! yes, a good nights sleep! I agree, and when you are on the west coast, it is just so damn easy to fall asleep. Not when I am back home tho. When I am in NJ, I get insomnia and just have trouble falling asleep. Here tho, it's so easy. Of course, I am still on east coast time. I wake up around 9 here too, which is nice. As I lay in my own room, before I decide to rest, I think about all the folks here trying to do up Vegas. Vegas is 24 hours, so people are still doing it up come 4 am, I'm sure! It would be interesting, to get up early and go to a bar, any bar..at 6 am, and just people watch. See if there are drunk asses still ordering drinks at 6 am. See, I would do this stuff, if I had my partner in crime!!! I do have to come back with my future partner, and do up Vegas. I mean, for myself, here is what I would have on MY Vegas agenda!!! I would definately try to get a suite somewhere, maybe with a pool! AHHH!! Airbnb? Idk, suites are nice tho! Room service! Or cook and make videos for youtube. Make some asmr bath videos, idk. We would drive a bit out for a helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon, and we would get a drink at a brothel. Would we partake in the services? Anything NON sexual...I would approve of. LOL! Or maybe...??? I'm open-minded. HA! I'd just have fun, and experience Vegas in a way I have NEVER experienced Vegas, in all the times I have been out here! I don't even know how MANY times I have been here. Let's see, it was back in 2007, I believe. We drove out, or something. It was with Anand Jon. He was invited to the opening of Beauty Bar, in Vegas...so Courtney drove us in her car, it was me, her, this other girl Holly, and Anand. We drove out here, and we stayed at this nice mansion. His friends mansion, which is weird because years later I was back at that very mansion, that guy was friends with Eddie and Mindy...and it was the same mansion that I stayed at years before!?!Courtney, Holly and I stayed in an extra bedroom downstairs, and we did go to the Beauty Bar opening. I tried finding images on google, but I could not. I just looked in the mirror right now in the bathroom, I can definately see how much I have aged since 10 years ago. 10 years ago I seriously still looked super young. I can definately see myself aging. And, in another 10 years, I will have aged even more. It doesn't matter, I want to be happy and fulfilled in 10 years. Yes, I worry about my appearance, and it is hard to while at a city such as Las Vegas, where beautiful women run rampant..but these are women who go out to the 9s...heels, dress, hair, makeup, all...on...FLEEK!!! I can't afford that right now! Breast implants, psshh. You think I can afford that??? I wish! Let me get back on topic...so yeah, when I am in Vegas, I would go to a Cirque show, of course! I have too! I have free tickets for magic shows and fun stuff. Moss is kind of boring, well..he is! I mean, yes, I like concerts. Maybe I will ask Scotti or Sherry if they want to go to a Britney concert at the sands when I get back. I have to go tho!! See, I would attend a Britney concert! Red hot chili peppers, Guns N Roses...all concerts I would attend. JT was cool tho, but, as I was saying, we were all really high up. Oh, what else would I like to do in Vegas...yes!! I would do the rides on top of the stratosphere, then eat dinner, its the space needle in vegas. I would do the neon light museum. there is also some horror type museum too which looks super cool. I would do ATVs, (I saw a sign for that)...I mean, Vegas is fun you just got to look for things to do, or not. Just sit out on the balcony and people watch! 3 days is enough tho! We are here for 5 days! 5 days!??!? WHY!??!?!? today is the last full day. If  I didn't fly to LA, I would be leaving tomorrow. Tonight is the ACM awards...

So, the Justin concert was decent. As I said, we were hanging out in someones booth. It was very nice of Vanessa and Sarah to get me a drink. Vanessa is really crazy/wild. She could be in a reality show actually. Sarah is really cool. Well, like I said, I think Vanessa was drunk, just a bit. Just a bit. She was drinking all day, basically. She kept repeating herself about getting her plane back. Right before the show ended, we slipped out of there. Yeah, we were not there for the full show. It's vegas, people get restless and want to dringle, (drink and mingle). at the spa, she gave me a hard candy, (thc infused) it was good. i could use one now actually. you smell weed every once in a while. its legal here. last time we went to a dispensary.

