I got layed off, but they called and let me know there is more work available. I need to get medical coverage tho...I am so out of wack. My body feels tired, I feel tired, still!?? Maybe it is because I rarely take showers, lack of sunshine, not really taking my meds (need bloodwork done), eating badly...I don't know, but I definately need a checkup. pronto. stat. whatever...
so i am watching this. demon magicians...yup!
who knows? scary tho!! i would NOT want some sort of toothpick sword through my body!??!
also, diablo or...other magician...forget!??! i will link but there are more episodes too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI7uHI1x09A&list=UUyX8H5paMpxF9u9tAXW7vTQ
ill find it....
Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
so...i get kind of bored i guess. sometimes i just don't know what to do. i want to succeed, to move forward, to strive ahead, it just...seems like that never happens...and i don't know!??
so i wanted to go see a movie, and mike wanted to go. yeah i still keep in contact with him so what!? i lived with him and dated him for 3-4 years...you know? anyways, we went to go see Noah..
oh, let me tell you, bout that movie K!????!
sigh...
well in a minute. my chest still feels tight from drinking. yeah we went out to pints and pies last night, had a pitcher (NO DRIVING btw! pints and pies is right across the street from mikes, so we can just walk!) and grabbed a 6 pack to go, so i can have some beers and go on the internet...
i always feel quite depressed the day after i drink...like it messes with my emotions. it makes me feel very sad...i also think its because it just can't be nice and sunny out! why can't we just have a nice, dry, sunny day!?? whoa is me!
mikes a jerk too! whenever we go out, he finds a way to belittle me, to make me feel so small and little, and to embarrass me by pointing his finger at me and using key words such as 'accuse'. he tells me i just want to say what i have to say and i don't listen, when the truth is, HE doesn't listen!!!
the other night, friday, we went out to eat....and i was trying to have interesting conversation, so i started talking about something i had read...about women who visit their man in prison..(mike likes that prison show...gangland btw, so i thought he would want to talk about what i was talking about)...it mentioned a guy who was in jail since 1994, and he has no comprehension of what facebook is (well, what it means), twitter and instagram. so i said to mike, 'imagine being in jail for so long, and when (if) you get out, it would probably feel like you entered the future!' cuz it would right??? you lose touch with what goes on outstide of prison life (aside from what you see on tv as well, because they can still watch the news etc), but seriously, how do you keep up with the times? you don't! mike then INTERRUPTED me to say, 'time stands still ' or some quote he heard somewhere...'um..that is what i was saying!??' see, he does not LISTEN to the WORDS that i am using, or to what i am expressing...
no i didn't get mad! it is just so difficult to have conversations with him. he said i only want to talk about what i want too...and he got mad because i chose to discuss about people who are in prison!?? wth!?? then he proceeded to flail his arms around and point at me, belittling and humiliating me, throwing out curse words, and turning everything into this power play...as the waitress comes around and asks if everything is ok (food wise) ((oh yeah i also noticed a commercial that used words like 'instagram your selfie' 'tweet us' like us on facebook and in the article i read that prompted the conversation, it said a commerical came on a KFC commercial that said like us on facebook, so he asked his girlfriend what does that even mean? and she replied, 'i dont even know?" dumb! she could of said, explained what it meant that is!! take that opportunity to explain what liking something means! it means you will see notifications etc
i was trying to conversate! but he didn't like what i was talking about!? so what does he want to do, mumble about how awful life is!??? he constantly tells me how he is going to kill himself. he's miserable! i hate that!
he makes me feel so small. he likes to make me feel small and inadequate. he will ask me a question that i have to process (mainly because i cannot understand due to his mumbling) and when i take a minute to process, he will go 'OH!!!" like he 'got me!" like he stumped me!?? and when i do try to answer him, he does not listen and he will interupt to explain to me why what i said is wrong. he is like lisa! both of them make me feel so uhhh...they dont allow me to answer in my own way, thinking whatever it is i have to say is just wrong! feeble and foolish.
it is so irritating! and last night, at pints and pies...let's see...we watched the movie, and i was trying to talk to him i asked him if he agreed with the luciferian version of noah..about killing off mankind...then i was telling him oh i forget!!! i am so hungry right now........
blah!! he interrupted the point i was making to belittle me once again, asking if i knew who capernicus was...and i took a moment to realize he interupted me and unabled me to make my point, and he thought that he stumped me, like stump the booey...or bababooey idk..wasn't that a thing? stump the booey??
i am so hungry and depressed tho. i will explain noah later. for now, just assimilate. and assimate, and assume the worst!!! or the best whatever!!!
who reads this!??! who reads my blogs anyways? anyone!?? or just a bunch of fake matter. remember when renee zellweger was cute? seems like her face will turn into a pudge muffin pie...puffier and puffier...with rosy cheeks...and rosaciea. whatever happened to her? this movie is on where the girl has short hair, but its like a wig short hair or something...oh whats this movie called?? i cant guide it here...
i think its 'white oleander' or something. the girl is an orphan? oh michelle pfeiffer is her mother...i watched this before, lisa rented it once.
oh yes, last night, there was some girl wearing tight jeans (sort of 90s cowboy style) tight jeans, "apple bottom as mike said, even tho she had pockets of cellulite that could pass as a shapely booty...but the pockets were at her sides...and she had a long torso....like her butt jutted out but not at the right spot' i did my makeup but i was wearing my victorias secret ice blue hoodie that i always wear, and 20.00 jeans my mom bought me. not tight at all, not accentuating my booty, no belt, like the girl wore...i wasnt talking with enthusiasm or stars in my eyes like that girl was..because my stars were dulled, because of mike....
i didnt have cleavage or nothing like that. michelle pfeiffer is very beautiful. shes in jail in this movie..oh yeah...even renee zellweger is, she reminds me of key lime pie.
but back to pints and pies, and the star of the bar...the girl who i didnt really look at because i didnt want to feed her ego....because then she would know i was so jealous of her, because mike would rather spend his time checking her out than communicating with me, or looking at the blond waitress with a 90s curly hair and a big nose...ughh you know!??! and then he will yell and belittle me
why do i hang out with him? hes a real douche!??! hes just an all around absolute jerk/pig!??
he likes to put me down. it makes him feel good...who knows? maybe it even turns him on?? he likes to make me feel so small and insecure, it keeps me in check....
is he that awful? not really. we are used to each other. we watch movies, we eat. i am there for him. i try to care about him, he feels like he has no one.
thus is life, right ??? yet i am so selfish am i???
i am so awful right???? i don't truly care about anyone except for myself!
maybe so, as i selfie saturday it up during a drunk drunk whatever...boredoms. its not that i even want attention. trust me, i dont
trust me, it makes me feel mad when those weird guys at work stood against the wall, and 'regally' let everyone else punch in, while making sexual comments (yeah they did i heard them) its all older women tho, overweight women, so they make no concern when these guys are just...gross...i really do not go to work wearing 90s tight jeans and belts and ribbed tight shirts (like from the 90s) so these guys can check out my boobs and ass....no thanks!! see i dont WANT ATTENTION LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
this girl from this movie, not the main character...looks like this girl i know, trippy jen....idk...oh, i met her nevermind...nosy people
so i wanted to go see a movie, and mike wanted to go. yeah i still keep in contact with him so what!? i lived with him and dated him for 3-4 years...you know? anyways, we went to go see Noah..
oh, let me tell you, bout that movie K!????!
sigh...
well in a minute. my chest still feels tight from drinking. yeah we went out to pints and pies last night, had a pitcher (NO DRIVING btw! pints and pies is right across the street from mikes, so we can just walk!) and grabbed a 6 pack to go, so i can have some beers and go on the internet...
i always feel quite depressed the day after i drink...like it messes with my emotions. it makes me feel very sad...i also think its because it just can't be nice and sunny out! why can't we just have a nice, dry, sunny day!?? whoa is me!
mikes a jerk too! whenever we go out, he finds a way to belittle me, to make me feel so small and little, and to embarrass me by pointing his finger at me and using key words such as 'accuse'. he tells me i just want to say what i have to say and i don't listen, when the truth is, HE doesn't listen!!!
the other night, friday, we went out to eat....and i was trying to have interesting conversation, so i started talking about something i had read...about women who visit their man in prison..(mike likes that prison show...gangland btw, so i thought he would want to talk about what i was talking about)...it mentioned a guy who was in jail since 1994, and he has no comprehension of what facebook is (well, what it means), twitter and instagram. so i said to mike, 'imagine being in jail for so long, and when (if) you get out, it would probably feel like you entered the future!' cuz it would right??? you lose touch with what goes on outstide of prison life (aside from what you see on tv as well, because they can still watch the news etc), but seriously, how do you keep up with the times? you don't! mike then INTERRUPTED me to say, 'time stands still ' or some quote he heard somewhere...'um..that is what i was saying!??' see, he does not LISTEN to the WORDS that i am using, or to what i am expressing...
no i didn't get mad! it is just so difficult to have conversations with him. he said i only want to talk about what i want too...and he got mad because i chose to discuss about people who are in prison!?? wth!?? then he proceeded to flail his arms around and point at me, belittling and humiliating me, throwing out curse words, and turning everything into this power play...as the waitress comes around and asks if everything is ok (food wise) ((oh yeah i also noticed a commercial that used words like 'instagram your selfie' 'tweet us' like us on facebook and in the article i read that prompted the conversation, it said a commerical came on a KFC commercial that said like us on facebook, so he asked his girlfriend what does that even mean? and she replied, 'i dont even know?" dumb! she could of said, explained what it meant that is!! take that opportunity to explain what liking something means! it means you will see notifications etc
i was trying to conversate! but he didn't like what i was talking about!? so what does he want to do, mumble about how awful life is!??? he constantly tells me how he is going to kill himself. he's miserable! i hate that!
he makes me feel so small. he likes to make me feel small and inadequate. he will ask me a question that i have to process (mainly because i cannot understand due to his mumbling) and when i take a minute to process, he will go 'OH!!!" like he 'got me!" like he stumped me!?? and when i do try to answer him, he does not listen and he will interupt to explain to me why what i said is wrong. he is like lisa! both of them make me feel so uhhh...they dont allow me to answer in my own way, thinking whatever it is i have to say is just wrong! feeble and foolish.
it is so irritating! and last night, at pints and pies...let's see...we watched the movie, and i was trying to talk to him i asked him if he agreed with the luciferian version of noah..about killing off mankind...then i was telling him oh i forget!!! i am so hungry right now........
blah!! he interrupted the point i was making to belittle me once again, asking if i knew who capernicus was...and i took a moment to realize he interupted me and unabled me to make my point, and he thought that he stumped me, like stump the booey...or bababooey idk..wasn't that a thing? stump the booey??
i am so hungry and depressed tho. i will explain noah later. for now, just assimilate. and assimate, and assume the worst!!! or the best whatever!!!
who reads this!??! who reads my blogs anyways? anyone!?? or just a bunch of fake matter. remember when renee zellweger was cute? seems like her face will turn into a pudge muffin pie...puffier and puffier...with rosy cheeks...and rosaciea. whatever happened to her? this movie is on where the girl has short hair, but its like a wig short hair or something...oh whats this movie called?? i cant guide it here...
i think its 'white oleander' or something. the girl is an orphan? oh michelle pfeiffer is her mother...i watched this before, lisa rented it once.
oh yes, last night, there was some girl wearing tight jeans (sort of 90s cowboy style) tight jeans, "apple bottom as mike said, even tho she had pockets of cellulite that could pass as a shapely booty...but the pockets were at her sides...and she had a long torso....like her butt jutted out but not at the right spot' i did my makeup but i was wearing my victorias secret ice blue hoodie that i always wear, and 20.00 jeans my mom bought me. not tight at all, not accentuating my booty, no belt, like the girl wore...i wasnt talking with enthusiasm or stars in my eyes like that girl was..because my stars were dulled, because of mike....
i didnt have cleavage or nothing like that. michelle pfeiffer is very beautiful. shes in jail in this movie..oh yeah...even renee zellweger is, she reminds me of key lime pie.
but back to pints and pies, and the star of the bar...the girl who i didnt really look at because i didnt want to feed her ego....because then she would know i was so jealous of her, because mike would rather spend his time checking her out than communicating with me, or looking at the blond waitress with a 90s curly hair and a big nose...ughh you know!??! and then he will yell and belittle me
why do i hang out with him? hes a real douche!??! hes just an all around absolute jerk/pig!??
he likes to put me down. it makes him feel good...who knows? maybe it even turns him on?? he likes to make me feel so small and insecure, it keeps me in check....
