I must admit, I miss my cable. I mean, I miss all the channels. You know?? It is nice saving some money, but still...I think I will get a roku and do sling. I have free tv apps tho, like Tubi and Pluto. So, they have a bunch of movies, so I always see Heartbreakers on Tubi, so I watched it. I remember I used to want that movie when it came out, years ago, but I never did. I really want MY OWN WEDDING! I want to get MARRIED! I want a family of my own. Damn. Well, despite Jennifer Love Hewitt being super hot, I can also see that she has a male skull. Oh, I don't know!?? There are transvestigations about her tho. Sigourney Weaver is obviously an XY. Jason Lee is in the movie, so is Zach Galifinakis and Sarah Silverman, and I can see that they are transgendered. Zach is transgendered. Jason Lee is too, prob. He looks like Kevin tho. Kevin looks like Jason Lee, and Vinnie from Jersey shore. I kind of miss hanging out with him. He is fun, and we get along, but he doesn't talk to me anymore. Neither does Shannan. Screw em. 

Maybe Mike and I should get married in vegas. jk I can't do that. If I want to get married, that is my choice. My decision. You know, a while ago, I was dating um, whats his name..Dennis. That was back in my 20s. I could of married him, and he is like a dr now or something. I have no idea why Moss thought it was in my best interest to move out there. He really just...well, he interfered with my life. Why? What did I truly get out of living out there? Stories that were not meant to be mine. That's what. Stories. Incidents. Stuff that does not matter to me now. I want a family. I want to be in love, and with Mike, well, it's not that way. I don't feel that way with him.

So, as far as transvestigations, there are women I know, who have masculine features. My cousin Mary, has a skull that is big. I mean...I saw a high school friend post a picture of her and this girl, Desiree. Desiree was the new girl, back when we were freshman in high school. She was so pretty, and she became popular instantly. The teachers even wanted her. Yeah, it was weird. There was also this guy, this Ross from friends dopey kind of guy, he was in my class. Bob I think..Bobby? I remember he made an off color comment about her, he said she thinks she has big nipples. Dafuck!?? Yeah, well, I saw my other friend posted a pic of Desiree, a throwback pic, so I was wondering if she had a facebook page. I saw Bobby comment, saying his wife has aged well or something, so I clicked on his profile and I saw pictures of her, I guess they got married and have kids. Personally, I think it's kind of gross, (sorry, not gross, but weird. Incestual Friends like stuff ..ross and rachel! Puke), it is kind of weird when high school sweethearts marry. I mean, we change from who we were in high school. We evolve. When old time friends or high school sweethearts get married, it's just..like, weird to me. Like, they are not given a chance to just become themselves. Idk, but as I was looking through the photos, Desiree has a really masculine skull, and she has straight across collarbone, like a man. I actually went and saved some pictures, to show. I know, it is really weird, creepy, and stalkery that I did this...but she has kids now. I mean, guys CAN look ftm-ish, like Kevin, resembling FTM actors...?? Women can have masculine features too, does not mean they are men or have xy chromosomes? Or, everything is just fucking weird.

should i post the pictures? I feel bad if I do, and i feel it might somehow get back to her...i mean, you never know. im not sure if i want to post the pictures of them. it's creepy, even for me. hmm...yeah, im not going to post the pictures.

Does Abuela Hear Yanny or Laurel?

i know this is old news, but...i used to hear 'yanny' just on this specific video but now...now i hear laurel. you can even see my comment stating this..



ok its really weird because now...now i dont hear yanny anymore. i used too. my parents heard laurel but on this one they hear yanny. watch, a few days later, you will hear laurel again. WHAT IS THIS WITCHERY!??



.Add a public comment...

Lula Fawn1 week ago

On this one, I hear 'yanny' but normally its Laurel

I need a change. I want to manifest my destiny, (I cancelled my fairytale subscription tho...)..its ok. things will work out. I have a pretty normal, boring and basic life. Does not mean by having this kind of life, I cannot accomplish my dreams. Instead of finding a motorcycle guy, I can save up for my own motorcycle, and learn how to drive one and get my license. (oh but is it stick tho?? ) yeah. what else? I can actually FOCUS! quit wasting time on alcohol, that just takes away from my potential. i can really write. i can write the anand jon story. i can also write my other ideas. I CAN DO IT! i know i can! I can travel! I still can do it! If mike cant travel with me, i would do it on my own. id bring my kid. or whatever. I WILL DO IT!! MAN! OK!??? and fuck walmart. i mean, im thankful they gave me work, but im sick of working at night and on the wknds. bye

DIY Toothpaste pregnancy test

Birth control really messes with me. I know, tmi, but Mike and I really do not have sex that often. Yeah but anyways, so, I noticed some spotting, which is typical of implantation bleeding, which happens about a week after fertilization. I have been on the pill but I have missed a day here and there. Anyways, I really do not think I am, but I am doing this DIY Homemade preg test, the toothpaste test! This video gives me mucho ASMR vibes tho! Walmart has videos we have to watch when we are training, and I always liked the aesthetic of them. This has that appeal::

**ever since i added mike on to google, (for us to watch cobra kai), i have been having TROUBLE sharing videos TO MY BLOG from youtube. its annoying!?? ?

i had this idea years ago for an invention. i went to the invention place actually...and i told them about it. did they STEAL MY IDEA!???!?

https://www.amazon.com/Barefoot-Invisible-Anti-slip-Waterproof-Protection/dp/B074JXYJ2J/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527209567&sr=8-1&keywords=adhesive%20foot%20pad

google made this. neat kind of...

ASMR ideas

ASMR ideas:

Movie theater attendant with refreshments and showtimes. classic films such as gone with the wind, and intermission. meals provided if desired. alcoholic beverages on staff as well.

Eating candy ASMR. all the old school yummies, sour patch kids, swedish fish...nostalgic candies that will take the viewer back just by watching.

Retro makeover, using all the old school makeups from back in the day. Key is to bring you back to those times. Maybelline mascara, old brushes, caboodles etc

AA ASMR, focus on coffee, background crowd noises, styrofoam coffee cups, stories from different people, the prayer etc

Business meeting ASMR, a presentation using graphs, reviewing job changes, company picnic etc. (I always found meetings relaxing, even tho we do not get them at walmart. LAME!!!)

