your welcome inn

yo, im not about to hold anything back! the whole thing is a master scheme, theme, and dream....its all part of the plan....part of the stage, shakespearian said it best the whole worlds a play...la dee da. no im not drunk in fact i stopped drinking. however, im hot and bothered, and i needs to express myself, cuz like i said, its part of the scheme, so here i am, displaying my easily contributed and highly suggestive vulnerable state i allow myself to get into, by blogging, like i am...alright so now, get your popcorn boys and girls, the show is about to begin...((if youtube  still gave out good htmls then i would include that countdown thing they do with movies...)) so anyways, i was tired and not really feeling going out. first of all, it was getting late, and i did not even acquire a pre-buzz because i did not even drink prior to the bar. i want beer. ok? i like beer, i prefer beer, tis what i want....so i got a shower, what not. oh, it really sucks because it has been so long since i had nice things to wear. i used to enjoy the weekends. i would hype myself up with a newly mixed cd i just burned, i'd get in the shower with the new tunes, i'd change into a hot, sexy little outfit, i'd do my hair and make-up...i aint gonna lie, i looked pretty damn good! hey come on now! plus i felt good. and i would get attention. like, if my boyfriend would pick me up, he would be happy and proud of me, (at least i like to think so!??!) i would never feel insecure cuz i knew i looked good, and other guys would hit on me...well, now its all different, but i aint crying! i mean, i dont care now. now im frumpy. you know i always complain about dying my hair, cuz it fries, dries, and something else it.......i just hate dying my hair. i love my natural dark, silky, shiny, healthy native american hair, but when i dye it, it becomes dull, lackluster, and fried, dried out....i should of never convince mike to let me dye it blonde like kelly bundy! HAH!!! im kidding i just had to say that...........anyways, i never get to dress up, i have no nice clothes anymore. i was like, great, what am i going to even wear? i put on some black pants and a boring long sleeve shirt, and fuck it, i threw on a lame, tacky mothers sweatshirt..(mothers the bar in easton). i feel lame wearing that sweatshirt but i didnt GIVE A FUCK! also, i did not do my makeup, because i had a feeling that doing my makeup would be wasted anyways. a wasted effort....so, whatever....i put on my meatwad cap cuz my hair was still damp and i knew i'd be cold, and its a warm cap thing, but ya know, i felt very frumpy....i do miss going out, having drinks, having a good time. i do enjoy getting my buzz on and chatting! its been so long! WAIL, we go out. yes mike is being sweet to me, but i have my way about me, i just cant help it! i have a few quirks and whatnot, no harm intended! i noticed this super skinny, super lithe, super hot, super sexy asian girl wearing boring forever 21 black mini skirt and a boring forever 21 esque sleevless black and white lacquer style shirt and long dark hair. i was like whatever...mike didn't pay much attention to her, he was being sweet to me, but i noticed that she was RIGHT to the side of us, on her phone, then she was right in front of us, bending over and stuff, and im like, what the hell? i saw him glance at her and probably make sizzling smoking hot eye contact with her, but i don't get jealous, rather, i think the whole thing is amusing. now why is this bitch acting all sexy in front of us while i look like a total fat frump??? so i got us some drinks, but i could not help myself. i just started saying out loud, "I dont give a fuck! I dont give a fuck!" i couldn't help myself, i just kept saying that! i think it is amusing that these bitches have to act like some slutty sexy slu....something, in the meantime, i have no money and i have no nice things yes i wear sweatshirts and black pants. honey IF i had money, i'd have style ok? yeah! and it certainly would not be some forever 21 garb, sexy but very boring! nah, my style will be what i like to call, "tomboy chic!" ahh tomboy chic! i'll be rocking my cool tats, (not scattered ones but highly colorful assortment of ivy, dragonflies, ladybugs, bumblebees and what not. also a hot anime girl or something, also a weird nj tat on my leg somewhere, and whatever else i feel like getting! oh mike got his spiderweb tattoo, i have to see if it means anything, cuz i think it means you killed someone...but if mike likes it, then that is all that matters....my style would be cowboy boots, ARMY PT shirts, tied up and black lace sewn in, cultured pearls, muscle tees showing off my toned arms and tats, i'll wear feathers in my hair, haha! or, neon colors, stand out makeup.....i'd wear comfy sweats yet sexified up, and i would be me!!! which is the sexiest attribute one could have, just be yourself! but i do have style, my own style! i feel like i don't tho, since i am a big fat frump!!! but um, i guess mike got mad cuz i was acting crazy, all i said was I DONT GIVE A FUCK! continuously....then that asian girl left and guys got in a fight because of her........seriously! she left her mark! but come on! mike noticed her, who wouldn't, and yes i have to say, i am vulnerable to those sort of aspects. i am a female too and i do like to feel like i am hot and sexy...ok? i won't lie! every girl needs to feel good in their appearance, as of every guy. its a normal natural human, you know...........it just is! but i don't like to play into what the grand scheme is, and with mike embarrassing me and telling me he is never going to go to another bar with me again, he just added to the factor, and its all just a big joke! he doesnt really understand me, that i have a kind of weird way about me. when i have outbursts like that, it is because i am bored and annoyed and that is just how i display it....dont get mad about it and put me down and make me feel like that bitch from the hangover! i always end up retorting ( a word he repetively said tonight)....im just a fat frumpy cow! ok? im a bitch, im just like that woman from the hangover! cuz honestly, i have no idea what else to say....? but the fact of the matter is, i have work tomorrow again, a long day...on a sunday...12-8...i finished the cosmo mag. now what? what will i read to help pass the time tomorrow? tsk. will it ever end? not meaning death, but meaning, will i find myself, will i find my path, will i be able to be myself without having to feel like im some sort of biggie jerk????? we also left after two drinks...which is fine anyways....but it started out nice and sweet, but i had to go and say I DONT GIVE A FUCK cuz i caught some girl bending over in mikes viewpoint, and i know he noticed her come on now i aint blind!! IM A FAT  FRUMPY COW! THATS ALL! MOOOO! im sorry im embarrassing myself! HAHA! HARDY HAR HAR! blah blah blah like i said I DONT GIVE A FUCK!