is he that awful? not really. we are used to each other. we watch movies, we eat. i am there for him. i try to care about him, he feels like he has no one.
thus is life, right ??? yet i am so selfish am i???
i am so awful right???? i don't truly care about anyone except for myself!
maybe so, as i selfie saturday it up during a drunk drunk whatever...boredoms. its not that i even want attention. trust me, i dont
trust me, it makes me feel mad when those weird guys at work stood against the wall, and 'regally' let everyone else punch in, while making sexual comments (yeah they did i heard them) its all older women tho, overweight women, so they make no concern when these guys are just...gross...i really do not go to work wearing 90s tight jeans and belts and ribbed tight shirts (like from the 90s) so these guys can check out my boobs and ass....no thanks!! see i dont WANT ATTENTION LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
this girl from this movie, not the main character...looks like this girl i know, trippy jen....idk...oh, i met her nevermind...nosy people
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
synchro blog
i am a paleo/PALE LEO right now not getting enough SUN/SON
http://synchromiss.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/the-question-is-whats-up-with-leo/
http://synchromiss.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/the-question-is-whats-up-with-leo/
just words :(
tahhhh!!! GAHHH i cant believe what an impact paying the lawyer did for my bank account. it took me MONTHS to just save up for...for what!?? well, i have not gotten my paperwork yet, so i just payed lawyer...i dont know!?? i hate this...this is terrible!! i was so intent on saving money...and now, i have nothing! i could of used that 1500. for a shopping spree! some new tats! playstation 4!! ya know!?? i mean, i truly really hope that he can help me tho! i mean, i am so worried about having a felony and going to jail. i just cannot have that on my record!!! if i go to JAIL, i would use that time to make scrapbooks, i would draw, color, write...READ!!! i would take a bunch of magazines womans world womens health etc and cut out stuff tips and all...i dont know, i would meditate, also plan on reading the Bible start to finish...I don't know, maybe it will be a blessing??
im not really worried about the jail time, just worried that having this on my record will keep me from my dream of travelling abroad, or being able to go into Canada. i want to be free to travel! i also do not want to worry about having to write that i have a felony...i used to never wrote i had felony even tho i have prior DUIs, but i guess i really did not have a felony...but a third DUI IS A BIG DEAL!!! i used to hear it meant jailtime, and 10 years loss of license!! i never imagined in a million years...sigh...but then i think about it..did i really learn my lesson!?? i mean, no, i really did not drive around. like i said, usually if i were to drink, i would just go to someones house and drink...shrug...or just not drive. i mean, i would never even think about heading out to bethelehm..ugh and it buggers me to think about it....i am hurting...i am...
i would LIKE to get more tattoos! i like holiday tats too, such as candy corn, valentines day hearts, a shamrock...
maybe after easter i will want say, white rabbit, like that girl on the matrix....jk....i do want gummi bear tattoos, sushi, retro gumball machine, cherry blossom, ivy, dragonfly, ladybug, creepy alice or some kind of anime girl, idk..maybe something i create myself!??? i want mo' tattoos!!!
want more peircings, for my ears...
i need to get clothes too! why not!???!
i forget what else i was gonna say!?? i was going to make a vlog...
im so tired!! i feel so depressed tho...i mean, this has been a very long winter!! it seems like american idol is trying to push this 'sam woolf' to the public...with all his props...
but yeah, very long winter....i forget how it feels to be happy! i miss opening the door to let in fresh air, or just...idk...i feel so gross tho...lack of sunshine, i need to work out, tan...i never wear makeup either....and i am sick of wearing these sweatshirts and ugly long sleeved shirts...i just...i dont know :(
(ahh it just highlighted and deleted a sentence)
i just dont feel happy...i feel lost, defeated...
despondant, muted emotions on auto-pilot (meaning i'll 'talk shop' but am i feeling it!?? noooooo...im not feeling anything...just muted...)
im not really worried about the jail time, just worried that having this on my record will keep me from my dream of travelling abroad, or being able to go into Canada. i want to be free to travel! i also do not want to worry about having to write that i have a felony...i used to never wrote i had felony even tho i have prior DUIs, but i guess i really did not have a felony...but a third DUI IS A BIG DEAL!!! i used to hear it meant jailtime, and 10 years loss of license!! i never imagined in a million years...sigh...but then i think about it..did i really learn my lesson!?? i mean, no, i really did not drive around. like i said, usually if i were to drink, i would just go to someones house and drink...shrug...or just not drive. i mean, i would never even think about heading out to bethelehm..ugh and it buggers me to think about it....i am hurting...i am...
i would LIKE to get more tattoos! i like holiday tats too, such as candy corn, valentines day hearts, a shamrock...
maybe after easter i will want say, white rabbit, like that girl on the matrix....jk....i do want gummi bear tattoos, sushi, retro gumball machine, cherry blossom, ivy, dragonfly, ladybug, creepy alice or some kind of anime girl, idk..maybe something i create myself!??? i want mo' tattoos!!!
want more peircings, for my ears...
i need to get clothes too! why not!???!
i forget what else i was gonna say!?? i was going to make a vlog...
im so tired!! i feel so depressed tho...i mean, this has been a very long winter!! it seems like american idol is trying to push this 'sam woolf' to the public...with all his props...
but yeah, very long winter....i forget how it feels to be happy! i miss opening the door to let in fresh air, or just...idk...i feel so gross tho...lack of sunshine, i need to work out, tan...i never wear makeup either....and i am sick of wearing these sweatshirts and ugly long sleeved shirts...i just...i dont know :(
(ahh it just highlighted and deleted a sentence)
i just dont feel happy...i feel lost, defeated...
despondant, muted emotions on auto-pilot (meaning i'll 'talk shop' but am i feeling it!?? noooooo...im not feeling anything...just muted...)
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
feeling hopeless and derpressed
Hey...seriously tho, I feel so gross. Well, I cannot eat pork twice a week!?? I mean, it feels so discouraging when everything you had worked so hard for doesn't really mean a thing in the end. Last year, I really decided to start eating healthy and working out, and I was able to get back down to 125 lbs! Now, since I have been back home, I gained it all back! I am now 140 and I feel so gross! I thought I got my freedom back when I left Mike, (living there), I thought I was capable of anything. Actually, that is not true. I went to LA then came home, and it was the holidays, and then snow, then relatives, then temp jobs which just made so tired...then more snow...then most of the money I saved from working and my taxes just went to the car towing place and the lawyer. I really give up. I don't think I will ever have a nice wardrobe, or a nice apartment, I don't think I will ever have a kitchen to cook myself healthy meals, good recipes, etc...what about anything I ever wanted!?? I am getting older now, will I ever get married? Or have kids for that matter!??
I mean, nothing works out for me! I am not blaming anyone, I take full responsibility, I just give up!
I will never have an office with a good PC computer to type up my stories...I mean, doing it on a laptop is not focusing enough for me, I want an office.
I am too fat and tired to even care anymore! I am too cold, too much of a pale, unhealthy pallor...hypothyroids wanting to hypo...
I just...don't feel anything good. I have headaches. I don't want to work somewhere and for what? For it to go to this DUI, where I am going to go to jail anyways, and have to be around AA folk, while they just sit and judge me, and curl their noses because I am so odd and strange and targetted individual idiot!???!
whatever
I mean, nothing works out for me! I am not blaming anyone, I take full responsibility, I just give up!
I will never have an office with a good PC computer to type up my stories...I mean, doing it on a laptop is not focusing enough for me, I want an office.
I am too fat and tired to even care anymore! I am too cold, too much of a pale, unhealthy pallor...hypothyroids wanting to hypo...
I just...don't feel anything good. I have headaches. I don't want to work somewhere and for what? For it to go to this DUI, where I am going to go to jail anyways, and have to be around AA folk, while they just sit and judge me, and curl their noses because I am so odd and strange and targetted individual idiot!???!
whatever
Monday, March 24, 2014
mondays
hey! HEY! yeah so, went to work...even tho i am like...ehhhhhhergghhegheehhh
she was talking, and she flailed her arm out at the same time i was walking to my spot, she almost hit me in the eye..and the other lady was like, 'you almost lost YOUR EYE" (im like, enough already!! geesh! just let me have a normal day why can't i just have a normal day!???!?!? EGADS!!!)
someone mentioned drinking again too, my co-worker april whom i share a table with. i'm not sure why she mentioned jurEENKING!?
she also asked me what i was going to do after work, and she mentioned she had to 'talk to her lawyer' along with other tasks such as kohl's, going with the neighbor girl to one of their church meetings....but why does she have to talk to a lawyer??? it seems kind of mocking, towards me!??!? jiminy!!!
but yeah, i had my appt after work with the lawyer. i think he is a good lawyer, he does this all the time...and i really do need a lawyer, but yes i am very nervous about all of this.
i really do not want to go to jail. i understand that a 3rd offense DUI is VERY SERIOUS!! i know it means jail time, loss of license for 10 years (what i heard!??) he mentioned jail...that i may or probably will have to go. i just...i am hoping so bad that that will not happen. :(
he said i can go to a rehab and it will count towards jail...
he even said he may be able to get this one to be as a second dui...sigh...
i hope so! and i thought he was going to charge way more than he did...since the last lawyer...
i dont want to talk about it too much tho....im just taking things one day as a time. what else can i do!? right???
sure, the lawyer cost me...(what i was saving...for my own apartment)...idk...shrug. that is all i can do, is pray and hope for the best!
and i am done with drinking. i mean, i say that, but....i get bored.
but what good ever came out of jurREENKING!???! nothing but sadness....
anyways, i feel positive! happy. grateful! i could of hurt someone. yes i do realize this. i never want to be in a situation like that EVER!!!
oh btw, i am reading third offense DUI stories...and geez, some ppl got hit hard on their 2nd DUI!!
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Dui/1685223
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Dui/1928531
she was talking, and she flailed her arm out at the same time i was walking to my spot, she almost hit me in the eye..and the other lady was like, 'you almost lost YOUR EYE" (im like, enough already!! geesh! just let me have a normal day why can't i just have a normal day!???!?!? EGADS!!!)
someone mentioned drinking again too, my co-worker april whom i share a table with. i'm not sure why she mentioned jurEENKING!?
she also asked me what i was going to do after work, and she mentioned she had to 'talk to her lawyer' along with other tasks such as kohl's, going with the neighbor girl to one of their church meetings....but why does she have to talk to a lawyer??? it seems kind of mocking, towards me!??!? jiminy!!!
but yeah, i had my appt after work with the lawyer. i think he is a good lawyer, he does this all the time...and i really do need a lawyer, but yes i am very nervous about all of this.
i really do not want to go to jail. i understand that a 3rd offense DUI is VERY SERIOUS!! i know it means jail time, loss of license for 10 years (what i heard!??) he mentioned jail...that i may or probably will have to go. i just...i am hoping so bad that that will not happen. :(
he said i can go to a rehab and it will count towards jail...
he even said he may be able to get this one to be as a second dui...sigh...
i hope so! and i thought he was going to charge way more than he did...since the last lawyer...
i dont want to talk about it too much tho....im just taking things one day as a time. what else can i do!? right???
sure, the lawyer cost me...(what i was saving...for my own apartment)...idk...shrug. that is all i can do, is pray and hope for the best!
and i am done with drinking. i mean, i say that, but....i get bored.
but what good ever came out of jurREENKING!???! nothing but sadness....
anyways, i feel positive! happy. grateful! i could of hurt someone. yes i do realize this. i never want to be in a situation like that EVER!!!
oh btw, i am reading third offense DUI stories...and geez, some ppl got hit hard on their 2nd DUI!!
