the official jail blog!!!!!

ok ok!!! so...i feel like i need fresh air!!! i feel as if...i want to get a haircut, but i need a job. last year, i was so intent on working and saving money, because all i really wanted was to be able to just move out and get my own place! now, i have about 5000.oo in fines that i need to pay before i can get my license back (in a year), i can still pay 75.00 per month for 57 months, but i will not obtain my license back UNTIL i pay off the fines! before, the only sense of solace i really had was while driving, and listening to music. during those times, i was really by myself, in my own world, able to reflect on life and find solace. now, i am not sure when or how i will go about obtaining this sense aware, and that sense....of feeling at one with oneself. i know material things are not important, (hey i watched fight club last night LOL, but he purchased everything he thought would bring him inner joy; a cushy high rise apartment ((whatever that is!??)), IKEA (((BORING!! yawn! i hate ikea furniture) Furniture.....he almost completed his business wardrobe or whatever he called it, but then...he snapped. he went from a nice apartment to a dilapidated run down house, he no longer cared about his appearance (there are esoteric breakdowns of that movie, but this is not the place for it). i was only comparing to that movie because personally, i want so bad to obtain my cozy, cushy little apartment, with artwork, water fountains, fish aquariums, little buddhas, painted pony's, surround sound, kitchen utensils, and all that....but in the end, what does all that matter? what does having a nice collection of comfortable and stylish clothes, hats, tattoos and all that even matter? yes, i will feel happy and comfortable with myself, and with that, i will project a more confident, dont give a FUCK outlook....but i must learn to overcome these shallow endeavors and desires.

i need to take things as they are. i need to own up to what i did, who i am, mistakes i made, lessons i learned. all of this does define me in a way, and it helps build myself to make me stronger. see, i cannot relate to someone who has been a mother for 10-15 years, living in the same area all this time, working jobs because she provides for her family, because she is STRONG because she WORKS!!! i mean, good for her, but i cannot relate to that. i am of a restless nature. i move. i travel. i learn. i experience. 


I NEED ICE I NEED ICE! i used to crunch on ice all the time, but i have stopped. well when i was in jail, they always had fresh ice. so i started helping myself to a mug of ice, and eating the ice. now...i am craving ice again! i think its a good way, if you need to chew on something, dont do snacks, do ice! it is water after all!
so this is all me! my life! what i have been through and what i learned! now i am not saying i am special and the only one who has been through jail, because obviously, all 30 or so of the girls i was in with have been living this too, most for longer than 1 month! i will explain the girls later too. why not!???

OK so let us get into the month i was gone...yes i was blogging here and there but now i really want to focus on what i was going through! so, grab a snack and a drink, and get ready to read what i am going to write! i have a snack too, a klondike bar! (i was looking for ice but we have none. i am almost tempted to buy an ice maker machine, like the one they had in the kitchen at the community center i was volunteering at!)

when i was in too, for the first week i had nothing, no notebooks or paper, so i journaled on peices of paper. i had taken pics of the pages and at the end i will post those pics too.

Ok so day 1 (feb 18th)....the papers were said to be at the jail by 7am, and that heather mcnally girl was there (it turns out she is not the girl who worked at hot dog johnnys! mcnally lives in pa.) the other girl...see i forget her name now!?? i remember how she looks tho, bookwormish type, glasses...although she looked totally different with makeup and her hair done. i saw those two when i was getting my ankle bracelet. see they are done with their house arrest. since they both had a .14 bac, then they were only in for a week, with 23 days house arrest, plus 6, yes SIX months probation. if you have higher then a .159 you get a higher sentence. guess what i had? a .16. yep one point over! so my sentence is 1 month jailtime (work release), and now two months house arrest, and FIVE FUCKING YEARS PROBATION!! what the FUCK!? i do not want to feel like i am being babysat! five years? and i probably will have to submit to sassy, which is having to go in every so often to do a urine for drugs and even alcohol. so i will be told that i cannot drink. fucking ridiculuous you know? plus i like to travel. i have to get permission. this is bullshit! but im not mad. that was only written for pity and sympathy. i'll be alright!

OH MY GOD I am sick of this iphone! you know how the chargers get? i lost the cube part too. so i am charging it on my laptop but everytime i move it makes noise.

anyways, the papers said we could bring our extra gray sweats, white shirts, socks/underwears, toiletries such as shampoo and soaps and toothbrush, contact solution. we could not bring it in, it had to be dropped off. the week i went in, was the last week inmates were allowed drop-offs. the other inmates who showed up after me, well, they were SOL because they were not allowed drop offs! they had to wear county issued bras and panties and would have to purchase it from the commissary online. we all spent at least 75.00 in all that shit, and we were not allowed to have it!! oh, and i will mention the toiletries...later (plus i am going to make a video of it too!) oh i had the opportunity to smuggle out my county jumpsuit, i was going too, but then i did not. i should of tho!