Abduction pt 2. (always a hit)...



TRANVESTIGATIONS

eugenia cooney (was just done)
blurred lines emily ratajowkski (??)
daddario (?)
that poppy
alicia silverstone
nicole arbor

swyers syndrom and more

Swyers syndrome is having both X and Y chromosomes, but may take on the appearance of female. They even develop a uterus and ovaries, however, the ovaries are not functional.

Link here:

https://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/swyer-syndrome

More interesting links:

http://genetics.thetech.org/ask/ask352

I used to be confused, about transvestigations. I used to think they, somewhere along the timeline, had a sex change. Then I started wondering about how some get the appearance of having female genitals or male genitals, despite having bone structure of the opposite sex. This has probably been perfected, by altering hormones and such in the womb, or IN UTERO, like Kurt Cobains album says.

I feel this is perfected now. The females can even have periods!?? However, giving birth would be a problem, hence surrogates. These celebrities you see, have BOTH chromosomes. Not so sure about the FTMs but I am sure it is a similar process.

This explains porn stars with both chromosomes.


androgen insensitivity syndrome

Drs have probably figured out how to stop the SRY gene in the womb, so it stops making the male genitals, it stops it and forms a vagina. doesnt mean they even have a uterus...

Im learning! See? 

um...??

i clicked on one of trishas video. ok, so she said the same thing i did...and she even included roses. oh, one of my subs sent me a virtual rose. that was nice.

Does anyone else have trouble trying to spring clean your closet? I have so many clothes, clothes that I haven't worn in years. I have alot of summer clothes, and in the process, I just put them away as to not see the clothes strewn around my room anymore. (Dr. Oz is now talking about 'medicine cabinet clean-up...wow)...when I try to figure out what to get rid of, I tell myself, well, I think I will wear this again, even tho I never do!? Think about it, when you were young, in high school for example, your wardrobe was important. It was an essential staple of expressing yourself. You strived for achieving a certain look, whether it be bells and bangles with your bell-bottoms, or a scarf to match your vest, these little details mattered. Fishnet stockings with Doc Martens was a look, or mohair sweators with your corduroys. (I don't know why I keep bringing up 70s/90s style?! HA)..when you get older, you want so bad to make style matter, and I am sure it does, but is it functional? What do you do everyday, where your outfit actually matters? What is your job? Do you have a career? Do you have to look 100 due to your career, or do you have to wear a uniform of sorts? What do you do on your days off? Do you lounge around the house, do your shopping? Is comfort more key than a pulled together look? Do you go out much? Do you socialize? Are you around many people who will judge you based on your appearance, or do you have a family which keeps you busy? Is style really that important? Think about it. Personally, for myself, it is not important. In high school, we were always around hundreds of other teenagers in our peer group. Back then, it did matter, plus it was fun to dress up. Even in college, or the military, or wherever you went in your 20s. Now, I am not nearly around my peer group. Do I even have a peer group? I don't go out either. I do not go to bars, nor do I get a nightcap at a nightclub. I stay home, or go out with my parents. I like to look the way I want. Comfort is key for me. I like denim jackets. What can I say? I have alot of clothing that I just need to get rid of! Not sure the point of this was, these were thoughts I had while in the shower. I am supposed to be cleaning my room, instead I am posting this. Hope you enjoyed it tho. !!!

I need to really clean my room, but I keep getting distracted. I decided a shower would help me feel more refreshed, and it did. However, while in the shower, that is when my best thoughts and ideas formulate. I kept thinking about my mother's day post, and how that literal troll tried to change what the meaning of my post was. He turned it around to make it seem as if it was about me not getting a rose. When I shared that exact post to the Walmart group, I had found that many other women felt the same way as I did. They felt hurt and shamed, for not being able to have children, or for deciding not to have kids. Regardless of the situations, I feel it was a bad move on Walmarts part to ONLY hand out a rose to the mothers. #RedRose movement is on the horizon! Watch! Just kidding. I was thinking about how the comments this guy made at me, and eventually I just became self-deprecating by AGREEING with him, admitting that I am self victimizing, and looking for attention. My post never once mentioned myself having miscarriages however, and even if  I did, well, why should I shy away from sharing my feelings of being hurt? The next day, I made another post, questioning if we should stride away from sharing our vulnerabilities, to not own normal, human emotions of inadeqacies and emotional distress. It seems many people do not agree with my sentiments, or my thought patterns, which I cannot help. This is how I think, this is how I feel. For the longest time, I stopped posting things that involved my thoughts or feelings. I was called unintelligent, and I was unfriended because of it. I received a comment from a friend, who in the past told me to shut up when I posted about having a miscarriage but for remaining strong, while I forget the exact post I made years ago, I still remember seeing the only comment on that post was one telling me to shut up. This same person made a comment, upon first glance, it seemed nice enough. As I had shower/driving in the car thoughts, I could see that she too, thought I was upset for not getting a rose. Like I said, it was for women who have suffered miscarriages or not being able to have children. It was a rose for them, nothing about myself, but yes, I was hurt as well from not receiving a rose. Which is why I posted that exact post. Why should we worry about how we appear when we experience genuine emotions?

What I take away from all this is simply, people will judge an answer or comment, or post or general statement, based on who you are. Based on your accomplishments, based on your past, based on your whole person. 

For example, we need to sell credit cards at my job. I ask everyone, hundreds of people a day, if they would like to apply for a credit card. Sometimes I get some, but most of the time, I do not. A manager than may be on the register for a short amount of time, and they are able to sell not one, but perhaps, two credit cards during the short time they are on the register. This may be because they are a higher up, who projects the sense of authority. We may try to deny this, but judgements are made, despite all the hopes that they are not. 
Plus, it doesn't help that now that the internet is abundant and people can post in the privacy of their own homes, they strive on arguments and questioning people's intents. Everyone wants to psycho-analyze everyone and their intentions. Everyone is a keyboard psychiatrist. 

Well, I better get back to cleaning my room. I have a whole new set of thoughts, about cleaning one's room. Next break, I assure you!

