pharmacy

the weather is starting to get nice out. it was so nice yesterday! i took a 3 hour nap tho, after i got home from school. also, mike took off too. we didn't do anything. its a lovely day today as well! its too bad i have to work 8 hours at the place i do not want to be. i am so sick of not having free weekends. im sick of working at LA Cafe, i really am. i just cant wait to be done with school. im sick of everything. we still need a resume in order to get a job, and like i said, my resume is shot. i dont have any steady job criteria for the past three years. now that i live with mike, i will forever be paying rent, surcharges, etc. i will never have money for myself, i will never be able to buy myself nice things, nice clothes, sunglasses, etc. i will never be a free spirit again, never be able to just take off on a whim and go on a trip somewhere. i will never have the opportunities i once had. now that i live with mike, it's time to get used to the boring, monotonous life, where i feel extremely plain, boring, dulled. i like to exprerience life. i like to do things. i like to enjoy myself. i dont want to wake up early every day for school then have to work at a depressing place, especially on a saturday, i have to be there from 12-8pm. i won't mind working m-f from 10-6 every day and have the weekends off however. all the money i make now, goes towards rent, goes towards surcharges, insurance, cell phone, now gas, and cable/internet, also i owe moss money. i have no money for myself. i am just so sick of my life! sometimes i wonder, why did i move out? because i had no space/privacy at my parents house. anyways, have to go to work soon.

saturday

the weather is starting to get nice out. it was so nice yesterday! i took a 3 hour nap tho, after i got home from school. also, mike took off too. we didn't do anything. its a lovely day today as well! its too bad i have to work 8 hours at the place i do not want to be. i am so sick of not having free weekends. im sick of working at LA Cafe, i really am. i just cant wait to be done with school. im sick of everything. we still need a resume in order to get a job, and like i said, my resume is shot. i dont have any steady job criteria for the past three years. now that i live with mike, i will forever be paying rent, surcharges, etc. i will never have money for myself, i will never be able to buy myself nice things, nice clothes, sunglasses, etc. i will never be a free spirit again, never be able to just take off on a whim and go on a trip somewhere. i will never have the opportunities i once had. now that i live with mike, it's time to get used to the boring, monotonous life, where i feel extremely plain, boring, dulled. i like to exprerience life. i like to do things. i like to enjoy myself. i dont want to wake up early every day for school then have to work at a depressing place, especially on a saturday, i have to be there from 12-8pm. i won't mind working m-f from 10-6 every day and have the weekends off however. all the money i make now, goes towards rent, goes towards surcharges, insurance, cell phone, now gas, and cable/internet, also i owe moss money. i have no money for myself. i am just so sick of my life! sometimes i wonder, why did i move out? because i had no space/privacy at my parents house. anyways, have to go to work soon.

satanic fergie dr pepper commercial

Fergie drinking Dr. Pepper, reminiscent of drinking blood out of a skull. Also dressed in witchy attired. She does the 666 sign while holding the cherry at the end. the ok sign but with the remainding three fingers held upright, aka 666.

jersey shore roundtable

what time is it? time to discuss this weeks jersey shore! mike is A-NNOYING! pitiful joke...he is a little antagonist, he's like, whats the word im looking for? you know, instigator! yes, this show is dumb, but im watching it and it is annoying me, so i am going to write....whats her name? sammi....i think she was friends with that ugly mug arvin, but i think its set up to make it seem like sammi, uh.........what the hell? i dont know? i dont think she wants that arvin dude....ha! who cares! its just that, situation really ANNOYS me! hes a 'lil' devil! HA he embarrassed himself on that donald trump roast. anyways, im tired!! BYE BYE!

marble massage

i want to take a video someday of the marble massage. shes watching me type right now. she takes her paws and kneads them on me, its so funny but relaxing...like she moves her paws back and forth, you know? like giving a massage. its so funny and cute! also, she likes to lay of her back with her paws up. hehe!

candy jones, CIA model

this is from the 40's, but they were experimenting back then...(got this from vigilant's site btw)

