mike woke up with a sore neck. i had a sore neck too, (if you see, i was complaining about it).
i stayed at mikes again last night. mike texted and called me, telling me weston had txted him about an emergency. i guess mike thought an emergency at the house? i was like, no, nothing here!??
then he texted me back and told me (sage talking to me)
im back...mike texted me back and said the doctor. christian. he hung himself this morning
i was like "WHAT???!!" are you serious!??? oh my gosh...its just terrible. i cant believe he did that!??! why??
i dont know i think its just awful. we were all supposed to meet at shrutyst yeah... a few weeks ago. usually it is mike and i, weston and laurinn, emily and ryan, and christian and susan, and burgess and whoever he is dating.... in fact, weston and laurin are engaged and i guess christian and susan wer getting married this summer sometimes. bu i couldnt get in because i didnt have my id. mike just helped him move. i saw him at weston and laurinns bday party tho. he was always so polite and nice with me. i still cannot believe that he would hang himself!??!
i am paying my respects, but i feel as if.....my way of trying to make sense of things is to see connections.
mike woke up with a sore neck, and as you could see in my previous blogs, i had a sore neck too.
mike wanted to get pizza, (pi) at little C. zers ceasers...
i told him about the pi
christians last name is monk..(sp) mike told me of the monks that lit themselves on FIRE protesting the vietnam war.
he mentioned killing himself too, mike has. i hope mike does not do anything...i told him it is SELFISH to kill yourself!
christian had a family, a good job, (he had two business in philly and new brunswick STRESS) also, we all felt he was not ready to get married or did not want too..
i feel terrible for susan. she must be devastated.
he hung himself tho. throat chakra. neck. mike said, 'its not all coNECKted. he was a chiropractor, dealing with necks...
after the PIzza, a VAN was outside.
when we got back to the house...mike turned the channel, and on the one channel i saw this...and i was like LOOK MIKE!! here it what was on, as soon as he turned the channel (dario texting me all the time made me forget about it)
after that, it said MANGO, while a RIHANNA song was playing!???! remember, mango and rihanna???
oh conan is on i saw paul rudd pics while i was looking for tracy morgan pics. the guest said she had a crush on conan when she was 16. i had a crush on conan when i was 15 when i first started watching conan! for real!
ill post the paul rudd pics later
um....dario keeps texting me! im focusing on this blog, the neck, throat chakras...our sore necks
mike and i....christian was a freemason. i tried to explain to mike that numerology and astrology mean something.
there was a van outside. it said, whatever it takes cleaning. mike and i were talking about understanding the full extent of things after we die. the gematria (?) meaning of life, where is christians soul now?
'whatever it takes' cleaning van eerily parked outside little caesers. seems a cryptic message?
the fan is on. its distracting my thoughts. the text msging is distracting me.
when we drove home, this rush song was on. when i googled the lyrics, i notice it said A-Z
(pi) zza (az)
((take a look at the words too. interesting))
RUSH LYRICS - Limelight - A-Z Lyrics
pizza A-Z
Living on a lighted stage
Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel
In touch with some reality
Beyond the gilded cage
Cast in this unlikely role
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact
[Chorus:]
Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme
Living in a fish eye lens
Caught in the camera eye
I have no heart to lie
I can't pretend a stranger
Is a long-awaited friend
All the world's indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another's audience
the gilded cage
another song to listen too...(sister christian song...motoring) why is the freaking FAN ON!???!
im trying to listen to the tv too!??! fan doesnt go on until time for sleep. its just annoying. txt msg ok go to sleep!??!
i think im done tho, with blogging.
i think christian is ok, but it is still so strange, someone that was alive is no longer!?? why would he do that!??!
i hope mike doesnt think anything or get any ideas. i know its hard, life is...
i mean, i have been so depressed myself, where i have no motivation.
i sleep as long as possible, i just lost any feeling for living. i dont care anymore...i am so numb and have been for so long.
i have been very depressed and i feel like my life is going downhill. i lost the sense of life
however, i WILL NEVER CONSIDER TAKING MY OWN LIFE!!! EVER!
I think christian was overwhelmed with everything on his plate...like his businesses, mike said he had 150,000.00 in student loans.
i cant make sense of it....
its just sad all in all. :(
i feel bad for his prayers to his family and susan tho mike and weston are going to suzans tomorrow to hug and give her flowers
i think it said poison on robot chicken but the fan is on and its muffling the tv since i lowered it because im trying to make it quiet so sage wont notice anything 'fresh'...
oh boy i noticed a whiskey diary and i was too busy reading the words and all of a sudden m y eyes focused on a precise pentagram with satan in middle adult swim!!??!?
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