why is it so hard anymore, to just find someone fun to do things with? why does life suck anymore?!!!?? i cant stand this!! i cant breathe! it is GORGEOUS outside, and i have NO ONE to do anything with! well, mike rasely invited me to a picnic/bbq/party on thursday night, for today, but i have not heard from him today...actually, i am supposed to go to my aunt deannas for a picnic anyways. my aunt sook is going to pick me up at 330. yesterday we went to perkins for breakfast then we went to the mall to look for something to wear to the wedding. she bought me this really nice red poncho too. it will look good with a belt as well. so, what else...while i was out mike had msgd me about bringing a pizza over...so later that night he came over with a dominos cheesy bites pizza. that just blew out any dinner ideas out the pool. pizza..ughhh!!
it was not even good. i really think pizza is a very un-creative waste of an event. dinner on a friday night should be an event. we could of got some food, had a cookout....but no...he brought over a pizza before i had any suggestion of doing something. then, since it was so nice out, i said lets take a walk to merril creek.
oh yeah, right away he comes in the house and starts hounding on me, asking me what i did today, and telling me i should clean. who is he, coming in to my house and asking me that. that is none of his business. and it was not dirty, cluttered yes, but the kitchen was clean. no dishes, clean cat box, clean food...
he doesnt come over to say hi or is happy to see me, no..he just brings over a basic pizza and asks if i cleaned up (synch hearc clean on tv)...i didnt complain about the pizza tho...i just was happy he brought it over i guess..
(lime juice, chili powder, siracha, mayo 2 tbsn each for over grilled corn...herbs fish stuffed with herbs and lemon GRILLED)
sorry had to take a note.daym i need an outdoor dinner party all i ever wanted this summer was to enjoy a summer night outdoors, eatig good food etc that is ALL!
that would be better than basic pizza tho...fuckkkkkkkkkk life!!! i hate this! when is my life going to start getting better!??! anyways......
yeah so then, mike flopped on the couch to watch tv. i suggested going to merrill creek to take a walk and he said he doesnt have money. its free tho! no gas takes money
i cant stand this. summers used to be fun and adventurous for me. now i only hang out with my parents.
so i gave up on trying to GO ANYWHERE so we went to watch a movie. i found night of the scarecrow on youtube!!! a scary movie i saw as a kid...(i now need to figure out the movie of the little girl who killed people, she dropped a hairdryer into the bathtub of a mean old lady..it was NOT this movie tho..)...well of course mike falls asleep. i looked out the window and i saw the moonlight illuminating the town. so i told mike, lets go look at the moon!
and we went outside, i went out the front porch and i saw my neighbours across the street, jen and her husband, she was sitting on his lap and they were enjoying the night...so i went inside and went out the back, i didnt want to bother them. how sweet huh? in the meantime, mike starting groaning about going out back...
the moon was illuminating the town and it looked so cool. i said, 'i wish i could just sit outside and enjoy the night' and then mike starts accusing me of bossing him around and telling him what to do. he starting bitching and whining and i had no idea why?!?!
i used to spend summer nights outside, with someone i was dating...just hanging out...yeah drinking a few beers, sitting around a campfire, conversing, laughing joking listening to music...wtf..how did my life ever turn into this tho!? summers used to be magical, now they are tragical...like the fraggicles..
anyways.....i am so sick of him demeaning me...and he is no fun at all! then he was trying to say i want to make myself the victim, but that is what he was doing! he was playing victim because i was the one who always lied and cheated on him!?? whatever that meant...and he wants me to move back in with him!??! he will guilt trip me if i cant move in either i cant afford too!
he fell asleep too during the movie....sigh...
oh yeah, and jay doesnt think he can be friends anymore. kind of selfish, or greedy? i dont know...he wanted to DATE me but that never happened...and then whenever i would ask him to hang out, he would be very distant...so i would hang out with mike. i hate being alone. i mean, its so depressing. i just want some good friends or someone that really, truly cares about me.
it seems like i do something wrong..all the time. i mean, i see how i look and talk and how i am on youtube videos, and i am sort of this..gosh awful person! whatever!??
and now i cant even like, leave! run away! i am stuck here!!! i need to get off sasi.
i need to get a job tho and just keep occupied and busy all these times..i cant breathe tho.!!
