today

so today i woke up at 9 am, made an important phone call in regards to my food stamp interview (they still haven't called me back)..i also made a shake with a banana, some frozen mixed berries, and some milk, also a peice of rye toast with coconut oil instead of butter (s'good!). i drove up to allentown to fill out an application for a warehouse..(who knows?), i got back around noon and made lunch-baby spinach, blackberries, handful blue cheese crumbles, walnuts, raspberry walnut vinegraitte, also munched on a few carrots, also did a apple cider vinegar shot. layed down on couch, watched tmz, watched nation, watched judge alex, fell asleep for a nap...woke up went downstairs to watch 'walking dead' on netflix (well!? i hear everyone talking about the walking dead!?? so i watched the 2nd episode--watched the other one  a day or so ago--laughed when they had to hit the dead body to get blood and guts so they can satanically put it on them, i laughed when i kept hearing them gasp in horror and when they someone kept putting an intestine on the asian kid. i dont know i just thought that part was funny! after that, watched 'bar rescue' on the hi-def for a show, they started showing sopping sandwiches which made me very hungry so i went upstairs and toasted rye and melted roast beef w/ provolone and added balsamic vinegar and wrapped toast. 

watched rest of the bar rescue then washed the dishes. decided to take a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood (no matter what i cant seem to write neighbourhood correctly!? neighborhood... oh...that must be it...some guys drove by and made a monstrous zombie noise at me? i was wearing my def lepperd shirt and black corduroys and converse and felt skanky...but i wanted to take a walk! i really want to get good fitting sneakers, workout equipment, good mp3 player with armband..sunglasses? baseball hat? but at least im getting out there and walking. a few skateboard kids skateboarded by ha

when i got home i was so hot that i took a shower. then i tried on some new leggings i got in the mail. one fits fine the other is too tight. i have 3 leggings that i ordered that don't fit, (they were cheap tho), so i'm just going to give them to sage. she'll like them.

so then, just went online for a bit and mike called and wanted me to make the frozen kung pao chicken he picked up even tho i said i was going to make shrimp with coconut oil and kale. im so mad. i was going to make jasmine rice because kung pao chicken is chinese food so jasmine would go with it but mike made the rice he made spanish rice? why would you....make spanish rice with kung pao chicken? i was really mad at him for not thinking. the flavors do not compliment each other at all, not to mention by him requesting that frozen crap, it really ruined my diet. i tell him time and time again, i do not want to eat that kind of food. 

he also has no regard to anything i have to say, he threw out a bag of womens world magazines and other magazines and i told him not too bcuz i was going to cut out hints and put them in a scrapbook. he heard me tell him that yet he still threw it out. not to mention all the times he destroyed my belongings that i really liked.

also, this morning i had a nightmare...and i started moaning to wake up (i had a dream where i was in a woods, i was helping these kids, i was like a teacher or something, i had a career. i was a career woman! so i looked up and i saw these bears, but then the bears turned into tree people, and i told the kids to run to the car, this big old boat car...and i tried to drive away and get the other people so we can drive away, but these tree people (white bark, scary faces, stumps and branches for legs and arms) were coming close and i backed up and hit another tree...and i wanted to run them over but i started trying to wake myself up, and mike woke me up. he was like, 'your having a bad dream?" so, i like to take a few moments to think about my dream and not just wake up to a serious conversation, you know? i like to call it 'morning talk' where you groggily explain your dream and just...talk but not talk..but mike didn't want to hear my dream and he just placated or that other word...i cant think?? i dont know right now? where he is not listening but pretending too...before i go to bed i always think about how mike and i never have conversation we never have real conversation at all! i tell him all the time that i am not happy, i do not feel fulfilled...he doesn't make me feel good. he doesn't make me feel alive, even shannan said i'm not the same person anymore, i have no spark...i'm just...living...shuffling around like one of those zombies, or a treeperson.

i need a change! oh yeah, we also went to downtown easton by the free bridge and walked across to nj, (i love summer warm nights!)
there is something so romantic about the summer, the magic in the air! i just want to have someone to hang out with and chill and someone who is cool. even just a friend. i mean, a summer romance would be ideal, but even a chill, fun friend...someone who doesn't annoy me. someone that both of us can have flowing conversation with most of the time i dont even bother saying what is on my mind because most ppl don't even listen...most ppl don't seem to have the ability to even realize...whatever...

so...im really tired. i think thats it. oh yeah we watched this movie from the 90s called 'slacker' on netflix...it would be annoying to live in that world, its the voice of the screenwriter being spoken through many of the possessed like characters (possessed like that movie about the demon...and the take a walk video in how it will follow one person to the next to the next so forth and so forth) with a bit of a conspiracy new world order msg behind it.

speaking of...how many kids now shooting...and stabbings...

ok enough ok i want that salty type of fish...its a dried salty fish...its asian i had it before but i dont know what kind of fish it is some small little fish...and its dried and salty and crunchy! good!