my advice about selfies' made it to this tumblr i always go to
AWWL LAWLLL
Anonymous asked: Hello guys! I would appreciate very much so if you
share this bit o' advice with your fans thank you! Girls, and guys,
often times feel criticized if they take selfies. Once in a while, it is
fine to do! If it makes you feel confident and beautiful, then a selfie
is not a bad thing! Feel happy with who you are and never feel afraid
to express yourself! *HUGS*
http://rjandbleysuckatgirls.tumblr.com/
btw, i seen lisa took a selfie on matts instagram. my dad used my phone to take one for the american idol selfies to submit
LAWL
oh i had lunch with marta today. we met up at italys i had tortellini soup. we talked a bit.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
1. Salmon
Not all fish is created equal. Salmon, and other fatty types of fish, contain the greatest amount of Omega-3s.
Omega-3 fatty acids are extremely important for the optimal function of your body. They’re linked to improved wellbeing and a lower risk of many serious diseases (1). Although salmon is mainly prized for its beneficial composition of fatty acids, it also packs a massive amount of other nutrients.
A 100 gram piece of wild salmon contains 2.8 grams of Omega-3s, along with lots of high quality animal protein and a ton of vitamins and minerals… including large amounts of Magnesium, Potassium, Selenium and all the B-vitamins (2). It is a good idea to eat fatty fish at least once or twice a week, to get all the Omega-3s that your body (and brain) desperately need.
Studies show that the people who eat fatty fish regularly have a lower risk of heart disease, dementia, depression and a plethora of common diseases (3, 4, 5, 6). Also, let’s not forget the fact that salmon tastes awesome and is fairly simple to prepare. It also tends to make you feel full with relatively few calories.
If you can, choose wild salmon instead of farmed. It is more nutritious, has a betterOmega-6:Omega-3 ratio and is less likely to contain harmful compounds (7, 8).
Bottom Line: Fatty fish like salmon is loaded with beneficial fatty acids, protein, vitamins and minerals. It is a good idea to eat fatty fish every week.
2. Kale
Of all the super healthy leafy greens, kale is the king. It is loaded with vitamins, minerals, fiber, antioxidants and various bioactive compounds.
A 100 gram portion of kale contains (9):
200% of the RDA for Vitamin C.
300% of the RDA for Vitamin A (from beta-carotene).
1000% of the RDA for Vitamin K1.
Large amounts of Vitamin B6, Potassium, Calcium, Magnesium, Copper and Manganese.
This is coming with 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of protein and only 50 calories. Kale may be even healthier than spinach. Both are super nutritious, but kale is lower in oxalates, which are substances that can bind minerals like calcium in the intestine, preventing them from being absorbed (10).
Kale (and other greens) are also loaded with various bioactive compounds, including Isothiocyanates and Indole-3-Carbinol, which have been shown to fight cancer in test tubes and animal studies (11, 12).
Bottom Line: Kale is one of the most nutrient dense vegetables you can eat, with large amounts of vitamins, minerals and cancer-fighting compounds.
3. Seaweed
The sea has more than just fish… it also contains massive amounts of vegetation.
Usually referred to as “seaweed,” there are thousands of different plant species in the ocean, some of which are incredibly nutritious (13).
In many cases, seaweed is even more nutritious than vegetables from the land. It is particularly high in minerals like Calcium, Iron, Magnesium and Manganese (14). It is also loaded with various bioactive compounds, including phycocyanins and carotenoids. Some of these substances are antioxidants with powerful anti-inflammatory activity (15).
But where seaweed really shines is in its high content of iodine, a mineral that is used to make thyroid hormones. Just eating a high-iodine seaweed like kelp a few times per month can give your body all the iodine that it needs.
If you don’t like the thought of eating seaweed, then you can also get it as a supplement. Dried kelp tablets are very cheap and loaded with iodine. Many sushi dishes also include seaweed in them, along with other goodies.
Bottom Line: The vegetables from the sea are highly nutritious, but very rarely consumed in Western parts of the world. They are particularly high in iodine, which is essential for optimal thyroid function.
4. Garlic
Garlic really is an amazing ingredient. Not only can it turn all sorts of bland dishes into delicious treats, it is also incredibly nutritious.
It is high in vitamins C, B1 and B6, Calcium, Potassium, Copper, Manganese and Selenium (16). But garlic is also loaded with another incredibly important nutrient called Allicin, which is the active ingredient in garlic.
There are many studies on the health benefits of allicin and garlic. It has been shown to lower blood pressure and total and LDL cholesterol, while raising HDL… which should lead to a reduced risk of heart disease down the line (17, 18, 19, 20).
It also has various cancer-fighting properties. Studies show that the people who eat a lot of garlic have a much lower risk of several common cancers, especially cancers of the colon and stomach (21, 22). Garlic is also very potent at killing pathogens like bacteria and fungi (23, 24).
Bottom Line: Garlic is both tasty and extremely healthy. It is highly nutritious and the bioactive compounds in it have known disease fighting properties.
5. Shellfish
Out of all the wonderfully nutritious organisms found in the sea, shellfish may be the most nutritious of all. Commonly consumed types of shellfish include clams, oysters and various others.
Clams are among the best sources of vitamin B12 in existence, with a 100 grams of clams supplying over 16 times the RDA! It is also loaded with other nutrients, including Vitamin C, B-Vitamins, Potassium, Selenium and Iron (25).
Oysters are also incredibly nutritious… with a 100 grams supplying 6 times the RDA for Zinc, 2 times the RDA for Copper, along with large amounts of B12 and Vitamin D – along with a plethora of other nutrients (26). Really, shellfish are among the most nutritious foods in existence. Unfortunately, people rarely consume them.
They may also be considered a great food for people who want to be as close to vegetarian/vegan as possible, while also getting most of the benefits of consuming animal foods. Shellfish is non-sentient.
Bottom Line: Shellfish are among the most nutritious organisms found in the sea. They are very high in important nutrients like Vitamin B12 and Zinc.
6. Potatoes
If there’s one high-carb food that I miss on my low-carb diet, it’s potatoes.
A single large potato contains lots of Potassium, Magnesium, Iron, Copper and Manganese… with plenty of vitamin C and most of the B vitamins (27). Potatoes really are one of the world’s most perfect foods.
They contain a little bit of almost every nutrient we need and there have been accounts of people living onnothing but potatoes for a long time. They are also one of the most fulfilling foods in existence. When researchers compared the “satiety value” of different foods, boiled potatoes scored higher than any other food they measured (28).
If you cook the potatoes and then allow them to cool afterwards, they also form large amounts of resistant starch, a fiber-like substance with many powerful health benefits (29).
Bottom Line: Potatoes contain a little bit of almost every nutrient we need. They are incredibly fulfilling and can contain large amounts of resistant starch.
7. Liver
Humans and pre-humans have been eating animals formillions of years. However… back in the day, we didn’t just eat the muscles like we do today. Compared to the organs, muscle meat is nutritionally poor.
There are even accounts of modern hunter-gatherers selectively eating the organs, then feeding lean muscle meat to the dogs. Out of all the organs, liver is by far the most nutritious.
The liver is a remarkable organ with hundreds of functions related to metabolism. One of its functions is to store important nutrients for the rest of the body.
A 100 gram portion of beef liver contains (30):
1176% of the RDA for Vitamin B12.
Over 50% of the RDA for Vitamins B6, B5, Niacin and Folate.
201% of the RDA for Vitamin B2.
634% of the RDA for Vitamin A.
714% of the RDA for Copper.
Over 30% of the RDA for Iron, Phosphorus, Zinc and Selenium.
29 grams of high quality animal protein.
Eating liver once per week is a good way to ensure that you get optimal amounts of these very important nutrients.
Bottom Line: Hunter-gatherers who eat meat usually prize organs like liver, because they are the most nutritious parts of the animal.
8. Sardines
Sardines are small, oily fish that are usually eaten whole. This includes bones, skin, organs, brains and everything.
Given that the organs are usually the most nutritious parts of an animal, it is not surprising to see that whole sardines are incredibly nutritious. They contain a little bit of almost every nutrient that the body needs and are pretty close to being perfect from a nutritional standpoint (31).
Like other fatty fish, they’re also very high in heart-healthy Omega-3s.
Bottom Line: Small, oily fish like sardines are usually eaten whole, which includes the organs, bones, brains and other nutritious parts. They contain a little bit of almost every nutrient we need.
9. Blueberries
When it comes to the nutritional value of fruits, blueberries are in a league of their own.
Although they’re not as high in vitamins and minerals as vegetables (calorie for calorie), the antioxidant content is where they really shine. They are loaded with powerful antioxidant substances, including anthocyanins and various phytochemicals, some of which can cross the blood-brain barrier and exert protective effects on the brain (32).
Several studies have examined the health effects of blueberries in humans. One study found that blueberries improved memory in older adults (33).
Another study found that obese men and women with metabolic syndrome had a lowered blood pressure and reduced markers of oxidized LDL cholesterol, when they added blueberries to their diet (34). This finding makes sense, given that eating blueberries has been shown to increase the antioxidant value of the blood (35).
Then multiple studies in test tubes and experimental animals suggest that blueberries can help fight cancer (36, 37, 38).
Bottom Line: Blueberries are very nutritious compared to most fruits and are loaded with powerful antioxidants, some of which can increase the antioxidant value of the blood and have protective effects on the brain.
10. Egg Yolks
Egg yolks have been unfairly demonized because of their cholesterol content. But the studies actually show that dietary cholesterol isn’t something you need to worry about, because cholesterol in the diet doesn’t raise the “bad” cholesterol in the blood (39).
What we’re left with is one of the most nutritious foods on the planet. Whole eggs are so nutritious that they’re often referred to as “nature’s multivitamin.” Egg yolks are loaded with vitamins, minerals and various powerful nutrients (40).
They’re high in Lutein and Zeaxanthine, antioxidants that can protect the eyes and reduce your risk of eye diseases like cataracts and macular degeneration (41). Eggs are also loaded with choline, a brain nutrient that about 90% of people aren’t getting enough of (42).
Eggs also contain high quality protein and healthy fats. Several studies suggest that they can help you lose weight (43, 44). Really… whole eggs are an amazing food. The yolk is where almost all the nutrients are found, throwing it away is the absolute worst thing you can do.
Also let’s not forget that eggs are cheap, taste amazing and are super easy to prepare. If you can, get pastured and/or Omega-3 enriched eggs. They’re healthier and more nutritious than most “conventional” supermarket eggs (45, 46).
Bottom Line: Whole eggs are so nutritious that they’re often called “nature’s multivitamin.” The yolk is where almost all of the nutrients are found, just eating the whites is a terrible idea.
11. Dark Chocolate (Cocoa)
Dark chocolate with a high cocoa content is one of the most nutritious foods you can eat. It is loaded with fiber, iron, magnesium, copper and manganese (47).
But the biggest factor is its amazing range of antioxidants. In fact, a study showed that cocoa and dark chocolate scored higher than any other food they tested, which included blueberries and acai berries (48).
There are multiple studies in humans showing that dark chocolate has powerful health benefits… including improved blood flow, a lower blood pressure, reduced oxidized LDL and improved brain function (49, 50, 51, 52).
One study found that people who consumed chocolate 5+ times per week had a 57% lower risk of heart disease (53). Given that heart disease is the most common cause of death in the world, this finding could have implications for millions of people.
Make sure to get dark chocolate with a 70% cocoa content, at least. The best ones contain 85% cocoa or higher. Eating a small square of quality dark chocolate every day may be one of the best ways to “supplement” your diet with additional antioxidants.
Not all fish is created equal. Salmon, and other fatty types of fish, contain the greatest amount of Omega-3s.
