no more ankle bracelet

I am happy that I got this ankle bracelet off, but I have also been feeling very crappy. Well for one, I had a bunch of questions in which I felt too intimidated to ask. So, I woke up early, took a shower, and got ready to go to the dui center. Well, those group of guys were there, the ones who....they all knew each other and they were all so...sarcastic? why are guys today so dry and unfriendly? they all have these 'dont give a shit' attitude, and no one is really friendly or respectable anymore. i arrived feeling happy and looking forward to getting the bracelet off, but all those hipster saps and bozos were all like, talking amongst each other, and not one said or did anything to acknowledge me. not like i need attention from guys, but i start to feel awkward when i am just being ignored too, at the same time. one guy got up to give my mom and i a seat...but still. i tried intercepting a few things only to be looked at but not heard. i tried talking about my experience on house arrest, but no one responded to me. they all knew each other and were jailbird lads, and i was just....invisible. that made me feel like crap. you know what i mean? i hate that.

so we had to wait forever, then go to 'that room' ugh..the one where they have the damn classes. the few times i had to call about getting permission to going to the store, some..bitch answered always giving me an attitude. i would ask if i could go to the store, and the first thing she would say is, "no"...and i would be like, 'well i need food' and then she would say i can. wtf!??

when i was in that class last time, there was a big tall guy in there, who knew this woman because he had went to school with her. and she has that look that she was one of the popular ones, involved in sports, and an all around...bitch. i cant think of another way to describe her. she told us we had to sign out at the prison, and i asked if i had to as well, because the guys were in a different place than me...and she looked at me like i was stupid. i pointed to the jail i was at...and she started shaking her head like im a retard and it really made me feel like shit. and i will talk back. i kept trying to make the point and speak over her because she said i was at the prison so i was like, 'no i was at the jail' and she acted like i was reprimanding her. um no i was not at prison! i was at the jail! she kept saying there is no difference and i was like, 'um prison is upstate..' 

i was asking a simple question i thought she didnt realize i was there and that i had to sign out in the womens section of the jail...there was no reason for her to make me feel stupid.

i need to explain myself too you know? then she said parole officer i said, 'probation'....after that i really did not want to even ask any questions, about trips and other things.


that made me feel shitty, so did all those smug asshole guys. i dont know...


after that we all had to sign out at the jail/prison, whatever the fuck it is!??! those guys all had to be driven by a van to the center because they were at a different spot than me!??! the guys part of the place i was was the prison. she even went, 'when you look at the sign, it says, northampton county prison ' she said it all slow and sarcastic. i was ignored the first time i was there so i really thought she didnt realize that i, as a female, was even there...so i asked because i thought i had to sign out at a different place.

we had to wait in the PRISON waiting room for like, 45 minutes, which was really annoying!!! i stopped attempting to conversate with those jerks and just zoned out till i could finally sign out.

the rules are, i need to notify them if i go on trips or will be in another state longer than 24 hours. now i am nervous to call if SHE answers. i dont even know her name!? i just know she looks like a horse BITCH! fuck her (they are probably reading this and all that and since i disrespected a cop or a wife of a cop or a know it all dui dealing with criminals person..oh no! i need to get the book! i am so awful because i called her a horse bitch! i have an attitude oh my! truth is, i did not drink or smoke pot and a few of those guys were talking about how they are gonnna smoke up and one guy was getting drunk all the time on house arrest! the po's never visited any of us at home btw)

i also have to go to the center a few times to check in....i dont know!?? i have to go in july it looks like. and then take highway classes.

anyways....

so after my parents and i drove up to the airport rd to go to dennys but instead we went to a little crepes place. it was so cute and cozy and had lots of neat menu items. i got crepe provence which was ratatouille, goat, and gruyere. my parents got one that had scrambled eggs, sausage (freshly ground), walnuts, maple syrup...cream cheese. 'french twist' (i made a video of it but just looking at myself on that video makes me feel even worse and more depressed) UGH i look awful! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KswtCEbGyeg anyways, after that we went to the mall and walked around. it was so nice and bright, it felt good. i looked at the stores and just seeing nice clothes brought my mood up.


charlotte russo has alot of nice stuff, bebe...i need to lose weight again. i need to get rid of the fat on my waist and belly. i feel disgusting. my hair is plain and ratty (ratatouille!) and gross and flat.

i need to get plastic surgery for my face because i hate the way my face looks. i hate the expressions i make. i need to correct my voice. i hate my voice. i think the reason why people treat me the way they do is because of how i look and how i conduct myself. i look like a fool! i look like an idiot. im gross. im embarrassing.

anyways...enough of this self depreciating...i wrote deprecating but it looked like 'defecating' ughh gross

that word tho...

anyways, shopping elevates my mood, or just fantasizing about shopping. 

and i need to make a hair appointment. i want a body perm, highlights and a haircut. knowing my luck i will have another person make me feel like shit. like, someone who doesnt want to help me with my hair to boost my self esteem, i will get someone judgemental and told to make me feel like crap.


what else...i dont know!? i want to get a floral snapback (lol), also a flowery headband...some nice shirts, sandals, and a new hairstyle, and dermal peircing and more tattoos.

also designer sunglasses. my mom and i went to a sunglasses place where they have prada, versace and other designer ones. i put on a pair of versace ones, it instantly made me look like a movie star and it made me feel like a fierce bitch. i love it! why does the keypad make this bigger?







well thats all for now oh the mall has a poutine place too! what else? oh on plenty of fish, i am talking to some guys on there. i dont want to really date alot of guys tho, but there is one guy on there who is a pilot and is attractive and likes to cook. we might meet at riverside or something. he seems cool.

shrug

another cute guy with a motorcycle. is that bad of me? to talk to these guys? talking to guys makes me a slut.