Rose

I dont know why my parents have to invite me to lancaster. I woke up early because I knew they wanted to leave around 10. my house is a mess. i need to clean my room. i never get the chance to just do this! im supposed to visit stephanie too sometime. and get a tattoo. i just want to chill at home, relax. i hardly had any sleep.

well, anyways, at work, they gave out a rose to all the moms. i figured it out after one of the managers came through my line and asked me if i am a mom. i said no. that was it. i realized that was her deciding to give me a rose.

this perterbed me, and bothered me, and yes, it made me feel upset. so the next day, i posted to the walmart group, my sentiments towards women who are infertile or who have suffered miscarriages. they deserve a rose as well. comments poured in from other women who agreed, and said mothers day is a particularly hard day for them as they cannot have kids of have had several miscarriages. i wanted to post the same comment to my facebook page, so i did.

earlier that day, i saw a vavavoom picture of kim, which received several likes and comments such as "Hot mama", "yowza" "beautiful" (Kim wont add mike tho...she doesnt like him)...that was nice of her. but i saw a comment, first comment. it was very negative, and it was about how i think everyone deserves a rose because they are a woman, not a mom. "Um, yes!! I do! Like I said, some women cannot have kids" he kept on me, being really rude and disgusting. he called me self-victimizing and attention seeking. the post said nothign about me having miscarriages. i just know the hurt i felt all day yesterday, and thats an honest emotion. Is that self victimizing? Why should we feel afraid to appear vulnerable. Why should we worry if our post will look selfish or victmizing? So, this comment from some guy, I see one mutual friend is Kim...who is he? Why feel the need to tear me down, to break a post meant to be empowering, supportive, and encouraging? He's trash. He tears down my comment, yet he will post, "looking good' at a selfishly posted selfie. Yeah ok. He continued to berate me on my post. I was getting hurt and upset, yes. I was. I started crying and didn't even want to go to work. I was about to call off. He told me I do not deserve a rose because I am not a mother.

On the way to work, I notice the diner. It is not Phillipsburg Diner anymore. It is Red Rose Diner.

My post was meant to go out to the women who have suffered miscarriages, cannot have children, or lost a mother. It was a rose, meant to make all women feel special.

Women like roses. Men do too, hell. It is just simply a nice gesture, and when someone gets denied a nice gesture, at their job at that, it hurts. It stings. Its a kiss from a rose um...that seal song.

Ciara - You Don't Want This Tranny's "Goodies"

This one is very obvious. They are lying. They say she/HE gave birth...CHOKE! i dont think so. look how obvious she is tho!?? remember that rumor bout ciara being a hermaphrodite? come on, this is not the first one who is lying to us. get with the program. i sprinkle these videos throughout my blog because i am hoping it gets through. WHO THE HELL READS MY BLOG ANYWAYS? i know some, but who else. this is getting creepy. bye

The Tokyo-ian Bratz In: Not So Happy Easter (part 1)

sage showed me this link of toy hacks...i remember as a kid, my dads friends used to make handmade toys, and it was the best thing! like this cute little iguana made out of hangers. it was spray painted green. i loved it! you can make it walk. well that video had these little spiders and buggys made out of straws. you know, i forget so much about creativity. i used to ALWAYS do creative things. in art classes, we always had fun projects. computer graphics and designs. you forget about that stuff when all you do is fucking work at walmart! i mean, i used to write short stories all the time, and trust, they were actually well written. they actually provoked emotion. i did write very well if i put my MIND TO IT!! i used to have so many ideas for making videos. i mean, my dad, he used to make funny videos called 'powerful paul' starring our family friend paul. also, we made funny videos as kids. jason has the one video..OOH ID LOVE TO UPLOAD IT TO YOUTUBE! it was us as kids, in the 80s. we made a movie where we all got trapped in this straw sculpture.i really hope jason can find it so we can transfer it. that would be great! even these silly videos of them playing with bratz dolls, it incites ASMR. i actually liked tokyo bratz dolls (i was in my 20s lol), i searched for bratz dolls playing on youtube. i mean, just playing with dolls, thats a very popular search on youtube. kids enjoy watching other kids play. oh the possibilities! and before you judge, and think i was immature, see? that is when you LOSE sight of creativity. when you start to forget about the little sentimental things, that is when you start losing what makes you a human. these things are important. yes, work is important, but dont lose sight of these things that built you. imagination. its a thing. sighhh

TRYING to follow KYLIE JENNER Makeup tutorial

she always embellishes all her screenshots, (which is why i clicked CLICKBAIT THO!!) she didnt do her makeup like that. i remember that kylie tutorial, i wrote down all the makeup so i can gather it all together. (i never did tho), and i wanted to recreate this look. the funny thing is, the end, when she sprays that setting spray and it leaves white dots all over her face. i was hoping she would just burst out laughing but she didnt. i LOL'd because it was so funny. her comments are disabled. so, tsa must of taken my Nars foundation. wtf?! now i need to get more foundation and stuff. i do miss doing a full face. i never do now because i have no where to wear it. i wish i had events and things to do. id like a job where we have like, a formal dinner or a ball or something. walmart is shit. theres never anything to look forward to, as far as dressing up or just whatever. life is so fucking boring, i need to change things around.

Mothers day

I had to babysit today. So, I thought my mom was going to be there with me, instead there was another girl in there. She had her 3 kids in the nursery, which was fine. There were no kids dropped off, so we sat in the service. I wish we had stayed in the nursery tho, because the one little girl was later dropped off. It was the little girl of the mother who brought her girl in, but must of felt uncomfortable with me being there, that she muttered up some excuse about wanting the girl to go in the big kids class with her sister. I think she felt uncomfortable with me watching her daughter, even tho I had watched her before in the nursery with my mom. This really made me feel awkward and upset. It hurt, actually. Today, the little girl was dropped off, so my mom said she is back in the nursery and I should go back. So I went back, and it was that lady with her kids, the two boys stayed, and the little girl, Amber. So I helped out, and talked to the kids. Talked to the mother. She asked me if I was a college kid, which was weird. I didnt want to tell her my age. At work, customers will say, "Happy mothers day, are you a mother?" and I didn't answer, and the one lady said, "You're not". It makes me feel really weird. 
I should say, I had miscarriages. shrug. So anyways, then a little baby was dropped off too, and the parents just talked to the mother, didn't acknowledge me at all. I was playing with the kids, I put on a movie for them, (but we shut it off because it was too loud, Veggie Tales)...I love kids. I am very good with kids. I am a happy go lucky person, and I like to help them with art or whatever. So, when the service was over, the parents of the baby was there, and the mother of Amber came in to get Amber. I wanted her to see me, so that she knew I watched her daughter, but she didn't even look at me. She just said thank you and asked how her daughter did to the other lady who was helping, (who looked like a Christian version of Huma Abadeen, (ugh that name tho,,ever since I read about 'frazzlepop' or whatever..(frazzledrip), I just can't. I am not saying I believe it, but just, having that image in my head...I can't. But anyways, the other girl helping me was from Honduras, and she moved up here after finishing school at Rutgers. She got married and has 3 kids now. Well, the other mom was just talking to her and thanking her for watching her daughter. She didn't even acknowledge me. I don't think she saw me, because the tall parents of the baby were standing in the way, but still you know? I was the one that was playing with the little girl, Amber. Not the mother. She did help, I guess. But whatever, I was helping too and I don't get any thanks because of the way I look I guess.

