i cannot breathe!! i cant be here. my parents put the heat on and i feel like i cannot breath!!! i need to get out of this house! i need a cigarette! i need something!! i cant fucking breathe! im so sick of all these assholes! matt, lisa marta, jen all of them are a bunch of creeps. i need to block them, i do not want those people to see my posts. i do not need them to see anything i say or do. also, smx hired jen and christine for just born, yesterday auggie told me that there is no work. he lied to me. people disgust me. i am so sick of everything!!! i need a cigarette badly! i need a ride. i need to get away from my parents! i should cook.

marta asked lisa why i talk the way i do or why i wore such bad makeup. she asked that to lisa! now of course lisa is going to be insulted and embarrassed at what a terrible person i am i mean, her friends are asking lisa why am i such a strange stupid person!? why do i exist? im gross. i talk funny. i talk the way i talk. all the reasons why i hate myself, marta noticed, and she goes and asks lisa about it.

and they lied to me about work! its perfect hours, 7-2pm. i would go to work every day, on time. i would mind my own business and avoid drama. so why was i not asked to go back? this is why i hate temp agencies. they can get rid of you if you do not fit the credentials.

what am i going to do with my life? i need to get OUT OF HERE!! BUT I CANT! IM STUCK!! IM STUCK FOR ANOTHER 50 SO DAYS!!!

forget these bitches! i dont....im just gonna do me! i tried to reach out to lisa, and she said she wanted to stop by, why did marta have to ask her why i talk or look the way i do!??! these people are a bunch of assholes!

im going to write a story.

i can see why someone will be like, 'why does she write everything for people to read?

why does she say what goes on in her life? how dare she!!!


oh and this is why it got me upset. i really do not care what marta thinks of me!!? her opinion does not affect me at all!


but when she has to ask my sister such rude inquiries, that bothers lisa, and then lisa goes and tells sage...and it is not fair for sage


gosh what is wrong with people!??!


well i told marta i do not need people judging me and she unfriended me. oh well! family should be more stronger than people that do not matter and i just want to have a relationship with my sister, and my neice! sage actually likes me, but when she has her own mother talking shit on me, how is she supposed to feel?


sage says she doesn't even want to talk to lisa anymore!??! i truly think that facebook hurts more then it helps. yes we should be able to hold back, i cant think of the word now....restrain against posting everything on facebook. i admit, i have seen a few posts that make me think, 'wow! what is wrong with that person?"

but very rarely...

things that are upsetting me

-i feel stuck
- marta unfriended me
- lisa doesnt understand me
- job lied to me

how can i remedy it?

well i just cooked a spicy shrimp and rice meal....i had a glass of lemon water, i had taken a deep breath. i can work on my puzzle. do the dishes....

talk to my parents about it.

and just take things as they are. i need to worry about myself.