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Dui/1685223
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Dui/1928531
Sunday, March 23, 2014
tired
i am starting to feel paranoid. i am just sick of people! i hate going to the grocery store. i do not like being around people. i do not want to go to work.
oh but i watched 'machete kills'...again, "pick your POISON!" HA! i need to write about what i go through...interesting FODDER for a story! i need to write about it~!!! seriously! also lots of heads rolling in the movie!?? what dah!??!
aw geez...i have no clue anymore, bout life.
im sleepy tho. i will pray than go to bed, go to work...talk to the lawyer. I just pray that it will all work out for me. I already went to AA, and yes I do plan on not drinking. it will be hard, but i am sick of feeling wiped out and tired and nervous and paranoid and sad the day after i drink. its fun at the time, but i can have fun without drinking. i look forward to being more clear minded!
of course, summer makes me want to have summer beers and summer wine! and music is very triggering.
i bets go to beds...gnite
oh but i watched 'machete kills'...again, "pick your POISON!" HA! i need to write about what i go through...interesting FODDER for a story! i need to write about it~!!! seriously! also lots of heads rolling in the movie!?? what dah!??!
aw geez...i have no clue anymore, bout life.
im sleepy tho. i will pray than go to bed, go to work...talk to the lawyer. I just pray that it will all work out for me. I already went to AA, and yes I do plan on not drinking. it will be hard, but i am sick of feeling wiped out and tired and nervous and paranoid and sad the day after i drink. its fun at the time, but i can have fun without drinking. i look forward to being more clear minded!
of course, summer makes me want to have summer beers and summer wine! and music is very triggering.
i bets go to beds...gnite
Saturday, March 22, 2014
weird
so i figured i would get a haircut...that would make me feel better..right? i mean, i really would like a new look! and i saw a voucher for a free perfume spray...too..anyways i figured go to holiday hair..or whatever that place is called?? by the one entrance...outlooks for hair...something i dont know?? see, mall hairstylists never take chances...they never ask what i want...they cater to the older women i guess...i kind of want a stylist who actually looks at me and my face shape, my hair, and works with me. i want shaggy layers, a few inches cut off NOT A TRIM!!!
well the lady brought me to wash my hair, which was relaxing. i felt a sort of weird gist tho, like...'something isnt right'. there was some guy there with a bald head, and a WHEELCHAIR!???! i guess his wife, a much older woman, was getting her hair cut. that was her wheelchair.
i used to notice wheelchairs alot...
i told myself, i am getting my hair cut, just relax!! well, the lady started looking at my scalp...'do i have another bald spot or something?' i started wondering...due to my hypothyroidism, i sometimes get bald spots..oh maybe that is why that BALD guy was sitting there!??! its genetic too, my mom has hair loss sometimes, and so does my sister. it grows back tho, in alfalfa like patches...its weird. i kind of like finding bald spots, or weird alfalfa sprouts, i even found a gray hair that sage plucked out in the wintertime. i wish she didnt pluck it out tho. i liked it...
so she was just staring at my scalp...and she asked me if my head itches..why? why ask that? what do you see lice or something? a rash!?? what?!? a bald spot!?/ yeah its cuz my hypothyroidism..(yes my mom said i have a bald spot and i felt it and i just look in the mirror i have another small bald spot. she could of told me that tho!??! no i do NOT have rash or lice!!!)
then after she asked that, the stylist who was cutting the old lady next to me hairs, started talking about the boo boo (she didnt see that) ....a bruise on the womans head...the old lady was talking about how she fell and her head started bleeding...she was getting her taxes done, some lady said, 'call 911' which was the sweetest thing she heard anyone say....then she woke up in the hospital.
i wondered if the stylists have to pay attention to scalps and weird bruises. are they trained to question such things???
so, i just sat there, listening i guess. then the older womans stylist was like, 'were you drinking? if so, at least you were having fun when you fell?" ((why bring up DRINKING!??!))
she was not drinking, she was getting her taxes taken care of!
the stylist mentioned REHAB!??!? the old woman started talking about when she got out of rehab, for the fall she took. weird, i dont recall her mentioning rehab tho...then the old woman said they gave her oxycontin, and how it makes her feel very tired, and when the drs call her, it takes her a while to focus on who is talking to her...she explained the confusion an older woman feels when she is put on pain medication and drugs. but why mention REHAB!??! i started to feel paranoid, or was i supposed to be feeling that way??
the old woman said, it made her feel like the walls were caving in...well, guess was song was playing...?? that (had to google it) bastille pompeii song which lyrics go, and the walls came tumbling down' just weird how she was talking about walls then that lyric played...after that that song 'foster and the people pumped up kicks came on (song was just on american idol) and one of the other girls that work there had said, "your such a manipulator!"
i felt so wacky!??! like, who!??! who is this manipulator??! manipulating everything...
and the lady was done the old lady with her hair, and i kind of wanted to look at her to see how she looked, and my stylists just moved me so that i was looking at her...very weird!??!
and she started blow drying my hair and the old woman got wheeled away by her bald husband and her stylist started dancing weird, she put one hand up to her one ear, (like a mime does when they suggest they are 'listening', then she started doing that to her other ear, then she did a weird puppet like dance) and then she started talking about the wizard of oz of all things!??!?
why would you start talking about that mind control movie!???!
it was all very strange, my goodness...
shake...and then MY stylist styled my hair so that the one section of my hair was covering my left eye...
my hair looks nice tho, she flat ironed it...it looks soft and healthy, but i dont think there are any layers...its just a trim...
whatever...
well the lady brought me to wash my hair, which was relaxing. i felt a sort of weird gist tho, like...'something isnt right'. there was some guy there with a bald head, and a WHEELCHAIR!???! i guess his wife, a much older woman, was getting her hair cut. that was her wheelchair.
i used to notice wheelchairs alot...
i told myself, i am getting my hair cut, just relax!! well, the lady started looking at my scalp...'do i have another bald spot or something?' i started wondering...due to my hypothyroidism, i sometimes get bald spots..oh maybe that is why that BALD guy was sitting there!??! its genetic too, my mom has hair loss sometimes, and so does my sister. it grows back tho, in alfalfa like patches...its weird. i kind of like finding bald spots, or weird alfalfa sprouts, i even found a gray hair that sage plucked out in the wintertime. i wish she didnt pluck it out tho. i liked it...
so she was just staring at my scalp...and she asked me if my head itches..why? why ask that? what do you see lice or something? a rash!?? what?!? a bald spot!?/ yeah its cuz my hypothyroidism..(yes my mom said i have a bald spot and i felt it and i just look in the mirror i have another small bald spot. she could of told me that tho!??! no i do NOT have rash or lice!!!)
then after she asked that, the stylist who was cutting the old lady next to me hairs, started talking about the boo boo (she didnt see that) ....a bruise on the womans head...the old lady was talking about how she fell and her head started bleeding...she was getting her taxes done, some lady said, 'call 911' which was the sweetest thing she heard anyone say....then she woke up in the hospital.
i wondered if the stylists have to pay attention to scalps and weird bruises. are they trained to question such things???
so, i just sat there, listening i guess. then the older womans stylist was like, 'were you drinking? if so, at least you were having fun when you fell?" ((why bring up DRINKING!??!))
she was not drinking, she was getting her taxes taken care of!
the stylist mentioned REHAB!??!? the old woman started talking about when she got out of rehab, for the fall she took. weird, i dont recall her mentioning rehab tho...then the old woman said they gave her oxycontin, and how it makes her feel very tired, and when the drs call her, it takes her a while to focus on who is talking to her...she explained the confusion an older woman feels when she is put on pain medication and drugs. but why mention REHAB!??! i started to feel paranoid, or was i supposed to be feeling that way??
the old woman said, it made her feel like the walls were caving in...well, guess was song was playing...?? that (had to google it) bastille pompeii song which lyrics go, and the walls came tumbling down' just weird how she was talking about walls then that lyric played...after that that song 'foster and the people pumped up kicks came on (song was just on american idol) and one of the other girls that work there had said, "your such a manipulator!"
i felt so wacky!??! like, who!??! who is this manipulator??! manipulating everything...
and the lady was done the old lady with her hair, and i kind of wanted to look at her to see how she looked, and my stylists just moved me so that i was looking at her...very weird!??!
and she started blow drying my hair and the old woman got wheeled away by her bald husband and her stylist started dancing weird, she put one hand up to her one ear, (like a mime does when they suggest they are 'listening', then she started doing that to her other ear, then she did a weird puppet like dance) and then she started talking about the wizard of oz of all things!??!?
why would you start talking about that mind control movie!???!
it was all very strange, my goodness...
shake...and then MY stylist styled my hair so that the one section of my hair was covering my left eye...
my hair looks nice tho, she flat ironed it...it looks soft and healthy, but i dont think there are any layers...its just a trim...
whatever...
whatever!!!
i saw some article someone in the group posted, about flight MH370 (the malaysian missing flight)...it showed how STAGED key word sandy hook staging,,i thought i bookmarked it guess not. it shows staged photos, exact to sandy hook, except using asian actors, crying just like in sandy hook! the signs were in english, ill look for link. what if there is no plane?? i mentioned that and my parents were like, 'oh its true this isnt a conspiracy theory....hold on! i need to fix this, i cant see my cursor anymore!!
you know what i want? my own place. i just, i need my own place!!! really!! thats all i ever wanted! damn...you know? i am not ready to deal with all this rehab and the world of AA and more people telling me im going to jail, and jail. i just...i dont need to drink either. in fact, i am sick of drinking! i am sick of waking up and feeling depressed and robbed of energy due to drinking, i dont want a beer belly anymore...
i dont need to drink! i just want a healthy, creative, GOOD life!
people at my work talking about the missing plane. i think they are all fools, believing what the news tells us CNN always talking about this missing plane! DISTRACTION!!!
its about the PLANE! the PLANE between the world as we know it, the living world, and the SPIRITUAL world! it is the PLANE that brings the two worlds together! this PLANE to usher in the anti christ!?? who knows!?? i just dont believe and big news anymore!!!
i mean, basically, i sound like a 'paranoid schizophrenic ALCHOHLIC right???' well, they even SAID POISON in the NON STOP movie, along with the paranoid schizophrenic ALCOHLIC 'patsy'd hijacker'
they also said, 'you represent the government! you are supposed to save us' HA! and everyone trusts the government!!! they trust what they say!!! look at me now, being SET UP for failure!! right? send me away to rehab huh!???!
why to REPROGRAM ME!??!
so.......what else????? "so we talked about her options" (just heard that on tv)...so, so SO!!! wells fargo my financial priorities commercial...
they tried to make me go to rehab and i said, 'no no no no no no NO NO!"
at work, they all talk about this missing flight...they think terrorists...
now, it just discombabulated...HA CHOO!!!
they didnt know who the conspiracy theory types would be so they drew them to look like worry warts. am i a card!??? poison!??/ with a picture of me!???!!? MOI!
kidding you do know that right? im playing up to a mere CARICATURE of me!! duh!!! DUHHHHHH
joe, DUH!???!! whatever
you know what i want? my own place. i just, i need my own place!!! really!! thats all i ever wanted! damn...you know? i am not ready to deal with all this rehab and the world of AA and more people telling me im going to jail, and jail. i just...i dont need to drink either. in fact, i am sick of drinking! i am sick of waking up and feeling depressed and robbed of energy due to drinking, i dont want a beer belly anymore...
i dont need to drink! i just want a healthy, creative, GOOD life!
people at my work talking about the missing plane. i think they are all fools, believing what the news tells us CNN always talking about this missing plane! DISTRACTION!!!
its about the PLANE! the PLANE between the world as we know it, the living world, and the SPIRITUAL world! it is the PLANE that brings the two worlds together! this PLANE to usher in the anti christ!?? who knows!?? i just dont believe and big news anymore!!!
i mean, basically, i sound like a 'paranoid schizophrenic ALCHOHLIC right???' well, they even SAID POISON in the NON STOP movie, along with the paranoid schizophrenic ALCOHLIC 'patsy'd hijacker'
they also said, 'you represent the government! you are supposed to save us' HA! and everyone trusts the government!!! they trust what they say!!! look at me now, being SET UP for failure!! right? send me away to rehab huh!???!
why to REPROGRAM ME!??!
so.......what else????? "so we talked about her options" (just heard that on tv)...so, so SO!!! wells fargo my financial priorities commercial...
they tried to make me go to rehab and i said, 'no no no no no no NO NO!"
at work, they all talk about this missing flight...they think terrorists...
now, it just discombabulated...HA CHOO!!!
they didnt know who the conspiracy theory types would be so they drew them to look like worry warts. am i a card!??? poison!??/ with a picture of me!???!!? MOI!
kidding you do know that right? im playing up to a mere CARICATURE of me!! duh!!! DUHHHHHH
joe, DUH!???!! whatever
Friday, March 21, 2014
i went to AA tonight. i figured, well, a facebook friend had told me about it. on the drive over, i had to drive past stewartsville. stewartsville, which brought back memories. drinking, drinking..drinking...oy! that dollhouse (AHHHH WTF !??! oh my gosh i just said oy, and i heard that on family guy right now!?? WOW weird!???!)) SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? DO I HAVE A MIND OF MY OWN!?? DID THAT LEAVE AN IMPRESSION!?? NO!! THE WORD 'OY' JUST SEEEMED TO OF WORKED, DRINKING DRINKING DRINKING OY! DRINKING AND DRIVING IS SO MUCH FUN!?? (it isnt tho..i never drink and drive! seriously! when i want to drink, i found a house to drink at. truly...i use people. i admit it. i use people, for a place to drink. i will just hang out and watch youtube, and drink by myself all night, posting online..
if i go out, i have someone else drive!!!
hmm...so i went to the AA meeting tonight...
yeah i just wrote, DRINKING DRINKING DRINKING OY!