Fuck, I have to go to work. So, I was driving home to get ready for work, and I was thinking about how I was the one playing with the little girl and how the mom didn't even acknowledge me, right when I thought of how the girl knows I was showing her all the toys or whatever, I noticed that the song on the radio was "Amber" by 311. That was kind of nice I guess. Like, who cares if the judgemental parents don't notice me. I am good with kids and the kids like me, so there! And no, I do not have any kids right now. Does that make me less of a person??

Happy Mothers Day!

Lucifer Sigil sync

Last night, I was watching some transvestigation video about some porn star, (forget her name...) she has a sigil looking thing with her initials. They compared it to the Lucifer sigil. I have never seen the sigil for Lucifer before, except last night. Today, this guy comes through my line at work. He was wearing a shirt with the Lucifer sigil. Now...I am wondering...if...?? Well, could it be a sync? or maybe? well i left a comment on that transvest video, so anyone can see I was watching it, and the guy was sent there specifically, to get my attention. Things are weird. Whooooooo KNOWS!??!? 

Mike always comes over, and I see he has a drink of sorts from Wawa, but never is he considerate enough to ask me if I wanted anything. It's just a gesture that goes far. It is called being considerate! So I bring it up with him and he gets all bitchy. One thing, I really do not prefer, is those people, who make it really hard to communicate with. For example, Moss is like that. He says things that are just strange and weird. I believe he has a touch of aspergers. (A touch of downs)...he was talking about his roth and all this stuff MAN I AM WAY TOO TIRED TO WRITE AND EXPLAIN THIS SHIT!

So, I am getting a tattoo Wednesday. Yeahhhh, I have some extra money. FUCK IT! It will make me happy. I am not sure what I am going to get yet tho..hmm

A peep, on my right arm, lower nook opposite the elbow. That will be a quick tat, too...a quick tattoo!! Maybe some finger ones thrown in, anchor and fluer de lis. I am going to inform Todd of this.

Finger tats are expensive tho...maybe I will get something on my leg...??? Hmm...

Vegas Vicky on my leg, (Since I am going to Vegas, I guess..). I would like to get a ladybug tattoo on my thumb..or a Betty and Veronica comic strip type deal on my upper leg.

I want the galaxy on my arm, just not sure how much that will be about...and I want it to be good. No black lines. Or the Northern Lights. Blue Lotus does good stuff like that.

Macaroons on my arm maybe..??? or the Eiffle Tower on my arm.

Damn!??? I don't know what I want to get tho....maybe I should avoid the finger tats, for now...

I need to change my availability. No way, do I want to be working weekends anymore, ESPECIALLY in the summer! I want summers off. I do not want to work at night anymore either. When I was at Majestic, I quit because I was sick of working till 3 am.  I figured, working till 11pm would be easier, but no. With these hours, I cannot get a routine down. I cannot start to eat healthy, join the gym, work out and lose weight. There are fun events that happen in the summer, ON the weekends. I think I am going to change my availability. The latest I can work is 7pm, and I would like to have Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays off. I think that will be much easier for me...and I want to try to transfer to the pharmacy. Or, just find another fucking job!!! Who knows...I just know, I do not want to be working at night, on the weekend this summer. Hell no!

house guest asmr

"Hi!! I am so happy that you are finally visiting! This is great! Oh, we are going to have so much fun this weekend! I know, you must be tired. You really drove quite a ways to come see me! I know it's late, but would you like some tea? or maybe some orange juice. Tea might keep you up all night, (the bladder, lol)..sure, let me pour you a little cup of OJ than. did you want a snack? a sandwich or something light? toast maybe?? No? ok thats fine. I'm sure you just want to get some rest.

So, I left out a towel in the bathroom. Here, I will show you where everything is.

-in bathroom: I have an extra toothbrush for you (cepilla de dientes), so you dont have to go and fish out all your stuff. The toothpaste (dentifrico) is here. Here is a washcloth for you to use and a towel. The shower works by moving it to the right, for warmer water. I have Suave shampoo, I love that stuff. It's cheap, yes, but it works quite well, I witnessed. I also have this big and fluffy robe. Hey, do you have your sleepwear out? If not, I can lend you some pj pants and this ol' comfy t-shirt I have. I also have some nice, fluffy socks you can use too.

Oh, and I just made the bed before you got here. Nice, clean and crisp sheets. Clean comforter.

etc etc etc

I always love having a night shower, especially when visiting. Just getting comfy and cozy when you visit someone, and having a fresh, clean bed to sleep in.

When I visited Moss, actually, Kendra had left out a folded towel for me in the bathroom. That little gesture actually relaxed me.