How a leading American fashion model came to be experimented upon by the CIA mind control team
To the world she was one of the most successful American fashion models of the 1940s – but she led a secret life as a Manchurian Candidate-style agent for the US intelligence services during the Cold War. Colin Bennett analyses this tale of multiple personality, conspiracy, hypnotic mind-control and fantasy life. Additional research by Bob Rickard.
On 31 December 1972, in the lavish apartment suite of a New York lawyer friend, the well-known 61-year-old radio presenter Long John Nebel married Candy Jones, 47, an internationally famous fashion model. The guests on this happy occasion certainly had plenty of things to talk about. The five men who broke into the Democratic National Committee Headquarters at the Watergate office building in Washington DC the previous summer were facing charges of burglary, conspiracy and wire-tapping. Already, there were rumours that this affair might go all the way to the White House. Though the guests were no doubt happy, the Vietnam campaign still had two years to run, and almost all Americans knew what the result was going to be.
Nebel was the Art Bell of his day, and his all-night radio show had an audience of several millions, but that night, his mind was not on Watergate or Vietnam. He had just married a woman whose face had graced the covers of 11 major national magazines in a single month in 1943. During the Pacific campaign in World War II, photos of Candy in a white polka-dot bathing suit adorned the interiors of ships, tanks, and foxholes.
It had been a lightning courtship – barely 28 days – so Nebel did not know his wife all that well. During the reception, he noticed a curious change come over her; within a very short time, she lost all her natural charm and exuberance. Her voice changed to that of another woman entirely and her normally fluid posture stiffened. Dining in the Ho Ho Chinese restaurant later that evening, Nebel noticed the transformation again; it was as if she were uncomfortable with the Chinese decor, wall-mirrors and candles.
While preparing for bed, Candy began speaking again in the voice Nebel had heard earlier. Even more alarming, this strange personality within Candy had a completely different attitude towards him; ‘she’ sounded cruel, mocking and cold. When Nebel asked her about it, Candy was astonished; she hadn’t noticed the emergence of another voice or personality.
However, a few weeks after their marriage, she did tell Nebel that she had worked for the FBI for some time, adding mysteriously that she might have to go out of town on occasion without giving a reason. This left Nebel wondering whether there was a connection between the ‘other’ personality within Candy and the strange trips she said she made for the FBI.
Candy was born Jessica Wilcox in Atlantic City, New Jersey, in 1925. She grew into a striking blonde, some six feet four inches (1.93m) in height. Her classic American ice-queen face was fashionable before the more accessible faces of Grace Kelly, Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe came about. Though she was brought up in a fairly affluent environment, her father and her manic depressive mother physically, if not sexually, abused her. (1) Once, her divorced father, on a home visit, crushed her fingers in a nutmeg grater, and her vicious mother beat her on the legs so badly that Candy had to wear thick stockings to conceal the welts. She was not allowed to associate with other children and was often shut in darkened rooms by her mother. It was within such rooms that the very young, panic-stricken Candy developed a family of fantasy figures to keep her company.
In her prison gloom, she visualised these characters appearing in the twilight reflections of a large wall mirror. The name of one of these magical friends was Arlene, and she was to figure crucially in Candy’s later life. Unlike the other figures of this imagined world, Arlene didn’t fade away with Candy’s childhood. As a secondary personality, she grew up and matured with Candy. Arlene’s personality was a sort of mirror-reverse of Candy’s. She had some of the characteristics of Candy’s mother: she was tough and ruthless, sarcastic and cruel, with a grating low voice, quite different from Candy’s own.
This was the voice that Nebel first heard on his wedding day. When she was herself, Candy was the most loving, sociable and charming of women; when she was Arlene, she could become dangerously vicious, even attempting one night to strangle her new husband in a professional military-style manner. Nebel concluded, not unreasonably, that the mind of his new wife had been grossly interfered with. Candy seemed to be mortally afraid of anything Chinese; she was also afraid of doctors, psychiatrists and dentists, all of whom used drugs of one sort or another. Drugs were what Candy was afraid of above all things; whenever drugs were mentioned, in any respect, Candy’s ‘protector’ Arlene would appear, to vehemently deny that such things should ever enter “her” (Candy’s) body.
Nebel discovered that the changes within Candy had a long history and their trail led right into the heart of an organisation that many of his telephone callers had been talking about for years: the Central Intelligence Agency of the United States of America. Nebel then took a grave risk: for many years, he had been an amateur hypnotist, and he decided to put Candy in a light trance, ask a few simple questions, and tape the results. There begins one of the most amazing tales of our time, as told in Donald Bain’s book, The Control of Candy Jones.
While touring military bases in 1945, Candy fell sick in the Philippines and was admitted to hospital in Leyte Gulf. There she met a Dr Gilbert Jensen (2), a young medical officer who gave her vitamin injections which probably saved her life, or at least her looks. Jensen left her his card and said he hoped she would write to him. Many years after this event she was to meet Jensen again, with almost disastrous consequences.
In 1946, she entered a rather loveless marriage to the tricky (and bisexual) fashion czar Harry Conover, who was jailed eventually for fraud. (3) The marriage ended in divorce, in 1959, leaving her with custody of her three sons and her own fashion business with an office in New York. Some time in 1960, an old acquaintance, a retired army general, dropped into this office and, in the cause of casual conversation, asked Candy if she would allow the FBI to use her office as a mail drop. She assented, and also agreed to deliver mail for the FBI when travelling on business because, at the time, she thought of this arrangement as a simple patriotic activity. She had no idea what she was getting into.
One of her first tasks for this (unnamed) general was to deliver a letter to a man in San Francisco while she was on business there. The man was Dr Gilbert Jensen, whom she vaguely remembered. She had dinner with Jensen in San Francisco on 16 November 1960, a day which was to affect the rest of her life. Jensen said that he now worked for the CIA and had an office in Oakland, across Bay Bridge. He said that if Candy wanted to, she could get far deeper into the covert Intelligence business, adding that it could prove lucrative for her. With three sons at private schools, Candy was short of cash and accepted.
The first thing Jensen did was to hypnotise Candy. In doing so, he found Arlene and developed her, using hypnotic techniques and intravenous injections of highly experimental drugs. He succeeded in bringing Arlene forward in Candy’s mind so that she could take Candy over almost completely. This done, he was able to send Candy (with Arlene’s voice and manner) on various experimental missions at home and abroad. Candy would change into Arlene in appearance too, wearing a wig and using a different make-up style. Jensen aimed to create a ‘perfect messenger’, one who could not reveal – even under torture – anything about the message she carried, where she came from or who had sent her.
This operation was vast and highly organised. Candy – as Arlene, the virtual zombie – visited training camps, military bases and secret medical facilities all over America. She was studied and trained in every aspect of covert action, including explosives, close combat with improvised weaponry, disguise and communications. She was taught how to kill with her bare hands, conditioned to resist pain, and shown how to counter interrogation techniques. She was shown off by a proud Jensen to the military on many occasions as an example of narco-hypnotic success: the perfect warrior. Jensen’s pièce de résistance was to demonstrate that his conditioning was so deep that Arlene would kill herself on command. An idea of the kind of moral values of the people involved here is illustrated by Jensen putting a lighted candle inside Candy’s open vagina without her registering pain or fear. He demonstrated this before 24 doctors in an auditorium at the CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia.
Candy, as Arlene, was sent to Taiwan at least twice on test missions, delivering envelopes. There, she was tortured with electric prods to see if she would crack; she did not. Deeply perverted sexuality appears to have been an implicit element in the covert agenda. In episodes which are disturbing to read, she was frequently stripped, put to bed, drugged, hypnotised and tortured by various parties, including Native Americans on American soil. She was put onto medical examination tables, suffered Gestapo-like interrogations, and was sexually toyed with by women against her will. Sexual approaches were made under hypnosis by Jensen himself, but Candy appears to have fought him off.
Of course none of this was about fighting communism. It was more an example of what Churchill called “perverted science” operating in an old-style Intelligence regime. The hypnotising of Candy was a gimmick-structure like the ‘spin’ put on the American tactical and strategic failure in Vietnam: the infamous body-count, the village ‘pacification’ programme, the useless saturation bombing, and the use of defoliants. The Americans would have been better giving the Vietnamese free Japanese television sets and putting them to sleep the easy way. But perhaps we are dealing here with something more sinister than a failed Cold War weapons system. The system might have failed against the Communists, but did it fail when it turned its head against the American State itself? Mark Chapman, Sirhan Sirhan, John Hinckley, James Earl Ray, and Lee Harvey Oswald are said to be evidence that there were other ‘Jensens’ at work in America.
Jensen knew he was taking terrible risks; he could not be sure whether Arlene wouldn’t put in an unplanned appearance at any time in Candy’s everyday life. Despite his precautions, this, of course, happened, otherwise nothing would be known of her experiences; Candy had no idea that she had been elsewhere or had done anything different from her normal round, apart from her visits to Jensen and to deliver mail. That was all she knew; the rest was a blank. After her adventures and tests were over, Jensen took her out of trance, and her conscious life became a seamless robe once more.
We only know this story from the audio tapes of Candy speaking under hypnosis and being questioned by Nebel. When Candy herself heard these tapes, she could not believe that she herself had undergone the experiences that Arlene described. From many tapes over a number of years, author Donald Bain skilfully constructed a complex four-character play between Arlene and Nebel, Jensen and Candy. Arlene is an abstraction in the head of Candy; Nebel is substance and Jensen is a shadow-figure. This drama was heightened by increasing external evidence that Jensen did indeed exist and was certainly engaged in the kind of activity Candy described. By the mid-70s, Nebel had terminal cancer and, distraught over Candy’s terrible victimisation and the suspicion that Candy had secretly seen Jensen several times since their marriage, thought of exacting revenge. He told Bain that he was going to kill Jensen, but Bain managed to dissuade him.
As a prototype for later books such as Cathy O’Brien’s Trance Formation of America and Annie McKenna’s Paperclip Dolls, Bain’s book is a brilliant achievement. Scorning a popular commercial framework, he spent a considerable amount of time extracting Candy Jones’s story from hundreds of cassette tapes. His approach was to juxtapose the abstract world in Candy’s head against John Nebel’s deepening questions, cross-referenced by the shadow-figure of Jensen. The tale went back over many years, but lacked the voice of Jensen himself; information about him and his intentions had to be reconstructed from one side of the dialogue only. Although he was only a shadow persona, Nebel was convinced that there was enough external evidence to show that he was more substantial than Arlene.
A more difficult problem was the removal of the many blocks placed, like layers of ancient brickwork, inside Candy’s mind by Jensen. Nebel tried posing as Jensen when questioning the entranced Candy; however, Arlene often noticed this tactic and warned Nebel that she knew he was tricking Candy. Arlene herself liked Jensen, whereas Candy did not. Nebel fared better when he pretended to be her alter ego, Arlene. Candy was far more comfortable talking to ‘herself’ in this way and, revealed much information about Jensen’s activities.
Donald Bain suggests that Candy, as Arlene, carried out many more experimental missions for Jensen than ever were discovered. He checked out her office attendance hours throughout the 1960s with her business manager. Over a period of 10 years, she was frequently absent under the cover of business trips on which it appeared no business was done. Fragments of these trips emerged under hypnosis, such as one occasion when she said that she carried a gun for Jensen.
Bain ends his book with a cliffhanger. Despite finally accepting treatment from straight doctors, Candy misses her Jensen fix, and becomes a secret junkie for her Arlene transformations. She tries to hide her attempts to contact Jensen and the CIA from Nebel. But what worried Nebel more, before he died, were the attempts by the CIA and Jensen to contact Candy. Her adventures apparently took place between 1960 and 1971, but Bain declared that he could not be quite sure they had ended.
The courageous Nebel (right, with George Adamski) died of cancer soon after Bain’s book was published, still without the answers he sought about his wife’s secret life. He drew some consolation from the fact that, for a brief historical moment, he had torn the mask off the hidden controllers of America. In a similar way to other glamorous figures, Candy Jones entered unwittingly into that mysterium of power which forever belies the conscious social-democratic view of nature and society. If Jane Mansfield fell prey to the forces of schlock consumerism, and Marilyn Monroe was a victim of high State intrigue, Candy Jones was certainly a casualty of the interface of the American Intelligence and ultra-right medical/psychiatric establishments. Both these national sectors were a vital part of the burgeoning American military-industrial complex which was flexing its new-found muscles in the 1950s and 1960s. (4)
Even in adult life, such high-profile women as Candy Jones remain fairy children, like the junior mannequin Jon Benet Ramsey, or Sylvia Plath. (5) Candy was chosen, most probably, not only because she was found to be very easily hypnotised (6), but because also she was one of the early prototype media-dolls. America first gave birth to this brood, and all its assassins share similar characteristics. American culture is still the main generator of the controls and designs of the world’s dream-machine, and its consumer products, like television, are doll’s house furniture. As dolls, such characters are more system-animals than human, and all kinds of experimental processes and changes occur within the hinterland of these two states, making the half-trance their natural condition.
It could well be that Jensen was conducting the first experiments in mythological engineering as part of the emerging MKULTRA (7) programme. Candy’s first husband had already made her into a super-doll, something that Jensen could work on. Bain’s conclusion is that Jensen’s work was within and for the Intelligence sector; but Jensen may have had an altogether more sophisticated agenda. If Candy represents the innocent imagination, suspended somewhere between the worlds of Jules Verne and George Adamski, Jensen represents the evil side of science. This is the dark world of Auschwitz which, as we know, was run as a joint-stock company by scientists, doctors, and corporate industrialists.
The artificial creation and manipulation of media-sirens may have been his primary objective. Like Monroe, Candy could therefore have been part of the early-middle development of what the American armed forces now call ‘non-lethal weaponry’. Perhaps Big Brother, like the coal-miner, has become an industrial relic; and perhaps Orwell was wrong and Huxley was right. Limitless cheap pleasure, not pain or suffering, is to be the ultimate weapon used in breaking the will of a population, without a drop of blood being shed.
Donald Bain shows that when sex and glamour are mixed with conspiracy and science (in this case experimental narco-technology), a ‘reality’ is enthroned which begins to look like a cover from the kind of science-fiction magazine both Jensen and Nebel must have read in their youth. On these covers, beautiful female bodies are snared and entangled with wires, consoles and aerials, well-endowed girls in torn blouses run from clanking cyberclones, and lizard-like figures wield hypodermic needles.
Long John Nebel must have wondered, at some point, just how close to such covers his life with Candy had become. For many years, sleepless New Yorkers had heard Nebel’s late-night callers rant about the very things that the entranced Candy described. As soon as Nebel heard the voice of Arlene, he entered the world of trance-state America. It is a world in which exit wounds become entrance wounds, and in which Jack Ruby’s last hours as a free man remain as enigmatic as the last phone calls of Marilyn Monroe… or the mysterious travels of Candy Jones.

