Hurricane Sandy (and fergie)

oh my gosh...so halloween is a time for the stars to 'get dressed up'....alright. sigh....anyways lets see...

fergie. she dressed up like lindsey, cat, and angelyne. ppl 4get she was on the mickey mouse club too. so, shes 37. 37 my gosh, used to sound old. you know? almost 40! well guess what!??!! in 3 years, IM GOING TO BE 37!!!??! WHAT!! are you serious!?? alright the thing is, i know lots of women who are in their 30s who do not have kids. thats fine. i mean, most ppl have kids in their early 20s. i dont have any kids. i want kids. ok? and i know its harder the older you get. i want a kid BEFORE i am 40!! heck yes! i will be a good mother! smh SHAKING MY HEAD!!!

37 is old tho! right!???!

so everyones talking about sandy. guess what. IM NOT! if the electricity goes out it goes out. damn!

ok heres pics of ferg. oh i'll put some pics of saturday we all went to riverside. i was courtney stodden. then i wonder to myself, WHY was i dressed up as some beta sex kitten whatever?

scott was over, the goons party was cancelled and marta cancelled her party shindig, so we were just going to go to riverside. apparently there was another party in harmony but whatever i wiill post pics later but im upset because i left my cell phone in the truck anyways it means i missed out good pics at riverside. michael myers was there mike saw him kept talking about him. so we were sitting at a taBLE inside michael myers is outside hes tall too super tall, he walks up to the window where mikes back was and just stood there. PERFECT PIC! which i missed out on bcuz i didnt have my CAMERA! also another guy was a camera, a big digital camera he would take a pic and there was a big screen behind him and it showed the pics like a viewfinder. he took pics of mike scott and i. i looked good so i asked him where can i view the pics he said give me your email address so i went to write it down and he was gone. he didnt even wait for my email address. what a weirdo! weston and larinn showed up but mike was being crabby of course. he wasnt drinking so i suggest we head back closer so he doesnt have to worry about driving. oh yeah mike had a chicken sandwich. so we all go to pickled egg. we were all having a good time except of mike who was just sitting there not talking he said he had stomach pains from the chicken (chicken breast sandwiches will do that to you that is why i never order chicken when i go out to eat. i just bake my own chicken at home or if its chinese otherwise i NEVER order chicken) well so mike walked home fine we all stayed and weston kept getting rounds of shots. it was fun we were all doing shots etc but we were the last ones at bar so we all left. weston and laurin went home we got some beer scott and i we walked back i woke up mike (who was sleeping) and we watched that sick adam sandler movie, 'thats my boy'. went to sleep.

i didnt want to wake up today i dont feel like writing anymore! i'll post pics later here is fergie tho

druggie/(she was)/older sex kitten (via angelyne) lindsey druggie now

from article http://blog.music.aol.com/2012/10/22/fergie-crystal-meth-oprah/

(everyime i see fergie i think, big girls dont cry)

Tasos Katopodis, Getty Images In the latest episode of "Oprah's Next Chapter," Fergie comes clean about her battle with a crystal meth addiction during her pre-Black Eyed Peas days. The songstress divulged the details of her struggle and how she eventually managed to sober up and turn her life around.

At the lowest point of her addiction, the now-37-year-old singer was doing meth daily and almost died, weighing in at just 90 pounds. "It can make you crazy," she tells Oprah.

After almost a year on the drug, Fergie hit rock bottom. "My brain had been playing a lot of tricks on me," she reveals. I thought the FBI was after me. You're kind of living in this alternate reality. It's very strange ... There was a dancing ninja that was on my balcony ... My mind was going some places."

"I started getting really paranoid," she continued. The singer found herself in church one day, hiding out from what she believed was the FBI hunting her down. "I had a conversation with God ... and I said, 'If I go out there and the FBI and the SWAT team's not out there, then it's the drugs and I'm stopping,'" she promised her "higher power."

what did britneys nanny see?

http://truthfrequencyradio.com/britney-spears-former-nanny-to-testify-in-trial-about-how-the-singer-was-manipulated-by-handler/

hi

so, real quick...i am concerned about lisa because her ex, dean, has been sniffing around, msging me on fb etc trying to get info or trying to have me pass msgs to lisa. i'm like, "she is GETTING. MARRIED. ok?"

he's like, "i love her and she is the only one i will ever love. i want to marry her and have her kids"

sounds psycho to me! lisa at one point DID want to get married to him, have kids etc, but he never wanted too. lisa met matt and started cheating on dean with matt. end of story. she lives with matt, she is engaged to matt, she loves his kids!

dean needs help if he still thinks he has a chance with her! get over it dean seek help! therapy! its not healthy OR normal to be so stuck on someone. i think what it is is it was so sudden. lisa and dean would break up so many times but get back together. break up and get back together, until finally lisa did NOT get back with dean. this hit him hard. how could this be? they were together all the time, through all the fun times, laughs, fights and farts!?? they loved each other so much that lisa cheated on him! ughh whatever!??!

but now dean is bugging me, texting me telling me he still loves her!!?? i just told him, "maybe the reason why you are stuck on her is because it hit you hard and you were not prepared for it. maybe it has to do with something you are not able to deal with within yourself' (i was trying to play psychologist, also another friend was telling me about a private boarding school too. i am interested in psychology..

anyways, dean is scaring me because he knows lisa is getting married and i know he knows its coming up soon too. he reminds me of one of those stalker types that might end up snapping tho. he sent me screencaps of texts lisa sent him, but tbh, it looks like its all just HIS texts!??! actually i just looked back and read them, it was LAST year not a few months ago! sept 2011..

clearly lisa was drinking and she was remembering love she once had for him, but things change! its not healthy to be so distraught about breaking up with someone!!!

its borderline psychotic! i mean, i know how it is to love someone, (actually, i forget any past relationships, i mean, i have been in serious ones, but not like, to the point where i am heartbroken and cant function without them! i've moved on, as im sure they have too)

i wouldn't date a guy who got that way about me anyways its kind of weird...and scary!!??! you know? plus im me and no guy would get that way about me anyways! im not worth it! ha

i love mike and we go through our issues and ordeals. he is in my life still but there will be a point where either i move back in or he is just not in my life anymore. if i ever want to get married and have kids, well, i do want that, but it will be impossible too unless mike wants to get married but will i be happy? will i truly be happy? and i am sick of hearing moss say to me, "sure be with a guy who is physically and emotionally abusive" i hate when he says that because moss does not understand! he thinks im a weakling making excuses for abuses and beer battered onion rings. Mike wants to be with me but he needs me to get a job and so do I!! I need a JOB! i cant do this any longer THIS which is freaking nothing but being a fucking loser on the damn internet all day! i cant wait for lisas cruise ship wedding to be over so i can focus on getting a job, (so i dont get one then tell them i need to take off 10 days)...and i need my car back!!!

