sunday

im done with mike. i mean, come on. this is a joke seriously! i hate the way he makes me feel. he kicked me out like, 2 months ago, but of course, the way things work for me, well a week after he kicked me out my car started leaking gas. im not sure why it is, but it really ruined things for me. thats how my 'luck' is i guess. im not normally someone who, whats the word, jinxes myself with that kind of mentality. usually im a go with the flow kind of gal, ya know? i am actually VERY layed back, i have a sense of humor, i dont get mad easily, i like to have fun, i am easy to talk too, i have a positive outlook, but alot of times i feel pitiful and just wish things would go my way. so just like my car stopped working the week after he kicked me out, well, now i see my unemployment overpayed me 1200.00 and i have to pay them back. well, the letter is in easton, so i need to go to easton to look at it and i need to get this taken care of. i have no money. oh yeah, if my car was working, hell yeah i would of been hanging out with other people i would be free to go out, but i have no car so i dont expect anyone to pick me up. i still can hang out with ppl but you see, i DONT want too. i dont want to just hang out with any lame loser guy and i dont really have any girl friends and i tend to get annoyed easily. and then if i go out i will start feeling flirtatious but that would only make me wish i was with someone i am attracted to and not some douchebag loser guy or some guy who thinks im desperate and lonely and 'just needs a nice guy'. im the boss ok? im the one who is capable of knowing who i am attracted to or interested in. like kim telling me i should go out with that eric guy, i mean, he might be nice and all, but hes another guy on facebook who just tries to msg me do i sound like a bitch well then fine i am a bitch then. i said ok i might go to a movie with him but i dont think that will be a good idea bcuz i will be so distracted and be wondering what mike is doing...you know? and those IBers kept inviting me to their new years party but i would feel depressed and stuff. and i dont know, kind of silly. ha. im sure ppl on facebook are like, 'who are those guys who keep inviting lori to those parties' and then i have the album from when i went to boston remember. im sure ppl like jen are nosy and cackling like those women from the kfc commercial. cuz thats how she is. so anyways, mike tells me i cant drink on new years. are you kidding me? i didnt do anything this weekend. ok. i didnt go out. im looking forward to new years. why the hell not? i want to be able to have some champagne like a grown up you know? im an adult. i can handle myself around people. mikes such a jerk. he starts demeaning me and saying, 'whats it gonna be whats it gonna be yes or no' (i need to promise him if i am going to drink of not) are you kidding me mike? im sick of it. and he throws out those reciprocity and i havent proved myself to him you know what mike? you can take your reciprocity and shove it up your ass! BOOM! (just joking) srzly tho...ingest a few chill pills geez. i wonder, how did i end up with him for so long!?? i remember when i first met him i was like, hes kind of weird and doesnt quite 'get it' i tried to make some silly cute joke and he didnt get it and thats when i knew i wouldnt be able to fully be myself around him and then it got to the point where i feel like my face is melting off around him thats how unattractive he makes me feel. i want to hang out with mike on new years, (i dont want to do anything else im serious ok? ) but i also want to be able to drink. im 34 years old. i dont need to be told what to do. who doesnt drink on new years? i just wish i had a cool fun guy to hang out with. so yeah john told me he is sort of seeing someone but then he was asking me if am still with mike uh NO! im not!! but then john did something weird he said his stupid lame friend is interested in me. but then john acts like he would want to hang out with me. uh i would like to hang out with john but in no way am i interested in his weird friend ok!??! so weird. things mike is...JERK SCUMBAG ASSHOLE PUNK ASS BULLY OGRE DICKWAD PEICE OF SHIT I AM SO SICK OF HIM SAYING 'WHATS IT GONNA BE WHATS IT GONNA BE (THIS AINT NO LAME MEATLOAF SONG EITHER) YOU HAVENT SHOWN ME ANY RECIPROCITY YOU HAVENT PROVED TO ME BLAH BLAH BLAH SHUT THE FUCK UP

THEN HE STARTS CURSING AND THROWING AROUND THE F BOMBS, at tic toc. he said i had an attitude no i was getting sick of him belittling, demeaning and embarrasing me at  a diner, talking down to me in that tone and saying he is talking 'calmly and rationally' what a pure dickhead. i dont even care at this point fuck him! i need my car fixed i need a job. i didnt get any sleep last night either well bcuz i am picky about sleep. my dad got up at 530 (april and i slept downstairs) it was so hot too i put on the heater bcuz it makes noise oh whatever i want to be with him but i dont want him to embarrass me and be like, 'you dont understand how she gets when she drinks' i get what? i remember last year we got in a fight bcuz i turned the radio station. i say, its time to MOVE ON! ITS 2013 motherfucker my gameplan is...GET A JOB SAVE AND JUST..MOVE ON! SO YEAH HOLLYWOOD HERE I COME! lol

hmm anyways...oh yeah mike also told me he took all my stuff (whatever is still there from last time he moved it all) and moved it all to the front porch room (sunroom). thats upsetting that he does that. he also tells me i cant touch the heat ever so it has to be 63 degrees. gee hes a gentlemen huh? hes so sweet. 
i dont understand why he has to be so mean to me im not a bad person. whatever