the dr just called and left a msg (but it was no caller id so i did not answer it) she says that my bloodwork has gotten worse!?? i have been taking my medication as instructed...50 mcg. she is getting me too worried. i have no idea what is going on now? am i going to die because that is how she is making me feel. i have went months without taking my meds and i was able to survive. i fucking dont know!??! maybe i need another blood transfusion!?? how much bloodwork am i going to get? my veins are not giving up blood anymore!!??! maybe because.......i have no idea!?? i just dont!??! i had bloodwork done yesterday, right? yeah!!??! monday!!?? maybe because i drank and got fucked up on saturday!?? i cant see clearly tho. i think my contact lenses are too strong!! i need a good pair of glasses.
i also am getting sick of being around people, but i am in panic mode.
i have no idea what to do anymore! i need a job, but i want a job where it is just a simple job. i dont want to work somewhere where i am going to feel paranoid!
what should i do!???????????????
i dont know anymore!!?? i think im going to get a string of panic attacks or something!! that is how i feel!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant SEE CLEARLY!
its like i see crossed when i look farther than the laptops.
so i need to go back to the hospital now
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
since the other night (WORK) i havent really had a chance to CHILLAX!!! i have been around people and i am feeling paranoid. i need a break from people! and now family is here! all i wanted to do today was take care of the bloodwork, and go get ps4 and just...thats it but i got stuck visiting family. my hair is disgusting ok? i have split ends! i need it trimmed. i need it straightened or curled, a perm or highlights. i need to do my makeup. i need to put on a nice outfit. i felt disgusting as heck! all i wanted to do was get the ps 4 up an running.
i guess i should go to bed. they want me to visit kim tomorrow.
i ate so much junker food. i got that game grand theft auto but i felt like i shouldnt be playing. oh my gosh so many curse words! i just want simple old fashioned video games really. i dont want to be a part of brainwashed flesh bags...um..YAWN
went to home goods (blah_ and hobby lobby (YAH!) lots of good stuff at hobby lobby! i cant wait oh yeah i need a job because i love having a paycheck!!!
so moss really wants me to head out i dont know tho? april likes shooter jennings tho...she wants to go.
oh yeah forgot to mention that weston kept making me at those summer sausages and this really good snacker it was prosciutto wrapped cream cheese and pickle...or rather, pickle ..um.........idk maybe i go to bed.
i have to wake up early tomorrow.
i guess.........but i dont feel like going.....:(
and what about new years? if i am busy all day tomorrow how am i supposed to figure out plans for new years?
why did relatives have to visit now? no time to think! lobster is always good! i love lobster! but mike wants to do something too, but he never makes plans...so with mike its just gonna be another lamer.
whatever i cant think. guess i should go to sleep, to wake up early and be stuck um....im not sure if i want to go to the shore tomorrow tho. just no reason to go to the beach!??! i would like to see kims new house.
im going to sleep
i guess i should go to bed. they want me to visit kim tomorrow.
i ate so much junker food. i got that game grand theft auto but i felt like i shouldnt be playing. oh my gosh so many curse words! i just want simple old fashioned video games really. i dont want to be a part of brainwashed flesh bags...um..YAWN
went to home goods (blah_ and hobby lobby (YAH!) lots of good stuff at hobby lobby! i cant wait oh yeah i need a job because i love having a paycheck!!!
so moss really wants me to head out i dont know tho? april likes shooter jennings tho...she wants to go.
oh yeah forgot to mention that weston kept making me at those summer sausages and this really good snacker it was prosciutto wrapped cream cheese and pickle...or rather, pickle ..um.........idk maybe i go to bed.
i have to wake up early tomorrow.
i guess.........but i dont feel like going.....:(
and what about new years? if i am busy all day tomorrow how am i supposed to figure out plans for new years?
why did relatives have to visit now? no time to think! lobster is always good! i love lobster! but mike wants to do something too, but he never makes plans...so with mike its just gonna be another lamer.
whatever i cant think. guess i should go to sleep, to wake up early and be stuck um....im not sure if i want to go to the shore tomorrow tho. just no reason to go to the beach!??! i would like to see kims new house.
im going to sleep
Sunday, December 28, 2014
wow is this a hangover? i mean.........i feel so odd....like spinny and tired. i am making sure to take my pills everyday tho.
hmm anyways...
http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/breaking-news/index.ssf/2014/12/former_easton_football_star_ar.html
this guy ran muscle maker grill. we ate there and it was not that great. it was good healthy food. i posted it and that was what made lisa upset about posting about 'gourmet food' ha!
i do need a good job tho! i like having steady income!!!! i can save money! work!
yawn!!
but yeah, its that crazy! they knew him too...that guy and why did he have so many weapons!???! geez!
hmm anyways...
http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/breaking-news/index.ssf/2014/12/former_easton_football_star_ar.html
this guy ran muscle maker grill. we ate there and it was not that great. it was good healthy food. i posted it and that was what made lisa upset about posting about 'gourmet food' ha!
i do need a good job tho! i like having steady income!!!! i can save money! work!
yawn!!
but yeah, its that crazy! they knew him too...that guy and why did he have so many weapons!???! geez!
so, i worked yesterday at mens. it went by quick. a few strangeties but i dont care. check went through. i want a saturday i want to be able to do stuff (work out) shop etc during the day.......and then take a shower, do my hair, have fun with makeup, nice outfit, and go out! go to somewhere good for dinner or whatever!??! if i check out tilted kilt, it would make me want to dress up that way! i used to like dressing up school girly...i just need to wear my push up bra plus get dow to 120 lbs. i can still look and act ver youthfu tho. anyways, i am so out of it. i got out of work at 915...and i drove home. my cds dont work >:( erghh i want to have a haircut tooi just want it nice and shiny and a few fake extensions to clip on as well as highlights. i need my ears peirced and fill in my eyebrows well. maybe fake eyelashes. good rings, more leggings...good pair of glasses. (i keep seeing double..i think its too strong for me) so, i got a 12 pack of pabst last night. i guess i drank 6 beers, well, we went to westons to watch the interview...we didnt pay too much attention to it.
apparently the owner of the muscle maker grill in easton the owneer got caught with A LOT of weed and cocaine an methamphetamines! and guns an ammo!!
how freaking crazy is that!??!
oh i was to do victory rolls...
so...........i will post that article. i hardly drink i might have 4 beers
i cant see cleraly its CROSSED!!! too strong!
idk weston gave me some pills i dont know what it was it might of been valiums...we didnt stay up late but he gave me two. i just took them i dont know why>
so soon after we finsihed watching the interview and mike kept falling asleep so we went home. i just went to bed too i was out of it. i woke up to mike trying to pull my pants down (idk!??!) in my dream i felt like he kept doing that but to so many different people.........so we woke up had sex......sorry tmi i know)...but then we both just fell asleep..(maybe it was XTC too because they were talking about it idk!???)
whatever it was, i got up to use the bathroom and i felt like i could not walk straight. my sense of composure was all over the place,,my balance was all off..like my eqilibrian was off. i did take a shower and we went to hibachi (i payed) and........i was still weird when we came back watch rest of game i fell asleep again then watched 'the ref' but still my eyesight its not back to normal. its almnost 9pm. i really want to go out for fries last night and play some nintendo mario brothers (mike has it).......and today go see night at the museum.
my relatvies are back visiting UGHHH
i want to buy the ps4 but not tonight. im not feeling normal!?!?
apparently the owner of the muscle maker grill in easton the owneer got caught with A LOT of weed and cocaine an methamphetamines! and guns an ammo!!
how freaking crazy is that!??!
oh i was to do victory rolls...
so...........i will post that article. i hardly drink i might have 4 beers
i cant see cleraly its CROSSED!!! too strong!
idk weston gave me some pills i dont know what it was it might of been valiums...we didnt stay up late but he gave me two. i just took them i dont know why>
so soon after we finsihed watching the interview and mike kept falling asleep so we went home. i just went to bed too i was out of it. i woke up to mike trying to pull my pants down (idk!??!) in my dream i felt like he kept doing that but to so many different people.........so we woke up had sex......sorry tmi i know)...but then we both just fell asleep..(maybe it was XTC too because they were talking about it idk!???)
whatever it was, i got up to use the bathroom and i felt like i could not walk straight. my sense of composure was all over the place,,my balance was all off..like my eqilibrian was off. i did take a shower and we went to hibachi (i payed) and........i was still weird when we came back watch rest of game i fell asleep again then watched 'the ref' but still my eyesight its not back to normal. its almnost 9pm. i really want to go out for fries last night and play some nintendo mario brothers (mike has it).......and today go see night at the museum.
my relatvies are back visiting UGHHH
i want to buy the ps4 but not tonight. im not feeling normal!?!?
Saturday, December 27, 2014
writing exercise
"Goodness", Sheila Delilah whimpered as she heard the neighbours extremely loud vaccuum sucking out dust bunnies from some old carpet next door to the 'half a house' they shared.
"Now, that is the LOUDEST damn vaccuum I have ever heard!"
How loud can people be?, she asked herself as she kept on hearing bumping and shifting around next door.. Even their mumbling voices managed to waft on through the walls, annoying her ear holes as she tried to make light of it.
'I really need to get away,' Sheila Delilah thought to herself. 'This is becoming unbearable. One might even say, this is unbearably unbecoming!"
Round two of the loudest vaccuum cleaner ever known started again, along with bumping and grinding.
"Why is it so hard to just buy a newer vaccuum?"
She shook her head as she attempted to slip back into her yoga mindset. They sounded done with vaccuming. She tried to slip back into her meditative state, but her mind kept asking herself, 'we live in the same house...so why do I feel like I am in a different world from those people?"
Sheila Delilah lived in a neat, tidy, sparse house...it was very eco-friendly, and clean. She had a vaccuum and it was a lightweight, quiet vaccuum.
Her neighbours lived in clutter, or so she imagined. They spoke in tones that muffled and reverberated throughout the walls, other than bringing the pitch to an even, medium tone.
Sheila Delilah had taken another deep breath as she tried to connect her breathing to her heart rate, but all those obnoxious sounds brought her heart rate up to a more contempo beat, and her breathing was now all ajar.
"Oh, whatever! I need a drink!" as she ended up getting up to her wine fixins.