Omega-3 fatty acids are extremely important for the optimal function of your body. They’re linked to improved wellbeing and a lower risk of many serious diseases (1). Although salmon is mainly prized for its beneficial composition of fatty acids, it also packs a massive amount of other nutrients.
A 100 gram piece of wild salmon contains 2.8 grams of Omega-3s, along with lots of high quality animal protein and a ton of vitamins and minerals… including large amounts of Magnesium, Potassium, Selenium and all the B-vitamins (2). It is a good idea to eat fatty fish at least once or twice a week, to get all the Omega-3s that your body (and brain) desperately need.
Studies show that the people who eat fatty fish regularly have a lower risk of heart disease, dementia, depression and a plethora of common diseases (3, 4, 5, 6). Also, let’s not forget the fact that salmon tastes awesome and is fairly simple to prepare. It also tends to make you feel full with relatively few calories.
If you can, choose wild salmon instead of farmed. It is more nutritious, has a betterOmega-6:Omega-3 ratio and is less likely to contain harmful compounds (7, 8).
Bottom Line: Fatty fish like salmon is loaded with beneficial fatty acids, protein, vitamins and minerals. It is a good idea to eat fatty fish every week.
2. Kale
Of all the super healthy leafy greens, kale is the king. It is loaded with vitamins, minerals, fiber, antioxidants and various bioactive compounds.
A 100 gram portion of kale contains (9):
200% of the RDA for Vitamin C.
300% of the RDA for Vitamin A (from beta-carotene).
1000% of the RDA for Vitamin K1.
Large amounts of Vitamin B6, Potassium, Calcium, Magnesium, Copper and Manganese.
This is coming with 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of protein and only 50 calories. Kale may be even healthier than spinach. Both are super nutritious, but kale is lower in oxalates, which are substances that can bind minerals like calcium in the intestine, preventing them from being absorbed (10).
Kale (and other greens) are also loaded with various bioactive compounds, including Isothiocyanates and Indole-3-Carbinol, which have been shown to fight cancer in test tubes and animal studies (11, 12).
Bottom Line: Kale is one of the most nutrient dense vegetables you can eat, with large amounts of vitamins, minerals and cancer-fighting compounds.
3. Seaweed
The sea has more than just fish… it also contains massive amounts of vegetation.
Usually referred to as “seaweed,” there are thousands of different plant species in the ocean, some of which are incredibly nutritious (13).
In many cases, seaweed is even more nutritious than vegetables from the land. It is particularly high in minerals like Calcium, Iron, Magnesium and Manganese (14). It is also loaded with various bioactive compounds, including phycocyanins and carotenoids. Some of these substances are antioxidants with powerful anti-inflammatory activity (15).
But where seaweed really shines is in its high content of iodine, a mineral that is used to make thyroid hormones. Just eating a high-iodine seaweed like kelp a few times per month can give your body all the iodine that it needs.
If you don’t like the thought of eating seaweed, then you can also get it as a supplement. Dried kelp tablets are very cheap and loaded with iodine. Many sushi dishes also include seaweed in them, along with other goodies.
Bottom Line: The vegetables from the sea are highly nutritious, but very rarely consumed in Western parts of the world. They are particularly high in iodine, which is essential for optimal thyroid function.
4. Garlic
Garlic really is an amazing ingredient. Not only can it turn all sorts of bland dishes into delicious treats, it is also incredibly nutritious.
It is high in vitamins C, B1 and B6, Calcium, Potassium, Copper, Manganese and Selenium (16). But garlic is also loaded with another incredibly important nutrient called Allicin, which is the active ingredient in garlic.
There are many studies on the health benefits of allicin and garlic. It has been shown to lower blood pressure and total and LDL cholesterol, while raising HDL… which should lead to a reduced risk of heart disease down the line (17, 18, 19, 20).
It also has various cancer-fighting properties. Studies show that the people who eat a lot of garlic have a much lower risk of several common cancers, especially cancers of the colon and stomach (21, 22). Garlic is also very potent at killing pathogens like bacteria and fungi (23, 24).
Bottom Line: Garlic is both tasty and extremely healthy. It is highly nutritious and the bioactive compounds in it have known disease fighting properties.
5. Shellfish
Out of all the wonderfully nutritious organisms found in the sea, shellfish may be the most nutritious of all. Commonly consumed types of shellfish include clams, oysters and various others.
Clams are among the best sources of vitamin B12 in existence, with a 100 grams of clams supplying over 16 times the RDA! It is also loaded with other nutrients, including Vitamin C, B-Vitamins, Potassium, Selenium and Iron (25).
Oysters are also incredibly nutritious… with a 100 grams supplying 6 times the RDA for Zinc, 2 times the RDA for Copper, along with large amounts of B12 and Vitamin D – along with a plethora of other nutrients (26). Really, shellfish are among the most nutritious foods in existence. Unfortunately, people rarely consume them.
They may also be considered a great food for people who want to be as close to vegetarian/vegan as possible, while also getting most of the benefits of consuming animal foods. Shellfish is non-sentient.
Bottom Line: Shellfish are among the most nutritious organisms found in the sea. They are very high in important nutrients like Vitamin B12 and Zinc.
6. Potatoes
If there’s one high-carb food that I miss on my low-carb diet, it’s potatoes.
A single large potato contains lots of Potassium, Magnesium, Iron, Copper and Manganese… with plenty of vitamin C and most of the B vitamins (27). Potatoes really are one of the world’s most perfect foods.
They contain a little bit of almost every nutrient we need and there have been accounts of people living onnothing but potatoes for a long time. They are also one of the most fulfilling foods in existence. When researchers compared the “satiety value” of different foods, boiled potatoes scored higher than any other food they measured (28).
If you cook the potatoes and then allow them to cool afterwards, they also form large amounts of resistant starch, a fiber-like substance with many powerful health benefits (29).
Bottom Line: Potatoes contain a little bit of almost every nutrient we need. They are incredibly fulfilling and can contain large amounts of resistant starch.
7. Liver
Humans and pre-humans have been eating animals formillions of years. However… back in the day, we didn’t just eat the muscles like we do today. Compared to the organs, muscle meat is nutritionally poor.
There are even accounts of modern hunter-gatherers selectively eating the organs, then feeding lean muscle meat to the dogs. Out of all the organs, liver is by far the most nutritious.
The liver is a remarkable organ with hundreds of functions related to metabolism. One of its functions is to store important nutrients for the rest of the body.
A 100 gram portion of beef liver contains (30):
1176% of the RDA for Vitamin B12.
Over 50% of the RDA for Vitamins B6, B5, Niacin and Folate.
201% of the RDA for Vitamin B2.
634% of the RDA for Vitamin A.
714% of the RDA for Copper.
Over 30% of the RDA for Iron, Phosphorus, Zinc and Selenium.
29 grams of high quality animal protein.
Eating liver once per week is a good way to ensure that you get optimal amounts of these very important nutrients.
Bottom Line: Hunter-gatherers who eat meat usually prize organs like liver, because they are the most nutritious parts of the animal.
8. Sardines
Sardines are small, oily fish that are usually eaten whole. This includes bones, skin, organs, brains and everything.
Given that the organs are usually the most nutritious parts of an animal, it is not surprising to see that whole sardines are incredibly nutritious. They contain a little bit of almost every nutrient that the body needs and are pretty close to being perfect from a nutritional standpoint (31).
Like other fatty fish, they’re also very high in heart-healthy Omega-3s.
Bottom Line: Small, oily fish like sardines are usually eaten whole, which includes the organs, bones, brains and other nutritious parts. They contain a little bit of almost every nutrient we need.
9. Blueberries
When it comes to the nutritional value of fruits, blueberries are in a league of their own.
Although they’re not as high in vitamins and minerals as vegetables (calorie for calorie), the antioxidant content is where they really shine. They are loaded with powerful antioxidant substances, including anthocyanins and various phytochemicals, some of which can cross the blood-brain barrier and exert protective effects on the brain (32).
Several studies have examined the health effects of blueberries in humans. One study found that blueberries improved memory in older adults (33).
Another study found that obese men and women with metabolic syndrome had a lowered blood pressure and reduced markers of oxidized LDL cholesterol, when they added blueberries to their diet (34). This finding makes sense, given that eating blueberries has been shown to increase the antioxidant value of the blood (35).
Then multiple studies in test tubes and experimental animals suggest that blueberries can help fight cancer (36, 37, 38).
Bottom Line: Blueberries are very nutritious compared to most fruits and are loaded with powerful antioxidants, some of which can increase the antioxidant value of the blood and have protective effects on the brain.
10. Egg Yolks
Egg yolks have been unfairly demonized because of their cholesterol content. But the studies actually show that dietary cholesterol isn’t something you need to worry about, because cholesterol in the diet doesn’t raise the “bad” cholesterol in the blood (39).
What we’re left with is one of the most nutritious foods on the planet. Whole eggs are so nutritious that they’re often referred to as “nature’s multivitamin.” Egg yolks are loaded with vitamins, minerals and various powerful nutrients (40).
They’re high in Lutein and Zeaxanthine, antioxidants that can protect the eyes and reduce your risk of eye diseases like cataracts and macular degeneration (41). Eggs are also loaded with choline, a brain nutrient that about 90% of people aren’t getting enough of (42).
Eggs also contain high quality protein and healthy fats. Several studies suggest that they can help you lose weight (43, 44). Really… whole eggs are an amazing food. The yolk is where almost all the nutrients are found, throwing it away is the absolute worst thing you can do.
Also let’s not forget that eggs are cheap, taste amazing and are super easy to prepare. If you can, get pastured and/or Omega-3 enriched eggs. They’re healthier and more nutritious than most “conventional” supermarket eggs (45, 46).
Bottom Line: Whole eggs are so nutritious that they’re often called “nature’s multivitamin.” The yolk is where almost all of the nutrients are found, just eating the whites is a terrible idea.
11. Dark Chocolate (Cocoa)
Dark chocolate with a high cocoa content is one of the most nutritious foods you can eat. It is loaded with fiber, iron, magnesium, copper and manganese (47).
But the biggest factor is its amazing range of antioxidants. In fact, a study showed that cocoa and dark chocolate scored higher than any other food they tested, which included blueberries and acai berries (48).
There are multiple studies in humans showing that dark chocolate has powerful health benefits… including improved blood flow, a lower blood pressure, reduced oxidized LDL and improved brain function (49, 50, 51, 52).
One study found that people who consumed chocolate 5+ times per week had a 57% lower risk of heart disease (53). Given that heart disease is the most common cause of death in the world, this finding could have implications for millions of people.
Make sure to get dark chocolate with a 70% cocoa content, at least. The best ones contain 85% cocoa or higher. Eating a small square of quality dark chocolate every day may be one of the best ways to “supplement” your diet with additional antioxidants.
you know, i like working. i was just reminded of when i WAS working, this song used to come on the radio (say something im giving up on you), and it reminds me of when i was working! i like having a job, i do! i like feeling like i am doing something productive with my life. i also enjoy DRIVING to and fro work. i like to make mixed cds to listen to on and from my drive home from work. sigh. i'm going to lose my license. :(
what am i going to DO with myself!???!
:( i just want to be HAPPY!! AND MOVE AHEAD! AND FEEL EXCITEMENT! AND HAVE COMPANY! i often times look at apartment listings on craigslist, just to fantasize about finally having my own comfortable little living space, thats all! i would invite friends over to hang out. it will be fun. damn this fucking DUI shit! im so pissed and upset. this is a big setback.
and i am getting older so i can't keep trying to live like a young 20 something, im almost 40!!?!? i want children!! oh the cursor disappeard now...well, ok thats all for now. but yes i do miss working. i like to work! ya know!! what!? i do! but i also like being able to drive to and fro (maybe i can get that program where i am allowed to drive to work)
what am i going to DO with myself!???!