well, so they had us all walk up to the prison. i was a bit excited, i will have to admit, because i have never really been inside a prison before you know!? they had those razor wire things outside, and a big door that we had to wait inside, (oh the blonde CO from last time, she turned out to be really cool...she was skinny and blonde and really hot and shes a CO? like, really!??) anyways, so then we went into the little waiting area, all three of us...oh what is the other girls name!?? her first name is sam tho...so one by one they called us in. sam first, then heather, than me. so then they called me. idk for some reason i felt like the guard was a lesbian, right? (cuz that is just what you think...ahh no hate tho, just observations) so then she told me to STRIP! take my shirt off and lift my bra, then i had to pull my white longjohns down (thermal flannels) and my underwear, and bend over, pull my buttcheeks apart and cough. i didnt really think nothing of it tho...so what!?? she probably sees so many butts, who cares ya know!?? no she did not cavity search me tho! i had to cough and i knew that sam and heather heard me cough! HAH! but they had to do the same thing! the officer then gave me a 'cornflower blue' ((fight club)), jumper to put over my sweats and shirt. sam wore black leggings so she had nothing on underneath the jumper! the paper also said no footwear, whatever? fuck that tho, i wore my sneakers to jail. sam had taken it literally and wore these little slippers..(i actually was going to buy those at walmart but did not). then we all had to take turns answering questions like are we feeling suicidal and stuff like that, and take our ugly mug shots..it was for our identification cards and what not) we all looked bad tho, except for venessa's i saw hers later...ok more on her later. so we sat and chatted with each other in the cell. heather was explaining to us what she heard it was like, i guess she had been doing CVS prior...(maybe for her 1st dui) the girl is only 20 or 21...and she said she knew some ppl in the jail, and they told her a few things but she said we were going to be in the same room, heather and i, so i had envisioned the barracks (ft benning ones) like a room with high ceilings and windows that you could not look out of, and two beds..or maybe like the rooms from return to oz)...but we were all chatting. then after a while, it was about 930 am, oh wait, when i was getting my mug taken, a bunch of the male inmate transfers waltzed by, and were in the other holding room, (the holding rooms were the cells they use when one goes to 'the hole'...it is two concrete slabs used as beds, and one of those prison metal sinks attached to the toilet. steel metal is cold on your butt let me tell you! more on the bathroom situation later, and NO we did not have to go in front of everyone. there were like, regular bathrooms ok? cept doors do not lock. more on that later tho!)...it got cold to sit on so the lady gave us a wool blanket to sit on. ok so finally we were going to make our way to where we would be staying! plus we all were still tired and kind of wanted naps! NAPS! like little kids!

(oh yeah the guys in the other holding rooms were trying to get our attention, well we had our mugshots taken individually, and they were tapping on the glass well one guy with dreads was....trying to get our attention!?)

ok so, we followed a C.O. through a door, and another door, and we were....AT THE MOLLY MAGUIRES JAIL!?? i swear, that is what it looked like!???! i was like, 'this is where we will be staying!??!" it was, well, like a jail! just like in the shows! but as i sort of glanced around, i noticed it was the mens side. i then saw a clear door, and a naked asian man splatted onto the door, (like that froggy one in that lady gaga video, you know?) i mean, it was a glass starting at his torso, so no we did not see his bottom half, still tho...weird!?? then the shower doors were open, and we saw male inmates taking showers!? wtf!??? some guys blurted out catcall type stuff I SWEAR!?? so strange!

then we were in a hallway we also passed laundry workers somewhere in the mix.....actually from the time i had to get the tb tests and stuff done...but yeah we went in an elevator and then we passed some sort of rec room with a tv and a wall of books and tables (it was "T2" not where we would be staying. more of the hardcore criminals, felonies and what not). we just kept following the officer, (who kind of flirted with the girls because those girls, well heather, seemed to be the kind who would flirt with the guards i dont know!??? im quiet and reserved and obediant, like 50 shades of grey stuff, just joking IDK!??) well then we went into a hallway which we have to be buzzed in, and we saw a rec room type, with vending machines, and an older lady, (who turned out to be shelly), heather knew her from CVS (community volunteer service), so she was like, 'hi!' all friendly. another one, who i believe was herman, walked by and said, "oh she thinks you are the C.O.? hahaha!" i glanced to the left and saw an open bay (that is what they call it in basic training), and it had rows of bunks and wall lockers. i thought to myself, 'oh, we must be here! home!" ahh

so we went to the office where daugherty was, the CO that, let me tell you, she actually resembles the blonde CO in orange is the new black! let me find a pic oh her http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1524290048/ch0448349

hmm actually no she doesnt! our co was a lot prettier than that one ^^ i just thought that when i first got there...

she told us where our beds would be and yes heather and i were next to each other, the wall lockers between us. we were top bunks. i just sat on the top bunk. people were still sleeping (it was before 10 am) and she was like, 'is this all that people do all day, is sleep?" i thought so too, it felt like an incubating cocoon filled with sleeping bodies. i saw a boyish looking lesbian in the corner, and a pregnant girl, and a dominican girl who woke up and had crazy hair, and then i saw a young pimple faced girl get up (she had that weird dolly happy way about her, like in movies), and she used the one bathroom i assumed, to brush her teeth. she stated that she was not allowed to have a real brush.

i just kind of was taking everything in. heather seemed to know a lot of the girls there, cuz they approached her and said, 'hey whats up?" (ugh i dont want mike rasely to come over. he just txted me. he is boring and he talks about his life. i just want to finish writing about what i went through. no he does not know i am on house arrest. i just dont feel like having company..well, not him!??!)

we had our sheets and venessa (the girl who was dolly happy), made our beds. she showed us how they make them.

after a while i kind of dozed off, but not for long. oh maybe...ahh i forget!?? well at 1030 we had LUNCH! everyone was saying 'tacos' but it was  only a burrito with some rice and taco sauce, and corn and cherry kool-aid. ahh, the kool-aid. thats all they brought up with meals! the trays were a big, bulky brown tray.....

i think i found a book and just was taking in my surroundings, starting the countdown to when i was getting out of there! we also had supper, oh i was writing all the food down for a week. dinner was mushy noodles of some sort,,

sigh. so the next day, at night, (it was thursday), well, they have a womens studies class with Dr. Bonnie HEY HEY THE AUTHOR OF ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK WAS AT THE LAFAYETTE COLLEGE DOING A LECTURE! and i missed it!!

