just finished season 2 of you...first season was better...more suspensful. this one..i mean, it was good. just not as good
a few things of note:

there was a famous comedian who had a hidden dungeon/fetish playroom behind his bookshelf..and he would drug underage girls and take pics of them in this room.

made me think of those strange accusations about seth green and where 'the kids go' behind his bookshelf.

the comedian also lost a ball, like comedian tom green so im wondering if tom green is some weird pervert.

a ball. lol. but yeah. what else? oh in one of the things it says how it doesnt seem realistic because what guy says how long they have known someone? um, moss does. he says it down to the minute, which is truly odd. "8 years 2 months, 2 weeks.." whatever he says. and how the guy in the show tracks and stalks someone..is that what moss did with me? so i could be in his life? he knew me before i even met him. like what the fuck?

speaking of. im not sure if i want to go to vegas end of jan. moss wants me to go. but is it worth it? no. not really. i dont care to go to vegas with him anymore.

who really cares. i know how its like. yes its a payed trip but so what. shrug. it will be annoying and obnoxious and too much. i would go if i can go to LA afterwards, but even then i dont think the things i want to do will happen...which is, go to Hidden Hills and ride around in the golf cart. check out the celebs houses! of course, keep it on the downlow. i was there before. hidden hills. where kardashians and drake and now jeffree star live.

also i want to go to salvation mountain for a PHOTOSHOOT! yup.

i care more about that then stupid vegas.

Fantastic FTMs and Where to Find Them - Eddie Redmayne Transvestigation

SEE? ITS A WOMAN! I MEAN, take a look at the actors on tv and movies. as a female myself, i now can clearly see these 'male' actors are more the same energy as myself. i would look like a dude if i was given testosterone treatments, id look like an actor in hollywood. for reaal tho

I don't really blog too much lately, per se..but its fine. I have a fever but I feel like this fever will turn out rejuvating for myself. It will get rid of the negative impurities and birth forth (birth lol..miki spies always said that)...a new me. the body needs to detox sometimes and i do feel like fevers help do that. 

so for the longest time, i have been letting someone make me feel like shit. i just let this person think he can just come over and what not...but then he hasnt in a while...and it makes me feel really upset almost..it shouldnt tho.

listen, i am pretty awesome. i was just looking through old posts on facebook (i hit left on my newest photos then it took me to posts from years ago...)...i was pretty funny. i didnt care about how i appeared, id say what i want.

i am awesome. i have been through alot with my life. i have a pretty cool personality! weird, funny...idk. i can manifest myself in 2020 to become that james dean billy jean....queen? idk what im saying. i dont need to *manifest* anything..especially drag queens. that stuff is magic. im just going to try to focus on being the best person that i can! i can also do a polar plunge once i feel better.

been sick all day with a fever...watched You season 2 *binged* i still have more eps to go tho. i went home from work early.

so 2020! lets see what is in store!

and mike wants to go on a cruise. sigh. i really do not feel the same way about him as i used too. id like to meet someone and i cant, the more mike stays in my life.

that is a tough part. but im not attracted to him, like im attracted to that guy who is just a fckboy...whatever.


anyways. 

Nursing You Back to Health �� ASMR Nurse Friend When You Have the Flu

why does she have an adams apple tho??? i mean, can women get a double pronged apple? i know on t they get a small walnut sized one...anyways. im sick and this sucks. hopefully i feel better in the morning

Bollywood Bamboozlement

WHAT A STRANGE WORLD!? salman khan. i met him and hung around with him plenty of times. but now i see it. its not even a real man!?? ok...he was talking to miss universe natalie glebova. is she a real WOMAN?? is anand jon a real man? oh cuz he sexually assaulted me and made me puke on his weird member...lets just say. was it even a real mans penis? sorry to be gross but yes he did FORCE himself on me. but from my memory..yeah, save that for my book. but now im like...okkkk...i think anand is a real man tho...why get involved with regular type people like myself? you know? or the other girls he raped and assaulted.

Carol & Bernadette

watch this if you dont believe men have been masquerading as women. this is not a WOMAN! for some reason, the CRINGEY movie, bad moms was on...(i watched AHS 1984 then i put on live fx)...bad moms is such a cringe movie. at one point mila kunis and the guy...i think its jay hernandez? they start kissing and have sex. SHES THE MAN HES THE WOMAN! she has a huge man skull he has a tiny female skull. THATS what a REAL WOMAN would look like...IF...they allowed HIM to be  a HER!!! (IFF EEF IF CINDERELLA!!!)...then after they had sex in the movie, he says. "I think you got me pregnant"...watch these movies and take cue..they say these things all the time. at the end all the actresses moms were in it..such as christina applegates mom. they ask them whats the worse thing their moms did to them. christina says her mom took her to see CRUISING...about a gay man who rapes then kills his victims..she was a kid. also, perhaps her mom actually took her CRUISING. and the mothers reaction was so fake..like, she didnt even remember if that even happened??? its just so weird. so, are mila kunis, christina applegate etc etcs moms BAD MOMS for allowing this to happen to them? milas mom says she told mila they were going down the street and they ended up in hollywood!??? WTF???



ITS SO WEIRD!?? i want to write a story involving all these...whatevers. mind contro..ahs electroshocked the guy and made him think he was a killer...



sigh...

TRYING WAWA FOR THE FIRST TIME

shes trying wawa. marshmello was also in bethelehm for the opening of some marshmellow factory. lots of celebs go to bethelehm, to do comedy and what not ,concerts. its a cool city! for real, i used to live there!

What Is Pansexuality?

i like how she breaks things down...how it all ADDS UP

Welcome to Heaven ASMR (60fps)

oh no! this was my idea! DANGET! well...i can still do one. and i have so many other ORIGINAL ASMR ideas. need me a green screen

Welcome to Hell (ASMR 60fps)

im starting to get weird again (also tired)..ill explain later. but. i just tried virtual reality. man its a trip! its so weird it is...ok so, i want to make an asmr called 'welcome to heaven' and dress up as an angel. the other day i watched one called welcome to the good place YOU DIED asmr...(i didnt know it was about dying)..so, in this one..looks like its a VR setup. it gets me thinking...more on that later. but VR can get so advanced...that we believe. we are actually living when really we are confined. hell may be a VR as is HEaven???