:( i just want to be HAPPY!! AND MOVE AHEAD! AND FEEL EXCITEMENT! AND HAVE COMPANY! i often times look at apartment listings on craigslist, just to fantasize about finally having my own comfortable little living space, thats all! i would invite friends over to hang out. it will be fun. damn this fucking DUI shit! im so pissed and upset. this is a big setback.
and i am getting older so i can't keep trying to live like a young 20 something, im almost 40!!?!? i want children!! oh the cursor disappeard now...well, ok thats all for now. but yes i do miss working. i like to work! ya know!! what!? i do! but i also like being able to drive to and fro (maybe i can get that program where i am allowed to drive to work)
healthy menu
a healthy menu, along with daily exercise (whether it be a brisk walk, a jog/prance/sprint, bike riding, basketball, tennis, volleyball, swimming...ANYTHING really, that gets your heart racing, is good for you!)
BREAKFAST: (choose one daily)
whole wheat/rye toast toppings: guacamole, almond/peanut butter and strawberries/banana with chia seeds, coconut oil
greek yogurt, crushed nuts (peanuts, almonds, walnuts whatever), fruits, chia seeds
egg whites scramble or omelette with bell/red/yellow pepper, low fat shredded cheese, mushrooms, scallions, whole wheat toast
fruit smoothie" almond milk, banana, protein powder or blueberries, skim milk, strawberries, chia seeds, protein powder
steel cut oatmeal with fruit toppings
fiber cereal
SNACK: walnuts, almonds, carrots/bell peppers with hummus, baby bell cheese and whole wheat crackers, low fat yogurt, 1 small peice dark chocolate, fresh fruits
LUNCH: whole wheat tortillas with grilled chicken strips, shredded cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, black olives
sauteed kale in coconut oil, shrimp, a bit of low sodium soy sauce, sesame seeds, sauteed with pepper, mushrooms, baby corn
tuna salad with light mayo, celery, red pepper, on toasted whole wheat with spinach leaves
(have lunch with one of snack)
homemade tomato soup
homemade salad, salad greens, grilled chicken, fresh veggies, homemade salad dressing (i will make a list of homemade dressings you can make soon)
DINNER: (MIX AND MATCH) ((make bowls, serve indivually, whatever)
baked or sauteed seasoned chicken (season with anything ranging from fresh or powdered garlic, salt/pepper, lemon pepper, cajun seasoning, curry, turmeric, etc) or marinade with soy/hot sauce
baked salmon (marinade in low fat soy sauce, teriyaki, orange juice, siracha) smother in chopped up garlic, ginger, add lemon slices, sesame seeds, when done baked add a dollop of greek yogurt and scallions and a squeeze of lemon juice
sauteed shrimp with veggies marinaded
quinoa, brown and wild rice, couscous (if you feel like making it)
side veggies, mushrooms, beans, edamame, broccoli, steamed kale, spinach, tomatoes etc
pastas, whole wheat noodles with HOMEMADE SAUCE: (look online for recipes...FRESH TOMATOS EQUAL LYCOPENE!)
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO USE FRESH CHOPPED HERBS! PARSELY, BASIL, ROSEMARY, CILANTRO, SAGE, LEMONGRASS, DILL etc
FRESH LIMES AND LEMONS!
FRESH GARLIC, FRESH GINGER
DRINKS:
breakfast, orange juice, cran/blueberry juice, blueberry juice
water (use lemon slices, cucumber slices, rosemary, frozen watermelon chunks, limes,) make a fresh batch each morning, add lots of ice, drink all day with lunch and dinner
glass of red wine for dinner (if so desired)
lots of herbal teas throughout day
DAILY ESSENTIALS
multi vitamin, (if desired) fish oil, vitamin D, iron (if needed), iodine
shot of apple cider vinegar before meals with a large glass of room temperature water with squeezed lemon
metamucil tablet (for fiber!)
BREAKFAST: (choose one daily)
whole wheat/rye toast toppings: guacamole, almond/peanut butter and strawberries/banana with chia seeds, coconut oil
greek yogurt, crushed nuts (peanuts, almonds, walnuts whatever), fruits, chia seeds
egg whites scramble or omelette with bell/red/yellow pepper, low fat shredded cheese, mushrooms, scallions, whole wheat toast
fruit smoothie" almond milk, banana, protein powder or blueberries, skim milk, strawberries, chia seeds, protein powder
steel cut oatmeal with fruit toppings
fiber cereal
SNACK: walnuts, almonds, carrots/bell peppers with hummus, baby bell cheese and whole wheat crackers, low fat yogurt, 1 small peice dark chocolate, fresh fruits
LUNCH: whole wheat tortillas with grilled chicken strips, shredded cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, black olives
sauteed kale in coconut oil, shrimp, a bit of low sodium soy sauce, sesame seeds, sauteed with pepper, mushrooms, baby corn
tuna salad with light mayo, celery, red pepper, on toasted whole wheat with spinach leaves
(have lunch with one of snack)
homemade tomato soup
homemade salad, salad greens, grilled chicken, fresh veggies, homemade salad dressing (i will make a list of homemade dressings you can make soon)
DINNER: (MIX AND MATCH) ((make bowls, serve indivually, whatever)
baked or sauteed seasoned chicken (season with anything ranging from fresh or powdered garlic, salt/pepper, lemon pepper, cajun seasoning, curry, turmeric, etc) or marinade with soy/hot sauce
baked salmon (marinade in low fat soy sauce, teriyaki, orange juice, siracha) smother in chopped up garlic, ginger, add lemon slices, sesame seeds, when done baked add a dollop of greek yogurt and scallions and a squeeze of lemon juice
sauteed shrimp with veggies marinaded
quinoa, brown and wild rice, couscous (if you feel like making it)
side veggies, mushrooms, beans, edamame, broccoli, steamed kale, spinach, tomatoes etc
pastas, whole wheat noodles with HOMEMADE SAUCE: (look online for recipes...FRESH TOMATOS EQUAL LYCOPENE!)
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO USE FRESH CHOPPED HERBS! PARSELY, BASIL, ROSEMARY, CILANTRO, SAGE, LEMONGRASS, DILL etc
FRESH LIMES AND LEMONS!
FRESH GARLIC, FRESH GINGER
DRINKS:
breakfast, orange juice, cran/blueberry juice, blueberry juice
water (use lemon slices, cucumber slices, rosemary, frozen watermelon chunks, limes,) make a fresh batch each morning, add lots of ice, drink all day with lunch and dinner
glass of red wine for dinner (if so desired)
lots of herbal teas throughout day
DAILY ESSENTIALS
multi vitamin, (if desired) fish oil, vitamin D, iron (if needed), iodine
shot of apple cider vinegar before meals with a large glass of room temperature water with squeezed lemon
metamucil tablet (for fiber!)
my waistline is NOT where i want it to be! i have a muffin top again. i am so depressed. all i ever wanted this year is to save my money and get my own place! now i am not even sure what will happen to me now? i think i am going to jail and my time will be consumed by community service. i felt hopefuly beginning of the year but everything is going downhill. this is not what i wanted. i also got sick of mikes bullshit, which is why i left in the first place. he still asks me all the time if i got a job. i feel like i cant breathe! and every day is a cold day, a rainy day...i am sick of this i am going to hyper ventilate. also, my sister does not like me as a person, mike is a jerk to me, i don't have a job, and i am gaining weight and i am just not happy.
what do i eat for breakfast? pancakes and sausage!??!
i need my own place. i need a new car. i need people in my life who i respect and enjoy spending time with, and vice versa! energy! i want to find some one who makes my heart beat and that makes me excited to know i will spend time with that person, but that is not really important right now.
all that money i saved will now go towards this bullshit.
i have fun ideas. i want to visit weird nj spots, make videos, go on motorcycle rides, go to the drive in, go camping, cook outs, parties, pig roasts, shops, canoeing, tattoos, photoshoots, lil trips, etc etc etc!!!
tea parties, painting, running, hiking, bicycling, color runs, exploring, i need my eyes to be bright eyes!! exciting! new, and refreshed! i want to feel attraction. i want to feel motivation!
anyways
FOR BREAKFAST:
what do i eat for breakfast? pancakes and sausage!??!
i need my own place. i need a new car. i need people in my life who i respect and enjoy spending time with, and vice versa! energy! i want to find some one who makes my heart beat and that makes me excited to know i will spend time with that person, but that is not really important right now.
all that money i saved will now go towards this bullshit.
i have fun ideas. i want to visit weird nj spots, make videos, go on motorcycle rides, go to the drive in, go camping, cook outs, parties, pig roasts, shops, canoeing, tattoos, photoshoots, lil trips, etc etc etc!!!
tea parties, painting, running, hiking, bicycling, color runs, exploring, i need my eyes to be bright eyes!! exciting! new, and refreshed! i want to feel attraction. i want to feel motivation!
anyways
FOR BREAKFAST:
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
tila is pregnant
its been a while since i have read any 'tila' news...heres a few new ones from ghost rider radio (brings me back to the olden days when i used to peruse those hater sites)
i dont know!??
http://www.ghostriderradio.net/2014/04/28/tila-tequila-baby-carrying-spirit-jesus-preparing-return-christ/
i dont know!??
http://www.ghostriderradio.net/2014/04/28/tila-tequila-baby-carrying-spirit-jesus-preparing-return-christ/
Monday, April 28, 2014
depressed again
I need to do something with my life. I am confused....I want a job. I need money, (and i am going to need it!!) I am really depressed! Not to mention, feeling like a complete failure. If it was not for this upcoming court appearances, I would not be feeling so stressed out and lost. To think, 2 months ago, I was hopeful. I was working, saving my money. I was frugal and careful about spending money. Then, I had to drive, all the way to Bethlehem. When we were at MacGradys', it was boring. We were just sitting there!??! I do not know why I did not just get a bottle of Yuengling (which I normally do). I got a pitcher? I saw they had a pitcher, and I figured it was cheaper? I mentioned how important it was to NOT get my car towed! When you get your car towed, it will cost you less than 300.00. I could not afford that! Well, I ended up getting my car towed! Not only that, but a few days later, I gave my lawyer 1500.00. Now, I am facing 3 months in jail. So, why even bother to get a job if I have court dates and jail time to look forward too? Why go through getting hired for all that? I should of kept that job with the temp agency, but it is SO hard for me to wake up, I can do it, but that job was 615am-430pm? It was in Bethlehehm too. I would have to wake up at 445 am each morning, and drive and work 10 hours! I was exhausted working from 730-330 every day. I did it, but I was so exhausted! I need to get my medical coverage so that I can get my bloodwork taken and so that I can get my prescriptions filled. I haven't been taking my prescriptions for my hypothryoidism in months! I want a job tho! I just cannot have one where i have to wake up so early! I will go look for a job. being hypo means you have no energy, you are tired, depressed, and gain weight, and cold all the time. thats me!
