Hollywood days and nights

Ok, so...Mike has been nice to me the past few weeks, which felt good, but the reason for me leaving, really is, because I know I need a break. While I love him, maybe we both need to do our own thing. While I miss him, maybe this is best. I do miss him. I miss my home. Ughh....

Ok, so I really used coming out here an excuse to leave. When Mike was being a jerk on my birthday weekend, that is when I told myself that I need to leave. We have been together for 3 years, living together for 3 years. We had our ups and downs.

Anyways, so I am out here...so I will write about the flight and what happened last night.

My parents had taken me to the airport, Mike had left early to go to work. I talked to him once I passed security. While I was waiting, I sat down and I dropped a dollar, so the dad of an Indian (Hindu not native american) family handed it back to me. They got up to get in line for their flight, but while waiting they sat next to me. The little girl handed me a subscription card from a magazine, imitating her dad with the dollar he handed me. I said, 'thank you!" and smiled. Then, she was curious in my candy crush game I was playing on my phone, so I showed her how to play. She was talking to me in Hindi, she was cute, but I needed to charge my phone so when the mother got her settled on her lap to calm down, I got up to a charger place, well I bought a few magazines for the plane.

On the plane, I sat next to a girl that looked like a model. She was dressed like one too. She was flying to LA so she might of been. I felt all plain and bland with my boring hair and clothes. Oh well!?! I was also sitting next to a young girl who had a really nice, professional camera that she kept taking pictures of the sky with. I watched a bunch of tv, like a marathon of the E! show WWE Divas. It's funny because its all the wrestlers from the show Mike watches, in reality tv format. The Bella twins were on it and the rest of them. Mostly, the 'divas'.

I was thinking, if you live in Hollywood, you HAVE to be someone. Even in New York of course. I was reading Elle magazine, (one of my free magazine subscriptions), and I saw an explanation of the sort of person who sits front row at NY Fashion week. He explained the type of person to a science, such as, 'shes young very young. she has a string of followers waiting for her to tweet about the hot new trends of fashion week. oh i just took a pic of it i will put up. point is, wow! is THIS how it is in NYLA? *fun fact britney spears old restaurant was called NYLA* i think???

who am i? no one really...i would like to be someone. who doesnt? i do have alot of ideas, stories, creations, whatever...that i need and want to do. but im not an ingenue, a mogul, a model, a mogul model, a writer (i want to publish childrens books tho) im just a humble, silly, real, honest, genuine gal!

im poison!

hmm...so thats that....so i landed at around 4, and moss picked me up. he didn't have any leads for parties, so he had me call eddie, ron, and dave pearce. ron, for one, was in malibu. he had a party for peta and moss told me to ask if i could be his date. i would not expect for ron to bring me as his date tho! he probably had another date, someone that he could probably sleep with later, that or he just wanted to go by himself in order to avoid any sort of...i dont know? he went to the peta party he said pam anderson was there, paul mccartney. it would of been cool to go too. i also called up dave, (i dont know why i had to call these people), he said moss should of asked him a week before rather than a night before and he couldn't get him on a list. and eddie said they were going to be at boa for a party at 7. well, i wasnt ready i didnt even have a dress. i wanted to buy a dress at bebe when i was back home, but moss wasnt able to set anything up. anyways, we went to the beverly center and i got a cheap, ill-fitting dress that i think i am going to return for another dress for tonight. i also got a nice faux leather studded motorcycle jacket for real cheap. i had to take a shower, (moss took one before we left for beverly center, taking up more time...why didnt he take one in the AM?) anyways, coincedentally, we ran into dave pearce at the store i was getting the dress at...?? they weren't going to any emmy parties! come on! ha! so anyways, i came back, took a shower, put on makeup etc. i looked decent, i think? so we called eddie he said boa is over (it was for NBC universal), but we went to meet up with them. we tried to get in but they told us they were shutting down. so i got in the car with mindy and eddie this other woman picked us up, moss got in his car. i just went to ensure that i would be with them cuz they always get in, but moss met up with us and you know, those guys were all bickering in the car...it was uncomfortable but more amusing than anything. the party was at the creative agency place...(across from where shannan and i stayed at when we got interviewed for E!) it was 'the night before fundraiser'.

to be continued...

(if we want to do stuff we need to start EARLY!!!)

anyways...its been a week, so lets try to remember since last week!! um...yeah so we went to that event. of course security was TIGHT! we stood outside and got a gift pack with a nice soniccare electronic toothbrush and some work out gear and stuff. we also saw lots of celebs! the tall guy from the movie 43 i just watched with mike..guy and woman from the office (sorry for not getting the names im trying to type quickly), we saw derek hough whiz by ((i did...moss and eddie and them werent really paying attention to their surroundings, especially how moss and eddie just cut in front of molly sims))...who else? jerry bruckheimer was there with his wife...oh yeah, kaley cuoco and her new fiance. i think i saw them get in the car and i think she saw me. moss was standing in front of me i was like MOVE (so she could see me!? ) ha!  also saw a bunch of people i recognize! we followed eddie to the back but security was there on walky talkies and eddie tried to show a fake badge he was wearing around his neck, and the one guy said, 'we've been watching you all night' ((hmm))...WEIRD!??! AWKWARD! lets just gooOOooo!!

eddie is all in in for himself (and mindy)...party crashing events like that is their life. whatever!??

so after that, im not sure what they did, but we went home. next day. SUNDAY! (emmys)

so...moss has a girl staying with him. Jennifer. she usually finds other things to do or other ppl to hang out with..idk? well, i came out here to get into the governors ball (although im not sure why!??!) all day moss had me call ppl like dave pearce, who said he cant get us on a list since its such last moment (LOL!! he could of gotten us on a list? ok...)..i tried to contact eddie but he didnt even bother responding back! anyways, i went to exchange my dress at the mall and we ran into dave pearce, oddly enough. weird huh? yeah so....lets see....i got another dress (i need more dresses! they were cheap at this one store).....