The Seal Of Stacey Solomon

this is really interesting actually..talks about gematria and numbers etc..kabbalah and the seal of solomon

losing a friend...

she was in Bethlehem PA . this was before halloween because she mentioned it. i met that superman guy she is talking about at a yahoo party we got a picture with him. that picture behind me is next to hotel bethlehem and i also had photos done of me in front of that wall. "blood queens' whatever that is?

How to become Belle Delphine

reminds me of salad fingers. also, based on her huge skull and what not...facial profile. i believe she is am MTF. of course. just more weirdo garbage.

"Any Gender Can Get Their Period" - GIRL BYE

she actually addresses alot of issues about things that make the trans community uh LOok bad.



so Men can get their periods too!??! Meaning, women who are trans men. bleeding. men bleeding from the crotch. no penis. cut off?? always stopped using the venus symbol *female symbol* venus no penis...



hmm....im wondering...how this all comes together. uh because it does!??!? why? baphomay??

Kristin Katoey Kreuk

this is a really weird story..since things often have esoteric meaning, i wonder..article even states that someone elses clothes were found nearby..as if perhaps he was killed..EPSTEIN WASNT KILLED!!

also, article says too much of a COINCEDENCE

so vultures ate at him..i know, very sad. truly.

he was missing his penis in fact. he was an actor who appeared in a seinfeld episode called ,'The Bris'.
Bris is a jewish ritual which is circumsizing a baby.

im just wondering if it had any sort of meaning ?? code to decipher??

very sad news, my fb friend nic would always decode things. she was in all the groups. last year she turned on the stove and it blew up. the last thing she said was, 'I turned on the oven to make a pizza and BOOM."

i just keep thinking about it..like, even to her death she was trying to explain things..understand them..??

she decoded the bye bye miss america pie/superbowl synchronicities and what not..sad

https://toofab.com/2019/11/08/seinfeld-actor-was-eaten-by-vultures-after-getting-lost-in-mountain-pass/?fbclid=IwAR3R8_2djWN1g18C3QLazch_cbwlSHMnNtpxG3KADebLv9BzXKgKeTMFmKc

heres an article on nic


https://www.kvue.com/article/news/local/woman-hurt-in-southeast-austin-home-explosion-dies-from-injuries/269-610345141

also...to whoever made that comment about me not being able to raise a child..who are you? seriously, who are you in this world? we all come from different paths. to tell someone that they are not capable of raising a child is really not up to you. i would do what i have too. do you have children? was it the easiest for you? is the dad still in your life or is he out cheating with whoever and whomever? for real so why not just hush instead of leaving comments on my blog?

i want to make a few music lists on youtube...whatever they are called. playlists.

-mambo no 5!!!
- genesis

idk..just old school music that makes me feel happy. oh whatever. i have so many tings i need to do!???

ELECTRIC NEON LINER | FESTIVAL MAKEUP

i still need to do this look

i had a miscarriage last week. it was the toughest thing ever. i was supposed to be 11 weeks that day. my parents came in to get lunch with me. i was feeling kind of crampy, but i figured it was my uterus expanding. i asked my mom about it. we had subway for lunch. they told me to tell them im pregnant (work). i showed my parents the actual size of the baby. they left i went to the bathroom. light pink when i wiped. i got scared. i heard spotting is normal in pregnancy. i went to work. could not focus. had my last break. more light pink. clocked out and started crying. went to my ob-gyn. they made an appt for the next morning. i called out work. scared. googled signs of miscarriage. next morning went to the appt. she said sex could cause bleeding and i just had sex with kyle a few days ago (yeah whatever..)...i figured it was from that. she did the ultrasound. we saw the baby hanging out. aww how cute. no heartbeat. confirmed by dr. no heartbeat. looked at my mom, burst out crying. she hugged me and was crying too. the dr told me the baby stopped growing at after 8 weeks. so it died after i had my first ultrasound, but i was supposed to be 11 weeks.  didnt go to work next day. bleeding didnt really start. dr told me i had three options. opt for natural miscarriage, medicine to start it, or a d&c procedure. it was the weekend so i didnt make a decision. i went to get my bloodwork done. friday i went about my normal day. upset about losing the baby of course. later that night, i felt a big clot come out. im pretty sure it was the baby. my parents came over and they slept at my house in case i had to go to the ER or something. saturday i felt fine. went to bushkill park then went to the shades of death rd with mike. explored a bit. even went out for sherrys bday later that night. sunday i started getting more cramping. it was tolerable at first, passed alot of clots. started hurting really badly, couldnt move. passed alot of clots. weak, no energy. called my parents. they came and picked me up to bring me to the ER. was in so much pain. could not walk. blood pouring out. had to wait for an open room. terrible pains. finally a room was open, still hurting so much. passed more clots on the toilet. they gave me morphine which helped. went home about an hour later. my parents house. picked up meds including percocets.

monday i had appt with my general dr. i asked for anxiety pills. ive been on them since monday and they make me tired. tried to drink some beer last night kept passing out. very depressed. been on a leave of absense. my ob gyn dr didnt want me to go to work until next week. more bloodwork tomorrow then we are going to see why i keep getting miscarriages!??? why?





later today im going to get my hair cut and highlighted. shrug.

regarding my transition

this thang..sorry. she KNOWS she is not a TRUE female/ this is why she is making these videos. trishay paytas has a flat back, never can get pregnant. i already did a transvestigation on her but i will do another one. she knows she is not a true woman ok???? she wants to spill the beans but she cannot!!!!

hey. so just when i think im getting over kyle,,he comes over and its so hot. like, im just so super attracted to him WTFHA?? and hes just..ughh...i cant stop thinking about him. anyways whatever

so...im 10 wks and 6 days pregnant, so it really seems more in the  week i was with mike that i conceived which is a good thing. i dont know kyle and it would be really weird and awkward if it was his. i mean, yes i like him alot...but yeah.