I get ASMR when the gas station attendant uses that squeegee to clean off your car. Or when the janitors at work come by my register with their big broom swiffy thing. Or when they are sweeping up stuff off the floor. When someone helps me at work, that relaxes me. Making sure I am stocked with bags or what not.

what else? oh, i was just watching a daddy/little video. kind of weird, but also, kind of safe and..idk. i would make videos like that. something different. im getting bored of all the regular stuff. i want to do more asmr videos tho. i get asmr with photographers sometimes. when they have outfits picked out for you, and its in bags or something. like, they already have it planned in their head the look they want you to have. photographer asmr is an interesting idea too. but that has been done before.

i love safe place asmr. i want to do one where i rescue someone. i have alot of views for my abduction one. i am going to make another abduction video sometime tho, but i want to do the rescue one too. i want to airbnb a cute little hobbit hole type of place.

i want to find a fellow adventurer. mike...

im getting older. i want a family. but if with mike, i will never be allowed to go on any more trips... with moss (which is fine actually i dont need to do that, and he needs to RESPECT THAT!) this has nothing to do with ASMR anymore tho...i was just saying, i would NOT BE ALLOWED TO GO TO CALIFORNIA OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT if i am with mike.

but mike will never airbnb to the hobbit hole with me!?? WTF???? yeah but, moss is supposed to go with me to atlanta. i emailed them again about being a guest. i should do it.'

and FUCK WALMART

Bobs Burgers Tina Dance Party

I follow Charlyne Yi on instagram boy, im tellin ya, she dances like tina belcher tho...



I couldnt find an actual video on youtube of tina dancing..here is a link to charlynes IG



im not making fun of her, i like that she seems like a normal person just living in LA. shes an actress, yet lives in a normal apartment. like in the show, love. (she was in first season)..she is a great artist, she also interacts with her fans. well, she did the one time. her viewers. i dont know. she did an instagram live and she was singing and making up words, then she started singing things that people were commenting. it got very fun and funny. she sang a few of my sentences too, and i made up some goofy sentences. i really liked that she did that, because when a public figure interacts with their viewers and subs and what not, it just makes it feel more intimate and COOLER!! you know tho??



i wonder if she is an mtf...



https://www.instagram.com/p/Bik6-Smn-7f/?hl=en&taken-by=charlyne_yi

Flintstone/Flinstone

This is weird...so, people were talking about how the Flintstones, at one point, was the Flinstones. I personally never seen this for myself, so I commented, "I wish I could of experienced the FlinTstone flop. I specifically remember capitalizing the T, since it could be an either/or. FlinTstone...FlinTstone..yes, that is what I put. I remember it too! Well, I see more comments, and when I go back to check, I see that it looks like I wrote, "Flinstone" UM I did not write that tho!??? So, I am wondering, did I somehow make myself experience the Flinstone flop, just not in the way I thought. also, I would never type it as Flinstone,because to me, it is Flintstone.  I always see it that way. Then, I responded to myself, like I am or was two different people...idk ,just so odd!??

adams apple. OK than

um, nevermind!?? at 13:30 (the video i posted below this one) she has an adams apple!??

i freaking give up!?? everyone on youtube is TG too..girls dont have adams apples like that tho!??!

man, i cant sleep.

WARNING SCARY!!! - ALL THE PROCEDURES I GET DONE!

She is a real female, I feel. She is getting procedures done, to make her resemble FEMALE celebrities and models, (kylie, naomi cambell)..um, they are not real females see how this is dangerously unhealthy tho? i mean, if i had money, i prob would get procedures done. i prob would get chin implants, prob get lots of things done. i do not like my profile at all. i think my profile is weird and scary. anand jon told me i look like a shark. um ok? yeah i can kind of see that i guess.

ULTIMATE CHEESY POTATOS & SWEET CHILLI SALMON! || KWK

reminded me of hanging out with friends who are a couple, like, when i was just becoming an adult. you know how when you were like, late teens/early 20s, and you would go to your friends house, who lived with her boyfriend, and she would cook dinner for yall? this video reminded me of that. aww...also, i miss cooking for mike. well, i still do, but when we lived together, it was nice. and he always checks in on my cooking and sneaks bites, and he is so impatient about eating that he makes me forget to add ingredients!!! but i miss COOKING and walmart hours, i eat mike'd food, tv dinners (remember them?)...also, she uses WAY TOO MANY SPICES! oh, the sodium intake! if i ate her food, i can feel the indigestion. all those spices would have me running to the bathroom tho....

keenan peele

another thing, about the get out movie, keenan peele directed and wrote it. he is known for being a comedian, isnt he? not keenan sorry, jordan peele. he is a comedian. so how and why did he write a movie so dark? in the movie, the tsa friend is the funny, black friend. he is the comic relief, i guess. he reminds us of jordan peele, in a way. however, is that just a mind controlled, fragment of a personality? the way alison williams had on her man face, how she pulled her hair into a ponytail to reveal her true identity, she takes on a girly voice while talking to the friend on the phone. its mind control, its split personalities, its all of that.

Gorillas are Humans in Suits

OH MY GOSH! really??? gorillas, and many other animals, ARE NOT EVEN REAL!!??? holy heck. everything is a LIE!!









just kidding. now this, along with flat earth and a few other conspiracies, are too much for me. i do not believe gorillas are humans in suits. THIS is ridiculous! oh, and in the targetted individual fb group, thems ppl are CRAZY!!? PURE CRAZZY!! one guy ACTUALLY MADE A TIN FOIL HAT! HE DID! AND THEY PERP WHO THEY THINK ARE 'PERPS' ONE WOMAN WAS FILMING A GUY JUST CLEANING UP THE STREET, CALLING HIM A PERP. SHE WAS HARASSING HIM, BY FILMING HIM. THERE ARE VIDEOS ALL OVER YOUTUBE, PEOPLE THINKING THEY ARE T.I.S AND HAVING OTHER PPL STALK AND HARASS THEM. THESE PPL ARE FILMING WHO THEY CALL PERPS. I MEAN...shaking my head. i have had people, in my life, who i think were set up to make me uncomfortable. this happened in Cali, not here really...well, sometimes here too, yes. it doesnt happen anymore tho. im glad. i dont get stalked or harassed. maybe cuz im not worried about it? i mean, you vwould think+

ideas

i have a few more ideas for transvestigations..

-youtube star and anorexic 'queen' eugenia cooney. i see in her pics that she does have a MALE SKULL

- former vh1 rock of love alum, "frenchy" angelique morgan. i actually met her. she wanted to walk in anand jons fashion show in vegas, but he didnt want to use her. now shes her own kind of celebrity, i guess. i see on her instagram, that she has ADONIS BELT...well ok than

Behold the coagula

I watched Get Out again. The one guy kept bringing up golf and Tiger Woods. Well, Tiger is mind controlled, fractured mind. His handler was Bob Hope actually. Coagula is a trans-woman superhero. Coagula is also on the arm of Baphomet. Alison Williams has an obvious man skull, where she talks on the phone to the friend. She has a straight face while using inflection to sound concerned. Such a good actress, blank slate that uses human tone. Again, the actor that resembles Dave Chappelle. Whatever happened to Dave Chappelle? Is he even the same person? The part where Rose is searching for her keys, that part is sort of like gang stalking or gaslighting, as well as his phone getting unplugged. They also had weird satanic chanting.