so...we couldnt get a hold of eddie (not sure why we needed him tho?) decided to watch the emmys on tv. beginning had an all seeing eye, i cant find the still for it now tho. oh yeah, night before we also saw uh....james cromwell who played the mad scientist type on american horror story, who turned chloes character into some sort of deformed monster...aka he was some sort of twisted programmer....so i do believe, neil patrick harris touched his eye, and they showed james cromwell oh yeah, he made a joke about watching the show on this contact lens...and it showed james cromwell. later moss gave me a link and he was standing in front of the eye. (i just thought it was kind of weird as this becomes a theme later on too)...DOT DOT DOT

so the show ended i was like, we should of left to try to get into the governers ball!?? so we did. that was the main one, but there were other parties as well. so moss kept saying, 'dont be upset if you cant get in' i hate when he says that, because i wont be 'extremely upset' i just want to try! whats the harm in that!!??? ya know? so he dropped us off (he wasnt dressed up), and we walked towards it, followed some people, and went passed the credential people and to the back and saw a bunch of ushers setting up vitamin water, and we just....walked right in!??! we passed an actress i recognize..maybe kyra..sedgewick? she was wearing a beautiful dress. we saw lots of wine on the side (gift bag wine)...and then...we just walked right into the governors ball!??! i didn't know what to think!?? it was pretty amazing!? we saw derek hough dancing at his table (lol!) my mom watches dancing with the stars. jennifer wanted a drink but i kind of wanted to walk around and see who i could spot. the thing is, you need to take pictures AS SOON as you get there, because, like kyra, they leave early to get to the next party...or to go home. shrug...

we saw eddie and mindy. i got their attention and waved but they just stuck their noses in the air and waltzed on by. illl!!! whatever!?  i saw that eddie did however, get pics with the breaking bad people, and they are the hot thing much about ado blahhhhhhhhhhh

i did spot the stars. we even were 'dancing with the stars'....we wasted alot of time in the bathroom while i was trying to charge my phone. we went to go dance, and the colbert emmy writers were there. we danced around them and even photo-bombed their pictures! it seemed like it was set up for us to photo bomb it!?? i told jen we should stick around these people. oh yeah, one of the guys kept putting EYEdrops in everyones eyes?? (we are watching you all seeing eye nod?) i thought that was kind of weird. i would of asked but jen wanted to get another drink. it took a long time and we talked to one actress (?) about the icy bar. she told me she really liked my tattoos on my arms and she made jokes about the icy bar. by the time we got back to the dance floor, colbert people were gone. sigh. and moss showed up. (we told him we got in so he went back to change into his tux and stuff)...

we did start talking to this guy who was saying he was looking to his friend in which he explained some sort of mullet with the middle of the head shaved out (at least thats how i perceived it??) and he said they have a limo and he was chatting us up. his friend did show up and he was this lovely gay man who actually had..a pompadour? i dont know!??! he smelled like nice cologne tho and was pretty funny. so...we were going to go to another party, the fox party down the road...but....we find out the guy who was talking to us was married!?? they said they were celebrating a wedding, we were even talking to the bride, but they didnt say that he was the groom? i dont know, things were getting fuzzy at that point (grey goose vodka drinks) like cucumber martinis and stuff like that...

we found the fox party (lost those people..) and they had whiskey drinks..(i had a vodka drink, i had a whiskey drink...like the chumbawumba song!??!) and we took pic with an emmy winner for modern family and we also saw another party crasher who informed us the simpsons people were over there so we went there and took a pic with the simpsons emmy winner. i wish i could of enquired about the poison but later jen tells me they were kind of rude? we were talking, (or maybe drunkenly slurring nonsense), to a pretty actress (probably about how nice her dress is?) and captain of the navy....

so yeah, moss was still with us so we went back but i went with jen to her friends house who lives real close to moss. he had on dazed and confused. the street was also flooding due to a water pipe breaking. i was pretty drunk tho i came back here and drank some more and got stupid and i slept till about 2pm the next day which was monday. then we got up and got ready to head down to hollywood blvd for the free paul mccartney concert. we found a quiet spot but the thing is, they had up this black like...you know..tarp over the gates so it wouldnt get too crowded i suppose. it was a free concert but you had to download this paper to get your wristbands to see him perform. so....we waited around. we walked here and there we walked to mc donalds. we went back to our spots. we decided to walk across the street. very crowded. some guy was smoking medical marijuana and we took a few hits, in the road! we saw dancing hippies (magic mystery bus was playing)...we found the place to get through so we did and this woman kept saying,  'you cant stand in front of me' like she was singling me out..and i was like, im not we are trying to get through..but then jen stood in front she was like, 'your ok' but then i went to go and she was like, 'but you cant stand in front of me' and i made a confused face and looked at her and she kind of winked at me. it was just weird because i think she was gay and i admitted to moss that i was attracted to someone..haha! at my job...anyways!???! older woman, i dont know, its weird!?? ha!!! she looks like steve buscemi. funny!?? who knows tho!??? i dont know why i just wrote that here...but anyways....LOL! (what am i going to do today!????) oh so we were walking and this guy approached me and gave me his wristband, and his friend gave jen his wristband...to see paul mccartney front row!!! heck yeah! i was holding it tho and so was jen she didnt even hide that it was just given to us!??! so the first security guard had said, 'they're cool they're cool' but the second one gave us a big deal and wouldnt let us through >:( we should of used gum or something to hold it in place'...we would of been up front and everyone was looking for us on jimmy kimmel. we still heard the songs play tho. we found a private kind of spot in the mall. during the day we got some free tickets, one for dr phil and one for craig ferguson. we got home after the paul mc cartney concert and i looked on instagram. alicexxx posted a picture she instagramed, of jimmy kimmel!?? he looked like he had a black eye and a bandage under it?? it was so weird. she said he almost ran her over!??! what the!??! it was like...a wink...you know? cuz we were just AT the jimmy kimmel concert, and then i see jimmy kimmel on someone i follows instagram, with a bandaid under his EYE!???! (oh and the concerts...right in front of the masonic temple) dot dot dot...

so that was pretty much that. relaxed a bit. next day tuesday. moss said he needed to run some errands. asked if i wanted to go and since i was HUNGRY i said ok (so i could get jack in the box) we had to be at CBS studios by 330 to watch the show tho...moss said we would be back in time. i needed a shower but i was going to take one when we got back...so we got jack in the box then he went somewhere...i forget? not important, then to turner broadcasting for his cable. he made such a big deal and i went to buy shoes (and heels half off...which from last night i learned, either i CANNOT wear heels or those were..well..cheapie heels, i think i need some louies or jimmy choos. i need heels that do not hurt!) louie vuitton not loubotins aka red bottoms thems are hooker heels!

