there is always someone blasting 'ready or not' by fugees on this street. its annoying. or its the beat..whatever it is, its really loud and annoying. im in bed already and its 7pm. scotti invited me to her cards of humanity party at 7 tonight, but for some reason, i didn't really want to go..but now im just sick of working on saturdays and i miss my friday nights. i dont know what to do. i need a change. im so bored. im depressed. i dont want to be in bed when its still light out anymore. its friday night, although the weather has been miserable and depressing lately. i have been feeling really depressed. i think its because the weather is so weird. im starting to get money from my patreon, it makes me want to get more involved with that. id rather work for myself then work at walmart. im getting really sick of working there...might quit for the summer. ha idk. might just get a fun, summer job, part time. rent would be reduced. 
my car insurance is 120.00 a month. student loans 88.00 a month..phone bill is 40 a month..and i have credit card bills that i am constantly paying it seems (because i am constantly using them..) my service electric is about 60.00 a month..rent is 360.00 a month. 

i dont know what my plans are anymore...shrug. i have none. i dont know!??

but..i am single...i mean, i can do whatever. i just dont know...i dont fucking know. i have a cat, and a fish.

i dont want to be with mike anymore. too many chances. im over it. even tho hes still around like nothing happened. i feel stuck, as usual.

i want to move. i want to find a nice country home.

TRAITS i'd like to find in a mate...TRAITS IN A MATE!!

good family upbringing, respect for everyone. good job. charismatic. funny, easy to talk too. open-minded. likes to travel, try new things. rides a motorcycle, likes country music..HOT!, not a creepo, not a jerko. 

likes to explore...weird nj, would be interested in doing stuff for youtube..someone who enjoys outdoor stuff, camping, canoeing, boating, zip-lining, someone who is adventurous. someone who would be thrilled about going to canada with me to meet my native american relatives..someone who would enjoy having a board night in the dark, blackout night..as if the power went out and all we have are candles. one time, the power went out during the bad hurricanes a while back..i was living with mike.

i thought we could sit in the mudroom with the door open (screen door was in place), drink some wine by candlelight, chat and/or play board games. mike...nah. see, mike is the type of guy who is not interested, or not that, its just so DIFFICULT to have a fulfilling convo with him...we just don't click.

no, i cannot possibly see him and i moving further. we do have a trip next month coming up..florida..

but, we will see how THAT goes. i want to go to disneyland (world??) world...and if he manages to fuck that up, that NOPE! we  aint gonna work, well obvs, we dont work.

also, any man of mine, would GLADLY accompany me along to one of scottis cards of humanity games. he used to want to go, back when she was single. now she has a boyfriend and is pregnant.

he  creeped on sara and sara showed me the screenshot. its not like its something new tho, he jokes this way with me all the time..

sorry mike...i cant anymore..

but..that leaves me...stuck/..?? at walmart...and alone..forever...???

:(

i know i said i was going to write more about the trip, and i will...this will be posted under the trip stuff