my eyes hurt from looking at this screen!!! ughh i need a break! i dont know if i am going to the masonic ball tomorrow in fact i dont know if im going to even bother getting a costume. i really dont have any money anyways. maybe i will get a wig and stuff and wear a dress but i feel fat and ugly.

what else? WHAT ELSE!???! hmph

hmm..i dont know? jimmy always wants to hang out but i dont want to hang out with him. im not on the same level with him, hard to have conversations with him then he gets drunk and starts hitting on me which is really annoying! IM BORED!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to get out of here!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

and im happy moss is in my life BUTTTT he is NOT the man i will marry! LOL!!! im sorry but i cant even attempt to picture that! lol! srzly tho...no!

i do miss california i need i need...i need to figure something out!! HELP ME!!!!

so yes i have a few options for this saturday too. im gonna get a costume, or wig. i want a wig! i want to wig out! i want a new look. i want to feel hot! i want to feel sexy! which means I NEED TO DIET AND WORK OUT! im capable of being attractive and well put together. right?

why not? :(

EDIT i need a break from this!

i just heard a loud engine outside parking, (its the dumb neighbors) every night at this time i hear a loud engine, but i just get flashbacks of when glenn used to come over, i would hear that loud engine of his truck and get that nervous excited feeling you know? cuz id be all showered and look good ready to go! (get the heck out of compton that is)....oh his old friend lorin actually msgd me on facebook about going out tonight but he said he was going to msg me at 8 and hasnt gotten back to me its 9 now. ahh i kind of wanted to get out and see someone from the past, chill and what not but its getting late and stuff. i dont want to get out at 11 id rather just...not. tomorrow is friday but i want to go to the witches ball! (i dont think thats going to happen tho. jimmy said he would go with me but my car aint working so now way to get there now)


i might as well drink rat poison and die. my friend came to look at my car too, well, i went to tech with him he was in auto shop. has two girls one is 16. im like, the only one that doesnt have any kids! i have nothing in fact! oh so today i was looking through lisas friends for ppl to invite to her party i added some old ppl from the past like this girl we went to church with. i had to delete my prior post or id look like a loser. i wrote, "my mom made perogies for lunch but i only had 4! still hungry, my dad reheated the spaghetti and cheese steak sandwich. ugh i cant eat like this!" yeah thats what i had for lunch. and for dinner, my mom made me a ham and cheese sandwich! how backwards. oh lorin msgd me back lets see whats up now

hes waiting for a phone call. i dont know if i want to go out. if i had my car id just drive there and hang out then come home. i might just tell him another night. idk? i just want to get a costume tomorrow (if i do that is) sigh life sucks now!! oh i got invited to another party but thats in philly..:/ the gasket goons one is cancelled. also marta invited me to her house too for a small little party as well.riverside is having one too. whatever mike wants to do i guess...shrug!

i wish i was 20 again when things were exciting! now everything just SUCKS! i should of had kids i should have children! wth!??? whats the point of my life?

doug draws an eye

im sorry i retract what i said about feeling a fondness for them, i dont! i got caught up in 'reality tv' which is merely an illusion. something is interesting about them but its just more than meets the eye.

here dog actually draws the eye (in other episodes you can see the word CAT on the wall too)

kristen ritter beebee girl

kristen ritter...

watch the clips on this blog (oct 23)

http://ispybutterfly.blogspot.com/2012/10/kristen-ritter-clips.html 

if you look at the access hollywood interview, she is even dressed like a bee.

the third interview, it says, 'the morning buzz' too..

lots of "b" associated with her (in tacky catsuit and ruby slippers)

grew up on a "beef" farm, james van der BEEK on her show dont trust the "B" in apt 23...(thers that number again)

beehive compartmentalizations

its so fake its so fucking fake! you see these actresess even HONEY boo boos, going on interviews interviews talk shows its so FAKE!!

they are all programmed to what they are going to say, surrounded by triggers keeping them on lock. 


she must of gotten alot of SRA in chittatinny pa or wherever, chittatingy pennsylvania...they call her a 'b' bitch, devil, rosemaries baby' always wearing her ruby slippers in every interview too

Taylor Swift on The View, Part 2 - The View

taylor swift in wonderland with cats polka dots leopard print triggers at 2:00 she looks tranced until barbara says, "words"

Taylor Swift on The View, Part 2 - The View

taylor swift in her wonderland with cats, polka dots, and butterflies.

tila talks about her experience

i feel she is being actually genuine here: (starting at 60 minutes)

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tilatruthmovement/2012/10/24/the-illuminati-has-responded-to-my-letter-must-tune-in

she talks about how they manipulated her, brainwashed her, and led her to drugs

Drew Barrymore

so i was looking for the scene from the movie, 'mad love' with drew barrymore, so that i could post it in the new occult and symbology group. ((same with the movie dreamcatcher, that i want to write about))....but for now i am going to put up symbolic pics of drew barrymore the scene where she is cutting out the eyes. i used to draw eyes all the time. i can find it if i watch the clips on youtube but i dont feel like it! not now at least. there are videos on youtube that show drew and her timeline, (i dont feel like finding it tho, its there)....oh yes i used to be like, i didnt believe ALL of them are mkd! like drew barrymore, she seems normal one would think, if you saw her in weho, (didnt she used to party there?) also, ashlee and jessica simpson. or that alexis chung or whatever!? come on! they arent all mkd surely childhood trauma happens and drew has been in the business since a very little girl, partying at studio 54 doing drugs, drinking cocaine at such a young age. clearly something isnt right.

later, the song, 'firestarter' played during her action scene on charlies angels. alter?

dopple/split personality

showing her butterfly tattoo

i used to love YM magazine and i remember this episode! this and alicia silverstone pink background reminded me of strawberry milk (ill do a blog post about magazine covers i liked later, now her hair reminds me too much of macaroni and cheese tho)

also loved JANE magazine! and sassy

daisys symbolize something..?

butterfly tattoo

duality with two face

good and evil/duality

she wasnt POISON IVY in batman, but she did play poison ivy

Saturday

i'll put a few pics up i took, and a link to the video (i have to link it or it shows a playlist)

this is when i looked at the sun

and here

here are a few pics i took.

