so...i have alot on my mind. you see, i want to adopt a healthy lifestyle. i want to feel clear-minded, and honest. i want to feel good about myself and all that jazz. sigh. so, friday, mike and i rented a movie, silent hill 3D. mike of course fell asleep. i was so tired too, so i woke up mike to say lets go to bed. when i said 'mike' he goes, 'whhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuut' in a mean voice. i said lets go to sleep. i thought he would be happy i wanted to go to bed instead he was just being a jerk to me. i started crying because he thought i was being 'nagging' like he always does. i always think we can finally talk for real when we lay in bed at night, but that never happens. instead i just get frustrated due to him not even listening to me. hes just always mean to me, but then he switched it to laughing and mocking me. 'serenity now' he kept saying everytime i tried to speak. what a jerk. im just done. me and him should of been done along time ago. why be with someone who doesnt love or appreciate you? cuz if mike cared he would want to conversate and be caring towards me. he says i left him a long time ago, when i cheated. whatever...mike is boring and i went out with that guy from the airport, mike doesnt want to do anything with me. how do i know he never cheated either. i mean, i still like going out and having fun...but thats the thing...which i will get to next.

so mike tells me he doesnt want to be around me when i drink. ok so.......i didnt drink friday. i didnt really want too. i wanted to wake up early and go to the holistic expo. so we did that. i felt like it was kind of overpriced tho. 7.00 to get in. it was very new agey, (i cant think of a comical term to describe it now) you know what i mean....we listened to some speakers and i bought sage. also got a ten dollar acupuncture card. cool i want to try it. then we went home i watched the end of silent hill. last weekend seamarina and i were going to hang out but we said next weekend, so last night she wanted to hang out. i dont know, i wanted to hang out with shannan but she couldnt cuz she just had a baby. so i figured ok i guess i will get sea and we could go out. ehh...so...going out is not that fun anymore. she talks...alot. rambles on. so we went to bethlehem and we parked and we saw a library speakeasy, but we didnt go she was unsure about going also it would probably be expensive. so we went to tally hos. i wanted to bar hop. oh yeah we did get a drink at your welcome inn. so yeah, it was so loud they had dance music. she bought a pitcher, then another. then we were going to talk back to your welcome inn. but some guys said something to us about it being the one guys birthday, and they told us they would buy us drinks or something. i kept walking to your welcome and we went but neither of us had money and marina really wanted to go back to tally hos. fine. so we found the guys and they had beer and stuff. then they bought us shots. so everyone wanted to go to the dance floor. at the end of the night they usually play annoying dance music...club beats. i do like to dance but its very annoying when guys dance with you because they are right behind you and whats the fun of dancing if you cant show off your moves? ha! one of the guys kept dancing with me. i was kind of drunk tho, from those girl scout cookie shots. he kissed me why? i feel bad about that. i would never do that if i wasnt drinking. see its stuff like that which make me want to quit drinking. although last night i didnt do anything bad, i mean, i did drink and drive and thats scary. i cant do that. seamarina always has to eat after so she had a sausage thing that was outside we also stopped at mcdonalds? i had a chicken sandwich. i was drunk so i went to her house and she made me spaghetti. then i went home. mike was mad. when i woke up he was so mean to me. i didnt do anything wrong i dont need to be treated like i did something wrong. i want to stop drinking tho. im just done with it. i want to have a healthy lifestyle. and yes i want to look good. lisa thinks i want to lose weight so i can get likes on facebook. and so i can be skinny. actually no, i want to be fit and feel good, eat healthy and stuff. so yeah..what else? i cant think anymore!!! today i did abs workout and went grocery shipping