hmm.......where am i? oh yeah, so moss was taking such a long time at cable place (BIG EYE CABLE!!!) so i was worried i wouldnt make it back in time. moss was finally done. i certainly did not have enough time to take a shower tho...ergh..i didnt even have time to go inside! we got jen, who was all makeup'd and stuff...i was a mess!!! ughhh!! i felt a mess too! plus i had my period. and...yeah gross.

so.........we waited around then finally we were all marched up the stairs for our seats. i figured since we got there kind of late we would have BAD seats, but...the funny thing is, the animated guy asked us how many ppl we were like us 2. so...they sat us WAY in front!!! front row!!! so then....this lady sat in the one open seat next to us. she was like, "you know this is lesbian row right?" (when she said that i felt kind of weird....wth!??) she was like, 'you dont watch the show?' i do but i forgot! i forgot about LESBIAN ROW! its so funny and strange how they sat us there!?? things were starting to feel warped...anyways ha!

the warm up producer made a joke about blood...(eh!??)...and then craig came out he threw candies which i caught it was a mint, but good cuz i needed one i was all gross and unshowered!???! (i really wanted to get dressed up and put on makeup but thanks to moss i wasnt able too!) oh yeah, the night before...i was posting about the stephen colbert and the eyedrops, so i posted a pic that my friend gave me (of how some eyedrops turn your eyes colorful) and i said, 'IM WATCHING YOU!" and then...during the show, geoff the robot said, well, craig said...well...first he made sure he pointed to his eye...(i dont feel like getting a screencap tho)......yup! then he started saying, 'the germans are watching me' and geoff said, 'they may even be in the audience" and we were sitting within his view when he talked to geoff or even his guests, so i think i pointed to my eye or something?? but....im german!!! ray romano was a guest and they did have a weird interview, talking about ball sacks and stuff haha! but that is how craigs show goes.

what else? so....after the show, we were waiting for moss to get us. we were waiting for a while. that lady came out and saw us and asked where the grove was? i dont really know about the grove. ive heard about it and i may have been there? (i was) i just...what is the grove? is it a mall? i think so. courtney and doug stodden go there alot...ha!

anyways....we soon went across the street since his car would be coming from that way, and this guy approached us. he had husky like eyes like jimmy on the delaware (jimmy says he has husky eyes)...and after a moment of talking to him, i knew he was homeless, and coming down from heroin. (since he was asking us if we were coming down from heroin?) he had a phone and he needed a cigarette, we needed a phone, but there was a charger but he acted like it didnt work. obv his phone wasnt turned on then. then, this girl with a hat, (she reminded me of a mouse, she had glasses too) sauntered up and started talking to us. i noticed she has sores and stuff on her face. druggie. yup! she started talking about doing hallucinogenics and how she smoked peyote and she thought she was a dog and her friends gave her a dog bowl and she was running around on all fours. i started to feel uncomfortable but i just remained collected because i was worried that by shaking her hand i might of started to trip....i was trying to get jen to walk away but i learned shes the type to hang out with these sort of people and do heroin with them!?? needless to say, moss soon got there and we left. jen got the girls info tho, so who knows? so then....we were going to get ron to go to a comedy show!?? i didnt have time to get a shower!!! we picked up ron and we went all the way to hermosa beach to see a few comedians, like shuly who was in dont be a menace to south central while sipping your juice (never seen that one but will have to catch it)....and.......a juggler with machetes, dom irrera. it was so funny! i really did LOL! and of course they cracked jokes about ron! so after the show we got to hang out with them and listen to them tell stories about sam kinison (im helping moss with a sam kinison documentary/spoofumentary)...anyways, shook their hands.

after that...well, came back...went to bed. (i sleep on the couch) i get tired easily here and its easy for me to fall asleep. something in the air i guess.....

next day...wednesday!? i think.....i went to walmart with moss to get bathroom carpets (i need to stand on cushy bathroom rugs...not a thin hotel bathroom rug he uses. also got a comforter to sleep with, and food shopping. what else what else!??! came back...jen came back from wherever she was and slept all day!?? i met up with my friend george and we went to this cool place, the oldest house that these sisters lived in, who were witches. it was old fashioned. it had a library speak easy feel to it. we had to wait in groups to get in. i didnt know what was going on? we all walked up in a group and there was this girl dressed up old fashioned sitting on the bed. it was an old fashioned bedroom with a lantern. pretty cool. then the bed moved and it revealed stairs. so that seemed cool but then we were in the house...old fashioned house, but...it was very anti-climatic after that entrance. ha! we met up with jacqueline (the girl i was supposed to work with at comic con) and her childhood friend from wisconsin, who totally looked out of place but it was cool because he had a glint in his eyes, like someone who isnt from here!?? maybe someone who was in the army...or PRISON! who just saw alot of beautiful mountains. and jacqueline actually reminds me of my old friend kate! i wonder what happened to her?

we went outside and there was a sort of redneck mountain looking band playing on the porch. i kept thinking of those chuck e. cheese bands with the bears, and some moonshine. but of course, look around! its all LA hipster types. delicate clothing for the girls...hipster hairstyles and what not for the guys. perfect lipstick. the sort of carelessly applied caringness attitudes you feel when you are out here. (especially when i am well aware of how unkempt i am! even if i try to dress up (which honestly...honestly, oon-nestly (canadian accent)...i dont have! i dont have alot of clothes!) and my hair is flat and staticky! i can look good...IF and IF i had the funds to really buy the kind of clothes i prefer, but i dont!??) oh, i thought i spotted an eric wareheim type when i first got there. i always feel like i see tim types too. ha! whatever that is?

we left to go to the five oh four bar after (where jen said she saw an extremely drunk andy dick the night before), we started talking to some german guys....george said he had to wake up early for work tho and we left, before i asked, 'oh so are you the german guys who are supposed to be watching us?" (ha! im a weirdo AND I LIKE IT!!!) he walked me back to here and i hung out for a bit then i went to sleep.

thursday! what did i do during the day? im not sure?? oh! i almost forgot, on wednesday moss set me up an appointment with his therapist, dr. judy. so i went. at first she was trying to figure out why i was there, why did moss want me to see her so bad. so i told her about mike and living with him and how he treats me and his mother (talked about him tho, what about me? and why i do things the way i do, or why i am the way i am?)...but she said he doesnt sound healthy and is psychotic and has the potential to hurt himself or me (i told her some stuff)..and that to me, sounded very over the top and that upset me. but you know....her house was very nice..up in the hills. relaxing, peaceful house. i just feel put on the spot talking to someone, and then i just....i dont know? i did end up crying tho, because i was thinking what if? what if mike hurt himself? so mulholland drive is nice but i got motion sickness from moss' driving!??!

