OH NO!! it all disappearred it all disappeaed i poured my heart into a blog and it just highlighted and deleted everything i had just wrote.

everything, now gone....

throat chakra

joan rivers was very vocal. she would use her outspoken voice to express her opinions, to anything from bad fashion on the red (bloodline) carpet, to even supporting israel or going as far as calling barack obama gay and michelle a tranny. (google youtube michelle is a man for some interesting...information, from an actual criminal studies person (i cant think of the words i am trying to use sorry!!)...anyways, it shows how muscular her arms are as well as the ring finger as long as the middle finger which are traits a man has, not a woman. a woman has shorter ring finger than her middle finger...

are you serious!? mickey mouse, spongebob, and a few other cartoons were seen beating up some bystander captured on cellphone? that's right, dont trust em! there is an agenda, everywhere!!

so we all established that joan rivers was very outspoken. throat chakra...

throat chakra symbolizes the vocal cords, our voice, being outspoken.

((this was discussed in the MK/occult groups too))...robin williams was a funny, OUTSPOKEN guy.

he hung himself. his life was cut off at the throat. joan rivers died due to complications to her THROAT surgery.

mt. sinai logo is a pyramid (idk)...

the hanged man is hung, at the throat, the neck. 

like rory and her blog says, everything is coNECKted...

i wonder...robin and joan were funny people...but the time of being funny is being floated down the river....

they want us to be silenced. 

it was very odd too, i guess they chose a strange picture...to use..oh but a while back, mick jaggers wife "killed herself" by hanging herself with a scarf, l'wren scott...

wren and williams

i decided to google their last names as one name, and as i was typing 'scott wil..' google brought up scott wilson. what was odd was mike and i were watching the walking dead, and we watched the scene SPOILER where herschel got beheaded...so scott wilson is the actor...scott wil...(combo of wren and robin??) birds sing!?? lol i dk

odd...

now.......im not sure anymore....
ill be back
































 

i feel so....haphazard

Hey so......the weather has been so nice. It is depressing however, because I just sit around, doing nothing. Shannan called me and told me that her work is hiring...well that Joe's steak shop is hiring. (Not Life Choices)...right now, I don't mind working at a steak shop...whatever! anything!! just want to start saving up money and working!!! but moss bought me a ticket...to go out to LA. he just suggested it, and the next day boredom perceived me...or whatever...and so......i was like, 'ok than' but the more i thought about it, the more i am starting to realize that i am not prepared, mentally or financially, to head out there.
you see, not only am i broke as a joke, i am sick of hanging out too. moss is like, "you are not coming out here to hang out you are coming out here to work" he keeps insisting on a job in entertainment...

LA entertainment employment agency...and regency

i am just not ready to commit to living out there if i do get a job out there!?? i mean, i dont know......its a commitment. i have things here i am doing, such as applying for medicaid, and i want to go to jays book signing in NYC on the 21st. that sounds like fun! its gonna be sci-fi writers and all. plus the tim and eric and dr steve brule tour, and NYCC. (i will be back for those although)..

i just........sigh...idk, i really feel it is pointless to go out there right now. moss does not seem to understand this, and he further re-iterates that he does not respect me when he makes statements such as ,"i have known you for 7 years and what have you accomplished out there?" that was a very rude statement. he seems to think he needs to help me, when i honestly am not asking for help. 

i do not feel mentally prepared. if i had savings in the bank, yes. if i had a professional wardrobe, yes. if i had a polished hairstyle, yes. yes yes yes, IF i was strutting with some stride. i even made a joke to moss, (not sure if or how he got it), he brought up michael lippman and i was like, "see, i would be good if i had that bravado of buying wine, cheese and olive platters like "pimp sugar daddy" michael lipman, or if i had the "Big Eddie stride" that Eddie and mindy have when they stride into big events and awards show, or if i had that "Moss like swagger" like how Moss swags his style of low strung no belt levi's, black shirt, and white keds, as he confidently struts to the bank, post office and walmart to do his money order thing, all the while asking everyone questions and speaking a few lines in their language. he can afford to be all like, 'hey im me this is who i am' ...see, i would be like that too, IF i had the confidence, and having money in the bank (to me) will give me confidence.

i know a homeless slob can 

im back. things i want to do...go to the eagles game with mike, larin and weston this sunday. go to jays writers book signing at the sci fi writers convention in NYC, go the to the tim and eric steve brule show in PA...things i could care less about, 'eating dinner that i have trouble choosing on at the rainbow with moss and whatever (chicken ceaser salads, heavy pastas, soups...i never know what to order), waste time while i should be looking for jobs and work, also taking care of medicaid, health insurance, my health, legal matters, working, saving up money, paying my surcharge, getting a valid PA license updated..i told moss now is just not the right time to go! i know moss wants to help me, but he isnt helping me at this moment because i have business i need to adhere too while i am out here! i just cant get up and go out there now.

