Our pastor is leaving. Sunday was their last day. I am not an avid church-goer. I go when I have nursery, but end up sitting in service because there are no babies or toddlers to watch. Hearing all the testimonies Sunday was heartfelt and bittersweet. He affected many, from the new girl, (the daughter and the pastors wife mostly), to one of the elders who enjoys listening to the church band practice, my dad is in the band. bass guitar. we had food afterwards. now i wonder who the new pastor will be. who is going to marry mike and i? kidding...mike.

so here is the deal:

I bring up marriage with mike...but...do I really want to spend my life with him? Someone who has chronic snoring and falls asleep 80% of the time? I mean, someone who gets extremely crabby, and someone who doesn't make me feel alive?

People tell me I am not young anymore, so what is that supposed to mean? That I am not allowed to experience the many pleasures of life? I'm not saying, go around like I am 20, and partying and dating. I am talking about learning, travelling, growing. I don't even like to drink anymore, I feel sick after so many

mike wants me to move back in with him we work and save money then set a wedding date um no! if moss buys a house in florida, i can move in with him, work save money and travel the world. and my dad can't tell me what to do. it is my life, not his. i want to do rosetta stone. i never get to do things for myself ever.

asmr

i get asmr from reading extremely detailed photoshoot opportunities..well, maybe not extremely, but when i get an offer on my modelmayhem about if i am interested in doing a shoot. it will provide details and pay rate etc.

for instance:

Hello glad to meet your acquaintance,

I like your look and I feel you will be a great match for a project I have in mind. This project entails mythological creatures and fantasy role play, outfits will be provided. The shoot will go as followed, I have a fairy costume that I would like you to wear. We can do this first portion in the morning. The second portion will be a mermaid outfit. I have these lovely, custom made mermaid tails that look absolutely gorgeous. I have a creek where we can do that shoot.

This is also a payed shoot, so you will be compensated 200.00 an hour plus transportation, as well as water throughout.

Thank you and hope to hear from you soon.

Etheareal Photo Management

((I just made that whole letter up lol. I never had that offer, but sometimes I just get ASMR from reading about job offers. Not like I am getting any..someone did just email me about rates and availability, they want to do business attire, swim/lingerie implied nudes etc. well i really do not have much of a wardrobe to be honest...sports wear etc..

lol.

modeling is funny sometimes. i have a shoot im supposed to do outdoors..wonder what happened with that tho...

fb wont let me copy and paste our convo just now..i can, but im too tired too. sync tho. i was rereading what i wrote. dr. brown. dr browns is also a soda. like in a bottle. moss is telling me how he finally got his sioux city sarsparilla.

i was just talking about dr browns.

also, asia argento is a male to female you can see it.

it doesnt stop!

or dear betsy, make it STOP!!!! he will keep up at it, sending me these...messages. random info and shit. like...I DONT CARE!??

chapman

I tell Moss all the time, Just leave me alone. We are not friends. Oh, why??? why ya wonder? hmm k..see, i wake up to find the harriest of harry ...msgs on my msger from him. it takes a few reads to be like, 'dafuk is this?' its always him rambling on and (not actually rambling, always proper grammer)..but its shit i dont care about ...like, 'oh i talked to that girl we met at avns who was dating the guy in jail shes at a psych ward and shes a chain smoker (sad. HIS WORDS but moss thinks everything is sad)...oh so uh,,,so uh...she smokes cigarettes one after the otha? 

the point is, he is ALWAYS giving me the 411 on things, that i never asked about!?? ok heres the deal...right now, my life..i live in the projects i dont know. i work...im gone 9 hours a day, i also just..i dont do much. my life is very boring and simple. 

so he tells me all this stuff, how does he expect me to react? like i care?? i mean, sometimes it can be interesting, i guess.' but most of the time, my mind frame cannot just soak in things he says..its not that i CANT...its that i DONT WANT TOO! CUZ I DONT CARE!!! anyways, he is in a bubble thats all. and he assumes a bunch..