fade into you remake by au revoir simone (lol just had to say that song played after i felt all confused about mike and mike likes that song)...you know how after you cry and you just have this weird sense hanging around? especially after seeing how beautiful it is overlooking the canyons...

so...thursday night was going to go out...with jen and meet up with my friend candi. so jen and i got ready and we walked to powerhouse because we saw they have cheap drinks there. so...as we were about to walk in, two random mexican guys were like, 'are you going in? can we come in?" and jen was like, 'i dont care?' so of course they did. ugh rolls eyes....i dont mind talking to guys and having them buy drinks, but be sort of critical of who you talk too! not just some guys rollin in from the streets. but he mentioned blunts and she really needed to smoke one. whatever. i told her to go smoke if she needed too and i was going to wait there. the bartender was like, 'yeah i saw her just leave with them' i texted her and told her to be careful and come back asap. she did. i was talking to a guy next to me. see, i casually chat. im not going to go and leave and smoke weed with ya tho!!! so after that her friend (the nice neigbourly guy) met up with us and we all walked to this country western bar that had beer pong. we played some beer pong and candi and her co-worker came by. they were cool but some guy (idiot type guy) came by with a shot of whiskey and he was like, 'you want this?' i said NO! because i knew if i drank it hed be around. candis friend seemed kind of cool (she was gay or bi or something) later she seemed kind of shady and untrustworthy tho, like uh.everyone out here? we then went to the vampire bar (i call it? i forget what its called now? burgundy room) that guy followed us. he would not leave!??! it was very annoying. her friend had coke and wanted to do some lines in the bathroom. whatever!?? idk...then we went to that other bar (forget the name...punk/biker bar...but not really....more like another scenester bar)...then we went to piano bar. i dont know, it was cool but her friend didnt give me a ride back we went to candi's place and then i went to her place and got stuck there. moss finally picked me up. what a nightmare. i dont like the drugs!!! its not really my scene ya know? i slept so late the next day. awful! slept woke up, then slept till 5. felt so off-putting and gummy. yuck. so then, moss kept asking about the frankie valli show. at first i was like, nah...but then i got a shower and decided to just go why not? i didnt put on makeup tho. we had to find a scalper, who finally found us. oh yeah, we saw ray romano there lol! we went inside got some popcorn, sat up in one of the last rows (second to last), got some coke (the soda!) and watched the show. it was good! i took really quick clips on instagram (not full songs. no one has the attention span for that anymore) there was an after party but we didnt have a wristband even tho we were on the list....but we were able to stay at first the guy was weird tho. (oh yeah one woman patted my butt..ha! she bumped into me seemed on purpose tho)we took a pic with ray romano, who said the craig ferguson interview was weird. moss did his thing with his old fashioned cameras where he takes one parellel and the other long ways and when he handed it to me ," because he doesnt think i got the pic", i just dropped it, then we saw frankie valley and wanted to take a pic with him. everyone was surrounding him finally we were able to and moss goes, 'she got a tattoo of nj because she likes it so much' and he looked frightened by my tattoo (because the NJ devil is on it!??) and he kind of...yeah, seemed freightened...frightened. and moss' nervous energy made it worse! they had pizza there from mulberry street and moss tried to get the second pic (that i did NOT take because a. no time, and b. just rude) but i was like, 'moss just let him have his pizza!'

we did leave tho, and we decided to check out the rainbow. at first i just wanted to go home, but im glad we went. we checked out the whiskey a gogo and on the way to the rainbow, we saw mickey rourke hanging out outside talkign to some girls. he seemed very cool, i think. moss told him he knows ron or said something about ron and he started talking about a contest they had. ha! i got a pic with him.

on the way to rainbow, we also passed singer kelis (i recognized her but her hair was straigtened not like in her video)....also, chuck zito was there too so moss told him we saw frankie valli and mentioned the mulberry street and chuck seemed upset because i guess he just talked to frankie and he didnt invite him. which in turn, made chuck even more mad at moss, the bearer of bad news!

we didnt stick around tho, but im glad i went out. got some good pics!

that was friday night. saturday night, lets see....i wanted to find something to do....so.......i thought jen wanted to hang out. i posted on craigslist (yeah...i did...shamefully) got lots of replies only took two in consideration (i said two girls looking to go out blah blah blah no money free drinks?) got lots of replies...the 2 i took into consideration was a gay guy who wanted to go to the gay clubs (which i would go too!), and this guy who sent a pic and he was really good looking! lol!! but we ended up taking a cab out to the movie short they were filming for...(i kind of didnt want to go out bar hopping at the same time. i get in trouble that way...and i didnt want to be stuck either, if that so happened.)

a few things. this was for a FAKE party scene. meaning, it was fake! we were supposed to dress up as if we were going to an exclusive hollywood party. so, i had nothing else to wear except the only black dress i have. (i was wearing my yin yang leggings and a cool shirt...maybe i will wear that tonight?) i grabbed my bookbag and got the heels i have, and a change of clothes. so.....we got there. at first it was the wrong house!? i was like, 'whut?' thinking they didnt like how we looked and told us wrong house) but then the attractive, richy looking guy got in his car and showed us where to go, he even went into the mansion house. it was a young crew. nice. of course, perfectly coiffed hair and make-up girls. (my hair and makeup were sub-par), wearing filmy dresses hollywood-esque, or the one girl wearing her cow-print acid washed shorts and gladiator shoes...long brunette hair and 'wild, anything goes 'ill be the slut girl in the pool!" yar yonder....hardy har har.

another perfectly makeuply coiffed redheaded girl made condescending jokes like, 'ill do anything so people will think im cool! i'll do COKE! i dont care (as when jen said, i did coke last night...*i just glanced at her HUH!??) then the girl said, 'i'll do meth!" (she was kidding of course!) i felt like saying, 'ooh meth! ever since breaking bad is what everyone talks about, i've been wanting to do me some meth as well!"

alot of gay guys too, pretending to be 'jock type party types'...hanging around. it will look good for the movie short tho! cant wait to see it. HIGH-larious! jen kept talking about how she wanted a drink, and she kept smoking cigarettes. i didnt smoke any cigarettes or make myself a drink. the one girl told us it was prop drinks. whatever. beeyotch! the director had vodka so he said jen can have some. idk...i just shrugged. i wanted to be one of the cocaine girls (it would of been funny) but they had us as the intro into the party girls)...we were in a few other scenes??? i think. i hope! thats why i did it after all. kind of feels like they didnt really have us in the camera tho? they had the makeup girls and good hair and extra looking clothes....oh one girl was annoying as well, trying to act like a party girl and being all loud and fake...sort of...mocking like? like we would be too stupid to think they were being serious? i really pay no attention to those sort of people. i dont care enough to make a big deal about it.

it was weird tho because one of the gaffers (?) idk...was singing 'sherry baby'...frankie valley song? and i just posted that song night before? odd!!!