so i am going to just move in with mike (i will send his address)...just so i can save money.

heres the deal..like, this summer, i started going out and i actually started encountering (and that just means, seeing certain guys out..or whatever, you know..talking to cute guys..i mean yes i was with kyle a few times and he did stop by the other night i saw him..oh my gosh!!)

but i was starting to feel it, just like..well you know. seeing guys i find attractive..like that. i dont feel that way about mike anymore. i just dont.

the way hes treated me ...also, i just..my feelings arent there anymore. and no we havent had sex since august. probably since he got me pregnant. right?

so i really dont think i want to try to be a family with him. its sad yes...but maybe we can do split custody? i will not ask for child support tho. i dont know. this is really tought. i have a baby growing inside me and i am going to have a child to take care of! WOW! also, i wouldnt do the split custody until a few years down the road. i just dont want to be with mike.

ahh too much to think about!??! another thing with mike ..he makes me feel like my life is over. my life doenst have to be over if i have a kid.


i can still meet someone who is fun, hot, easy going, likes me, open minded, adventurous, sexy as heck..loves summer, travelling. doesnt shame me. etc etc etc.

next summer i will have this baby and yeah we will see. i also intend to start working out asap and get myself looking like a hot mama!

i cant wait to see this lil baby!!!

Katy Perry - Harleys In Hawaii (Official)

motorcycle rides are so sexy! i need me a man with a harley or somethin...lol

looks like it would be mikes tho..but im going to check my most fertile window later when im around all my notes of when i got my periods

Conception Date

The most likely conception date for a baby due on May 7, 2020 was August 14, 2019, based on a “typical” 40 week pregnancy.

Intercourse Dates

If your baby is due on May 7, 2020, intercourse was likely between August 8, 2019 and August 14, 2019. This is because sperm can live inside your body for up to a week, if the conditions are right.

Pregnancy Calendar

See what’s happening with baby and mama throughout your pregnancy with a complete pregnancy calendar for babies due on May 7, 2020.

hidden messages directed at me??

sometimes i still do notice things..directed at me i suppose? i didnt write about it before, but i will now. so..in the movie, the fanatic, it takes place in hollywood. the blvd primarily. the main character, played by john travolta, is 'moose'. MOOSE!?? he is a stalker type who tries to get close to his hero. idk, something about that character reminded me of moss in a way...also, he has a sign in his apartment (which was actually really cool), that says POISON on it. i was like, uhh..shrug. i noticed a few other things but i forget...but i also notice in the guys bedroom, was a single bottle of yuengling beer. my beer!?? what i drank when i was drinking that is. yuengling tho? aint no yuengling in california!?? so, i mean, that got my attention you know???

so im watching jersey shore. pt 1 of vinnys chippendale review..jwow is wearing a neon green dress, which i kept thinking of how nice that dress was. pt 2, they are wearing animal masks. them wearing animal masks got my attention..like some illuminati weird ritual stuff or something...but then, i notice jwow is wearing the same white rabbit mask i had when i was in hollywood. i wore that mask at a halloween party too. she wore that mask at the crazy horse strip club. they made jersey shore to film the outside of the strip club..and i recognized it. i was at that strip club when i got super drunk and left my purse and cell phone behind. i retrieved it back, still. also, that night..i was wearing a neon green dress. now im wondering if its all a hidden message at me...?
jwows even wearing the mask same as i did?

ovulation tracker. i figured out the average of days in between my periods, range from 28-35 days, making the average 30 days. i have been tracking my period but for some fucking reason i didnt put down when i had my period in august...i have been getting it second week of each month. now im really worried because im scared that it may not be mikes because......i was with kyle i didnt think it would be his...im just worried. i need it to be mikes. but i did take an ovulation test that august and it said i was ovulating on the 13th and i was with mike on the 11th..sperm can live up to 5 days. you only ovulate for 2 days so the egg would not of been around when i was with kyle which was on the 19th of august..but according to my cycle id be ovulating that week of the 19th.

this pumpkin spice is not helping me rest.

oh heres the juicy stuff i guess..

i have been getting my period every month (give or take)..since i was 13 years old. my period stories? um..i dont really have any? i mean...i have bled before and not have a pad. it doesnt really leak down the side of your legs tho. more like, it gets sticky in your underwear, and depending on what you are wearing , the stain will just be noticeable in the crotch area. so, not as if people are gonna notice blood everywhere. also, not gonna leave some blood stain on some poor sap either. yeah, cramps happen..but its not going to affect your whole outlook of the day..it comes every month. yes. check. first few days you cannot wear a tampon without a pad. for real tho. or you will leak on through the tampon..

with that being said, i googled 'celebrities who free bleed' because i remember reading about some blind where a female celeb just free bled everywhere. now, did this really happen? and who wsa this female celeb? do female celebs even get periods?

heres an article i found:

https://people.com/health/celebrity-period-pms-stories/?slide=5759493#5759493

Dakota Johnson "My boobs are like eight times the size they normally are. It’s really a traumatic thing, and it happens every month.”
um..having a period will not cause your boobs to get any bigger. WEIRD!??!

dove cameron : 
These days, the Descendants actress is completely comfortable being candid about her menstrual cycle. “I’m totally open about it now,” she said. “It’s actually super cool to get your period. I always get so stoked. My boyfriend’s like, ‘You’re a woman, that’s awesome.’ I’m like, ‘I know, it’s pretty great.'”

WEIRD of her boyfriend to say that to her. YOURE A WOMAN! THATS GREAT!??!

um what guy is gonna congratulate his girlfriend on being a woman because she got her period??

amy schumer says she was wearing a vivianne westwood dress and an OB tampon. um WHAT WHY? if you are wearing a designer dress, no small little OB tampon is gonna keep you safe! unless you are on the tail end of your period...

