A creepy night
Hello. hmm.......so......not sure what i want to say, i need to put my composure together for sure. i had a nice nap, i guess...so, last night, dario kept texting me like, all night!? i really was trying to focus on my blogs, and sometimes i like to get lost in my blogs, especially when syncs are occurring, right? it is really annoying and distracting when my phones txt signal keeps going off every few seconds. i explained to him that i am NOT going out last night! like i said, there is no reason for me to go out, for what? to sit in a big loud jeep SUV and drink cheap beer, and not even letting my full personality shine because its not even worth it? i like to be me, and i want to be around people that respect me as well. if i have to mute and dull my personality, its really not worth it to even bother going out! i like when you are around a good group, and when the banter is good witted, layed back and low key, but all working together, and includes lots of jokes and funnies, respectful ribbing and a fair layer of wit and keen sarcasm. i hate boring, i hate shrugging, i hate no jokes, i hate when people do not 'understand irony or whatever that basic bitches article, i hate being an old personality, sometimes i LIKE TO BE WEIRD!!! SOMETIMES I LIKE TO BE A FUNNY! I NEED TO BE A WEIRDO!!! sigh, and i hate when ppl dont get my weirdness either. like im just a dumb dumb voice explaining things, the symbiotic synapses that i hear sometimes, especially after drinking, zapping away in the back of my head. but yeah, dario was texting me, saying he wanted to hang out, then he was saying this and that........and i was blogging and attempting to get lost into my crazy world where the synchronicities were talking to me, plus i was trying to understand why christian would hang himself!?? i mean, it baffles me! i just, i just cant believe it!??! i feel so bad for susan, and even for mike and weston. its just...sad you know!?? dario kept txting me tho, about feeling upset this and that. he was drinking. i mean, i don't mind hanging out with him i guess, but what is his agenda you know? he thinks that i will give in and hook up with him, even tho he tells me that is not what he wants, he still tries, and it is very annoying...but i try not to be mean!?? like, i did say, 'i dont hook up with anyone tho!??! i mean, really!??' i deserve too (whoa i just heard, 'i think you deserve' i had another dumb synch earlier too)....i need some moo ney!! watching undercover boss and they give them 20,000.00; 30,000.00 geez! i could of won that at comic con...sigh moss!!! wamp wamp...moss does it again. oops im being so mean to him!
uh.....i deserve some good friends, friends who LISTEN!! not just talk! friends who are friends! so dario kept saying, 'im gonna come over i just want to see you for 5 minutes' he was also talking about his girlfrind or whatever?? i mean, she was staying at another guys house, but was i supposed to be an easy target for him? he said he was driving but i ignored him and sage and i got to talking, and he txts me, saying he was on river road (my road) im like, 'im not going anywheres im going to bed'....right?? he said he was gonna go home, and i figured he would. i was like, 'you should go to sleep' then he said he was going to drive i said, 'if you are going to drive be careful' (that doesnt sound like an invite to drive to my house right?) sage and i got to talking, and i see he texted me, saying he is standing outside and can hear us talking. ming ming even ran up to the window and was looking outside. sage and i brought up slenderman, and i was NOT going to peek outside to see what ming ming was looking at, that would freak out sage! i was like, 'is he serious!?" i thought he was kidding because i did not hear his loud car parking outside. he said the guy across the street that looks like a girl was staring at him. he is a hippie guy who is our friend jens boyfriend and father of her child. he LIVES there! he is the girl jens boyfriend, and she is friends with lisa. i do not need him to tell her, and her to tell lisa, and then lisa not allowing sage to come over because some creep is looking through the windows!??! i was not going to scare sage so i didnt know what to do!? i didnt want to entice him either, i dont know him that well, what he could be capable of? i certainly did not want anyone knocking on the door that late at night!!!! i said, 'well," i started telling him, the guy might call the cops!???! it was just very weird? a few minutes later i heard a loud engine start up and he left. he started texting me like i was harassing him, and that i was being stupid, he kind of reminded me of how mike acts??? i didn't come home until late night/early morning and mike was waiting there, and he got mad and accused me of lying....and when mike turned things around to yell at me about the ebt card that HE lost!!! dario was acting like i was over-reacting then he said something about female horse shit (idk???) i dont know, i was being polite but also said that we would be crushed if something happened that sage would not be allowed to sleep over anymore. i could not sleep either! i tried too, a half hour later, i heard a loud car again, i picked out the window and i swear i saw his truck thing out there. i wasnt sure what to think? especially about how people snap, and he was drinking...what if he was pissed and decided to like, break in and harm us? i mean, who knows anymore!???!
its just extra fucking stress!!!!
eventually i heard him start his truck and leave. i dont know, just very creepy. i never told mike we hung out, i would of, but i don't want to make things weird for him and dario (dario says mike never wants to hang out with him anymore)...if i tell mike now tho, it wont look good and mike is going to think i did stuff with him, dario might even tell him we did, which rest assured we did NOT!!! i'm too fucking nice! or i seem that way.