I want to get this over with. I still need to move out. i still have goals. ughh i dont know anymore? i am going to montreal end of month with my parents. the board is paying for our car rental, hotel and any other expenses. this is about the settlement dealing with the unjust nature that my mother and hundreds of other native children had to endure in the boarding schools.
here is a little bit more information about that.
maybe i can write a story about a little girl who went to one of those boarding schools.
also, my mothers brother, was sent to one of those schools. he mysteriously died. i never met him. my mother also had a sister, (im not sure if she was born before my mom was or what?) my grandmother had taken her to the drs, and the girl was only a toddler, about 2. she was sitting on the waiting table thing, and she got scared and held her hands out to my grandmother, and she fell, and was killed right there. this brings tears to my eyes each time i think about it. my mother just recently told me this.
here is a link about these residential schools:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Indian_residential_school_system
http://www.culturalsurvival.org/publications/cultural-survival-quarterly/canada/oh-canada
some people, depending on the extent of their abuse, have gotten 100,00.00. my mom has not spoken about what she went through, but she was witness to abuse, hitting on the hand with a ruler, not being able to speak her language, cutting off her hair super short.
they also allow her children 3000.00 towards their education. if they are going to school somewhere, they can use that towards their education, like i just said.
even tho lisa thinks the worse of me, i would tell lisa to use that money for her furthering her education she still needs her masters (is masters after bachelors? im stupid what do i know?)
i just, i really do not like myself. i don't know what to do anymore!??!
oh heres another link: https://www.aadnc-aandc.gc.ca/eng/1332949137290/1332949312397
I want to get this over with. I still need to move out. i still have goals. ughh i dont know anymore? i am going to montreal end of month with my parents. the board is paying for our car rental, hotel and any other expenses. this is about the settlement dealing with the unjust nature that my mother and hundreds of other native children had to endure in the boarding schools.
here is a little bit more information about that.
maybe i can write a story about a little girl who went to one of those boarding schools.
also, my mothers brother, was sent to one of those schools. he mysteriously died. i never met him. my mother also had a sister, (im not sure if she was born before my mom was or what?) my grandmother had taken her to the drs, and the girl was only a toddler, about 2. she was sitting on the waiting table thing, and she got scared and held her hands out to my grandmother, and she fell, and was killed right there. this brings tears to my eyes each time i think about it. my mother just recently told me this.
here is a link about these residential schools:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Indian_residential_school_system
http://www.culturalsurvival.org/publications/cultural-survival-quarterly/canada/oh-canada
some people, depending on the extent of their abuse, have gotten 100,00.00. my mom has not spoken about what she went through, but she was witness to abuse, hitting on the hand with a ruler, not being able to speak her language, cutting off her hair super short.
they also allow her children 3000.00 towards their education. if they are going to school somewhere, they can use that towards their education, like i just said.
even tho lisa thinks the worse of me, i would tell lisa to use that money for her furthering her education she still needs her masters (is masters after bachelors? im stupid what do i know?)
i just, i really do not like myself. i don't know what to do anymore!??!
oh heres another link: https://www.aadnc-aandc.gc.ca/eng/1332949137290/1332949312397
WARNING randoms
"I feel so close to you right now, like a force field"
I remember, that song was playing, the first time I met up with this guy I used to like, that guy from the airport remember? Turns out, well, I just figured he is/was a fun guy to hang out with, but....it just..you know, never turned into anything more. not that i was hoping it would. i have been doing some thinking tonight, (not just tonight tho), but im gonna go ahead and blog about it, like i always do!??
man, is it NOT a good feeling when you are not sure who reads this blog? its kind of some weird, gross, exposed feeling, which i, well, i cant say that i really like it!??
i dont want family members to know i have this blog. i dont mind strangers, or...i mean, my stats show that i have....about...5-6 returning visitors. so maybe i only have like, 5, probably less....people that read my blogs on a regular basis. also, i am not getting the +1's anymore...so whoever was doing that....stopped...shrug...
yeah so, its kind of an awkward and pathetic feeling to imagine that like, family members read this? god i hope not. there are different aspects that we as indivuals (huh?) yeah, show to people in our lives you know? we show a different side to our lovers, a different side to our friends, to our kids, to our co-workers, and to our family. facebook totally....kind of...tears those barriers down. (btw i just status updated this, and im actually feeling kind of NERVOUS! its that unsettling paranoia that i hate, but i did it myself. i mean, what is wrong with me? blogging like this!??
facebook kind of blurs the barriers, those barriers you show to the world. do you act like yourself, or, do you hold back, because you have different sides and aspects you project to different people in your life you know? we show different sides to our sig. others, different sides to our friends, to our kids, to our co-workers, and to our family members. so now, we must hold back certain thoughts we have, otherwise its like,''oh...ha!" you know what i mean tho!?? or, just follow the hidden rules of facebook DONT SAY ANYTHING lol! this message has been brought to you by the thoughts of me. gnite
i feel safe in this world, you see? i feel safe, on my comfy bed, in my cozy room, with (adult swim) on the background (((i will get back to that later)))
so yes i feel safe here, so i blog. i write. i mean, but then its like...i dont think about...who will read this?
sigh....
lets get back to the initial paragraph....i mentioned meeting that guy...well, it was fun hanging out with him but i really knew he was not someone i was going to date.
i was thinking about mike. i love him. i am so comfortable with him, his body. i love to hug him. you know. he is someone that i have dated and lived with for a long time. of course i am close to him.
i was thinking how much i liked him when i first started dating him. this was, id have to say, 4 years ago. i met him through mutual friends, at riverside. i went there with jimmy but then him and i were talking, we went to the casino. then mike asked me out to dinner, he had taken me to a fancy restaurant. we would hang out, i would feel excited when he drove over, he would put his hand on my leg while driving. sentimental gestures. we hung out with his friends. he actually liked and enjoyed my company! now he doesnt. which is why it needs to end...will it?
every so often a s summer it seems, would bring on the start of a new romance. adventures, excitement!! connection! summers are so much fun i love summer romance.
i mean, you date someone and break up, that is how that goes, right?
then you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you buy a house together, you have kids!
i could of gotten married. i got pregnant at 19 with my boyfriend danny whom i met in the army. i could of had a 16 year old, maybe more kids!? married. nice house. but i was young minded and not ready to have a kid. i cry all the time when i think about it. :( i cry alot tho....but then i smile. smiling keeps me in a positve state.
do i like who i am now? no. in fact, i agree with my sister. i DONT like me as a person. i dont like the person i am! i feel awkward, i feel like a failure. i feel embarrassed. i feel exposed.
its weird. i dont like it!!?? i got to stop! i will stop once i stop drinking! when i become sober i will also quit...all this nonsense!!
i will focus on writing however. i might as well ya know?
i visit my relatives today. my cousin came back from africa with her family. they were out there for a year. it was nice to see everyone. it always is. kim and her little family came by. and there were kids. kids and babies everywhere! my 2nd cousins brought their babies. so sweet!
everyone is married, house hunting, medical coverage, trading new cars, going well with their careers...
its so wonderful.
yep. so....(ooh they said poison on this show!?? ahhhh!! take me to my fantasy world)
i had a conversation. with...them...that...whatever it is/was/is...
oh!?? ya wanna know? ok sure, i will tell ya!
so, i always chat to my friend on facebook. i mean, yeah....what was i saying...
i am jumping into something before i am ready to continue..
im sure if i didnt make that decision, i too, could of been married and family! oh yes! but..you know....i didnt. im not gonna cry about it (actually i dont cry about that but i cry sometimes i must have a chemical imbalance)
you know when you first meet someone, and they become your boyfriend/girlfriend whatever? you just...click with them. you have things in common you have fun with them! you love them ! when you love to hug and squeeze them that is true love! idk shrug...
like i said, i only had...maybe, 4 real relationships. danny, glenn (met him we both worked at mcdonalds hes a truck driver now good job pays well) (i was with him for 3 years, we shared a lot of crazy times. but no, i would not want to get back with him. that was a time in my past. i mean, ya always feel a connection to someone you dated, but it would not feel right anymore. plus, you know, i moved on he moved on. meh....LOL!! )
i dated jeremy for a while. it was fun and we had fun, we werent really serious tho. so i dont consider him serious i consider someone i 'dated' dated is a casually word. *met him mutual friends again, mothers in easton..we went to school with same people
i was with dennis for a while. (met him through mutual friends)he has a great job! anesthesis. he is married now. good for him! again, no, i could not see myself with him anymore! that was the past. if i saw him, i wouldnt be like, 'OMG' i would be civil and cordial, ya know? i dont harbour feelings for guys in my past.
um....then mike. but mike and i do not connect. i am used to him, but he does not respect me. he does not really enjoy who i am, what i have to say. its weird. he cares about me, but...he doesnt really know me. we dont converse.
i have a friend who i chat with all the time...uh....but, im not sure....YAH BLOGGER ALL OUT THAR!! all out here! damn i feel the period cramps comin on...
its like, what am i doing with my life? yes, i do want to get married. i want to be with someone i feel comfortable with! someone i love! someone i can hug! someone who likes to see my eyes brighten up. someone who makes my eyes brighten up! someone who makes me feel like smiling all the time! you know, true love! (or initial attraction) damn cramps!!
someone who wants to travel, go on trips, start a family with me! encourage me. someone who will make me feel safe.
i am so in that crying mode right now...also in that....weird mood!??
i always msg my friend so i msgd him but he didnt ask me, 'how was your day?' i was waiting for him too but he never did?? i asked him, and he mentioned something about allergies, (i listened) and stuff we were talking about allergies....and i waited for him to ask me how my day went.
at that moment, family guy went, "how was your day?'
finally, i told him, we were at my relatives house today, and my cousin came back from africa with her family. my cousin is part korean (my aunt is DUHHH) so the kids call her 'homini'
they were like 'homini homini'
i then told him earlier family guy had an episode (tonight) where someone goes, 'homina homina'
right!??!? so i was like, 'registered'. i told my friend this, but he did not grasp it! he didnt understand! even tho i alwasy explain to him these weird hidden subliminal msgs @ me...he must of been distracted, or maybe kind of hurt...or annoyed, at the way i am...long story
they just were trying to get my attention. but when i told him, he didnt give the reply i was waiting for or expecting! (something along the lines of, 'oh weird!?") but usually he is good at that because he says, 'right right' (robot chicken one time synched showing an episode that went' right right' at that moment he did it)
i got kind of frustrated and annoyed that he didnt catch on!!!?? that is when, rick and morty show says, 'i find it kind of flattering, and weird'
YES!! yes, right?? it is kind of flattering getting this attention, but yes, very weird!??!
after that, that coca cola commercial comes on, "i feel so close to you right now, like a force field."
i answered on our chat, "yes! i feel so close to you too, whatever/whoever you are??? "
(i notice a theme, china il was on, and this 'bug' was having sex with these women. dat aint natural??
now on metalocalpyse, whats his name...uh....i forget...doesnt matter tho, he got worried because he got turned on by his male doctor, so to him it didnt feel natural...
so it is kind of strange to be having this conversation with 'adult swim' heh!??!
mike told me before i was like hitler (i was like..ok?? so, i am able to convince and control thousands of people? wow') well i heard that on a show, 'POISON AGAIN ON THIS SHOW)
on a show, i meant, it said, 'your like hitler' THEN i refreshed the facebook page and when it came too, i saw a pic of a guy, anthony HILDER! right as i heard HITLER
something about poverty of attention...
what else? i know more stuff happened too....
oh my friend was like, 'im the third wheel' because i was having a convo with adult swim LOL
i then wrote, spinning wheel spinning round and round'
next adult swim bump said WHEEL something about a wheel???
you know, i said i invited mike to go to visions to see flavor flav? on the way back, we had to drive past the spot i pulled into, where the police were waiting...sigh...i would of driven home fine but you know, ehhh...i cant blame anyone. i just hate that this event gives lisa even more of a reason to despise me, despite a letter i really need to send her. (oops i forgot to say we drove past the spot where i drove into, it was closed off 2 mins before i got there...police were like 'waiting for me' i was telling mike about the spinning wheel, guess what song came on? oh the wheel in the sky keeps on turning)
i dont like myself.