what if i do get a good job out there? i cannot commit to a job because i will need to be back out here for my sentencing, and no  i will not be a fugitive.

mike is now mad at me and doesnt want to bring me to the eagles game. i know it doesnt make sense for me to run out there. i mean, i like being free and able to do it, but i simply do not have any money in my bank account!!

i told moss that i am interested in going there, but not now. like i was attempting to say, when i have a buffer of money squirreled away, when i am on top of my game, when i have the confidence that comes along with having a buffer of money. going out broke as a joke and robbed like a slob, not to mention my health is pretty bad. i feel so run down and drained...i need to get my bloodwork and thyroid taken care of. i do want to go out there, but when i have my own Lori Brown swagger, and right now, i truly do not have that. now i have double chin, muffin top, scroungy hair, drained energy, no money, pending sentencing going on..im in bad shape, mentally and physically...im in bad shape....

and i am seriously depressed. i sometimes wish, fuck it, phuket, i will just run away......but i dont run from my problems. i have to adhere from them, be a big girl..(big girls dont cry) idk...but yeah...i have to be an adult, take care of what i have too.

fucking dui shit, all those problems, not to mention community service and AA meetings (most likely)...i dont even drink anymore tho...

it has been so nice out. i contacted adam and he said yesterday he was free so we could do something, so i showered and got ready, but i couldnt get a hold of him!?? i was looking forward to a nice motorcycle ride.

he never responded back. i knew i shouldnt of, but it was so nice out. i dont drink anymore, so i dont hang out with the likes of jimmy or dario, but i msgd dario for some reason and he was like ok what do you want to do? well....i said i could use a quesadilla, but i dont have money so dario picked me up with his big loud truck littered with trash, kind of...he was drinking a pabst already and offered me one, so i kind of obligingly taken it and sipped at it...we ended up going to riverside. he bought a pitcher, and we sat outside but we were by fat spiders and it was getting chilly so we went inside. i didnt really drink that much. im not sure how much he drank before me, i had like, two beers..i guess...well, must of been 3 with the one i had in the truck...he bought another pitcher so i had another beer or so..i wasnt feeling the effects tho. we split a chicken quesadilla and we left after all that. i was ready to go home tbh, idk, i wasnt feeling it, he kept saying unnecessary things like about how hot i looked and i was thinking, ok i have to go home plus i wanted to go home too. well, he drove to the liquor store to buy another 6 pack and a pack of cigarettes. he offered me a cigarette and i just took it even tho i felt like i was eating tomacco..i was ready to go home for real but he pulled by the railroad tracks we went on the tracks it was dark but the moon was illuminating the tracks which were pretty cool, i did drink a beer even tho i didnt want too...it was cold and he was getting drunk so i was like, im going home...

he offered me another beer so i opened it but i never drank it...i must of drank a 6 pack i suppose but it  didnt affect me at all i wasnt drunk or really buzzed just cold and bored. since he was drunk i gave him a pillow and blanket to crash on the couch he was being annoying so finally i went upstairs! he kept trying to grab me and i really hate that. i dont like when guys get pushy its not very respectful. even jimmy never tries when we would hang out, he would just txt me things but i can never see me with those guys. i am very picky.

i am comfortable with mike. i love him. i mean, i hate the way he can be a jerk tho, but he was nice this weekend...but now hes mean again, because moss bought me a ticket. i want to go to that eagles game.

i dont like drinking tho, idk...its pointless. plus i hate waking up feeling all yucky ya know!??? and hungoverish.......and drained of energy...blahhhhh

anyways........i went for a walk today that helped me feel good. i feel so...idk...i just feel drained, imagine how i would feel if i drank!??

i feel like i am just......disappearing!??

some walking dead

ok this weekend i re-watched some of season 4 again, because mike wasnt able to watch...anyways, the girl in the painting...the MKish...pic...

MiKa and her lil sis, uh...forget her name now?

i think MiKa was programmed...to think that the walkers are her friends. if this is so, than someone...would of known about this outbreak and littered some people with this programming....for some reason...?? she had psychotic tendencies, and often had to be coached/comforted by lizzie to 'look at the flowers'..

i found an odd pic...but i also seen questions leading to maybe the pic is for that woman at terminus, who was cooking...something!??!

also, the last episode...spoilers for anyone who hasnt seen the season ending of whatever

k so......it kept showing flashbacks, of when life was good for them, at the prison. you see, and i was telling mike this, they were not 'advertising' TERMINUS! A SANCTUARY FOR ALL' in fact they were very wary about bringing anyone in to their good arrangement at the prison! so why!??! why would some terminus place be advertising? setting a trap!??! yup!

heres the MKish pic

oh here is the moss walker

moss walker

just overheard this on this china il adult swim show, (i am re-reading that orange blog just because...) anyways i am at the pigs part
oh because i want to see what cancer symbolizes

i overheard, 'first one of you pigs (oh there are wild boars...) first one who catches one of these pigs gets a weekend in furlough

furlough is on the show too....when piper goes away on furlough

it was just another synch

moss wants me to go out there..now!?? 
i really dont want to tho. and what if i get a job like he seems to think? then i am stuck out there...oh well i can work and save up money true...