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/easton/index.ssf/2014/04/orange_is_the_new_black_author.html

((erghh i really do not want company now!)) why does he want to stop by? 

hmm...so anyways, she said i can join them. the night before a bunch of the lafayette college students dropped by to see where the class was going to be (it was the first day that thursday)...they did a tour. so despite feeling a bit wary about joining the college girls, what with being an intern....i mean, see, we were not supposed to discuss why we were in there nor were they to ask. i felt kind of weird, like i was this bad inmate, and the girls were all so young and collegiate, (you know tho, how young adults and teenagers look, all awkward and odd shaped lol), they turned out to be really nice, mature young adults. it was a womens study class and the premise was called 'inside/outside' dr bonnie also told us that the news had interviewed her about the program and she was supposed to bring in the interview but she never did!??! maybe i will find it. we all introduced ourselves, and we all seperated into two circles and we then had to move around and answer the questions bonnie was asking us to the other person, you know, questions like.....i forget now!?? 5 of us 'inmates' were there, and one girl, Justine, well, she looked just like shannan! maybe a bit taller but yeah, so i told her that she was like, 'who is shannan?' cuz i was liek, you look like shannan! (more so then that nurse remember i said the nurse did no she doesnt tho...she was very skinny but also had that janine from ghostbusters vibe to her lol!) we all then painted some nametags we were to wear each class. the students all learned my name after no time. at the end we had to describe the class using one word and after we did so we had to ring the vibration bowl and pass it to the next person.

Friday the 20th

so i am just going to write what i had written that day on the other side of the dapper rent form..

"I pretty much slummed it up all day. I did not want to take a shower. Why? (i havent taken one since wednesday)...whats the point? even tho everytime someone takes a shower it smells so nice! i had taken one yesterday ((oh nevermind i guess i did take one the night before))...they had given us a sticky bag consisting of clear flouride toothpaste, an all in one clear shampoo/shower gel tube, bar soap, a mini toothpaste, a really nasty stick deodorant that is sticky, like mens deodorants....(i also wrote about 'comfort stories' an idea i had that is meant to be soothing as one reads it, really going into detail preparations of recipes, the flavors, savoring, also a spa like experience, body scrubs, shampoo, massages...things that someone can read and experience through the adjectives and descriptions...)

i think i was feeling a bit jealous of mcnally because not only was she able to finish an INTERESTING book (most were flea market style books, romance and boring stuff that i do not really enjoy reading)..., she also was having no trouble befriending most of the girls there! she would just insist on asking very sterile type questions invasive

(oh her interview in on her facebook page cool!)

ill check it out later...but yeah mcnally was making sure to ask lots of questions, so she sort of befriended the girls, and she was playing card games and asked how to play spades.

i was just reading alot. i started a few books that bored me, like vc andrews...and some other book, that i actually finished reading (hotel in paris) it was somewhat of a murder mystery, but not really. it did say coffee alot, and had a touch of erotism. everyone at the jail had read the passaround book 50 shades of grey, even mcnally. the one girl, nicole, who was there a long time was upset that she had that book since she was on the list.


anyways, um...i have to wait now for mike to leave. it was nice that he had stopped by but now i want to finish this blog and stuff....he is sitting on my journal entries!!!! i am so inclined to order an icemaker from walmart i SO need one!!!

ok so i will explain some of the girls there. the boyish lesbian whos bunk was in the corner was des, (we called her 'des the les' JUST joking we didnt) she is cool. i like her. she has a cool personality, really layed back and joky. the one across from her, the dominican one, (who later gave me the nickname 'wednesday' cuz of my hair, wednesday addams!? she said i look columbian or dominican!?? huh!? im puerto rican and native american!??? i told her...) her name was melba, or 'smellba' as we called her. again, just joking! (cuz she farted alot!! she did!!) she was really funny tho.

and under des was julie, the pregnant girl. she was real cute, like 20s. she wanted to watch alice in wonderland and she kind of reminded me of that actress, who is also in fight club, helena bonham carter...but not really tho. i dont know!??? 

so those were those three. venessa was right next to me too, she was in for heroin distribution, that happened with her boyfriend. she said if you google 'northampton couple heroin arrests' they come up. i couldnt find it, but here is her facebook. she looks really young and cute in her facebook, she gained weight being in jail and has bad skin. i have a story about 'pixie' and skin care later...here is her pics tho https://www.facebook.com/vmillz/photos   she kind of resembled amanda seyfried, she was funny too. the girls all have a healthy sense of humor. oh, and NO ONE had gotten into fights when i was there. yeah little bitch fests here and there, gossip and all, but not straight out blatant ghetto ratchet screaming matches...

landis, (who i described before...remember? i said she looked like she could be an actress, like ali larter... but she was off her rocker. i mean, idk...i didnt really talk to her much)

uh...i will explain the rest later. i have to pee!! and i am charging my ankle bracelet!!! its ok tho...

one of the girls there, tiffany jordan, she asked me if i knew how to play spades. i guess mcnally had asked to play but she could not. i did play once, when i was like, 20 years old...with some black guys, and my girl friends. we were drinking those wine coolers and we played the game, and i was able too, so i figured i would pick up, but i did not, and i felt bad.

