words of thoughts...

so, here is the story. instead of leaving me home after christmas day, and getting together during the wknd, mike brings me back. so i was there all week, sitting on that couch, having to keep the temp low, getting nervous when he would arise from the dead to oaf out and ask me how late i plan on staying up. i would of rather stayed at my parents, and catch up with him on the wknd anyways. mike ruins my life he ruins my wknd. i dont do anything all week yes i look forward to the wknd. i'd like to go out, you know, DO SOMETHING! why not? what happens is mike and i get some drinks and he hangs out a little bit, (we watch howard stern or eminem videos or jerky boys on youtube) but then he gets tired and goes to bed. im not tired so i end up staying up. which is what we did last week. of course, he goes and hangs out with his friends when im not there, but when i want to do something its so lame and boring! so last night, he tells me scott is coming over he also says he will take me out to eat. so i am kind of excited bcuz i figure if scott is here then it would mean we can actually go out you know? so i take a shower and put on makeup and wear the sweater mike gets me. we go to tic toc, (which is the diner all the old folks go to cuz its dinner and breakfast and all for dirt cheap prices!) i ordered hot open turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes and gravy (which was too white..everything was a white pallor, and later made my tummy hurt), mike ordered some baconized and cheddar onion ring cheeseboiger...with french fries. i also had salad and manhatten clam soup which came with the dinner. the atmosphere was a warm, cozy diner (a staple of easton pa), complete with clank clanking of forks and knifes and the welcoming scent of coffee, amongst the senior citizens. i felt pleasant as we sat down. 

things soon took a terrible turn, when mike decides to say, 'theres a few things i want to talk to you about'. when he says this, its not really things he wants to talk about, its a list of demands he orders me to do, in a demeaning tone as if i am a dog or his slave. 

i wanted to talk to him about something i saw on entertainment weekly, "hey did you know that charlie sheen gave lindsay lohan 100,000.00 wow! shit, i could use that money why give it to entitled hollywood brat lindsay? she should grow up and stay out of trouble, " oh oops i forgot, shes programmed tho. shes a poor little victim who has been programmed with many personalities such as margoex and uh...liz. whatever!?

so anyways...while i was slurping on my clam chowder, he places his arms disturbingly on the table and crosses his hands solemnly in front of him. "lori i dont want you drinking tonight and thats it. i might let you for new years'

ok um first of all, his tone was very condescending and demanding. im not a dog im a human being. which is what i said, to which he begins to interrupt me, saying, 'i dont need to put up with this' he got louder and began to embarrass me. i said 'stop talking to me like this, if anyone hears you talking to me and pointing at me they will feel sorry for me' mike sounded like a big punk ass bully. i dont need to be talked to like that! 

i dont need to be told what to do im an adult! he doesnt even hang out with me he goes to bed. and last wknd when i woke up he didn't yell at me either. this was out of nowhere. i didnt need to drink last night, but to be demanded not too! so he told me he was going to take me home. when we got back he said pack your stuff. what?! thanks for ruining my wknd. i dont have a car but i could of tried to make other plans. i dont have many friends that is the thing. all i want (other than a job and my car fixed and my own apartment) is to have cool ppl to hang out with!) i mean damn! how hard is it just to have normal fun easy going ppl to hang out with!??!? so i tried to msg whoever i could about doing something. no way did i want to just go home to my parents and sit there especially after i put on makeup and looked nice. mikes a jerk you know. he made plans to hang out with weston i could of tagged along. mike could be cool with me i dont get out of hand im a normal person. i like to go out, have some drinks, chat, laugh. mike never hangs out with me he goes to bed! he is lame! i am sick of him! i want to meet a guy that i like who likes me! it seems like if i like a guy he doesnt like me but tries to pass me off on his friend, ..or my friend kim who keeps trying to set me up with that guy, im just not feeling it. you know? who cares....i just want a guy to hang out with that i like, i am comfortable with, who is cute, personable, funny and who likes me too! someone who wants to take me out and stuff. i like doing lots of things, not just drinking. i like doing activities, excursions, exploring, fine dining, wining...uh...(i was gonna say 69ing cuz it rhymed and i was trying to be goofy but that just sounds nasty..) i mean...nevermind!!!!!!!!!!! ughh wtf? hmm....yeah so, la da da...mike was going to take me back but adam actually msgd me back. he said he was having a drink at applebees with some friends but he would come and get me. so he got me around 1030 in easton and mike shooed me out of their. well when i got in the car, adam said he was on a date. i was like, 'uh...ok.' he assurred me it was cool and that the girl told him to get me. well maybe she would be cool and it wouldn't feel awkward??? 