She had taken a long, vigourous sip of white wine, swishing it a bit within her chipmunk cheeks, staring at a bonsai plant for some sort of composure. She felt tension relieve her, and her previous worries about waiting for another loud pulse of sounds and noises had somewhat relegated away with the pinot.
"Now, that is the LOUDEST damn vaccuum I have ever heard!"
How loud can people be?, she asked herself as she kept on hearing bumping and shifting around next door.. Even their mumbling voices managed to waft on through the walls, annoying her ear holes as she tried to make light of it.
'I really need to get away,' Sheila Delilah thought to herself. 'This is becoming unbearable. One might even say, this is unbearably unbecoming!"
Round two of the loudest vaccuum cleaner ever known started again, along with bumping and grinding.
"Why is it so hard to just buy a newer vaccuum?"
She shook her head as she attempted to slip back into her yoga mindset. They sounded done with vaccuming. She tried to slip back into her meditative state, but her mind kept asking herself, 'we live in the same house...so why do I feel like I am in a different world from those people?"
Sheila Delilah lived in a neat, tidy, sparse house...it was very eco-friendly, and clean. She had a vaccuum and it was a lightweight, quiet vaccuum.
Her neighbours lived in clutter, or so she imagined. They spoke in tones that muffled and reverberated throughout the walls, other than bringing the pitch to an even, medium tone.
Sheila Delilah had taken another deep breath as she tried to connect her breathing to her heart rate, but all those obnoxious sounds brought her heart rate up to a more contempo beat, and her breathing was now all ajar.
"Oh, whatever! I need a drink!" as she ended up getting up to her wine fixins.
She had taken a long, vigourous sip of white wine, swishing it a bit within her chipmunk cheeks, staring at a bonsai plant for some sort of composure. She felt tension relieve her, and her previous worries about waiting for another loud pulse of sounds and noises had somewhat relegated away with the pinot.
Dakota Johnson looks like Haley
Haley on American Dad
Dakota Johnson
ok, so the reason why i know who this plain, boring looking person is is because i see who the actress of 50 shades of grey will be from the internet (did that sentence make sense?)
um..no it didnt!?? i dont know who dakota johnson is, well, i do because of the internet. she will be playing the main girl from that franchise book that bored housewives read 3 years ago...
i saw a few pics of her and she doesnt seem to stand out at all, but nonetheless she does sort of remind me of haley from american dad.
i google imaged her and i thought to myself, 'maybe she is one of those actresses that you just get used too, after seeing her in a movie" you know?
at first she doesnt look relatable, she doesnt feel relatable...she is just...there. she has the features most actresses do, but tossed on to her face and sticks there.
a real looking person, who speaks like a real person, can never be an 'actrezz'.
i woke up and turned on the tv and it was reelz, and they were like, interviewing all the actors from upcoming movies, such as 'into the woods' and annie. so, meryl streep is so dignified, but while being interviewed, she speaks through her nose and says, 'ya know?" and um alot. i always liked her, well, from the river wild.
they interviewed 'jessica chastain'....my..what a priveledged dignified actrezz! but...who is she!??! me no know!??!
GROSS it smells like a soggy cigarette in here!
i really want my own place!!!!!!!! i NEED my own apartment! or house! i want to start eating a colorful array of fruits veggies and proteins. no more beige foods!
heres some pics tho, of haley and dakota...
(ive been meaning to do this post for a huwhile tho)
.jpg)
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i dont know, i mean, she is young but looks old....like, will she ever turn into someone appealing? because to me she seems like a forgettable person (she is melanie griffith and don johnsons 21 year old baby)
LOL ugh smh...i know im nothing special who am i to talk? im just passing the time. i need a saturday OFF i am just sick of working on weekends. i want to actually enjoy a weekend before my fucking house arrest bullshit! also i need a job. perhaps it would be smarter to find a JOB instead of prancing off to LA/las vegas for almost 3 weeks again. i do enjoy heading out there, but without money or style...pssh forget it! ya know?
at least if i find a job then i will have something to do! plus i like having weekly paychecks! i think im going to pass this time, on heading out there. i just need to think for myself for a fucking change!!!!
oh haley is a MIND CONTROLLED CIA ASSET she is a sleeper agent with trigger words
http://www.tv.com/shows/american-dad/forums/trigger-word-10256-875705/
Dakota Johnson
ok, so the reason why i know who this plain, boring looking person is is because i see who the actress of 50 shades of grey will be from the internet (did that sentence make sense?)
um..no it didnt!?? i dont know who dakota johnson is, well, i do because of the internet. she will be playing the main girl from that franchise book that bored housewives read 3 years ago...
i saw a few pics of her and she doesnt seem to stand out at all, but nonetheless she does sort of remind me of haley from american dad.
i google imaged her and i thought to myself, 'maybe she is one of those actresses that you just get used too, after seeing her in a movie" you know?
at first she doesnt look relatable, she doesnt feel relatable...she is just...there. she has the features most actresses do, but tossed on to her face and sticks there.
a real looking person, who speaks like a real person, can never be an 'actrezz'.
i woke up and turned on the tv and it was reelz, and they were like, interviewing all the actors from upcoming movies, such as 'into the woods' and annie. so, meryl streep is so dignified, but while being interviewed, she speaks through her nose and says, 'ya know?" and um alot. i always liked her, well, from the river wild.
they interviewed 'jessica chastain'....my..what a priveledged dignified actrezz! but...who is she!??! me no know!??!
GROSS it smells like a soggy cigarette in here!
i really want my own place!!!!!!!! i NEED my own apartment! or house! i want to start eating a colorful array of fruits veggies and proteins. no more beige foods!
heres some pics tho, of haley and dakota...
(ive been meaning to do this post for a huwhile tho)
 |
| she is also mind controlled |
i dont know, i mean, she is young but looks old....like, will she ever turn into someone appealing? because to me she seems like a forgettable person (she is melanie griffith and don johnsons 21 year old baby)
LOL ugh smh...i know im nothing special who am i to talk? im just passing the time. i need a saturday OFF i am just sick of working on weekends. i want to actually enjoy a weekend before my fucking house arrest bullshit! also i need a job. perhaps it would be smarter to find a JOB instead of prancing off to LA/las vegas for almost 3 weeks again. i do enjoy heading out there, but without money or style...pssh forget it! ya know?
at least if i find a job then i will have something to do! plus i like having weekly paychecks! i think im going to pass this time, on heading out there. i just need to think for myself for a fucking change!!!!
oh haley is a MIND CONTROLLED CIA ASSET she is a sleeper agent with trigger words
http://www.tv.com/shows/american-dad/forums/trigger-word-10256-875705/
hey i am back!!!! i dont know, its almost 2 am!??! i tried to watch the interview...but this internet connection is so slow. it just is too slow for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 buffering and stuff.
so i have a few ideas! i do have another invention idea. seriously tho! this is a good idea, but i am not going to share it here. but yeah, i also have other ideas too......GOOD IDEAS!!
and story ideas! yup mm hmmmmmmmmmmm
i want to make a youtube tutorial. each time i work in kids, i see hammonds chocolate bars. they used to have 'pigs n tators' but they sold out. its a bar with bacon and potato chips. i want to try it and make a video of it! not a tutorial, a review lol! they also have p b and j sandwiches! which i want to try as well!!!
i also still want to try the wasabi chips by lays (do they still have it tho?) maybe on amazon!??!
oh heres some ideas on how i want my hair!!
spiral curls
ombre (like kylie jenners)
(meh its 2 am )
so i have a few ideas! i do have another invention idea. seriously tho! this is a good idea, but i am not going to share it here. but yeah, i also have other ideas too......GOOD IDEAS!!
and story ideas! yup mm hmmmmmmmmmmm
i want to make a youtube tutorial. each time i work in kids, i see hammonds chocolate bars. they used to have 'pigs n tators' but they sold out. its a bar with bacon and potato chips. i want to try it and make a video of it! not a tutorial, a review lol! they also have p b and j sandwiches! which i want to try as well!!!
i also still want to try the wasabi chips by lays (do they still have it tho?) maybe on amazon!??!
oh heres some ideas on how i want my hair!!
spiral curls
ombre (like kylie jenners)
(meh its 2 am )
tired
i am tired, but i am also feeling better. im not sure if it has to do with the meds or what, or maybe that i had gotten my paycheck today? i mean, i am happy getting some means of an income. i just wish i didnt have to deal with this dui shit. i just want to do good in life. thats all! i feel like i am losing weight! i want to be healthy and lose weight because i look and feel much sexier! i look fine when i am thinner.......um...but yeah i also need a new hairstyle. i am hungry. i like rye toast..or toast dipped in porridge. i like that word, porridge! i want to start mall walking too that means going to the mall early in the morning and fast walk in the hallways. and eat more healthy! how should i do my hair? i want to like......cut it, and maybe highlights or a perm or something?
oh great. guess what. ughhhh...we have company. again. aunt sally aunt joyce april and mary and caleb...i think. its fine, but they always visit. its like...i just need a break! and do my own thing. i dont want to worry about family anymore! its not fair!
im always around my parents.
tonight i sort of felt like going out...i havent went out and actually enjoyed myself in so long!??!
its like, i want to go out, have fun, dance you know!?! its boring hanging out with mike. he just...i dont like being treated like shit. and he gets tired and goes to sleep and i dont like staying up and drinking by myself and hanging out online by myself,
i sometimes hang out with jay but i dont know, i want to go out! i just want to joke around! flirt! dance have fun!!???! jay is not my type either. hes nice and i do like hanging out with him i just am not attracted to him.
or not whatever!?? jay is always with gibby gabby. gibby gabby and i are going to watch some movies now.
a lot of guys are just BORING tho!?!? the last guy i hung out with that i was actually ATTRACTED to was john the tsa guy who is now a cop but actually he started acting jerky.....i mean, hes ok, but he was kind of weird if ya know what i mean???
like...hmm...........he wanted me to hook up with his friends and stuff..if they were hot than yeah maybe otherwise im not into it!??! ya know?!?
what the f!?? so i worked tonight and also tomorrow night.
i must sleep soon tho. i is tired. i need to take a shower. i work 515-915 tomorrow night.
