PISSED AT ADBRITE

I WAS USING ADS TO PUBLISH FOR ADBRITE AND THEY OWE ME MONEY LOOKS LIKE IM NOT THE ONLY ONE PISSED! THEY NEED TO PAY US OUR MONEY!

THEY JUST DISAPPEARED WITHOUT WARNING

 http://techcrunch.com/2013/01/28/adbrite-shut-down/

READ THE COMMENTS! (SUCH AS

adbrite are assholes, they took all earnings from publishers and didnt pay them out, thats a nice little bonus they had for closing the company down, they took the earnings from advertisers and then didnt bother paying us publishers

http://gaming.ihacksrepo.com
http://ihacksrepo.com/forum/

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CarlGrant Feb 10, 2013

This is so annoying they done this they owed me earnings since novembers ( $16,000 ) decembers ( $14,000 ) and Januarys ( $13,656 ) So everyone moaning about just $500 makes me laugh.

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Pres1617 Feb 8, 2013

Adbrite still owe me 450.00 bucks..not counting on receiving that money now....http://thesestreetsaretalking.blogspot.com/

meaningless life

i have never felt so meaningless about life till lately. lately i just feel...meaningless. i feel like i have nothing going for me. the weekend is almost here and i know mike will kick me out or we are just not going to do anything. i miss feeling attractive and being attracted to someone. its been so long. im not doing anything? i have no gameplan either. i dont know about the valley beat because thats alot of hours to help out in the office to get a photoshoot..in fact, i never even heard of that? as far as the agency goes, like i said, i doubt CSI or any of those shows would want to use me. i would do it, hell yeah, but am i really that type? the type to play a dead body? would i really be able to lay there like a dead body? kidding, of course i would! sigh...sigh....WHAT DREAMS MAY COME

uh...none? HA! i had a dream about zombies...(hmm wonder why? its always on tv and everywhere) and that the zombies were going to take over and i was just waiting for them to get me and hopefully it wouldn't hurt too bad. how would you die? if zombies were eating you?? when they bite into your neck? what if they bite your tits (idk?? why am i thinking this?) bite your stomach, arms etc...sure it hurts and scares the shit out of you, but you don't die right away...

bleghh...life is lame. boring. im sick of it.

satanic ritual abuse

i've been reading this...it makes me wonder, but i can see how it happens and i can see how they think that lifestyle is ok its because it is all they know...im just going this link just not sure, i guess i should read cathy o'brien tranceformation of america..

http://www.reflectionsinthenight.com/walpurgisnacht_baby.htm

hey thar!??!

so um....i dont know what to do with my life all i know is i cannot continue doing nothing. its gotten to a point where i may run into someone from my past and they wont even bother asking me, 'what do you now' because im basically a loser who has nothing going for myself. i have no projects to brag or boast about. its not that i am a slacker, that i am not. its that...well, im stuck, and i have this sort of..metaphysical innate energy which seems to glue myself where i am at. i really need to do something however. i need work, i need projects, i need to be the sort of person with many different things going on in my life. i need to write.

so i asked mike what he wanted for dinner he says 'mango coconut shrimp' even tho i was going to make salmon because i want to eat healthy. he thinks i should give him 40.00 from my food thing so he can get food for himself. i mean, this is all fictitious btw...yeah so, i want to use my card to get myself healthy foods. that can go towards me and healthy eats because i want to eat good and what not.

so i posted on facebook, 'on the menu tonight: spicy mango coconut shrimp with lime jasmine rice'...and ppl were like, 'why do you make all these fancy foods? do everyone a favor and stop posting fancy food, us poor ppl cant eat like that!" i wouldnt of made that, but mike wanted it i would of just made salmon, rice, and broccoli or something..but also, matts like, 'us hard working people have to give you lazy mooching off the government ppl blah blah blah' you know, its not fucking easy~! i have BEEN TRYING TO GET A JOB! DAMNET! I APPLY TO SO MANY FUCKING PLACES! I WENT TO INTERVIEWS. THIS AND THAT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ITS NOT LIKE IM TRYING TO BE A FUCKING LOSER AND IM SICK OF THIS SHIT! I WISH I COULD CHANGE MY LIFE BUT I CANT. EVERY DAY I TRY TO THINK OF SOMETHING I COULD DO...I HAVE NO CLUE!? I JUST DO NOT KNOW!?????????????

i dont know!??? search for answers? come on now. oh you know whats weird? i bought a star magazine because of all the seriously (kim says seriously all the time its really annoying...srzly rilly annoying)

seriously skinny scary celebs or whatever...all bones i feel bad because its part of their programming..honestly i dont even know? this could all be some sort of plan..they probably dont even have alters or other personalities but i want to find out? i want to ask someone who might be able to tell me? who knows? but yeah remember i mentioned liam mcmullan or mcmillan or whatever his name is? so star magazine says he was dating lindsey lohan and the two of them got pink tattoos that the inscription was WHAT DREAMS MAY COME so now im like, interested in msging him...so i did...(i had to pay 1.00 USD thanks facebook!)..i saw the he 'seen' the question...so if he replies, yeah i doubt it. figured i would try tho.

oh and btw, the mango coconut shrimp was yum.

it really was. what a life huh? my life is so lame and pointless. i dont even know what to do with myself. mike has been saying he...nevermind. im trying to turn my life into a movie (at least then its more interesting, right?)

yeah...no. not really...