oh this might sound stupid but in this blog tila says something about looking at the sun:

http://misstilaomg.com/tag/holy-grail/

of course this is not a smart thing to do, (duh!)

but i read a comment in that about how it is homeopathic. there is tons of information about 'sun-gazing'

such as this link:

 http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/health-benefits-of-sungazing/

ANYWAZE!....... so, it was dusk and i was taking pics as you can see, the sun popped out from behind the clouds, it was a white sun. it just peeked out to say hi, so i just glanced at it, and i was able to look into the sun, after 10 seconds a welcoming pinkish hue took over. tila was right, it did turn a pinkish hue. i thought it was nice, (but later i kept seeing yellow splotches everywhere) anyways...thats my story on that

here is the link to the abandoned office

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywrTUzzmBCg&list=UUZKLD8VIGMqBgO2W8NIKgzw&index=2&feature=plcp

more links

i still want to do my other blogs but im too lazy to now, im just reading DMT experiences. this is crazy! (like that stupid song and famous movie quote, "this is crazy!")

http://deoxy.org/h_dmtess.htm

i would be afraid! oh my gosh, i couldnt IMAGINE! so weird and scary!

i would like to do it and try to draw or recreate the experiences, or i will just read about them!

The DMT Experience, The Dreamtime, Alien Contact and the End of the Maya...

DMT

have been reading about DMT, a drug which makes you quantum hop into other planets/dimensions, see aliens, who knows?

heres a link:

http://miqel.com/entheogens/dmt_first_time_report.html

Halloween parties

This Friday is the witches ball, at the bethlehem masonic lodge. i want to go to explore! i need to find someone to go with me. i also need a costume! i didnt know these parties are coming up this weekend.

http://dba.ticketleap.com/3rd-annual-witches-ball/

then saturday is the hot rod haunt party

https://www.facebook.com/events/284960654953296/294826163966745/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity

courtney comments as valerie?

i have been watching couples therapy and i sort of have a fondness for doug and courtney, but i have noticed a few things. there is a word on the wall, which says CAT. there was also some cat wandering around and courtney sees it becomes distracted and says MEOW.

read the first two comments in this post:

http://thedirty.com/2012/10/how-does-courtney-stodden-forget-she-is-married/#comments

i am really hoping that something happens where the truth IS exposed! and none of this tila tequila info (even she suggested she could be a disinfo agent.) im talking, http://thedirty.com/2012/10/how-does-courtney-stodden-forget-she-is-married/#comments

2 posts to come

but i dont think im going to make them tonight. i just dont feel like it. its about symbolism in the movie dreamcatcher and also about the sun gazing and abandoned office, but i will do that tomorrow

a certain cemetary

you know, the other day i drove by a certain cemetary. this was on 519 once you pass the mall and walmart etc...(old walmart now theres a new super walmart). anyways, i went with my parents the other day we had taco bell for lunch and went to the mall where my mom got me some new clothes and converse (i wrote that tho remember?) we drove past this certain cemetary, and i recollected when i used to date glenn, anyways, first night we hung out he bought a 12 pack and he was impressed that i was able to finish a 6pack and still be cool. i was like, 20 when i started dating him, (like i have mentioned pleny of times). this was a start of a magical summer. ok see, we used to work together, at mcdonalds LOL! yeah we did so what! all of glenns friends and brother worked there too i remember. i was pretty quiet. there was to be a wedding, (a big girl named heather ((i think>??)) that worked there. she invited glenn (not me tho) so glenn needed a date. he asked me. later he told me it was either me, this short cute high school girl named kristen pickle (yes pickle!) and this other pretty high school girl named selena, or me. for some reason he asked me, (the quiet older weird girl?) who knows?!?? i dont! so i remember the first night we hung out. he actually turned his asking me to wedding to asking if i want to go to woodstock 99 with him. sure chyeah!!! so this was back when we actually had to purchase tickets AT ticketmaster, instead of online. so he asked me to go with him to the bridgewater commons mall so we can get tickets, so i was like, ok. so we went to mall (lovely mall in new jersey) so we got scissors. ((EDIT HAHA! SCISSORS! I was watching this movie about giant arachnids scarlett johanssens in it he said throw me the scissors i must of wrote scissors instead of tickets LOL) so we went to leave and we took a wrong way we saw signs for mahwah nj, we were like, wth is mahwah? we ended up there!?? NJ is weird. its a small state but its a vast state and believe me, there are SO many towns in nj that i have NEVER even heard of!??? weird towns!! i grew up in hunterdon and warren county, NOT the weird areas of nj....i grew up in flemington nj and then later phillipsburg. i do not know the rest of nj. we used to go to trenton for the dentist tho my dad was an art teacher then later computer teacher in trenton nj. he used to sometimes bring me to his school to hang out for the day. i know of mahwah now but after glenn and i left the mall we ended up there. it was dark too. we finally found our way back this was around 9 i believe. glenn asked if i wanted to get some beer. i was like, yeah ok! so his mother actually got us 12 pack of beer, (i forget what kind tho). so, he had a black pickup truck so he parked at the farthest spot in the driveway, right by the barn away from the house and he turned the radio on and we sat in the bed of the truck drinking our beer. we had really good conversation that night. it was nice. we eventually went to sit inside where glenn put the heat on and next thing we knew his dad woke us up when he was getting ready to go to work or something. i forget? his truck was running all night how we didn't die from fumes is a mystery? we didnt mess around or anything like that too. since it was early i was craving mcdonalds breakfast. (i love mickey d's breakfast!) i think it was a saturday tho im not sure why his dad was going to work? who knows? but it was like 7 am so we went to mcdonalds for breakfast//((BONUS STORY i remember i had a composition book when i was a kid and i would write short stories, game ideas, advice columns, etc and i asked my next door neighbour kristy to write in it. she wrote a journal entry and in it she said for breakfast her and her family had mcdonalds and then she went to the court so the man her mother was married to at the time could adopt her)...ok back to the other story. so we went to mcdonalds ((where we worked at in fact, mary anne saw us we went through drive through mary anne was an older nosy lady who thought she was a manager)) *ok i just saw a mark ryden post on facebook something about his artwork gives me a headache...its like. ultra saturated with MK ultra themes, i just cant look at his paintings without getting a headache*

anyways, we passed the aforementioned cemetary and i suggested going there. so we drove into the cemetary, (we were tired and a bit hungover too mind you) i wanted to lay down so we layed down in front of a grave. we layed on the grave.