true true true

*taps pencil on desk*

but....i will be sleeping on his couch. he says he will buy me a ticket, in two weeks. if i dont get a job, then i come back

what?? i looked up at this bump it said something like, comfy couches or something about couches?? i didnt understand it??

cant i just be in charge of my life why do i have to sleep on moss's couch!?? i dont like it on his couch. its not soft or comfy. its worn, and about 20 years old. its worn black 'leather'....its too short for my legs. moss likes "too short" he likes the episode of entourage, from 10 years ago..where that song was playing.

moss lives in the past. he is not up to date.

moss walker.

zombie coincedence?

so....hmm.....

i heard of this big 'tidal wave' of all these celebrities "hacked" nude leaked selfies...hmm

i was just like, 'oh garsh"

the likes of lets see....kate upton, jennifer lawrence, a bunch of ppl i never heard of, and like...i dont know...um...ariana grande

so anyways...i really was not going to go searching on the internet for these photos...i just thought it was a tidal wave leak of all these MK kittens, but i started seeing on fb...(the private groups you know, that i was added to thanks to kim...um..and the other group...and someone from each group posted a pic..one posted one of the jennifer lawrence ones, and someone other group posted a link um..those life pegs look like skinny penis's wow ok so..

yeah , wow..(bar raefael) um yeah......he posted for pirate bay my friend downloads movies off pirate bay so out of curiousity i asked him to download them so he did and drop boxed them to me.

see here is the thing...i am NOT going to put ANY OF THOSE PICS HERE ON THIS BLOG!! ok!??!? 

but, this is where its kind of weird...coincendence?

robot chicken is on of course...

so, 4chan was the one who had these pics posted...

one of the girls, (who i never heard of...i am going to google who she is tho)

jennifer BROWN finlay...the first two pics was a penis over one of her EYES....i was like, is that a msg?? i mean, over her EYE?? 

and the name, brown...(kind of like how i think vh1 unblurred the crotch of the one girl i really did know, from that show naked dating?? )

this jennifer brown finlay girl also had some video clips, and it was very weird. she was drugged up and talking about how funny it was....well, ughh....i dont know!? i felt like i was peeking into someone elses life looking through these photos and video clips...

like i am looking into someone elses private life..

i was looking through teresa palmers pics, and she was at a nice tropical resort (where one would assume a big shot celebrity would go too), but i was like, 'who is she?' she looked like the girl from the 'warm bodies' movie tho...

so i googled it, and she is in fact the girl from that zombie movie, warm bodies

at that moment, i wondered, 'who??? who "hacked" and i looked up and saw seth green wearing an adult swim hoodie on robot chicken, and some of the other creators and writers from adult swim and robot chicken...i mean, i know they go on the adult swim site, and that is where i first heard of 4chan....but...in the robot chicken show, they were all ZOMBIES!??! like the movie...warm bodies...

all of these leaked photos were just of 'warm bodies' beta alters??

next folder (i didnt look) was victoria JUSTICE

as i was reading JUSTICE i heard them say JUSTICE  on ROBOT CHICKEN

then he said 'coincedence"

just found it very bizarre!??!? 

ill be back later..i think

more synchs

so i watched the episode where they take a look at the sister, i wish i could of snapped some pictures but i was watching it with mike...

i took mental notes...

i heard the friend, oh what is her name??? pipers friend....or so she thought...anyways, she had used the word 'reciprocity' i was like, 'hey mike they are using your wordi!'

also, SPOILERS, in this episode, red actually thinks the one 'elder' is the 'judas' she said it herself. and piper (i think) was like, so what, are you supposed to be Jesus??

i just laughed because that was my idea, remember? well i mean, the idea must of been planted in my head oh also, in no way am i trying to take credit for anyone elses work. i enjoy reading the synchromiss blog and the synchronicites are helping me see things in that way, although i would never see them as she sees them, but it opens my eyes and i am getting it more...but i am also seeing things through my eyes, and i see how it works, writing these storylines with all of this extra stuff woven in..aided by the help of whom tho?

sister ingalls was a nun, but she wrote a book....and it did show, that she even said she felt like Christ did not speak to her, (maybe he "mumbled" to her) mumbled! like mike does!??!

she even flashed the 'peace' sign a bunch of times...the "V" sign, but in the end, her protest did not work out the way she was hoping it too....which would of made her hunger strike effective...

the two nutty ones, well, the ones who didnt understand it, got tempted by "Little Ceasers" pizza. little ceasers!! LOL! like mike likes! i was like, look mike little ceasers!!

ceaser must mean something tho. i think i seen it in rorys blog...CREDO!! i always link to her blog. once again, not trying to take credit for anyone elses work

they also said poison again...radiation poisoning..


ok ill be bac