The valley BEAT!

as i said, i am interested in being one of the model of the week girls, which i can be...however...comes with a bit of trial and error. so its a modeling agency, 'donatelli modeling agency' (old fashioned site here http://donatellimodels.com/ )

so like, he wanted to see me in person and talk to me, so i was like alright. reading is an hour away. its far. i like reading it seems like a cool town, but mike said its crime rate is actually higher then philly. 

i know i went with darla to a strip club there (i couldnt get in cuz i didnt have my ID...damn jerks) i had to wait in the car.

so....the agency is kind of messy. its a studio/office/lots of boxes full of paperwork, mess...um...im not going to really explain everything ( i dont want to blog about it you know?) the guy who runs it is nice and pleasant, he is in a wheelchair but can walk? he said he died 11 times? heart attacks and stuff. he seems like a nice man tho. a few other of the peeps walked in..you know..modeling agency stuff. i have never really tried to get with an agency because frankly, i know off the bat they aren't going to use me. i mean, nothing bad, i just know better then that. he said they want to use age 30+ for shows such as CSI, that new bodies show with luke perry, law and order (they need people to be a dead body on the autopsy table and such..) which is fine with me, i can do that. im getting hungry now!? i cant think!! i had tomato soup for lunch. carrots and hummus...

if i can get a job to do that then sure i will! i can freeze on cue. i want to be featured in the valley beat tho. it would be neat i think. 

he said the photoshoot is 500 so i would have to work it off. ha! meaning, data entry, computer, cleaning around the cluttered office...and he said 8.00 an hour, so what the heck? reading is very far...you know? so weird...right?? i want to google around...valley beat girls. not now tho im really hungry and need to figure out what im going to make for dinner. he said i could stay there and crash on the couches and help out for a few days. i dont know...im kind of too old to follow pipe dreams..but it would be cool to be in valley beat!??

ha! anyways...i got to go. oh yeah i want to lose weight in fact i NEED to i am so sick of wearing these disgusting clothes i need more loose, comfy flowing clothes, leggings, long shirts...vests...i dont want to wear tight fitting clothing, boyfriend jeans are fine, i want to tone up and embrace my body type, which is nice arms, nice chest, i want nice defined arms, i have a bigger butt my mom bought me underwear for the cruise in small. im not a small anymore! im bigger. i used to be skinny skinny...im not now! im not afraid to share my measurements...(i had to get my measurements done which was kind of weird)...im like, 160 pounds according to their scale WOW!???????? 38-31-41....((not everyone is 34-24-36 thats just...no...shake me head no...thats a myth where all thinnish looking women are 34-24-36...)) but i fully intend to flush out toxins...i'll write about it later..if not for my own sake. 

i just need to head out to giant now   
 




  

journal pt 2

ok hey. so...let's see here. so mike kicked me out which is fine by me, i aint gonna pay rent ok? but did he really kick me out? of course not! in fact, im sitting in the living room typing this shit up now!?? its ok tho, i still need to take the time off to figure out what i want to do, and what i want to do is lose weight and buy new, comfy clothes because i feel like shit now. also eat better...

so friday he wanted me out...so i had nothing to do so jimmy from the delaware texted me and said he was having a campfire and beers. i was like, 'aight, i aint doin nuttin' now, foo'...yeah so...i walked down to meet jimmy we chilled out by the river, drank some dos equis and made a fire with the dog, handsome zues. you know, jimmy's a good catch. he is a total wilderness kind of guy who knows how to rough it, he's cool. he isn't threatening, hes sort of a squidbillies/young harvey keitel type, (i watched a movie called blue collar which reminded me of him)...i'm not interested in him tho. you know, you can tell when you are attracted to someone and im just not interested in him, he does a nice body tho...i'm not really attracted to that 'hot body/extremely good looking type of guys' tho...