i recollected this the other day when we were driving by that certain cemetary.


this was originally titled day after a hangover, so im going to go with that. i was hungover but i didnt sleep it off we had mcds for breakfast then napped on a grave. now tho...i get wiped out after drinking. friday mike actually hung out a bit, of course we just watched a movie, 'trick or treat' STUPID!!!! after that it was like 2 and he went to sleep. hes boring. yesterday i will post pics of my adventure but not now we took a walk and went inside this abandoned office it was cool. i gazed at the sun (more on that later tho)....

so mike said scott wanted to hang out but mike didnt want to drive to northampton.. we watched ghost ship and mike said we were going to go to westons so we did. weston was drinking but he seemed fine he asked our opinion about a new car he was deciding on a subaru or a cadillac we all agreed on a subaru. fixed some good drink with the rum from the islands. i had a coconut rum from the dewdrops of the islands (what i said) and a bit of the other rum with some cherry 7up and ice. it was good but got a little bit too saccharine. so we were all chillin and scott drove there too. so we were hanging out all of a sudden weston blasts like, madonna off his playlist on his mac. i think he was feeling the rum a bit too much. so next thing we know he got up mumbled some nonsensical wordings, and disappeared. the doors to his bedroom were closed so we all knew he crashed out. which was fine because we wanted to get some beer. so we went back to our house, (mikes) and we walked on over to the pickled egg to get some beers. mike had to check out the model of the week from the valley beat. i hate when he does that. so we went to the basement to watch youtube stuff. scott and i had our beers but mike didnt even make a drink. it was like midnight and stuff. i looked over and mike was laying down. hes so dull!! i hate it! why cant he just hang? you know? i could tell scott wanted to hang out but mike always falls asleep its annoying! i told scott about 'illuninati stuff' ((im going to make a folder for 'illuminati stuff' on my facebook soon but i need to compile more images)....but then mike really did fall asleep and therefore scott didnt really want to hang out i dont think he wanted to anger mike so scott said he was getting tired, (it wasnt even 2 am at that point) ppl cant hang, but i did want mike to wake up to hang out he didnt. so i went upstairs but of course mike was like a hawk and he didnt want me to stay up i had to go to sleep. hes so lame! anyways i am slightly hungover now and i just feel weak and sore. my muscles feel atrophied or something. after a shower i will feel a bit better tho.

thats all for now!

after a night of drinking, its good to soak your muscles, for they are sore. if a bath isnt feasible, just take a shower. the steam will open up your pores and help you. if you have access to a steam room that would work too. dress comfortably, sweats. even better, 'luxury' sweats. juicy is so 2005 but you can still rock them. take it easy. if you want to break a sweat take a light walk on the treadmill or even a light jog for 20 minutes. sweat out the remainders of a hangover like sammi sweetheart likes to do after a night of drinking. have soup. tomato, with homemade croutons. wear fuzzy socks. lounge around all fucking day. whine and complain about it. post on facebook, "im so fucking hungover fucknuts!" pee alot. take a shit, (believe me that helps too. get rid of those toxins) gross i dont care! it helps! just....consider NOT drinking! consider a life of sobriety, where you never wake up feeling hungover. you wake up at a good time, 8am, you actually go to church on sundays.  who knows?? damnet

torture wins

Melinda has been struggling financially for quite some time. She was exasperated and at the point where she just wanted to give up on life. She had a 3 year old child to take care of. Melinda has been getting some help from the state but as with hospital bills, car insurance, and rent all added up, she couldn't think anymore!

She was in line with her child, Scotty, at the pharmacy. She needed to get him his medicine because he had a very high fever. As always, she looked at everyone else in line, people coughing, senior citizens waiting for their countless meds, and random people picking up their Ortho Evra patch.

She looked at her trusting son. She was his mommy, the only one he knew that cared about him, took care of him, loved him, fed him. She was his world!

Arriving at the counter, a gloved hand slapped itself on the counter. She looked to see who it was.

"This is for you," the man said. He was wearing a hat and his hair was spilling out around it. When the gloved hand moved, she saw a business card.

"That was very weird," the girl behind the counter said.

Melinda picked up the card to examine it. It looked like it has some sort of website on it.

"I'd throw that out if I were you. That guy was scary," the clerk said.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

helio!

so i see that britney's nanny has seen horrific things regarding britney spears. she will be silenced. meaning she will not allow to spill any beans (not trying to put it that way, oh you know what i mean!) and britney is not allowed to spend really any time online, (its all monitored) but it can be dangerous if she saw all the information about her being an MK-Ultra disney slave. i hope this info comes out tho. you know??

it will. i have a feeling it will.

so.....i need a job! i like working, i really do! i feel good when i have an actual job, (not some stupid part time job without proper breaks and a full 8 hour day.) i want a REAL MOFOKIN job!

i want to have a cashier one for now, buy myself a good mac/photoshop/flash/illustrator/printer etc and start working on my creativity, maybe take more classes. email ppl about work. i have too! you know? i need to get out of this terrible rut i am in!

i need money tho which is why i need a job!

unemployment WILL run out and its not even alot. for real.

oh yeah almost forgot went to the mall yesterday with my mom she bought me some new clothes and a pair of chucks! so happy! i needed new shoes! today was mikes bday so he wanted me to come over so i made him dinner (got him gifts and a cake too) made chicken braciole (bacon,onion,garlic,and rosemary and breadcrumbs and egg stuffed chicken folded over baked in the oven in casserole dish with tomatoe and sauce. was good! watched friday the 13th

MUST..REFRAIN!!

oh so you know, i have been thinking..."why would i make a story about MK abuse?? why would i put up symbolic pics on my tumblr? why this and that?"

i have to say, oh, i had a dream where i went overseas, and i was walking in another country. i noticed i was in the sistine chapel, and i went into the room where michaelangelo painted. as soon as i went in there, i felt so weak, like i couldnt even stand. i started crying in fact. it was as if i was in the presence of God Himself! (i did pray out to God before I went to sleep. lately i have been praying alot. im just wondering about the end times. plus i do want God in my life.

but back to my posts and stories etc. im just tapping into the creative zone. i used to love return to oz, stories that help foster the imagination...(remember fosters home of imaginary...uh...whatever!??) now that i see these all had sinister undertones, its really terrible but hard to shake. i grew up loving unicorns, mermaids, mystical creatures you know? i dont know? but its that zone of awe, that zone of getting lost in a book, (i do want to read finding, i mean LITTLE nemo, ((never read that as a kid)), sometimes it is the things that SCARED you as a kid that made a home deep in the deep depths ((i cant type wow i was just making a bunch of typos! more so than normal which i am still doing)) hmm...