While on the subject, the star recounted being startled after asking a group of women for a tampon at a recent photo shoot. “The girl goes, in front of the whole room, ‘What size?’ I’m like, I know there’s different sizes of tampons, obviously, but nobody’s ever confronted me,” Schumer shared. “Like, ‘What’s the circumference of your — you’re a big hole, a little hole? How big is the hole in your body?’”


amy schumer, again, it does not work like that. she might have a vagina.. shcumer, but she aint getting a period..theres a video jon humanity did of her a while back. he doesnt make transvestigations anymore. but different size tampons work for different times of ones period. (i havent had my period in 2 months..since beginning of august)


lena dunham said she had a 13 day period once. um WHAT?  a real female would get that checked out

mindy kaling: I started menstruating in ninth grade. I spent all of eighth grade faking that I had my period, down to sticking Kotex in my underwear in case anyone needed proof,” she wrote.

FAKING she had her period. natalie portman joked that she was faking her pregnancy.

yeah..truth lies in weird ..whatevers


mon

Greta Thunberg Should Be In School

this one. doing all these masonic gestures. have they created an adult/child? and its not very comfortable to do the spock hand symbol, whilst holding water bottles and microphones!???! for real. this one is a transgendered mind controlled illuminati brainwashed pawn. what a life.

t

apology

why is trisha even saying she is transgender? is it because of my video transvestigation i did of her last year? jk..but i have left comments suggesting that she is an actual MTF. her back..her spine..is very flat. her skull shape is more masculine than feminine. i mean, do these people know they are transgender? because trish seems to feel something is up...

MTF Actors: Ellen Page

wow too bad they cant just let them be their TRUE GENDER ellen page is supposed to be a boy

FTM Actors Macaulay Culkin

just so weird all of this. imagine having like, sex with him or an FTM actor? no wonder i cant picture any of these famous celeb 'guys' pure fucking. anyways..yeah..weird. i always feel like he has been sexually abused as a kid, most likely yes. it is sad really. especially if they do puberty block them and raise them as the opposite gender. i wonder if seth green is ftm? his wife clare grant is def an mtf...



idk..its all just weird and sad to me...

healthy foods to eat

what to eat:

legumes, (black beans, chickpeas, peanuts etc)

milk and dairy. yogurt

sweet potatos

salmon

eggs

broccoli, dark leafy vegs such as kale and spinach

lean meat (beef, pork and chicken)

oranges

bell peppers

cod liver oil

berries (strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries)

whole grains

avocados, bananas

WATER WATER WATER!!


breakfast: smoothies . fruits with almond milk and ice...

lunch: turkey sandwich with spinach, peanuts, drinkable yogurt

dinner: chicken, brown rice, broccoli

snack: dried fruits, almonds, walnuts

poem!

when will you look at me again? 
when will now be then?
when will it not be the end, 
back to then..when?

closing eyes much to my despise..
i await a moment that will never rise.
i am stuck never to realize...
stuck in a matchbook of lit up lies.

♡HOW TO BE AN E GIRL♡ (makeup, hair, clothes)

another youtuber with an adams apple. girls are not supposed to have adams apples or adonis belts. am i right here?? or maybe ...ahh i just see so many 'females' on youtube who have adams apples its so weird!??

Do you ever feel like you need to get to the point of pure loneliness to move on to a part of life where you feel as if you can move forward. pure isolated depression...venturing into uncharted territory. life created, one life to caring for another. selfish to selfless.

Grimes & i_o - Violence (Official Video)

Miley Cyrus - Slide Away (Official Video)

I really like this song. i kept avoiding watching it because i thought it would be a boring ballad. anyways..i really wanted to do a photoshoot at the pool this summer. that didnt work out. next year i plan on really working out and working on my appearance however.

white blonde or lavender hair

im thinking of getting my hair dyed, white blonde or lavender ish.. such as...

Ok, so I have been feeling sort of down because the guy at my work..i saw him sunday at sand bar and he just ignored me. well he was having a bad night but still..whatever. im over it.

so i am going to get some kind of makeover also start working out. running, lose weight. new hair color and more tattoos. another peircing or something, we will see...

new clothes. manicure. so there we go!

how'd it know?

Card 3:   Your fears »

The Devil

You are afraid that it's out of control. You simply cannot resist this passionate attraction. Despite the fact it's addictive and unlikely to be right, you just can't stop yourself.

Whatever it is, a passion for someone who's not good for you, money deals that are too good to be true or any other kind of temptation, try to resist, as it is unlikely to have a positive outcome.

If you're feeling low in self-belief and self-worth and doubt your abilities - don't! Have confidence in yourself - it's not too late to change direction.

edits

i just think these edits are cool there should be an app for it

synchronicities

So, I have had some synchronicities. For example, Seth Green and Breckin Meyer have a new movie out on Prime, Changeland. On their instagram account, they asked everyone to tag their bestie and say a reason why they should pick them for a trip to Thailand, just like the movie! Why, I always wanted to go to Thailand, so I tagged Sherry. The other night, Sherry and I both wore yellow floral dresses. We did not plan that. (there was also a comedian that night who was featured on adult swim or something, robot chicken/seth green adult swim...connection)...that night that comedian said to her, 'give me a kiss on the cheek', and when she went to do that, he turned so she would kiss him on his lips. more on that later...so, during changeland, i see, a woman in a yellow dress!??!?! a yellow FLORAL dress! i was also hanging out with scotti earlier that day, i went to her ultrasound. she has a crush on breckin meyer. he says to seth green, "i even got us MATCHING FLORAL shirts.." like sherry and i and our matching floral yellow dresses!!?!? so later, i was watching something (i forget what it was tho...maybe it was in the movie, i dont remember!?? i also watched the hills)..the same thing happened that happened to sherry about the kiss on the 'cheek' which the guy turned his face and she kisses his lips. that comedian was cute, and so was the other one. so disappointed that i had work saturday or i'd of stayed out, because those comedians ended up hanging out with sherry and her friend that night. DANG...:(((


so yeah...those were synchronicites so it would be super cool to be chosen for that trip to thailand. it really would be! also, there was a guy at the bar who had a weird aaron bleyart vibe to him (i felt like it was set up...idk, i always think stuff like that), who was talking to me and did magic tricks. mike got all jealous or something because i was talkign to him but just now i see a commercial with a guy at the bar and he saw him looking hot in a black leather jacket and that guy had a spade like a card of a magic trick...