(the internet, adult swim 'this is the LSD talking ) i just picked up on those words. i was drugged before and blahhhhhhh im not....i aint writing this shit now yes it is terrible writing all the time (on bobs burgers, she is a news reporter, (i forget her name!??) she is a reporter, she is wearing a green blazer like the one i wear in the return to nuke em high appearance! lol!) she just said, 'it is great writing all the time, wait, it is terrible writing all the time'
i know!?? look at me, rambling like a schizophrenic lunatic!!!
im sure im forgetting more syncs but im getting lazy and the point is moot. like i said, once i get sober, (magic words!!!) i am going to quit blogging
andy and olly are like the gemini twins. they are in all loren bouchard stuff. andy and olly, sifl and olly (idk?), walt and perry
yeah i um...went on adult swim last time CRINGE! thats a weird one...
aww ming ming is being nice even doing the cat massage marble would do. i miss marble. she lives here, but now she never sleeps by head. ming does everything marble used too. he took over. i think that is why marble doesnt. she doesnt sleep by my head or even in my room :( she is being polite i guess
i cant wait till i feel happy and content with my life. no, i dont need a big house, or a family. i would like 'a best friend' (just heard that on tv) but someone that you know...im with! and i will have a kid. i know!! and a career. a job, but im figuring...lets make it happen! im going to write more....i guess...
i do have a crazy imagination dont i?
ugh who am i talking too??
*stinkface* ((HAHA!! weird))
I remember, that song was playing, the first time I met up with this guy I used to like, that guy from the airport remember? Turns out, well, I just figured he is/was a fun guy to hang out with, but....it just..you know, never turned into anything more. not that i was hoping it would. i have been doing some thinking tonight, (not just tonight tho), but im gonna go ahead and blog about it, like i always do!??
man, is it NOT a good feeling when you are not sure who reads this blog? its kind of some weird, gross, exposed feeling, which i, well, i cant say that i really like it!??
i dont want family members to know i have this blog. i dont mind strangers, or...i mean, my stats show that i have....about...5-6 returning visitors. so maybe i only have like, 5, probably less....people that read my blogs on a regular basis. also, i am not getting the +1's anymore...so whoever was doing that....stopped...shrug...
yeah so, its kind of an awkward and pathetic feeling to imagine that like, family members read this? god i hope not. there are different aspects that we as indivuals (huh?) yeah, show to people in our lives you know? we show a different side to our lovers, a different side to our friends, to our kids, to our co-workers, and to our family. facebook totally....kind of...tears those barriers down. (btw i just status updated this, and im actually feeling kind of NERVOUS! its that unsettling paranoia that i hate, but i did it myself. i mean, what is wrong with me? blogging like this!??
facebook kind of blurs the barriers, those barriers you show to the world. do you act like yourself, or, do you hold back, because you have different sides and aspects you project to different people in your life you know? we show different sides to our sig. others, different sides to our friends, to our kids, to our co-workers, and to our family members. so now, we must hold back certain thoughts we have, otherwise its like,''oh...ha!" you know what i mean tho!?? or, just follow the hidden rules of facebook DONT SAY ANYTHING lol! this message has been brought to you by the thoughts of me. gnite
i feel safe in this world, you see? i feel safe, on my comfy bed, in my cozy room, with (adult swim) on the background (((i will get back to that later)))
so yes i feel safe here, so i blog. i write. i mean, but then its like...i dont think about...who will read this?
sigh....
lets get back to the initial paragraph....i mentioned meeting that guy...well, it was fun hanging out with him but i really knew he was not someone i was going to date.
i was thinking about mike. i love him. i am so comfortable with him, his body. i love to hug him. you know. he is someone that i have dated and lived with for a long time. of course i am close to him.
i was thinking how much i liked him when i first started dating him. this was, id have to say, 4 years ago. i met him through mutual friends, at riverside. i went there with jimmy but then him and i were talking, we went to the casino. then mike asked me out to dinner, he had taken me to a fancy restaurant. we would hang out, i would feel excited when he drove over, he would put his hand on my leg while driving. sentimental gestures. we hung out with his friends. he actually liked and enjoyed my company! now he doesnt. which is why it needs to end...will it?
every so often a s summer it seems, would bring on the start of a new romance. adventures, excitement!! connection! summers are so much fun i love summer romance.
i mean, you date someone and break up, that is how that goes, right?
then you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you buy a house together, you have kids!
i could of gotten married. i got pregnant at 19 with my boyfriend danny whom i met in the army. i could of had a 16 year old, maybe more kids!? married. nice house. but i was young minded and not ready to have a kid. i cry all the time when i think about it. :( i cry alot tho....but then i smile. smiling keeps me in a positve state.
do i like who i am now? no. in fact, i agree with my sister. i DONT like me as a person. i dont like the person i am! i feel awkward, i feel like a failure. i feel embarrassed. i feel exposed.
its weird. i dont like it!!?? i got to stop! i will stop once i stop drinking! when i become sober i will also quit...all this nonsense!!
i will focus on writing however. i might as well ya know?
i visit my relatives today. my cousin came back from africa with her family. they were out there for a year. it was nice to see everyone. it always is. kim and her little family came by. and there were kids. kids and babies everywhere! my 2nd cousins brought their babies. so sweet!
everyone is married, house hunting, medical coverage, trading new cars, going well with their careers...
its so wonderful.
yep. so....(ooh they said poison on this show!?? ahhhh!! take me to my fantasy world)
i had a conversation. with...them...that...whatever it is/was/is...
oh!?? ya wanna know? ok sure, i will tell ya!
so, i always chat to my friend on facebook. i mean, yeah....what was i saying...
i am jumping into something before i am ready to continue..
im sure if i didnt make that decision, i too, could of been married and family! oh yes! but..you know....i didnt. im not gonna cry about it (actually i dont cry about that but i cry sometimes i must have a chemical imbalance)
you know when you first meet someone, and they become your boyfriend/girlfriend whatever? you just...click with them. you have things in common you have fun with them! you love them ! when you love to hug and squeeze them that is true love! idk shrug...
like i said, i only had...maybe, 4 real relationships. danny, glenn (met him we both worked at mcdonalds hes a truck driver now good job pays well) (i was with him for 3 years, we shared a lot of crazy times. but no, i would not want to get back with him. that was a time in my past. i mean, ya always feel a connection to someone you dated, but it would not feel right anymore. plus, you know, i moved on he moved on. meh....LOL!! )
i dated jeremy for a while. it was fun and we had fun, we werent really serious tho. so i dont consider him serious i consider someone i 'dated' dated is a casually word. *met him mutual friends again, mothers in easton..we went to school with same people
i was with dennis for a while. (met him through mutual friends)he has a great job! anesthesis. he is married now. good for him! again, no, i could not see myself with him anymore! that was the past. if i saw him, i wouldnt be like, 'OMG' i would be civil and cordial, ya know? i dont harbour feelings for guys in my past.
um....then mike. but mike and i do not connect. i am used to him, but he does not respect me. he does not really enjoy who i am, what i have to say. its weird. he cares about me, but...he doesnt really know me. we dont converse.
i have a friend who i chat with all the time...uh....but, im not sure....YAH BLOGGER ALL OUT THAR!! all out here! damn i feel the period cramps comin on...
its like, what am i doing with my life? yes, i do want to get married. i want to be with someone i feel comfortable with! someone i love! someone i can hug! someone who likes to see my eyes brighten up. someone who makes my eyes brighten up! someone who makes me feel like smiling all the time! you know, true love! (or initial attraction) damn cramps!!
someone who wants to travel, go on trips, start a family with me! encourage me. someone who will make me feel safe.
i am so in that crying mode right now...also in that....weird mood!??
i always msg my friend so i msgd him but he didnt ask me, 'how was your day?' i was waiting for him too but he never did?? i asked him, and he mentioned something about allergies, (i listened) and stuff we were talking about allergies....and i waited for him to ask me how my day went.
at that moment, family guy went, "how was your day?'
finally, i told him, we were at my relatives house today, and my cousin came back from africa with her family. my cousin is part korean (my aunt is DUHHH) so the kids call her 'homini'
they were like 'homini homini'
i then told him earlier family guy had an episode (tonight) where someone goes, 'homina homina'
right!??!? so i was like, 'registered'. i told my friend this, but he did not grasp it! he didnt understand! even tho i alwasy explain to him these weird hidden subliminal msgs @ me...he must of been distracted, or maybe kind of hurt...or annoyed, at the way i am...long story
they just were trying to get my attention. but when i told him, he didnt give the reply i was waiting for or expecting! (something along the lines of, 'oh weird!?") but usually he is good at that because he says, 'right right' (robot chicken one time synched showing an episode that went' right right' at that moment he did it)
i got kind of frustrated and annoyed that he didnt catch on!!!?? that is when, rick and morty show says, 'i find it kind of flattering, and weird'
YES!! yes, right?? it is kind of flattering getting this attention, but yes, very weird!??!
after that, that coca cola commercial comes on, "i feel so close to you right now, like a force field."
i answered on our chat, "yes! i feel so close to you too, whatever/whoever you are??? "
(i notice a theme, china il was on, and this 'bug' was having sex with these women. dat aint natural??
now on metalocalpyse, whats his name...uh....i forget...doesnt matter tho, he got worried because he got turned on by his male doctor, so to him it didnt feel natural...
so it is kind of strange to be having this conversation with 'adult swim' heh!??!
mike told me before i was like hitler (i was like..ok?? so, i am able to convince and control thousands of people? wow') well i heard that on a show, 'POISON AGAIN ON THIS SHOW)
on a show, i meant, it said, 'your like hitler' THEN i refreshed the facebook page and when it came too, i saw a pic of a guy, anthony HILDER! right as i heard HITLER
something about poverty of attention...
what else? i know more stuff happened too....
oh my friend was like, 'im the third wheel' because i was having a convo with adult swim LOL
i then wrote, spinning wheel spinning round and round'
next adult swim bump said WHEEL something about a wheel???
you know, i said i invited mike to go to visions to see flavor flav? on the way back, we had to drive past the spot i pulled into, where the police were waiting...sigh...i would of driven home fine but you know, ehhh...i cant blame anyone. i just hate that this event gives lisa even more of a reason to despise me, despite a letter i really need to send her. (oops i forgot to say we drove past the spot where i drove into, it was closed off 2 mins before i got there...police were like 'waiting for me' i was telling mike about the spinning wheel, guess what song came on? oh the wheel in the sky keeps on turning)
i dont like myself.
(the internet, adult swim 'this is the LSD talking ) i just picked up on those words. i was drugged before and blahhhhhhh im not....i aint writing this shit now yes it is terrible writing all the time (on bobs burgers, she is a news reporter, (i forget her name!??) she is a reporter, she is wearing a green blazer like the one i wear in the return to nuke em high appearance! lol!) she just said, 'it is great writing all the time, wait, it is terrible writing all the time'
i know!?? look at me, rambling like a schizophrenic lunatic!!!
im sure im forgetting more syncs but im getting lazy and the point is moot. like i said, once i get sober, (magic words!!!) i am going to quit blogging
andy and olly are like the gemini twins. they are in all loren bouchard stuff. andy and olly, sifl and olly (idk?), walt and perry
yeah i um...went on adult swim last time CRINGE! thats a weird one...
aww ming ming is being nice even doing the cat massage marble would do. i miss marble. she lives here, but now she never sleeps by head. ming does everything marble used too. he took over. i think that is why marble doesnt. she doesnt sleep by my head or even in my room :( she is being polite i guess
i cant wait till i feel happy and content with my life. no, i dont need a big house, or a family. i would like 'a best friend' (just heard that on tv) but someone that you know...im with! and i will have a kid. i know!! and a career. a job, but im figuring...lets make it happen! im going to write more....i guess...
i do have a crazy imagination dont i?
ugh who am i talking too??