so yeah, people get bored and yeah, i was watching the concert, but we left and led vanessa back. losers bar, where some country stars were set to perform, was at mgm  and the signature was right there. so, once we got by losers, sarah told me to just show her to where her bags are and if anything just walk off. vanessa kept expecting moss to bring her to the airport. moss was saying he doesnt owe her anything. she basically just found a nice room to stay in for one night, she had a free meal at margaritaville..from moss...idk? i just am as confused and clueless as everyone else tho. i mean, sarah was rightly confused as to how moss knew her. moss says they have a cool relationship, but to be honest, i do not think moss wants a relationship. he digs sarah, yeah. he likes her. of course, but then, why try to call and hit up other girls? why have girls stay with you in your apartment in LA? why pay for your best friend forever to fly out for numerous trips? i mean, I appreciate it, but yes i can see how this is all very weird!??! i truly believe moss just wants a moss posse. he wants to look like some kind of hugh hefner!?? LOL!!! (oh yeah i thought to myself that we are some kind of charlies angels, moss with his cow pimp jacket, and then sarah, the blonde, vanessa and i. thats what i thought , later sarah called us charlies angels. ITS SO WEIRD! )

but yeah, so I brought her to where her luggage was, but she was still trying to call moss for a ride to the airport. finally, i saw moss emerge from the elevator, so i just tried to say HEY im gonna walk with you to the bar...i was going to go back to the room, but i didnt want to be stuck helping out that girl anymore...she knew what she had to do. get her luggage, uber a ride to the airport. easy peasy. (i felt bad because she was nice to me and bought me drinks and stuff) she was expecting moss to give her a ride, but he was not entitled too. she invited herself to our room really. she got free things out of it, she had a free lunch, a free place to stay, she had a free time at the spa, she did pay for her justin ticket tho,,,i mean, i felt bad. it was like we just ditched her much like a dad does when trying to release a baby bear which grew big enough to find its way back into the forest (synch i just heard the forest on this show which is on the tv, it just said the forest)....and we were walking ,and she called out for moss...we didnt stop walking, we saw her gesturing with her hands and all moss did, (in his cow jacket and cowboy hat garb and cowboy boots), was do a strong good bye...wave, but not a flitting wave, just a wave sort of like a salute, and he said, "bye have a good trip" and we walked away, leaving her befuddled, drunk and confused...
so my feet were hurting! i was wearing cowboy boots myself, but i was blistered and in pain.just from all the walking we have been doing out here. I ended up wearing my khaki green jumpsuit thing, i wanted to wear my buffalo checkered pink and black jumpsuit, but i didnt have a belt. i also had my hair up in a ponytail. granted, i think i looked cute, but i didnt look hot hot like all the other girls at the JT concert and at the casino bar. so we went to Losers, where they were having a free country show there. we were able to trickle out to the casino to see them play too. i took alot of video.
It was one of the party for a cause parties..heres the link to pics from last night: https://www.gettyimages.com/event/big-loud-featuring-jake-owen-chris-lane-jillian-jacqueline-and-morgan-wallen-775153297#/musician-jake-owen-performs-during-big-loud-at-losers-bar-in-the-mgm-picture-id946528562