so anyways, i was watching the finale of OINTB...and im like, 'what the heck?" cuz i see it...piper...chapman! shes laying down looking up at her bunk..

oh and not to mention, the poison brown in another episode. you know how in steve brule, they had poison brown? they said poison the kids and it was dr. brown, and he had to change that weird mans shitty diapers, (yeah i guess im shit...thats what)..in one episode it was very tim and eric all the food is poison esque. she had chocolate pudding, and suzanne says, 'POISON" (like how they sing song it in the tim and eric skit)..and pushed it out of her hands the pudding landed on the ground and resembled shit...so it was like it was trying to make me think of tim and eric/steve brule poison brown..

i can tell these things. trust me, if if happens to you, you can just tell. not that im crazy, or schizo...just that, im very bright actually, and observant, and i just notice things. i dont really feel special...i mean, i think its cool...i guess. i dont know...ha

see, my friend jay, he is a chemistry teacher and also a sci-fi writer. he is very smart and kind, and he really likes me and thinks im interesting and smart, (i guess..?), he listens to things i say and he understands and he is able to see what i tell him, such as these incidents where i get hidden messages. ok? i try to tell moss...see, moss THINKS he is smart and all, HAHAHAHA!! LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF...he is not observant at all. hes a little sheep, who can't think for himself. i think he is a touch of aspergers or autistic (sorry i wasnt ...when i wrote that, i thought of that memey mean joke from years ago, when people would say, a touch of downs...but im not making fun...and there is nothing wrong with being autistic or having aspergers at all! in fact, the worlds most smartest people have a touch of aspergers. (i wish i had a touch of aspergers..then id be a smart one..)its fine! i do believe moss may have that touch tho..

but its like, a true friend is gonna be like, 'i like her. she is bright. she has a good head on her shoulders. she doesnt do anything to prove to me she is crazy. she explains the situation in a rational manner..maybe she really IS on to something" and THOSE are the people i RESPECT! 

someone like moss tho...nope! his stubborness and ignorance won't even see color when its splashed on black construction paper, if his alt left hero's tell him its black. COME ON PEOPLE! I'M SMARTER THAN THAT. YOU CAN TELL OL' MOSS TO GIVE UP HIS CHARADE! its an INSULT to my intelligence, but what, am i just SHIT?? i mean, mossy would be more believable if he acted more as a true friend to me, but no, his personality is just that way. so basically, moss thinks im a dummy who thinks the tv is talking to me. so why is he my friend? i can't be friends with someone who..well to be honest, i do NOT have many friends, and even so, i just do not go around telling people this shit. i have a better idea. imma gonna write about it! yeah, it'd make a great story. dont ya agree? maybe make a movie out of it. speaking of which, instead of fartin around, (that was a thing in the finale of orange)...i should start writing about working for anand jon. i went to the pburg mall and we went to h&m. been a while since i been to a clothing store. reminds me of sage, but also, reminds me of being 25, going to h&m with shannan, to look for a white outfit to wear to the white party that was going to take place in the hamptons...of course, i will write it in a more...take you there way, not this harried rushed and wary way...this is my weird, blogging style...


i want to do a meme: Por que? Porque, PORK!

and draw some kind of comic to it...

so in orange is the ...they relayed msgs...HIDDEN msgs, via highlighted words in books.

ok in the picture below, is when chapman was looking up at the top of her bunk..she sees that..also, there is a G...(masonic?) code..

looks like it says Lori was here, could be Cori...but there is NO LORI or NO CORI in the show...next scene was the book with HIDDEN MSGS also the one guy was driving a delorian deLORIan,,(like in back to the future)...de LORI an...(remember too, i was in jail and i believe the writers scoured my jail stuff for ideas on hidden msgs and stuff..maybe asmry whatevers)

also, someone explained a joke..CLASSIFIEDS/GLASS OF ICE to the premise, they said it the way george told his weird OLIVER TWIST joke and OLIVER TWIST is a play on OLIVE OR TWIST (as in lemon twist), in your martini..de LORI an...delorian