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
oh great. guess what. ughhhh...we have company. again. aunt sally aunt joyce april and mary and caleb...i think. its fine, but they always visit. its like...i just need a break! and do my own thing. i dont want to worry about family anymore! its not fair!
im always around my parents.
tonight i sort of felt like going out...i havent went out and actually enjoyed myself in so long!??!
its like, i want to go out, have fun, dance you know!?! its boring hanging out with mike. he just...i dont like being treated like shit. and he gets tired and goes to sleep and i dont like staying up and drinking by myself and hanging out online by myself,
i sometimes hang out with jay but i dont know, i want to go out! i just want to joke around! flirt! dance have fun!!???! jay is not my type either. hes nice and i do like hanging out with him i just am not attracted to him.
or not whatever!?? jay is always with gibby gabby. gibby gabby and i are going to watch some movies now.
a lot of guys are just BORING tho!?!? the last guy i hung out with that i was actually ATTRACTED to was john the tsa guy who is now a cop but actually he started acting jerky.....i mean, hes ok, but he was kind of weird if ya know what i mean???
like...hmm...........he wanted me to hook up with his friends and stuff..if they were hot than yeah maybe otherwise im not into it!??! ya know?!?
what the f!?? so i worked tonight and also tomorrow night.
i must sleep soon tho. i is tired. i need to take a shower. i work 515-915 tomorrow night.
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Friday, December 26, 2014
WHO LAWRY WHO!??!
Hello! So.......I am getting kind of nervous...you know...well, i do have to work tonight. 6-10 (at least not midnight)...so lets see.........lets SEE!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!! moss keeps bothering me about january. he really has no qualms with asking me to head out there again!?? why tho? i have no money.
here is the thing........i know how it is like when i go out there! i already know! i fly out (this time he will pay for the ticket ROUNDTRIP!).......ok? go out there......'try' to get into some golden globe parties. try being the key word here.
and i dont care about las vegas, shooter jennings concert, or the AVNs.......
plus, i told him...i dont want to be harassed or bothered anymore. i just dont. i just dont want to be bothered by the weirdos, sheep, cattle, puppets, wackjobs, satanic, nightmare street theater, improv jerks, dollies, crazies, assholes, goyim, targetter bullshit artists ok? i just dont!! just get away from me!
wtf!??!
then moss says WHO!?? i told him, i dont want to be harassed by anyone. "WHO LORI" im like, you were there with me?
for example the jerk who cut in front of me just like the yelp review i read, stank like beer, and just being a loser. or that raggedy anne and andy fused at the hip collage, or the jerk who pushed me and said the same thing moss told me to do in the car ('tell him that you are getting to your spouse") even another guy did the same thing!???!
or the nightmare street theater jerry springer dopes at the rainbow...giving us a free show, using moss and ron jeremy as little pawns in their street theater performance, at the same time, trying to fuck with me.
i just am not up to it. and how i deal with it at work. plus i have no money...
no moss just......forget it this time...and about shooter jennings, yes he dad was part of the day the music died crew, but honestly, am i going to even have a chance to tell him about it? no!? all that will happen is perhaps a photo op and me standing next to moss telling him information that moss read about. who cares?
and the fact that moss is like WHO LORI!??!
oh that weird woman who sat next to us during the ron white comedy act, who was an improv comedienne herself, channeling her inner molly shannon.
WHO LORI!? WHO??
yeah!?? you saw it too moss.
also im gross ugly no style fat disgusting,, if i go to parties not only will i be around beautiful styled out actresses but also sexy fake ass porn stars as well!??
ya know? im an ugly josie grossy!!
here is the thing........i know how it is like when i go out there! i already know! i fly out (this time he will pay for the ticket ROUNDTRIP!).......ok? go out there......'try' to get into some golden globe parties. try being the key word here.
and i dont care about las vegas, shooter jennings concert, or the AVNs.......
plus, i told him...i dont want to be harassed or bothered anymore. i just dont. i just dont want to be bothered by the weirdos, sheep, cattle, puppets, wackjobs, satanic, nightmare street theater, improv jerks, dollies, crazies, assholes, goyim, targetter bullshit artists ok? i just dont!! just get away from me!
wtf!??!
then moss says WHO!?? i told him, i dont want to be harassed by anyone. "WHO LORI" im like, you were there with me?
for example the jerk who cut in front of me just like the yelp review i read, stank like beer, and just being a loser. or that raggedy anne and andy fused at the hip collage, or the jerk who pushed me and said the same thing moss told me to do in the car ('tell him that you are getting to your spouse") even another guy did the same thing!???!
or the nightmare street theater jerry springer dopes at the rainbow...giving us a free show, using moss and ron jeremy as little pawns in their street theater performance, at the same time, trying to fuck with me.
i just am not up to it. and how i deal with it at work. plus i have no money...
no moss just......forget it this time...and about shooter jennings, yes he dad was part of the day the music died crew, but honestly, am i going to even have a chance to tell him about it? no!? all that will happen is perhaps a photo op and me standing next to moss telling him information that moss read about. who cares?
and the fact that moss is like WHO LORI!??!
oh that weird woman who sat next to us during the ron white comedy act, who was an improv comedienne herself, channeling her inner molly shannon.
WHO LORI!? WHO??
yeah!?? you saw it too moss.
also im gross ugly no style fat disgusting,, if i go to parties not only will i be around beautiful styled out actresses but also sexy fake ass porn stars as well!??
ya know? im an ugly josie grossy!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
weirdos! weirdos everywhere!
yeah im tired but i am going to find time to blog before i go to sleep. anyways, i had a feeling some hashtag poison WEIRDOS were going to make their appearance at my job tonight. and they did, and it was abundant. first, they actually asked me if i would work tomorrow. i was like, 'i can't! i have been working since the sunday not THIS sunday....but the sunday before! i am so burnt out its not even FUNNY!!!! uh gosh goodness........
im going to just say the weirdness that entailed. so luckily, there was another person with me. it was pretty busy tonight, but it was manageable. (the new megan trainor (??) song is just a consumer nightmare..its being used for target or something, and it makes me think of how much a slave she is.....first of all, ok i just want to say....well, i will leave it as the epitome of this post. so we were busy and then some guy came to my register with a bunch of designer suits and jackets, like michael kors (MK), and calvin klein etc total comes to ovr 1300.00 which he payed with a credit card. some old lady was watching and she was going to let him use a coupon or something. he said no thanks....and left idk.. whatever. i mean, i am at work you know it shouldnt matter but it does when people are just freaking weirdos. sometimes i just get this feeling about certain people ya know? like they sent them...
so, he comes back.......he wanted to return the suits. he said his mom already got the suits soooo....i was like, 'ok' and i returned them. (more clothes to put away despite the traffic)....
so he was off on his way......but than!! than he pops back into the picture with the coats. returns! and some of them were like, locked up with a wire and what not. the leather MK one was...ok!??!
anyways...um...that was just odd......what was the point of that? unless he was just trying to make a point or something....get my attention. people are STRANGE!!
and people making a big deal over coupons.......i tell ya!??! i did try to open an account (for another kissy couple..dude what is the deal with these kissy couples!??!) it didnt open...who knows tho!??! i gave her the discount tho whatevs.....
so another lady comes in, being led by this loud mouth lady...who instructed me on what to do. they come over with heaps...they plop the heaps on the counter. "heres what you are gonna do" the loud mouth instructs me...."she has all this but she just got a 50.00 off ((oh gosh ROLLS EYES))..so you are going to refund her, and ring her up again...to see if the coupon works..
i think these mangled mutts think this up in their spare times, rubbing their hands together as if they are plotting to rule the world with greedy KFC grease...
"we have the tired, FRIED girl refund you, and then by the time she does all that to see if the coupon works, we make her feel paranoid (snorts) and she ends up giving the refund just because, well...she wants us GONE!."
so yeah..thats what happened! and she had a coupon on her phone. it didnt work. i would of given her the 50.00 off but honestly, we did not have the coupon, and when they were trying to distract me by making me feel 'fried out' oh, the woman even used the word fried......'your fried'
i mean, i was going to give her it anyways....until loudmouth heavy set woman told me to LOOK IN THE GARBAGE i said, 'no we rip up the coupons and throw them in the garbage after customer leaves. im thinking ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??!
so she revealed she used to work in retail, so THATS how she knows all the tricks of the trade!??! well no i am NOT going to 'look in the garbage'!!! and the coupon was not reading it.
those women were making me feel sickened tho, i swear. i was feeling a heated layer of disgust wash over me.
so i called management. i just.....whatever im over it! you know, i have NEVER made a big deal over discounts, bargains, or coupons. i just...you know, i pay for things with my bank card. i dont coupon..
i have had people in the past help me by giving me discounts...but i never really worry about them!??! anyways, these people make me think of a bunch of growling, snorting, lil monsters!?? all of em! i mean, when i personally feel like they go to my register because they think they can get over on me.......fuck that! plus i get paranoid like they are sent to me to fuck with me. the lady even said, "game on' like 'the game is ON" like this is part of a game!!??
one girl stole she walked out of the store with stolen merchandise, using her crying baby and a bib. yeah i am going to write it later is like almost 2:30 now
the holidays should not be about trying to sneak bargains and all that. i hate hearing ppl brag about the bargains they manage. deception and manipulation. its disgusting really.
and why do they come to me?
oh i did see our old pastors wife come in with her daughter. they were looking for a michael kors leather jacket. it so happened, that weird guy, remember? returned a michael kors leather jacket...however!! it was a size XXL. at first they wanted me to look up or call to find the right size...in another store. but then i said, 'hi your our old pastors wife..im lori, larry and louise's daughter...' they didnt want me to look for it? maybe they know i blog about how weird i start to feel and didnt want to upset me...or something..
michael kors, (MK)??? or.......it was a message!??! some kind of weird msg because they were part of the church, i mean, yeah you know!??! she said she wasnt going to go to easton (well it was far from where they live)...and the daughter (who is my age...i knew her from being teenagers she always had a cool style) she said that XXL will fit pastor ahh...they are good people.
but um......yah!??! i felt that paranoid feeling creep over with that lady and all........i was thinking, 'did tim and eric send them?" and if so, was some sort of wave of comfort wash over me, blanketing me? because uh ...it didnt!?? i still felt like a demonic presence......like at the rainbow, when he said jerry springer..was i supposed to just smile and shake my head "ooh mama! ooh mama!"
speaking of which..ooh mama! that is how the woman looked like!!!