im still going to write. it doesnt mean anything! it means i am practicing my creativity.

ok so thiere is this hollywood type guy on my facebook. hes a handsome guy sure, he always posts pics of him with plasticy fake girls and parties. so im TEMPTED!! to post a few pics but i wont.

for the past two days he kept talking about sushi for dinner and a party...

cant wait! sushi for dinner!

finally today, HE POSTS THE PIC OF THE FANCY CALIFORNIA SUSHI! (and some sort of fancy california party by the pool)

like i said..i am TEMPTED to take the updates and pics, (i will block out his name) what do you think???

hmm??????????????

red room of mirrors

I had a bad dream, or was this a flashback? That I cannot say, for it might of even ben a suppressed memory. Which ever it was, it sent my heart racing and sweat releasing. I woke up, with much stress, when I glanced up and I saw horrible shadows in the mirror. Where was I? I must of passed out somewhere. There was a red tint cast throughout the room. As my eyes adjusted, I realized I passed out in someone else's dorm room. Oh yeah, party. Some sort of party. Well, I'm not going to stay here. I sat up, and saw I was laying next to a lump. Who? Well, it doesn't matter, I want to go back to my own bed! 

I tried to quietly escape, when I saw the lump started moving. "Oh, hey," it groggily spoke.

"Um, I'm just going to go," I tried to soothingly whisper, so that whoever it was could go back to sleep.

"No," it shot up. "No, wait." Then he grabbed me.

"NO!" I shouted out. 

"Becca, what's your problem", the voice asked.

"I'm leaving!", and I got up quickly and ran out of there. The hallway was lit but luckily no one was in the hall. I looked at my watch. 5:45 am. Damn! I hardly remember anything, and my head is pounding! I need some sleep. At least it is Saturday. Do I have anything going today? I do not know now, I can't even think!??!

"Becca!", I heard the voice call out from down the hall. "Why are you being such a bitch?"

I looked back. Blurriness started to set in. A familiarity of the voice brought me back to another world, then I passed out.

While I passed out, I must of had my flashback. I was a young kid. I was in a room, a dark lit only illuminated by a red bulb of dim light. It made it seem almost like blood. I could smell the copper scent of blood in fact.  The blood was coming from my nose. I could feel the caked up scabbing of a bloody nose. Who were these dark figures around me? They had me tied to a chair. I was scared but I could not scream. I could not cry. I felt frozen. I couldn't even move. My body ached, I felt drained of all senses. I lost track of time. 

"You are the blood red girl. You will follow the commands of the blood red diamond. You are programmed to stay awake."

They kept repeating this, over and over. I felt my body jolt into unconsciousness. I lost sense of everything. 

I woke up. I was bathed clean, and I was dressed in a nightgown and socks. Someone was holding my hand. It was still dark. It was still red. The voice was soothing. 

((weird that commercial was just on actually))

"Sleep, little one, sleep."

The unknown fairy godmother lifted up my little body, and layed me on a bed. A very comfortable bed full of blankets and pillows and dolls and stuffed animals. Then she closed my eyes gently with her hands and started reciting to me.
The voice was soothing. It was a woman's voice, echoing throughout the room, searing its words into my mind and my inner psyche.


"From breakfast on through all the day
At home among my friends I stay,
But every night I go abroad
Afar into the land of Nod.
All by myself I have to go,
With none to tell me what to do–
All alone beside the streams
And up the mountain-sides of dreams.
The strangest things are these for me,
Both things to eat and things to see,
And many frightening sights abroad
Till morning in the land of Nod.
Try as I like to find the way,
I never can get back by day,
Nor can remember plain and clear
The curious music that I hear."


I soon fall asleep, into a very deep sleep.

Then I awaken. The sun is shining through the window. I look at my watch. 11:25 am. I glance about my surroundings. It looked familiar, because it was. It was my dorm room. I start remembering bits and peices of the party the previous night. My day has begun.

The next time I had a flashback was a few weeks later. I was with my boyfriend, Justin. We were watching a movie. One of the scenes had some candles in the room, it was a red room. I felt nauseous. I had to get out of there.

"Becca?", he asked lovingly.

I was crying. I just had a terrible headache. "Justin, I don't feel so well. I'm going to go lay down."

"Here, wait for me." He got up to help me.

"I just...I just don't feel good." Everything felt painstakingly horrible. I just wanted to lay down. I noticed my vision became blurred.

I passed out before realizing I was even in my own bed. This is when I had the dream. I woke up, once again in that bed full of blankets and dolls and my friends. This time, I saw I was surrounded by mirrors. There was a red overcast, surrounding and enveloping the room. I looked around. I saw mirrors everywhere. I started seeing dark shadows emanate from the mirrors. I saw them take place in some sort of macabre movement. I started hearing voices, evil hideous voices. They started pounding at the mirrors, wanting to get out. I was terrified. I looked in the mirror, and I saw a reflection. It was a girl, with big, huge eyes. I saw her mouth curl into a silent scream. Then I saw the reflection smash. The last thing I knew, the shadow creatures have gotten to me.

howdy!

yawn1 ITS 235 right now! so you know, im tired but i do want to say, i am not going to allow anything any LACK of anyTHING et cetera!!! to bring me down. to bring down my spirit. i look at myself, and you know, gosh darnet, i like myself! i AM an interesting person, i AM nice, sweet, funny, and yes i AM ambitious! (i know being stuck without a path sort of deters)....i dont need to feel like some sort of LOSER!! i dont need to feel like im some sort of joke. you know? i dont need to feel like i dont matter!!

because you know something!!! i DO MATTER!!!

yes! i do!!!!!!!!!!! more later im tired!

and no im NOT going to just sigh and feel depressed and hate who i am and feel worthless or insulted or whatever NAH MAN FUCK THAT!!!

im just gonna be ME! and try to change for the better....

