heys...

so lately i don't feel much of anything. well...im glad i am working, and i am fully intending to save up. mikes a jerk, as usual. he never got me anything for valentines day or our 3 year anniversary (which was back in march). i mean yes we went out to dinner where he wanted me to get something from the lunch menu...anyways, so for the longest time i was looking forward to getting this tattoo, because he told me he was going to get me a tattoo. well last saturday i went out with seamarina, and when i got home he was acting all mad at me and told me he wasnt going to get me it. then he said he would pay for it if i didnt drink for a month. so that tuesday when i had my appt i came home and i was like, 'ok mike lets go now!" but mike said, 'i told you to reschedule it' even tho he made it seem like he would still pay for it if i held up to my word. but he said no and said he was tired from work. so i went by myself because its rude to break an appointment especially since i just texted him to tell him i was going to be a little late. thats all i was thinking about at work, getting my squidbillies rusty tattoo, and mike had to disappoint me by saying reschedule (after a month)...that really hurt. he is so inconsiderate of me. he doesnt care or respect me. if he did he would want to make me happy. instead he tells me because of all the things i do (whatever). im not happy with him. he doesnt make me feel good about myself. tonight we were going to go out to eat but he didnt want to spend 30.00 on dinner, and he kept suggesting 'cici's pizza'...i really do not like that place. i dont eat pizza, plus i hate going to family orientated restaurants. i would like to go to mesa, which is a nice mexican restaurant...id like to go somewhere more mature...meaning...you know, not a family restaurant. i said i dont want to go there, then he suggested getting fried chicken. i said no! he knows im on a diet. i cant eat that crap. he got mad. i was finally like fine lets go to cicis pizza, plus i kind of wanted to make him happy but when we got there i said oh theres a table follow me but when i turned around he didnt even get his drink and sit at the table he was holding his empty cup and he was in the buffet line. what a gentleman (ha! gentleman) srzy tho...he should wait for me to get in line for food. get our drinks and table first then go up to get food. then we went to walmart for a bit. it was ok i dont mind walking around walmart. i wanted to rent a movie but 'mama' wasnt in redbox so we got gangster squad. i didnt want to drink tonight maybe i dont want to drink tomorrow either. maybe i dont want to drink for a month...i wake up early every morning and im just happy to have a couple of days to sleep in and do things during the day which dont involve hangovers or regret. anyways, no matter what movie we get, mike always has to make comments about the actresses. i wouldnt mind, but he does it in a way which makes me feel like shit. he just doesnt make me feel good. usually i like to feel attractive and stuff....ok well.....it just feels good to know you are with someone who actually likes you and enjoys spending time with you and being with you i miss that. mike never makes me feel that way. he makes me feel frustrated, and annoyed and dulled. so we just got in this huge fight and he started pointing and shouting at me to just leave, move out...bitch/cunt. im such a nice person i am. i may have some faults but i have a good heart, but mike just thinks im a bitch. plus he puts me down and finds ways to insult me. when i try to tell him about things, i dont know, things, he just insults me like im stupid and vapid. i am so done in fact i have been for a while. i just feel tired and dull lately. i have been trying to eat healthy, (well, starting next week), and going to the gym/working out. i did lose 11 pounds i am taking pics of the scale. last month i was 155 now i am 145/144....my tummy is flatter i plan on losing another 15-20 pounds but i must eat well, work out, avoid alchohol.

alcohol 

anyways i guess im just gonna go to sleep now. feels weird that im up this late i need to go to sleep!