uh here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb4Xfv6DyJk
i forget.............i am going upstairs UNDER THE COVERS!! IM GOING TO PLAY candy crush before i just go to sleep. do i really have a day off tomorrow???????
hmm........yeah im yawning!!! oh i get credit for attempting to open an account tho. i wonder if the 2.00 will be applied now?
im going to just say the weirdness that entailed. so luckily, there was another person with me. it was pretty busy tonight, but it was manageable. (the new megan trainor (??) song is just a consumer nightmare..its being used for target or something, and it makes me think of how much a slave she is.....first of all, ok i just want to say....well, i will leave it as the epitome of this post. so we were busy and then some guy came to my register with a bunch of designer suits and jackets, like michael kors (MK), and calvin klein etc total comes to ovr 1300.00 which he payed with a credit card. some old lady was watching and she was going to let him use a coupon or something. he said no thanks....and left idk.. whatever. i mean, i am at work you know it shouldnt matter but it does when people are just freaking weirdos. sometimes i just get this feeling about certain people ya know? like they sent them...
so, he comes back.......he wanted to return the suits. he said his mom already got the suits soooo....i was like, 'ok' and i returned them. (more clothes to put away despite the traffic)....
so he was off on his way......but than!! than he pops back into the picture with the coats. returns! and some of them were like, locked up with a wire and what not. the leather MK one was...ok!??!
anyways...um...that was just odd......what was the point of that? unless he was just trying to make a point or something....get my attention. people are STRANGE!!
and people making a big deal over coupons.......i tell ya!??! i did try to open an account (for another kissy couple..dude what is the deal with these kissy couples!??!) it didnt open...who knows tho!??! i gave her the discount tho whatevs.....
so another lady comes in, being led by this loud mouth lady...who instructed me on what to do. they come over with heaps...they plop the heaps on the counter. "heres what you are gonna do" the loud mouth instructs me...."she has all this but she just got a 50.00 off ((oh gosh ROLLS EYES))..so you are going to refund her, and ring her up again...to see if the coupon works..
i think these mangled mutts think this up in their spare times, rubbing their hands together as if they are plotting to rule the world with greedy KFC grease...
"we have the tired, FRIED girl refund you, and then by the time she does all that to see if the coupon works, we make her feel paranoid (snorts) and she ends up giving the refund just because, well...she wants us GONE!."
so yeah..thats what happened! and she had a coupon on her phone. it didnt work. i would of given her the 50.00 off but honestly, we did not have the coupon, and when they were trying to distract me by making me feel 'fried out' oh, the woman even used the word fried......'your fried'
i mean, i was going to give her it anyways....until loudmouth heavy set woman told me to LOOK IN THE GARBAGE i said, 'no we rip up the coupons and throw them in the garbage after customer leaves. im thinking ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??!
so she revealed she used to work in retail, so THATS how she knows all the tricks of the trade!??! well no i am NOT going to 'look in the garbage'!!! and the coupon was not reading it.
those women were making me feel sickened tho, i swear. i was feeling a heated layer of disgust wash over me.
so i called management. i just.....whatever im over it! you know, i have NEVER made a big deal over discounts, bargains, or coupons. i just...you know, i pay for things with my bank card. i dont coupon..
i have had people in the past help me by giving me discounts...but i never really worry about them!??! anyways, these people make me think of a bunch of growling, snorting, lil monsters!?? all of em! i mean, when i personally feel like they go to my register because they think they can get over on me.......fuck that! plus i get paranoid like they are sent to me to fuck with me. the lady even said, "game on' like 'the game is ON" like this is part of a game!!??
one girl stole she walked out of the store with stolen merchandise, using her crying baby and a bib. yeah i am going to write it later is like almost 2:30 now
the holidays should not be about trying to sneak bargains and all that. i hate hearing ppl brag about the bargains they manage. deception and manipulation. its disgusting really.
and why do they come to me?
oh i did see our old pastors wife come in with her daughter. they were looking for a michael kors leather jacket. it so happened, that weird guy, remember? returned a michael kors leather jacket...however!! it was a size XXL. at first they wanted me to look up or call to find the right size...in another store. but then i said, 'hi your our old pastors wife..im lori, larry and louise's daughter...' they didnt want me to look for it? maybe they know i blog about how weird i start to feel and didnt want to upset me...or something..
michael kors, (MK)??? or.......it was a message!??! some kind of weird msg because they were part of the church, i mean, yeah you know!??! she said she wasnt going to go to easton (well it was far from where they live)...and the daughter (who is my age...i knew her from being teenagers she always had a cool style) she said that XXL will fit pastor ahh...they are good people.
but um......yah!??! i felt that paranoid feeling creep over with that lady and all........i was thinking, 'did tim and eric send them?" and if so, was some sort of wave of comfort wash over me, blanketing me? because uh ...it didnt!?? i still felt like a demonic presence......like at the rainbow, when he said jerry springer..was i supposed to just smile and shake my head "ooh mama! ooh mama!"
speaking of which..ooh mama! that is how the woman looked like!!!
uh here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb4Xfv6DyJk
i forget.............i am going upstairs UNDER THE COVERS!! IM GOING TO PLAY candy crush before i just go to sleep. do i really have a day off tomorrow???????
hmm........yeah im yawning!!! oh i get credit for attempting to open an account tho. i wonder if the 2.00 will be applied now?
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
stressed at work
i have to work today, (ughhh!!!), a long day too!! i mean, i have been working for the past...idk...this is my 9th day in a row tho!? i just..i am over it! i mean, last night i had an anxiety attack! i just could not deal! i figured, 4 hours in the mens department would be fine..mens usually is slow and 4 hours is not bad...and it was ok. i felt a little bit of a wave of disgust come over me when customers would approach the counter, but for the most part it was normal transactions...
except......i saw a lady, come to the register with bulks of clothes in a cart.
i couldnt even bring myself to a fake smile. she had coupons. i felt like i was being suffocated under that pile of clothes. it was starting to boil.
she was nice enough, but a pain! she did not want to use all of her credit, pay half and half. well, she did not tell me this right away. she had those coupons...50.00 off a 100.00 purchase, and she also had the 25.00 off a 50.00 purchase. so i always split (or try too), usually i do......i split the transactions so she can use both. ok i will explain something.....'yellow dot' or 'IVP (incredible value)......is the FINAL sale! in no way do these sales allow a coupon to work. unless the coupon is a special which says it. ok? so those coupons are only allowed per one transaction, (not to be used in conjunction with another coupon) also, columbia, levi's, etc..certain brands cannot be used with the coupon, as well as a bunch of other exclusions. it works for regular or regular sales price, again NOT yellow dot or IVP...sigh...so i helped her out fine, but she then told me she had to pay half on her bonton card half cash (on the first purchase)...based off of prior register experience i have, i figured i would accept the cash first then her card. so i put 10.00 cash, and i didnt see anything so i put it again, but by that point i could not void it i just had to go through the transaction (the point of no return) luckily she handed me another 10. i recalled her saying she only wanted to spend a certain amount on her card, but my stomach started churning when i saw a line gather...
i could handle it, but still....so she handed me another 10 and it said the remaining balance so i proceeded to put that on the bonton card i swiped in the beginning. it worked!
there was a couple who approached the counter (not in line tho) who was kissing each other and they held a coat.
i started the second transaction this woman had, (using the 25.00 off a 50.00 purchase)...but i knew she was going to split it, this time she had to put some on her card and the rest on her debit card. i just could not think!?? i was standing there, wondering, what should i do? (i never had to do this before).....i mean, i could of punched the amount in, but i just.....i just could not think!???! i tried to call the managers on the phone but no one was answering. i felt so annoyed and aggravated inside...anxiety bubbling.
she told me it was ok to help the kissy couple so i was like, 'are you sure?' and i just wanted them to go away, so i rung up the coat and they said they had a coupon on the phone. email coupon. it rang up as an IVP so i said, 'i dont think it will work because it is an incredible value, meaning it is the final sales price'..but i tried it anyways. i scanned the coupon and sure enough, it did not work. well, they kept insisting it works and i kept trying to explain it to them.
shaking my HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! finally the one manager did come by...
so that little heap of customers were taken care of.....my oh my!!!
later on another lady came by, and she had heaps of clothes and those coupons. i scanned it all but i didnt do them both in seperate transactions i felt fried...really. so i hit store credit card after i scanned 50.00 coupon and she said 'oh i wanted to use the 25.00 off, so i sighed and said, ok i can give you a return.....and we can put it back on your card and i will do it like that, but alot was IVP and yellow dot! which she understood. we settled on returning a gloves for 22.00 (yellow dot) but i was going to give it to her half off....oh i mean, she had 15.00 off..a purchase of whatever..it didnt say?!? i returned the gloves and then i rang her up.......but it wasnt the gloves i returned it was a mens chaps shirt...which was for 24.00. but i rang the gloves up (which were not returned)...i rang that up for half so....half of 22.00...(hm but the chaps shirt was more expensive so she had those credited back to her) the gloves were given 15.00 off good price....anyways i gave the receipts..oh yeah, DURING this transaction the phone rang and it was the other bonton needing me to go look to see if we have a certain brand of columbia in a certain size......before this a woman and her daughter needed me to call bonton easton looking for a size, and this man needed a certain size too but we did not have it at ours he overheard her asking me to look it up and he said, 'oh you can do this?" so i called up easton and they had it. luckily the manager was around and she called for the other guy....but with this last woman who was making a fuss over 2.00, (and i just could not think!??!?) i kept trying to call the manager on the phone and for some reason i could not call out!??! i just....plus the phone kept reminding me that bon ton easton was on hold...i could not breathe! i have been working for 8 days straight, without a day off to regather myself! get a break!!! plus i had to get bloodwork earlier in the day and dr. stone (not her name i forget now dr...ugh shes really nice) but she wanted to talk to me so i ended up sitting and waiting in a drs room for over an hour i also had bloodwork taken from me earlier in the day...