march 17

by Lori
So tired all the time!!! Very, very tired! Also, I am starting to lose a sense of being, well, alive! Things now are just so lame. I mean, all I do is go to school M-F, 730-1230....and I work from 2-8....but I get so tired! Also, I work on the weekends, Saturday and Sunday. I have nothing nice to wear anymore, I feel like crap...bla bla bla...so anyways, the producer is going to fly shannan and i out next month. anyways, i was looking for some pics to send where anand is in, and the ones i found, damn i looked good! he used to call me fat, and act like i was unattractive. seriously, he made it seem like i was some sort of fat slob, but i was hot! i was thin, i had long, dark shiny hair...i looked good! i always look younger for my age too. nowadays, geez...i feel so beat. i dont feel attractive anymore. but looking at those pictures brings back memories. it was an experience thats for sure. i learn from them. i do intend to write a book about my experience, and believe me, it will be as exact as it was. he will certainly not be painted in a good picture, but the memories will be vivid, in detail...(i saved all them so i wont have trouble writing about them again)...from the moment i stepped off the cab and he greeted me looking like a rock star, of course, he also forced himself on me. and im not making that up, despite what anyone may think. he FORCED HIMSELF! IT WAS NONCONSENSUAL! dont worry, i will write about it. anyways, at least i dont work tomorrow.

weird hilary clinton and natalie portman pic

what was going on before this picture was snapped? both have strange expressions, both are a mess, natalie no bra, disheveled....in all seriousness tho, hilary is an MK handler, lesbian....she was mentioned in cathy o'briens book. (also take note of the magical looking picture, dissociative fantasy world painting behind them, checkerboard bowl)

 below is suri's beta programming right in full view for all to see. looking sleep deprvied, these two were out in new york after midnight looking for "dessert"....but gummi penis's? sure, it might look like a fun, albeit stupid, thing, but it is associating penis with yum, for a little girl.

new post

i just want to real quick write a few things on my mind. im mad about how slow this beat up laptop is...when i try to go to my poison blog, for some reason pornhub is saved (i dont even know why it is saved and pops up, its really annoying, but by the time this loads, HA! yeah, by the time i click on poison to get there, it already moved and its as if i clicked on that pornhub link, and I DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE! OK? i just want to get here, so that i can blog about nothing important........im just getting real sick of everything. i dont even have anything to wear. tomorrow is "green and jeans" day for st pattys day, but i dont even have jeans! i have nothing! i dont have no nice clothes anymore! i just have, well, nothing! im so sick of my life. also, mike wanted to get some food shopping, but i was so tired from school and work, and i did not eat today except for chicken noodle soup around lunch time. well, i got my access card refilled, but i didnt even have time to figure out what i wanted to get. i wish i can just go grocery shopping by myself and for myself, sometimes. i give up on everytihng tho. i used to want to eat healthy and good, but who cares anymore. i do not eat first thing in the morning so i skip breakfast. i have maybe a few light snacks at school, like a granola bar and chips, or whatever....then i come home and have some sort of stupid lunch. i do not eat at work because i do not want panini's or salads. so today at walmart superwhatever, mike and i got in an argument, and all i got was a bunch of microwaveable dinners and what not. and potato bread, NOT rye. i just dont care anymore....will my life EVER get better? i have no free time, im depressed. i have NOTHING going for me! im just exhausted! mentally, phsyically.....spiritually....who knows? im just not happy. i know there was more i wanted to write, but its 12pm, (daylight savings really messed me up!) and i need to get some sleep. sigh....who knows? oh, i want to make a blog post about natalie portman, standing next to hilary clinton looking disheveled and out of it. also want to put more info about hilary clinton, but right now too tired....

kesha is a biknii pt 2

no. just no. this can't be!???! she has the body of an overweight flabby 45 year old!??!?! tsk...

kacey jordan, link to charlie sheen, suicide attempt

Something is off with this girl. Her twitter shows that she tried to commit suicide:

“i just snorted a fat line and i get a wake up call for my pedicure spa appointment in 15 min…. this is going to be a great conversation!”
“i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs”
“I’m Soooo bored in this hospital bed! I wanna have someone save me… And kpuff doesn’t have underwear?!!”

Here is a link to her twitter:  http://twitter.com/#!/misskaceyjordan

THIS is her "SHH KITTY" pic

American Idol Season 7 - Alexis Cohen

RIP Alexis Cohen, from Allentown PA, who got killed in a car crash in 2009. How sad. her mother must really miss her. ill, look how smug and mocking they are towards her. no, she did not move on, but imagine if she did? she may still be alive?

work pics

hey. i have to work today, soon....2-8....blah! at least i get to study, cuz we have a quiz and also i have workbook homework....i have off tomorrow at least! anyways, often times i get so hungry, yet, i don't want the panini's or salads they have where im at. ugh! i took a few pictures just to give you an idea:
 (gross panini's and weird sandwiches)

(boring salads)

i feel kind of bad putting up pics from my job, but cant you see? its depressing! i dont see any sunlight, and the food is just, no! it's just very boring. i have to be there soon too, great!

sunday morning

damnet. i was laying around in bed and its 11 am already..what a sunday! now i have to spend 8 hours in that cafe, with nothing to read, and sitting on an uncomfortable chair. i cant wait to enjoy my sundays. blogs suck now. i cant embed videos. i dont want my blog to become a boring diary now........which is what it will become, i feel........hopefully youtube fixes the embed code...oh last night, i forgot to mention, a guy was wearing a shirt with a pyramid and the eye of horus on it. just thought i'd mention. HAHA the show must go on...........

anyways, i am NOT looking forward to going to work! NOT ONE BIT! plus there is nothing good to eat. i am going to take pictures of the food in the cafe i work at and post them here....