*stinkface* ((HAHA!! weird))
Saturday, April 26, 2014
the essentials!
bam! pow! summertimes about to be here! let us review style and what essentials you must need in order to look, (and feel) just breezy!
we all develop our own personal style, our own personal flair. I have stated previously what my bit o' style is...(let me refresh ya, I me too, because, i need some refreshing in that aspect!)
comfort, casual sweats, loose and baggy, hip hop, workout style, biker style, cowboy/western/native american, white trash, trailer park, young carefree woman, older, casual woman, news reporter woman, bohemian, hippy, (not too much tho, a touch), crazy, funky, FUN!!! if i forget anything i will go back and add to the list. oh, yes, the tomboy look too! fairy, whimsical (although i hate that word! reminds me of an older lady who gets older country style whim and whimsy!) like cute frogs. i like medieval looks, maybe steampunk but nah not too much. im not into goth or steampunk alot...i like hats too!
another thing, i gained weight. yeah i did. last year i was kickin! i was tight, aight!?? *lol* i had whittled that waist down, i felt hot i was SMOKIN!! well, unfortunately, due to laziness and lack of eating healthily, i gained the flab back. my belly, is a muffin top, once again. i need to get back in shape!!!
so i will stress out how definetivly it will make yourself feel better once you are a bit more toned. i mean, still, rock your curves! but you will feel much more polished when you are sleek physique. but aint nothin wrong with some extra somethin here and there. confidence is more important then getting too stressed out about your weight. personally, i prefer to feel and look more slimmed down. while i still like comfort, i want to rock a cute club-girl look (what if i want to go out dancing or something!?? right?)
now, lets talk about the looks and styles!!
i never focus on winter. for me, during the winter, i am 'soup girl'. i look like a girl who sips on stew. i look unkempt, i feel unkempt. i haven't got down wintertime me yet.
Now, when you want to do your style, think ...COORDINATES!!
PATTERNS! i love patterns! i love florals, (i love delicate roses).
SHEERS! (there are always sheers)
back to the 90s look, (bright ray bans, neons, sunflowers, cut offs, aka HIPSTER..if you don't mind risking looking like a hipster, well, so what!? i saw a cute top where two daisys were in place of the boobs! cute with overalls!
VESTS!!!
LEGGINGS
little cute acid washed cut off ripped and shredded denim shorts, (which i love, but i got to hit the spin bike a lil bit more. these are hot with younger, thin girls, but hey us oldies can enjoy that look too WHY NOT!??!)
FRINGE
ok...now, leggings. and floral prints. I like florals, (aztecs are popular too but kind of hipster for me. i do like native american stuff tho). if you are going to wear a floral print shirt, get an oversize, long flowy shirt, and layer it over a pair of basic black leggings, with little moccasins, cowboy boots, strappy sandals, whatever works, but keep the empasis on your print. if you are going to wear floral or any kind of printed legging, keep your shirt simple. a simple long loose black vest can work too.
my opinion of vests, long, loose and layered. i do not particularly like crochet style vests, i do like snazzy vests tho, like for instance, i got a snazzy white vest which made me look like tada!
for all the tighter stuff, you need form fitting undergarments. this is essential! bodysuits, under shirts (tight fitting) for all the sheers i mentioned, bralettes, and bandeaus (to wear under t-straps or muscle shirts (which i like!) muscle shirts fall under the tomboy category, as well as boyfriend cut jeans. i like mens pants, the way they sit on myself. i don't like tapered i just want to look loose and cool. lol!
so keep one pattern, one basic.
MORE ESSENTIALS!
sunglasses! invest in a pair or two of designer brand. this will bring your look together! trust me!
designer heels (on those going out nights. your tootsies will thank you!)
i admit i have NOT got the sexy club girl look down however!???!
jewelry! necklaces, bracelets, and rings. i like turqoise and silver, gemstones, moonstone, friendship bracelets, leather, cool kinds, upper finger rings...jewelry will always bring your look together, even if only you are wearing basic shorts and a basic shirt.
hats! a nice hat will complete your look too. i like bowler hats, porkpies, IDK HA!!!!!!!, baseball caps! (cute and sexy), id even rock a top hat (sort of steampunk huh?)
jokey funny stuff! i like silly shirts. in fact, i saw a heinz ketchup shirt at wet seal i need to order!!!! shirts you get at spencers or hot topics! oh i also want that alice in wonderland tea party shirt!
NEON!!! but walmart neon!! cuz its so chippy and cheapy!!
velvet! velveteen! blazers! denim jackets! overalls. dickies. military style. army greens.
boots. i am getting a pair of NICE cowboy boots and jump school military boots! walmart has a fatigues muscle shirt too!
TATTOOS! tattoos will make any outfit pop!!!! i love em! i need more!
crazy hair!??! or keep your hair blah and plain. feathers (even tho that is 2010) id still wear feathers.
i wonder if i am missing something?
- pair of boyfriend jeans
- one leather jacket
- leggings
- patterns
- vests
- boots
- sunglasses
- jewelry
- tattoos
- nice hair
- hats
- shapewear
- cover ups (hoodies, blazers, denim jackets, flannels)
i still need to get some essentials. i guess.....right? :?
oh not to mention, band shirts...led zeppelin, metallica (ripped off sleeves even betta!)
80s style denim vests
i also want 80s style oversized womens glasses
also pearls!! yes pearls! pearl necklace! what!?? to wear with sweats or black and grunge! wait, grunge!??! your kidding me? nah i aint...i wish i WAS! but i aint...
i almost forgot to add...
perfume and makeup!!!
essential makeups!
-primer, concealer, foundation, powder.....talcum powder (to capture eyeshadow residue)
-blush
- GOOD MAKEUP BRUSHES!!! a slanted eyebrow brush and good blush brushes!
- a wide array of powders and colors to acheive all kinds of looks
- loose powder for those bright vibrant colors! fuschias and neons (have fun too!)
- highlighting powder (for brows and inner corners of eyes)
- a variety of eyeliners, gel (for cat eye), liquid, (for cat eye), pencil, for the kohl effect
LIPSTICK!!! old toothbrush (to soften lips before), vaseline, lipliner all over the lip. lip brush to deposit lip color. blotter (powder to seal it), lipgloss, (to finish)
make sure nails are also done nice too!
try fake lashes too! i need to do this more
PERFUMES! you need a signature scent and also mood scents. make sure that you ALWAYS smell sweet and lovely!
start in the shower. body wash! next, make sure to put on scented lotion. then body spritz or perfumes. spritz each time you go to the bathroom!
and get a good electronic toothbrush and carry around mouthwash. when you feel gross, it shows. but hey i am SO gross!
i forgot, UNDERWEAR!!!
sexy matching bra and panties! victorias secret, because us women are so.....you know....brainwashed into thinking we need pushup bras!!!
cleavage! that is what makes you stand out! (i never have cleavage tho!) i prefer having a nice.....personality.
we all develop our own personal style, our own personal flair. I have stated previously what my bit o' style is...(let me refresh ya, I me too, because, i need some refreshing in that aspect!)
comfort, casual sweats, loose and baggy, hip hop, workout style, biker style, cowboy/western/native american, white trash, trailer park, young carefree woman, older, casual woman, news reporter woman, bohemian, hippy, (not too much tho, a touch), crazy, funky, FUN!!! if i forget anything i will go back and add to the list. oh, yes, the tomboy look too! fairy, whimsical (although i hate that word! reminds me of an older lady who gets older country style whim and whimsy!) like cute frogs. i like medieval looks, maybe steampunk but nah not too much. im not into goth or steampunk alot...i like hats too!
another thing, i gained weight. yeah i did. last year i was kickin! i was tight, aight!?? *lol* i had whittled that waist down, i felt hot i was SMOKIN!! well, unfortunately, due to laziness and lack of eating healthily, i gained the flab back. my belly, is a muffin top, once again. i need to get back in shape!!!
so i will stress out how definetivly it will make yourself feel better once you are a bit more toned. i mean, still, rock your curves! but you will feel much more polished when you are sleek physique. but aint nothin wrong with some extra somethin here and there. confidence is more important then getting too stressed out about your weight. personally, i prefer to feel and look more slimmed down. while i still like comfort, i want to rock a cute club-girl look (what if i want to go out dancing or something!?? right?)
now, lets talk about the looks and styles!!
i never focus on winter. for me, during the winter, i am 'soup girl'. i look like a girl who sips on stew. i look unkempt, i feel unkempt. i haven't got down wintertime me yet.
Now, when you want to do your style, think ...COORDINATES!!
PATTERNS! i love patterns! i love florals, (i love delicate roses).
SHEERS! (there are always sheers)
back to the 90s look, (bright ray bans, neons, sunflowers, cut offs, aka HIPSTER..if you don't mind risking looking like a hipster, well, so what!? i saw a cute top where two daisys were in place of the boobs! cute with overalls!
VESTS!!!
LEGGINGS
little cute acid washed cut off ripped and shredded denim shorts, (which i love, but i got to hit the spin bike a lil bit more. these are hot with younger, thin girls, but hey us oldies can enjoy that look too WHY NOT!??!)
FRINGE
ok...now, leggings. and floral prints. I like florals, (aztecs are popular too but kind of hipster for me. i do like native american stuff tho). if you are going to wear a floral print shirt, get an oversize, long flowy shirt, and layer it over a pair of basic black leggings, with little moccasins, cowboy boots, strappy sandals, whatever works, but keep the empasis on your print. if you are going to wear floral or any kind of printed legging, keep your shirt simple. a simple long loose black vest can work too.
my opinion of vests, long, loose and layered. i do not particularly like crochet style vests, i do like snazzy vests tho, like for instance, i got a snazzy white vest which made me look like tada!
for all the tighter stuff, you need form fitting undergarments. this is essential! bodysuits, under shirts (tight fitting) for all the sheers i mentioned, bralettes, and bandeaus (to wear under t-straps or muscle shirts (which i like!) muscle shirts fall under the tomboy category, as well as boyfriend cut jeans. i like mens pants, the way they sit on myself. i don't like tapered i just want to look loose and cool. lol!
so keep one pattern, one basic.
MORE ESSENTIALS!
sunglasses! invest in a pair or two of designer brand. this will bring your look together! trust me!
designer heels (on those going out nights. your tootsies will thank you!)
i admit i have NOT got the sexy club girl look down however!???!
jewelry! necklaces, bracelets, and rings. i like turqoise and silver, gemstones, moonstone, friendship bracelets, leather, cool kinds, upper finger rings...jewelry will always bring your look together, even if only you are wearing basic shorts and a basic shirt.
hats! a nice hat will complete your look too. i like bowler hats, porkpies, IDK HA!!!!!!!, baseball caps! (cute and sexy), id even rock a top hat (sort of steampunk huh?)
jokey funny stuff! i like silly shirts. in fact, i saw a heinz ketchup shirt at wet seal i need to order!!!! shirts you get at spencers or hot topics! oh i also want that alice in wonderland tea party shirt!
NEON!!! but walmart neon!! cuz its so chippy and cheapy!!
velvet! velveteen! blazers! denim jackets! overalls. dickies. military style. army greens.
boots. i am getting a pair of NICE cowboy boots and jump school military boots! walmart has a fatigues muscle shirt too!
TATTOOS! tattoos will make any outfit pop!!!! i love em! i need more!
crazy hair!??! or keep your hair blah and plain. feathers (even tho that is 2010) id still wear feathers.
i wonder if i am missing something?
- pair of boyfriend jeans
- one leather jacket
- leggings
- patterns
- vests
- boots
- sunglasses
- jewelry
- tattoos
- nice hair
- hats
- shapewear
- cover ups (hoodies, blazers, denim jackets, flannels)
i still need to get some essentials. i guess.....right? :?
oh not to mention, band shirts...led zeppelin, metallica (ripped off sleeves even betta!)