**you can watch that video here, the george makes a funny**

sync, when i saw that pic i thought about how it was CHAPMAN i look up and on the tv, someone on this show on pluto, it said CHAPMAN because that was the name...and also, the last scene, piper chapman, well the actress who plays her, TOTALLY LOOKIN LIKE DUDE SKULL


Would ya believe? im 40 right? i still have small, feminine skull. my features did not get all weird and angular, like female celebrities do when they age..my skull shape..my features...didnt really change. i didnt get more defined cheekbone and jawline...nope none of that. i mean, my skin is not as youthful and radiant and thick as it used to be, but...i dont know im tired. i saw shannan and she looks really gaunt and tired. like her face is sunken in.  but yeah, i was trying to envision piper and that laura prepon as men and yeah...male skulls...

just like you can tell a male cat and a female cat based off their skeletal structure and skull shape..

I don't want to work at walmart forever. The Indian Health Services will pay for native americans with recognized tribes to go to nursing school. They will pay for everything, and include a monthly stipend of 1500.00 while going to school, (to cover rent and other expenses). Wow! I already emailed them. In return, students must work on a reservation for a full year afterwards. Hey, I'd do it.

I need a change. I really do. I can't do this forever. Even living here. My place is more cozy since I bought a new rug, a furry, fluffy cream colored rug, instead of the green persian rug full of cat hair. It's very nice and cozy, but I want more.

So, we will see. And, I know Mike and I are drifting apart. I need to seek the world. Even tho I have Marble, and soon I am going to set up my fish tank again.

Well, we will see....

quik check? i thought it was  quik check, but it is  quick chek

mandela effect?

The toad came back! I'm watching this movie on Pluto, called, "The Canyon." A crow just made a noise, and they said, 'they say the crow gives us messages'. ....toads too! Lately I have been getting a lot of toad/frog syncs. It's a good! :)

oh no, loud joe is outside.

Chaka Khan-Ain't Nobody

good song , i need to download it. i didnt even realize i introduced FROGGY to one of my videos. FROG!!! mm hmm

now they say EAT THE FROG

k? season 6 ep 12.

sigh

more syncs i forgot

I had more syncs...so,  the other day, someone had spilled M&M's all over the floor. On the episode of OINTB i watched, someone mentioned M&M's.

i also had another TOAD sync. yesterday, on bleys twitch, he said his old quartet had sang a TOAD the wet sprocket cover.

last night, i had some more.

i decided to sketch a few pictures, of cameron diaz and drew barrymore.

so, when i was watching OINTB, she had drew a sketch of a face, reminded me of the sketches i just did. next scene, the character flaka was doing her radio show. she said, 'like in the movie, 'the sweetest thing'...

that movie stars...CAMERON DIAZ!

today in church, i was thinking about my sketches. pastor says, we need to 'draw the people' (draw the people in to church'..

here is a link to my instagram where it shows my syncs, (or just join my synchronicity group)

oh..so, miki spies is in it. you know, i quit their group tho. its too expensive. shes going to start letting me know my payment didnt go through. well...lower your sub price. i mean, 88.00 a month is really alot just to watch some videos. idk


https://www.instagram.com/p/BmpKt0ug14d/?taken-by=poison_fawn

Lets move on tho, shall we? (From all those posts below)

so, graveyard girl, she uploaded a video acting entitled , starbucks..blah too lazy to explain. bye

"Dan Harmon lets baby grab his crotch"

by sharing this, am i sharing child porn? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I AM NOT THE ONE WHO MADE THIS VIDEO, WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS its NOT FUNNY hes a fucking..ughh. this is disgusting. i am ashamed at the whole schezuan sauce thing...because now i am linked with supporting this? No! This is not acceptable! Who does this?