TBC..........................

costumes

www.partycity.com/product/adult+frisky+feline+sexy+leopard+costume.do?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=116862

im looking party city has lots of cute costumes. id choose a bodysuit cuz its warmer. oh but what about for the masonic ball? oh also, im going to an outdoors party so i want to be warm!!!

maybe i will do this one (its fuzzy because i cant save the images anymore) i saw this one on yahoo stupid costumes

http://www.partycity.com/product/adult+china+doll+costume.do?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=182862

maybe i will get a fairy costume for the witches ball

http://www.partycity.com/product/adult+fantasy+fairy+costume.do?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=116861

hey! olive oil (and its cheap)

http://www.partycity.com/product/adult+sexy+olive+oyl+costume.do?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=116858

poison ivy
 http://www.partycity.com/product/adult+poison+ivy+costume.do?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=116859

 these are hot sexy tv move costumes! (princess leia slave girl! then i can have something to wear to comic con!)

http://www.partycity.com/category/halloween+costumes/womens+sexy+costumes/sexy+tv+movie+cartoon+costumes.do

im gonna look damn good this year!! baby!! haha

http://www.partycity.com/product/adult+neytiri+costume+-+avatar.do?sortby=ourPicks&pp=60&size=all&navSet=116871

of course i can always be a boring witch!!

http://www.partycity.com/category/halloween+costumes/womens+sexy+costumes/sexy+witch+costumes.do

whatever i choose, im going to do a photoshoot wearing my costume! stay tuned!!!

sober

sober. so you know how i said moss said he can get me on the rehab show? yeah....he did. lately i have been considering it, so i asked moss to call dr drew. now he says to me, "

You just mail that check Wed. Fawn.

Drew wants people who want to get PERMANENTLY sober !!

ie...NEVER drink again. Never, ever

 

 (BTW - I still love you)

 

moss annoys me! the way he words things, pisses me off. he doesnt have to say , never drink again. NEVER EVER! shut up!

 

he also tells me about that taylor swift song, with me and mike. we are never ever ever getting back together WE

so i have felt very depressed. thinking back on my life, no good has ever, ever, ever came out of drinking. i like to tell myself i can be cool, chill whatever, but how can i be cool, chill, whatever, if im stuck drinking by myself? i used to hear that george thorogood song and i would be like, 'ugh why would you want to drink alone" i drink alone due to circumstance. like this saturday. mike made it seem like we were going to hang out so we bought beer. i hate when i end up drinking by myself because i do things i dont want to do, like drunk posting (who knows what cringe-worthy things i wrote, nor do i want to know!), or, i text and call ppl. pissed! then mike yells at me holds me down i get banned permenently i feel so depressed lost and alone, i even asked a question to that podcast thing, only to feel like a bigger loser because they say something about the strangers and creeps, (i have asked lots of questions about wanting to hear about the creeps but then to feel like one?) to feel like the sort of lonely, stupid, loser, alchohlic woman on the internet!??? ugh i do hate myself!!!!

anyways!???!!!, i saw on google sometihng about little nemo...(i also saw that plymptoon guy and his crew remade one of the movies)

hmm but i have been thinking, (ugh i even see myself on this family video my dad made of lisas shower, its nice but i CRINGE seeing myself!!!! this isnt helping me! plus i feel gross but i hate taking showers here. the water stream is so light. i just hate myself! i dont like myself!!! )

 

anyways i woke up and was watching garfield and one episode they needed to take a bath, (garfield, nermal ??, and odie because they fell in mud). so while in the bathtub they went underwater to an imaginary land of bubbles, loofahflies, wind up sharks, and mermaids. it just made ...

 

oh actually, im kind of interested in seeing myself on camera. you know? im not on this video much but its kind of neat to see myself. 

 

so yes i can focus and write more stories ...haha! my hair looks so shiny tho (my real hair)...HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i want to write childrens stories! i can do it! trust me! i used to write childrens books back when i was a kid!!! GOOD KINDS TOO!!

 

a few years ago i made a story for sage when she was little. i illustrated it too. it was called mermaids and fairies. the fairies were jealous of the mermaids, because they could swim, so the fairies thought if they cut their wings then they can turn into mermaids. but they didnt. they were just small creatures without wings. so they had to turn into workers, or something...

WHO KNOWS!?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im derpressed!!! :(

Megan Fox really has brown eyes

Megan Fox is beautiful and is known for her dark locks and crystal blue eyes. Well, guess what! Her eyes are really brown! Yes, it is true. "Her eyes looked so crystal clear in Transformers tho".  Its called, digital retouching! Also, Paris Hilton has brown eyes, she just wears contact lenses.

Outfit of the week

so i spent a few minutes on all those yahoo articles, clicking about. of course i clicked on this one.

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/aline/jessica-alba-vs-michellle-williams-fashion-faceoff-005158549.html

i left a comment....its so hard to find them after i submit them tho...

heres the pic of jessica alba that I voted for:

((oh heres my comment too, if you read the other comments, people are so sickened by this look, pajama pants, but honestly, ((((like jessica albas honest whatever...her company))))...yeah so, honestly, i think this look is meant for those who get it. its not just like, a welfare mom going to spend her food stamps at walmart wearing her literal real pajamas! im sorry for sounding ignorant ha but still, i think the look is more of a, luxe casuality that only few fashion-forward minds can see. the rest will go on making comments like, "When did it become socially acceptable to wear pjs out in public.. I know old people have done it but they are elderly and sick. I find it disgusting. Same for the pants below the butt."

or

i cant find the article just click and see the replies...

oh so yes my comment! duh!!

it went around the gist of, "i dont think most people realize that this look is meant to bring forth a luxe yet casual feel to it. these are not REAL pajama pants, they are just made to give the appearance of pajamas with the patterns and silky fabric. its meant to feel luxurious and spa-like. people can't see past that just because its called pajama pants, that it really isnt"

OH thats not the comment i made! whatever!!!

but jessica wore it better, paired with a leather motorcycle jacket, (speaking of which, where is my motorcycle jacket!!???!!)

Dollhouse Trailer

i never watched this show, (i think i might get the dvds,) just watching the trailer shows MK themes, tons of them...to their codeword names, "Echo, Sierra..."

