i so tired!!

i need a nap! so, i knew i had an interview this morning at 10, but i was worried that i wouldn't be able to sleep. i was up chatting with kim, and she stays up late even tho she gets up around 7am to get the boys ready for school then she goes to work herself. so, around 210 am i decided to attempt to try to sleep. now, usually, i fall asleep within an hour and a half after i lay down...sometime mike snores sometimes hes quiet. marble also likes to lay down right next to my face too. well, last night mike was quiet and marble was laying next to me. my mind was still active. i couldn't sleep!!!??? i move around and shift alot, and thats what i was doing..shifting and moving. i tried to sleep, but i just could not!?!? i got up to use the bathroom and saw that it was 430. this made me feel restless. i got back into bed but couldn't fall asleep. i was thinking mikes alarm would go off anytime. so i got up and went to sleep on the couch in the living room. the wind was moving the window and being loud. 430 turned to 530, to 630...till mikes alarm went off. forget it, i thought. im not going to get any sleep!?! i set my alarm for 830 am...to give myself enough time to get ready and half hour to drive there, (well, i left 45 minutes)...so yeah...i just stayed awake. i watched some music videos since thats the only time mtv plays videos anymore..then i made egg white scrambled eggs with salsa, and rye toast with coconut oil and orange tea.

ok so.....i need a nap! lets see. ca lee forrr nee yah. california...california!!! i really want to go, i do!!! i love it out there, and i am bored and i want weird stuff to happen. im in need of more weird stuff to happen...

moss even told me about the billboard awards. i'd love to go!!! and i want to like, investigate!

mike doesn't understand this need. he wants me to get a job, (at a deli or making crayons, like moss says, something im not happy doing)....and just live the boring life, i guess...well, a life where i work and don't do anything. moss doesn't understand, before i met him, i still felt young. i still felt capable of things, i travelled when i felt like it. i had an adventurous spirit. i tell mike all the time, i no longer feel alive. i feel dulled. i'm not happy.

heres the thing, if i get hired, i will work. i will save up money. i will join gym, lose weight etc...save money. oh i dont know!? i wanted moss to find the card to that guy so i can at least email him and see what he has to say, but he doesn't even bother looking for the card. he doesn't think he should if i don't go out there. well, if say, i email him, and ask him about writing and what not...who knows?

i dont want to give up my dream tho. i need a damn nap!