that just happened now. 

wednesday

So...Mike wanted me to choose going out with my friends and having fun, also drinking, or him. First of all, Mike messed up a lot of times. Sure, he has made changes, such as the C-pap machine to help his sleep apnea, or going on trips other than gettysburg, but it is more than that. He also complained during Disneyworld, made me feel embarrassed and upset during epcot, he always walks in front of me at restaurants, after the host shows us to the table. guys should let the female walk ahead idk...i mean, lots of things that just add up. plus, he doesnt enjoy the same things i do. he never expressed interest in camping, something i would love to do. its always his plans, always where he wants to go eat. i have good ideas and fun things to do. for a while, i was thinking about jay because everything i suggested, he was openminded too, and he actually enjoyed listening to me. even cooking dinner and chilling and talking, drinking a bit and watching youtube is fun. but with jay, he just never reciprocated. probably because he knew i wasnt attracted to him. hes a great guy, and he has summers off, also is smart and creative...but you know, attraction is key. soooo....mike is comfort because i know him..but he doesnt really know me or try to know me. we dont really DO anything together, if that makes sense. i have a sense of exploration and excitement and adventure, and he doesnt. and he tells me he doesnt want me to go out. why? yeah im not in my 20s anymore, but so what? i like getting dressed up and feeling hot. actually, i have been talking to guys i find attractive..so...that. like i said, i like mischevious blue eyes...anyways..this guy i know looked at my  car and i know him from being out at riverside bar and he has those eyes...so thats kind of cute. i mean, im not thinking anything, just saying...:/

like, i just want to live, start dating again. i want to find someone that i can enjoy time with. someone who IS sexy and makes me feel sexy! 

as i have said before, i am extremely picky and i cant just meet some guy and be interested. i have guys asking me out all the time. i have guys trying to add me on fb all the time, i see mutual friends, i add them, "Hi! Are you single?

"Lets date" blahhh...no. not interested. i think i am attracted to guys who have some sort of superiority to me, not superior, but like..someone who is above me workwise, or like, something like that...or someone who is established in some way. i really dont know but damn..im like, wtf???? i just really want to meet someone and go out. have fun.

mike doesnt want to lose me but its not fair to either of us. 

anyways

oh the guy with the blue eyes i have seen him before and he looked at me with that deviant look. like..i want to fuck you. ahh im being WEIRD!???? of course

cool edits

I love these little animations google will sometime do for me. This should be an app! I look goofy i but these are cool its from earlier in the summer back in june

im watching the new hills right now..i love 'bad blue eyes' like justin bobby HAHA or pamela andersons son...kind of what AP guys eyes are like....anyways!??! hes gone on vacay now  so i havent seen him  but whatever lol.

anyways, going to musikfest tonight. i dont want the summer to end :(((((

so the guy i like...kyle msgd me the night before. i wanted to see him LAST night when i was out with sara and saheed and he told me he was beat and had work...

but i was being weird because he was being so vague now i feel bad. ugh anyways yeah this sucks!!??!?!?!?!?

ok so...i told mike , "I'd like to go camping for my birthday"...and he responded like, 'you forgot about my last 3 birthdays" which was not true at all. then he kept acting like a dick so i was like forget it! Whatever! ?? i dont need him to do anything for me.

i just wish i could meet someone in my life who actually wants to see me happy. someone who would love to take me camping because they want me to feel special and plus they love it too! i mean , geez i am so sick of mike and his negativity. he always has to say things to spoil my mood. i told him my parents want to take my mom and i out for my bday he brings up a few years ago when he was being a pure jerk to me when we all went out to eat with them and my sister and matt. like, he says i was screaming at him no he was being a pure jerk to me. i am so over him!

im also getting over kyle, not like i was really into him because i hardly know him, but whenever he even walks by i just get this overwhelming sense of attraction,...but whatever he doesnt make an effort. 
hooking up with someone is not fun if there is no kind of flirtation or whatever...like, i saw him saturday and he gave sherry and i a ride home and i hooked up with him again, but whatever. 

i need to find a new job...try to meet someone who will respect me and want to make me happy and someone that i feel the same of course attraction is super important. 


im just over this bullshit. mike...this guy kyle. whatever fuck it


also i can join gym and lose weight, hot myself up, confident myself..etc etc do things for myself...whatever! live life right?

enough! im so over this fucking shit. 

thoughts on mario lopez

In hollywood, (as Moss was explaining), you are encouraged to speak your mind, yet..when your thoughts and opinions go against their agenda, you are demonized and forced to apologize. 3 year olds have no idea what they identify as, they are 3. Yes, Lila is 3 and she knows she is a girl. She could say something like she would want to dress like a little boy, but that does not mean the parent should start dressing her up as a boy. Lisa used to want to be a little boy, she cut her hair off and everything, but my parents didnt start dressing her as a boy. Especially do not start a small child on hormone blockers! That is abuse! They can easily change their mind. They are children! Mario Lopez basically just said he feels parents should not go out and transgender their child because they feel like they want to be opposite gender.

I agree with that, once they are older and understand what it is they want, then fine, but not a 3 year old!?? there may be a little boy who wants to wear dresses. fine let him, but dont start him up on hormone blockers. or a girl who wants to dress as a tomboy. i think mario confused gender identity with sexuality..i mean, a kid isnt thinking about sex

but for him saying his THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS, it became this big thing, and of course moss is all over it. then mario apologized and moss was like good he should of! Hollywood will not accept if you have a voice or thought different from theirs.

FUCK HOLLYWOOD!! IDGAF BOUT HOLLYWOOD! Fake hypocrites is what!??! mario lopez didnt even say anything wrong, and moss was comparing what he said to mel gibson or someone else..(i forget). it is dangerous to turn your daughter into a boy because she said she wants to be a boy or vice versa. it can be very traumatic and confusing and once they get older it will affect them. let a kid be a kid thats all. like charlize theron, dressing up her son in dresses all the time.

once the kid is old enough to be like, 'ok this is what i want' then fine. but do not transgender a 3 year old!?? 

anyways...what else...

