see? these videos are now a youtube hit! oh my gosh!!! see?? i am envious of kids today, they can just film and record their youths..their youth on fire! (skid row),. or their 'electric youth' (debbie gibson)..haha! i am deliberatlely being a dork because i was such a dork back then. i so wish i had a camera phone to record things, but i didnt. but..i also grew up in a time where phones and social media were not important, or..existent at all! i was able to enjoy being a kid, as a teenager we took walks to the bridge, we werent home online. i just wish i could go back and see my high school days. they are there, but in my memory. i didn't really take pictures back then..sigh. i just have my memories.
so tonight mike came over and we watched 'bully'. that movie! i remember seeing it at my gramdma (cocoom) and my cousins house in senneterre. no one was home tho, it was just me. and bully was on the canadian channels, in french, but i was reading the captions in english.
i feel bad. well mike and i got into a fight but mike is so thick skulled, he will twist things around so i forget why i am upset and say all these things, its just a headache. i said things to him.
he finally said, "I dont see it happening" (us getting married)..i feel i just want a family. i really want a kid and im not trying to go and date and shit. moss doesnt need to see this in quotes. doesnt matter. mike doesnt understand that it hurts and disgusts me when he throws out insults like its funny. its not funny. jokes that are tasteless at my expense are not funny. but i will forget about it later. even tho he just left me after spurting shit out, words. im too tired for this. i told him that he doesnt make me feel fulfilled, happy, respected, loved, cared for, safe...
even tho yes he pays for everything just about, trips and food. well i do help out as well. and we have this florida trip planned although im not even sure why...if there is any doubt we are going to break up? why did he buy me a ring? cant he answer that? cant he tell me that he loves me? cant he tell me why he wanted to marry me? i deserve that, i think??
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