friday the 13th

i knew it. its gone. highlight and delete. i had written a really good paragraph, that within a second, it highlighted and deleted. the keypad does not light up, and i type fast, so sometimes, i am not sure what it clicks on, but whatever it is, it happens to think that i want the whole freaking paragraph that i just spent the past half hour on, to just delete all of a sudden!??!

mike was talking down to me. ok, you see, i do want to go to the funeral tomorrow. out of respect for mike, weston and laurin, susan etc. plus, i knew christian too. not well, but i knew him. i think it would be courteous to go with mike, right? he immediantly starts talking down to me, pointing fingers at me and the need to 'tell me how its gonna be', meaning, i have to behave the way he says i must. behave, like i am some sort of dog, that needs guidance and needs to be disciplined. if he honestly thinks that i am going to go to a funeral, and start acting up, then clearly he does not know me! i would never do that! i am a sweet, polite, respectable girl. i know how to 'behave' in situations. i know they will be happy to see me, but the way mike makes me out to feel, he makes me out to damage my self esteem and make me unsure of myself. i was friends with them too. i know they like me. plus, i am there for support of mike, a guy i used to date, i guess...honestly, he just wanted me around to help pay for bills. i think thats the gosh honest truth, actually...

so yeah, he starts lecturing me, in a very rude, disrespectful tone, that there are some 'laws' or whatever, that i have to abide, tomorrow, if i want to go to the funeral. what? this is a funeral, if someone wants to go, then they can go. i had wanted to go to pay my respects, and also for support, support to mike, and to susan, and to see weston and laurin, and emily and ryan, and just to be there, but now i feel very inadequate, and insecure, that i almost feel foolsih to even think about going!??! and then he says, 'listen, afterwards there are going to be drinking and food, dont even think about drinking or i am going to go ape shit'

so, he will act  'ape shit' if i drink? he will ruin a nice remembrance memorial if i want to have a drink? and he is coughing all over the place.

i am so patient with him, i am so nice, and he treats me like shit. no! i do not deserve to be treated like shit!!! no, i am so sick of hearing him say , 'lisa!' everytime i see him! why do i waste my time with him!??! i have no fucking clue anymore!??!? i really do not know!???! he treats me like shit! not like a human being!

you know!?? i just want to meet someone nice, someone that enjoys spending time with me!!! som'eone that i have fun with! why dont i deserve to be  a beautiful bride? why cant i deserve to be a young mother? i mean, is 35 young anymore? i feel young, i guess...i look young...i feel like shit tho. i feel sick of everything. i feel like i FUCKING HATE LIFE!

even tho, mike bought a freaking calzone steak whatever....and it made me bloat out again...i knew it would. i thought we could go to a sit down restaurant but he didnt want to spend money but we went to foreman mills but he didnt buy anything and he bought a calzone that i had two measly slices of and he payed with a gift certificate anyways!??

i ask him, 'why do you want me coming around' i mean, if he thinks im so awful, then why does he want me to come around? and why do i keep going there?

also, sometimes i wonder if i never met him. then i would not be giving up on life. now i have this fucking DUI bullshit, and i just give up on life! i am no longer excited about anything!

anyways, i noticed some more synchronicities i guess...

i guess the rockefeller guy died in a plane crash today...today! friday 13th full moon!???! also, horse synch, he landed in a horse place! (i dont feel like finding the article tho its there tho)

he is also heir to the oil heir rockefeller as well as the banker...elite

so i was youtubeing the song, motoring! and i saw it went, 'whats your PRICE FOR FLIGHT!??' and as i was reading that, i heard on the news, OIL PRICE

so the flight and oil is a connection....whats your price for flight? his price was, it cost him!

after we got back mike put on the tv and it was some tv show, and i noticed a guy that looked like christian (no joke!??) but i didnt say anything to mike cuz well, hed just be like, 'that mean anything', but then, i noticed the tv show...it was MONK! like his last name! monck!!

i told mike that and he said, 'its spelled differently'

idk, i just think it was some some sort of sign!?? i mean, something right???

oh so just now, the tv is on...and i saw a tweet on the show, for TRACY MORGAN  and it is the show 30 Rock...thats right, short for ROCKEFELLER anyways, last night i was going to post, 'ooh eeh ooh ah ah ching chang walla walla bing bang' but i decided to wait till another day (if i do that is) i was gonna post that and say, that song seems wrong!'

i did put it in notes on my phone tho. well the reporter who reported the rockefeller crash his name was something CHANG...and on this show, tracy morgan said a person whose name was something CHANG!!??!

chang!???!

im getting lots of synchs and coincedences but i dont know what it means!??! what does it mean!??!


i am back! so, the ching chang wallawalla bing bang is from a song called 'THE WITCH DOCTOR'

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY, WALLA WALLA BING BANG SEEMS LIKE A SPELL, LIKE SUPER CALLA FRAGILE LISTIC EXPE ALLA DOCISOU!>