i just....felt like i was going to have an anxiety attack! GO AWAY LADY! I GAVE HER 15.00 OFF A YELLOW DOT TOO!!! so i just got so upset and went to LOOK for someone to help, they were all very nice tho and told me to sit down she brought my purse over and gave my water bottle and was being very nice i told her about my thryoid issues. my heart was beating so fast.....ughh i just could not EVEN!!??! oh btw i was not mean or nasty to the lady i am NEVER nasty to the customers! with that woman, i just could not breathe! normally a manager will come and take care of the issue but no one was answering. and the lady just stood there...and i was like, starting to panic so i started CRYING and i said, 'i have a really bad thryoid problem right now' and i walked away to find a manager, and i found them and i was really upset....so that is what happened.....i never yelled at the customer or got angry. not worth it!
so i went home early.
i still have a full day tonight. i dont know...i just......sigh. i really dont know.........
i can do it, it was just the stress of those coupons that get to me. its not just scan and go, its having to try to configure the best savings a customer can get, (and they all expect it) im tired. im drained. im not queen of the coupons. i dont care at this point. i am at the very end of exhaustion, im not skipper and happy like the start of a new week. i didnt get a rest time. you know? and this will be a long day.......
google bon ton coupons complaints..................mehhhhhhhhhhh
except......i saw a lady, come to the register with bulks of clothes in a cart.
i couldnt even bring myself to a fake smile. she had coupons. i felt like i was being suffocated under that pile of clothes. it was starting to boil.
she was nice enough, but a pain! she did not want to use all of her credit, pay half and half. well, she did not tell me this right away. she had those coupons...50.00 off a 100.00 purchase, and she also had the 25.00 off a 50.00 purchase. so i always split (or try too), usually i do......i split the transactions so she can use both. ok i will explain something.....'yellow dot' or 'IVP (incredible value)......is the FINAL sale! in no way do these sales allow a coupon to work. unless the coupon is a special which says it. ok? so those coupons are only allowed per one transaction, (not to be used in conjunction with another coupon) also, columbia, levi's, etc..certain brands cannot be used with the coupon, as well as a bunch of other exclusions. it works for regular or regular sales price, again NOT yellow dot or IVP...sigh...so i helped her out fine, but she then told me she had to pay half on her bonton card half cash (on the first purchase)...based off of prior register experience i have, i figured i would accept the cash first then her card. so i put 10.00 cash, and i didnt see anything so i put it again, but by that point i could not void it i just had to go through the transaction (the point of no return) luckily she handed me another 10. i recalled her saying she only wanted to spend a certain amount on her card, but my stomach started churning when i saw a line gather...
i could handle it, but still....so she handed me another 10 and it said the remaining balance so i proceeded to put that on the bonton card i swiped in the beginning. it worked!
there was a couple who approached the counter (not in line tho) who was kissing each other and they held a coat.
i started the second transaction this woman had, (using the 25.00 off a 50.00 purchase)...but i knew she was going to split it, this time she had to put some on her card and the rest on her debit card. i just could not think!?? i was standing there, wondering, what should i do? (i never had to do this before).....i mean, i could of punched the amount in, but i just.....i just could not think!???! i tried to call the managers on the phone but no one was answering. i felt so annoyed and aggravated inside...anxiety bubbling.
she told me it was ok to help the kissy couple so i was like, 'are you sure?' and i just wanted them to go away, so i rung up the coat and they said they had a coupon on the phone. email coupon. it rang up as an IVP so i said, 'i dont think it will work because it is an incredible value, meaning it is the final sales price'..but i tried it anyways. i scanned the coupon and sure enough, it did not work. well, they kept insisting it works and i kept trying to explain it to them.
shaking my HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! finally the one manager did come by...
so that little heap of customers were taken care of.....my oh my!!!
later on another lady came by, and she had heaps of clothes and those coupons. i scanned it all but i didnt do them both in seperate transactions i felt fried...really. so i hit store credit card after i scanned 50.00 coupon and she said 'oh i wanted to use the 25.00 off, so i sighed and said, ok i can give you a return.....and we can put it back on your card and i will do it like that, but alot was IVP and yellow dot! which she understood. we settled on returning a gloves for 22.00 (yellow dot) but i was going to give it to her half off....oh i mean, she had 15.00 off..a purchase of whatever..it didnt say?!? i returned the gloves and then i rang her up.......but it wasnt the gloves i returned it was a mens chaps shirt...which was for 24.00. but i rang the gloves up (which were not returned)...i rang that up for half so....half of 22.00...(hm but the chaps shirt was more expensive so she had those credited back to her) the gloves were given 15.00 off good price....anyways i gave the receipts..oh yeah, DURING this transaction the phone rang and it was the other bonton needing me to go look to see if we have a certain brand of columbia in a certain size......before this a woman and her daughter needed me to call bonton easton looking for a size, and this man needed a certain size too but we did not have it at ours he overheard her asking me to look it up and he said, 'oh you can do this?" so i called up easton and they had it. luckily the manager was around and she called for the other guy....but with this last woman who was making a fuss over 2.00, (and i just could not think!??!?) i kept trying to call the manager on the phone and for some reason i could not call out!??! i just....plus the phone kept reminding me that bon ton easton was on hold...i could not breathe! i have been working for 8 days straight, without a day off to regather myself! get a break!!! plus i had to get bloodwork earlier in the day and dr. stone (not her name i forget now dr...ugh shes really nice) but she wanted to talk to me so i ended up sitting and waiting in a drs room for over an hour i also had bloodwork taken from me earlier in the day...
i just....felt like i was going to have an anxiety attack! GO AWAY LADY! I GAVE HER 15.00 OFF A YELLOW DOT TOO!!! so i just got so upset and went to LOOK for someone to help, they were all very nice tho and told me to sit down she brought my purse over and gave my water bottle and was being very nice i told her about my thryoid issues. my heart was beating so fast.....ughh i just could not EVEN!!??! oh btw i was not mean or nasty to the lady i am NEVER nasty to the customers! with that woman, i just could not breathe! normally a manager will come and take care of the issue but no one was answering. and the lady just stood there...and i was like, starting to panic so i started CRYING and i said, 'i have a really bad thryoid problem right now' and i walked away to find a manager, and i found them and i was really upset....so that is what happened.....i never yelled at the customer or got angry. not worth it!
so i went home early.
i still have a full day tonight. i dont know...i just......sigh. i really dont know.........
i can do it, it was just the stress of those coupons that get to me. its not just scan and go, its having to try to configure the best savings a customer can get, (and they all expect it) im tired. im drained. im not queen of the coupons. i dont care at this point. i am at the very end of exhaustion, im not skipper and happy like the start of a new week. i didnt get a rest time. you know? and this will be a long day.......
google bon ton coupons complaints..................mehhhhhhhhhhh
Monday, December 22, 2014
nutrition and stuff
My thryoid levels are going down, which is good. It started out very high (this was this Friday) it was over 700 now it is down to 357 or something. I have just been taking 25 mcgs of levoxythyroxin. I have only been taking it for 4 days too!??! For a while I was taking 100 mcgs of levoxy but I stopped. Now I have to up it to 50 mcgs. I will still need to get drs script sent to the pharmacy for more meds. Good news, I do have medicaid now.
Ok, so nutrition...native americans, well.....in canada, alot of indians have diabetes. I remember as kids, whenever I would go to Canada, we would have so much fun going to the store with a loonie (a canadian coin equal to a dollar. 1 of dollar equals 4 of coin (lol! steve brule) but we would get the best candies, and chips. i love canadian candy, gummies, sours, chocolates, chips etc. even the toast and margarine was so good! and we would drink tang drinks, extra powder. we would have porridge with mounds of brown sugar for flavor. milk with loads of nesquick. skin of french fries with ubiqitous amounts of white vinegar, smothered poutine! no one cared much about nutritious, except for our friend karen. her dad, pierre (who was my parents friend), he was a body builder type obsessed with pink floyd and arnold schwareneggar. they had a gym in the basement. i remember that house. ((walk back in memory time)) memory lane. we used to walk to karens house. well, as kids, my cocoom used to live way back...where the backyard was essentially the woods. oh my gosh just thinking about it is bringing back a different time!! a time where things felt magical for me!
i started watching labyrinth, and heavy metal was the type of music everyone was focused on. metallica, alice cooper, guns n roses...well when i was younger we used to listen to glam metal too i guess you can call it...poison....faster pussycat etc. i dont know what year i will choose to focus on, but i do remember my older cousin natalie...well in the first apartment, it was more close to the woods. the woods were that peel off elm trees, the kind of birk you can draw on. the white kind with little black markings on them. there was some lake too, with a little plane that lands in the water. also, there was mucky muck and rocks, huge rocks, with cat-tails. i remember some french girl wanted to, or she did, try to push me into the mud or something!??!
so.......oh its 530 soon i need to start getting ready for work!!!
geez this will be the 9th day in a row i think!?? or 8th day? idk......i work tomorrow and then a 7 hour day on tuesday...wait.uh.....yeah its monday so tonight then tomorrow THEN finally two days off! (christmas time!) i need to get my mom and dad gifts.......i dont know!?? i cant think. i had to go and get bloodwork then i was sitting around at the clinic again. my neck hurts
what was i saying now? oh only one i know really was karen and her family. she used to eat healthy fruits like apples and snack on carrots and stuff because her dad was healthy and into fitness. their gym was in the basement. it had a certain smell to it, the house did.
you know how houses are. some people live in houses that have a certain smell to it. like ham, or......fur...(from say.....deer heads that they caught hunting) i think that is how karens house smelled because they had a deer head. karen also had certain barbie dolls, like the 'stewardess' barbie.
oh yeah my cousin natalie had 'heavy metal' posters and later i thought she had the coolest style. she had spandexy stuff, shirts with cut-outs, you know , that sort of 80s/madonna punky metal look. i need a day OFF! i dont mind going to work but also........its like i want a break too. i still am tired so im not sure if its because i am running around (drs appts, bloodwork, work) or what.......sigh
i forget!?!?
i want to look and see about aloe juice.
benefits about aloe juice. cuz i have been drinking it.