80s style denim vests
i also want 80s style oversized womens glasses
also pearls!! yes pearls! pearl necklace! what!?? to wear with sweats or black and grunge! wait, grunge!??! your kidding me? nah i aint...i wish i WAS! but i aint...
i almost forgot to add...
perfume and makeup!!!
essential makeups!
-primer, concealer, foundation, powder.....talcum powder (to capture eyeshadow residue)
-blush
- GOOD MAKEUP BRUSHES!!! a slanted eyebrow brush and good blush brushes!
- a wide array of powders and colors to acheive all kinds of looks
- loose powder for those bright vibrant colors! fuschias and neons (have fun too!)
- highlighting powder (for brows and inner corners of eyes)
- a variety of eyeliners, gel (for cat eye), liquid, (for cat eye), pencil, for the kohl effect
LIPSTICK!!! old toothbrush (to soften lips before), vaseline, lipliner all over the lip. lip brush to deposit lip color. blotter (powder to seal it), lipgloss, (to finish)
make sure nails are also done nice too!
try fake lashes too! i need to do this more
PERFUMES! you need a signature scent and also mood scents. make sure that you ALWAYS smell sweet and lovely!
start in the shower. body wash! next, make sure to put on scented lotion. then body spritz or perfumes. spritz each time you go to the bathroom!
and get a good electronic toothbrush and carry around mouthwash. when you feel gross, it shows. but hey i am SO gross!
i forgot, UNDERWEAR!!!
sexy matching bra and panties! victorias secret, because us women are so.....you know....brainwashed into thinking we need pushup bras!!!
cleavage! that is what makes you stand out! (i never have cleavage tho!) i prefer having a nice.....personality.
selfies and misunderstanding
ok i am going to write what is on my mind, why not? I always do, huh? thats what so great (or awful) about me...tsk and sigh
last night moss mentioned flavor flav free appearance at visions nightclub. i asked mike if he wanted to go because he likes flav and i was bored too so mike drove us up there. drinks were cheap too 2.00 draft beer 3.00 well drinks..1.00 jello shots etc i didnt drink much but i drank enough to have a silly buzz i guess? i was able to take a pic with mike and flav which mike got all happy about and sent to all his friends. my phone died after that but i didnt need a pic because i had one with flav before...
so last night i wore make up. for some reason when i drink, i go home and a.) drink more and post drunk of adult swim b.) watch and listen to youtube videos....c.) take selfies as of late...
i took a selfie and instagram'ed it and put it on facebook. so the heck what!??!? i never selfie full body shots of me in a bikini (k once i did last year when i had defined abs) still...so what if i wanted to anyways?? right? i never selfie cleavage pics and i am so sick of women being afraid to take beautiful pics of themselves. if it makes you feel beautiful then so what!? dont feel shamed because you want to take a pic of yourself, like for instance, you are wearing makeup. (no i dont let it drop) have fun!
last night i posted a pic of me and this morning i woke up i was like, 'oh great!' but i just shrugged it off. i regretted posting a selfie and a link to 'im so fancy' song but at the time it seemed fun!??
i even thought, i hope this doesnt annoy anyone, ahem...lisa
well later i had seen lisa posted something about 'selfies' and instagram and i personally felt hurt about that because come on, face it, she hates when i post facies i mean selfies, because she has told me this before! she says i posts too many and because i relish in the weirdos giving me compliments and that i need attention so much i am attention seeking 'look at me look at me' she said this when she was drunk but i think it is because of other issues (which i will not share because i do love her she is my sister) but i dont post to get attention i do because, well so what idk!??!
so i felt hurt i guess and rather than laughing and agreeing with her (which i should of did..in...retro...spect) and comment like yeah, some girls with their bikini shots and duckface ha! silly insecure girls. i never post pics like that! yes i have done modeling but why not? be proud of yourself. it does feel nice to feel beautiful, everyone wants to. make others feel beautiful! i mean, its not fair to me to be called hurtful names. i posted a pic of me sticking my tongue out on that comment, but only because i wanted a pic of me sticking my tongue out to pop up after she posted that (because i know fully well that selfie pic i posted last night just riled her bones like mama junes in that one meme).....but then i felt bad and i said sorry i will take it down to which she replied 'ew...' (well she basically replied filthy disgusting things to me) i will not tolerate that anymore! i will NOT be disrespected anymore! i will NOT be called awful names anymore! by ANYONE! i did not deserve that!
i am a good person! i have a good heart! but i am also sensitive too. i mean, i also get hurt! yet i am a bad person to her. i am in so much need of attention, i get DUIs i am a dumb dumb embarrasment, yet sage respects me so she would be heartbroken if she hears the way she speaks about me how fair is that to her? let her think shit of me but i NEVER call her names or put her down.
i guess its not fair to be BLOGGING about it! i mean, i just do....i need to stop but i also need to stop drinking too! but so should she....
but yeah have fun and selfie it up bunch of self obsessed idiots!
oh now i have someone upset with me about a comment i made which has been forgotten!
SELFIES SELFIES SELFIES!!! INSTAGRAM WAH WAH ALL ABOUT ME WAH ME WANTS ATTENTION MIND OF A TEENAGER STILL NEVER WAHNTS TO GROW UP WAHH WHAHH IM AN UGLY DISGUSTING PERSON I AM A ROTTEN MONSTER
last night moss mentioned flavor flav free appearance at visions nightclub. i asked mike if he wanted to go because he likes flav and i was bored too so mike drove us up there. drinks were cheap too 2.00 draft beer 3.00 well drinks..1.00 jello shots etc i didnt drink much but i drank enough to have a silly buzz i guess? i was able to take a pic with mike and flav which mike got all happy about and sent to all his friends. my phone died after that but i didnt need a pic because i had one with flav before...
so last night i wore make up. for some reason when i drink, i go home and a.) drink more and post drunk of adult swim b.) watch and listen to youtube videos....c.) take selfies as of late...
i took a selfie and instagram'ed it and put it on facebook. so the heck what!??!? i never selfie full body shots of me in a bikini (k once i did last year when i had defined abs) still...so what if i wanted to anyways?? right? i never selfie cleavage pics and i am so sick of women being afraid to take beautiful pics of themselves. if it makes you feel beautiful then so what!? dont feel shamed because you want to take a pic of yourself, like for instance, you are wearing makeup. (no i dont let it drop) have fun!
last night i posted a pic of me and this morning i woke up i was like, 'oh great!' but i just shrugged it off. i regretted posting a selfie and a link to 'im so fancy' song but at the time it seemed fun!??
i even thought, i hope this doesnt annoy anyone, ahem...lisa
well later i had seen lisa posted something about 'selfies' and instagram and i personally felt hurt about that because come on, face it, she hates when i post facies i mean selfies, because she has told me this before! she says i posts too many and because i relish in the weirdos giving me compliments and that i need attention so much i am attention seeking 'look at me look at me' she said this when she was drunk but i think it is because of other issues (which i will not share because i do love her she is my sister) but i dont post to get attention i do because, well so what idk!??!
so i felt hurt i guess and rather than laughing and agreeing with her (which i should of did..in...retro...spect) and comment like yeah, some girls with their bikini shots and duckface ha! silly insecure girls. i never post pics like that! yes i have done modeling but why not? be proud of yourself. it does feel nice to feel beautiful, everyone wants to. make others feel beautiful! i mean, its not fair to me to be called hurtful names. i posted a pic of me sticking my tongue out on that comment, but only because i wanted a pic of me sticking my tongue out to pop up after she posted that (because i know fully well that selfie pic i posted last night just riled her bones like mama junes in that one meme).....but then i felt bad and i said sorry i will take it down to which she replied 'ew...' (well she basically replied filthy disgusting things to me) i will not tolerate that anymore! i will NOT be disrespected anymore! i will NOT be called awful names anymore! by ANYONE! i did not deserve that!
i am a good person! i have a good heart! but i am also sensitive too. i mean, i also get hurt! yet i am a bad person to her. i am in so much need of attention, i get DUIs i am a dumb dumb embarrasment, yet sage respects me so she would be heartbroken if she hears the way she speaks about me how fair is that to her? let her think shit of me but i NEVER call her names or put her down.
i guess its not fair to be BLOGGING about it! i mean, i just do....i need to stop but i also need to stop drinking too! but so should she....
but yeah have fun and selfie it up bunch of self obsessed idiots!
oh now i have someone upset with me about a comment i made which has been forgotten!
SELFIES SELFIES SELFIES!!! INSTAGRAM WAH WAH ALL ABOUT ME WAH ME WANTS ATTENTION MIND OF A TEENAGER STILL NEVER WAHNTS TO GROW UP WAHH WHAHH IM AN UGLY DISGUSTING PERSON I AM A ROTTEN MONSTER
friday night
i feel really depressed. not only does my life suck, the weather just doesnt seem to lighten up. i have made many mistakes in my life. i often do feel paranoid and disgusted with myself. am i proud of who i am? absolutely not! i dont want to blog post about my life anymore, in fact, i dont know why i ever did in the first place, you know? kind of funny huh? why am i sharing such intimate thoughts of my life! i should be scared too! ashamed too! i should behave like a little scaredy cat, right?? cautious cat wins the race!
well, instead of saying why i feel upset, i better just go to bed. i think tomorrow is going to be a nice day.
Lord give me strength!
well, instead of saying why i feel upset, i better just go to bed. i think tomorrow is going to be a nice day.
Lord give me strength!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
poison cigarette
ok so....other day listened to podcast talking much about cake mention poison cake later i kept hearing cake on a family guy episode i think i got triggered to act like a nuthead...cuz i am.
also, got my paperwork my summons....1st offense PA so...........:/ hopefully the lawyer can help me perhaps i may be able to do the ARD program??? however my bac was pretty high....im so nervous.
i just want to get a job and work...save up my money..get my own place. thats all i wanted now i have to worry about fines and all this shit. i dont know....i feel like crap.
i can never win huh? what am i supposed to do? give up!?? i guess i have to do what i got to do right? shrug. i will get over it...i mean, its gonna delay a lot tho...which makes me feel depressed. i need a job, that is for sure. i just am not meaning to wake up TOO early!
i dont mind customer service or cashier job. i am just worried about applying now that i am amidst this mess. why!?? WHY!??
so....i started fifth season breaking bad. there is an episode where jesse was SET UP, but by whom? (wont spoil it) elaborate mind control plans for a specific moment, he was missing his POISON cigarette, so the cigarette was a set up (set up like in my life too POISON)....they kept saying poison! it made me think of when the one actor who plays gayle in the show, i saw him at the party so i heard them mention his character being killed off, so i had told him, i haven't gotten to that part yet, to which he replied, 'the question is, when do we get to YOUR part?" at the time i didn't really think anything of it, i was just like, 'ok...??' well, now in retrospect, he was referring to the poison in the cigarette, where jesse was SET UP!!! after i had that revolution, (he held up a bag with a cigarette in it), causing me to think set up....and then i realized the breaking bad party was at a masonic lodge! of course! next scene was when walt smashed the door to get into the lawyers office, and the overhead camera revealed the checkerboard MASONIC floor.
so i am like, WOW how do they do this!?? you know? other synchronicites occur as well not to mention songs communicating with me. its hard to explain, well, not really...i will just leave it at that.
well, i also think the universe is telling me i'm awesome. but it involves meticulous planning, just like the episode to play mind games with jesse so that they can use him...he even said, 'the brain comes up with these thoughts' or something like that???
im tired!!! im gonna go get some food.
also, got my paperwork my summons....1st offense PA so...........:/ hopefully the lawyer can help me perhaps i may be able to do the ARD program??? however my bac was pretty high....im so nervous.
