last night

you know, whats his name, jimmy, bothers me every day basically to go swimming, fishing, hang out by the river, well actually, he bothers me every day for a ride to the store, to pick up his meds, to lend him some money, to get him a 40....its really ANNOYING! but since it was nice out, (somewhat) yesterday, i was like, 'ok since sage isnt around, then maybe i wont mind some clams and roasted corn and beer and a fire, some tunes and chill. i know that jimmy is annoying tho! he is one of those people i was mentioning, that talks and talks, but doesn't listen. i reserve myself to reserve modes around blabbermouths who do not listen! despite all the interesting things i have to talk about, i understand that hanging out with jimmy will just be like.....ehhh boring!?? perhaps!??

so anyways, i bought a bunch of food, we went to shop rite. i just wanted clams and roasted corn, jimmy wanted to get a pork loin and barbecue sauce?

so we got clams, a celery/carrots/onions mix, bbq sauce, butter, marinaded pork loin, bbq sauce, and some corn on the cob. i also bought some beer, a 12 pack and a 40 for him, and a 3.00 6 pack of lil pony beers...

so, ok, first of all, i also have RULES for camping/cooking out what not...

START EARLY! so that you can get cooking by 5 pm! before the sun sets, before dusk!! but also, not too early! especially if your gonna be drinking!!

set up camp!!! get your fire fixins! here is how to make a freaking fire!!

ooh i want smores! that can be desert!! 

oh i had to take a shower.  now i feel refreshed!!! i feel like a muppet, brushing/pushing back my clean hair. AHHH!!!

yes so, HOW TO MAKE A FIRE!!

make sure you have all your gatherings ahead of time! it sucks when yar hungry, and ya have to go on searching for your freaking gatherings!!!

what you need to start a fire! (next time i go to the private beach, i am going to make a youtube video)

- a clean, flat surface. earthen...
- a bunch of big, round rocks
- dry logs. (lol! logs!)
- wooden shavings and fillings, think filabuster style, (thin, wooden blocks, newspapers; dry, crispy leaves; small, chopped up wooden chips, basically this is gonna be firestarters, but make sure you have a plenty!
- lighter of course!!!

then, before you light up fire, pyramid or teepee the wooden blocks, larger logs, to form a teepee structure, and then, add a bunch of the fillins underneath the teepee, then light up the fillins it should soon catch and light up the wood..now, rub your hands together cuz we're gonna get to cookin!

oh yes, more of the rules to do a cookout type shpiel...

-make sure you have a nice, even spot to make your fire
- chairs. yes. bring them! or at least tree stumps. something to sit on! and make sure you have plenty of seating space depending on how many ppl are gonna be there.
- good food! YES!!
- good tunes! bring a radio with enough solar power/battery power to sustain, or if you are at  campsite, whatever!? you know the drill!!
- bug spray or bug candles
-  i said teepee now i am gonna say "T.P" yes girls, you are gonna
 need some biodegradable toiley papier! because if you plan on consuming some cervezas, your gonna hafta pee, and nothing sucks more then being all damp panties cuz you cant wipe!! no matter how long you try to drip dry for, its just annoying
- also, dont forget the hand sanitizer as well! cuz you'll want to sanitize too, especially if you plan on grubbin on some grubs!! num nums
- good flashlight!!! lanterns too perhaps???
- make sure that you will be able to pack everything up on the go style so if you go home you wont forget anything, or if you have a tent, have it set up prior to darkness falling, set up your blankets, sleeping bags, etc...also, make sure that you are comfortably dressed. it may get chilly so bring a comfy sweatshirt, if it is hot, bring swimming stuff!

last, but most importantly (not sure if this is last but this is the most important) HAVE. GOOD. COMPANY!! this is so crucial! i am beginning to lose hope for humanity!! i mean, geesh!! why is this so hard to find!??!

egads!! i will explain...but first, yes, good company is very crucial!!! i mean, good conversation is superb! good company, good scene, watching the sunset, nice buzz going on! why is this so fucking hard to find!? i like being around people too, i just, i like being social too ya know!??! and not always hanging out with my parents and sage, i mean, i want to do stuff with sage, but i also really turn down my personality, and i kind of get really annoyed at sage and my dad...they get on my nerves! i want to be myself! 

i want to laugh, joke around, put on makeup, make myself feel attractive, open my eyes real wide while explaining things, unlike not even trying. why do i want to feel attractive around my family? i miss romance. i love summer romance. that makes me feel alive! 

my parents and sage are not leaving! i want to put on makeup. its so nice out! i want to do something!??!? why are we just sitting around inside when its so nice outside?! why cant i just..have a boyfriend that actually wants to do things with me!??! who enjoys doing fun things? not some jerky idiot!!

so, yesterday, we went to shop rite. it was starting to get kind of late. plus, i was tired because i woke up at 8 am and didnt get to take a nap. i just like to feel well rested. idk!???! 

and jimmy kept talking about silly things...i was like, ehhhehh!???!