THEN ON FAMILY GUY, RIGHT AFTER I WROTE THAT, IT WENT, YOU SOUND LIKE A JEW OY!
WTFUC!??!
so i went to the aa meeting, which was fine and all...i mean, in that way...that church basement, coffee, meetings, 'im an alchohlic,' (i'm not honest...im a theif, im a liar...i don't want to be exposed...i don't want to bring attention to me, i feel like people judge me too much, i use alcohol to help me cope???)
i drink because i like it, i guess. i will have one beer, and i need another one. and another and so forth and so forth....i like how it makes me feel?? it makes me feel more comfortable if i am in a group or it will help me deal it will help me feel more invincible? nah? it will help me not give a shit!? yah! i am so worried that everyone thinks the worst of me...worse...
this isnt directed towards anyone nor is it for anyone in particular to read, i am doing this because i do not mind exposing my feelings, my thoughts, but online, as a 'safe' journal of sorts. i don't mind writing all about my life and my thoughts, but when it comes to raising my hand and talking about myself, my problems, my issues, i feel uncomfortable doing so. i feel like everyone sees me as 'a certain kind of special', or as a big joke..etc. what, you don't!??! you mean to tell me, i am not some sort of joke!?? i'm not some sort of, strange person who cannot speak clearly!?? someone you have to mock? someone you think you are better than because everything on my mind is here on this blog!
the one woman, a sponsor who has been sober for 21 or so years...anyways, she asked me what my deal is..how many duis i have...then she says, 'you know your going to jail right?' i found that shocking that she would just say that. wtf???
i tried to act normal but that really upset me. no one wants to go to fucking jail! i might be like, so be it, but hell no! i will fight NOT to go to jail and i am hoping to get a lawyer who will fight for me. no i will prove that i do want to stop drinking...
she said 2 months in jail, 3 months in rehab...then probably probation..honestly, i dont even know what probation is!?!??
what is probation!??! i have no idea....i know i don't like the sound of it tho...
or jail. i don't want a felony on my record. but truthfully, i have had alot of issues...with my driving record. i LOVE driving! i LOVE to drive! i love to listen to music and have the freedom and ability to drive! i couldn't imagine not driving. i have lost my license before...yes..i can deal..
i dont know what to say anymore. this blog isn't going the way i want it to go tho....im tired....and kind of annoyed.
i was going to write more about AA but im too tired, plus it is meant to be anonymous, i dont want to break any more laws!?!??!?
if i go out, i have someone else drive!!!
hmm...so i went to the AA meeting tonight...
yeah i just wrote, DRINKING DRINKING DRINKING OY!
THEN ON FAMILY GUY, RIGHT AFTER I WROTE THAT, IT WENT, YOU SOUND LIKE A JEW OY!
WTFUC!??!
so i went to the aa meeting, which was fine and all...i mean, in that way...that church basement, coffee, meetings, 'im an alchohlic,' (i'm not honest...im a theif, im a liar...i don't want to be exposed...i don't want to bring attention to me, i feel like people judge me too much, i use alcohol to help me cope???)
i drink because i like it, i guess. i will have one beer, and i need another one. and another and so forth and so forth....i like how it makes me feel?? it makes me feel more comfortable if i am in a group or it will help me deal it will help me feel more invincible? nah? it will help me not give a shit!? yah! i am so worried that everyone thinks the worst of me...worse...
this isnt directed towards anyone nor is it for anyone in particular to read, i am doing this because i do not mind exposing my feelings, my thoughts, but online, as a 'safe' journal of sorts. i don't mind writing all about my life and my thoughts, but when it comes to raising my hand and talking about myself, my problems, my issues, i feel uncomfortable doing so. i feel like everyone sees me as 'a certain kind of special', or as a big joke..etc. what, you don't!??! you mean to tell me, i am not some sort of joke!?? i'm not some sort of, strange person who cannot speak clearly!?? someone you have to mock? someone you think you are better than because everything on my mind is here on this blog!
the one woman, a sponsor who has been sober for 21 or so years...anyways, she asked me what my deal is..how many duis i have...then she says, 'you know your going to jail right?' i found that shocking that she would just say that. wtf???
i tried to act normal but that really upset me. no one wants to go to fucking jail! i might be like, so be it, but hell no! i will fight NOT to go to jail and i am hoping to get a lawyer who will fight for me. no i will prove that i do want to stop drinking...
she said 2 months in jail, 3 months in rehab...then probably probation..honestly, i dont even know what probation is!?!??
what is probation!??! i have no idea....i know i don't like the sound of it tho...
or jail. i don't want a felony on my record. but truthfully, i have had alot of issues...with my driving record. i LOVE driving! i LOVE to drive! i love to listen to music and have the freedom and ability to drive! i couldn't imagine not driving. i have lost my license before...yes..i can deal..
i dont know what to say anymore. this blog isn't going the way i want it to go tho....im tired....and kind of annoyed.
i was going to write more about AA but im too tired, plus it is meant to be anonymous, i dont want to break any more laws!?!??!?
Ahoy!!!
Hi! *waves*...oh gosh...I am SOOO sleepy, like...all the time! I started taking thyroid pills again. Anwaze...um...I have NOT been eating good nutritious food, at all! I hate this! It makes me feel like crap!
My mom made me an english muffin with lots of butter for breakfast, along with raisin bran cereal, and whole milk. God bless my mom, I love her...and yes, I am capable of making my own breakfast, but she likes to make me my breakfast! I actually prefer a light breakfast of rye toast with coconut oil (not butter!), or almond butter...even peanut butter, but NOT real butter!! although, if you must, real butter is better than margarine, however, I would advise a thin coating of land of lakes butter with olive oil, not all butter!
and whole wheat english muffins, if any kind...raisin bran is ok but personally I do not care for raisin bran. I like fiber packed cereals. Steel cut oatmeal is good too. A smoothie in the morning with some protein powder and fruits and almond milk is good too, with some Q'ia...(a mixture of hemp and chia seeds etc. I have a bag of those...that is also good with some greek yogurt...mixed with some fresh fruit (or some frozen), and some grinded up nuts...you can even make that a smoothie!!!
Lunch, ugh lunch...I had...lunchables! My mom kept putting lunchables in my lunch, which I have been avoiding, but I told her to just put that in my lunch, (along with a pear that she never included!!! I love pears tho!!)...the cheese sat looking at me, sad and pathetic, like processed, sliced cheese. It was just awful, and the ham....I don't know!??! i had some celery too, just celery tho...shrug...a capri sun...some yogurt balls...peanuts...meh...
Dinner. Ahh, hungry, but nothing to eat...so my mom heated up a pot pie. Frozen pot pie, miked up...ham with corn...again, meh...when you do not eat proper nutrition, you feel 'meh'.
When you eat HEALTHY!! you FEEL HEALTHY!!! i want to eat vibrant greens, reds, COLORS!!! veggies, fruits!
lean meats, like chicken, fish, shrimp!! turkey!!
olive oils, coconut oils, turmeric, cinnamon! red pepper flake, garlic! fresh ginger, parsely! fresh herbs! chiles! why not!? some jalapenos! cilantro!!! fish bake!
oh so,this is weird ok!??
"they tried to make me go to rehab i said , "no no no no no no NO no!!"
ok so, that girl fane, and her friend, (who has kool aid red hue...i'm sorry, but i hate red hair like that. dyed red hair...i hate pink hair, i hate purple hair, i hate 'manic panic' style hair! that look, well, it went out in the 90s! the girl on american idol has purple hair. rock stars still sport the pink (albeit sex kitten programming..) hair...that look is over tho!??! it was over after angela from my so called life graduated!!???!! idk..i just don't understand why the manic panic style hair colors are still around!???! what trendy looks do i like?!? well for one, i do like volume! i like mussy but not fussy looks...i like texture, i like smooth and shiny. i am going to get my hair cut, and i want chunky um...chunks...(??) of gloss and shine...and texture. if someone wants a few highlights, then get the clip on extensions! like i would like to do...i like mops...mops of hair...i like hats too. yeah, hats....but anyways, the girl who is fane's friend was there too. at lunch they came up to me and asked me how i liked it there, (nothing to do at stockertown A&H), and she was like, 'it's like jail, right?" at the time i did not think anything of it, but later i was like, 'why did she ask me that? if it is 'like jail'? here i am, all worried about going jail, and she had to ask me that!??!
so, then, this is very weird, i almost burst out laughing when i began thinking about it all...the lady next to me, april, well..people were talking, blah blah blah...the day that never ends!! but then, she says to me, 'i'm gonna get a 'fish fry' (whaaa!??! didn't i just BLOG!??t (not today but another day..i said i wanted a fish fry or a fish bake???) whatever it was i said, that is what she just so happened to bring up...
i guess wegmans is having a fish fry tonight..fish bake..whatever. i was like, thinking, WOW i just BLOGGED about a fish bake!??!
the reason why fish bake has been in my head, tho, is because my parents and i stopped inside the cracker barrel to look around the general store they have the other week, and i noticed on the chalkboard menu, it says every thursday or friday is a 'fish bake'...so i wondered about what kind of fish etc. i want to make fish other than salmon, and fish fry or bake..just sounds so, country style home cracker barrel...
but then people talked about a guy who won 500.00 on a scratch off and wanted to go to the bar, and april was like, 'people need to be careful,, they make poisonous choices' (nah she didn't say poisonous, but she did say bad choices)
i am so done...with that job. really...so fucking lame. and i am done with being tired. i need a haircut, and tan. vitamin D!
meds and vitamins i need to start taking:
levoxythyroxin 100 mcgs
iodine
iron
vitamin D
multi vitamin
fish oil
yeah...and healthy foods, maybe some fiber too, with smoothies.
also a shot of apple cider vinegar. man, i need my own kitchen.
i need to start exercising too. i miss working out. i miss feeling good about myself, i miss feeling hot, attractive! i miss feeling alive. i miss good conversation. i miss having nice clothes.
i miss hobbies, i miss sunshine. i love driving! i love to drive, and listen to music. i miss flirting! i miss attraction. i miss grilling....
idk...:/
My mom made me an english muffin with lots of butter for breakfast, along with raisin bran cereal, and whole milk. God bless my mom, I love her...and yes, I am capable of making my own breakfast, but she likes to make me my breakfast! I actually prefer a light breakfast of rye toast with coconut oil (not butter!), or almond butter...even peanut butter, but NOT real butter!! although, if you must, real butter is better than margarine, however, I would advise a thin coating of land of lakes butter with olive oil, not all butter!
and whole wheat english muffins, if any kind...raisin bran is ok but personally I do not care for raisin bran. I like fiber packed cereals. Steel cut oatmeal is good too. A smoothie in the morning with some protein powder and fruits and almond milk is good too, with some Q'ia...(a mixture of hemp and chia seeds etc. I have a bag of those...that is also good with some greek yogurt...mixed with some fresh fruit (or some frozen), and some grinded up nuts...you can even make that a smoothie!!!
Lunch, ugh lunch...I had...lunchables! My mom kept putting lunchables in my lunch, which I have been avoiding, but I told her to just put that in my lunch, (along with a pear that she never included!!! I love pears tho!!)...the cheese sat looking at me, sad and pathetic, like processed, sliced cheese. It was just awful, and the ham....I don't know!??! i had some celery too, just celery tho...shrug...a capri sun...some yogurt balls...peanuts...meh...
Dinner. Ahh, hungry, but nothing to eat...so my mom heated up a pot pie. Frozen pot pie, miked up...ham with corn...again, meh...when you do not eat proper nutrition, you feel 'meh'.
When you eat HEALTHY!! you FEEL HEALTHY!!! i want to eat vibrant greens, reds, COLORS!!! veggies, fruits!
lean meats, like chicken, fish, shrimp!! turkey!!
olive oils, coconut oils, turmeric, cinnamon! red pepper flake, garlic! fresh ginger, parsely! fresh herbs! chiles! why not!? some jalapenos! cilantro!!! fish bake!
oh so,this is weird ok!??