the earthquake in japan

i almost forgot, when i was out tonight, i could not stop thinking about this recent earthquake. understand, HAARP has the abilities to cause man-made disasters. its true. AND that earthquake WAS predicted prior to it happening, too tired to link it, but it was...so on that note, 3-11-11 is a highly occult numerology factor....the tsunami was 31 ft high apperently, it was a mass sacrfice..also, when the cops burst into charlie sheens house this weekend (him symbolizing conspiracy theories and mind control crazy erratic behaviour) they had to release info that he was indeed watching about the earthquake which just occurred. i think that was a sign.....they staged that tsunami.....research HAARP and man-made disasters, then you will see...(i sound like one of 'em nutsos, eh?)

your welcome inn

yo, im not about to hold anything back! the whole thing is a master scheme, theme, and dream....its all part of the plan....part of the stage, shakespearian said it best the whole worlds a play...la dee da. no im not drunk in fact i stopped drinking. however, im hot and bothered, and i needs to express myself, cuz like i said, its part of the scheme, so here i am, displaying my easily contributed and highly suggestive vulnerable state i allow myself to get into, by blogging, like i am...alright so now, get your popcorn boys and girls, the show is about to begin...((if youtube  still gave out good htmls then i would include that countdown thing they do with movies...)) so anyways, i was tired and not really feeling going out. first of all, it was getting late, and i did not even acquire a pre-buzz because i did not even drink prior to the bar. i want beer. ok? i like beer, i prefer beer, tis what i want....so i got a shower, what not. oh, it really sucks because it has been so long since i had nice things to wear. i used to enjoy the weekends. i would hype myself up with a newly mixed cd i just burned, i'd get in the shower with the new tunes, i'd change into a hot, sexy little outfit, i'd do my hair and make-up...i aint gonna lie, i looked pretty damn good! hey come on now! plus i felt good. and i would get attention. like, if my boyfriend would pick me up, he would be happy and proud of me, (at least i like to think so!??!) i would never feel insecure cuz i knew i looked good, and other guys would hit on me...well, now its all different, but i aint crying! i mean, i dont care now. now im frumpy. you know i always complain about dying my hair, cuz it fries, dries, and something else it.......i just hate dying my hair. i love my natural dark, silky, shiny, healthy native american hair, but when i dye it, it becomes dull, lackluster, and fried, dried out....i should of never convince mike to let me dye it blonde like kelly bundy! HAH!!! im kidding i just had to say that...........anyways, i never get to dress up, i have no nice clothes anymore. i was like, great, what am i going to even wear? i put on some black pants and a boring long sleeve shirt, and fuck it, i threw on a lame, tacky mothers sweatshirt..(mothers the bar in easton). i feel lame wearing that sweatshirt but i didnt GIVE A FUCK! also, i did not do my makeup, because i had a feeling that doing my makeup would be wasted anyways. a wasted effort....so, whatever....i put on my meatwad cap cuz my hair was still damp and i knew i'd be cold, and its a warm cap thing, but ya know, i felt very frumpy....i do miss going out, having drinks, having a good time. i do enjoy getting my buzz on and chatting! its been so long! WAIL, we go out. yes mike is being sweet to me, but i have my way about me, i just cant help it! i have a few quirks and whatnot, no harm intended! i noticed this super skinny, super lithe, super hot, super sexy asian girl wearing boring forever 21 black mini skirt and a boring forever 21 esque sleevless black and white lacquer style shirt and long dark hair. i was like whatever...mike didn't pay much attention to her, he was being sweet to me, but i noticed that she was RIGHT to the side of us, on her phone, then she was right in front of us, bending over and stuff, and im like, what the hell? i saw him glance at her and probably make sizzling smoking hot eye contact with her, but i don't get jealous, rather, i think the whole thing is amusing. now why is this bitch acting all sexy in front of us while i look like a total fat frump??? so i got us some drinks, but i could not help myself. i just started saying out loud, "I dont give a fuck! I dont give a fuck!" i couldn't help myself, i just kept saying that! i think it is amusing that these bitches have to act like some slutty sexy slu....something, in the meantime, i have no money and i have no nice things yes i wear sweatshirts and black pants. honey IF i had money, i'd have style ok? yeah! and it certainly would not be some forever 21 garb, sexy but very boring! nah, my style will be what i like to call, "tomboy chic!" ahh tomboy chic! i'll be rocking my cool tats, (not scattered ones but highly colorful assortment of ivy, dragonflies, ladybugs, bumblebees and what not. also a hot anime girl or something, also a weird nj tat on my leg somewhere, and whatever else i feel like getting! oh mike got his spiderweb tattoo, i have to see if it means anything, cuz i think it means you killed someone...but if mike likes it, then that is all that matters....my style would be cowboy boots, ARMY PT shirts, tied up and black lace sewn in, cultured pearls, muscle tees showing off my toned arms and tats, i'll wear feathers in my hair, haha! or, neon colors, stand out makeup.....i'd wear comfy sweats yet sexified up, and i would be me!!! which is the sexiest attribute one could have, just be yourself! but i do have style, my own style! i feel like i don't tho, since i am a big fat frump!!! but um, i guess mike got mad cuz i was acting crazy, all i said was I DONT GIVE A FUCK! continuously....then that asian girl left and guys got in a fight because of her........seriously! she left her mark! but come on! mike noticed her, who wouldn't, and yes i have to say, i am vulnerable to those sort of aspects. i am a female too and i do like to feel like i am hot and sexy...ok? i won't lie! every girl needs to feel good in their appearance, as of every guy. its a normal natural human, you know...........it just is! but i don't like to play into what the grand scheme is, and with mike embarrassing me and telling me he is never going to go to another bar with me again, he just added to the factor, and its all just a big joke! he doesnt really understand me, that i have a kind of weird way about me. when i have outbursts like that, it is because i am bored and annoyed and that is just how i display it....dont get mad about it and put me down and make me feel like that bitch from the hangover! i always end up retorting ( a word he repetively said tonight)....im just a fat frumpy cow! ok? im a bitch, im just like that woman from the hangover! cuz honestly, i have no idea what else to say....? but the fact of the matter is, i have work tomorrow again, a long day...on a sunday...12-8...i finished the cosmo mag. now what? what will i read to help pass the time tomorrow? tsk. will it ever end? not meaning death, but meaning, will i find myself, will i find my path, will i be able to be myself without having to feel like im some sort of biggie jerk????? we also left after two drinks...which is fine anyways....but it started out nice and sweet, but i had to go and say I DONT GIVE A FUCK cuz i caught some girl bending over in mikes viewpoint, and i know he noticed her come on now i aint blind!! IM A FAT  FRUMPY COW! THATS ALL! MOOOO! im sorry im embarrassing myself! HAHA! HARDY HAR HAR! blah blah blah like i said I DONT GIVE A FUCK!

questions about mind control

ok, i just feel the need to express my viewpoints on the matter. what opened my eyes to all this was a string of events which started occurring back in 2007. well, personally, i felt like i was getting sent messages, sublimal and such, on tv shows etc. and it is completely feasible and reasonable and explainable. look, with social networks such as myspace, facebook, and twitter, it is easy to converge with celebrities etc. psyops...you know, like what adult swim does with its fans...they cater to us, and believe me, i am not the only one who has felt targetted in this aspect! anyhoo, this is not what i am going to write about. i was explaining to a friend when i was in LA about how i felt like they all knew who i was, etc....he then led me to a bunch of sites. he typed in bloodlines of the illuminati, project monarch etc....so i read up on the bloodlines and project monarch, project superman, but not to the extent where i knew what more research would uncover....one day i noticed britney's tweets, (it was on perezhilton) about her being lucifer and new world order. most people was like, "hyuk hyuk crazy britney" just like with charlie sheen, i feel he has been fucked with etc, programmed....but anyways, i googled it more and found bens site, and uncovered so many things that just made me terribly upset. i was reading about miley cyrus, and upon seeing images that show her doing the devil horns at a young age, or butterflies on her nose. butterflies symbolize monarch...its very sad. my reactions were 'wow this really happens" how could people not know? also, as a realistic standpoint, stand back and think...imagine you yourself started to wonder about missing events in your life? like, they say breakdowns start to occur around age 30, usually at that age, alot of times, there is such a thing called the freedom train...(death)...anyways, anyone with a rational mind would think, "why don't they question it? don't they know? why do they seem to go along with it with their 'shhh' gestures? now this comes to what is annoying me. see, i still do not understand how to build an undetectable illuminati slave, (i have not read it yet)....but on one of the facebook pages called MK Culture, i asked a question, a normal human question...they are all sort of playfully doing the 'shh' gesture, as if they know a secret that we don't know about...i was like, why are they doing that sign? were they told to do it? or do they know, and if they know...UHHH alters within alters, programs within programs....its very confusing, and i do care, that is why i have these questions! anyways, sammi answers me quite rudely, saying, "are you smoking something? sometimes i wonder about you" or whatever she wrote....i responded by saying, can someone else answer she has no clue. (meaning no clue as to my question!) she responds and says i just want to join them and be a part of it and to copy and paste other peoples blogs

listen BITCH, i do not want to join ANYONE! ok? and i always credit what i copy and paste...yes i have, but i say its from vigilents site, and from esoterics site etc....i am not trying to take credit for anything i am trying to make others aware tho. even tho it seems like no one seems to care. i NEVER get responses when i link mind control information....