Ok, so nutrition...native americans, well.....in canada, alot of indians have diabetes. I remember as kids, whenever I would go to Canada, we would have so much fun going to the store with a loonie (a canadian coin equal to a dollar. 1 of dollar equals 4 of coin (lol! steve brule) but we would get the best candies, and chips. i love canadian candy, gummies, sours, chocolates, chips etc. even the toast and margarine was so good! and we would drink tang drinks, extra powder. we would have porridge with mounds of brown sugar for flavor. milk with loads of nesquick. skin of french fries with ubiqitous amounts of white vinegar, smothered poutine! no one cared much about nutritious, except for our friend karen. her dad, pierre (who was my parents friend), he was a body builder type obsessed with pink floyd and arnold schwareneggar. they had a gym in the basement. i remember that house. ((walk back in memory time)) memory lane. we used to walk to karens house. well, as kids, my cocoom used to live way back...where the backyard was essentially the woods. oh my gosh just thinking about it is bringing back a different time!! a time where things felt magical for me!
i started watching labyrinth, and heavy metal was the type of music everyone was focused on. metallica, alice cooper, guns n roses...well when i was younger we used to listen to glam metal too i guess you can call it...poison....faster pussycat etc. i dont know what year i will choose to focus on, but i do remember my older cousin natalie...well in the first apartment, it was more close to the woods. the woods were that peel off elm trees, the kind of birk you can draw on. the white kind with little black markings on them. there was some lake too, with a little plane that lands in the water. also, there was mucky muck and rocks, huge rocks, with cat-tails. i remember some french girl wanted to, or she did, try to push me into the mud or something!??!
so.......oh its 530 soon i need to start getting ready for work!!!
geez this will be the 9th day in a row i think!?? or 8th day? idk......i work tomorrow and then a 7 hour day on tuesday...wait.uh.....yeah its monday so tonight then tomorrow THEN finally two days off! (christmas time!) i need to get my mom and dad gifts.......i dont know!?? i cant think. i had to go and get bloodwork then i was sitting around at the clinic again. my neck hurts
what was i saying now? oh only one i know really was karen and her family. she used to eat healthy fruits like apples and snack on carrots and stuff because her dad was healthy and into fitness. their gym was in the basement. it had a certain smell to it, the house did.
you know how houses are. some people live in houses that have a certain smell to it. like ham, or......fur...(from say.....deer heads that they caught hunting) i think that is how karens house smelled because they had a deer head. karen also had certain barbie dolls, like the 'stewardess' barbie.
oh yeah my cousin natalie had 'heavy metal' posters and later i thought she had the coolest style. she had spandexy stuff, shirts with cut-outs, you know , that sort of 80s/madonna punky metal look. i need a day OFF! i dont mind going to work but also........its like i want a break too. i still am tired so im not sure if its because i am running around (drs appts, bloodwork, work) or what.......sigh
i forget!?!?
i want to look and see about aloe juice.
benefits about aloe juice. cuz i have been drinking it.
HEALTH BENEFITS OF ALOE VERA JUICE
- Aids in the elimination of constipation.
- Aids in digestion and helps with stomachaches and heartburn.
- Helps to regulate blood sugars.
- Detoxifies the body and colon.
- Helps with weight loss by increasing metabolic rate to burn more calories.
- Improves circulation.
- Aids in healing damage to internal tissues.
- Regulates blood pressure.
- Strengthens immune system.
- Retards the growth of cancerous tumors.
- Helps to reduce inflammation.
oh but i noticed the juice may have added sugar. oh kombucha tea has good properties in it as well as kimchi and greek yogurt. good probiotics...or good um....bacterias needed.
but yeah.....i was just saying how most indians do not understand how important it is to eat properly. i remember my cousin literally drinking vinegar (i wrote about it before)......straight up. oh yeah indians like their beer too. any kind of beer i guess!?? i remember filling up our backpacks with labatts 40s and hornets...(i think it tasted like lemonade), drinking it in the dugouts of the baseball field. we would just grab beer and walk around town...or drink in the playgrounds...walking around at night. or just hanging out.....idk
OH so if you are going to drink vinegar, once again...a shot of APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!! before dinner! and follow with a glass of water!!! before or after i used to work out, i would drink a full bottled water.
i used to cook with fresh garlic too.........what happened to me!??! i was doing good! i really got into the healthy lifestyle! now im just like........this!
geez it makes me wonder.......i used to be so creative. in fact, if i had my own office and craft room, i would be making crafts, painting, i would be writing, i would be making stories, animations. fun youtube videos! makeup tutorials!
im just not ready to waste away! im just not!!!
i just want for once to feel like i am happy. even mike just puts me down all the time. thats not healthy. who wants to hang out with people who bring me up. i mean, actually, im older now. i dont really need friends. yes, i do need one or two good girl friends, and yes i do want to meet someone who wants to get married. i just want a family.
i need to get another eye exam too. its just hard to see clearly. i dont want to work tonight. i mean, i do but.....i havent got a day off!!!
i want to get a tattoo. i think next one will be the retro gumball machine on forearm....(i am waiting to get the cool alice/anime girl when i can further afford too)
once i get a good job and weekly paychecks i will start feeling alright with things. i wish i could take a shower but the shower is so weak. this heat sucks too. AHHHHHHHHH i just want my own place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and people that are supportive of me! not including family.
i think mike needs me in his life but he doesnt want to show it. so he tries to keep me down as to not allow me to feel that i am free, and i CAN do what i want!!! he gets mad if i decide to take a trip or something..........but then he never wants to do anything!? i get bored!
BORED!
ugh i just had the worst sandwich ever. i dont think my mom understands nutrition. i mean, i get frustrated when i think about how i was intending to start the year on a good foot and to focus on saving up money and getting my own place. 2014 has not been a good year for me. 2015 is not going to be a good year for me either, neither will the next 5 years. i mean, i just dont know anymore? i can still work, save money. before i go on, i do want to say, i am getting my health back on track. well, i mean, i know how to eat good, and it is not grilled cheese (white bread), whatever kind of cheese it was, and bacon. :( yesterday we had this weird carby pasta thing my mom made, it was spaghetti with baked beans, (??) deli gave her the idea. we also had fish filets but the fish stick kind..and mixed vegetables. we had carby spaghetti the other night. well we had a good salad but my mom had soda out. so i had soda!??! the other night my mom just made a burger...a burger? with some stuff with it, but a burger? no bun or cheese. i hate burgers really.
its just that, when i eat good, i feel good. when i eat bad, i feel bad. when i focus on colorful food, a salad consisting of leafy greens (high in iron) color such as chopped up red peppers, (oh how i miss mushrooms!!! i used to sautee mushrooms with garlic all the time!!) fresh garlic is good for you. i would then chop up fresh parsely and disperse it over the mushrooms. i like fish. fresh fish not that baked fish stick crap. i can go shopping, yes, but there is no room in the fridge. plus.........i have no idea where anything is in the kitchen. we dont have a chopping board. we do but i dont know where it is? i dont know where big plastic bowls are for salads.
i need to start working out too. hmm........anyways......blah
its just that, when i eat good, i feel good. when i eat bad, i feel bad. when i focus on colorful food, a salad consisting of leafy greens (high in iron) color such as chopped up red peppers, (oh how i miss mushrooms!!! i used to sautee mushrooms with garlic all the time!!) fresh garlic is good for you. i would then chop up fresh parsely and disperse it over the mushrooms. i like fish. fresh fish not that baked fish stick crap. i can go shopping, yes, but there is no room in the fridge. plus.........i have no idea where anything is in the kitchen. we dont have a chopping board. we do but i dont know where it is? i dont know where big plastic bowls are for salads.
i need to start working out too. hmm........anyways......blah
i miss modeling. i know that donatelli agency still wants to do a shoot with me, and i would like to be one of the valley beat girls. problem is, i is more poundage now um i gained weight in other words.
so i logged into model mayhem, and it says that they are (hydroxycut) looking for people for their ad campagne. problem is, i have tattoos. im not sure if it matters...but i have a 'weird nj' tattoo as well as a 'squidbillies' tattoo, so..........idk!?? i do need to lose weight tho!??! and i am at the age limit, as well as needing to lose 30 pounds. and it pays good too! but yeah, i do miss modeling. it was fun!
i was thinking, you know...i was being trained to be a spy. i had a top secret security clearance done, and i was going to be trained to listen in on intel and what not. yes, a spy!
i mean...i know i am more interesting then to be succumbed to THIS!!!!! so i need to write!
i WILL DO IT! i have to pee. LOL PEE
so i logged into model mayhem, and it says that they are (hydroxycut) looking for people for their ad campagne. problem is, i have tattoos. im not sure if it matters...but i have a 'weird nj' tattoo as well as a 'squidbillies' tattoo, so..........idk!?? i do need to lose weight tho!??! and i am at the age limit, as well as needing to lose 30 pounds. and it pays good too! but yeah, i do miss modeling. it was fun!
i was thinking, you know...i was being trained to be a spy. i had a top secret security clearance done, and i was going to be trained to listen in on intel and what not. yes, a spy!
i mean...i know i am more interesting then to be succumbed to THIS!!!!! so i need to write!
i WILL DO IT! i have to pee. LOL PEE
Sunday, December 21, 2014
since i also follow mtv on facebook, they posted something about the pizza revolution or year of the pizza...um...katy perry, macauley culkins 'band' even tim and eric with their new 'totinos pizza rolls' ads and what not, well..pizza has been a thing!??! (sync..commercial on tv dominos I NEED PIZZA!) i had gotten my pizza tattoo last year...idk lol. what does this mean tho? miley instagrammed it. she has all of this flowing through her veins?
odd huh?
oh so since i am posting pics..right? i do want to post about kendra remember last week i posted her looking all old and haggard? well on the dirty.com site, that pic showed up?? huh!?? who did dat?? (runs away)
i did dat! im sorry!! it was that pic and it said 'look how old and weathered she looks!"
so next day shes out and about, i guess last saturday she tweeted 'im drunk' then the next morning she posted how 'fresh faced' she looked despite being hungover.
nah kendra, you do not look old and weathered at all! she was also wearing a tracksuit with the year 1978 on it (my birth year) yeah i know! IM OLD! ok? fine!! haha
look here
ham and lamb...
oh so since i am posting pics..right? i do want to post about kendra remember last week i posted her looking all old and haggard? well on the dirty.com site, that pic showed up?? huh!?? who did dat?? (runs away)
i did dat! im sorry!! it was that pic and it said 'look how old and weathered she looks!"
so next day shes out and about, i guess last saturday she tweeted 'im drunk' then the next morning she posted how 'fresh faced' she looked despite being hungover.