"they tried to make me go to rehab i said , "no no no no no no NO no!!"
ok so, that girl fane, and her friend, (who has kool aid red hue...i'm sorry, but i hate red hair like that. dyed red hair...i hate pink hair, i hate purple hair, i hate 'manic panic' style hair! that look, well, it went out in the 90s! the girl on american idol has purple hair. rock stars still sport the pink (albeit sex kitten programming..) hair...that look is over tho!??! it was over after angela from my so called life graduated!!???!! idk..i just don't understand why the manic panic style hair colors are still around!???! what trendy looks do i like?!? well for one, i do like volume! i like mussy but not fussy looks...i like texture, i like smooth and shiny. i am going to get my hair cut, and i want chunky um...chunks...(??) of gloss and shine...and texture. if someone wants a few highlights, then get the clip on extensions! like i would like to do...i like mops...mops of hair...i like hats too. yeah, hats....but anyways, the girl who is fane's friend was there too. at lunch they came up to me and asked me how i liked it there, (nothing to do at stockertown A&H), and she was like, 'it's like jail, right?" at the time i did not think anything of it, but later i was like, 'why did she ask me that? if it is 'like jail'? here i am, all worried about going jail, and she had to ask me that!??!
so, then, this is very weird, i almost burst out laughing when i began thinking about it all...the lady next to me, april, well..people were talking, blah blah blah...the day that never ends!! but then, she says to me, 'i'm gonna get a 'fish fry' (whaaa!??! didn't i just BLOG!??t (not today but another day..i said i wanted a fish fry or a fish bake???) whatever it was i said, that is what she just so happened to bring up...
i guess wegmans is having a fish fry tonight..fish bake..whatever. i was like, thinking, WOW i just BLOGGED about a fish bake!??!
the reason why fish bake has been in my head, tho, is because my parents and i stopped inside the cracker barrel to look around the general store they have the other week, and i noticed on the chalkboard menu, it says every thursday or friday is a 'fish bake'...so i wondered about what kind of fish etc. i want to make fish other than salmon, and fish fry or bake..just sounds so, country style home cracker barrel...
but then people talked about a guy who won 500.00 on a scratch off and wanted to go to the bar, and april was like, 'people need to be careful,, they make poisonous choices' (nah she didn't say poisonous, but she did say bad choices)
i am so done...with that job. really...so fucking lame. and i am done with being tired. i need a haircut, and tan. vitamin D!
meds and vitamins i need to start taking:
levoxythyroxin 100 mcgs
iodine
iron
vitamin D
multi vitamin
fish oil
yeah...and healthy foods, maybe some fiber too, with smoothies.
also a shot of apple cider vinegar. man, i need my own kitchen.
i need to start exercising too. i miss working out. i miss feeling good about myself, i miss feeling hot, attractive! i miss feeling alive. i miss good conversation. i miss having nice clothes.
i miss hobbies, i miss sunshine. i love driving! i love to drive, and listen to music. i miss flirting! i miss attraction. i miss grilling....
idk...:/
Thursday, March 20, 2014
no no no no no no no no!
"thanks, chef uh...chef...whatever your name is...MKd chef ramsey, for reminding me of, 'no no no no NO!"
a few things...random. watched 'american hustle" at one point, jennifer lawrence's character says to amy adams (??) character, ((who has multiple personalities, in the movie she is aware of them and made them herself, but amy adams, as normal looking (in an attractive, movie magical way that they all have), as she is, she just simply is not. she too, is MK'd. the number of MK'd (seemingly celebrities) are astonishing. of only people knew. of course, i dont know...for sure. perhaps it is not true. how will anyone know for sure, unless they out right see a 'handler' holding a notebook or a laptop, which is full of triggering triggers and phrases they say to bring up certain alters for certain...tasks? all of it seems a bit harrying to me although. i mean, what is the point of having say, an amy adams, play a character, 'esther?" i forget the name in the movie...yeah, its not esther...a kaballah jewish name...i dont know!???! complicated!!
um...anyways, one point she goes, 'you make poisonous choices' (poison!?? idk...i know i have been making those kind of choices....damnet)
sigh.........
some weird things. at work, one of the women screamed, and i heard someone mention something about a mouse!?? but then someone said they were kidding!???!
so then...the lady next to me, (when i told her they said they seen a mouse), said, 'too bad its not 'mickey mouse'....which was kind of weird, because i just blogged about how she loves disney land, remember!???
another weird thing, i keep hearing a voice that sounds like the mentally retarded girl...that chris was dating, on family guy. remember? the one girl...oh...i forget!??! they just played it tho. i keep hearing someone at my job who's voice keeps making me think of that 'no no no no no no NO NO!" girl...((ooh new sack clothes and ashes videos! i was thinking there was a connection between SXSW "south by southwest' festival, what with the death and lady gaga getting puked on, to the disappearing flight , southwest, debris found in the indian ocean....
but back to the no no girl...i kept hearing a voice that made me think of the no no girl...
so then, i was like...'why are you going through all this trouble to mess around with me? resorting to studying the people at my work, to see that their voices are similar to the no no girls, and then PLAYING that episode, so that it triggers me when i am at work, to be reminded of that. im no one special...
then i thought about it...the no no girl is retarded (i cant think of a PC word sorry!??!) or, a nicer word would be...'special'....so what are you saying than!??! that i am "special?"
it certainly is being set up to make me look that way huh!?? i am a 'paranoid schizophrenic alchohlic!"
HA HA!!!!!! when will i crack huh!??!
well ya wanna know something!??! aint gonna happen! i burrow into my survival mode, i burrow into my, ' i must not give up! i simply mustn't! i am strong! "
so, NO! NO NO NO NO NONO NOOOOOOO NO!!!!
oh who knows!??! gonna watch some of the new sackcloth videos tho....then take a shower...
had dry pork chops for dinner, and some sort of alfredo noodles, and broccoli. i always think of making luscious tomatoes, sauteed with some olive oil, some kale, and garlic...for protein....fish. i keep thinking of a fish fry. no starches. sip on some water...with lemon.
i will make more blogs. just not tonight...i dont think....
a few things...random. watched 'american hustle" at one point, jennifer lawrence's character says to amy adams (??) character, ((who has multiple personalities, in the movie she is aware of them and made them herself, but amy adams, as normal looking (in an attractive, movie magical way that they all have), as she is, she just simply is not. she too, is MK'd. the number of MK'd (seemingly celebrities) are astonishing. of only people knew. of course, i dont know...for sure. perhaps it is not true. how will anyone know for sure, unless they out right see a 'handler' holding a notebook or a laptop, which is full of triggering triggers and phrases they say to bring up certain alters for certain...tasks? all of it seems a bit harrying to me although. i mean, what is the point of having say, an amy adams, play a character, 'esther?" i forget the name in the movie...yeah, its not esther...a kaballah jewish name...i dont know!???! complicated!!
um...anyways, one point she goes, 'you make poisonous choices' (poison!?? idk...i know i have been making those kind of choices....damnet)
sigh.........
some weird things. at work, one of the women screamed, and i heard someone mention something about a mouse!?? but then someone said they were kidding!???!
so then...the lady next to me, (when i told her they said they seen a mouse), said, 'too bad its not 'mickey mouse'....which was kind of weird, because i just blogged about how she loves disney land, remember!???
another weird thing, i keep hearing a voice that sounds like the mentally retarded girl...that chris was dating, on family guy. remember? the one girl...oh...i forget!??! they just played it tho. i keep hearing someone at my job who's voice keeps making me think of that 'no no no no no no NO NO!" girl...((ooh new sack clothes and ashes videos! i was thinking there was a connection between SXSW "south by southwest' festival, what with the death and lady gaga getting puked on, to the disappearing flight , southwest, debris found in the indian ocean....
but back to the no no girl...i kept hearing a voice that made me think of the no no girl...
so then, i was like...'why are you going through all this trouble to mess around with me? resorting to studying the people at my work, to see that their voices are similar to the no no girls, and then PLAYING that episode, so that it triggers me when i am at work, to be reminded of that. im no one special...
then i thought about it...the no no girl is retarded (i cant think of a PC word sorry!??!) or, a nicer word would be...'special'....so what are you saying than!??! that i am "special?"
it certainly is being set up to make me look that way huh!?? i am a 'paranoid schizophrenic alchohlic!"
HA HA!!!!!! when will i crack huh!??!
well ya wanna know something!??! aint gonna happen! i burrow into my survival mode, i burrow into my, ' i must not give up! i simply mustn't! i am strong! "
so, NO! NO NO NO NO NONO NOOOOOOO NO!!!!
oh who knows!??! gonna watch some of the new sackcloth videos tho....then take a shower...
had dry pork chops for dinner, and some sort of alfredo noodles, and broccoli. i always think of making luscious tomatoes, sauteed with some olive oil, some kale, and garlic...for protein....fish. i keep thinking of a fish fry. no starches. sip on some water...with lemon.
i will make more blogs. just not tonight...i dont think....
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
heads will roll
so, after the voice, some sitcom all of a sudden pops up...i noticed that boy...(maybe its that new show, about a boy??? with the jonah character!?)
he was at a party and the song for 'heads will roll' was in the background...blehh!! also, i read about taking the chip or getting your head chopped off. chip or chop!?? really!?? REALLY!??! if america resorts to this, then surely the public will be like 'what is this inhumanity?' but they will be like, how can i feed my kids, my family? if they give you that choice, what makes you think they arent going to wipe most of the population out anyways, kids and all? some sort of disease, or 'natural disaster' ....they are evil!
also i watched that movie, the counselor, and they are so big on beheadings in mexico. a mention of a beheading of a woman, (facebook allows beheadings. remember that woman who got beheaded and it was on facebook? i didnt watch it aw hell no! but my friend did. he said her eyes were still moving back and forth afterwards) beheadings always freaked me out! i remember hearing a story where a daughter cut off her mother (i think the mothers day was slyvia) she chopped her head off in the barn!??? my cousin mary told me, when we were younger...
something about not having your head is just...ugh so barbaric...and like, i dont know tho!?? i dont like it...
remember all those head synchs?
here are some predictive programming pics...
i dont know anymore....i feel so...i had a dream well not a dream. you know when your mind takes over right before you are going to fall asleep? like, you have images and story lines that you are no longer controlling!???
he was at a party and the song for 'heads will roll' was in the background...blehh!! also, i read about taking the chip or getting your head chopped off. chip or chop!?? really!?? REALLY!??! if america resorts to this, then surely the public will be like 'what is this inhumanity?' but they will be like, how can i feed my kids, my family? if they give you that choice, what makes you think they arent going to wipe most of the population out anyways, kids and all? some sort of disease, or 'natural disaster' ....they are evil!
also i watched that movie, the counselor, and they are so big on beheadings in mexico. a mention of a beheading of a woman, (facebook allows beheadings. remember that woman who got beheaded and it was on facebook? i didnt watch it aw hell no! but my friend did. he said her eyes were still moving back and forth afterwards) beheadings always freaked me out! i remember hearing a story where a daughter cut off her mother (i think the mothers day was slyvia) she chopped her head off in the barn!??? my cousin mary told me, when we were younger...
something about not having your head is just...ugh so barbaric...and like, i dont know tho!?? i dont like it...
remember all those head synchs?
here are some predictive programming pics...
i dont know anymore....i feel so...i had a dream well not a dream. you know when your mind takes over right before you are going to fall asleep? like, you have images and story lines that you are no longer controlling!???
rants and stuff
all i want is a happy, cozy life! why can't this just happen!? i want to be healthy! i want to eat healthy! no egg noodles, no soda! no white bread, starches, potatoes! lack of greens, lack of nutrients. lack of vitamin D or my thryoid medicine. i am so sick of my jagged hair. i want nice, healthy hair. i want to exercise. i want to get back into a routine. i am sick of grapefruit juice with a corned beef and egg noodle leftover dinner. i need to get tan. i need hot tea. i need to do a workout video! i need to feel like i am revived, not eternally sleepy.