(there were butterflies and egyptian stuff all over the house too)

anyways, it got very long and the one mustang they used for the beginning, we were talking to the guy who was the owner of it, who seemed like a 'doooood' or a crazy' reminded me of....flea? from rhcp....mixed in with a white boy thug? actually...just thought of that now.

jen made it clear all night she wanted a drink or coke or drugs....blah blah blah!!! so they invited us to go to 'the warehouse' (a club or something which stayed open till 6 am to which i replied AAHH). moss was there to pick us up but left because he was waiting a long time (thought we were going to get out at midnight...turned out to be a bit after 1am)....so jen was going to go with the guy so i needed a ride back we got in his loud mustang everyone was pointing at it cuz its such an ill ride (ha!) nah it was nice tho! but he was driving crazily with the engine all loud and eminem blasting....so he dropped me off. jens a big girl if she wants to go shes allowed too. i told her to be safe. well...i came back and went to bed. she came back this morning for a bit smelling like old perfume and cigarettes, then took off again. she hasnt gotten any sleep!? i cant do that sort of thing? i dont know where she is now. sad. i tried texting her??? im sure she is with some guy she met on the streets, or craigslist, or whoever. shes a nice girl, shes just lost.

anyways....finally! i caught up! wow!!! so tonight CROSS FINGERS!! breaking bad party!!!! but for now, a shower and some KFC!

also talked to mike on phone.

oh yeah im also upset because i acidentally deleted the video footage i took of jimmy on the delaware he gave a tour of his campsite and i also took some footage of us drinking our pabst in the river while country music was playing. i was trying to represent east coast river baby style since ppl out here in hollywood (hollywood scenester type who have no clue)....blah i dont know!? hollywood hipster los feliz delicate items of filmy dresses along with straightned wheat hair, red lipstick, condescending comments, metrosexual gay boys....funny actor types.........creative creatings the creators....of creotine....BOOOOO shower time now

hi

lots to post about i just need to make the time (i started one...but i have much more to add!??!) i will! i am SO TIRED!!! -_-

Friday

So....I am packed and all, I suppose. Not really ready idk...went to perkins with mike. marble got out for a bit earlier. picked up check. so tomorrow is my flight. yay! dulled yay. we'll see how things pan out!??!  we will see....

im not sure about anything anymore!???!

i feel so nuetral about everything!!!

events in LA

(while) i am out there...there are a few things i want to check out, although i do not know the dates off-hand

-Sunday Governors Ball (cross fingers)
- Monday- free Paul McCartney concert at Jimmy Kimmel stage
- Tuesday- free Justin Timberlake concert at Jimmy Kimmel stage

- Oct 18 HUGE comedy show
Oct 17- Conan live taping
Rob Zombie Halloween Party
Playboy Mansion Halloween Party


also....

disney halloween days
warner brothers VIP tour


and whatever else they have!??!??!

Ideas and essentials

Essentials-

Clothing
Comfortable, loose fitting shirts (terry-cloth type material, soft material)
Bandeau and spaghetti strap camisole type shirts (to wear under sheer material button-downs, or ups)
Racerback tank tops, long
Long, flowy shirts
Loose -fitting vests (where can i find these???!!??!)
Juicy couture tracksuit (the comfy looking kind nothing 2002 and trendy looking!!!)
Gap or Hollister boyfriend cut jeans, faded wash
Cowboy boots (Affliction) also this really soft, loose shirt I saw at Affliction (hey, I like it!)
Padded sports bra
Workout gear
Socks
More comfy bras
Nice hat

Eyes
eyeglasses
Designer eyeglasses
colored contact lenses

Cosmetics
-MAC eyeshadow
-Dior cosmetics
-Nars blush
-Lime Crime lipstick

Tattoos
-cherry blossom tree on back
-whimsical anime or pinup style girl on left arm
-ivy and roses alongside collarbone (with bumblebees, ladybugs, dragonflies)

Extras
-Playstation 3 with Alice, new GTA, more fun games!!
-speakers for iphone
- cast iron tea set
- movies
-perm (curly hair!!!)

good coat!
rings, jewelery
Dermal ear piercings
potpourri melts
jade

and the list goes on and on. luckily, i have a break from any sort of rent payments. not sure what i am going to do about my car insurance, probably keep paying it for the time being???

and eventually I DO want a new car! of course!!! but at least RCN wont keep taking 140 a month out of my bank account, and another 2something or other a month for rent. i can actually work and save money!

I have been looking at tours of homes, and I just have to say, it makes me REALLY TRULY want a nice house to adode in!! a HOUSE!! not a little apartment with a tiny living room. and i LOVE SUNSHINE!!!

I am not sure if I am still going to live with Mike when I come back, but I want to rent out a HOUSE! possibly rent to own.

This is MY LIFE i am talking about now!!!

I NEED to figure out a career/job path! I just DO! And I want to get married and have kids. Mike has made it clear that he does not want kids or to get married. I love him, but it is time for both of us too move on. Yes, it does seem to quick. Am I prepared? No!!! I'm not! I am not ready to go out to LA. Moss thinks it is because I am going to find a job in entertainment. No, not really. I am trying
to break away from Mike, I guess. I do want to go out there, in search of answers of some sort, but I need a comfortable place to live, and yes add a MAC PC to the list, so that i can CREATE!!!

no more of this nonsense!!! I need to get my act together! i really, truly do!!!

:)

REALLY? THIS LAPTOP JUST DELETED EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING I TYPED!!!