Saturday 21st

ok i had written this, basically...(woken up at 10am. had lunch..OH i am forgetting something now! yes, when we arrived on wednesday, it was ash wednesday, so they asked if anyone wanted ash on their foreheads, so some did. the whole day it looked like they had some sort of satanic symbol on their forehead, like charles manson! the girl under me, i forget her name. she left a week after we arrived, had that ash on her for DAYS! guess she did not take a shower!??!.....oh thursday, looks like lunch was sloppy joe and dinner was chicken patty and gravy. the chicken is just...not chicken!??! breakfast is at 530 am, oh and MEDS are called at 330-4am, then TRAYS! (or CHOW) breakfast 530, lunch 10:30, and dinner 3:30....they also had vending machines and soda machines...

friday i got up for breakfast, which was grits and cinnamon cake, lunch was 'shmeat' pudding and rice. see, they call it shmeat because it is a mystery meat. why the shmee? not sure. the other day they had gravy for the chicken, so i saw what looked like gravy, and slathered it on the shmeat, we also had bread to make a sandwich out of it. turns out, that was not gravy! it was pudding! so i had a shmeat and cold chocolate pudding sandwich!! ol' herman would make jokes about it afterwards. 

"if you dont eat your meat, you cant have any pudding! how can you have any pudding if you dont eat your meat!"

OH OH OH also, LOTS OF SYNCHS!! which i will write about as well. lets just finish this first...then the synchs and what not will follow. 

Saturday...lunch, rice, taco meat, bread (NOT A TACO SHELL!) orange, refried beans..DINNER hot dog, green beans

after lunch we had chores. we have chores after all meals...light stuff tho. sundays are saved for "G.I. sundays" i had to sweep and mop the bathrooms. after that was done, i had taken a shower. showers suck but afterwards they feel so good! it feels great to be clean, shampoo and conditioner smells so nice too! (landis lent me her suave). i got bunked friday it says, because i was not wearing my id. flammish the main co bunked me! aww i love flam! all the girls like her but some have problem with her bcuz she instills rules. shes cool tho, older, short and stout, glasses...big personality.

oh so that night was movie night, so a few of us girls had watched titanic. it was 'grandma' aw yes! grandma! she was a foul mouthed, do not give a shit old woman with gray hair, who LOVED the tv! every morning, she would be sitting in the back recroom, watching dr phil, steve, maury..all of that. venessa and 'pixie' was watching too. pixie is a pretty girl, with lavender dreadlocks. i liked her. she was in for heroin. i have more stories about her in a bit. grandma was saying all the words in the movie! and we made jokes like she was the old lady in the movie! 

i guess, flan, (fram?) flam!!! she surprised us with a piss test. it was me, mcnally, sam, and justine (when she came back from work), also pixie, who was green tagged. pixie seemed really upset about the piss test. more on that later. but flam had to watch us as we peed in the cup. awkward! i have done that before tho, in the army.

SUNDAY feb 22
i said i feel like i do not exist anymore. i feel like i am in there to be forgotten. i felt like we were hiding out from the walkers from walking dead. (speaking of which, i need to catch up on walking dead!!! missed a few episodes!) i said it was called 'camp cupcake' i also thought about abandoned jails...this is like one big, drama filled, estrogen, stank slumber party. ((OH one of the older ones...passed nasty gas all night...she is diabetic tho, and the food they give us..well then), i wrote about last night oh so i guess that saturday night, we heard police sirens. venessa and i looked outside (since we were by the windows), we saw police lights. we also saw someone running from the popo! venessa and i joked about if the guy looked up, we were pointing him in the direction towards safety. he was running from the cops man! i said i woke up that morning for breakfast, because everyone said sundays are pancake sundays! so we had pancakes, gross scrambled eggs, the eggs are gross tho! it does not stick together, its weird. also grits. after breakfast i fell asleep till 1030. (wow!??!) LUNCH! bologna sandwich, potato salad, pudding..GI SUNDAY after lunch, clean and scrub everything! after cleaning, a few of us watched 'frozen'. then i went to bunk but the co told us we all had to go to the dayroom. piss test for all!!

what followed next was 4 hours of BULLSHIT!!

we had a late dinner due to the pee test which was noodles and sauce, cabbage, and shmeat...

so, people were bitching! especially the workers. someone had some sort of....who knows!? it all involves pixie. apparently a little bag was found in someones locker. ok....lets see..

i believe earlier that day, pixie had given venessa a facial with like, salt and some other stuff...i wrote about it somewhere, i cant find the notes!???! i overheard her asking venessa if she still wanted to use. everyone was upset. the CO then said, 'we have to stop with this gossip' but then SHE straight out asked pixie (natalie), ok what is the problem? she totally called her out in front of everyone, which in turn erupted a bunch of drama! jonesy started calling her out, about some bullshit, and everyone was targetting her, she eventually started crying. idk....but we think she brought in heroin or something heroin like, but she never got sent home!?? who knows....after all that i attempted to watch the oscars, wendy shared her headphones with me. wendy was work release at burger king, older lady. oscars was boring tho.

so...monday, i had woken up and decided to use the 'contact solution' they had given me to use...to moisten my right contact lens. so i put some on the lens. a new inmate came in, a tall skinny blonde girl....shadt' idk....i remember i put the solution on the contact then i put it back in my eye. see, they did not allow me to get my solution, so they gave me the jail solution. as soon as i put it in my eye, it burnt like HELL and hurt so bad! i was in pain!!! my eye turned RED and was red for 2 days!!! i saw the box and it had PEROXIDE in it!! WHAT THE FUCK!!????

they called me down to medical, so it was the first time i had left the area, outside. i had forgotten how it looked outside, like the movie 'cube' when shazam finally ventures out into the unknown!?? we were led down steel stained hallways, and then to an elevator, which was crazy like the one in willy wonka...i had my stats checked. when i got back i had taken a COLD shower.