i just want to get a job and work...save up my money..get my own place. thats all i wanted now i have to worry about fines and all this shit. i dont know....i feel like crap.
i can never win huh? what am i supposed to do? give up!?? i guess i have to do what i got to do right? shrug. i will get over it...i mean, its gonna delay a lot tho...which makes me feel depressed. i need a job, that is for sure. i just am not meaning to wake up TOO early!
i dont mind customer service or cashier job. i am just worried about applying now that i am amidst this mess. why!?? WHY!??
so....i started fifth season breaking bad. there is an episode where jesse was SET UP, but by whom? (wont spoil it) elaborate mind control plans for a specific moment, he was missing his POISON cigarette, so the cigarette was a set up (set up like in my life too POISON)....they kept saying poison! it made me think of when the one actor who plays gayle in the show, i saw him at the party so i heard them mention his character being killed off, so i had told him, i haven't gotten to that part yet, to which he replied, 'the question is, when do we get to YOUR part?" at the time i didn't really think anything of it, i was just like, 'ok...??' well, now in retrospect, he was referring to the poison in the cigarette, where jesse was SET UP!!! after i had that revolution, (he held up a bag with a cigarette in it), causing me to think set up....and then i realized the breaking bad party was at a masonic lodge! of course! next scene was when walt smashed the door to get into the lawyers office, and the overhead camera revealed the checkerboard MASONIC floor.
so i am like, WOW how do they do this!?? you know? other synchronicites occur as well not to mention songs communicating with me. its hard to explain, well, not really...i will just leave it at that.
well, i also think the universe is telling me i'm awesome. but it involves meticulous planning, just like the episode to play mind games with jesse so that they can use him...he even said, 'the brain comes up with these thoughts' or something like that???
im tired!!! im gonna go get some food.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Hey! uh..........i wanted to write a few things...but now i feel too silly to write about what i wanted too...just some lame stupid dumb setups made to make me look like a wack job, so uh, forget that! i aint playin into it nah not this time!
what else tho
i dont know!???! i forget!!?? i was gonna write some bloggy stuff but now i dont feel like it!
what else tho
i dont know!???! i forget!!?? i was gonna write some bloggy stuff but now i dont feel like it!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
remember when drew barrymore was sexy?
remember when drew barrymore used to be sexy? what happened to her sex appeal? it just...faded out huh?? (i saw a pic of her on fb so i thought tthat i was going to paste on fb but decided not too)
 |
| sexy |
 |
| sexy |
 |
| not sexy |
 |
| cute |
 |
| in between |
 |
| sultry |
 |
| not sexy |
 |
| not sexy |
 |
| not sexy !???! |
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Conan O'brien bohemian grove
Upon entering the firy (firey?) stage after that popcorn lifted, conan o brien makes a sort of joke, "welcome to the satanic cult"...(even tho the movie awards are more tame that satanic music awards, but movies are dripping in spells...)
hail satan, he says (jack black also said this during a prior movie awards...
conan o brien apparently performed at the bohemian grove.
i was googling and i found this:
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message2306974/pg1
(if you read the comments, someone says, 'maybe he has a child to sacrifice to molech)
this was his topic:
Success, Failure in Surviving the Media Revolution
(guess i cant find a transcript of it)
bohemian grove: what happens there???
dress up as women/fake (?) child effigy sacrifice...frat hazing mentality (so who knows what kind of satanic buffoonery takes place??)
anyways....
now, here are some pics
(link to video clip conan with the masonic gesture hidden hand)
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1214716/pg1
("oh....conan..." :/) *thought of that in a pitiful womans voice...like a tone of disappoint
http://vigilantcitizen.com/vigilantreport/the-hidden-hand-that-changed-history/
another link
http://www.whale.to/b/hand_sign.html
"im gonna go to hell when i die"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uFefSjEqKM
hail satan, he says (jack black also said this during a prior movie awards...
conan o brien apparently performed at the bohemian grove.
i was googling and i found this:
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message2306974/pg1
(if you read the comments, someone says, 'maybe he has a child to sacrifice to molech)
this was his topic:
Success, Failure in Surviving the Media Revolution
(guess i cant find a transcript of it)
bohemian grove: what happens there???
dress up as women/fake (?) child effigy sacrifice...frat hazing mentality (so who knows what kind of satanic buffoonery takes place??)
anyways....
now, here are some pics
(link to video clip conan with the masonic gesture hidden hand)
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1214716/pg1
("oh....conan..." :/) *thought of that in a pitiful womans voice...like a tone of disappoint
http://vigilantcitizen.com/vigilantreport/the-hidden-hand-that-changed-history/
another link
http://www.whale.to/b/hand_sign.html
"im gonna go to hell when i die"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uFefSjEqKM
 | ||
| um....yeah...??? (the molech comment) :/ ((or maybe a baby alter...)) |
 | |
| he doesnt think he can? |
EDIT
ok i just noticed this...it looks like he is a puppet (while he is playing his guitar) with the strings..also not trying to be mean...i just...yawn me is tired
shag your lori
so...i was watching the mtv movie awards the other night..(here is a bad review of conans appearance)
well, i saw this commercial, and he goes, 'i want to shag your lori' HAHA! SHAG ME!!?? LORI!"
he wants to SHAG ME! YEAH BABY!!! :P
lol!!! anyways...so i was searching for this commercial (its so hard to find) and i found a very, sweet, niceties urban dictionary link to LORI!!!
heres a link to the commercial. listen to it! you will hear he says just that!
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/1030729/the-stars-of-the-amazing-spider-man-2-struggle-to-release-a-sneak-peek.jhtml#id=1724958to which, andrew garfield says, 'you want to shag your truck' see, lori i guess means truck in british slang...
but its SUBLIMINAL!!
so than....after i searched, i found the lovely link to the urban dictionary!
(spelled lorry)
well, i saw this commercial, and he goes, 'i want to shag your lori' HAHA! SHAG ME!!?? LORI!"
he wants to SHAG ME! YEAH BABY!!! :P
lol!!! anyways...so i was searching for this commercial (its so hard to find) and i found a very, sweet, niceties urban dictionary link to LORI!!!
heres a link to the commercial. listen to it! you will hear he says just that!
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/1030729/the-stars-of-the-amazing-spider-man-2-struggle-to-release-a-sneak-peek.jhtml#id=1724958to which, andrew garfield says, 'you want to shag your truck' see, lori i guess means truck in british slang...
but its SUBLIMINAL!!
so than....after i searched, i found the lovely link to the urban dictionary!
(spelled lorry)
- lorry
- a large goods-carrying motor vehicle (US and UK also: truck)
- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Lori
-
The Most wonderful person in the World. Kind, Sweet, Loving, Caring, Gentle. Perfect in Every ways. The one you love for all your life.You are my Lori, My AngelCrazy hot girl. Beautiful, smart and funny; Lori posesses atributes absent in 99.9% of women. Truly a lucky find. Plus she rocks.Yooooooooo Lori is so hot,... damn.Loyal, caring, creative. Always the best listener she will always give you sound advice, but has often been guilty of not taking her own good advice. Not quick to trust or open up to new people, but once she let's you into her heart, you will always have a place there provided you don't screw it up. Loves to laugh even though stress rules her life. She loves to love and be loved in return. She always tries to be nice, but you will find yourself out of her good graces if you just assume her name is spelled "Laurie" or some other variation.Lori is nice until you piss her off.hell yeah! lets make this happen! ha!!!:/ idk..shrug...(hey that brought me some joy that night ok? otherwise my life is a miserable going no where mess...)
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
sigh
sigh....its a rainy dreary day. it gets warm out, but its always cloudy. its never just a nice, clear sunny day. last night was the blood moon, but i did not get to see it. saturday i was invited to a pig roast, which would of been nice to of went, but i did not go. well, it was far and i had no one to drive me, (i would not drive my car that has a nail in the tire) that far, to go to a pig roast that would be over at 5 anyways....there will be more tho, at riverside, where i can just walk too! i need a job too. sucks sitting around not doing anything. oh, no, i didnt go to that job i was supposed too. waking up at 5 every morning is too hard for me. i hate waking up that early! i dont mind waking up at 7, but after the last job, i just dont want to work that early. i would be so tired after work i would always take naps. i mean, when i have my own place its fine, because i would come home, take a quick nap, make a healthy dinner, then go to the gym. its tough to do anything while i am at my parents, which is why i want to move out so bad. see, i dont do much on the weekends. in fact, i don't mind staying in on a friday night. i do not need to drive all the way to bethlehehm to go out! geez....i feel so stuck. i have no clue anymore!?? im stuck! and i want to start eating healthy. well, i need to go grocery shopping. i need to make a list of what to buy. and i can start walking every day (except for that dog that runs out of nowhere on river road!!) i was saying, i need a job, but hours i can handle, not early in the morning! and i do want to do more photoshoots, but i need to lose weight! i enjoy working out, i really do! but i am not motivated at all!! i need a JOB!!!! but then, when is my damn court date!?? i still haven't received the papers for my court date!???! I should of waited to pay the lawyer...perhaps i would feel more secure with more money in my bank account. what else? i do want to get more tattoos, and do something with my hair. i need to keep updating my tattoo wish list!
i want to cut more inches off my hair and get a perm or something, for volume. i wish i could use good shampoo and conditioner but the shower here SUCKS! i have to take a really quick shower. if i wash my hair it has to be a 2-in-1 otherwise it gets cold and i end up not washing out the residue which makes it greasy, or dandruff, or staticky, because i am not using good conditioner. i cant even shave really because the water stream is very weak and doesn't rinse anything away. ughh!! i just want my own damn place!!!!! FACK!!!
what did i do...
- take care of taxes
- filled out medical paperwork and submitted it (also for housing assistance...)
what i need to do
- get my tire fixed (nail in the tire)
- go grocery shopping
- start walking
TATTOOS:
(holiday tattoos)
shamrock, candy corn, valentines day hearts
small pizza slice rectangle, sushi roll, swedish fish, retro gumball machine
pinup girl/anime girl/my own drawing girl (??) left arm
ivy, bumbleebee, ladybugs, dragonfly (collarbone)
japanese cherry blossom (back)
so...yeah...........:/
i want to cut more inches off my hair and get a perm or something, for volume. i wish i could use good shampoo and conditioner but the shower here SUCKS! i have to take a really quick shower. if i wash my hair it has to be a 2-in-1 otherwise it gets cold and i end up not washing out the residue which makes it greasy, or dandruff, or staticky, because i am not using good conditioner. i cant even shave really because the water stream is very weak and doesn't rinse anything away. ughh!! i just want my own damn place!!!!! FACK!!!
what did i do...
- take care of taxes
- filled out medical paperwork and submitted it (also for housing assistance...)
what i need to do
- get my tire fixed (nail in the tire)
- go grocery shopping
- start walking
TATTOOS:
(holiday tattoos)
shamrock, candy corn, valentines day hearts
small pizza slice rectangle, sushi roll, swedish fish, retro gumball machine
pinup girl/anime girl/my own drawing girl (??) left arm
ivy, bumbleebee, ladybugs, dragonfly (collarbone)
japanese cherry blossom (back)
so...yeah...........:/
pics
finally...the photographer that i have worked with before sent me some pics geez its like, i kept having to bug him to send them!! so annoying!!! at least now i have a GOOD camera, so i can get a friend to take some fun pics!!! drive thru window! (wish i had a convertible, maybe i can rent one!?? or get someone to rent one) and go to a mcdonalds drive thru at night with all the neon colors showing up glowing (at night) , also have more ideas, like the fish aquarium one and this asian themed one as well (i have a big version of those little umbrellas they put in cocktails...i want one of those kimono type dresses...i definately want to do more FUN photoshoots this summer tho!!!
.JPG)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)