nah kendra, you do not look old and weathered at all! she was also wearing a tracksuit with the year 1978 on it (my birth year) yeah i know! IM OLD! ok? fine!! haha
look here
The Interview Official Trailer #2 (2014) - James Franco, Seth Rogen Come...
a few days before all of this interview getting cancelled, TMZ posted something about how the release date will be set for christmas or something. anyways, i clicked and the first comment was ''we are legion expect us' um ok........so the sony hackers might even be 'anonymous'. i mean, i think its a first amendment thing...2nd amendment freedom of speech. fine...the only thing i really noticed was in the previews they wanted to 'poison' kim jung un...if you listen you will hear her say a dose of poison....anyways......check this out:
http://uproxx.com/movies/2014/12/anonymous-north-korea-plan-release-the-interview/
so, well intentioned 'anonymous' are going to tweet out the movie or something!??!
um......we should not have to be afraid to go see a movie, thats all. im hoping this does not lead to some sort of surveillance police state affecting us doing something enjoyable such as going to the movies. and i thought kim jung un liked american movies. shouldnt he think its kind of cool to have a movie about him? guess not if its making fun of him or mocking him...because it is. essentially its a plot on assasinating him with poison.
whats up with dennis rodman tho? is he a beta kitten prostitute? why did they use that song, 'free your mind'? one of the lyrics is 'that doesn't mean that im a prostitute'.
hmm......my mom just told me someone stabbed and killed all of the pastors family rabbits. who does that shit? thats serial killer psychopath stuff.
ill be right back....
oh yeah also....i listened to the howard stern interview with seth and james...and they did say that there are many layers to the movie...meaning? hidden in plain sight type of stuff, (hidden messages/meanings...etc..subliminals/triggers..poison! the usge ((usual...))
http://uproxx.com/movies/2014/12/anonymous-north-korea-plan-release-the-interview/
so, well intentioned 'anonymous' are going to tweet out the movie or something!??!
um......we should not have to be afraid to go see a movie, thats all. im hoping this does not lead to some sort of surveillance police state affecting us doing something enjoyable such as going to the movies. and i thought kim jung un liked american movies. shouldnt he think its kind of cool to have a movie about him? guess not if its making fun of him or mocking him...because it is. essentially its a plot on assasinating him with poison.
whats up with dennis rodman tho? is he a beta kitten prostitute? why did they use that song, 'free your mind'? one of the lyrics is 'that doesn't mean that im a prostitute'.
hmm......my mom just told me someone stabbed and killed all of the pastors family rabbits. who does that shit? thats serial killer psychopath stuff.
ill be right back....
oh yeah also....i listened to the howard stern interview with seth and james...and they did say that there are many layers to the movie...meaning? hidden in plain sight type of stuff, (hidden messages/meanings...etc..subliminals/triggers..poison! the usge ((usual...))
Friday, December 19, 2014
burnt out
so real quick....(since i work again, tomorrow, early in the morning too ughh) i am just going to blog real quick as well. i am so upset about this dui shit. i just want to be hopeful about 2015 but i just cant, especially since i know what is in store. its almost as if i should just lose hope. and moss keeps pushing me about freaking las vegas and all that cheesy stuff. the only reason why i would consider it is because i know i will be getting house arrest.......but then again, i dont have money to go to fucking las vegas and i know how it is going to be! i have other things on my mind. for one, i have been working every day. im tired. also, i am just....burnt out! i mean, today!??! i was in kids. non stop customers...the most annoying being this timid sounding indian girl and her mother, they were there last night. they came to mens and bought a BUNCH of stuff!! well this morning, the girl came back to my register and have a BUNCH of returns. several different transactions.
after i thought we were done she would pull out another bag of stuff with seperate receipts (from ANOTHER store!??! not even our store!? gosh how many bon tons do they shop at!??!)
maybe moss can figure out what kind of scam they are doing? i'll ask him later. since moss used to do weird shit like this before.
so.......then later they found me, and while customers were abundant, (it was 3 of us on the registers) they kept me occupied, )
WHY!??! she had a coupon on her phone. 50.00 off each 100.00 purchase its supposed to be a one time use, but it worked for more then one transaction. ok fine..right? well, after i thought she was done, a magical cart full of more stuff would come up out of nowhere!??!
the mother would disappear and then come back with all kinds of stuff in a cart!??! its like, they figure out ways to get coupons (we dont just give them out anymore)...we dont even have the 25% off coupon for card holders out, ppl take advantage. they are supposed to bring in their own coupons! so i kept on ringing these two people up. and one point she started folding the clothes and putting them aside and she started holding up the tags for me to scan. i felt like my eyes glazed over and felt like a hypnotized zombie, and i felt like that is what she wanted...so i just keep doing these transactions. then i just kind of shook out of it and asked the manager, who was helping us..(how many of these 50.00 can they use if i ts on the phone?) she said if it works then its ok...but then the other girl came over and she was like, 'do you need help' so i asked her about it. she told them its a one time use...she asked me how many times they used it i said a lot!??!
so she said after this we cannot do it anymore but you can use the 25 % off if you have it. i told them, "i can actually scan all of your items so we can keep this on one transaction ((because i knew they were using their american express to rack up miles or cashback or whatever it is...and then RETURN the merchandise later))...and when i said that, they were like, 'oh...no..we cant do that' also, there were ALOT Of other customers who needed TRUE transactions why was i stuck with these two and the never ending magical sack of never ending merchandise from some sort of never ending magical cart while the daughter was hypnotizing me with her middle eastern indian ways, you know!?? so when i suggested that they just said no i said, 'ok well you can leave the cart here if you arent going to buy the clothes' and they were like ok but then they were like, 'well, can i just take it back' i mean, as long as they dont try to run out of the store then what could i say ya know? so they had taken the carts and went away (probably to try to use it at another register but i doubt they were going to find someone else to keep doing whatever it was they were doing)
it felt so relieving when they were gone tho! they seemed all nice innocent and sweet but when i realized she was trying to hypnotize me i was like, 'ok im done!" plus i was tired and my fucking thyroid!?? wth am i supposed to be turned into a zoned out zombie or something!??
rather, peculiar...huh!??
but yeah!?? so.........anyways......i was so worried because damn why did that dr have to say it like that ya know!??!
my thyroid levels are so high tho!?!? over 700 and regular levels are like, 4...so.......my TSH levels are just whacked out!?? so, tomorrow after work i am going to the hospital.
i need a day off tho!!!?? i really do.......sheesh!??!
um...what else???
i dont know!??! i felt like i wanted to write more??? i wanted to post a few things.....ahh oh well!??!
but last half hour i felt so burnt out and i was trying to be friendly but then i realized i was dealing with customers non stop for almost 5 hours with no break and i felt like i became a glazed over zoned out zombie. this old lady had a bunch of coupons and she kept apologizing for all the coupons and i was like, 'oh no its ok!" but i was thinking, 'im sorry i havent had a break, and i havent eaten anything cept for toast this morning, and my thryoid is the highest the dr has ever seen, and on top of that i get paranoid as heck for no reasons at all, ,but yeah..fine!??!'
anyways..........time to sleep...i suppose...
after i thought we were done she would pull out another bag of stuff with seperate receipts (from ANOTHER store!??! not even our store!? gosh how many bon tons do they shop at!??!)
maybe moss can figure out what kind of scam they are doing? i'll ask him later. since moss used to do weird shit like this before.
so.......then later they found me, and while customers were abundant, (it was 3 of us on the registers) they kept me occupied, )
WHY!??! she had a coupon on her phone. 50.00 off each 100.00 purchase its supposed to be a one time use, but it worked for more then one transaction. ok fine..right? well, after i thought she was done, a magical cart full of more stuff would come up out of nowhere!??!
the mother would disappear and then come back with all kinds of stuff in a cart!??! its like, they figure out ways to get coupons (we dont just give them out anymore)...we dont even have the 25% off coupon for card holders out, ppl take advantage. they are supposed to bring in their own coupons! so i kept on ringing these two people up. and one point she started folding the clothes and putting them aside and she started holding up the tags for me to scan. i felt like my eyes glazed over and felt like a hypnotized zombie, and i felt like that is what she wanted...so i just keep doing these transactions. then i just kind of shook out of it and asked the manager, who was helping us..(how many of these 50.00 can they use if i ts on the phone?) she said if it works then its ok...but then the other girl came over and she was like, 'do you need help' so i asked her about it. she told them its a one time use...she asked me how many times they used it i said a lot!??!
so she said after this we cannot do it anymore but you can use the 25 % off if you have it. i told them, "i can actually scan all of your items so we can keep this on one transaction ((because i knew they were using their american express to rack up miles or cashback or whatever it is...and then RETURN the merchandise later))...and when i said that, they were like, 'oh...no..we cant do that' also, there were ALOT Of other customers who needed TRUE transactions why was i stuck with these two and the never ending magical sack of never ending merchandise from some sort of never ending magical cart while the daughter was hypnotizing me with her middle eastern indian ways, you know!?? so when i suggested that they just said no i said, 'ok well you can leave the cart here if you arent going to buy the clothes' and they were like ok but then they were like, 'well, can i just take it back' i mean, as long as they dont try to run out of the store then what could i say ya know? so they had taken the carts and went away (probably to try to use it at another register but i doubt they were going to find someone else to keep doing whatever it was they were doing)
it felt so relieving when they were gone tho! they seemed all nice innocent and sweet but when i realized she was trying to hypnotize me i was like, 'ok im done!" plus i was tired and my fucking thyroid!?? wth am i supposed to be turned into a zoned out zombie or something!??
rather, peculiar...huh!??
but yeah!?? so.........anyways......i was so worried because damn why did that dr have to say it like that ya know!??!
my thyroid levels are so high tho!?!? over 700 and regular levels are like, 4...so.......my TSH levels are just whacked out!?? so, tomorrow after work i am going to the hospital.
i need a day off tho!!!?? i really do.......sheesh!??!
um...what else???
i dont know!??! i felt like i wanted to write more??? i wanted to post a few things.....ahh oh well!??!
but last half hour i felt so burnt out and i was trying to be friendly but then i realized i was dealing with customers non stop for almost 5 hours with no break and i felt like i became a glazed over zoned out zombie. this old lady had a bunch of coupons and she kept apologizing for all the coupons and i was like, 'oh no its ok!" but i was thinking, 'im sorry i havent had a break, and i havent eaten anything cept for toast this morning, and my thryoid is the highest the dr has ever seen, and on top of that i get paranoid as heck for no reasons at all, ,but yeah..fine!??!'
anyways..........time to sleep...i suppose...