so then, he started the fire, but he went to get a chair, he was gone for a while...so i was just sitting by myself. while i was sitting, i heard someone say something. i thought it was jimmy coming back, so i was like, 'i know right?" it wasnt him tho. it was three people going night fishing. i felt silly. i was also getting buzzed from the beer and starting to want to conversate. ya know!?? chat! talk! whatever

so those three people walked to the river to fish. finally jimmy came back. oh, before he left, he started the pot of boiling water, and added in the celery,carrots, and onions and a bunch of bay seasoning. he was right, that smelled absolutely delicious! so he finally came back with the chair for me (when are they LEAVING!???! its 5 pm already!!) 

there is only so much of a dull, double chin enducing face i can do!!! dayum!! 

i told him about the three people, who were fishing. i thought it was time to chat and cook!??! we did add the steamed clams. i was thinking he would add the corn and start the pork loin tho, and sit down and we could chat about greys or whatever!? i was in a chatty mood. well, he said he was gonna see who the 3 ppl were. so he walked to them, and he was still there 20 minutes later. he never came back, he just left me sitting there by myself!?? why? we had a nice fire, beer, music, so WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LEAVING ME BY MYSELF SO YOU CAN TALK TO SOME OTHER PEOPLE? i walked up and it was two guys and a girl. i stood around for a while, while jimmy was blabbering at the one guy, who seemed like an old toker/smoker, drinker of the beers. the other two were a younger couple who didn't say much. the one was fishing. 

i was getting annoyed so i was like, 'hi im his buddy i live in brainards' so the guy was like, 'oh yeah where in brainards?' i was like, up the road..broad st. i dont no like company! if your cool then cool! like i said, i do like 'loudies' but if you are friendly, and introduce yourself to me. fuck jimmy, he never thinks to say, yeah this is Lori. hes another dolt! man! wtf you know!??!

i was thinking, we have a FIRE!?? so why the hell are all being loud out here? so i said, 'Hey we have our food cooking and beer and a fire, and he is trying to fish. if you want to join us for some beer and clams, we are by the fire' (hint hint)

jimmy doesnt get it tho!? fucking moron!

i went back, and they were still standing at the tip of the riverbend. i mean, i want to SIT and be by the fire!! and take care of the food and fire, and grab a beer at leisure, right? jimmy was more concerned about making friends, and the one girl seemed very stuck up and rude for some reason!??!

so not only was i lacking conversation...ugh. eventually they all came back, but they were standing 10 feet from the fire! and i gave the older guy a beer, oh yeah, i payed for the beer, yet jimmy gave 2 of the beers to his brother, and had one for himself, (which was fine, hes going to pay me back anyways), *i also have his 100.00 flashlight! i didnt realize i had it tho!? it was in my bookbag)...he also gave another beer to his mom! this was a 12 pack mind you!! so half of that was given out to other people! right??? i drink, and when i drink, i prefer 8-10 beers , usually 9 beers tho thats just what i drink!!??! hey call me what you want whatevs. or red wine. i could use some red wine! id like some tonight, but since i have no one to hang out with (jimmy actually msgd me about a party at the river) HA!!! im not drinking tho but i am SO CRAVING CHAT CHAT FUN CHAT BLAH pretty sexy hot fun sex!! bling bling!!! 

so yeah, we gave out all our beers!! man! i wouldnt of minded if ppl had their own drinks, and if we actually all talked amongst each other, instead, it was jimmy pushing his drunken face rambling on to that old man, while the two younger couple was standing silently. no one ate the food anyways, and even stupid jimmy was like, "im not eating im not hungry' SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME BUY THE PORK LOIN (with food stamps still tho!??!) fuck! there were a bunch of clams, and we put the corn in with the clams to get steamed, we had some melted butter...it was dark or i would of taken pics of the clams and corn, i think phone died tho...

i was eating the clams tho. thems were delish! and the corn was delightful. yes it was good! 

i hate life. i just want to meet someone. someone i can be happy and excited to be around ,and vice versa.

oh the sentence just deleted. of course! anyways, they were all standing feet away, jimmy  that guys face, no body wanted to eat. well the boyfriend of the girl had some corn i saw. 

the older guy lit up some big ass fireworks! that was cool and nice! i liked that!!! 

they soon left, and we didnt have beer left! we were gonna go to riverside, but then a dad and his son came around, looking to take over our fire? they said some guy gave them his fire the other day. jimmy looked like a drunken, revelling fool, talking all to the dad like a ,'be friends with me' sort of sad lonely way. no beer, no one to talk too!? i was not going to sit around a dad and his son like some sort of bittered, half drunk HAG so i was like, 'im going home!" we were tossing around the idea of going to riverside but jimmy had no money and i was not going to spend any of my money. it was late anyways, midnight. i had my card, not cash tho, at my house 
but my parents were there and i didnt want them asking me questions. i left and my parents are like, ' i dont want you hanging out with them' i am a grown woman! and guess what!?? sometimes i do like drinking my beer! "no dont drink! its not good for you"
 
i have no hangover today. although its now 5:25 in the evening wtf am i gonna do? jimmy says another fire and beer but last night did NOT go well. mike wants to do something but what!???! oh and forget about going to the bachelor/bachellorette party at susans. 

please, i just want to meet someone, or group of friends, who are cool, fun, easy to talk too etc..seems like its been so long since i had that!!!!

ok i think that is all!!??!