PART 2 of the story...

so we get to applebees and its busy. adam says hi to some guys that was there and then a woman approaches me shes like, 'hi lori im...(uh, i forget her name? oh yeah, nikol, (that is how she spelled it on the cool dry erase board with neon glowy markers later when she played pool) i want to get one of those boards.

she looked kind of older but was super skinny. and she was kind of wasted and i was still sort of out of it. you see, i go from getting kicked out by mike and on the verge of crying and then getting picked up and dumped out at applebees, and she begins to tell me, 'i dont mean to bring this up, but adam told me you were having problems with your boyfriend' so basically he felt bad for me and she encouraged him to get me. she introduced me to this guy and made me sit next to him but in no way was i interested in trying to meet some guy, you know? the whole thing just reeked of awkwardness. i wouldnt mind hanging out with adam him and i used to be amigos. we could chill and hang out and talk we would go to the strip club or wherever and he always buys drinks haha. adam is cool hes just my friend tho. im not interested in him i have known him since high school. but now you know, it was like hanging out with adam and his date. it just felt weird. i felt intrusive almost. and nikol asked me if i smoke i was like, 'well, i dont buy cigarettes but sometimes i smoke mikes' so she was like, ok and offered me a parliament menthol light (which i used to smoke) so i went outside with her to have a smoke. she asked me how old i was so i told her she told me she was 35. she was pretty just seemed older. i mean, like i say i hate when ppl ask my age and if i have any kids cuz most ppl my age have a few kids. she also said she was a dental assistant and got 20.00 an hour but quit cuz she was having problems with her co-workers. dental assistant eh? anyways it was cold when we went back in i saw a commercial of diamonds on the tv (diamond syncs via facebook tmz jade cole lost her diamond someone msgd diamond rihanna song) the weird thing is, nikol started talking about everything i had blogged about, (that note i made about advice) she said about how her dreams were shattered and she had two kids and she didnt follow her dreams to join the marines or become a cop. she got in an accident and shattered her pelvis. what else? adam ordered food but it was midnight and we were gonna go somewhere else. the guy she introduced me to wanted to go to the strip club, (spankys). why would he suggest going to a strip club tho kind of weird. she wanted to go to landslide, a country western bar in nj. i would of went somewhere in pburg or easton? i dont know? whatever i didnt even care. the food came but she wanted another cigarette her and adam went outside i went out for a bit with all of them she was drunk the guy who worked at applebees was out for a break and was making fun of her and she didnt even realize. i got cold went inside and they were still out there. the other guy came back was trying to talk to me but i was like, '
yeah so as i was saying, i felt so upset. what was i doing there? (great now my relatives are here and i dont feel like dealing with them. i just want my own place i dont want to be all friendly now)...i started feeling a hot wave of tears overcoming me, (and the second glass of beer i had was not helping) i went to the bathroom..i just came upside well i said hi and stuff but my aunt sat right next to me so i cant really finish this i just want to finish typing this ya know? and my dad put in the poseidon adventure, the cheapie version, i got him 'poseidon' for christmas and he keeps insisting he has it he thinks its the poseidon adventure. its not! i started to become aggravated so i went upstairs. i need to take a shower and charge my phone. i also dont feel like watching poseidon adventure!!! so yeah i went into the bathroom and texted mike, "can i come home tonight?" i felt tears welling up i just felt so awkward and depressed. i was feeling awkward and lonely.. mike texts me back like, 'if you have been drinking, no'. i had 2 beers. i can drink 9 beers. im fine after 6 i start to get buzzed at 7 then i become another person at 8 and 9 (i guess bcuz that is when i black out)...anyways....lets see.  hmm...so anyways, we went to landslide, we followed nikol home so she can drop her car off and get into adams car she was swerving later she said she wanted to get into an accident so she could get more chiropractor (and she wants to be a cop!? wow) she said she got into lots of car accidents. she was kind of crazy even adam said that as we were driving in his car following her. he said he met her on plentyoffish.com

ha! figures. so we get to landslide a little after midnight. they close at 3, really? so last call is at 230. oh ok well adam gets our drinks and she plays some country songs in the jukebox or like, taylor swift and stuff. hung out for a bit she played pool. nothing spectacular. after they wanted to go to sands but i was tired and wanted to go home. so they took me home. the music was pumping reminded me of high school ya know when you sit in the back seat while the music is blasting! haha. oh yeah another weird thing nikol started talking about looking into the mirror and communicating with yourself. that was weird i just mentioned that on my blog and note. maybe nikol was my split personality? and it was me talking to myself in the bathroom mirror!???! (wouldnt that be a weird story lol) so yeah, she said its good to have a good cry. look at your reflection but she started saying how most ppl think its weird so she cuts off that advice i was like, 'thats weird cuz i just wrote that'...but yeah i go home and uh, the guy i do like...he texts me to call..oh i dont feel like explaining this now. maybe later plus it keeps stopping to save and therefore freezes up what im typing and i need a shower. later!!! (oh btw i did have fun with adam and nikol they were cool not trying to sound like im complaining i was about to write about that tsa guy but im not going to now haha)