Pedo-Ventures of Rick & Morty

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? THEY KNOW FULLY WELL THIS SHIT WILL BE OUT THERE ON TRANNY ELSA JEAN ELSAGATE YOUTUBE. CHILDREN ARE BEING SUBJECTED TO THIS DISGUSTING SATANIC IMAGERY? I CRY..SERIOUSLY. I WOULD NEVER, EVER WANT LILA TO COME ACROSS THIS ELSAGATE SHIT. POOR KID ACTUALLY VIEWED THAT HORRIBLY, DISGUSTING NASTY SATANIC VIDEO!?? AND THEY ARE LAUGHING WHILE THEY SIGN MORE CONTRACTS. FUCK YOU ADULT SWIM, RICK AND MORTY. I MEAN, REALLY? I USED TO LIKE ADULT SWIM, HA! WOW wow


are you fucking serious? There was a video of an actual baby, grabbing dan harmons crotch?

you guys are fucking adults. why are you lower than children by doing this? kids see this shit, and HE HAD A BABY. GRAB. HIS. CROTCH. WHY ISNT THIS GETTNG MORE ATTENTION?!?!?!

AHEM  a blind item from crazy days and nights: Blind Item #14
He has not been fully disgraced as of yet, but writers who worked on the set of an animated show of this showrunner said he would frequently show them child porn to give them an idea of scenes he wanted. One specifically talked about an early episode from season one of the show that basically was just a child pornographer's fantasy come to life in television animation. The hopefully soon to never work again showrunner said the episode "turned him on a lot."

synchronicities

I had a bunch of synchronicities, *but I don't trust them..SPOILER ALERTS!! orange is the new black spoiler" IN one..two..three GO ...the show is so entertaining, that you fail to see these flawed characters, not only flawed, but sociopathic, especially the new sisters, barb and carol. I noticed carol, (well, because she has 80s style glasses, that I want)...ok, I dont feel like typing, but I will!

The other night, I was watching some of the Spies girls manifestation videos. the one kept showing animal totems. for instance, ducks would approach them, and there would be a caption of a duck totem, or a cat, cat totem, dog totem.. etc...(i was thinking, well, you guys are approaching THEM, and the cat was actually HIDING...but ok..)

so, the next day, after work, i went outside and saw a big, fat toad. I picked it up, brought it in the house, then let it go (after it PEED on me!??!) ughh. but yeah, so i went back inside, washed my hands, and pressed pause to finish watching the OINTB episode. at that point, nicki says, 'do you see that big, green frog over there? (yeah frog, still related)..i was like AHH!! weird!??! later, in that episode, someone says about MANIFESTING your life! as i was scrolling through fb, i saw a picture of a FROG! then i put on graveyardgirls youtube video, (i was invested in her whole entitled starbucks crap everyone is hating on her for)..she says, 'ever try to lick your own tongue?' when I did that, made me think of toad belly. the next day at work, i saw some super mario figurines. i picked up the toadstool one and thought, 'look at toad' then i was like TOAD!???!

the night before i googled toad totem (toad-em)...to see the meaning of toad. its interesting. i will link that later...(totem kept showing up in the spies girls videos too, remember?)

i had two sort of psychic moments at work today as well, but i dont feel like writing them. this morning, this man goes to my line, and he has a bunch of sugar and flour. he seemed like he wanted me to ask about it, so i did. he tells me his wife makes homemade bread. he told me to google 'l-susteine" he explained to me that it is made up of horse hair, bones, all this gross stuff.

mike just got a tattoo of homers spirit animal, the coyote, from the simpsons. we watched an episode. they kept mentioning, 'spirit animals'. I told mike, 'see, a synchronicity!??!" then, the little girl had tadpoles. however, SPOILER ALERT...we watch these shows, and like the characters, but the two older sisters ...they wanted to kill the little sister. one even drew the girl getting POISONED. i also noticed they had NOXEMA in it. they were really detailed in the noxema, saying, "im a girl of the 90s', so am i, and i use the stuff. last summer, i took a picture with my good camera, my shower. in it, there is the noxema. i believe they added that as a nod to me, somehow, that i would notice, (also with the retro eyeglasses, and the poison)..

the one character, alada, is selling these shakes. in the break room, the guards are saying, you know, they use SUSTEINE in it. "what susteine?" oh , its made up of cartilage and such. HA! WHAT!??! i have never heard of that, until this morning, and what are the odds that i hear it...on the show?

i feel like, someone told that guy to come to my line, and talk to me about it, because they knew i would watch that episode tonight. i have no clue.

i added miki spies to my group, and she loves my synchronicities.

