life plans

Mike keeps telling me, if I go on this trip with Moss, then he wants nothing to do with me. I doubt that. I feel he will text or call me after I get back. I understand completely how he feels tho. I would be mad too if he went on a trip with a friend who is a girl too. I mean, he has nothing to worry about with Moss, but he feels like I am choosing Moss over him. Moss might even be doing this just to make it look like he owns me. Things are weird. I mean, he acts like I would be interested in converting to Judaism for 50,000.00. (there is a town willing to pay jews that amount to move to their town in Alabama. They would pay AFTER 5 years too.) but anyways, like I said, I doubt Mike is going to not talk to me and all that. I was talking to my friend Karen from way north Quebec last night. OH YES one of my tattoos is going to be the algonquin symbols for mother. and an algonquin symbol like a fish or bear. so karen was asking me when im going to have kids. yes! i want kids. i always think, i am just going to get pregnant with mike, get married. heres the thing tho, he would need and expect me to work. not full time, part time, but i want to take care of my baby for the first 2 or 3 years, you know? but mike aint gonna want to talk to me anyways after this trip. see, if i was married, or in a commited relationship, i would say, 'sorrry moss, i cant do it. its not fair to my husband/" or, we would just pay our way to meet him there if that. i want to meet someone who enjoys travel as much as i do! who enjoys adventure, living! i want to meet someone who will help inject the life back into me, also, inject life into my uterus, (i know, im just being gross haha!). i want a husband! I want to get that King/Queen tattoo, matching tats. that is so damn sweet! i want someone i am hella attracted to, but hella love and respect. hella. no i dont want a california dude! DOOD! like a california raison. but yah thats the thing. i want a country boy! yeah! i like county boyz, not  california hella cools, whatever

after i get back from this trip, i am going to start to re-evaluate things. if i want to meet someone, i cant if i am not happy or if i dont feel complete. maybe i should take the time to find ME! and STOP having other ppl dictate my life or tell me what to do. i cant work at walmart anymore either.