Ming Ming and Marble
Ming Ming is so spiteful. I want marble to start feeling comfortable in this house, meaning, i want her to feel free to hang out in my room, or the living room. She hangs out in the kitchen a lot, and in the hallway. She knows this is not her house, so she tries to keep free from Beauty, the big cat. If Marble wants to get pet, she will stop us at the stairs, where we usually pet her and brush her hair. Marble never lays on my lap anymore, nor does she sleep by my head anymore, or even lay on the arm rest on the couch next to me, nor does she try to lay on the keyboard as I am typing, like she used too. She has become another cat in the house, who finds its spot, and sort of, minds her own business. The few times that she wanders into my room, or the living room, guess who is there to follow her like a nosy little pest? Ming Ming! (yesterday i was hypnotizing myself to remember the name of the van, and awoke to ming ming hacking and puking)
oh mike called me, gosh is he so thick headed. i tried asking some questions and mike is just like, 'we live in a very cruel world' sometimes, i will say something in an explanative way, and mike will say i am wrong, but then he will answer and answer in the same way i had just said it!! i would be like, 'mike! that is what i just said! dumb ass!'
he mumbled about christian, closing one of his businesses in new brunswick down. a bunch of people got indicted (in jail now). these people are like mafia type ppl, not to be messed with. christians brother had given him a laptop a while back, he said if anything happens to him the answers are on that??? the cops have it now the laptop. these ppl may have threatened him, so he did what he had to do? mike gave me a website, but its not working...auto insurance enterprise 14...(im gonna search around)
http://nj.gov/oag/newsreleases14/pr20140501
hmm mike is telling me something about insurance fraud??? i was trying to ask mike what christian could of been involved in tho to of been threatened, or who knows?!?! he said my pi references and all that do not mean anything, i said, those were only synchronicities, possibly signs from him, (both of our necks being sore), but i am not trying to be rude or disrespectful in any way. i told mike because we are lax that way, but in no way would i ever mention or bring that up to weston or susan! i have common courtesy!! i think that is my way of dealing with things. i am going to look for more information but mike will tell me more later.
fingerprints and prison
i had to go to prison today. northampton prison (i think?)...what i thought would be an quick and easy fingerprint session at the court house turned into a cat and mouse search to where we had to be. they led us to the criminal level of the courthouse, ("just follow the signs' the cop told us, well because my mom said, 'ask him,' the cop standing at the search point...tsa thing whatever. i would of followed the signs! so then, they guided us where to go, we got it wrong a few times..we saw the looming prison with the barbed wire. we also heard someone yelling...i think it was a prisoner, we had to pass the uh...whatever...the courtyards that the prisoners hang out at, with the basketball courts (no one was out there tho)...anyways, we finally got to the right spot and had to wait until they called me and this other kid. we had to walk to the prison part. he started talking to me. i didnt really feel like talking. he asked me what i was getting. 'fingerprints' for what? dui. is this your first? blah. he had drug charges. then, we had to wait for the big doors to the prison to open. young attractive prison guard type, dude. when the door open, we had to wait for the big door to shut before the gate opened. it was really weird. we were amidst the barbed wire. so, i went first. my hair looked perfectly fine long and brushed. i didnt take a shower today but my mom insisted i go today with them. i was going to wait till tomorrow so i could be showered. tomorrow my mom goes to radiation. she is so sick of eating bland. she wants it to be over with! dont blame her! i had my mugshot taken. sage said i should do my hair nice and she braided it, but the braid felt like a helmut, and i had baby hairs all over the place, and it accenutated my double chin. my hair looked fine down and brushed, my sage wanted to braid my hair...i think i would of looked ok with long hair!??! then he had to take pictures of my tattoos. i felt weird when they took pics of my weird nj and rusty tattoos. those are such distinguishlable tattoos....i already feel intrusive..so then, they sprayed my fingertips and hands and put them on the glass (they do not use ink anymore)..they had to check for warrants. the other guy , (who was in juvie for stealing a car) real quick when we were done, the next guard was this young, perky blonde girl with trident gum 80s barbie sparkling blue eyes who was cracking jokes. really? a perfect maxim hometown hottie/playmate type working as a prison guard? poor girl must get hassled and harassed every day by these prisoners. even when we were 'released' the guy who was with me said, 'i didnt expect that' i thought he was talking about the whole thing but of course he was talking about her, i was like' oh, yeah, the blonde hair girl? she must get harassed every day. but it seemed he was revealing a weird fantasy he had about her, 'i kept thinking, she could just beat me up like that'...(cuz she must be trained and with a gun too)... i really didnt feel like hearing that stuff and i just wanted to briskly walk back to my mom who was waiting in the visitors lobby, plus i was hung-gree and had to puh-pee!!!
more info about christian
mike gave me the link to the 12 indicted in the insurance fraud. they are columbian cartel. two were chiropractors, and christian had cut ties with them. (my dad is telling a story...) pause....
christian had to cut ties with them....i cant think!!?? hmm....
http://nj.gov/oag/newsreleases14/pr20140501a.html
he was involved somehow, (which was what i was trying to get at with mike but mike would rather sit and argue with me "what dont you understand?" i am trying to understand what it was and how he was involved, was he part of the fraud, and worried he was going to get arrested next, or did he know something, did he rat them out? were they out to get him? did they threaten him or put him out? i mean, you never know!?? i think christian was involved, and rather than get indicted himself, he killed himself. but who knows, that is not fair to say. he also shut down his business in new brunswick, maybe he was worried they would look for him there? i am sure police will find information on that laptop.
all in all it is very sad. i remember christian was trying to help me find work (when i was in pharm tech school) he was a dr. so he was trying to help me. he was also very polite to me, he would always give me a hug and say hi how are you, and talk to me (in a day and age where ppl do not have the common courtesy to say hi and acknowledge someone because they are too clueless too)...its just so sad tho.
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