so...i get kind of bored i guess. sometimes i just don't know what to do. i want to succeed, to move forward, to strive ahead, it just...seems like that never happens...and i don't know!??

so i wanted to go see a movie, and mike wanted to go. yeah i still keep in contact with him so what!? i lived with him and dated him for 3-4 years...you know? anyways, we went to go see Noah..

oh, let me tell you, bout that movie K!????!

sigh...

well in a minute. my chest still feels tight from drinking. yeah we went out to pints and pies last night, had a pitcher (NO DRIVING btw! pints and pies is right across the street from mikes, so we can just walk!) and grabbed a 6 pack to go, so i can have some beers and go on the internet...

i always feel quite depressed the day after i drink...like it messes with my emotions. it makes me feel very sad...i also think its because it just can't be nice and sunny out! why can't we just have a nice, dry, sunny day!?? whoa is me!

mikes a jerk too! whenever we go out, he finds a way to belittle me, to make me feel so small and little, and to embarrass me by pointing his finger at me and using key words such as 'accuse'. he tells me i just want to say what i have to say and i don't listen, when the truth is, HE doesn't listen!!!

the other night, friday, we went out to eat....and i was trying to have interesting conversation, so i started talking about something i had read...about women who visit their man in prison..(mike likes that prison show...gangland btw, so i thought he would want to talk about what i was talking about)...it mentioned a guy who was in jail since 1994, and he has no comprehension of what facebook is (well, what it means), twitter and instagram. so i said to mike, 'imagine being in jail for so long, and when (if) you get out, it would probably feel like you entered the future!' cuz it would right??? you lose touch with what goes on outstide of prison life (aside from what you see on tv as well, because they can still watch the news etc), but seriously, how do you keep up with the times? you don't! mike then INTERRUPTED me to say, 'time stands still ' or some quote he heard somewhere...'um..that is what i was saying!??' see, he does not LISTEN to the WORDS that i am using, or to what i am expressing...


no i didn't get mad! it is just so difficult to have conversations with him. he said i only want to talk about what i want too...and he got mad because i chose to discuss about people who are in prison!?? wth!?? then he proceeded to flail his arms around and point at me, belittling and humiliating me, throwing out curse words, and turning everything into this power play...as the waitress comes around and asks if everything is ok (food wise)  ((oh yeah i also noticed a commercial that used words like 'instagram your selfie' 'tweet us' like us on facebook and in the article i read that prompted the conversation, it said  a commerical came on a KFC commercial that said like us on facebook, so he asked his girlfriend what does that even mean? and she replied, 'i dont even know?" dumb! she could of said, explained what it meant that is!! take that opportunity to explain what liking something means! it means you will see notifications etc

i was trying to conversate! but he didn't like what i was talking about!? so what does he want to do, mumble about how awful life is!??? he constantly tells me how he is going to kill himself. he's miserable! i hate that!

he makes me feel so small. he likes to make me feel small and inadequate. he will ask me a question that i have to process (mainly because i cannot understand due to his mumbling) and when i take a minute to process, he will go 'OH!!!" like he 'got me!" like he stumped me!?? and when i do try to answer him, he does not listen and he will interupt to explain to me why what i said is wrong. he is like lisa! both of them make me feel so uhhh...they dont allow me to answer in my own way, thinking whatever it is i have to say is just wrong! feeble and foolish.

it is so irritating! and last night, at pints and pies...let's see...we watched the movie, and i was trying to talk to him i asked him if he agreed with the luciferian version of noah..about killing off mankind...then i was telling him oh i forget!!! i am so hungry right now........

blah!! he interrupted the point i was making to belittle me once again, asking if i knew who capernicus was...and i took a moment to realize he interupted me and unabled me to make my point, and he thought that he stumped me, like stump the booey...or bababooey idk..wasn't that a thing? stump the booey??

i am so hungry and depressed tho. i will explain noah later. for now, just assimilate. and assimate, and assume the worst!!! or the best whatever!!!

who reads this!??! who reads my blogs anyways? anyone!?? or just a bunch of fake matter. remember when renee zellweger was cute? seems like her face will turn into a pudge muffin pie...puffier and puffier...with rosy cheeks...and rosaciea. whatever happened to her? this movie is on where  the girl has short hair, but its like a wig short hair or something...oh whats this movie called?? i cant guide it here...

i think its 'white oleander' or something. the girl is an orphan? oh michelle pfeiffer is her mother...i watched this before, lisa rented it once.


oh yes, last night, there was some girl wearing tight jeans (sort of 90s cowboy style) tight jeans, "apple bottom as mike said, even tho she had pockets of cellulite that could pass as a shapely booty...but the pockets were at her sides...and she had a long torso....like her butt jutted out but not at the right spot' i did my makeup but i was wearing my victorias secret ice blue hoodie that i always wear, and 20.00 jeans my mom bought me. not tight at all, not accentuating my booty, no belt, like the girl wore...i wasnt talking with enthusiasm or stars in my eyes like that girl was..because my stars were dulled, because of mike....

i didnt have cleavage or nothing like that. michelle pfeiffer is very beautiful. shes in jail in this movie..oh yeah...even renee zellweger is, she reminds me of key lime pie.

but back to pints and pies, and the star of the bar...the girl who i didnt really look at because i didnt want to feed her ego....because then she would know i was so jealous of her, because mike would rather spend his time checking her out than communicating with me, or looking at the blond waitress with a 90s curly hair and a big nose...ughh you know!??! and then he will yell and belittle me

why do i hang out with him? hes a real douche!??! hes just an all around absolute jerk/pig!??

he likes to put me down. it makes him feel good...who knows? maybe it even turns him on?? he likes to make me feel so small and insecure, it keeps me in check....

is he that awful? not really. we are used to each other. we watch movies, we eat. i am there for him. i try to care about him, he feels like he has no one.

thus is life, right ??? yet i am so selfish am i???

i am so awful right???? i don't truly care about anyone except for myself!

maybe so, as i selfie saturday it up during a drunk drunk whatever...boredoms. its not that i even want attention. trust me, i dont


trust me, it makes me feel mad when those weird guys at work stood against the wall, and 'regally' let everyone else punch in, while making sexual comments (yeah they did i heard them) its all older women tho, overweight women, so they make no concern when these guys are just...gross...i really do not go to work wearing 90s tight jeans and belts and ribbed tight shirts (like from the 90s) so these guys can check out my boobs and ass....no thanks!! see i dont WANT ATTENTION LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

this girl from this movie, not the main character...looks like this girl i know, trippy jen....idk...oh, i met her nevermind...nosy people