OH OH also...i forgot, first night, some woman that they all complained about, got moved. she started shouting about wishing she had a gun to shoot everyone and she wanted to blow up the building, threats and what not. they brought her down to the hole.

MONDAY

whoa whoa whoa SYNCHRONICITES TIMES

i said, a few times i was reading about i heard it. i was reading 'hotel' and i saw it on the tv...in the rec room. someone was saying, 'im funny that way' and at that moment, i saw a pic of owen wilson in people magazine for the premiere for his movie 'shes funny that way'. i read 'reggie' while i heard 'veggie'. i was reading a book and it said that they went for a stroll, at that moment someone had said to someone else, 'what are you doing STROLLING down here?" so i started thinking about the synch blog, specially the ORANGE is the new black and as i thought of that, i had an orange SYNCH, someone said the commisary list has orange DRINK, (ryhme what is said and read)...

then a girl says she starts arguments to get a REACTION and at that moment, i had read 'reaction'..

i was then thinking of PI, and wanted a PI sign, well...that was the night that i had to take a PIss test..just to further reinstate, we all had to take a PIss test sunday, at that moment, someone had said "PEAS" pees, piss, PIss.,,PI!!!!

what happened monday!??

lunch: noodles, meatballs, brownie, dinner, shmeat sandwich, potatos, corn brownie cake

i dont think i wrote about monday!??? mcnally and sam were leaving that saturday. it was a slow kind of day i suppose.


ice was a scheme tho with titanic and them all FREEZING in the water and then the FROZEN movie..

tuesday i had trays, so i was woken up before 330 meds, by CO young, (who encourages everyone to stay up and talk)...i was not able to fall asleep good, it seems...people are loud at night..

(first day melba, des, julie and venessa all sang that one direction song)...
so i had to put on a hairnet and gloves to hand out the trays, it was a watery looking brown sauce with peices of floaty meat (yeah gross!). wendy told me it was 'mutton'. they had cornbread. i think it was the jail version of biscuits and gravy. tasteless mushy potatoes, (how potatoes can be tasteless beats me!??) mushy oatmeal too. i remember someone said breakfast for them was the best meal. um how!?? those were the worst breakfastses i EVER had!!! after everyone ate landis stayed to help me bring out the cart to the stairwell, and unload all the trays on the ground to be picked up and brought downstairs. ((everyone told me the smell of jail would linger for days but i do not notice that jail smell now, two days after i left!??!))  the whole chores had taken a half hour, then i had to wipe down the cart. mcnally had trays the day before, and i remember her being woken up because she did not wipe down the cart. i went back to bed and was woken up at 9 am bcuz beth, my field officer arrived. she gave me my green tag, and blue laundry bag. i could now officially wear my civilian clothes and leave the premises to go to work! after all that, i watched some tv till trays arrived again, which was SHMEAT sandwich again!? its soy protein!! or soylent green!?? jk idk...potato salad coleslaw..wait a minute, i think this day was monday!?? not sure why i wrote tuesday tho!??? hmmmmmmm oh! nope its tuesday i guess!!?? i think monday night we had watched alice in wonderland. 

we also had sugary koolaid, as usual! mcnally and baxter BAXTER that was her name!! well they were ready to leave. the night before mcnally had passed me a note about what i thought about it. i guess sunday night turned her off as far as the whole experience, and she became sort of withdrawn. she did not seem very happy to be going home either. baxter was all smiley. i was going to give her a hug bye but she seemed kind of bitch face so i did not. they were out free, with 23 days house arrest. i had 23 days left in jail!!!

((later i heard nicole say she was happy i was the one out of the three (dappers) who had stayed))

lol family guy just said someone is on probation. like i will be!??!

i could not figure out the showers for a while, so i had taken cold showers for a while. it was a weird combination of turning on one shower and another idk it was just odd!??!

FEB 26th (wednesday)

i am so tired. so today i started my work release..i woke up at 3 am due to MEDS and was not able to fall back asleep, too nervous to oversleep since i had no alarm clock.

plus ppl were LOUD! that is when i went to work, and found out that 'jester' was shot and killed by the cops. he had a bad criminal record!  Loud "Lulu' was in our department. i never got to make my "whos lulu' blog bcuz not enought time. last day i was working, some loud bitch had punched out and everyone was like, 'hey lulu! LULU! whats sup Lulu?" and the like as she walked out down the warehouse. i was happy she was not in my department! well, that wednesday, she was in the other line. she was so obnoxious and vulgar! 