Idk, a very revealing movie...

SPINE sync

today, i saw a post that lisa posted, a joke about the spine. it shows a dr holding up a plastic spine, and he says, 'this is your spine' and the patient says, 'well give it back'. later, while driving, i hear a song..it was the song from waynes world...queen? bohemian rhapsody...and they sing about a spine...shivers down my spine or something. well, i told myself, spine. then i said, 'i feel i will see the word spine again today'. well just now, i read this,"which sends shivers down our spine

Mark Oliver Everett

so, a few weeks ago, transvestigator hans wormhat made a video on Eels singer, Mark Oliver Everett, FTM. He also made claims that he is Mr. E, or priorly known as, Mr. E3000. Mr. E also does transvestigations...

I only learned about him through all this, now I am watching Love, and I see, Mark Oliver Everett, is on Love. He is Miki's friends husband. So, this guy...is he an FTM?? And a transvestigator!??

I do not think Mr. E is MOE tho...just so weird how I was watching vids about it all...

hmmm...

AMAZON PRIME NOW WANTS ME TO PURCHASE SEASON 3 GIRLS!? THAT IS HOW THEY GET YOU!!! WTF?? no! ok maybe...

what about the jersey shore? i cant watch anything now since i cancelled cable!! i just have pluto tv..ok someone just commented 'nice tits' on my youtube channel. DELETE!

cuz im the king of wishful thinking...(that song tho))

you're a hooker

so, im watching girls...and i see in one scene, season finale season 2, in lairds apartment, there is a picture, framed, and it says, "You're a Hooker"...wtf??

it looks like an angus oblong design too. I just spent 5 minutes trying to capture it, but it goes by so quick I'm not able to capture it.
hey she has a flamingo in her room. while wearing butterflies.

lorene brown

wth?? ok so NOW I see another commenter on that video..the ariana one. i had many syncs when the manchester thing happened btw.

but i see this now..

(and lorraine is my full name) HOW, CLAP. WEIRD. CLAP.

Ariana Grande's Cry For Help - MK Ultra Mind Control

she is really good. i subbed.

whoa

im watching this video about the new ariana grande video, the occult masonic meanings behind it, and the lady was talking about masonry and it showed a picture of the columns, boaz and joaquin, I was imagining it as a real thing. all of a sudden, (im in my living room, on the couch. lights out im going to sleep here), i see a light, it sort of looked like an ember of a shooting star. it was in my living room tho. it caught my attention, i thought it was a light from outside, but it really caught my attention to the point where it made my heart skip a beat. so weird. it was a little mini light that just faded, like a shooting star tho...

Saoirse Ronan Transvestigation

this one, definately tho...cute little boy...sad they cant jsut grow up in their true gender. but they probably are programmed to think they are the nephilim hybrid or something..

Wynona Ryder is a MAN

winonas adams apple is prevalent when she was younger. i want to do sketches..of these celebs at their manliest. i mean, its just so apparent, when you see it. you cant unsee. sigh. the baph is real. oh yeah..and mike loves winona. not wynona tho some say its a mandela effect!



#asmr/transvestigation/mukbang/mandela effect!

Drew has a very straight back. and teh shoulders, reminds me of a guys shoulders. i love to squeeze my boyfriends shoulders, you know? hug them etc. she has shoulders, manly shoulders, that i would feel safe hugging. im going to do a photoshoot of myself, at 154 lbs. im not super skinny as the photo i provided below, thats ok tho. im going to do a shoot, of my back and all that. yes, i gained weight, but my hips are still there. they are not non existent! in the photo i provided of myself, (3 years ago or so), it does look like i have adonis belt tho !!! 

Lori Brown..?? commenter

this is weird. i have seen a Lori Brown commenting on many transvestigation videos, but its not me.

Drew Barrymore Transvestigation

yoooo...there are pics in this video. straight male back, where did her 'curves' go? her skull structure. she goes 'drag' full man, at the end. she actually looks like a dude. i kind of feel like stealing people who i know are real women, their pics and posting them here JUST TO SHOW! for instance, my sister resembles drew barrymore, of course lisa is a REAL FEMALE! so um...they can look like someone you know, but if i post lisas pictures, she dont have that skull structure as drew, or that body shape. you may gain weight, but true female hips will still be there, not just lost...ill post some pics of drew later. im tired..i guess

INTERSEX

ok, now its starting to make a bit more sense. XX is female chromosomes. XY is male. You can be born with XY and still have a vagina, breasts, AND A UTERUS!?? Hmm...ok. this is really interesting to me, its tricky. we have been tricked tho. Gee, I'm here even thinking, I wish I was born with some XY chromosomes, that way, I get the best of both worlds! Meaning, pretty features but also masculine. We have been so conditioned to lust after all these female celebs, or even porn stars at that, who LOOK NOTHING LIKE REAL WOMEN, IN REAL LIFE!! There's a girl at walmart, she was a csm, now shes dept manager elsewhere, she looks like carrie underwood, if carrie had ONLY XX chromosomes. you see, she has a weak female skull, and a normal female body. carrie, well...there are pictures of her looking very SCARY with her manliness...

we think that look is beautiful tho, gorgeous, exotic, famous. we have been deceived.

Transgendering IN THE WOMB. MUST SEE.

ok..jon humanity .explains it a bit in this video (and many of his other ones)  he stopped doing transvestigations tho. its like, playing dress up or make believe. these people look like real females or males, even have the genitals of what they are portraying. they can fool us. they can fool themselves. 'im a real woman, k? i have a real vajay" sure. BUT DO THEY GET THEIR PERIODS? OR HAVE REAL SPERM? only way to find out, is to hook up with one of em. idk..it doesnt mean they arent a man, or a woman. scientists and satanic mk ultra bloodlines did it. YAH! but for real tho, watch the video at least. this is happening!