i am sick of waking up at 6 am and going to this job full of older, factory people. i dont know...the lady next to me is nice. she always talks about the rearranging and making ready for her 'spring' curtains and furniture. she talks about how she worked at that place for 31 years, and she talks about how she loves disney world, and how she goes to church. but she has a sort of, bored tone to her, as does everyone there. its a lacking tone. like, 'this is what i have to do...i have to go to kohl's and buy some new stuff for the house'. its like the tone i take when i talk to my parents. a sort of...muted tone. like...'yeah' even tho i feel this bubbling energy beneath my surface, that i just cannot release because i have no reason too. i go to this dumb job, then i come home and hang out around my parents. there is also some boomhauer (from king of the hill) lookalike at this job too, who complains about getting sick. they all seem the same. lack of sunlight for hours at a time inside some weird warehouse/factory/dry cleaning esque place does that to you. it is depressing, it takes all my energy and it is turning me to a muted face. a muted down version...of life. i can feel my awful hair, my pale face, my terrible nutrition, my lack of exercise, my weekly checks being drained, the future of court and fines, fees and possibly jail time, all of it...including seeing facebook posts. people's lives change...people meet someone, get engaged, get married, have babies...people get good jobs, people post bad news, i dont know!??! i moved out, went to california, thought i had the world ready and set for me, to save up money. i dont care to go out! who the hell cares about going to macgradys!? all we did was sit there, and i was a third wheel basically, watching those two kiss each other and stuff...mike was in bethelehm but sara doesnt like him. i could of went with him at least he could of driven. it wasnt even fun. i can feel all of this, killing me. i can feel it. i can feel the impatience growing and boiling, as i try to remain casually nuetral about sitting around, unshowered, pale and a double chin i get in the winter time, sick of the cold...i can feel it aging me. agitating me. yet i can still feel that wonder, that same wonder i always had, that bright eyed feeling of hope, and of the possibilities. i can still taste the grapefruit juice, and the boiled potatoe that also tastes like cooked carrots, soaked from the corned beef we had from the 'crock pot' for st pattys day dinner last night.
i can feel my eyebrows, all messy and in need of a good tweezing....the pad i am STILL wearing, after what seems like a month of wearing! yeah! i have been wearing pads for 3 weeks!??! what is wrong with me!?? i can feel the hypo thryoidism getting more hypo. i can feel life draining away. the thought of ever having a baby diminishing. it will never happen, will it?
marble is watching my mom on the table putting a puzzle together.
anyways, im trying to put the puzzle together!???!
who knows!??!
i thought of something strange...
that friday, when sara mentioned a house party, (which i didnt care about going too) it wasnt even! everyone was outside ((brrr!!!) smoking cigarettes.
i was going to leave, in fact, i said it twice that i was going to go. i had to pee so bad so the girl that was there said i can use her bathroom. now that i think about it, the girl looked and reminded me of cat from california, moss's friend, who...just got out of JAIL!??! wtf is that!????
forshadowing??? damn man!! not cool!!!!!
i noticed something. very tragic. i added a friend because a friend i did have, my photographer friend, told me one of his friends who did PR, had the same name as I, Lori Brown. so i added her and i msgd her to tell her who i was.
she since got married and changed her name, also has two young kids. i was scrolling today and saw a post on hers. it was her mother. she was posting on behalf of her daughter, saying that she is sad to say that her daughter, Lori, had passed away in her sleep saturday night. that is sad. i also cannot help to think, what if i had gotten into an accident friday night, and died? would my mother have to post on my behalf?
i feel sad for her family.
my cousin sabastians girlfriend schenley is in the hospital she is going into labor! wow! what an exciting time!!!
i am sick of waking up at 6 am and going to this job full of older, factory people. i dont know...the lady next to me is nice. she always talks about the rearranging and making ready for her 'spring' curtains and furniture. she talks about how she worked at that place for 31 years, and she talks about how she loves disney world, and how she goes to church. but she has a sort of, bored tone to her, as does everyone there. its a lacking tone. like, 'this is what i have to do...i have to go to kohl's and buy some new stuff for the house'. its like the tone i take when i talk to my parents. a sort of...muted tone. like...'yeah' even tho i feel this bubbling energy beneath my surface, that i just cannot release because i have no reason too. i go to this dumb job, then i come home and hang out around my parents. there is also some boomhauer (from king of the hill) lookalike at this job too, who complains about getting sick. they all seem the same. lack of sunlight for hours at a time inside some weird warehouse/factory/dry cleaning esque place does that to you. it is depressing, it takes all my energy and it is turning me to a muted face. a muted down version...of life. i can feel my awful hair, my pale face, my terrible nutrition, my lack of exercise, my weekly checks being drained, the future of court and fines, fees and possibly jail time, all of it...including seeing facebook posts. people's lives change...people meet someone, get engaged, get married, have babies...people get good jobs, people post bad news, i dont know!??! i moved out, went to california, thought i had the world ready and set for me, to save up money. i dont care to go out! who the hell cares about going to macgradys!? all we did was sit there, and i was a third wheel basically, watching those two kiss each other and stuff...mike was in bethelehm but sara doesnt like him. i could of went with him at least he could of driven. it wasnt even fun. i can feel all of this, killing me. i can feel it. i can feel the impatience growing and boiling, as i try to remain casually nuetral about sitting around, unshowered, pale and a double chin i get in the winter time, sick of the cold...i can feel it aging me. agitating me. yet i can still feel that wonder, that same wonder i always had, that bright eyed feeling of hope, and of the possibilities. i can still taste the grapefruit juice, and the boiled potatoe that also tastes like cooked carrots, soaked from the corned beef we had from the 'crock pot' for st pattys day dinner last night.
i can feel my eyebrows, all messy and in need of a good tweezing....the pad i am STILL wearing, after what seems like a month of wearing! yeah! i have been wearing pads for 3 weeks!??! what is wrong with me!?? i can feel the hypo thryoidism getting more hypo. i can feel life draining away. the thought of ever having a baby diminishing. it will never happen, will it?
marble is watching my mom on the table putting a puzzle together.
anyways, im trying to put the puzzle together!???!
who knows!??!
i thought of something strange...
that friday, when sara mentioned a house party, (which i didnt care about going too) it wasnt even! everyone was outside ((brrr!!!) smoking cigarettes.
i was going to leave, in fact, i said it twice that i was going to go. i had to pee so bad so the girl that was there said i can use her bathroom. now that i think about it, the girl looked and reminded me of cat from california, moss's friend, who...just got out of JAIL!??! wtf is that!????
forshadowing??? damn man!! not cool!!!!!
i noticed something. very tragic. i added a friend because a friend i did have, my photographer friend, told me one of his friends who did PR, had the same name as I, Lori Brown. so i added her and i msgd her to tell her who i was.
she since got married and changed her name, also has two young kids. i was scrolling today and saw a post on hers. it was her mother. she was posting on behalf of her daughter, saying that she is sad to say that her daughter, Lori, had passed away in her sleep saturday night. that is sad. i also cannot help to think, what if i had gotten into an accident friday night, and died? would my mother have to post on my behalf?
i feel sad for her family.
my cousin sabastians girlfriend schenley is in the hospital she is going into labor! wow! what an exciting time!!!
Monday, March 17, 2014
sign!!??
hey! hey! are you listening!?? i need a sign...
something!?? i just...i just need a sign...
something!?? i just...i just need a sign...
DUI IN PA LAWS
The 3rd time you are arrested and
convicted for a DUI in Pennsylvania you will receive 10 days -2 years
in prison and a fine between $500- $5,000 if your BAC was between
.08-.99. You will also receive a 12 month drivers license suspension.
If your BAC was from .10-.159 you will receive from 90 days-5 years in
prison, a $1,500-$10,000 fine and a 18 month drivers license
suspension. If your BAC was above .16 you will face between 1-5 years
in prison, a minimum fine of $2,500 and a 18 month drivers license
suspension. For all second and 3rd offenses you will be required to
install an ignition interlock device on you vehicle for 1 year. You may
also be ordered by the court to attend alcohol screening and
rehabilitation.
Lookback Period:
10 years (Period of time that prior DUIs are relevant for sentencing)
whats a "lookback period?"
Prior driving under the influence convictions can impact every aspect of your current Pennsylvania DUI charge. A prior drunk driving conviction within 10 years means longer driver's license suspensions, higher fines, and the possibility of more jail or prison time. A skilled Pennsylvania DUI lawyer from Levow & Associates will do everything possible to safeguard your rights and protect you from the consequences of a multiple-DUI charge.
Even one prior driving under the influence conviction can substantially increase the punishment you face in your Pennsylvania DUI case. For example, if you're charged with a first-time general-impairment Pennsylvania DUI charge (where your blood alcohol content is alleged to be .08 to .999 percent), you won't face any jail time, but a single prior driving under the influence conviction within the past 10 years means you can be sentenced to five days to six months in jail if convicted.
Under certain circumstances, a person convicted of a DUI in Pennsylvania may be able to file a PCRA (Post Conviction Relief Act) and attempt to re-open and fight a prior case, as if it just happened. The PCRA must be filed within one year (with some exceptions) of the final disposition of the case and is further limited to certain grounds for appeal. If you have prior driving under the influence convictions within the past year, please contact us to learn more about this and to see if a PCRA is an option for you.
Pennsylvania DUI laws are harsher than ever before, especially for individuals with prior driving under the influence convictions within the past 10 years. A knowledgeable Pennsylvania DUI lawyer from Levow & Associates will take every available action to safeguard your rights and seek to protect you from the consequences of a multiple driving under the influence charge.
i dont know when my last DUI in NJ was, seems like it was ten years ago but who knows?
and to think, i was so careful about spending money. i even thought of me getting into a car accident before i left, to bethlehem. i thought to myself, "why do they want to go to bethlehem? it sucks trying to find a place to park." i also told myself i wasn't going to drink much.
i didn't even want to go out. if i did, it would of not been bethlehem. sara msgd me as soon as i got home i wasn't able to get a nap. i'm just upset.
well, not really. what ever. if i go to jail, then fine.
FUCK IT!
http://www.tmz.com/2014/03/16/kellan-lutz-birthday-elephant-bunch-of-dudes-hot-chick-thailand/
Screw making it rain on strippers for his 29th birthday ... Kellan Lutz just wanted to let loose in Thailand with his bros.
The "Twilight" star celebrated the festivities on Nikki Beach Phuket in what looked like a cabana ... and a hot model delivered his birthday cake atop a baby elephant.
Then the group of bros all posed for pics wearing shirts that said, "A celebration of life" -- while Kellan's name was lit up on some kinda outdoor fire display.
This could be the coolest sausage party ever.
do you see that? i just posted about how i want to go to thailand to help with the elephants (not ride poor baby elephants as entertainment tho!)
they were partying at PHUKET BEACH!!??!
so...what does this mean?!?? JUST FUCK IT!??!
FUCK IT!!!???! JUST....FUCK IT! ABOUT THE DUI??! WHAT!??! HUH!??? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!??!
IF I LOSE MY LICENSE, THEN YEAH, FUCK IT! I'LL MOVE SOMEWHERE WHERE I DONT HAVE TO DRIVE! IF I GO TO JAIL, FUCK IT! I HAVE TO GO RIGHT!??!
i plan on writing, writing, and writing!!! that is all i will do! along with working out and reading the Bible. i will be fine. i will survive.
i will write, and i will publish my stories! i have been thinking about a few pen names i would like to use. i plan on writing a lot of different stories, different styles and for different genres.
children's stories, adult stories, maybe teen stories too. i have all my story ideas plus some of my auto-biography ideas as well.
FUCK IT! right!???!?
i cant breathe. i will go away. if i cant drive, why stay here? hopefully i can do some jail (not a year...i dont know tho!??!) then i will move. i dont know!??! i cant believe this is happening to me!
i dont know what to do!?? will i ever get through this? will i ever just live a happy fulfilling life?
doesnt seem like it
all i was planning to do is done! all i wanted to do was move out! that is all!
i wanted to leave after macgradys, i even said it a bunch of times! i should of veered to the right when i saw those lights. i was obviously impaired. i couldnt walk a straight line. i was slurring my voice.
i dont mind losing my license for a year, whatever. if i can move i will. heck i will go to california for a year. i dont know...i dont know yet..
im really upset. is this real? is this an illusion?
i dont want to go to jail?
why is that model on that elephant, and why is she wearing angel wings?
i dont know what to do!??
am i serious about being sober?! when will i lose my license?
how will i afford all these fees and fines, lawyers etc?
what will become of me?
:(
im nervous!!!
how long will i be in jail for!??!
all those driving things seem so annoying.