it was jake owen, others. if you see behind them that was the casino and that was how we were watching. another concert to endure....sigh. moss bought us drinks, cokes and tonic waters, where we dumped in our airplane liquors. a real drink is about 13.00 while a juice or soda is 5.00. we met jordan, kyles son...to be quite honest, he hardly looked at me or talked to me, i felt an unfriendly vibe but really he was just boring...moss kept talking to him and i was trying to follow but my eyes glazed over in boredom. i felt like a kid stuck in a convo her dad was having with another fellow adult. then i thought, well maybe he doesnt want to be nice to be because he knows of my mean blogs about moss. ha! no, i dont know...but it was very hard to keep myself entertained and amused. sarah and i were drinking our drinks, but even so, i mean, what can you do? i mean, ok, kyle has clients who are big time country singers. kyle knows them all. they do the transportation for all the instruments and touring...oh oh oh..so you know how moss told me about the motorcycle ride with the stars? kyle told me himself, that that charity event was cancelled this year, someone died or something. i will have to look it up. the one thing i was looking forward to, the one thing that made me decide to come out here to begin with, was cancelled! kyle is supposed to help us get into the after parties tonight, but somehow i dont think that is going to happen, seeming as he flew home!?? which is fine, he can do what he wants, i am not expecting anything, but it is MOSS who makes it seem a way in which its not. he does this all the time, why havent i learned my lesson??? he says things to get me out here. the cowboy hat he got me is way too big for my head and its not even scalloped, which means curved in, like the way a cowboy hat is supposed to be. he payed me back in 2.00 bills. we were supposed to do top golf yesterday. that did not happen. so last night, Abbey (yes that is her name!?? no wait, its sandie! yes, sarahs friend is sandie), sarah said they were to get there. sarah, moss, jordan and i were standing, (after joking with the hot cops on watch out there), standing and watching the first singer, jake owen..perform. then i saw sarah txt and i see sandie appear. she barely said hi to moss, she didnt even say hi to me, even tho i was standing right there, she grabbed sarah and dragged her into the abyss. i could figure the txt convo, "come save me!" and voila, saved! whatever, it didnt bother me, cept moss is just so clueless as he struts super slow with ape-like strides with his arms that he extends so far out when he walks, i hate walking by him because im worried one of his long arm strides will hit me while i just walk swiftly and try to go unnoticed, he enjoys the attention his jacket brings him. sarah eventually did come back to sit and hang by the slot machine, watching the show. despite having strong drinks, things got boring and well, i became tired. i said i was going to walk back to the room, instead i went into the club to watch the rest of the show INSIDE the bar. i also wanted to try to get a pic with them, because i thought of how people back home want to see pics of me and country stars. moss came in and i said that person was singing along with warren...(up down singer), but moss asked him and he nodded his head no. i was not trying to be a star-struck lingerer, i just said that guy was on stage too. im not really aware of who these people are anyways. i was just thinking of april and terry who would like to see pics with country stars. oh, also, i kept using the restroom and i saw a perfect opportunity mirror for a selfie. so, on the way out one of the times, i was going to take a pic, and yes im aware of how boring and bloated belly I look. i gained weight and my belly is huge, im not pregnant im just fat. i dont have a nice ass nor do i have huge breasts to distract from my fat belly. i was not wearing the most appealing outfit. i didnt take a selfie pic because i felt silly and i wanted to snap one before anyone else did. i thought about how, when april and i were at the sands in bethlehem, we walked to the restroom by the club, i was going to head out and these two girls were snapping selfies. i thought about how i always see sage snapping a selfie in a public bathroom, so i told myself, 'its a thing' shrug. people snap bathroom selfies. well right when i did that, i heard, "WOO SELFIE!" it was a group of slutty dressed women, hair extensions, visible foundation face and fake eyelashes. and THEN, this one woman decided to check herself right in that mirror, with her saggy, (yeah they were saggy), boobs hanging out her cleavage dress, so i just put my phone away, feeling red faced and disgusted at people. this is why i dont like this shit. this is why i want to avoid shit like this when i am not on my A game. i can look hot, sure! but not when my hair falls flat and all that. the one woman goes, ((well first they say, no take a selfie! I said "I wasnt going to take one because i knew people would see me. what i should of said was, "HEY Can i take a selfie with all a yall? then yall can see who im talking about in all their glory! saggy boobs and all! i need to stop being so sensitive, if i was more drunk shrug(i say women cuz they looked like women, not girls), she says, "Oh is that a squidbillies tattoo?" and they all complimented me and i said, "thank you" feeling like such an exhausted player in this game of tryna-bes...i was just fucking tired...but that was before i went in the bar to watch them perform. i told moss and sarah i was heading back, but thats because i was tired and i figured they wanted to spend some alone time..well, i didnt end up leaving i just decided to go into the club, before they let me in, these older blonde women who were also done up, were arguing with the woman bouncer,they were all arguing i really wanted to use my phone to record it. so after it was all done, moss was inside to pay the bill, i see sarah and jordan, so naturally ,i was like "hey what are you guys doing" (just a question, i was NOT trying to invite myself with them), he goes, 'getting a drink and then going to bed" (the way he said it was like, 'im just going to sleep so no, you dont have to come with us" i just pointed out that moss was inside. fucking rude. sarah said getting a drink. thats fine. i dont care! i just wanted to get a slice of pizza and go to sleep! everything is confuzzling with moss. well after moss payed the bill yeah i had a slice of pizza at that food court. then sleep now im here. morning time, sunday.

moss just showed me two acm tickets his host got him. but it says, 'if they CANCEL, these are yours." so it doesnt even mean its our tickets!?? ALSO,  the show itself is basically just another concert!??! its the after parties id like to get into, but kyle isnt even here so, how that gonna happen? I mean, it can....but...im over it. im fucking OVER! IT!
im hungry!! LUNCH PLEASE!!! moss wants shrimp cocktail. oh moss...enough! ok? just,. ENOUGH!