Thursday, December 18, 2014
its cold
hi. i dont know why i am blogging about this, maybe well......i dont know!?? my parents went to bed. i need to go to sleep too, but....so you know, i know my levels are out of whack. i have been tired, cold, cant fall asleep but then i sleep forever, depressed, weight gain, depression, hair loss (not now tho i havent been experiencing this), no energy etc...so i finally had my bloodwork taken yesterday. today i had work and i saw a number called and left a message. so i listened and it is the dr she said the lab results came back and to call her back asap she needs to send me to the hospital!??! i was at work and on my break, so when i called back the clinic was closed. i felt white hot scared and my heart started beating so fast. 'what does this mean?' i could feel anxiety kicking in. my break was over so i tried to gather my composure but how could i? i know i looked pale as heck too, i literally felt like i looked like i had seen a ghost.
i was thinking, does it say i have hiv or aids or something? i mean, what the fuck are you supposed to think when you hear that shit?
when i went back to work, there were so many customers and i could not focus and that on top of my paranoia, it was just so awful. i was worried that i would faint right there!??!
then the manager needed me to scan some sweators and to transfer the ones that scanned up to 24.99 to the other part, i had txtd my mom about the message, and my dad was worried so he came into my job and he was like, lori whats wrong? there was the other co-worker there and i was trying to get the scanner to work. i told my dad to wait, and he always takes pictures of me on his cheap cell phone when i am at work and the phone makes a cheapy loud camera noise....i dont know why he does that!?? but i was like, 'im ok im going to stay at work. i feel weird ' he wasnt helping he was making it worse! and i sat down on the floor to scan the sweators at the bottom of the shelf and my dad said ok ok and left, and all of a sudden this big guy was looking down at me and asked me how much the sweator was!??!
what the fuck!?? i said 24.99. ughh so later i saw kristen and i said i have to take off tomorrow but she looked distracted she said i will have to find someone to take my place...i was like, 'ok'...i went back to the register and i saw the security officer there. they were both looking around. someone must of been trying to steal.
eventually i managed to calm down, (i maintained a professional mannerism on the outside however inside i was so shaken up and scared!??!)
during my lunch break, i went to get a pretzel and i had sat down. oh yeah earlier kristen said those missing hours should show up on my next check. so i sat down, and some weird guy sat down and he made these weird noises, like gross phlemy mucusy noises and loudly clearing his throat it sounded like he was mumbling i was like, gross. i looked behind me where he was sitting thinking he was with someone he was just by himself. ughh why did he have to sit by me and make those noises? i was just disgusted. i wanted to be by myself and call my mom. some other kid was sat down on another bench and started talking really loudly on his cell phone. dude what the fuck!? if i was trying to be a paranoid "T.I' then..that would upset me but i dont let shit like that upset it to that extreme but yes it does annoy me!? people are annoying!
i looked at the lab paperwork and i saw the tests that she ordered. i saw that hiv was NOT on the list!?! wtf you know!?? geez!! i mean, a few years ago my blood levels were so out of whack, but i was paranoid as heck, i know i was drugged too. i was convinced the hospital was in on it. i wrote about it...somewhere. on my myspace blog damnet!! I better be able to find it!? why did myspace do that? i ended up going to the fucking hospital the ER...freaking out! i had to get a blood transfusion. i did not sleep for 2 and a half or 3 days. i was given some kind of drug...i know i was!??
oh my gosh!??! i better go to sleep tho. its 2 am and i work tomorrow and.........and.........i cant think!??! i have to call that dr back!??! i have been googling the different tests she wanted me to take...i mean, i dont know!?? i dont understand them. the one is for thryoid tho...i also googled about hiv tests (cuz seriously, that shit scares me the way she said it) turns out they cannot order one unless the patient agrees and signs for it, which i did not do! its not that i am afraid i have it, but what the fuck is someone supposed to think when they hear a message like that? i was like, 'what does this mean? am i dying!???!'
i mean, i feel fine, albeit from all those symptoms i mentioned about. do i need to get another blood transfusion? do i need to check back into the hospital? i work every damn day.
anyways.......um.......i also googled miscarriage and hypothryoidism and it said that it can affect pregnancy. http://hypothyroidmom.com/have-you-suffered-a-miscarriage-your-thyroid-could-be-to-blame/
i am going to google hypothryoidism and life threatening ailments or heart disease or what else can occur if you do not take care of your thyroid. i mean, how life threatening can it be?
stroke? heart attack? i feel fine now? tired. cold...worried...PARANOID i guess...can hypothryoidism cause paranoia? who knows?!??
i feel like i need to take my makeup off but i dont want too and its cold here. no heat its cold and i turn on the fan to help me sleep
oh yeah my dad told me when i came home he was so worried about me but after i told him i was fine he went to the church him and my uncle were supposed to go too (idk?) to sing i guess.
it was a church a black people church (i dont know how else to explain it) it was actually the church my aunt deanna goes too. he told me that on the way there a song popped into his head...a very old song.(i forget?)
a hymn or something.......i was like, 'ok.im listening..??' so he got to the church and the song they start singing is that song!?! and he felt like it was a sign it was called ,'trust in the Lord' (ha at first i wrote Lori) um.......but then he said a little girl tapped him on the arm to get his attention and she said to my dad, 'i can sing twinkle twinkle little star' and that reminded me of when i sang that song for my grandmother, who is in Heaven now, my dads mother, Elba Perez. i also remember singing silent night too.
so i dont know, they said it was a sign.
ok im going to sleep
i was thinking, does it say i have hiv or aids or something? i mean, what the fuck are you supposed to think when you hear that shit?
when i went back to work, there were so many customers and i could not focus and that on top of my paranoia, it was just so awful. i was worried that i would faint right there!??!
then the manager needed me to scan some sweators and to transfer the ones that scanned up to 24.99 to the other part, i had txtd my mom about the message, and my dad was worried so he came into my job and he was like, lori whats wrong? there was the other co-worker there and i was trying to get the scanner to work. i told my dad to wait, and he always takes pictures of me on his cheap cell phone when i am at work and the phone makes a cheapy loud camera noise....i dont know why he does that!?? but i was like, 'im ok im going to stay at work. i feel weird ' he wasnt helping he was making it worse! and i sat down on the floor to scan the sweators at the bottom of the shelf and my dad said ok ok and left, and all of a sudden this big guy was looking down at me and asked me how much the sweator was!??!
what the fuck!?? i said 24.99. ughh so later i saw kristen and i said i have to take off tomorrow but she looked distracted she said i will have to find someone to take my place...i was like, 'ok'...i went back to the register and i saw the security officer there. they were both looking around. someone must of been trying to steal.
eventually i managed to calm down, (i maintained a professional mannerism on the outside however inside i was so shaken up and scared!??!)
during my lunch break, i went to get a pretzel and i had sat down. oh yeah earlier kristen said those missing hours should show up on my next check. so i sat down, and some weird guy sat down and he made these weird noises, like gross phlemy mucusy noises and loudly clearing his throat it sounded like he was mumbling i was like, gross. i looked behind me where he was sitting thinking he was with someone he was just by himself. ughh why did he have to sit by me and make those noises? i was just disgusted. i wanted to be by myself and call my mom. some other kid was sat down on another bench and started talking really loudly on his cell phone. dude what the fuck!? if i was trying to be a paranoid "T.I' then..that would upset me but i dont let shit like that upset it to that extreme but yes it does annoy me!? people are annoying!
i looked at the lab paperwork and i saw the tests that she ordered. i saw that hiv was NOT on the list!?! wtf you know!?? geez!! i mean, a few years ago my blood levels were so out of whack, but i was paranoid as heck, i know i was drugged too. i was convinced the hospital was in on it. i wrote about it...somewhere. on my myspace blog damnet!! I better be able to find it!? why did myspace do that? i ended up going to the fucking hospital the ER...freaking out! i had to get a blood transfusion. i did not sleep for 2 and a half or 3 days. i was given some kind of drug...i know i was!??
oh my gosh!??! i better go to sleep tho. its 2 am and i work tomorrow and.........and.........i cant think!??! i have to call that dr back!??! i have been googling the different tests she wanted me to take...i mean, i dont know!?? i dont understand them. the one is for thryoid tho...i also googled about hiv tests (cuz seriously, that shit scares me the way she said it) turns out they cannot order one unless the patient agrees and signs for it, which i did not do! its not that i am afraid i have it, but what the fuck is someone supposed to think when they hear a message like that? i was like, 'what does this mean? am i dying!???!'
i mean, i feel fine, albeit from all those symptoms i mentioned about. do i need to get another blood transfusion? do i need to check back into the hospital? i work every damn day.
anyways.......um.......i also googled miscarriage and hypothryoidism and it said that it can affect pregnancy. http://hypothyroidmom.com/have-you-suffered-a-miscarriage-your-thyroid-could-be-to-blame/
i am going to google hypothryoidism and life threatening ailments or heart disease or what else can occur if you do not take care of your thyroid. i mean, how life threatening can it be?
stroke? heart attack? i feel fine now? tired. cold...worried...PARANOID i guess...can hypothryoidism cause paranoia? who knows?!??
i feel like i need to take my makeup off but i dont want too and its cold here. no heat its cold and i turn on the fan to help me sleep
oh yeah my dad told me when i came home he was so worried about me but after i told him i was fine he went to the church him and my uncle were supposed to go too (idk?) to sing i guess.
it was a church a black people church (i dont know how else to explain it) it was actually the church my aunt deanna goes too. he told me that on the way there a song popped into his head...a very old song.(i forget?)
a hymn or something.......i was like, 'ok.im listening..??' so he got to the church and the song they start singing is that song!?! and he felt like it was a sign it was called ,'trust in the Lord' (ha at first i wrote Lori) um.......but then he said a little girl tapped him on the arm to get his attention and she said to my dad, 'i can sing twinkle twinkle little star' and that reminded me of when i sang that song for my grandmother, who is in Heaven now, my dads mother, Elba Perez. i also remember singing silent night too.
so i dont know, they said it was a sign.
ok im going to sleep
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