im just attracted to a guy who might be kind of goofy, but in a cute way...someone who is actually interested in me, not just wants to get in my pants...oh hell no! i like a guy who is happy to be hanging out with me and listen to me talk and vice versa, you can just tell when you feel that attraction and frankly i haven't felt that in a LONG TIME!!! >:( and i think im cute, fun, funny, silly...interesting etc...so...anyways)

it started to get cold so we went back to the house and had a beer i called up an old friend from school days, jen...she told me to call her so thats cool. i might hang out with her this thursday, trivia night or something? shrug

i started to get tired tho so i went home. oh earlier that night i did msg john (to see if he wanted to hang out??) he said he was out of town. he also said he is seeing someone too so i was like, 'oh that sucks. well we could just chill' so he said yeah txt him after monday. who knows...i just want to hang out with him??? is that so wrong. i mean...ehhh who cares, right???

i was going to call him but figured i shouldn't...i did call mike he didnt answer. he said marble was limping. he was bullshitting me. apparently mike went to your welcome inn by himself like he has been doing alot of lately. he never wants to hang out with me but of course he can go to your welcome inn.

lame! 

saturday was a nice day and i wanted to take a walk, so...jimmy said he wanted to but he wanted to drink and i really did not want to drink, i sort of had a hangover and plus i wanted to wake up to go to church on Easter Sunday. So i went to mikes because he said he would want to take a walk. so we took a nice 2 mile walk on the pathway up here. i love taking walks! it just makes me feel happy! 

he wanted me to stay and watch a movie so we watched 'blue collar' then he wanted me to sleep over so i did, went to bed early, 1130...woke up next morning to pick up my mom and go to church. we didn't go to the easter brunch they had tho. church was nice. i think i want to start going more. my dad sang haha. we also had coffee afterwards and spoke to some people. i felt very teary eyed when he said, 'does anyone want to come up and give your life completely to the Lord?" i was about too...but i didn't. There's alot of things I want to change. Oh yeah, an old friend's sister was there. About 10 years ago, when i used to go out with Glenn, part of the crew was skinny little Rich Rau...and back then we used to all drink and get drunk, smoke pot, sometimes do coke...(at one point rich and glens brother joel was smoking crack. im not ashamed to say i tried it just because it was...ugh! i would never touch cocaine or any of that shit again)...i wasnt a crackhead oh hell no! and i never payed for drugs! you know, i remember doing coke at parties and it didn't seem like a big deal, i liked how it felt to snort up a carefully cut out white line. i liked the way it made me feel and we used to sniff a bit of beer to help it go down. we used to party alot of places too, peoples houses..in our cars and trucks, in the cornfields. it was fun tho, exciting..there were other girls around, i mean we were young 20s. we also went to outdoor bonfire parties, where they would use those um...i forget what they are called!?? pallets, yep...i dont miss party days but with mike gosh, he makes me feel so old. 

i still wouldn't mind a party here or there but hell no i am not going to do drugs. even smoking pot, its like...eh

when i hung out with my girl friends (after glenn and i broke up) we would be in situations with guys giving us free coke and it was bad. they wanted to get with us of course, and before we knew it, sun was coming out and thats when the paranoid feelings started dropping like bad drugs dripping....and the nasal passageways would be all gummied up at that point...i remember driving around trying to crash at a friends house at 745 in the morning because i was too afraid to go home to my parents house. it was bad! the most i stayed up was 2 nights, and after no sleep your miind is not quite your midn....ya know what i mean?

im so glad i dont do that shit anymore!! srzly...that stuff is NASTY!! 

why was i talking about drugs?? oh yeah, cuz of rich. he was homeless for a bit and he would stay at his abandoned house (his big family got evicted)...he also lived in a tent in a field way far in the woods. he had a tough life. well his sister, (who is older and i remember going to her 30th party where it was a party...drinking, pot you know?) now she is saved and goes to my parents church, and she says rich got saved, (got a history degree wants to be a history teacher like AJ is doing) even tho he still questions the Bible...the brother went to rehab...the mom died. sad..i remember the mother she used to chain smoke and stay on the internet all day. she was a Christian tho, she got saved. Amen!

it just brought me back to those times. i was thinking about calling Glenn but i havent. i think that family, well, i know they still are drinkers. havent talked to glenn in a while but hear joel did jail time or something? weird.

so mike later came over and we went to lisas for Easter dinner...matts mom was there..oh i have pics!? hmm yeah so..i should upload them and tag my family...turkey, mashed pots, gravy, green beans, candied yams, croissants (that we all had trouble rolling?)

LOL see it sounded like i was talking about drugs again..."mashed pots"? had trouble rolling!?? HA! a little subliminal reminders i suppose just happened!??!
ok so now for part 2

or i will just make a new blog post for dat...yah  

  





 


      







 

dior poison bag from tila

ha! i would get this bag...but i dont want to subject myself to ebay cuz...well...maybe in a few days. it just looks kind of dirty/grungy

http://www.ebay.com/itm/CHRISTIAN-DIOR-POISON-CANVAS-PURSE-WALLET-TILA-TEQUILA-/251251410607?pt=US_CSA_WH_Handbags&hash=item3a7fc046af