Hey...seriously tho, I feel so gross. Well, I cannot eat pork twice a week!?? I mean, it feels so discouraging when everything you had worked so hard for doesn't really mean a thing in the end. Last year, I really decided to start eating healthy and working out, and I was able to get back down to 125 lbs! Now, since I have been back home, I gained it all back! I am now 140 and I feel so gross! I thought I got my freedom back when I left Mike, (living there), I thought I was capable of anything. Actually, that is not true. I went to LA then came home, and it was the holidays, and then snow, then relatives, then temp jobs which just made so tired...then more snow...then most of the money I saved from working and my taxes just went to the car towing place and the lawyer. I really give up. I don't think I will ever have a nice wardrobe, or a nice apartment, I don't think I will ever have a kitchen to cook myself healthy meals, good recipes, etc...what about anything I ever wanted!?? I am getting older now, will I ever get married? Or have kids for that matter!??
I mean, nothing works out for me! I am not blaming anyone, I take full responsibility, I just give up!
I will never have an office with a good PC computer to type up my stories...I mean, doing it on a laptop is not focusing enough for me, I want an office.
I am too fat and tired to even care anymore! I am too cold, too much of a pale, unhealthy pallor...hypothyroids wanting to hypo...
I just...don't feel anything good. I have headaches. I don't want to work somewhere and for what? For it to go to this DUI, where I am going to go to jail anyways, and have to be around AA folk, while they just sit and judge me, and curl their noses because I am so odd and strange and targetted individual idiot!???!
whatever
No comments:
Post a Comment