Boy's Don't Cry - I Wanna Be A Cowboy

Need to make a new playlist. This song also the Bradley Cooper/Lady Gaga song and some more. Miss having playlists. Miss just chillin with friends at my own home..not always out at the bar. I stopped being a bar person in my 20s...for real tho. damnn

TransFormers - EP22: Transvestigation Of [FTM] Adam Levine

havent really been watching tranvestigations lately. got bored...and my channel got a strike but EWW JUST STOP!??!? GIRLS LIKE YOU? WHO? ME? IM A REAL FEMALE THANK GOODNESS!! CELEBRITIES ARE SO WEIRD!??!?



WHAT ELSE..so i used to be like, why all female celebrities look a certain way, have these bone-esque features and what not? its cuz they men also adam levine really does look like a lesbian in his shirtless photos..WOW THO just be you! why do they think they have to transgender them? do these celebrities know they are transgendered as well?? WTF

ASMR IN A LAB (at my work)

This is my kind of ASMR..it makes me wish I worked in a lab all by myself or something..gash danget

I just would like to meet someone who is interested in the same things as I am...such as...grilling, chilling, camping, tubing, swimming, exploring, photography, motorcycles, drinking beer in the cab of a pick up truck, country music, cornfields, 4-wheeling, day trips, airbnb, trips to NYC, stay at the jersey shore house with friends, rock music, rock climbing (idk??), hot air balloon rides, weird nj, youtubing, mukbanging, banging in general, banging outdoors, hot sex, must be hot, i must be super attracted to him like i am to kyle..oh my gosh. so, i never thought much of him, just that i always thought hes cute right? he's ap at my job (asset protection), meaning he overlooks the cameras, stops shoplifting, whatever else he does. hes super cute, blue eyes..anyways, he was at the house a few times but last time he brought me home and....yeah...so now im like, super turned on by him but at the same time, im starting to get over it! like, last week, i saw that he messaged me randomly of fb. cool! ok!??! he trying to get a hold of me? alright..

well i msg him back and he was being really like...not responsive. i sent him a friends request and he deleted it..and i saw him at work and he walked right past me but didnt even look at me. so im just like, ugh . ok well maybe if im out with sara or something at sand bar i will msg him and see if he wants to stop by also whatever..

im not gonna worry about it too much tho. i just really want to meet someone new and exciting, attraction is key and someone who finds me super interesting as well. i get attracted to people i work with because i see them all the time, but if they do not like...do anything to get my attention, im like. whatever..which is why i never thought too much about kyle but after that happened i was like, into him...but he doesnt bother with me so im going to get over him. thats just how i am. and guys dont really hit on me at work..but im busy anyways. i have to remember to bring this guys dvd back...he lent me 'the boy' and i never returned it. yeah i mean, guys have tried to get my attention i suppose..

damnet. it used to be so easy to find a guy to fixate on..nowadays, where!?? and i dont just become attracted to randoms. i have to see them on a consistent basis and feel them out, if they are diggin me and vice versa. not some average dude however. i posted a throwback pic and i have all these guys dm'ing me im like...no! why would i hang out with you? uh no thanks!???!

on another note, i honestly do not want to be with mike anymore. he just does not do it for me...i mean, my cousin sabastien is out here visiting with his son. mike met us at cicis pizza to apologize for being a dick to him last time he was out here, but heres the thing..everytime! it is me and friends or we are with other people, mike will just ramble on about the same topics..its cringe and him and i have no bond or connection. like, we just do not act like a couple.

we do not share our body movements, we do not mirror each other, heck, we dont even talk to each other. its not how a real couple behave , without thinking about it, with each other.

i want to find someone, be with someone and bring them to canada to meet me canadian friends and relatives. mike talks to my relatives, but he is not interested in them BECAUSE they are MY relatives,  get what im saying?

i want to be with someone who wants to LEARN about me and my family. etc and vice versa..so....i just dont feel it with mike. and i know i can be attracted to someone, problem is, i  need to find someone not only i am attracted too, but someone who is actually truly genuinely interested in me. and vice versa.

So, I got approved for monetization...again...for my youtube channel! Which I am excited about, however...due to this very blog, my adsense was banned. Many many years ago, (whenever this blog started)..2010. Thats when a friend and I learned about adsense, Sammi De. we didnt know any better and i got banned from adsense for strange clicks or whatever...i NEVER do that with my youtube channel however. im too embarrassed to share my yt channel on my fb. i really dont want people who know me to find my youtube channel OR my blog!!! so im not telling anyone to click on my videos. i sent an appeal to get my adsense reinstated. we will see. no one reads this blog..well, who knows?

so anyways, i am so turned on by that guy its so freaking weird. ugh i hate this! like..i want to msg him or something. i know a way to get him out of my system tho. he can be my fuckboy. ugh that word sucks HA but then after a while of just doing all the fuck stuff (idk haa)...i will start to get sick of feeling used and i will get turned off by him.

oh whatever im just like....im feelin it BAD!! WHAT THE HELL!??? i want to hang out with him or whatever. even just seeing him for a second i get all flustered.

im a weirdo i know!

you know..there is this guy at my work...and i always thought he was so cute..you know? like really hot to me idk shrug. anyways i had seen him at sand bar and he came over twice. hes the AP at walmart so that means that he watches all the cameras and he stops theft. but..last time, he was at sand bar, and i was super flirting with him and vice versa.and we hooked up. it was really hot now i cant stop thinking about him...ugh wtf!????

oh my gosh i just dont know what to do anymore. im worried too about people knowing..ahh whatever but...i really would like to hang out with him again or something. today he came through my line to purchase cigarettes. didnt know he smokes? i havent felt like this in a while but its this super like,,sense of attraction its so weird and its making me feel weird....