I REALLY HATE THIS LAPTOP! what i wrote isnt really important i guess.


and im not going to even try to remember the general gist of it. forget it!

saturday

lately i have been too tired to post blog posts other than annoying journal kinds...i want to post about that model who is in the blurred lines video, also want to post about commercials with bi-racial couples in it (i dont think anything is wrong with it i just notice things)...i have a few other posts too but like i said, so exhausted, then with work, i have the weekends but thats not enough time!???!

but now since yesterday was my last day, i should have some more free time!???!

alot of ppl at my job wished me luck. it was a good place to work for, ya know??? but i do need a job that is going to pay well. im thinking of getting some sort of training (not pharm tech i need to RESEARCH what pays well , the thing is, i dont think i can become a security guard due to my DUIS)...

i want a job where i work alone tho....or, if i work with ppl i enjoy working with, its good. when you work for someone or work with someone who is just annoying!!!

oh so on the conveyor belt, they put way too many ppl on the line. they have about 6 ppl on it, 3 on each side, and then one sealer...they have the other sealer set up but the conveyor belt is just enough for one bag to be put on it , rather then piling them all up...but its like, way too many ppl on the line because the ppl up front have no space to set their bags on, because the middle and end ppl are morons! (not calling any of my co-workers morons per se, but no one pays attention or is mindful of the big picture!>?! i am tho..)

like, i would be at the back of the line...so i can leave good enough spaces so that the ppl up front will have room to put their bags rather then it being a big clusterfuck...sorry...but you know? therefore, they can have room. and i tell the other person to evenly space it. i stopped doing that tho because tammy the team leader didnt even adhere by that, since she just layed out the bags wherever without any regard to the ones in front, who constantly had to push bags back in order to make room, causing it to become this big mess! or someone in the middle wouldnt grasp that i was leaving space so they can put their back farther back to keep the space (the space between-dave matthews band, often popped in my head during the times i had to work at coldkeepers)....people have no clue or consideration! and then allison, tsk...the girl who would often fall asleep whilst working, i thought they fired her but she was gone to get examined? who knows? shes terrible she is on sealer alot and she just lets the bags fall on the floor if she doesnt seal them on time. (oh no you dont! it highligted and almost deleted all this!!!) so....they were watching...the higher ups, on camera. when i seal, i make sure it is sealed properly, and i also keep up. if for any reason i sealed it wrong or cant keep up, i will toss the bag aside to do later...when i box, i look for open bags and if i see any, i put them on the floor next to the sealer or back on the conveyor for them to fix. and i initial the boxes i pack and tape like they told us too....

oh my parents just stopped by with a toasted everything bagel w. vegetable cream cheese. i showed them some vine videos and we watched wildest police videos.

so apparently,  CVS (if i heard correctly) wants to drop penn foam if they keep receiving boxes with unproperly sealedbags..apparently a LOT of bags that are not sealed are getting through and being sent to them. they said if they see someone packing a box WITHOUT checking to see if it is sealed correctly, first comes a warning, then FIRED! and if CVS drops them, then everyone will be without a job because that is their main account! the main boss and christy and the team leaders were having a pow-wow while i was sealing (i didnt make any mistakes tho..i had a feeling they were noting that i was sealing or something about the sealing...)...i didnt make any mistakes

phew! it saved it! it just didnt save the last paragraph. i said...tammy told allison that she cannot keep letting the bags drop to the floor or she will be fired. (i wonder why they havent already someone said maybe they dont want to do unemployment?)

maybe allison wants to be fired so she can collect? doesnt matter  i dont work there anymore...

there is this woman who is drunk on cops and you can see how her life weathered her down, but aside from that, she could of been a model and age gracefully. she has those high arched eyebrows. but due to her lifestyle where she drinks and smokes, she is probably going to get more weathered and worn down.

anyways...oh yeah, there was alot of attractive females that CAN be on tv at my job. i just thought id share..or at least be on mtv road rules or real world or whatever haha i dont even watch those shows anymore...

oh boy! i need to take shower and stuff!!!! hopefully we can go to the governors ball but moss already asked his one contact he was hoping and dr drew and both said no because they dont even have contacts...

i would like to buy a dress too ya know?????? geesh! im going shopping today tho! 

update about lisa: she said she doesnt hate or despise me i just want her to know that i care about her she said we will talk soon. still, i feel like i have to be real careful and i cant be blogging about everything,  like i said, she might even be reading these? or sage?? since sage is in my circles...

i am going to make a new blog but its going to be safe from my personal life. thats the only way. because i like to blog...i just dont need to include all these personal things. as well as posting, i keep it 'peanut butter and jelly' sharing things i think are fun and goofy and NOT doing any more 'whoa is me' stuff or controversial or even truther stuff...(i may sneak in a vigilent citizen share every once in a while tho)

life goes on

and i need to stop blogging since blogger decided to share my posts with all my yahoo circles. damn blogger cant i get some internet privecy?

like i said, i will scatter about breadcrumbs to my new tumblr blog (that is...if anyone even cares!?!) haha! i doubt anyone does rather to garner guilt trip garnishes..

im so tired i have no clue!??!

DING DONG grandfather clock its midnight! nah it aint...1130 tho

boop boop be doop

facebook is the internet, therefore meaning, its NOT serious business! i am so sick of seeing these little insulting posts that my sister continues to make, while she insults me. for instance, just tonight she posted about seeing a documentary about kids in haiti, who have to work strenuous hours with no pay or food, exhaustion. these are terrible conditions, yes, i agree. i understand that they work sweatshops 7 days a week in hot, terrible conditions, often times passing out. i have expressed concern about this too. but its not to seem humanitarian or sister theresa in any way. people cant win. if they donate to charity, others will say they are doing it for the attention. or if they want to help, what are their true intentions...right?

so, as i was saying, she has been insulting me. ever since that bachelorette party, where she thought i purposely forgot my purse so i would get attention on her night. are you kidding me? i offered lisa the front seat because i was trying to be nice. my purse fell out. i never wanted to ruin her night. i was the one stuck outside while no one even cared, in the cold, but i didnt ruin it for lisa..i wanted her to have fun.

then, the thing about marta where she thought i thought it was about me, shes confused, because she called me and told me its not about me, when i never even commented on it. then she had the nerve to say some really hateful things. really truly mean things. like i never got attention so now i use facebook to get attention from creeps. not true. i never delete ppl unless they are outright rude or disrespectful.