IM NOT SURE HOW, OR WHY, THOSE LYRICS GOT INTO MY HEAD BUT THEY DID

ok they called christian, 'the doctor'

just now, on 30 rock, she goes, "we need to do the doctor skit, the one where i am a little girl" and then they just did a doctor skit where she is dressed as  a little girl..


hmm.........ill be on the lookout for more syncs what does it freaking mean tho!???!


the other day, when i saw the rihanna /mango synch, i saw a saying on it...(it was the same channel as the christian ed. with the date and time) the saying was, 'i wrote it down but found it not necessary but i will write what i saw written now'

"we are always making memories without realizing it"

so, i noticed on that 30 rock episode, she was typing something...i think i wrote it down...it was a nice lil msg


she wsa typing something ala sex and the city this is what she was typing "accepting who you are the secret to getting what you want"

thats a nice lil msg!

after that they were playing CHESS! like manipulating the game! playing a game of chess!!


i am chatting with jay shrug...and he was like 'what does it mean?' im like,
its like a mish mosh, 'its like a bowl of spaghetti that just got knocked over

like a big mess!!

anyways, next episode of 30 rock, he said, "you ate SPAGHETTI in front of him!" (serious no lie! google those words and 30 rock the episode should come up)

then she said, 'i tried to stand up i just fell in my throw up' like a bowl of spaghetti falling over!

i reminded jay of the japanese symbols from the movie transformers, that were on the wall at the steel stacks, when they filmed there.

i said, its like some sort of astral communication, like the way the transformers tried to communicate with him...

but who? who is communicating!??? 

( i might be back) 


I AM BACK!!!

HI

so, in the new episode of 30 rock, they were filming a commercial for girls and boys club. tracy morgan was chewing gum, and alex baldwin went ahead and dubbed over tracy, as if he 'were speaking for him', handling, talking for him

alex baldwin was in a hulu commercial, where he had tentacles like an alien, and he said, something idk i have to look for that commercial (not now tho)...he said we are controlling your thoughts

bascially, he is a puppet too. alex baldwin and tracy morgan are vessels, being used

 i was telling jay that its sort of like the movie the transformers, where they communicate with lebuffs character through the radio, its like they are communicating to me (and him or i dk) through the tv...

he told me that the sci fi story he is working on is about aliens communicating via media, ironically

i told him, see, you are open minded so you are experiencing this with me! very rarely do i hang out with someone who sees it for themselves too. only two other times, a few times when i hung out with darla (she was open minded to it so we both attracted that energy) and with shannan, (who is open minded too) unlike mike, who refuses to see what i am talking about, or other people i know...

so i was telling him that, jay (who i was chatting with) on the show, he said, 'its like sex, its a SHARED EXPERIENCE' we were just talking about shared experiences!??

the office is on now. you know what is weird? ok, so, i met the guy who plays, (i cant think of his characters name now!) the overweight average looking guy who is bald but has some hair around bottom of his head) who has a weird voice. he looks average on the show, right, like a regular guy, but when we saw him at an emmys party (moss said hi to him), he didnt look or seem average. he seemed like a well established actor! even when i tried talking to the guy who played badger on breaking bad, he didnt seem like the average dude the show makes him out to be...meaning, even the average characters have a certain essence to them that, in real life, surpass that of a 'normie'....i mean, us 'normies' are so average, and just...average..them, well, they have the demons see? they let INSIDE THE DEMONS! AND THEY BECOME MIXED WITH THE DEMON/ALIEN BLOOD!!!! 

they are no longer...normie humans!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "well well' -from maleficient

yawn maybe i should go to bed!? ACK I JUST HEARD A DOG CRYING!??! WTF? IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS IN THE ROOM THO!?? OR RIGHT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!?? um why did i just hear a dog cry!???

so,i just heard mike shaking around like he was waking up. i dread that noise. its like frankenstein rising from the dead. i just finished this blog and i was about to go to sleep, and tell him the weird things like the dog and stuff, but he gets up and says to me in that awful tone, 'your gonna have to shut the tv off' (i was watching that episode), and he starts reprimanding me. he is like frankenstein rising, and he shut the tv off and said to me, 'im not gonna be late for my buddies funeral because of you'...im thinking, why even bother? why am i even bothering?

i am the only one who really puts up with his shit.

he says he is gonna kill himself. whatever!?? he treats me like shit! this is why i moved! you think i wanted to stay somewhere where i would be pointed at, 'listen' what? dont point your finger at me you asshole!


i cant seem to press enter more than once!?? blogspot sucks.

now i have to go to bed or else! i am doing my own thing tomorrow tho! im not sure if we are going to dorney park i kind of dont want too. i kind of just want to get drunk! aight???


EDIT:


i forgot to say that alex baldwin also mentioned TRIGGERS and ELECTROSHOCK


RYAN LOCHTKE WAS ON THE SHOW...LOCKED KEY!!??!


ALEX BALDWIN BALD WIN? (the bald guy from the office? also, jay is BALD, and we are winning? no, i think maybe being ignorant is good? maybe i should not be opening the floodgates of communication, for it may be aliens/demons trying to communicate with me??


im going to bed now