ok hey. so...let's see here. so mike kicked me out which is fine by me, i aint gonna pay rent ok? but did he really kick me out? of course not! in fact, im sitting in the living room typing this shit up now!?? its ok tho, i still need to take the time off to figure out what i want to do, and what i want to do is lose weight and buy new, comfy clothes because i feel like shit now. also eat better...
so friday he wanted me out...so i had nothing to do so jimmy from the delaware texted me and said he was having a campfire and beers. i was like, 'aight, i aint doin nuttin' now, foo'...yeah so...i walked down to meet jimmy we chilled out by the river, drank some dos equis and made a fire with the dog, handsome zues. you know, jimmy's a good catch. he is a total wilderness kind of guy who knows how to rough it, he's cool. he isn't threatening, hes sort of a squidbillies/young harvey keitel type, (i watched a movie called blue collar which reminded me of him)...i'm not interested in him tho. you know, you can tell when you are attracted to someone and im just not interested in him, he does a nice body tho...i'm not really attracted to that 'hot body/extremely good looking type of guys' tho...
im just attracted to a guy who might be kind of goofy, but in a cute way...someone who is actually interested in me, not just wants to get in my pants...oh hell no! i like a guy who is happy to be hanging out with me and listen to me talk and vice versa, you can just tell when you feel that attraction and frankly i haven't felt that in a LONG TIME!!! >:( and i think im cute, fun, funny, silly...interesting etc...so...anyways)
it started to get cold so we went back to the house and had a beer i called up an old friend from school days, jen...she told me to call her so thats cool. i might hang out with her this thursday, trivia night or something? shrug
i started to get tired tho so i went home. oh earlier that night i did msg john (to see if he wanted to hang out??) he said he was out of town. he also said he is seeing someone too so i was like, 'oh that sucks. well we could just chill' so he said yeah txt him after monday. who knows...i just want to hang out with him??? is that so wrong. i mean...ehhh who cares, right???
i was going to call him but figured i shouldn't...i did call mike he didnt answer. he said marble was limping. he was bullshitting me. apparently mike went to your welcome inn by himself like he has been doing alot of lately. he never wants to hang out with me but of course he can go to your welcome inn.
lame!
saturday was a nice day and i wanted to take a walk, so...jimmy said he wanted to but he wanted to drink and i really did not want to drink, i sort of had a hangover and plus i wanted to wake up to go to church on Easter Sunday. So i went to mikes because he said he would want to take a walk. so we took a nice 2 mile walk on the pathway up here. i love taking walks! it just makes me feel happy!
he wanted me to stay and watch a movie so we watched 'blue collar' then he wanted me to sleep over so i did, went to bed early, 1130...woke up next morning to pick up my mom and go to church. we didn't go to the easter brunch they had tho. church was nice. i think i want to start going more. my dad sang haha. we also had coffee afterwards and spoke to some people. i felt very teary eyed when he said, 'does anyone want to come up and give your life completely to the Lord?" i was about too...but i didn't. There's alot of things I want to change. Oh yeah, an old friend's sister was there. About 10 years ago, when i used to go out with Glenn, part of the crew was skinny little Rich Rau...and back then we used to all drink and get drunk, smoke pot, sometimes do coke...(at one point rich and glens brother joel was smoking crack. im not ashamed to say i tried it just because it was...ugh! i would never touch cocaine or any of that shit again)...i wasnt a crackhead oh hell no! and i never payed for drugs! you know, i remember doing coke at parties and it didn't seem like a big deal, i liked how it felt to snort up a carefully cut out white line. i liked the way it made me feel and we used to sniff a bit of beer to help it go down. we used to party alot of places too, peoples houses..in our cars and trucks, in the cornfields. it was fun tho, exciting..there were other girls around, i mean we were young 20s. we also went to outdoor bonfire parties, where they would use those um...i forget what they are called!?? pallets, yep...i dont miss party days but with mike gosh, he makes me feel so old.
i still wouldn't mind a party here or there but hell no i am not going to do drugs. even smoking pot, its like...eh
when i hung out with my girl friends (after glenn and i broke up) we would be in situations with guys giving us free coke and it was bad. they wanted to get with us of course, and before we knew it, sun was coming out and thats when the paranoid feelings started dropping like bad drugs dripping....and the nasal passageways would be all gummied up at that point...i remember driving around trying to crash at a friends house at 745 in the morning because i was too afraid to go home to my parents house. it was bad! the most i stayed up was 2 nights, and after no sleep your miind is not quite your midn....ya know what i mean?
im so glad i dont do that shit anymore!! srzly...that stuff is NASTY!!
why was i talking about drugs?? oh yeah, cuz of rich. he was homeless for a bit and he would stay at his abandoned house (his big family got evicted)...he also lived in a tent in a field way far in the woods. he had a tough life. well his sister, (who is older and i remember going to her 30th party where it was a party...drinking, pot you know?) now she is saved and goes to my parents church, and she says rich got saved, (got a history degree wants to be a history teacher like AJ is doing) even tho he still questions the Bible...the brother went to rehab...the mom died. sad..i remember the mother she used to chain smoke and stay on the internet all day. she was a Christian tho, she got saved. Amen!
it just brought me back to those times. i was thinking about calling Glenn but i havent. i think that family, well, i know they still are drinkers. havent talked to glenn in a while but hear joel did jail time or something? weird.
so mike later came over and we went to lisas for Easter dinner...matts mom was there..oh i have pics!? hmm yeah so..i should upload them and tag my family...turkey, mashed pots, gravy, green beans, candied yams, croissants (that we all had trouble rolling?)
LOL see it sounded like i was talking about drugs again..."mashed pots"? had trouble rolling!?? HA! a little subliminal reminders i suppose just happened!??!
ok so now for part 2
or i will just make a new blog post for dat...yah
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