at first it was like, ok, she was wearing an eagles jacket and i was gonna be like, hey eagles! but then she started talking about strippers and 'stripper pole names' what the heck is a stripper pole name? you mean a stripper name? she was giving everyone around her a stripper name, and she riled up the young black guys around her, who were YOUNG ok? they dont want to talk about that shit! one of the girls was asking the big guy who was stocking on my side, what his name was, and he would not give it. this is a biggie smalls synch. earlier the day before, i was thinking of the biggie song, 'what do you do if your bitch is untrue?" with lil kim, and the kid working was like, 'you can call me big' and they were calling him biggie smalls. oh then later that day, back at the jail, shelly started singing, 'what do you do if your bitch is untrue!?
anyways, lulu was giving everyone 'stripper pole names' then she asked me what my name would be. i was like, 'i dont have a stripper name!" since i was wearing a camo dickies coat, they named me 'GI jane, and ready to serve' i did not think it was cute. sexual harrasment! she then talked about being on her knees and penis size, was she realy talking about that shit!???! yes she was! lacking class and common job skills...i mean, you just do not talk like that at work!?? she also used the 'n' word alot, she was 50 years old puerto rican behaving like some emotionally stunted bully from the 80s high school...she was also talking about squirting. then she started making comments about anyone who glanced at her. i was like 'wow!" trying to tell my friend jen, and shake my head. oh jen and christine wanted us all to go out st patty day to the bar. i did not tell them hey! im in jail! for a DUI!!! lulu then said if you get upset then you are stuck up, and saying i am real i say this stuff but the ones who get offended are doing way more nastier things when they get home...um ok bitch! christine said she felt like those comments were targetted towards her. i was just thinking, if she gets upset over something, lulu......ah whatever. its all in the past now ya know? back then it would be my concentrated blog for a few days. however, i was not able to blog really, till now, i can dedicate a few hours to finish this jail blog!!

flam told me i had to move to the worker side, so i was no longer on the left side, i was more on the right side. by the nice bathrooms. i was now above ortiz and next to gabby. oh i would work on a puzzle and listen to the headphones...that my new neigbour duffy shared. she was below gabby, this nice black lady who liked to wear footie pjs. oh i guess we had the womens studies class

ok so what day is it now!???! hmm i guess i didnt write about that thursday and friday...well i was working. lulu was moved...um...idk...

saturday the 28th

woke up at 7am, read, went back to bed at 9am....not counting daily meds at 330 am. went to watch tv in rec room. grandma was there, tortoises, turles, iguanas talked about turtle soup. oh...yeah there was a woman there, who was there for her 2nd dui, older than me, like 44...she was not gay...but she seemed more..tomboyish i guess idk not too manly tho but i just found myself getting more attracted to her idk...haha! i just wanted to share that!???! she had a boyfriend and a daughter...i just liked her. i think she was beaten up by her boyfriend that is what someone said. anyways, oh yeah, another one there, um....kirchner, she looks like jimmy pardo! you know that comedian on conan? but she has wild curly red hair, i remember seeing her once she got green tagged and she seemed so cool walking up from the street with her boyfriend. ill mention it later tho. there was also an older lady with real big boobs that looked like the mama from 'hey mama' tim and eric skit, but later she didnt look as weird as hey mama but she was really funny. she was my work release buddy, her and the other one i only seen getting up in the morning for work, who reminded me of lois from famiy guy (everyone reminds me of someone!!) but later she did not...

is this blog gonna be over!?! gees im getting annoyed..........i forget where i was ....oh so lunch was a sandwich, then there was a drug and alcohol class that i joined. then bible study. we talked about the samaritan woman, and the well of water that Jesus offered her. my dad had just told me that story the day before in the car ride. i told the lady that and she said wow i said it was a sign! oh i was playing skip bo before that in the rec room on one of those round jail tables with shade and stacy and jones (jones looks like tastee from orange is the new black, she totally does!!) then nap, shower, read newspaper, watched criminal minds. more skip bo. lala told me about cvs, community service, where they go to the church and clean and go to services, but she said it was all day. ALL DAY!??? idk and leaves at 8 am

sunday my bunky duffy, told me she was watching church service on tv and they started talking about the  samaritan woman and the well!! thirsty for Christ! another synch?!!??

synch talking about DUFF beer on the simpsons

oh yes another synch...

SUNDAY march 1st!!!

so sunday, after chow and chores, i was playing rummi with venessa, and a kesha song came on the tv (those music channels) it was kesha, we are who we are. venessa said she likes the kesha song your love is my drug. i turned the station after that one song, and guess what song was on? 'your love is my drug'....our game was interrupted by a fire drill. we were only led to 't2' so we had went outside our area, and we all had to be in line, down the gray, stoic hallways, through a holding cell thingy, past the visitors rooms with the windows, and then to the t2 area. it was like a normal jail. we were at the top looking below to an open rec, with those circle tables with the chess and checkers things, and the cells. the T2 girls were all peeking out of their cells at us. as we were walking back, one of the cell girls told jonesy, 'im getting out in two weeks!" she was being loud. when we got back CO simmons yelled at whoever was talking, and she ended up bunking venessa. 


butter synch!

the day before, i was reading fitness magazine. one article said, "what about BUTTER" (is it healthy?) and we were watching lies and secrets (its on soon!!), a new show on tv. and they were watching tv and jimmy kimmel and one food show was talking about adding BUTTER to the recipe (oh on lies and secrets, jimmy kimmel show popped up...and he was talking about adding butter to the recipe)

we have to listen to the headphones in order to hear the tv and i hear the radio at the same time as the tv show and i heard POISON song, so, 'butter, poison' was the message!

oh so at work i talked to christine all day. jen was on the other line. or she called off i forget. we left an hour early at work so i went home and had taken a shower. when i got back to the jail, EVERYONE was bunked! i guess a new bunch of inmates had came in...mondays are new sheets days, so i had pulled mine off before work. when i had gotten back, i noticed my sheets were missing. as flam was checking me for contraband, she told me everyone is bunked.

they all were like, 'hey peeps!' when i came in. well, apparently one of the new ones, whos bunk was next to mine,, had SHIT her SHEETS and tried to throw them out. she had grabbed mine, but since she did not tell what she did, everyone was in trouble for it! sigh.....later i learned she seemed kind of slow. i was always nice to her tho. some were jerks to her. it was a big joke for the next few days. o'toole her name is, shade called her 'o'stoole' 

the next day at work, christine was talking about SHEETS!!! she was going to buy new sheets for her son. (oh i hope they call me back to work!!!) 