Ruby slippers and cat suit

even kanye is wearing the ruby slippers

no, just...no

heres where i got the article from (CLICK CLICK CLICK THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME)

SICK JOKE IN TROOP BEVERLY HILLS

im watching this movie ok? well....at around 9:11 they make a sick joke! wow! and then they have peewee herman...(and the troop leader helper is named ms. herman)...i just read about the lady that played 'nellie' on little house on the prairie was molested, i wonder about the girls from this movie. alot are still in entertainment now http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098519/

tori spelling?

i got banned

from adult swim, i guess for forever. thats fine i dont care!

sunday

well its sunday now. mikes a jerk. im not going to attempt to hang out with him on the weekend anymore. i can find other ppl to hang out with...but who??? (i found and saved a picture of an owl saying WHO but i cant find it oh well)

im sick of mike. im sick of life. my life is pointless. its boring and im just so sick of everything. im sick of myself. i feel very depressed today. mike acted like he wanted to actually hang out with me but i knew he wouldnt. i tried to make it feel like old times i was at my parents so i took a shower put on makeup. still looked sloppy tho, i have no nice clothes and my hair is just gross. so mike picked me up he made some calzone. he said we would go out that night. i suggested leaving early, because i know he gets tired. he was just laying around watching tv. he said at 10 then he said at 1030. i asked him to have a beer and we can watch youtube in the kitchen. i put on that video of the pressa canario that doesnt want to get off the bed.  LOL @dodgeball where she likes unicorns! that part is on now. um so anyhow i knew he would of been lame if we went out, but the videos made him feel a little better. i suggested we just get some beer and hang out at home. you know? so we was like, 'yeah that sounds like a good idea' and he told me he would hang out with me till at least 2 or 3.

so he got some beer and we sat down to watch some stuff on youtube but his demeanor changed. he was exhaling loudly, mumbling, not looking me in the eyes, sulking, his energy was low and beat. i had a beer which must of altered my emotions too because i started crying. i just wanted him to hang out and i knew it! I KNEW IT! mike cant hang out! HE NEVER HANGS OUT! im so bored and sick of it!!! im sick of feeling this way. mike doesnt make me feel alive. mike doesnt make me feel happy. oh this is what happened he was walking around so i put that grimes genesis video on and he saw that nasty club girl, (stupid video!) and he was like, 'id get on her" GROSS! no normal respectable guy would say that about that nasty looking girl. seriously, not that i am jealous, but i dont date guys who think every single person on tv or movies or whatever is hot. if he sees a girl in a movie, he thinks shes so hot. fuck him! im sick of it! i told him, its the magic of movies! (stylist, makeup, setting, lighting etc)

THIS GIRL IS NASTY! im sorry but no respectable guy would think shes hot: 

its taking me forever to make this blog! ahh its pointless!

but yes i need to move on. oh so i said do you want to go downstairs, which i should of because i known because he just lays on the couch. so yep, he layed down on the couch, he did make a drink which he hardly even drank, but he layed down and i could see him falling asleep i told him to sit upright and he just kept saying things like, "i work alot" and 'reciprocity'....its so annoying!!!

you know? i told him i dont want to hang out with an old man on his deathbed! so i brought my laptop and went upstairs and watched some videos but then he came upstairs so i went back downstairs. anyways i stayed up pretty late he comes downstairs, and he grabs me and pushes me on the floor. i guess i was going to go to sleep and i was saying how much i hate when he talks about lisa this and that....ugh i hate doing this! and i hate drunk posting. i hate this!

so we went back in the basement he pinches me (i guess cuz im sore and bruises) i do remember he threw me on the floor and i couldnt breathe. im just sick of him. he doesnt make me happy. but then he gets all nice. i need a change in my life. sigh...

im just so bored and im sick of not knowing anyone interesting or cool to hang out with, fun whatever. hey the girl from dodgeball (the one who played marcia brady) looks so young in this movie, she is wearing braids. how old is she?

anyways...whatever

Amanda Todd

I saw ppl posting about Amanda Todd on facebook, so I googled her name. Here is an article, (with the video she made and uploaded too)

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/10/11/amanda-todd-teen-bullying-suicide-youtube_n_1959668.html#slide=1637674

lately there has been this 'anti-bullying' campagne going around. bullying has been around for forever! so its no new thing. what is, however, is youtube, facebook etc. stories like this which turn these victims into internet memes. stories that seem almost snuff-like and sacrificial. she uploaded a video of her explaining her story. WHO was this guy who asked for topless photos then in turn RUINED her life? who followed her and found  classmates no matter where she went? this doesnt feel right. it feels set up.

it was weird while i was watching the video, a commercial for lifelock came on, which said, "its too late for amanda'

i just noticed that guys name is todd davis. thats an OLD advertisement, but it has his social security number on blast for all to see. this girls name is amanda todd. just strange....(the new one is where it says too late for amanda, im looking for it) life lock...hmm

so, this is weird? he says he saw 'some sort of demon while watching adult swim' during a lifelock commercial. some sort of hidden msg??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4G2C0Bm_IU&feature=related

i cant find the one i just saw today where they say 'its too late for amanda'

like i said, i just think the whole thing is off...something doesnt feel right, especially in the way she made one of those story on index cards video.

there is also a hater site made 3 hours ago on facebook with meme-like pictures of the poor girl and bleach and partying, doing shots of bleach calling her a bitch. unbelievable! the site needs to be taken down!

this one is weird too, its a menacing man on the other side of the computer, stealing this womans identity. a snake too....((im reading too much into these lifelock commercials now i know))


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnZvhjh1yZo


i found this tho (just click on the video with the woman by the computer, white hair)