Creepy Uncle Joe Can't Control Himself

we've been talking about that pedophile jeffrey epstein in our group for years. underage girls. they are all pedos. he is friends with trump and the clintons. they knew what was going on. THEY ARE ALL PEDOS. IT IS PART OF WHAT THEY DO. SICK! THIS IS JOE BIDEN WHISPERING ABOUT HOW HARD THAT GIRL IS MAKING HIM. A GIRL!??

I was watching Happy Death Day 2...I got a few more syncs...

so I was wearing my blue fuzzy socks. she killed herself with bleach and she was wearing blue fuzzy socks, same as mine.

at one point, the girl who was pretending to be french spilled over a vase and all the marbles fell out he goes, 'marbles everywhere!'

in the movie it was about multiples of them, sort of mandela effect..so kind of like,,,shrodingers cat? so when he said, MARBLES EVERYWHERE it made me think of marble..and shes a cat! so many of marbles, everywhere!

remember how lori tried to poison her!?? yep they talked about that.

i like when they put familiarity into movies, it feels nice!

I got blackout drunk and did my makeup...again | Katelyn Fitch

another youtuber girl with an adams apple. this is like a thing now, getting 'black out drunk' then trying to do makeup. no way i would be able to do all those shots of whiskey and still act cute and funny on camera. my eyes would get double vision no way. these youtubers do 10 shots and they just get cute and funny. never 'blackout drunk' but who knows

Katy Perry Sandals - The Geli on QVC

i really want katy perry sandals. so cute!

OFFICIAL - Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort in wintertime

this is beautiful! i need to find someone who has a lust for travel..its not going to be mike. its not! im sick of his bad attitude. NO!!!! i love him but no. after florida..i cant!???! I JUST CANT!!

One day in Lapland - Kakslauttanen Vlog 008

id go here on my honeymoon. make love under the northern lights. :D sweet! lol

i better get loads of money some day, cuz heres another place i HAVE TO VISIT!!!

https://mymodernmet.com/glass-igloos-arctic-fox-igloos/?fbclid=IwAR1Dg2ViTWR-qVWSia95saQPF3FgNxkqnmFDRM438hI4zJcoDqPr5dgsOtI

its gorgeous!!! OH MY GOSH!!

-thailand
-europe
-japan

etc etc etc I NEED TO VISIT! sick of LA and Vegas..i want to go to the places that i always dream about! HA

Urbex: Abandoned Cat Lady's House (*WARNING: DEAD ANIMAL SCENE*)

if you want to watch GOOD house tours, with feeling to them (instead of BORING youtube showoffs showing off their perfectly decorated mansions, studio apartments and etcs,.) i really prefer real peoples homes, even better yet, homes from the 80s! imagine being able to step back to another era and breathe in those feelings? feelings do not happen anymore. everything sucks now. i so need to find an adventurous partner in crime tho. someone to go exploring with me, and do fun things...mike is such a duldrum. we arent going to waste time anymore, only thing that makes me anxious is i cant meet anyone anymore. its so weird.

Transvestigation | Transgender | Girls Like Us

so if you type in transvestigations, these kind of videos come up. i wanted to actually hear from true transgendered women and their take on it, seems the one believes it, but for more brainwashing to take place, they generally act like its crazy that for instance, the jen garners and angelina jolies can be mtfs despite them looking similar to these women on this video. and at the end she says we have a problem with transgenders NO we do not have a prob with that the problem IS LYING AND BEING DECEIPTFUL aka hollywood actresses.. yes, to hear that these famous actresses and models are considered the most beautiful women on the planet, (when clearly they are not even true men)..is unhealthy. its unhealthy to REAL females who do not have as stand out features because the skull is different, or no fat or no cellulite because men generally do not get cellulite, or hip dips...BAPHOMET DECEPTION IN HOLLYWOOD!

Senneterre - Loisirs

Hi guys! So, I was watching about the boarding schools in Quebec, but thats depressing. Now..I am looking at videos of SENNETERRE QUEBEC!! framboise!

Brand New Live Video Surfaces before Chicago Teen was found dead in freezer

remember when that girl was found dead in a freezer? this happened last year or so. odd footage. also, someone was drinking a red bull..RED. BULL!! bull/baal..and then the girl did the one eye/666 symbol. i feel this was all a show. btw, something odd is happening in the dominican republic. too many acts of violence, couple dying the SAME WAY!??? like...something is up. i really feel uncomfortable about this. the guy twerks his fingers in a 666 rabbit ears way..devil horns. he lifts the camera to get the poor girl who was later killed...this is targetted individual weird satanic crap...it really is...(still watching)
 he keeps saying 'turn that pappy ringtone off' that ringtone was there to remind us of a horror movie, where they slowly killed people off...that ringtone will resonate in your self conscious, to tell you a sacrifice about to happen

it was a hotel party (R. Kelly..young black girl)..9th floor. sept 9...

the footage of her staggering about the hotel is so disturbing and upsetting. she was definately intoxicated of sorts..not necessarily alcohol..perhaps drug of sort...its so sad to see her stumbling and ending up towards the kitchen with the walk in freezer. where were the workers and why was this not locked up? why did security not step in???

so she was 19...ok so...9th floor, sept 9, 19...999 reverse is 666...numbers show up around foul play.

666 mark of the beast! its not funny tho...just..weird. just very sad and odd. and scary. i have been wasted wandering around...not anymore, but in the past. its a scary thought.


on another note..the mother calls in concerned about her daughter, the guy on phone was so cordial with her. i get they dont want to upset her, but 'have a good day?" that is what i say to customers when im ready to stop talking to them and ring up the next customer.