Hollywood Pedos

I made this video. I posted in on my normal yt channel, not sure why? but whatever. i should make another one about adult swim, rick and morty.

The other rick and morty guy

I thought the fat one was gross, the other one is much worse!?? I knew I didn't like Rick and Morty, despite its popular success on adult swim. The creators are truly disgusting. The other guy, whatever his name is, made a 'cute cartoon' and in it, it shows pure satanic ritual abuse. I have heard about 'frazzledrip', I never wanted, or really believed it, due to the politics. Supposedly, Huma and hillary cut a childs face off and wore it. adenochrome. the adrenaline creates this sort of drug, when faced with fear. they will torture a child before killing it, for the adenochrome. Hunter thompson talks about it in fear and loathing in las vegas. this will give them such a high, such a rush. it also keeps them young. look at kelly lebrock from top gun, and tom cruise. tom still has his looks, (in a weird, sort of wax figure, demonic way, while kelly has aged and is heavy and she looks old)...anyways, in this 'cute cartoon' that the other rick and morty guy created, it shows this child rapist skinning two boys faces and wearing them. it also shows another guy , i cant even say..i will provide a link. i shouldnt of watched because i feel it is even evil to watch. even in 'cute cartoon form'...it also showed an adult male defecating in the childs mouth. and people say, 'oh, its the dark humor, the dark humor. not really meant to be funny' it also shows a guy with 3 faces, (due to split personality). just pure filth. pure satanic filth and i really think they are showing what they do.

https://pjmedia.com/parenting/adult-swims-rick-and-morty-co-creator-depicts-children-being-raped-tortured-and-killed/

bella thorne

the boys club, just posin as girls, thats all (and yes, hormone treatments, plastic surgery etc, CAN cause boobs and a curve,,although its never a real womans curves.)

bella thorne, is a tranny. .(just like obama, right joan rivers?? oh, shes dead now..after a plastic surgery gone WRONG) appareantly

that poopy

on another note, (yes i have my own transvestigation channel)

heres some pic of what is going around as a girl. mm...sure...shurrre..(i had a shur sync)

that look like a girl to you? ok..yeah..(clearly you havent seen real male to female out..real OUT male to female that is. ) no this is not the skeletal structure of a true female SURREE

ELSA JEAN - HERE CUM THE TRANNY!

on elsa jeans instagram, she said,' i just nutted', .i need to make another instagram account. i dont care if its me who posts comments, but anyone can see the history of what everyone they follow, they can see their comments and likes, so i really do not want my comments to be public or visable to someone who is just being nosy. i mean, i would like to leave comments..i just dont want certain people seeing who i follow or what i say. i said, 'has anyone seen those videos on youtube, about porn stars having chromosomes injected in utero?" hey, sorry if guys get upset that they jerk it to these porn stars who were really supposed to be boys...ok? and who really gets into porn? like, what normal female is like, 'when i graduate high school, im going to get into porn?' if someone does, prob because they are low on their luck/money, and get into it because they may of been pressured perhaps? or dire straights? i dont know, but these out of nowhere, like, who are they? they are transgendered and their mission in life was to become porn stars. the big names. not the smaller ones who never become big. why? because the real females in porn do not have that testorone fueled libido...not to say women do not get turned on, but i dont think women choose to be in porn..i mean, sure, SHUR, make a homemade video with your partner...anyways, im straying from the point. the ones who really make it, are the ones who have been programmed since a baby to be a porn star, and yes, transgendered. even the dudes, they are female to male. just look into it.

oh, and elsa jean...LOOKS like a tranny. she looks the way proud out trannys look, she has a male to female body..ok? i would of left my comment on but its my normal instagram account (that i made private)..but anyone can see where i comment and what i liked and who i follow (i follow a few porn stars too, ok? ) i mean, i wish we can make these things private somehow, or i need to get a sock account. sock..lol





below is a boy, little league. boy scout. kind of gay..hey! its ok tho...by all means...