she told me at least 5 ppl had to ask her what is wrong with me and they had to delete me off facebook. well, how pleasant!

the other day she invited me to a surprise party they want to throw for marta, to make marta feel better due to her loss. i support marta, and i have emailed and msgd marta about my concern. it is imaginable the pain she has to of went through when her whole world shattered when she lost the babies.

of course, lisa insulted me on that one too. well, a get together is in plan, but i cant go...i wouldnt even want to go. i would feel too uncomfortable. i feel like all lisas friends hate me and feel the same way she does about me. im stupid, selfish, ignorant....lame brained, grand illusions, delusions, vile, disgusting, lazy...etc

im lazy because i get food stamps because i applied because my parents told me too before i started working and i am still eligible for them since i make less then the amount so i qualify. maybe i posted too many pics of my dinners and that pizzed her off. jen just told me she liked seeing my dinners...or maybe because, as lisa commented, because i was working out and eating healthy, that im living it up like some sort of superstar, and im bragging about it. no way!

oh no! the paragraph just highlighted and disappearred...

i said i have posted when someone upsets me oh why did it delete??? this sucks!!!

i tried to stop posting the 'cry me a river stuff' she says thats all i post. no, i try to keep my posts 'p b and j'...

tonight she has posted something about watching a documentary on a sweatshop in haiti, where kids dont even eat but they work, and that lazy people 'with options' whatever that means...get

i told lisa she can get EBT if she makes under 1400 a month. she is the LAZY one! shes too LAZY to get her paperwork together and submit it! meaning, paystubs, bills with name in it, any other bills etc...

so basically, she posted a 'heartfelt concern over sweatshops in haiti' disguised as insults and jabs towards me. she even said, 'its not always about you, but it may include you'...what does that even mean?

she wanted to get me upset so that i would retort on how im going out to LA because i am not happy here she said i am going to LA because i want to be a model and an actress. NOT TRUE at all! in fact, thats another post tho... people are jerks and bitches and dicks and assholes towards me. carpe diem, like the tattoo SHE has! sk o when i respond because my heart starts beating super fast and i get all flushed, and i respond by saying im not going out there to be a pretty pretty princess but this and that, it really does become all about me, and shes right! i made it all about me! right? wow she is cunning huh? like a fork ....toothed snake. shes always been that way tho

hypocrite much?

the only thing i can really think of is, shes on some kind of meds, (as she has said so and it makes her act that way) drinking, and matts a big dickhead to her...and she feels stuck in that little house in nowhere PA while she sees i can go on trips and i am a 'free spirit' i suppose,,,,so she feels bad and is taking it out on me.

it still hurts tho. i want to have a relationship with her. i really do. i hate that she despises me and thinks of me as this disgusting, lazy, selfish, vile idiot. lenny from mice and men....

and she knows how to get to me too....therefore making me rash and hash i even said hash actually i said haggish....

hag

i called myself a tween hag....cuz i wants to be a veteranarians when i grows older gosh be gosh boop boop be doop!

my marble cat!

she wont be happy with mike. he doesnt give her any affection. she will be happy with me! and i will make sure of it! im not leaving marble!

bad enough the fish all died, oh and mike made me kill one of the fish! it was awful!!! (we didnt know it was still alive) im still traumatized about it. i cant talk about it!!

im going to bed

motel shoot (i dont know if i like these tho?)

i dont know if i like these or what?? its too yellowish, there were no reflectors...the hat was too high up...i dont know...didnt turn out the way i thought it would..

wknd

ahh wknd. lets see, work was better since i was in automatic, just sucked that i had to work saturday FULL DAY so it really kind of ruined my options to do something. i was invited to go to the hot rod hoedown near philly, which i would of went to had i not have had to work...or go to parafest. i could of met nicole there but 25.00 is alot to pay to see one panel. mike didnt want to go of course. he never likes to really do anything. if it was up to him, he would sit in the basement all day. i would of liked to of been around people and be entertained. i couldnt find anyone to hang out with. i ended up not really doing anything well i got some beer and mike and i attempted to sit outside despite his constant complaining that i was making him do something he didnt want to do. really mike? this is what im sick of. we dont hang out on the weekends. we do, but we dont. we do not conversate...at all! he doesnt understand me nor does he try. so i ended up ONLINE and an old friend who used to live across the street was chatting with me. i also went on ib which i wish i didnt...no one responded in any of my posts, right?? so i just got more and more ANNOYING!!! and i stayed up till 6 in the morning!?? ugh...mike ended up pouring out my mini bar (that i have and that i DO NOT TOUCH its there just to have! i had beer remember? i wasnt going to touch the jack, red wine, or sake, thats just part of the bar) hes a you know what....i need my OWN place! so i can have company over and have respect and not have to worry about my stuff being destroyed!

so today i slept till 12 and woke up then took another nap for about 2 hours...ughhh....i hate it. it was a nice day too. i met up with chops for a drink and a quesadilla and wings at drinkys. i didnt go grocery shopping. i just feel terrible about staying up so late. i hate being myself online on weekends, i only do because mike doesnt like to hang out with me. i want to be with someone who enjoys spending time with me and enjoys my personality. 

this is my last week of work, so thats good. im still tired so i should sleep good tonight. haha!

parafest

oh if you really want the longer version of my work tirade rant is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz0Kdi_2cDk&feature=youtu.be

anyways..parafest is this weekend and even tho i work, i would still like to go. walking dead panel is 830-930, yes its 25.00 for a day pass (which sucks because i WORK!! FULL DAY >:(

anyways...ughh i doubt im going because once again, i have no one to go with. this happens to me all the time. i find cool events fun things to do, but i have no one to go with. i wish i had the time and money to go to those meetup groups, i should of did a meetup for parafest. like the tuesday night drink and draw human figures, that seems fun...or free yoga night or free belly dancing night. no one ever wants to go with me.

i think im a fun interesting person but everyone treats me like im some sort of 'bratty adult' or some weirdo, or some complainer. its NOT FAIR!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sigh....:/

youtube vlog

i made a VLOG since i didnt feel like typing and having it all disappear. i'll link it here, however, im not expecting anyone to actually watch the whole thing? the thing is, ughh....work.

i explain in the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXSJOsK9V_Q&feature=c4-overview&list=UUZKLD8VIGMqBgO2W8NIKgzw

so....yeah..im tired now im so happy next friday is my last day!!!