"have a good day?" her daughter was dead..missing! frozen in a freezer! how you gonna have a good day???

so the video footage shows a perfectly orchestrated plan..

however!!! someone may of intentionally drugged her...suggested her in some mind control way..to go to the freezer area, open a freezer door...and go in it..then die.

something is very supernatural here than. it is very sad RIP kaneeka

I want someone to enjoy summer nights with. I see a lot of airbnbs around here that have full house, pool, patio, grill...lovely!! I just so want someone to enjoy life with. Mike doesn't get me. We really have never truly enjoyed just being with each other. I can't imagine staying with him. I can't do it. I need change. I do not want to be at walmart anymore, I do not want to live in the projects anymore. i just need change!! I want to enjoy this summer too...

oh my gosh i cant think

pleco

shrimp, driftwood,
algae wafers


Feed your pleco fruit and vegetables. Your pleco will enjoy a variety of vegetables, like broccoli, shelled peas, lima beans, kale, celery, cabbage, and zucchini. Though your pleco may enjoy small pieces of cantaloupe, honeydew melon, breadfruit, and papaya, you should avoid providing acidic fruits or veggies, like oranges and tomatoes.^[5]

• Simply wash and slice the fruit or veggies into small pieces to prepare them for your pleco.

i also need a bigger tank! more fish 

fresh plants

I'm pissed

ugh she says she is trying to make plans on how to come back to youtube? the other day she posted a video claiming she was coming off of opiods. yet she has not shown any of the symptoms of withdrawal plus her nonstop mukbangs and shopping videos she would make,during that time? she disabled comments so i cant comment,,but in this video..first of all she looks like bride of frankenstain (SCARY SCREECH)...also, she was trying to find a way to come back? oh by saying you are coming off opiods? because everyone HATES YOU over the avocado thing?? ohkay oh wait..so later..she says YOUTUBE Demonetizes mental illness posts, oh so that is what happened???

Multi-Level Marketing: Opportunity Knocking

been to plenty parties like this..i used to go to ceramics glasses with my mom...ahh. the 80s. what a time. those shiny ceramic things..id love to find those little things again, so sweet...not sure if i went to any tupperware parties..but sex toy parties, doterra, arbonne, avon...i never tried doing them tho. oh yeah also, longaberger basket parties...

this is funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoUCINhY5dw

Arbonne high pressure

I want to make a youtube video about high pressure sales pitching, and joining a team...first it was syndey and miki spies..now its arbonne. angie wants me to join her team. i am not good at high pressure sales tactics. i'm just not the right kind of person..maybe if it was something on my own that i was promoting...but you know...no!

http://greatmindsandthinkers.com/arbonne-and-how-to-lose-friendships/

casey anthony tattoo

Im watching the casey anthony documentary...why is there an all seeing eye by her bella vita tattoo?

its actually oregon forensics..but why the pyramid and eye? its masonic i guess..

it just makes you wonder thats all...like, the parents wore butterflies on their shirt...the dad was accussed of sexually assaulting her as a kid..is she a product of monarch trauma?

im not defending her, but these cases are very odd...

Shortly after I tried to join illuminati on the website, strange things started happening. I would glance people looking at me then they would shake their head when i too note.

but yeah...

WEIRD!?? i was talking to jen about this guy we used to know, AJ ( because i saw our old friend kates baby daddy (( he was ajs roommate)) with their daughter who looks just like her. we havent seen or heard from her in years, since our early 20s, but we always wonder about her. jimmy, ((her ex that wanted to take me out, remember i went to dinner with him but as friends...i dont know? he wanted to take me out shrug)) well anyways, i was talking to jen about kate and AJ and all of a sudden i see a chinese food post, its from AJ...? it was his facebook post. we were just talking about him !? so weird

BROWN PAPER BAGS

ok before i go on...i have to write about how, before i flew to VEGAS and LA..they were talking about lori loughlin going to prison..and her husband mossimo..
so this is what i seen: PRISON LORI MOSS

POISON LORI
MOSS

prison looked like Poison...(yeah i changed this to mimi malibu..not even sure why...? i like that moniker but it doesnt fit me im more a jersey girl..)

ok so....

oh man i have to go to sleep soon..ahh

so...i have a cool hate..from VEGAS when i went with mike. i was watching pen15 today PENIS (veg/vag//) being weird..i have hulu so yeah i am watching PEN15 too. the asian girl is so weird, i always LOL with her. the other girl really resembles darla. i wonder how poor darla is doing now...? but yeah, they did weird things. like the episode i watched today, they stole another classmates thong and they took turns wearing it. i mean, who does that??? so weird! but then i remember when i was in h.s. or 8th grade...yeah. i pretended to be a boy and talk to my sisters friends older sister kelly and lisa pretended to be a boy who was younger for her friend julie. it was so weird!??

and one day they surprise visited and i had to run and hide in the bathroom because i didnt want the jig to be up. i was like, "oh no, im in the bath" it was so weird!??? 

fresh prince of belair was on before we found out they were on their way to meet the boys..

so in vegas, i had this hat. well, during this episode, the white girl had a very similar hat to my vegas hat. it kept playing tricks with me, like...it just felt so familiar..

speaking of familiar, that girl really looks like darla in those screenshots i took from my phone..weird..?? her facebook is gone..darlas is...:/ 

you can see the hats are quite similar tho...

here is another synchronicity. so i am watching a trisha paytas video...in the beginning, she says she is going to NEW JERSEY to see a MICHAEL BOLTON ..CONCERT...24 hours flying there ok? just to see concert..but anyways..

see everytime i fly, the sounds of the plane remind me of lunch bags from school, brown paper bags that contain peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. well, the sounds and vibe that happen before and after the plane land. not while in flight, but that bell sound when the plane is ok to unfasten seatbelt and the sounds..the air, it reminds me of how it would sound inside a BROWN PAPER BAG!??!

so i wrote the weirdest comment, i wrote that in the beginning, when i was still watching her land. so cut to later, 15:15 (i posted it in the comment..) she was talking about popcorn , and she says,....

BROWN PAPER BAG

heres is my screenshot of my comment...

also, BROWN..Lori Brown?

also, it might not just be a synchronicity. it could also be a subliminal plant, planted there for me to take note of...or something...you know?? 

hmm...
i want to make a youtube video talking about this..and i need to post to my synchronicity group..but not now! i need relaxation for sleep.

oh yeah, some red car drove by and right outside of MY HOUSE, someone screamed out the window. not the first time that has happened..suer...idk.