http://archive.org/details/tv?time=20121005-20121013&q=lifelock

friday night

Last night was lame, as always. Of course, Mike worked today, (saturday), so he was tired last night. We did go out to eat, but mike always wants to go to hibachi, or places like red robin or friendlys. i dont want to eat at those places you know! im sick of hibachi! i want to try new places. but we went there anyways. and i ate so much of course! wonton soup (which i always get), and i hate getting the hibachi because it is filling but i always get it bcuz mike always gets in line for it. i like getting clams, sushi, kimchi, bok choy, soup, salad, etc. im just sick of going to hibachi all the time!!!! and i am getting sick of mike. hes just boring. i am sick of life. i want to feel excitement, i think i would like to start seeing a new guy too, someone new, someone exciting, someone fun and interesting and who has energy and good energy! someone that makes me feel exciting, alluring, sexy! i dont know haha but yeah, mike just...its just gotten very boring with us. and i want a cozy place to live. its not cozy there anymore. of course i do love marble the loving cat. IM JUST BORED OF MIKE! IM BORED OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need something new, something fun, exciting! plus, eventually yes, i do want a baby. i mean, i am not getting any younger. i want to be able to get married too. so anyways, of course, mike dropped me off at my parents. i could of just stayed there but i didn't really want too. my parents were gone for the night so i thought maybe jimmy wanted to come up and hang out but hes lame too. i wish my car worked or i would of tried to find something to do. i dont really have anyone cool to hang out with tho thats the thing!!! ugh!! anyways, so jimmy was texting me about having a fire by the river but it was so cold i told him to come up to the house we could have a few beers but i was so stuffed from all the food i just had, plus i didnt really want to drink at my parents house. but he came up with a backpack full of beer and 40s so we had one there but i couldn't find anything to watch on youtube. i can't really get along with jimmy unless im buzzed at least otherwise its like talking to someone on a different level than you, you know what i mean? he said a friend from just up the road had ppl over so we could go there and hang out. i was like sure so we walked up to 3rd street to the house across from jen b's old house. this was back in the 90s tho when i used to hang out there, me and lisa. (blast from the past), i used to baby-sit jen b. when i was in 7th or 8th grade and we would have chicken nuggets and tater tots and watch saved by the bell. we would also play 'sorry' and games like uno. the house was dark and had a sinister feel to it, especially the attic which was her bedroom and painted pepto bismol pink. she had a tire swing too. back to the future: so, we went to the house across from hers, and went downstairs to the basement. of course it was younger kids, (19-23 years)....they were sitting around in a typical basement/bedroom recroom whatever, x box had on a selection of netflix movies, and they asked which movie to watch, "office space or the big lebowski' i never seen big lebowski i have seen office space. they chose big lebowski and wanted to turn it into a drinking game everytime someone said, "dude". you know, a few things i just wanted to blog about and take note of..(i dont know why this is just how i am!!) you know, when kids are younger, you drink mixed drinks of some sort of vodka with soda or some sort of flavored drink, like UV whatever that is? ok a few things, jimmy is 29 almost 30 and he is still very immature. when i used to date glenn, ok? when i was 19-23 about, ((on and off)) it was cool because at least glenn was interesting and we all would have interesting topics to talk about i mean, sure we were younger but it wasnt lame!!! the girls last night were sipping on svedka and sprite and UV drinks, and someone was passing around a bottle of jameson whiskey. oh jimmy knows these guys because of his younger brother who is 21. but jimmys maturity level is still at around that age. NOT TO BE MEAN THO! LOL, just saying is all! like, when i was 23 even, i could hang out with high school kids or go to high school parties which i often did because i was dating glenn who was 3 years younger and he had friends who still had high school friends etc..you know? (oh yeah glenn eventually cheated on me with heather who was 16 and he was like, 20. what a loser! then he got her pregnant and he is forever stuck with her)...shes probably 26 or 27 now who knows? but he used to call me when he was with her too and i would hang out with him. not anymore, hes in texas somewhere. one of the girls there, who was 19, is going into the air force. i remember when i was that age my mentality was way different than now. i mean, i used to drink mixed drinks or take swigs of vodka (gross!) or even that mad dog 20/20 wine or boones wine or long island iced teas or avalanche or goldschlagger shots or vodka soaked watermelon or screwdrivers or cranberry and vodkas or bay breezes etc..(uck! i cant drink like that anymore!!). first time i got drunk i was 16 and it was on my birthday and i had 3 or 4 beers. i havent gotten drunk again until i went into the army and i would drink like aforementioned. you know, i also wanted to say, jimmy later told me that he liked the 19 year old girl and that she wanted him, (which i honestly did not see, he was an unimpressive idiot, drunk squidbillies style, and she was talking on the phone with her boyfriend too.) but
 it did make me think, when i was young, it kind of felt good but in a weird way to get attention from an older guy, (attractive)....i started getting attention i guess, when i was 13 but i did not like it! i hated when older guys even looked at me you know, its just creepy! ((i was thinking of writing all this last night but i didnt)) also got weird attention from teachers you know. when i went into the army i got alot of attention but from cute guys i even hooked up with this hot air force guy, (this was at the presidio of monterey california) who had silver hair like richard gere. i was 18 he was in his 30s but for some reason it was hot you know? i think younger girls can be attracted to older guys because it does feel good to get attention, especially from someone older, and it feels kind of weird but in a good way i guess...but you see, now that i am older, (in my 30s) i would never be into someone who is 18,19, early 20s even mid 20s. im just not on that level anymore, which is why i question guys who are trying to get with younger girls, (unless they just think they are easy). but i think jimmys maturity level is still at 24 and plus he just wants girls girls girls any girls. he always tells me i look good but i ignore it ha! sorry im not into him that way! i think jimmy was drunk anyways. we all stopped paying attention to the movie. oh yeah, one girl that looked like a prettier version of sanjana jon/rosario dawson was sipping on her UV drink and the guy who lived there, (who really did look like eminem)...i didnt tell them that but i thought it LOL if i was more drunk i would probably tell them tho....but they both liked each other, but it got annoying because the other two girls that were there started texting on their phones, slumped on the couch, ((they cant hang!)) the one girl asked if i wanted a cigarette i was like sure it was a marlboro red, thats another thing, i used to smoke marlboro reds when i was 18 and 19, (i thought they looked cool, cowboy killers!). oh my goodness. it was freezing outside. we went back inside and it was all quiet and lame and boring and the girls were all sleeping. it was just beat and i wanted to go home maybe have a few beers and chill. it was like, 230 am i think. so jimmy left with me we walked to my parents house and i attempted to drink but i wasnt feeling it. jimmy was drunk tho and annoying and i didnt want to find youtube we listened to classic rock radio station and ate pistachios but he was getting annoying telling me to put on tight jeans so he could see my butt and telling me my hair looked good. i kept saying, "well, im going to go to sleep now" but it took FOREVER for him to take the empty cans and put in the plastic bag for crying out loud! i tried putting on some funny videos which he didnt acknowledge also tried to put on illuminati videos but he was so out i dont think he would even remember today. so finally he got his stuff and left so i went upstairs to go to sleep. this was like, almost 4am! i woke up at 830 because i could not breathe!!! that marlboro red really messed me up! it took me a little over an hour to go back to sleep. i went to sleep only to have a dream about a zoo i had, with a moat full of scary underwater creatures, and in the middle was a cage with little baby giraffes. the giraffes were screaming and crying and even trying to open the cage door, but these awful creatures were in the water swimming around. (ive had dreams about scary sea creatures in cages before). well one of the giraffes got out and it killed some of the other creatures, which happened to be wearing marge and homer halloween costumes. it was a very weird dream. i also kept dreaming my parents were home, but they didnt get home till about noon im assuming. i actually woke up at 130! right before i woke up, i felt a man grab my shoulders and say, "Lori".  the voice was somewhat gentle. i wonder who it was?

so, i think thats it. its funny, see, you know how lame and boring my life is when i go into detailed explanation of an otherwise lame and boring night! HA!!!!