#wanderlust

Travel vlogger and instagrammers were killed the other day, when they slipped off a waterfall. I never saw these people before, and the article had a link to the one guys instagram. PER. FECT. LIFE. so many youtubers, instas, etc...capture the perfect life. they use the best cameras, recordings, the best drone cameras, all of it. they encapsulate perfect images, visiting countries such as Bali, Mexico, Indonesia, etc...they have perfect, young bodies. i mean, why is it so important to capture our memories, why is it so important to have the best stories? the best photos. life is meant to be lived, not to documented. i mean...idk, but his instagram, is envious. even tho the guy is dead now. https://www.instagram.com/rykergamble/ he is actually kind of cute, but you know how these big time youtuber types are, kind of annoying. 

well anyways, today was that riverside party. i was looking forward to it. i don't go to parties anymore, and i figured it would be fun to go too. sometimes, yeah, i enjoy being around people outdoors, music, hot dogs, hamburgers, beer, fireworks, bonfire, etc. the thing was, i had to work till 5. i was not really able to find anyone to go with, and mike said he would want to go anyways. i was kind of like, ehh, i dont really want to go with mike, well i got out of work at 5, i gave debbie a ride to her house. she invited me to go swimming tomorrow at her house. but i came home, took a nap, then cooked some black bean and chicken taco type thing, then i got ready mike came over. mike...sigh. HES SO FUCKING BORING THO!! i remember, a time when i loved the summer. summers were exciting! fun! thrilling! i remember when i used to get excited to see my boyfriend..idk...i used to like listening to music while taking a shower, and then finding something to wear and doing my makeup etc. it was just fun, and i felt good and i liked when, say, dennis (for example) would pick me up. and we had fun. well, yes, i know im not in my 20s anymore. so its not a big issue to go out, but yeah, it is nice to do why not. well mike sees it as , "its not a big deal to go out." and he comes over and i ask him how my outfit looks, (which i changed anyways), he doesnt ever say anything , such as i look nice. hes a lug. so we drove to my parents house, so we could walk across the bridge to riverside. my parents were home so we went inside for a bit. then we headed on down. normally, i find a night like this exciting and adventurous. the summer air brings forth new wonder. i've always loved the summer. im a summer girl and i have always enjoyed summer nights. there is something very sexy and sensual and comforting about the summer, even tho it was quite cool tonight. comfy jeans and a hoodie would of been ideal. i just had jeans and a flannel. summer, summer, summer. they didnt check our bags, meaning i could of threw in some cans in my bag. it was 8.00 to get in, and i bought mike and i a beer, 5.00. why so expensive? usually a guy offers to buy a beer. anyways, there was a tent with food, hot dogs and what not. i saw a sign that said candied bacon, 3.00. i was like, "look mike, bacon!" he just mocks me and goes 'ooh' in a mocking tone. he always mocks me. i said, 'look at the stars mike!" (because the stars are always so nice and you can really see them in harmony and those parts, actually riverside is across the river) ...he says, 'ooh so what' in a mocking tone. ughh. like, i am a nature girl, im an outdoorsy girl, i love the stars, all of that. mike is not fun and he does not appreciate the same things i do. every time i mention camping to him, he never seems interested. he was in a bad mood too the whole time. i wanted to check out the band and he was complaining about bugs. he sensed i was upset so later he was like 'ok lets get it over with'. the party was cool. they had the whole outside open, tents with food, beer tents, lots of people, they had a band playing ozzy and throwback shit, the usual ya know? it could of been fun. could of. depending on the company. i used to go to parties and it was always fun being around people, plus you drink a bit and talk and meet other people. thats why i wanted to go to this party too, just to be around people, but mike was in a bad mood, (he also has to work early tomorrow)...he just..its always like that with him. i dont think i ever really had a good time with him.  i told him, all my exes, well, i usually met them during the summer, and we always did so many fun things...ughh mike is not on the same page as i am. i cant with him. i told him this too. I CANT WITH HIM!!!

he doesnt understand me, he mocks me. he patted me on the back really hard and it hurt. im just...if i have a kid with him or marry him, i will be stuck and he just does not make me happy. 

so around 10, he was like, 'if these fireworks dont start by 10, im going home' so i suggested walking back to the bridge and watching them from the bridge so we did that. but they werent starting. i was disappoint. it would of been romantic but no, not with mike who was bitching the whole time. he says i have an attitude, hes the one with the attitude! he cant even enjoy anything. no environment. so we headed back but by the time we reached the end of the train tracks, the fireworks started going back so i told mike im going back to watch them. he went back to his truck and i ran back to the tracks (there were teenage girls there). the one time there were loads of people on the bridge, drinking beer and smoking, but this time no one was there except for those girls. so i just watched them by myself. i tried to call my parents to come down and watch. as i was heading back i saw two people it was my parents. they were going to watch them from the bridge but it was over. oh well.


to be honest, im glad i didnt stay and drink too much, but just the point. like, i want to find someone with the same adventurous spirit as i have. shrug

my muscles hurt from my job. constantly lifting objects like 24 packs of water yeah it hurts.