If your BAC was from .10-.159 you will receive from 90 days-5 years in prison, a $1,500-$10,000 fine and a 18 month drivers license suspension. If your BAC was above .16 you will face between 1-5 years in prison, a minimum fine of $2,500 and a 18 month drivers license suspension. For all second and 3rd offenses you will be required to install an ignition interlock device on you vehicle for 1 year. You may also be ordered by the court to attend alcohol screening and rehabilitation.
ignition interlock seems annoying. id rather move and not drive for a year.
i am concerned about jail time. i do not know what my BAC was. i had a pitcher of beer, in which sara and gino had some, then at mollys a shot that sara wanted (i didnt want any shots but i did take it tho...) and a michelob can or something. why did i get a pitcher? i usually just get a yuengling beer!?? ughh i cant stop thinking about it.
i think the cop said .15 bac. they took my blood. i first did a breathalyzer then blood sample.
what the fuck!???!
this kind of news makes you want to give up on life. i dont know!?? i just dont know anymor
What are the penalties for a DUI in Pennsylvania?
| 1st Offense | 2d offense | 3rd Offense | |
| Minimum Jail | No minimum jail time required | 5 days jail to 6 months | 10 days jail to two years |
| Fines and Penalties | $300** | $300 to $2500 | $500 to $5000 |
| License Suspension | No** | 12 months | 12 months |
| IID* Required | Yes, if refusal to take chemical test | Yes, during period of restricted license | Yes, during period of restricted license |
whats a "lookback period?"
The Look-Back Period for Priorability
Pennsylvania has a 10-year "lookback" period for prior DUI convictions, meaning that if you're arrested for driving under the influence within 10 years of a prior DUI conviction, you can receive harsher consequences than you would for a first-time driving under the influence conviction. If more than 10 years have passed since your earlier DUI arrest, your current case will be treated as a first-time driving under the influence charge, as long as you have not had any other convictions anywhere..Prior driving under the influence convictions can impact every aspect of your current Pennsylvania DUI charge. A prior drunk driving conviction within 10 years means longer driver's license suspensions, higher fines, and the possibility of more jail or prison time. A skilled Pennsylvania DUI lawyer from Levow & Associates will do everything possible to safeguard your rights and protect you from the consequences of a multiple-DUI charge.
Even one prior driving under the influence conviction can substantially increase the punishment you face in your Pennsylvania DUI case. For example, if you're charged with a first-time general-impairment Pennsylvania DUI charge (where your blood alcohol content is alleged to be .08 to .999 percent), you won't face any jail time, but a single prior driving under the influence conviction within the past 10 years means you can be sentenced to five days to six months in jail if convicted.
Under certain circumstances, a person convicted of a DUI in Pennsylvania may be able to file a PCRA (Post Conviction Relief Act) and attempt to re-open and fight a prior case, as if it just happened. The PCRA must be filed within one year (with some exceptions) of the final disposition of the case and is further limited to certain grounds for appeal. If you have prior driving under the influence convictions within the past year, please contact us to learn more about this and to see if a PCRA is an option for you.
Pennsylvania DUI laws are harsher than ever before, especially for individuals with prior driving under the influence convictions within the past 10 years. A knowledgeable Pennsylvania DUI lawyer from Levow & Associates will take every available action to safeguard your rights and seek to protect you from the consequences of a multiple driving under the influence charge.
i dont know when my last DUI in NJ was, seems like it was ten years ago but who knows?
and to think, i was so careful about spending money. i even thought of me getting into a car accident before i left, to bethlehem. i thought to myself, "why do they want to go to bethlehem? it sucks trying to find a place to park." i also told myself i wasn't going to drink much.
i didn't even want to go out. if i did, it would of not been bethlehem. sara msgd me as soon as i got home i wasn't able to get a nap. i'm just upset.
well, not really. what ever. if i go to jail, then fine.
FUCK IT!
http://www.tmz.com/2014/03/16/kellan-lutz-birthday-elephant-bunch-of-dudes-hot-chick-thailand/
Screw making it rain on strippers for his 29th birthday ... Kellan Lutz just wanted to let loose in Thailand with his bros.
The "Twilight" star celebrated the festivities on Nikki Beach Phuket in what looked like a cabana ... and a hot model delivered his birthday cake atop a baby elephant.
Then the group of bros all posed for pics wearing shirts that said, "A celebration of life" -- while Kellan's name was lit up on some kinda outdoor fire display.
This could be the coolest sausage party ever.
do you see that? i just posted about how i want to go to thailand to help with the elephants (not ride poor baby elephants as entertainment tho!)
they were partying at PHUKET BEACH!!??!
so...what does this mean?!?? JUST FUCK IT!??!
FUCK IT!!!???! JUST....FUCK IT! ABOUT THE DUI??! WHAT!??! HUH!??? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!??!
IF I LOSE MY LICENSE, THEN YEAH, FUCK IT! I'LL MOVE SOMEWHERE WHERE I DONT HAVE TO DRIVE! IF I GO TO JAIL, FUCK IT! I HAVE TO GO RIGHT!??!
i plan on writing, writing, and writing!!! that is all i will do! along with working out and reading the Bible. i will be fine. i will survive.
i will write, and i will publish my stories! i have been thinking about a few pen names i would like to use. i plan on writing a lot of different stories, different styles and for different genres.
children's stories, adult stories, maybe teen stories too. i have all my story ideas plus some of my auto-biography ideas as well.
FUCK IT! right!???!?
i cant breathe. i will go away. if i cant drive, why stay here? hopefully i can do some jail (not a year...i dont know tho!??!) then i will move. i dont know!??! i cant believe this is happening to me!
i dont know what to do!?? will i ever get through this? will i ever just live a happy fulfilling life?
doesnt seem like it
all i was planning to do is done! all i wanted to do was move out! that is all!
i wanted to leave after macgradys, i even said it a bunch of times! i should of veered to the right when i saw those lights. i was obviously impaired. i couldnt walk a straight line. i was slurring my voice.
i dont mind losing my license for a year, whatever. if i can move i will. heck i will go to california for a year. i dont know...i dont know yet..
im really upset. is this real? is this an illusion?
i dont want to go to jail?
why is that model on that elephant, and why is she wearing angel wings?
i dont know what to do!??
am i serious about being sober?! when will i lose my license?
how will i afford all these fees and fines, lawyers etc?
what will become of me?
:(
im nervous!!!
how long will i be in jail for!??!
all those driving things seem so annoying.
If your BAC was from .10-.159 you will receive from 90 days-5 years in prison, a $1,500-$10,000 fine and a 18 month drivers license suspension. If your BAC was above .16 you will face between 1-5 years in prison, a minimum fine of $2,500 and a 18 month drivers license suspension. For all second and 3rd offenses you will be required to install an ignition interlock device on you vehicle for 1 year. You may also be ordered by the court to attend alcohol screening and rehabilitation.
ignition interlock seems annoying. id rather move and not drive for a year.
i am concerned about jail time. i do not know what my BAC was. i had a pitcher of beer, in which sara and gino had some, then at mollys a shot that sara wanted (i didnt want any shots but i did take it tho...) and a michelob can or something. why did i get a pitcher? i usually just get a yuengling beer!?? ughh i cant stop thinking about it.
i think the cop said .15 bac. they took my blood. i first did a breathalyzer then blood sample.
what the fuck!???!
this kind of news makes you want to give up on life. i dont know!?? i just dont know anymor
Sunday, March 16, 2014
synchronicites and stuff
i know it is getting late, and i have to wake up for this really annoying job tomorrow, but i want to write a blog about the 'set up the synchronicities' and all of that. why? oh...who the FUCK knows!?? i do put too much energy into all of this. lets begin, shall we!?
friday night...(no rehashing tho!!!)...actually....saturday night, i saw the movie 'non stop'. now, before the movie, i didnt think anything awry about my friday night. i was flogging in misery after mollys (flogging mollys!? ) whats flogging mean?
i cannot rehash or i will feel suffocated. nope not gonna DO IT!!! damnet life!
(i have my own ulterior plans. i am not as nice as i portray myself. i have a backup fuel tank (idk LOL)...to keep me going. i cannot give up! i just cannot do it! i want to obtain something more then what i keep allowing myself to be stuck in! LIMBO!! i have been stuck 'in the middle' for too long! i need to JUST CLIMB OUT OF THIS LIMBO! i have a dark side. i pretend i am sweet and nice, but i am not. i am emotionless. i am careless, reckless. i pretend i admit to my problems, but do i really!??)
I prayed to God. He answered me last night. It truly made me cry. I felt his love for me as a father does for their child. I want to welcome the Lord into my heart, to guide me, to help me live life the way He wants me too! I want to be an inspiration! I want to share my story!
so during this movie, what made me start questioning Friday night were a few things...
first of all, the character "Marx" (?) is an air marshall. air marshall. he studies us, and he have no clue who he is? he knows who we are, but we do not know who he (or she..) is....((kind of like, big brother?)
the term 'big brother; was used in the movie too. the movie theater reminded me of a plane too, with the seats. i was wondering, 'are there any "air marshalls' here, amongst us, in this crowded theater!?
SPOILERS!!!
so, as far as subliminal msgs towards me...the one pilot was poisoned. ohkay!???! the air marshall was a 'paranoid schizophrenic alchohlic' (sort of like how i am going to sound or do sound, plus i got a DUI, ranting all over facebook about being an alcohlic! whats up with that!?? am i falling into some sort of trap? am i really that predictable?
when i was driving in the car, i heard the spanish version for the baby bash song, 'is this an illusion, that i have in my heart?" that song, tu amor...illusion eh?
in the movie, julianne moores character says, 'control is an illusion'.
is it? is control an illusion!???
i noticed a few things tied into the malaysian flight, yet i am sure no one else in the theater took note of that! one of the characters said, 'you are the air marshall! you represent the government! you are supposed to protect us!" (like the government tricking us! fooling us) there is also a part where the news twisted everything around, and made him look like a paranoid schizo alchohlic (he lost his daughter to cancer
she gave him a ribbon (ribbon programming?) take note of the cancer thing...ill come back to that later...
the news frenzy, surrounding this missing malaysian flight. even fox news was talking about how all the news media ((cnn)) is talking about the missing plane! a news journalist had quit over the coverage this missing plane is getting! this is a distraction! and russia in the meantime is help ushering in the third world war! armagedon!
they even mentioned how this "missing plane" is keeping us from the CIA SPYING ON US!!! oh yeah! but thats old hat now! we all know this! right? cuz they are blatantly telling us!
the air marshall representing government, who was the hijacker the media portrayed him to be??? get it? hidden in plain site! (SPOILER) even the ((albeit movie bad guys turned out to be a black guy and a white guy DUALITY BLACK/WHITE, YIN YANG, CHECKERBOARD, MASONIC! COME ON NOW!! DONT YOU SEE???
up down as above so below!!!
'set up' the one guy said he was 'set up' to approach the air marshall he was offered 100.00 ((targetted individual. ))
he was set up to approach him with some banter. friday night some guy approached me with some banter, about if i saw anyone taking beer from his pitcher??? weird!?? gino said he was trying to hit on me. now im like, i bet he was just SET UP!
no one sees that this missing plane is part of the plan tho!?? come on! seriously!??!?
what else....yeah so...a few synchronicities. i was saying how i wanted to stop drinking, and the news reporter goes, "yeah do it" then i was like, sign! then a commercial, which uses the song 'signs signs everywhere signs'
SNL was on. drake was guest did a skit about being black and jewish. repeat. earlier in the week (pre 3rd dui) i posted about maybe being black and jewish (im not tho...).....also, heard a joke about a 'big brother' on SNL...
before that, a show was on...they were actually talking about the illuminati, and the new world order, they were talking about everything i research and study! then they said the armageddon and they used Bible verses, and said how we need to give our lives to Jesus Christ! at that moment, it was exactly what i needed to hear! i prayed for a SIGN or answers, and He did answer me! it helped ok?
so, about the missing malaysian flight, someone had mentioned the wheel of fortune.
i remember i had taken a picture by the wheel of fortune pinball machine.
here is what someone wrote about the wheel of fortune (also, remember the wheel in the sky/fast and furious/paul walker/wheel of fortune, fast and furious CARS DRUNK DRIVING DUI!??!
he Number 10 - "Wheel of Fortune."
Symbolized as the "Wheel of Fortune". It is a number of honor, of faith and self-confidence, of rise and fall; one's name will be known for good or evil, according to one's desires; it is a fortunate number in the sense that one's plans are likely to be carried out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi9sLkyhhlE
when the one cop had to go through my phone to call my parents to get me, he had this weird smirk on his face. cell phone equals invasion of privacy aka big brother. he knew who i was. hence the smirk.
what if all that was set up? cuz they knew i was out. why was there a bunch of bright lights blocking the way to get back?
i fell right into it.
no i am not blaming anyone, but still. now im in hallows way....and in a moment i will feel like i cant breathe. it will happen.
he Number 10 - "Wheel of Fortune."