What is the difference between Transgender and Intersex

i think these MK ultra celebrities are intersexed...meaning, they have both chromosomes, but can have genitalia which resembles what they are supposed to be. for instance, you see a large male skull of stormy daniels (moss was just posting about her), but shes a porn star and actually shows female genitalia, could be that she is actually intersexed, and they do this on purpose. they are able to morph the chromosomes in the womb. think about it. they can do all kinds of cloning stuff and who knows, so yeah, they change the sex or do what they must in utero

California Mayor: Donald Trump Not Welcome

mosses friend. he says they went on a date friday, but not sure what he means by date. like, a romantic date? or they just met and went to dinner? and then moss went out with another woman the next day, and hes going out with another woman tomorrow night. geez moss, such a lothario! anyways...she does not like trump one bit. lol!

moss just said 4 dates in 4 nights. uh, hes such a creep. i hope he didnt have me around to further this weird like, image he is trying to muster. just so odd....

ripped out jeans

So, I was scrolling through fb. i see a post about ripped out jeans, and I was wondering, "How would that look for real tho?" A few scrolls down, a DIFFERENT PERSON posted this. (I know, algorythms still tho)

Neon Uterus

The other day, I was reading a bunch of vigilant citizens articles. I read this one, about Iggy Izaleas new video. In it, he mentions something about the use of neon halos etc.

Throughout the video, most of the religious symbols are surrounded by neon lights. The same neon crosses were also seen on The Weeknd’s Starboy and Kesha’s Praying – which both have profound occult messages. What do the neon lights symbolize?

According to an Iggy Twitter post, the video takes place in a “neon-Cathedral” and portrays a “neo-futuristic religion”. What religion is that? A cleverly disguised, extremely deceptive form of satanism?

Neon lights are usually associated with urban sleaze and decadence: Shady businesses, gambling, strip clubs and so forth. Funny how the neon capital of the world, Las Vegas, is dubbed “sin city”.

In the video, symbols associated with the realm of the holy and spiritual (crosses, halos) are surrounded by these man-made, electric devices associated with depravity. In short, neon lights desecrate these symbols. Last year, I analyzed a movie entitled The Neon Demon and it was all about the occult elite’s rituals in the fashion world. The elite appears to love the symbolism associated with neon lights and the movie’s name says it all.

Ok, so, tonight, Moss brought up the neon uterus, which is hung up on the Standard hotel, the standard sign itself is backwards. its UPSIDE DOWN, signifying as above so below

so moss brought up the neon uterus, tonight. he said he wants to ask the mayor of weho about it, hes going on a date with her tomorrow.

 i remember, i read about it when i was just in hollywood. we took a picture of it. its for the #metoo movement. the uterus wears boxing gloves. 

well, after moss said, that, i was watching the spiesgirls video, and i see a uterus, with boxing gloves.

SYNC!

total synchronicity. i posted it in the sync group (i added moss), he comments "neon uterus' which made me remember the passage i read from the VC page. well, neon lights represent debauchery, sleaze. the fact that they (supposed FEMALE artist) put the uterus in a NEON light, makes me wonder. perhaps its the debauchery of the uterus/transgenderism/baphoment/as above so below/the standard...

things are done deliberately. i wonder what they mayor is going to say to him. he texted her about it just now.

so moss wanted to know what that sign means? um, its not the FAKE METOO MOVEMENT! ITS THE NEON DEMON! IN YOUR FACE! neon demon is a movie ABOUT hollywood too! ill link the articles...

https://vigilantcitizen.com/musicbusiness/iggy-azaleas-savior-its-occult-meaning/

https://vigilantcitizen.com/moviesandtv/neon-demon-reveals-true-face-occult-elite/

the synchronicity i had while watching the SPIES GIRLS videos 

as above so below

elle fanning, she was in the neon demon. i JUST DID a transvestigation video about her too

article about the neon uterus

https://www.thecut.com/2018/02/a-giant-neon-uterus-comes-to-sunset-boulevard.html

so that sign, well...it really symbolizes something much more than the metoo movement. i just investigated the heck out this all, thanks to some synchronicities too

so moss has a date with the mayor of west hollywood. he told me that tonight. made me think of saved by the bell thing. its a new diner in WEHO id like to go too.

saved by the BELL!?? THE BELL OF THE THIRD EYE!??!

DING!

BELDING! MR BELDING! I NAMED MINE MR BELDING! (my line that got cut from return to nuke em high 2)

what moss texted the mayor:

<<If I had come to a council meeting and said: “What the city needs...is a public art instillation, on Sunset Blvd., of a rotating neon uterus,” would you have had security escort me out?>>

what she texted him back:

She texted me back: <<Nope. But we did it anyway!>

Its Lindsey Horvath...shes a council member, not mayor??

https://www.lindseyhorvath.com/

oh nevermind, yeah, shes mayor now. moss is friends with her.

i kind of want to just..cut out from drinking. so, i have homework to do...to manifest! i am constantly getting synchronicities, and im not even vegan nor do i practice yoga. do i want to open my third eye? um, not really? not trying to bring in demons!?? oh it was weird, this morning..well, i was sleeping in my room, i heard something fall. so this morning, i see it was my picture. its cuz the command strip gave. i also noticed, my mini slot machine was pushed to the side, and my owl figurine was turned around, facing the wall (its on my tv stand)..i was like, ok maybe marble pushed the slot machine, but then i saw the owl. its heavy so marble didnt do that. you know? but of course it could of been from when i dusted the tv stand..but i really do not recall doing all that, im ocd about things so i would of put it back to normal. im not stressin. God is good. 

so, mike came over. see, that guy john, the tsa guy who is now an overnight security guard at the hospital. he started msging me about hanging out, but i work on wknds so i never did. also, i dont know if he is just trying to get layed, so i just avoided it all together.