im sorry, but i do not need her constantly putting me down. its very annoying. and quite frankly, immature and i am getting pissed about it.

upset and hungry

i didnt eat real food all day. i had some oatmeal before i went to work. then, i was hungry. there was a weird sandwich i attempted to take a bite out of, but it was too weird. i called for a slice of pizza but it was one person working, sarah. anyways, so i was like, ok i'll just have something here. well, there is nothing. i am going to take pictures of the food where i work. i always think, when people look at the food, "don't bother, there is nothing!" i dont say anything....its just salads, BORING!, and cold sandwiches or paninis, gross panini's, that i heat up in the microwave. i did not want any of that! so i had a bagel, then later i had some chips, then i had a cookie. uhhh i cant eat this way! i got out of work, got gas, but, the cap is weird, its all weird i got lost in dumb bethlehem, hungry, crabby.............anyways, mike wanted some chinese so i ordered some wonton soup and an egg roll. so now, well, sammi and her comments........tsk....ok so about the shhh hollywood, nevermind. shes just getting on my nerves! whatever!!! im tired too. i feel like taking a shower and going to bed. even tho we are going out tonight.........but to be honest........im going to take a shower now............oh yeah, reading cosmo mag...olivia wilde is a pretty impressive writer! i didn't think she was actually writing her article, but she did. that is cool. she looks great! oh yeah, cosmo is kind of embarrassing to read so i just skip the sex advice and guys without their shirts on. i dont want people to come up to the counter and see me reading that!

saturday!

hey! its saturday. i would love to go shopping but i cant. i have to work...ha! for some reason im watching kardashians, and whats her name? ahh nevermind it was just funny they were having sex in the bathroom and got caught, and her hair was a mess....anyways, like i said, i have to work. not sure what i am going to do because i need a few weekends in april, and they are giving me problems about taking off for kims bridal shower....i need sometihng to read too at work, or it will be one long ultimately boring day. i cant do this!??! hmm, kim (kardashian) has some sort of douchey guy who just quipped at getting married. he doesnt care about her otherwise he wouldnt test his limits by nonchalently saying, "would you get married?" with a glimmer of cast-away belief that she is that dumb enough to of said yes. yuck! he wasnt even joking, like mike sometimes does....it was just very...odd....anyways, in april i guess that we are going to LA for the weekend. i actually am looking forward to it because it will be fun to go with shannan (hopefully they will want to question her too) that is the reason why i would do it..ya know?) what else?? i need to leave a little bit earlier so i can geta magazine......i should order a book to read too.....well, lets see........i dont know anymore? i really do not want to go to that dark little cafe. people annoy me too! THEY GET ON MY NERVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my goodness

seriously, if you are in a relationship, i mean come on, one would think you would be able to just talk about meaningless banter, yet you are still practicing the art of conversation. i understand mike is tired and needs to wake up early, but i just attempted to have a true conversation just now. he went outside for a cigarette and came back to tell me he saw one of marble's relatives outside, so i took that as an initiative to engage in connection chat, even if it was about the chi of drinking. what is the chi of drinking you wonder, (although most likely not...), mmknow? well, ok, we each have our own drink/libation of choice. we each, (those of us who do engage in adult libations from time to time. now i am not saying, those that get fucking drunk! and anything works! a shot here, a screwdriver there, etc etc....anything to get drunk! those are for the amatuers...) but anyways, i established this thought, and i felt the urge, (((maybe cuz i had a natural ice, CHEAP, and half a captain and sprite, mikes drink)))....ok i will just share here! DAMNET!!!! so i was telling mike, ok, i was telling him, "we each have our choice of drink. we know what we can handle and how it affects us...like for instance, let's see....mike likes his captain and sprite. last week, he was sublimally suggested to try out 4loco (due to kimmy i feel, who was dressed up as the (white rabbit see pic ) well, he got all fucked up from it, and it was out of his comfort level, he made an ass out of hisself...he hit doug and doug fell back, this after he was doing some neo-esque kung-fu, karate weird....who knows???? he would of been fine had he had captain, (at least i think he would of been???) i mean, he wanted to listen to his music tho, even tho everyone liked my cd...the one boring one that happened to have alot of foreigner on it. it was from last summer and i burned a cd with lots of foreigner....stupid! haha..uh.....ok so.......lately i have been drinking out of choice, such as, 4loco....or last week, i had kimmy's choice, which is jack and coke. i had two jack and cokes. not really my drink so i was slowly drinking it. tbh, beer is my comfort zone. i know people say, GROSS BEER! but i know i can handle beer! BEER! yuengling bottles or corona bottles, but usually its cheap kinds.....but yeah.........im not going to drink any more captain and sprites tho, cuz, well, starting to get tired and i just don't feel like it anymore.but i was telling mike all this, but he wasn't really listening. he was rubbing his eyes and stuff, im sorry but that just offended me. i mean, every single time i was in a real true relationship, we were able to just talk about things, even tho it is MInute....that is what relationships are! right? come on! geez cant i just have some good friends with whom i can talk too with? and THAT is the point of this rant. also mad that youtube aint working, or the cds aint burning. WHUTEVER! im going to utilize the restroom and, who knows? go to bed i guess....

oh my god i was just watching howard stern on david letterman jsut now, two "powerhouses" haha i do like howard but i stopped listening to him i dont like david letterman it seemed like howard was trying to play mindgames with the master dave...anyways, naughty by nature was on and they turned into HIP HOP HURRAY! SHIT! i remember dat was my jam back in the day!!! aww i remember those days!!! i was in 9th grade (im not going to act like i am younger than i am no point in that, think about the big cosmic picture, does it matter that i am not 20 years old cuz i aint!!!

shit hip hop hurray!!! reminds me of hanging out in bangor with kristy for some reason, also high school days......i am beginning to lose those feelings i used to have.....................MEMORIES! wow am i drunk? i did not drink alot???!?!? who cares anymore?
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qA2_-eQ26tY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

im pissed! youtube is not working, the embedding is not anymore PISSING ME OFF!

cool beats

this is from march....(im going to start uploading from the last ones before they disappeared so FOZZIE BEAR WITH ME!!!

cool beats

by Lori

I have this song on one of my cds but i do not know what it is called??? i just uploaded it and added some images i have saved on my hard drive, (yeah i did add some images of me and my drawings ha...those were just done in paint tho so they are not that good)...except looks like the pork roll and poutine did not make it. anyways, i do not know what this song is called but it sounds cool while driving. COOL! ((EDIT: UM, i think im going to add more images, not sure what happened....i did it in windows movie maker i need to mess around on that more often haha! cant wait to install flash then i will start making my own lil' animations!!!) ok i just added some more pics this one is better, should do it on youtube too...(i should of put the amber about to hit her boyfriend from teen mom after the andy warhol quote,,,oh well haha!) ok one more time, i am fixing that adding some more images....im hungry! I WANT POUTINE NOW!!!