i said work sucks one guy got sick of hearing rachel all she talks about is binge drinking and sex. geez that job is so ratchet people! there are criminals, stabbers, sexual harassers, and cheaters who brag about cheating on their spouses. a great bunch there, huh?

after work i went to mikes to take a shower and got dropped off and i was waiting around for a while to get buzzed in and no one was there, then some male inmates came in and i did not want to be around the male inmates so i got really upset. later i started to know the male inmates too who were all decent. they all knew who i was and my story!? guess ortiz and them told them. i was just upset because i usually like to go home after an annoying day of work but i always had to go and wait to be buzzed in, then checked and have to go through the metal detector thing...

so it seems like i stopped blogging for a while!??! 

ok so i lost track of time now!??! i was working on puzzles, reading my book, watching criminal minds..that saturday they all were able to go to the gym except for me because i was green tagged. only the sitters could. 11 more days i wrote..i wrote about the late afternoon sunshine i think daylight savings time...(SHIT I FORGOT TO BRING THE BOOK HOME! A BOOK I WAS READING....THAT SHELLY GAVE ME...ONE OF THE CHARACTERS NAMES WERE 'LORRAINE BROWN') i forget teh name of the book too....i said i watched two and a half men and how i met your mother...there is no mother in that show tho!?? oh yes dr bonnie had given us books to read, such as 'the farm' and another one about women in jail OH SECRETS AND LIES IS ON i am so used to watching this in jail with those cheap radio wave headphones sitting on an uncomfy chair in the recroom 

AHH the alarm in this show is the same one that used to wake me up!! girls wearing a butterfly on her shirt. she is getting molested in real life. PERVERTS!

oh the drug class was just people bitching. ortiz and her community center bit like she is the master of CVS upset about everyone losing CVS and no tv for the sitters bcuz of the shitty sheets debaucle. 

workers could still watch tv tho since we were all at work when that happened its cool watching this show at home i would watch it with jones and shade...

watson co let us watch a movie tho, the best of me, but we did not see the end because it was almost time for flams shift. YUM my mom made some banana nut bread

ok so...wow this is taking a long freaking TIME! well i mean, it has been a month! GI sunday, clean clean clean! oh the best of me made me want summer romance, sexy lazy summer and new orleans style.pretty trees plants flowers, summer warmth, romance. 11 more days.

bible synchs occurred too..(hey what were the bible synchs? i forget!??) maybe it was OH YES, the lady who does the Bible stories, talked about her grandmother who died well then later  one girl asked about what happens after we die, and she went to turn to revelations or something, maybe...i forget...and it opened to a verse that her grandmother highlighted (it was her Bible) my grandmother Elba had given me her bible too

march 10

10 more days starting something...work was work idk...oh journey home!! yes! everyone was talking about 'the journey home' so when i got back i had signed up for it! we all walked down the circle, it was tiffany, newton, and wendy and i. gabby was there and so were some of the college girls. we stopped by a little store reminding me of the stores in seneterre quebec. some of them bought a pack of cigarettes. as we were walking down one street, tiffany said this is where she found her clients. it was 6th street. i heard rumors about the prostitutes there!?? i was like, what did she say? she then said that one of her clients was her teacher, and he gave her 1000.00 every other day....i had no idea there were prostitutes there?? who knows tho...we then arrived at this arts and crafts place, which is so inviting, warming and welcoming. a place of solace in a crazy world of jail. gabby was there, smiling and happy to see us, wearing a pretty dress with bird prints on it. gabby could be a model. she is tall and lithe with a short pixie hairstyle and a big friendly smile. she also speaks so full of expression. it was a nice little environmnt. we all painted for a  collage that will be featured in the inside outside journey home program at lafayette, this thursday in fact. unfortunately, i am STUCK here.......

tuesday

work was work. still never got payed for the first wednesday i came back, because the stupid jail never released my work badge  to me!?? why, i have no id....i need to call and remind him that i still have no gotten payed!!!

between that and my white castle w2 form, geeshhhhhh

LULU was fired it seemed. hurray hurray the witch is gone! rachel was fired too, the heavy set redhead who was seen hugging and nuzzling all up on jester before i went to jail. fired for their gross misconduct of talk. tuesdays they have journey home, so i asked flam if i could go. she said no because i was a dapper. but i kind of didnt want to go, i wanted to relax. tiffany wanted me to go. but i am glad i stayed because i did yoga. it was very peaceful, despite all the loud sounds outside the rec room. a new old lady who showed up farted at the end. we laughed. it was julie, herman and the old lady. herman is a funny character too, she is an older woman in there, for a dui but she claims it was flonaze! she says she is going to be in the paper looking for a lawyer. herman was always helpful.