Symbolized as the "Wheel of Fortune". It is a number of honor, of faith and self-confidence, of rise and fall; one's name will be known for good or evil, according to one's desires; it is a fortunate number in the sense that one's plans are likely to be carried out.
so anyways...i feel depressed and sort of hopeless now. i have no clue what is going to happen to me. jail? no money? no place of my own. no good job. what!??
i aint blaming anyone tho. i just want to be sober and be an inspiration. i am so sick of this job tho. i dont want to DEAL WITH IT!!! A WHOLE WEEK OR WORK WENT TO GETTING MY CAR BACK FROM THE TOWERS, AND I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE THAT CAR FOR MUCH LONGER ANYWAYS!
am i missing anything else? yeah probably...i have to go to bed tho...
oh yeah, the cancer. it said on the news how a kid with cancer, even had no hair (his daughter liked ribbons because it represented the hair she wished she had) he had a BIG BROTHER program help him. he had a MOVIE THEATER party for him and a bunch of friends that night.
i mean, it is touching. poor child, no child deserves cancer. they are innocent children. and look at me, driving around after drinking. what if i crashed into that car, with that kid, with cancer? what if i had killed an innocent child, who had a far more difficult life!?? and me, driving around like a reckless, self absorbed, CHILD!?? you know! WAKE UP!
this ISNT FUNNY!!!!
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF! CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION! WAKE UP!
i cannot afford to feel sorry for myself! look at that child, sweet and happy, enjoying a party at the movie theater (i just thought it was weird how it was at a movie theater the same night reference was made to his daughter who had cancer)
but i cannot feel sorry for myself! i CHOSE to drive ((ACK THEY KEEP SAYING BIG BROTHER ON THE NEWS WHY!??? they are interviewing basketball team they keep saying big brother tho!??))
yes i chose to drive! i wasnt forced too! i did it! now i must pay the consequences! i cannot feel sorry for myself! i am selfish! i am self absorbed! i am an adult! what if i crashed and killed a CHILD!??! and INNOCENT CHILD!!! AND HERE I AM, ALL WORRIED ABOUT ME! WORRIED ABOUT THE FINES...ACTING LIKE IM A HERO, OVER SOMETHING LIKE CHOOSING TO DRINK AND DRIVE! I AINT NO HERO! I DID IT! I COULD OF HURT SOMEONE! I DONT NEED WORDS OF SUPPORT I NEED TO GROW UP! I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID! I NEED TO STOP FEELING SO FUCKING SORRY FOR MYSELF!!! GROW UP LORI! SERIOUSLY
friday night...(no rehashing tho!!!)...actually....saturday night, i saw the movie 'non stop'. now, before the movie, i didnt think anything awry about my friday night. i was flogging in misery after mollys (flogging mollys!? ) whats flogging mean?
i cannot rehash or i will feel suffocated. nope not gonna DO IT!!! damnet life!
(i have my own ulterior plans. i am not as nice as i portray myself. i have a backup fuel tank (idk LOL)...to keep me going. i cannot give up! i just cannot do it! i want to obtain something more then what i keep allowing myself to be stuck in! LIMBO!! i have been stuck 'in the middle' for too long! i need to JUST CLIMB OUT OF THIS LIMBO! i have a dark side. i pretend i am sweet and nice, but i am not. i am emotionless. i am careless, reckless. i pretend i admit to my problems, but do i really!??)
I prayed to God. He answered me last night. It truly made me cry. I felt his love for me as a father does for their child. I want to welcome the Lord into my heart, to guide me, to help me live life the way He wants me too! I want to be an inspiration! I want to share my story!
so during this movie, what made me start questioning Friday night were a few things...
first of all, the character "Marx" (?) is an air marshall. air marshall. he studies us, and he have no clue who he is? he knows who we are, but we do not know who he (or she..) is....((kind of like, big brother?)
the term 'big brother; was used in the movie too. the movie theater reminded me of a plane too, with the seats. i was wondering, 'are there any "air marshalls' here, amongst us, in this crowded theater!?
SPOILERS!!!
so, as far as subliminal msgs towards me...the one pilot was poisoned. ohkay!???! the air marshall was a 'paranoid schizophrenic alchohlic' (sort of like how i am going to sound or do sound, plus i got a DUI, ranting all over facebook about being an alcohlic! whats up with that!?? am i falling into some sort of trap? am i really that predictable?
when i was driving in the car, i heard the spanish version for the baby bash song, 'is this an illusion, that i have in my heart?" that song, tu amor...illusion eh?
in the movie, julianne moores character says, 'control is an illusion'.
is it? is control an illusion!???
i noticed a few things tied into the malaysian flight, yet i am sure no one else in the theater took note of that! one of the characters said, 'you are the air marshall! you represent the government! you are supposed to protect us!" (like the government tricking us! fooling us) there is also a part where the news twisted everything around, and made him look like a paranoid schizo alchohlic (he lost his daughter to cancer
she gave him a ribbon (ribbon programming?) take note of the cancer thing...ill come back to that later...
the news frenzy, surrounding this missing malaysian flight. even fox news was talking about how all the news media ((cnn)) is talking about the missing plane! a news journalist had quit over the coverage this missing plane is getting! this is a distraction! and russia in the meantime is help ushering in the third world war! armagedon!
they even mentioned how this "missing plane" is keeping us from the CIA SPYING ON US!!! oh yeah! but thats old hat now! we all know this! right? cuz they are blatantly telling us!
the air marshall representing government, who was the hijacker the media portrayed him to be??? get it? hidden in plain site! (SPOILER) even the ((albeit movie bad guys turned out to be a black guy and a white guy DUALITY BLACK/WHITE, YIN YANG, CHECKERBOARD, MASONIC! COME ON NOW!! DONT YOU SEE???
up down as above so below!!!
'set up' the one guy said he was 'set up' to approach the air marshall he was offered 100.00 ((targetted individual. ))
he was set up to approach him with some banter. friday night some guy approached me with some banter, about if i saw anyone taking beer from his pitcher??? weird!?? gino said he was trying to hit on me. now im like, i bet he was just SET UP!
no one sees that this missing plane is part of the plan tho!?? come on! seriously!??!?
what else....yeah so...a few synchronicities. i was saying how i wanted to stop drinking, and the news reporter goes, "yeah do it" then i was like, sign! then a commercial, which uses the song 'signs signs everywhere signs'
SNL was on. drake was guest did a skit about being black and jewish. repeat. earlier in the week (pre 3rd dui) i posted about maybe being black and jewish (im not tho...).....also, heard a joke about a 'big brother' on SNL...
before that, a show was on...they were actually talking about the illuminati, and the new world order, they were talking about everything i research and study! then they said the armageddon and they used Bible verses, and said how we need to give our lives to Jesus Christ! at that moment, it was exactly what i needed to hear! i prayed for a SIGN or answers, and He did answer me! it helped ok?
so, about the missing malaysian flight, someone had mentioned the wheel of fortune.
i remember i had taken a picture by the wheel of fortune pinball machine.
here is what someone wrote about the wheel of fortune (also, remember the wheel in the sky/fast and furious/paul walker/wheel of fortune, fast and furious CARS DRUNK DRIVING DUI!??!
he Number 10 - "Wheel of Fortune."
Symbolized as the "Wheel of Fortune". It is a number of honor, of faith and self-confidence, of rise and fall; one's name will be known for good or evil, according to one's desires; it is a fortunate number in the sense that one's plans are likely to be carried out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi9sLkyhhlE
The song of Blood, Sweat and Tears named Spinning Wheel. Check out my other music videos!
here are the lyrics to the song:
What goes up, must come down ((as above so below?))
Spinnin' wheel, got ta go round
Talkin' 'bout your troubles it's a cryin' sin ((ive been posting up and down facebook like its a crying sin i got pulled over)
Ride a painted pony,
Let the spinnin' wheel spin ((wheel of fortune))
Ya got no money, and ya
Ya got no home
Spinnin' wheel all alone
Talkin' 'bout your troubles and ya
Ya never learn (true dat)
Ride a painted pony,
Let the spinnin' wheel turn
Did ya find a directing sign ((yes))
On the straight and narrow highway? ((yep!))
Would you mind a reflecting sign
Just let it shine, within your mind
And show you the colours that are real. ((flashing cop car lights))
Someone is waitin' just for you ((the cops were!))
Spinnin' wheel spinnin' to
Drop all your troubles by the river side ((jimmy said i should of just walked to riverside))
Catch a painted pony
On the spinnin' wheel ride...huh
Someone's waitin' just for you
Spinnin' wheel's spinnin' true
Drop all your troubles by the river side
Ride a painted pony, ((like in a carousel))
Let the spinnin' wheel fly.
Spinnin' wheel, got ta go round
Talkin' 'bout your troubles it's a cryin' sin ((ive been posting up and down facebook like its a crying sin i got pulled over)
Ride a painted pony,
Let the spinnin' wheel spin ((wheel of fortune))
Ya got no money, and ya
Ya got no home
Spinnin' wheel all alone
Talkin' 'bout your troubles and ya
Ya never learn (true dat)
Ride a painted pony,
Let the spinnin' wheel turn
Did ya find a directing sign ((yes))
On the straight and narrow highway? ((yep!))
Would you mind a reflecting sign
Just let it shine, within your mind
And show you the colours that are real. ((flashing cop car lights))
Someone is waitin' just for you ((the cops were!))
Spinnin' wheel spinnin' to
Drop all your troubles by the river side ((jimmy said i should of just walked to riverside))
Catch a painted pony
On the spinnin' wheel ride...huh
Someone's waitin' just for you
Spinnin' wheel's spinnin' true
Drop all your troubles by the river side
Ride a painted pony, ((like in a carousel))
Let the spinnin' wheel fly.
when the one cop had to go through my phone to call my parents to get me, he had this weird smirk on his face. cell phone equals invasion of privacy aka big brother. he knew who i was. hence the smirk.
what if all that was set up? cuz they knew i was out. why was there a bunch of bright lights blocking the way to get back?
i fell right into it.
no i am not blaming anyone, but still. now im in hallows way....and in a moment i will feel like i cant breathe. it will happen.
he Number 10 - "Wheel of Fortune."
Symbolized as the "Wheel of Fortune". It is a number of honor, of faith and self-confidence, of rise and fall; one's name will be known for good or evil, according to one's desires; it is a fortunate number in the sense that one's plans are likely to be carried out.
so anyways...i feel depressed and sort of hopeless now. i have no clue what is going to happen to me. jail? no money? no place of my own. no good job. what!??
i aint blaming anyone tho. i just want to be sober and be an inspiration. i am so sick of this job tho. i dont want to DEAL WITH IT!!! A WHOLE WEEK OR WORK WENT TO GETTING MY CAR BACK FROM THE TOWERS, AND I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE THAT CAR FOR MUCH LONGER ANYWAYS!
am i missing anything else? yeah probably...i have to go to bed tho...
oh yeah, the cancer. it said on the news how a kid with cancer, even had no hair (his daughter liked ribbons because it represented the hair she wished she had) he had a BIG BROTHER program help him. he had a MOVIE THEATER party for him and a bunch of friends that night.
i mean, it is touching. poor child, no child deserves cancer. they are innocent children. and look at me, driving around after drinking. what if i crashed into that car, with that kid, with cancer? what if i had killed an innocent child, who had a far more difficult life!?? and me, driving around like a reckless, self absorbed, CHILD!?? you know! WAKE UP!
this ISNT FUNNY!!!!
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF! CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION! WAKE UP!
i cannot afford to feel sorry for myself! look at that child, sweet and happy, enjoying a party at the movie theater (i just thought it was weird how it was at a movie theater the same night reference was made to his daughter who had cancer)
but i cannot feel sorry for myself! i CHOSE to drive ((ACK THEY KEEP SAYING BIG BROTHER ON THE NEWS WHY!??? they are interviewing basketball team they keep saying big brother tho!??))
yes i chose to drive! i wasnt forced too! i did it! now i must pay the consequences! i cannot feel sorry for myself! i am selfish! i am self absorbed! i am an adult! what if i crashed and killed a CHILD!??! and INNOCENT CHILD!!! AND HERE I AM, ALL WORRIED ABOUT ME! WORRIED ABOUT THE FINES...ACTING LIKE IM A HERO, OVER SOMETHING LIKE CHOOSING TO DRINK AND DRIVE! I AINT NO HERO! I DID IT! I COULD OF HURT SOMEONE! I DONT NEED WORDS OF SUPPORT I NEED TO GROW UP! I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID! I NEED TO STOP FEELING SO FUCKING SORRY FOR MYSELF!!! GROW UP LORI! SERIOUSLY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)