THIS FREAKING LAPTOP DID IT AGAIN! IM DONE! I JUST WROTE A WHOLE LOT OF STUFF AND IT JUST HIGHLIGTHED AND DELETED IT I EVEN PRESSED SAVE BUT THE ONLY THING SAVED IS THE LETTER P?

i wrote good stuff, i explained this UGH what is wrong with this stupid laptop?

i said im getting more annoyed at work. there are ppl there less then me who dont have a team leader, but im always stuck with tammy the team leader and she just gets on my nerves. she treats everyone under her like they are incapable.i mentioned how i was wrapping and at




330 when the temps left i had to stack but she hardly showed me how she was doing it so i thought it was one set of foam pads but then the conveyor belt um...it was more and i had to try to get the stacking done right and foam pads started falling off the conveyer belt and it really messed me up because i couldnt catch up to a nice steady clean pace it was very sloppy and after i tried to clean it up and stack but it took alot of time and of course tammy will think i was incapable when she didnt show me how to stack not like i needed her too. she also tells me to do things that i dont think make sense blah i wrote all that down and its all gone. i said the other team leader was cool but she is 2nd shift now. this laptop SUCKS

i said id rather work alone which is why i daydream about being a security guard overnights at at abandoned warehouse. im someone who prefers to work by myself and not have to deal with ppl that get on my nerves or make me nervous, like jarvee hutcherson from MMPA or suzette from heartland pharmacies. ugh

i said what i would really like too is write i have a super imagination i just need to really put focus and every OH NO YYOU DONT NOT AGAIN it threw a few letters in the words above but ahh...and it highligthed a word in blue..




focus and energy i said. now i must go to sleep but you know what, friday the 13th is my last day, and then i go to LA the next weekend. i mean, moss keeps saying he will get me a job in hollywood so im like, 'sure moss! cuz i want to be the president of hollywood!"

come on now...

this weekend

seriously? it just deleted everything i just took the time out to post? this laptop sucks! if i click the wrong thing, it highlights and deletes it. i cant stand this. i was explaining how slowly one by one the fish died we assumed the algae eater was dead because it was curled up in the corner of the pirate ship and wasnt moving. i think something affected the ph levels in the tank that killed them. well mike told me to dump the fish in the toilet and flush it so i did, but it started swimming!?? it wasnt dead. mike made me clean the tank and take out water and add new water every two weeks and i think it harmed them maybe too much stress for the fish? but yeah the algae eater started swimming so i tried to get it with the net but couldnt it swam down the toilet and never came back :( well actually first time i eventually flushed it because the bacteria will kill it but it never flushed ugh i feel terribly depressed now...:(

what else?? hmm, ok so this weekend. friday i did not do anything because mike had to work. i could of went out. seamarina wanted to go out and later sara msgd me to meet them in bethlehem but i didnt go. saturday we wanted to go to the beach. i have been telling mike for ages that we need to book a room in advance, we were having problems finding a room. well finally he found one so we reserved it and drove down to pt pleasant.

we went to the beach and hung out for a while, walked in the water with the waves...then we had to leave because time expired. doug called mike i guess he was visiting his aunt there so he invited us over to eat, which was nice because they had some good food! his aunt was very nice and we also met his girlfriend. we had gazpacho, which i never had before, but its really good! also had mozzerella and tomato salad, bread, grilled corn on the cob, some grilled london broil, and grilled chicken. everything was so good, and washed it down with a pina colada. the aunt needed more rum so mike and i walked down to the liquor store to get some brews and rum, and we came back had a few then doug, his girlfriend erin ?? mike and i got a ride from the aunt (we felt like kids getting a ride to the boardwalk lol)

so we played some games and all but you know, i wanted to try the tiki bar but doug is cheap and he said he never bought a beer at those bars, so mike was like, 'fine well just go" the didnt really want to but i was getting bored of following doug and erin around while they played games. we played some games mike won a ball. uh...but i wanted to go and have some drinks it was saturday night why not?? but mike didnt want to pay cover so we went to some bar which was boring and they gave me a problem because they thought my id was fake...it wasnt! so mike was like, 'whats wrong with your id you dont have your license?' making it WORSE because he was saying it loudly in front of the bartender and i got upset i was just trying to be cool about it...well they finally approved it but mike started to get jerky and he was looking at the tv and i just wanted to have a good time and him and i NEVER enjoy each others company during the weekend. we cant just have fun together! i was getting upset and the bartender told us that they had to card because there are alot of fake ids blah blah this and that, and at that moment, we saw a bunch of girls being escorted out apparently THEY had fake ids!! but mike was being a jerk, saying, 'after this beer im leaving'....we walked too so he didnt have to worry about driving! and it was only 11pm!! ughhh

so we found doug and erin and the aunt picked us up. we had a beer with them and then we walked back. i ended up going on facebook or whatever and finishing up the rest of the brews (not beers mike got sam adams cherry wheat and cider) HE fell asleep i took some pictures of him passed out BORING!!! so i dont know...sigh

i was tired anyways so i went to sleep woke up at 9 ish next day went to the beach to check out that big sandcastle that was made by a guy to raise money for sandy (i put videos up on youtube) it was pretty cool.
so then...wanted to check out the sandcastle we went it was ok. lots of blacklights and a laughing fat lady and an amazing maze (its on youtube) and other stuff. then we went to the aquarium which was pretty cool too. saw some penquins and what not...sharks, piranhas, malamuts! i love them! wait malamut is a dog...those little monkey things i cant think of the name now...starts with an m...

anyways, we left pretty early in the day came home relaxed and stuff. later that night we went to check out burgess' new apartment and hung out with him and his new girlfriend and his roommate we all went to tally hos for a bit, it was weird too some guy was always making comments and being funny trying to get our attention he reminded me of seth green, so i took it as a sign since im going to be in LA soon...ya know? thats just how i like to think, so whatever! like he was set up to be like that...mike thought they were all dancing with molly, tho...because they were acting odd...mikes dumb dumb

IT DID IT AGAIN! IT HIGHLIGHTED AND ERASED A PARAGRAPH im so nervous about typing!??!

forget it...i said, came home blah blah whatever stayed up late hate when i do that i dont even remember the post about wanting babies? im dumb dumb...

i feel sad and depressed. what else? i forget what i typed. so 2 more weeks of work. :/

thats what my sister told me and it was on my mind..