WEDNESDAY

so i went to work they moved the loud girl...who would always sing in spanish. christine and jennifer would always talk bout going out for st pattys day. (uh, i cant go!!!), we left early, at 2pm.. slow, no product. when i got home, they had called and told me i was layed off! at first i had thought not to report it, and just act like i was going to work. im sure i could of gotten away with it, it seems, but i told flam i was layed off. so i was taken off the schedule. i played cards, skip-bo, talked a bit, art class we made mandalas. chatted with natalie (pixie) while working on my puzzle. she was leaving in a few days

the next day, thursday....was my first day off. bea woke me up (the morning worker who i said looked like hey mama)..so i could sign up for CVS, i really didnt want to tho, but i just did. oh i went the day before...oh, ok yeah that thursday ortiz asked me if i wanted to go so i said sure. so at 1030 ortiz and i left with shelly and she drove us to wawa (the wawa across from the quality inn, which that sunday a murder had taken place..more on that later)....ortiz bought us some breakfast sandwiches and a juice and gave me a cigarette. then we drove up to the community center, on washington. it was a center for the kids, and we had to clean the bathrooms, sweep/mop, scrub and go to the 2nd and 3rd floors which had a basketball court and a wrestling wing. i love old abandoned buildings so it was kind of neat....

we had passed the building (oh i am just copying what i wrote in my notebook) a building i have passed a bunch of times, with painted silhoettes of kids chasing butterflies and dogs. after the cleaning, we had some time to go on the internet. at 3 we all walked back, well shelly was gone but des showed up so des ortiz and i walked back, smoking cigarettes. we were going to go back to help with the kids and dinner later that night, but flam said no! oh yeah kirchner walked up looking all cool, remember i said that?

well, once again, flam would not let me go (because workers have first dibs on cvs, so schick went ) go on there doing house arrest the kid on this show anyways

the dinner looked to be good too, chicken and perogie casserole. i stayed in but we had the college class. 

SYNCH one day i went home and grabbed new clothes, one of which was my red hot chili peppers shirt (this was friday laundry)

well that friday night i went back, i kept alone doing my puzzle and listening to the radio, college radio, and a huge red hot chili peppers block was being played. i likened it as a nice tips off towards me! i was also working on my puzzle, which was a butterfly puzzle, and one of the songs was the miley cyrus song, 'the butterflies go away' (there are cameras everywhere so i kind of felt like i was being WATCHED!! ya know!???)

sunday the 15th 

i wrote, yesterday i wanted to sleep in, but CO daugherty woke me up asking if i wanted to do CVS (i signed up friday but then i did not want to do it... since i had laundry and could leave at 2pm

she asked if i wanted to do CVS at the church, but i said nah...well later i woke up and changed my mind. so ortiz told daugherty i had wanted to go, so she called and they approved it. so i walked 5 blocks, in the rain, to the lutheran church. des, justine, and kirchner were there. the church was mostly black people, and they were upstairs praising and worshipping and stomping, and us girls were downstairs getting ready for the dinner.

it was a viewing for the pastor who had died, and we were to help out everyone with the food. we were there a very long time! i got there at 11am, the rest of the girls were there since 9!! so a 10 hour day for them! it was buffet style, and those women were wearing big fancy hats with teacups on them. we would go out for cigarette breaks, well, we had about 3 hours before they all came downstairs for food. after they all started leaving, we were able to get food. it was so good! fried chicken, baked chicken, mac and cheese, baked beans, potato salad, rolls, butter, (lots of BUTTER!!! synch), salad, collared greens, ham, meatballs, cornbread, stuffing etc...later the one lady asked me to decorate for st pattys day, so she gave me a box of st patricks day stuff, shamrocks, leprachauns etc, so i put it all up around the basement (oh they had pink roses and white christmas lights around the poles, real pretty!) but this one finnicky nervous white lady said she did not like it and she started taking it all down. she said it was from 'the one we do not speak of' (devil) ooh kay!?? kirchner asked me what happened to my decorations so i told her what the lady said. we both kind of laughed about it.

when i got back i did the puzzle and played skip bo and uno with the girls, (shade, stacy and jonesy)

so that was saturday! sunday was...sunday idk i did not write about it!? nor did i write about monday. i did cvs....at the community center. clean and all that. i did it on monday too. the guys know who i am tho, like i said. lol. they are all nice. we chat with the male inmates too who do cvs. so it seems i stopped writing....

well it was the last week. jones left that wednesday...i did community service, talked with the girls...i dont know???! all the sitters got their green tags to become seekers, i did cvs with ortiz. the day before i left i spotted herman making her way to the community center (she got green tagged! yay! herman is a tall, bigger biker type of woman, lol but she is really nice. they ended up keeping her that day for cvs and we were there all freaking day!!! ya know? we stayed all day, moving around the kitchen and degreasing the walls, and then the kids, oh the kids...loud and misbehaving, came there to wait for their parents. dinner was 'brinner' pancakes sausage and syrup and chocolate milk. i wanted to get back earlier, :/ anyways, so i had went to watch tv, the mentalist and some other shows, one of the newer pregnant girls was there. she got there a week after me, but she wants to get house arrest. she said she just wants to go home. i feel so sorry for her. shes a nice one. the next morning, everyone gave me hugs and said bye. i got gabby and ortiz's phone numbers (if i ever want to do CVS again! SURE!) and tiffany said she will see be at journey home....all that.....i overheard nicole saying she was glad i was the one out of the three that stayed....then i had to go....i walked out with gabby who was all happy for me, and when i had went to the criminal center, my little bubble of happy was burst when the guys arrived, ignoring me and making me feel invisible. i was in a talky mood too, in a sort of dreamlike haze, but in there, i was nothing. the guys had their smug witty comments about each other...and all that. and then they explained everything about house arrest in a very scary manner!??? 

well i have been home for the weekend! just 7 more weeks to go!! 7 and a half. wow...(and yes i was attracted to another woman...so what!!???)

ok next i will post pics and all that OKAY!??? 

heres are some pics OKAY 

journey home

mandala

a scribble i did of my view from my bunk

oh btw here is the interview with dr bonnie

interview