Po

FRIDAY!!!

woo HOO! this feels great! the spring birds are chirping, its a good day! you see, we had a field trip today...um, anyways, ok...its 1030 am now, and im back home. i do not have to work today, nor do i have to work at 4 am! YIPPEE!!! so for the first hour we all sort of attempted to do some sort of inventory with the drugs they have in the back of the class. as far as where i would like to work, i would have to say retail, (because i can handle that sort of environment. i like to keep busy, occupied. i am good with people and i can multi-task.)...sure it would be cool to say i work at a hospital, but the hours are whatever they give you...who knows? they make good money tho. anyways, i need to tie my hair up....hang on! ok back! ok so first of all, i drove home, (cds good system!!! let me ) tell you something, it makes you feel so much better about yourself when you have your own car. no doubt! seriously, you begin to feel like your own person again! you feel much more independant. when you do not have a car, you are just sort of, there. it sucks. i love to just drive and zone out, listen to music etc....so...ok i came home, stripped off my scrubs, now i am in my fuzzy pj pants (what i wear under my scrub pants, and a comfy long sleeve shirt...i just lit some incense! since mike hates incencse! he says it gives him a headache also the peppermint candle gives him one too. ok so back to what i was writing about....today we went to a long-term facility, something i am interested in. there are some good assets and some bad....
i have worked at PLENTY of warehouses and pharmaceutical companies. they pay well and have good hours, but they are monotonous! this one has two shifts, 7-430 and whatever till midnight or 1...i prefer first shift. also they have overtime, (which is consistent) time and a half and double time and a half on holidays. also, they do get weekends off, however, every third weekend they have to work. they get two weeks vacation as well. we took a tour, and yes, it does seem boring. very boring! and it was smaller than i thought!????! but they also do compounding ointments and all sorts of things throughout the day. it will be busy. we were just there for an hour. after i left, i did get that good job feeling. i miss that. when i worked at WSI in belvidere, which was a pharmacuetical company/warehouse for roche, i did enjoy working there. we basically packaged all the powders for food such as kraft (once in a while, it would be orange powder everywhere tho gross!) etc..i don't know? i do like working! i like normal daytime hours, like, working at the airport...well, it is sort of depressing! shrug...it just is. i am not doing anything there! that is why i am constantly getting books and magazines, i also read the paper or do my homework....but i cant wait to start an actual job. oh yeah, parkland starts you out at 12 an hour, but OT is included etc. not bad! i would be making good checks! i will be able to finally start getting things for myself!!! and boy do i need alot of things for myself! anyways, uhhhhhhhhh..........hmm.???>> moss called me while at work. he does want to help me with alot of things. he says i still have a part in the weird movie...something about a haunted brothel, except, i wonder when they will start shooting and all that? also, comic con this year....um......i forget what else? oh, interview at robot chicken. now that would be cool to work at, wouldn't it? i need to be sufficient in final draft. or, hmm.....i should look it up. hey, i AM a very good worker! i catch on quick, i catch the drift, if ya catch my drift...

i might go to the store in a bit.....i have the day off! WOO! also i do not have to worry about going to bed too early to work too early. can't wait till life starts getting better, man!!!!

MIke 'the situation"

ha! so why is it that this douchebag devil who is BORING...uh...let me reword this! watching jersey shore now. why? mmknow? nuttin' better to do? when one thinks of the jersey shore, who do they think of? the situation or snooky. snooki is an easy little porker. she just met this pauly d lookalike and brought him home to bed with her, some guy, according to this 'reality' show, she just met at some cheesy jersey shore club karma. she secretly wants all the guys in the house! pauly, vinnie, mike, (they hooked up), whatever...its incestous! i think, sort of like that show friends. come on! anyways, oh earlier, my hot chocolate was knocked over. i knew it was too close to ashley's purse. i knew it! sure enough! hot chocolate every where! also when we had our open book test yesterday, her notebook was on my part of the table a smidge and it bothered me so much that i could not think!!! sometimes little things bother me...not trying to be a bitch...

ok and mike the situation is like one of the most popular highest payed one of the bunch, but he is a little boring devil! he let the dogs out, 'lean cuisine'and juice box...mike is not entertaining, he doesnt do anything in this later series except be a lil' devil...its like he doesnt give a shit, he is just like, "ehh, i get 60,000 an episode anyways, ehhh" ugh! and he let the dogs out gave them food and let them shit and piss all over the place!!! that aint funny! oh, that reminds me, on the dirty.com the other day, (i'd link it but its too nasty plus im too lazy to find it..) someone sent in this post about this girl, teasing her cuz she got drunk, "shit-faced' and passed out...and they have the pics as to why she will never show up to any parties any more, (as if she did something wrong) first of all, we have all been there, but she did not deserve what the picture showed happened to her. disgusting pig! who thinks that sort of thing is funny? some guy thought it would be funny to shit on this poor passed out girl. BARF! yep! fucko low class losers think that sort of thing is funny! HIGHLY nasty and disrespectful! anyways, thats just my rant since we are watching it now. oh and deena! tsk tsk! sure she might seem like a fun party girl, which is cool but, that is ALL she is! what other aspects does she have? they are all getting payed to be on this show therefore all they do is go to karma and play pranks on each other!

sometimes i wish my life could of been filmed! HAHA! i mean, i am always interested in seeing how i am and stuff, well not now since my life is boring, but i wish that when i was younger and had friends i hung out with etc...i'd a been entertaining!!! YO!!!!!!!!!

ok well, just had to share a few thoughts. why? i dont know?

Today

today was nothing special...had a quiz, i got a 92 because i got one wrong. what else??? i cant really think anymore, my mind is a mess. i have no time for myself. see, i would not mind IF i had just work, and play. see, right now, it is like i am working 14 hour days. see, i mean, listen, if i was working the whole time and making money, but its different. i do love going to class tho. see, i have school from 730 in the morning till 1230. first of all, my counselor or whoever he is called, tricked me! now why would i ever agree to school at 730? i swear to God he said, 830....i was planning on getting a job during the day and i was thinking i would be going to school evening classes. well, turns out, here i am...but i am halfway through school! (see moss, with all due respect, i AM doing fine! since he told me i dont have the mindframe to do it...) AAHH! cant think!!!??! so then, i drive home, (YAY! i need to make some good cds tho, my old cd maker is not working and the new one wont take my older blank cds....) hmm...........so i get back around 1, and i sit down and have lunch, then i have to be at work at 2pm. 2-8pm....also, my cousins bridal shower is coming up march 26th, and i want to take off, but they say they cannot guarantee it....since they are short people.

that producer wants to interview me, but i really dont think i can do it? today at work, i was thinking, because he asked me if i knew anyone else who can be interviewed and i DO know someone else...however, i do not want to put pressure on her. i would like a chance to explain how he was with my words, but i think in order to do that, i would have to write about it. getting interviewed is weird....but i was thinking, shannan NEVER even went on a plane. she has never been to far away from nj. she would love to take a payed trip out to LA for the weekend! i just need to see if she will be comfortable getting interviewed. anand jon IS an asshole tho and i HATE him and he is GUILTY of everything everyone has ever said about him, and that is NO LIE! he even assaulted her that jerk!

im sorry, well, if she feels comfortable with all that, it would be really nice and fun for us to get payed tickets and a payed hotel for the weekend! we deserve it! :)

hmm what else? im not so sure about this job anymore., i told them i would be done in april/may for my externship. im thinking, i should just find another job for the time being, since i will be taking off for LA and for my cousin Kims wedding...

right? SOON! i will be basking in my glory! SOON! i will be done with school! SOON! i will have a good job! SOON! i will be happy because SPRING TIME WILL BE HERE!!!!

i feel like i had more i wanted to write, but i am so scattered, i dont even know? i also need a shower...

Mike Starr dies

AS A WARNING TO CHARLIE SHEEN! THEY DON'T WANT CHARLIE TALKING, THEY WANT HIM DEAD! SHUT UP CHARLIE, OR YOU COULD BE NEXT!

Alice in Chains Rocker, Celebrity Rehab Patient Mike Starr Dead at 44

Tue., Mar. 8, 2011 8:06 PM PST by Natalie Finn
Mike Starr VH1

Mike Starr's demons tragically caught up with him.

The original bassist for Alice in Chains was found dead Tuesday in Utah. He was 44. Cause of death has not yet been released.

Starr, who battled drug addiction, appeared on the third season of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew in 2009 and gave a testimonial marking six months and seven days of sobriety during season four.

But his latest run-in with the law implied that he had hit a roadblock in his recovery.