TRANSGENDER AGENDA MICHELLE RODRIDGUEZ

this is weird, because she actually hit on me, a few times. for real tho...

"Why the red Shoes? Behind the RED DOOR!" all 3 Parts one Video #WhyTheR...

what the fuck? I just somehow turned my laptop back a half hour. i was watching this video, but when i went back, it went back to when i first started. also, everything i had just written on this blog post is gone?!?? i am so confused..i was writing about red shoes. i said this video is a little redundant, but it shows symbols.



Tom hanks instagram is littered with images of a missing shoe. Red shoes are very symbolic. Not only does it symbolize mind control and beta sex kitten alters, it also mocks the blood of Jesus Christ, his feet bloodied from the nails.



here is tom hanks instagram:



https://www.instagram.com/tomhanks/?hl=en



weird things are synching up with this adult swim stream i have up. the face of a devil, someone just said, 'gepetto' (gepedo), then they made the nose big, like if you watch this video, they are associating big noses with pedos...they also have been saying things that i have just recently talked about or thought about...hmm





anyways..a few images of RED SHOES

also, there are accusations about tom hanks being a pedophile. what else...??? oh, i dont know. ANYWAYS loubotins red bottoms..

this is weird. i wasnt able to find my letchup, for the longest time. it was just so weird. i looked in my fridge constantly, nope no ketchup. well now its all of a sudden back???? this is really weird

HOW BAD?? Isaac kappy - Macaulay Culkin and VooDoo Donuts? ...and more.

not sure what to think about all this. i feel its a big trollfest in some sort of rites of bragging way. its just weird. i wish he would actually speak about things he saw instead of repeating things he probably read or saw on youtube tho. i mean, he is making claims about adult swim being involved in a big pedo ring, but how does he know this? i mean, you know? speak up!??? he also did a troma film. im not sure what to think about lloyd kaufman now...or adult swim. like the president of it, mike lazzo, seems weird. i mean, how do pedophiles act? its not like we know we are dealing with pedos. ughh i dont know.

nj food mukbang (pork roll and scrapple)
90s perfume asmr

if this is all just trolling, NOT FUNNY. who thinks raping kids is even funny? family guy mainstreamed it...for a while. the steveo tattoo and the rick and morty guy, taking it too far.

then when i clicked on Ghild, (cuz i noticed the swirly symbol) there was a robot drawing then later he ate chicken? i mean, connections much? to get our attention? even having that harland williams actor on it.

i dont know, the whole thing seems really fucking weird.

i hope its not true, i mean, if this is a sick twisted joke...whatever. im still going to make my video. clips of corey feldman saying a HOUSEHOLD NAME is a pedo! not marty weiss or whoever. aint no one know who he is or was?? stephen spielberg tho!?? HOUSEHOLD NAME FOR SURE and corey worked for him on gooneys.

also clips of these jokes...i know what im going to do i just need the time too.

Are you a pedophile ? (Family Guy)

ugh...something about that song hes whistling too, its like a song you heard in your childhood, and it really just...ew. no. i absolutely HATE when men whistle...it truly is creepy. (and not a wolf whistle, just a whistle)

are you a pedophile?

remember when chris asked herbert the pervert , straight out, "are you a pedophile?" well now, roles reversed. even having someone make those accusations, you will forever be tainted, and even tho people say they don't believe it, even tho they do not want to believe it, being a pedophile will always be attached to your name.
i have been thinking about this alot lately, like at work. i just think, how do they say its their 'preference?' its not a fucking preference. like that pizzagate drag queen whatever creep, im going to make a video in fact. remember? that thing says, 'we all have preferences' and starts laughing all maniacally. they were talking about kids being the preference.

yep, im going to make a video about all this. i cant now cuz i need sleep. mike came over too. i will be too busy this weekend. so next week, even tho its all this week. old news huh.

i just made that meme. (in chris voice)

i just wish i had the balls to post that, on fb and/or instagram...