Saturday

So, it is Saturday, actually it is Sunday. I wrote about Thursday night, and about how we went to that jewish buffet...friday friday friday. so on the drive, almost to vegas, moss tells me about this girl, vanessa. he said he met her and they were hanging out, but they got in a really big argument, he didnt tell me why. (I asked later and he still didnt tell me)..so, Moss wanted to leave an hour and a half earlier to get a good table for Margaritaville lunch with Buzz Brainard. I got ready and I just walked to meet him there. He kept telling me to hurry. When I arrived, I saw Sarah there, and Moss introduced Vanessa and Kyle to me. We ordered lunch, I ordered fish tacos and a margarita. Sarahs friends joined us. I thought her one friend, (i forget her name)..she was nice idk. but yeah so buzz went around interviewing tables. so sarah spoke and so did moss. we enjoyed our meal and we got pictures with buzz. idk...i wasnt sure what was going on. so, I learned that Vanessa was going to stay in the room with us. Um...ok? See, I do not care what moss does...and I told him this, I do not care what he does...just, dont drag me into it! I didn't really want to share a room with someone I just met..I mean, I really am  baffled. Doesn't Moss realize that this is the exact thing I really do not care about? sigh...so, after lunch we headed back to the room...? oh I thought we were going to go to the pool and hot tub, but moss said sarah was going to stop up. So, I figured, I would wait to to make a drink with them. Vanessa went down to the pool. Well, first we all had a drink on the balcony. but we were waiting a very long time for sarah. oh...i think, after buzz, yeah we just walked around. moss was wearing his cow jacket and ppl approach him like hs is some kind of movie star? well eventually sarah and her friend stopped by. she made me a mixed drink and it was really good and we had two shots of red headed slut or something. but then moss kept making a big deal about getting to our dinner on time. why am i writing this? why am i sharing this juicy, whatever it is? i mean, why does moss have some other girl staying in our room? and...sarah is his...girlfriend? i have no idea but this is very weird and i feel weird about all this. why??? but yeah so, last night, sarah just took off with her friend and moss and i went to eat...we went to get clam chowder at orleans. i asked him to get me a glass of red wine, since that drink sarah made me was quite strong and i was feeling good, but moss didnt want too so i just had water. i wanted to hang out with sarah and then we were supposed to go to losers bar. well, actually no, we had tickets to go see tosh comedy show. so instead of sarah he brought vanessa and i so we went. i think she might of thought we had backstage passes? i couldnt figure out why she was staying in our room or what she thought we were going to do, but its quite boring and nothing exciting happening with moss. we saw tosh he was funny but i get tired sitting...after that we were going to meet them but we went back to room. i was super tired and i slept on the couch i know moss doesnt want sarah to know vanessa slept in the bed, but she did. its cuz i was on couch this is my bed!! i cant believe moss really did think all these people were going to stay in this suite. i told moss before he got me a ticket that i cannot handle that and i cannot be around people too long! he said ron was going to stay with us, brandon...i guess he wanted kendra to come out to vegas!?? WOW WTF MOSS? hes a creeper. and im involved huh? I mean, this is so weird....why did he need me here tho??? but yeah, he wanted kendra, i guess vanessa, to stay in the room too?  i mean...my cousin april wanted to come to vegas, she aint missing out. april keeps msging me thinking im having such a great, fun time. um no im really not!??? im having a very confusing time, as to why am i out here? why does moss continuously invite me on these trips??? moss moss moss....tsk

so we didnt do anything. went to sleep. TODAY!!! so moss and i went to dennys for breakfast, then we checked out hard rock of course, and went to other casino...lots of walking. vanessa was at the pool when we got back. we asked her if she wanted to go to the hard rock spa and she said ok so we got dropped off there. vanessa is super funny and outgoing, she bought us mimosas and wheatgrass juice. we went in the saunas and the big turkish bath. we were there for two hours. then moss picked us up and we went back to room. well moss and i got in and out for lunch. he didnt get her anything because she already got a free stay at our room ??? i dont know. again, so weird!??!

so, vanessa got a ticket for JT. the tickets were in my name, two tickets. we met sarah there. so vanessa had row seats and sarah and i had tickets for hyde, which is the club above t-mobile, overlooking the venue. t-mobile was where the show was last year, when brandon and i went. well anyways, so we were at the club and sat at some chairs. sarah got me a beer, i feel bad not having money. sigh...but yeah vanessa somehow managed to make it up to the club and we met her. we had another drink at the bar then found a place to sit. it wasnt long before we figured out that everything was closed off and basically we couldnt even see the concert. it was like being in a club when ya dont have money for drinks and also hearing a concert occurring but not able to see it!?? vanessa was sitting next to some people she met at one of the closed off spots. sarah and i found  a spot to hang at overlooking the concert but vanessa msgd us to go back there. it was way high and hard to see the concert. ah, concerts. i am so not a fan. it was pretty...shrug. justin sang all his hits, but you know...not a big deal. im just not really into concerts, UNLESS i have a comfy seat etc and its a show i want to see, or a festival. but yeah..it was good...just...yeah. so vanessa kept repeating about how she needed to get her plane etc etc etc....

so...............more later. im fucking tired and i feel so exposed, blogging like this.