well, he was off this week, so he wanted to hang out. well, i didnt want him to pick me up here. my neighbors are nosy, and mike was just there. i kind of didnt even want to go, but i told him i would meet him at soma, (south main, a bar on the river)..i didnt even want to drink tho, or drive. he could of picked me up i guess. i was just meaning to meet him for a drink. well, i drove there, (after mike left), to soma, met him. he was sitting at the bar, but i suggested sitting out on the back deck, so we did that. we had our beer, and i was trying to be chill and normal. but then we both laughed. well, the sand bar is a bar that is below soma, and it was loud and rowdy, for a wednesday night. i was telling him thats a loud and rowdy place. then i made a joke about the biker bar from peewees big adventure, and we both laughed about that. mike doesnt laugh at my jokes like that. it really felt good to connect with someone at that level. and he says he goes fishing upstate new york. nice! i like guys who enjoy fishing and what not. you know ? and i kept thinking about how he would get along with my cousins in canada, who hunt and fish. also my parents would like him, he has interesting stories about fighting off all the weirdos and sad people high on drugs. hes an overnight security guard at the hospital. he has a full sleeve tattoo done. idk, i used to like him a bunch when i would see him at the airport. shrug. so i was starting to feel like, 'its good to VIBE with someone. its good to laugh and connect' .. .well we wanted to walk down to the sandbar to check it out. he really enjoys kareoke, and gosh darnet, they were even singing kareoke. walking outside with a fresh buzz felt nice too. but i didnt want to stay too long, nor did i want to keep drinking. he said he didnt want to either, and he was talking about driving back. well, we get there, we have a light beer, and he puts in a song to sing too, (james-layed...he has picked that song out plenty of times when we used to hang out too). i could tell he was having a good time. he mentioned us getting an uber one night and just hitting up all the pburg bars. haha! that would actually be fun. see, mike doesnt like doing shit like that. and john always pays for drinks etc. well, he wanted to do shots, so he was doing shots of brandy. i had a shot of fireball, but then i really wanted to go home. i was telling him im leaving, but i think he was really too drunk and didnt pay attention, so i just walked out of there. he could of walked me to my car, but he was busy talking to other patrons. so that kind of turned me off, but also, i think i gave him the vibe that he aint gettin nothing! like, hes not gettin LAYED! or laid, like the song? so he just, stopped paying attention to me? also, even tho i say mike is boring etc, i am very loyal, and it just didnt feel right. mike and i are not commited, i dont know what the deal is with him. he says and does shit that i dont like too. but i just...i dont want to be with anyone else, i dont like the idea of cheating, or even meeting someone for a drink, like i did last night. so i drove home, i sat on the couch, tried to watch a few videos but i was so tired, i just went to sleep. i msgd john this morning, he said he had a friend pick him up and he got his car this morning...(what he told me...but who knows...??)...i dont know. i think it would be fun to date him, but at the same time, i get a sleazy vibe from him as well. hes funny tho, well, in his northampton pa way. and you know, i like deep pa, and those bars. ha! bars. well like i said, i want to cut down on drinking anyways. enjoying a glass of wine and good convo at dusk is nice tho. mike would never.

thats something i can do with jay, but jay never msgs me back SO FUCK HIM!!

>:(

but mike is trying. he bought the vegas trip and booked it with his credit card. hes trying. i guess. he just needs to up it up. i want a kid, you know? im not 20, im gonna be 40. blahhh

the spies girls

they live in holland. they are vegans. they are self proclaimed 'manifesting fairies' (faeries?)...they are fun, free spirited, healthy souls. they live in a nice house.

they charge 88.00 per month for a subscription to their youtube channel, basically. they charge 8,000.00 or more, for an astrological reading.

they charge 20k for them to be your own, personal guidance counselor and whatever i dont know, i'll find a link.

i mean, what? ok, so i got good advice. i enjoy the videos, but quite honestly, i cant afford 88.00 a month.

so, i called my bank to make sure that the next bill doesnt come out. or whatever. if it was 20 a month, yeah, but 88.00. i just cut my cable. really. im barely getting by. do i want to manifest greatness, wealth, money? sure!

so, i clicked on a video and it took me to the youtube channel. i see, 100 people already watched it. so...it they have 100 subbers, a month, well, 88.00 x 100= 8800.00 a month!?? for real!???!

FUR REAL THO!>???

seeing these numbers, is giving me ideas. now, its kind of embarrassing, but i am getting more and more subscribers to my youtube channel, each day.


maybe eventually, i can set up some sort of platform, and do more customized type videos.

ill have to be creative, but karuna saturi has 4k subs, 1.00 a month. maybe i can do 1.00 a month, or something like that????


if you have a platform, then work with it! you know??? i'm gonna keep at it. not sure why people are subbing tho. is it for the mukbangs, or...drinking a beer or smoking a cigarette. alot of guys like watching smoking videos, i know, its weird. im not trying to get into fetish or webcam girl type of thing tho. i tried webcamming, and every time i logged in, someone took me to a private chat. you get 2.95-4.00 a minute. but im too lazy for that. also, guys will come in and out of the room. but within 15 minutes someone would take me to private chat, and thats where you really get payed.

but i cant do that. i didnt like it. too weird you know? you dont even have to be intimate, you just talk to the guy or its really easy. you dont see them either. i mean, i have done nude modeling before so who cares? but i dont want to do webcamming. i just want to do normal fun videos!

we will see...

but yeah, i caught a few synchronicities with their videos. once, they were walking around their town talking about working out and fitness, and i saw that syndey passed a mailbox, and on it, it looked like it said "fitness". i think it did. and now, i was watching, and the guy was rapping and he sang about a 'negative vibe' and they were throwing around a frisbee. well when he sang 'vibe' the frisbee showed 'vibe' ..its like, vibrations!! you know!?? i wish i could afford to stay subscribed to their vibe, but at the moment, its really hard. now mike wants to go on a trip, and its going to make me struggle i know it. moss is mad, well, that was a PAYED TRIP too. and i could of met JT and jack.

well whatever...


i want to try going vegas. i made vegan tacos. i was watching harry, and the guy said, use black beans put in some roasted red pepper hummus, some hot sauce...cumin...so i did, but i added adobo and other stuff. i also added (ok it wasnt vegan i had some shredded rotisserie chicken! and some shredded cheese. I SO SORRY!!)...some avocado, lime, cilantro, red onion, whatever. it was SO GOOD, as lila likes to say!

oh here are their prices..i mean, if they are doing it, well than, great for them! i applaud them! im not hating, just saying:

https://spiesgirls.com/

oh here, this is fucking crazy tho. if ONE person gets this, (a rich wealthy sucker), well. they are set...for a bit

https://spiesgirls.com/product/mikispies-keynotespeaker/