stories!

I am more interested in the small details of people's lives, that everyone overlooks. I like the aspect of ASMR because it is what makes us human. We are humans, we should not be ashamed of it or punish ourselves or try to get on some other secular level or status. There is no reason to achieve some sort of astral connection to the annunaki or whatever. Let's just be humans! Let's just be proud to be humans! ASMR is pretty basic, but the videos I watch focus on the things that make us human. The little things. Connections we feel with others, relaxation etc....as I said before, when I was in jail, I had the idea of writing books describing mundane things, such as taking a shower, cooking, eating a meal etc...but this was before I even knew about ASMR. These will be stories tho, not videos. Reading takes ASMR to a different level, because this way our eyes read and focus and each individual word works to build together a basic foundation to developing the canvas into opening and awakening our minds and imaginations. It brings us there.

For example:, She turns on the hot water, and a steady, meditative stream consisting of several different flows of water drop out, each stream forming a nice, pressurized account of warming water. Steam begins to formulate and she feels the temperature of the water. She unzippers the back of her dress and lets it fall to the floor, and she steps out of her..underwear (panties? hey! this aint supposed to be sexy tho)...and steps into the perfect shade of lukewarm water. From there, she chooses her herbal essence shampoo and lathers her hair with it. The delicate aroma of freesia combined with honeysuckle transforms the room into a tropical spa...(Ooh a shower asmr video would be nice!)

i dont feel like finishing this asmr story, i will when i have time to dedicate to finishing it...

but i was using asmr STORIES as a template for things that interest me. i like to know about peoples habits, i like to catch a glimpse into someones life, but the mundane details. i like to know how they wake, what they cook....

i would like to start up a fb group or something about people who like this, but it is hard. i would also like to do a support group so that we can share asmr videos and what not, and support each other by watching each others videos, it is good especially for those who do not have a big youtube following.

here are things i would like to know about others:

- What is on your cellphone?
- What is in your fridge?
- What is in your shower?
- How does your keychain look?
- How does the inside of your car look like?
- How does your makeup collection look?
- How is your handwriting?
- How does your bookshelf look like?
- What did you cook?

etc stuff like that....

but anyways, i am pretty tired. long wknd. lisas baby shower and church and a church dinner. i had things i wanted to say, but the coffee i had made my stomach feel all nervous.

i dont know...uh...yeah...so lisa is married with baby on the way. my cousins are married,,,you know..everyone is married everyone has kids/babies on the way..

everyone...except me. and i am almost 40 now..yeah..((synch too, in the car ride home from church i told my parents i feel like a LOSAH like donald trump says well we stopped at dunkin donuts and we ran into this lady i recognized as a little girl, she went to our church in flemington..when i was just a lil girl growin up in the 80s. she said something about a LOSAH and donald trump...i was like, ''weird!??!"


i feel like a (CUE DONALD TRUMP a LOSAH!) i am stuck here...stuck!! i am living with my parents, no car..nothing. i have a 2nd dui, i do not have a caring boyfriend. i am lonely. i feel nuetral about life. what else? oh...so today at church, they asked all the veterans to stand up and share what they did and what branch they were in.

someone who went to afghanistan stood up (the new youth pastor)...also others who were in nam, and my uncle who was in the airforce, and my dad who was in the marines etc...

i was in the military, but i never completed training. do you know how bad i feel, how much of a LOSAH i feel for not finishing, for not bucking up, (just fucking up)...i mean, i blame my parents...i blame them for not making me a more stronger woman. my dad is wishy washy. my mom..well...i cant continue to blame anyone...but they pleaded for me to get out, with my sargeants. they let me out because they felt sorry for me. they did want to make me an MP (military police), or a medic, or even a supply sargeant (lol)...anything ya know? i would of had pride. i would of finished my 5 years...(i had 3 years in the reserves after)...GI Bill...veteran...i wish i did it. i am really upset that i never finished it. look what kind of daugther my parents have....who am i? what am i? im a ..losah. i am a disgrace. an embarassement. i am a grown child adult. i feel like this is how i appear to people. i hate when my parents introduce me to people, or to ppl at the church. i am embarrassed i have nothing to be proud of.

i do not like to reveal my age because i feel i have not accomplished anything. i am not proud so i do not want to brag, especially about being in hollywood or being around 'stars'. my dad always tells people (well not always) but he talks about how i was around alot of famous ppl but that is just embarrassing. so what? like, that doesnt mean anything. i didnt do anything productive.

i feel sorry for myself alot, i guess...

anyways, um..the mother of that girl who had high school pics..or, they were too sexy for the yearbook, she sometimes comments and she also msgd me about her book. so i ordered her book on kindle. im telling you, this is good. its alot of empowerement, and good advice. i just started reading it, (its a sort of feminist, self help book?? i guess!?) idk..but it is good and i really need to start seeing myself as someone with POTENTIAL!! SOMEONE WHO IS THE STAR OF MY WORLD, A GODDESS!

lol...and yes, i have stories. i have a lot. and i am INTENDING TO WRITE THEM! WHEN I PUT MY HEAD TO SOMETHING, I CAN REALLY WRITE GOOD. I JUST NEED FOCUS, WHICH MEANS, NO INTERNET! NO TV! NO LAPTOP ON MY LAP! I NEED TO SIT AT A DESK, AND WRITE. LET THE WORDS FLOW!

i have so many things i want to write about too!!!!

my stories....the anand jon story, DUI story....my life idk...

fiction stories, (i have written my ideas here before), childrens stories, ASMR STORIES!!!

tween fiction, all kinds of shit.  I CAN DO IT! I KNOW I CAN!!

mm hmm...

well...thats all for now.

i have a few other things on my mind...but maybe another time.