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b229935_alice_in_chains_rocker_celebrity_rehab.html#ixzz1G8dUcsGX


AND IN LIEU OF ALICE IN CHAINS, ('ALICE') HERE IS A SONG!

(i dont really like this song, but it says heaven in it!???!)


i like these ones better!



another good classic!


i remember this one:



heres a newer one, without late singer layne staley

HELLO

what the fuck is this?? phallic ha! hmm, i was going to put a song that was on my cd player up, its cool but its an instrumental, and it was after die antwoord song so i thought it was maybe one of their songs, but i doubt it cuz it has a different feel to it...its on my cd so maybe the cd has the name of it but i left it in my car. anyways, i found this video. weird....also a few references too...



oh, you know how sometimes you just have to share how you just went to the bathroom and feel much better? i just have to share...because my stomach was killing me since last night, (remember?)however, i wasn't able to go...haha! why? im not sure, maybe cuz not enough time, i really don't know, but i just DID go, and now i feel so much better! IMMEDIATELY, i felt better. im sorry, i just had to share! oh well!
oh did you know, you have two sphincters in your urinary tract. yep sphincter is a muscle

i need to make some cds to listen to now!!! AWW RIGHTIE!!!!

school and work

i was so exhausted today! im so tired all the time. i had school today, 730 to 1230, and i had to work at 2. no time to relax when i got back. i have enough time to eat some lunch, (lean cuisine santa fe rice bowl), then i had to go straight to work. ah, work. let's see, i was so very tired. i did not feel like dealing with people. i did my homework assignment, then started reading the cosmo mag my mom bought me. i actually was happy to read cosmo, because it certainly is more fun and exciting to read than hipster style whatever, "read about this band, read about these DIY designers, blah blah blah WHO CARES!!!" ya know? read about this writer who writes so eloquantly, read about how normal kate bosworth is with her weird mismatched eye colors....just did not feel like dealing with anyone. also, i had some tea, and it really grumbled my tummy up. i felt like i had to go to the bathroom, but got distracted when i went to the restroom and two women were speaking spanish for ten minutes it seemed. i could not go...so then i just went back, but my stomach kept hurting, you know, those pangs where you just want to expel HA!!! seriously not to sound gross but whatever. i just had those awful tummy feelings...and on top of it all, i was super-exhausted. everytime i sat down, to try to settle my stomach, i'd have to get up in tummy pains and deal with a customer. it was not a pleasant experience. all i wanted was to be home sleeping on the couch, after using the bathroom in the privacy of my home. finally a break sort of broke through, it was very busy...there was some couple sitting at the chairs which i winced about, but i sat on the chair, the comfy chair i always slouch in when i work from 4am-12 cuz im so TIRED! and i did fall asleep again. however, these annoying women came and sat down, with their own salads, but they just annoyed me. it was an older chic lady, and i guess her two twenty something stupid annoying daughters, dressed in camel-colored peacoats and shiny medium length brown hair. i just wanted everyone to go! anyways, i had to help someone out, amongst being shakenly awoken, but then my tummy settled down a bit, and i started to wake up. also, i was being more friendly and pleasant with people and that set my mood up, which alleviated my bad mood and made me feel more happy. anyways, after work we met up with my dad to get the car, it does have one of the inspection stickers, im too tired to think now, but still need to get the normal sticker. my dad fixed it up a bit, with the rust he filled it with that puffy stuff on the underside. anyways, i drove home and i really like having my own car! i like it! it brings back my sense of independance, like i always say, but i cant stress it enough. the speakers are great, the car is cozy and nice, i like it more than mikes newer honda elantra. speakers are great! did i mention, yeah...anyways, i need a shower and sleep.

redundant information

yes this is getting redundant. from charlie sheen's rants, to lady gaga, its all just delusions of grandeur, to distract us bla bla blah!

http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=7160

shhh!

i was going to take the pics and save them and post them here, but a.) facebook won't let you anymore, and b.) i'm too lazy and tired too, so here is the link.

Hollywood has a secret:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?id=110463502364915&aid=17498

maybe later i will find the pics but right now, im really tired and need a shower and bed soon.

blah

i wanted to just write a quick blog. i am so sick of everything. school and work, tired, eating crap food. well, i got more hours, which is good, but it annoys me. sometimes i dont feel like dealing with people. i settle down and read my dull magazine, and people come out of nowhere, wanting sodas or whatever. i hate when they just stand there, or worse, lined up just looking, at the menu. half the food on the menu is not what we have in the fridge. see for yourself! i get hungry so i have a bland roast beef and cheese panini. barf! those things are disgusting! i also had that nasty miso soup earlier, and just a bit ago i had a twice baked microwavable potato. i need more fruit and veggies in my life! vitamins and such, not crap processed food. im just feeling really depressed and dull about life. moss keeps bugging me about comic con. yeah...well he wants to go, but its sold out. i want to go, but, i even told him, it will be boring with just him. and he told me not to move out when the lease is up, and not move back in with mike. what? who knows? at the same time, i really...who knows? today i started drawing. i am more creative. pharmacy is good and all, we are now learning about the urinary system. did you know, the meatus is the opening at the end of the urethra. ha, meatus! anyways, im going to make some more posts, or take a shower, or something....yawn!

more charlie sheen

he talks about being a "truth-seeker" here, and about the dumbed down society with their vaccines, mcdonalds, us weekly and tmz. its true. charlie is all over the place now, but he does sound manic. in here, whoever he is talking to on the phone does fade away, while charlie is playing with fire. later, his voice pops up again, saying, "did you hear all that"

Song of the day

heres the song of the day....i remember lisa simpson playing this on the sax...anyways. have to work soon darnet. oh, i got an 89 gpa and an 89 on my math final. not bad! oh, i bought this magazine...to read at work. it looked good, but it aint! its the most boring magazine ever and i do not feel inspired to read any of it...ugh! boring! its called NYLON magazine....its just....blah whatever...i need to buy another book for work since im done with the lost symbol. today im going to focus on my homework for thereapuetic response 2 and we also have a quiz tomorrow...

i just had this miso soup, but it was AWFUL! it was microwaveable BLAH! oh, saturday night was a nightmare. mike got drunk off 4loco and basically acted like a baby! i mean, he had to listen to HIS music and got mad when i put in my cd which had good music. he says he doesnt remember. we had people over, but at the same time, i think they can be kind of rude too...anyways, here is the song: ((ha! you'll drink the night away and forget everything)

Lady Gaga babylonianesque born this way

manufactured this way...

anyways, she says, "put your paws up" like lily allen with the cats...i'll post it soon enough but so tired! so very....very....tired. also, butterflies, SOUNDS LIKE MADONNA

Saturday

Im so upset. Its a nice car, it runs fine. My dad did some work to cover up the rust on the sides and we did get new tires, used but they still are good. I got to sleep in this morning. 10:30 am. I had cool dreams. We got one panel per window, (even tho i told mike 2 panels per window...also he wanted to get black and i wanted to get this sheer purple or sheer neonish green) but we settled on this blue sort of tye-dyish style, which is fine, but its only one panel, so im wondering if i want to get the other halfs, will they still be being sold? so now in the morning, it casts a hazy bluiesh tone which works. also using this white puffy crochety style comforty which is real nice. still want to get the soft padding for under the sheet to make bed more soft, and a headboard and footboard, also eventually matching bedset, like nightstands, dressers, etc...im sorry, but i do want nice things. ok? is that a crime???


what else? well i was looking forward to going to that holistic expo. darla cant go she has a migraine. damnet! sigh...

who knows? and mike just....he doesnt like or understand me. he just...whatever! like last night, i wanted to hang out, drink a bit, and chill, and talk. its what i like to do! aint no harm. its hard to connect with mike. we share our connection based on nothing too extent. its like, we are sort of there, we go food shopping, he takes me to school and picks me up from work, (SUCKS BIG-TIME THAT THAT INSPEcTION PLACE CANT GIVE ME A GOOD STICKER! on top of it, i have to hear mike complain, "why did your dad get that car?" its done ok? geez!)

i rented some movie called catfish, i thought it was a stalker facebook movie. it was ok, i enjoyed it. nothing mike would like. sorry if its not a cop movie based in brooklyn or whatever! i tried telling mike about how when my sister and i..well, i will just say it here HA!

when my sister and i were younger, well, for some reason, we pretended we were our boy cousins. we had our family friend's, jacob and jason's, class pictures, right? and i guess lisa showed her friend julie them. julie had a sister named kelly who was a year under me, and julie was lisa's age, (still is as a matter of fact). well, i guess julie liked him and we started pretending we were them. the guys. i forget the names? mack or buddy or something like that...bill and ted, who knows? jk, it was probably alex and felix....anyways, id pretend i was the older one and she was the younger one...and i was in 9th grade which made me 14 when i was doing this!? WTF? so kelly thought she was writing notes with alex, the older one...yeah. well one day after school, i remember, the fresh prince of bel-air was on. oh yeah, we even talked on the phone with these gullible girls! i would put on a deep-set voice and pretend i was "alex". well, she said they are coming over. OH NO!!!! they CANT come over! MAC AND ALEX WERE NOT REAL!!! (just like in that movie, catfish haha!) so....i did not know what to do!??!! lisa was like, "they're here!" so i scurried upstairs and hid in the top part of the closet in the bathroom. then, i heard them say, hey! come out were here! we want to meet you, so i put on a deep-set voice and said, "were taking a bath...(which was odd since i was in the closet and no splashing noises were being made). they were like, "come out!" HA! anyways, it was just very weird. why did we even do that??? "No! we're embarrassed!" i replied back.

not sure if we ever told them, years later....LOL!! so that was the story i TRIED to tell mike but he was just like, "sounds interesting" and i just lost the zest to my personality, once again. we had some grape four loco last night, which reminds me of that mad dog 20/20 from b.i.t.d (back in the day) i have a headache from this febreze he sprayed. i prefer candles or incense, but THAT gives him a headache. geez!!!

im going to have some of these fresh carrots from this market. my mom got them when she went with deli. (adele, but deli is her nickname)..

see, poor darla. well, holistic medicine is a more natural approach/alternative to harsh treatments. she got a migraine due to 2000 mgs the doc whatever...prescribed her...im interested in a holistic approach. also, with spring arriving, i would like to start going to flea markets, farmer's markets, you know, stuff like that...hiking, picnics, etc...i dont know...i just have no one to do this stuff with.

i am just in NEED of soaking up some good convo, good company. damn ya know? is that so hard to ask for????

Car

Hey! So, I am going to make a quick blog because I work tomorrow at 4am...cant wait to be done with school! geez ya know???? sigh....oh today we had finals for therapuetic response 1 and math. i got a 94 gpa for therapuetic response, not sure yet what i got for math but i know i did fine, not great, but good enough...

just picked up the car at my parents house. its so cozy back home! anyways, so i have a car it feels great to have a car, independent. the cd player works and its a great system. i love it now i can drive and zone out and listen to music and reflect and feel like my own person. you know? when you cant drive, its like you do not have your own well-being. oh yeah, i also want to get halogen lights and those led type lights, pink or blue or purple, for the foot of the car, where my feet are. ha! cool! also some decals and a betty boop steering wheel cover. my dad got me floor mats.

anyways, quick blog time for bed! i cant take these hours much longer tho seriously! i switched with ellie so i now have saturday off at least! going to the holistic expo with darla. company later, have some grape four loco!!!

Leeches

the first time i really discovered "myspace", say, some what, 5 years ago most likely, i went overboard in designing my page. say, have YOU been following me since those days??? me wonders. (HA!) i had my background neon pink playboy logos, bright pink leapord print, i had a bunch of random little magnets...and a song i used was "leeches" by a thrasher heavy metal band in flames. haha!
so, i have been feeling very drained lately. been feeling like nothing matters, nothing to look forward too. mike and i get into these fights, and...whatever...like, oh who cares!!!
anyways, i had a dream about leeches on my body, and me peeling them off, so i googled it and this is what it means:

Leeches

To see or be bitten by leeches in your dream, refer to something in your life that is draining the energy and vigor out of you. The dream may refer to people, habits, or negative emotions that are sucking you out of your vitality. Alternatively, if your body is covered in leeches, then you are feeling disgusted by your own body or repulsed by something you have done


interesting. im actually not sure if this living together situation is going to work out. all we do is argue, and....i want to enjoy myself and my life. i don't want to feel miserable and upset all the time. i could say a few things which occurred tonight, but i am not going too because, well, frankly....uh, i do give a damn, but it aint none of no ones business!

in lieu of the leeches theme, here is the song:



if you ever feel like reading my old myspace blogs, well, you have to manuever around and its really annoying! at least here there is that sidebar, but myspace its like, who wants to go through all that? i sure dont!

Lily Allen

im going to do a post on her when i have more time, might be kind of...cruel tho. i had a dream about her, well, cuz i saw an image of her (she is beta programmed? meaning sex alter program??? ooh kay....) she is standing amidst a few jaguars with her hands (paws) up in the air. it looks funny tho. i dont have time too now cuz i have work soon. tomorrow are finals too. what else? i dont know? i guess i have to pay insurance again on the 17th? sucks! i had another dream that i was in a lake or pond, and i was covered in leeches. i had to peel them off and some had blood on them.

oh, i got a comment from someone. i said, i would like to go shopping. what the hell do i need to feel ostracized because i made such a "sweet 16" statement? first of all, i haven't went shopping in a long time. shopping has a bad connotation to it because it sounds like some spoiled stuck up bimbo who "wants to go shopping"...listen, it has been a long time since i got anything for myself. being able to buy something you want is good from time to time. what is so wrong with that? whoever left the comment, "CT" does not know, probably stumbled across that post, and saw i said i want to go shopping, and left a highly rude comment!

i have bills, but its cell phone bill, (not anymore, i cancelled sprint, i get tracfone now, 30.00 a month), cable and internet bill that mike and i split, i also have car insurance and rent to pay....i do not have credit card bills (i do but i just ignored them, and this was from years ago...like sears), and i have no bills racked up from shopping!

i dont know, i should'nt have to explain myself! well, i have to go to work now and study for my test! also im going to read my book, the lost symbol, haha! masons and such...interesting!

i will make that lily allen post later im sure

Tattoos

Mike just got a bonus so he wants to get tattoos. Now, I like guys with tattoos, I do...but come on! i'm not going to complain...yes i am. YES I AM! I AM GOING TO COMPLAIN! I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE! beginning with the fact that i am typing on one of those stupid raised keyboard pads, the ones with spacing between the G and H. my fingers dont fall that way, i like a normal, flat keyboard. this used ugly old computer is an eyesore! mike doesnt care about used thrift store ugly furniture. i do. no i dont have any money, but listen, i moved out too soon i think. now i have obligations to pay rent, car insurance, cell phone bill, and NJ Surcharges each month. which means, i work and yet, i cant buy anything nice for myself. i dont want second rate items. i want nice things! is that a crime? i want a flat-screen hi-def, not some biggie tv...its just very annoying...

this saturday we are having people over. we have a small living room, but no one minds having to sit on the kitchen chairs. mike wants to take the futon in the 2nd bedroom and set it up in the living room. i said i do not think that is a good idea because it will look sloppy and cluttered, like a flophouse. it just is not a good idea, yet he is going to do that. we dont have a cd player, but we have the dvd player, but its going to be all his music i bet, which im sick of! we have gotten into arguments because of his music selection in the car; "old school rap" or whatever, who knows? eminem, johnny cash...

so mike wants to get spiderweb tattoos on his elbows! oh my god! im sorry, but that is just too prison gangsta for me, i told him it will make him look like a douche!

i asked him what his passions are, rather than tibet. i care about tibet, but that sounds cliche. i like someone with passion, someone who has a drive, ahh, am i complaining? am i a bitch?

sorry! on another note....i want to get more tattoos! mike might get me one, a small one, a ladybug for now. course, he thinks that is silly....

i want to get some ivy, dragonflies, (i love colorful tats!), also, a hot anime girl, maybe i will draw a girl myself...who knows? i just know i want to get more tattoos, like a colorful sleeve...i just want to start obtaining my own style, ya know? and i know, "colorful sleeve? everyone does that!!! you are trying to look like everyone!" im trying to look like what will make me happy!!

the lesson here is, spiderweb elbow tattoos will make mike happy