ahoya!

so...mike is always bugging me about getting a job. really annoying. well, yes i do know i need a job, but i do not want him telling me what to do. he doesn't know what is best for me. i'm trying to move on. i am trying to do my own thing. i'm obviously not happy, so why continue with the charade. sure, i love and care about him, but sometimes a point comes where the best thing to do is just move on. i don't think it is fair that i wonder if i am ever going to move back to LA (I am!), or go out with that one guy...you know? why not? even if its hanging out one more time...mike is boring, so why can't i hang out with someone who actually would like to hang out with me? mike never wants to, so what fun is that? its not fair that i wonder about other guys, and its not fair to me that mike gets turned on and excited about any female in a show or movie, or anyone who talks to him...basically. i mean, i know he likes to tease me, but i don't feel attractive anymore. i don't get turned on anymore. i just feel so nuetral. i don't feel like he really wants to listen to a thing i have to say. he wants me to get a job so i can help pay rent. he told me to get the paper yesterday, so i did. well, there was an ad stating that jobs are available. walk in, start the next day...(these sort of jobs kind of make me wonder. its like, maybe i don't want to just start the next day...maybe i want to wait so i can claim this week on my UC benefits..before i start working..). so i followed the directions and it took me to some temp agency. its far, well, its up where all the warehouses are..hey for 12. an hour and up, the half hour drive is fine. this job is just a measly 8.50 an hour (but to be frank, anything is better then the little bit of money i got bi-weekly off unemployment)...but since this is a temp agency, i'm not even sure how long this job is going to even last!? you know!???? the last 3 jobs i got only lasted 2 or 3 weeks...pssh..i got those because of mike hassling and annoying me. i want to make up my own mind on what to do. last job, always travel (mike made me fill out app. started working THE NEXT DAY) i read reviews online about how they solicited calls 40 times in 2 weeks! yeah they are annoying. im not sure how some ppl have been there for so long. job before...saladworks...4 days!?! (i dont even put that down on applications psshh! not worth having to bend around to squeeze past fat people to fill up the salad bar and having to whim around super fast saladworks people who cut in the way (just cut in the way thats how ya got to be) to fill up the salad that is in the little fridge, oh but make sure you put everything back nice and precise, but we dont want you making salads because we get too impatient and think you are slow even tho the only way to really grasp things and become fast is to be hands on....plus the manager kept making snippy comments to the customers such as, 'oh you want a job here?" (bcuz those customers BTW probably eat there 3x a week and know exactly what is on their 8.00 dollar salad)...and making it seem like i was some sort of dufus who aint know a thing bout what im doin!? 

ha! i sure love to complain. wonder if and what i am going to complain about now huh? so yeah, before that, crayola, who layed me off after 3 weeks then gave me problems with my unemployment later...erghhh...

its because of mike. he bugs me to get a job...i went to lincoln tech thinking i could work at a pharmacy making good money (those commercials mislead me...) and that guy called me all the time till i went in next thing i know i was signed up) 

mccann has been calling me because i expressed an interest in criminal justice and/or massage therapy, all of which both lisa and marta told me not to bother with. marta did give me info about dental hygienist but it seems like alot of work and my already social lacking self esteem thinks im not smart enough to come up with a good enough essay..plus you have to take alot of hard classes too and get good grades..for the next 2 years. i just want to be free again! a free spirit! i want to figure things out for myself...

dental hygenist is good tho i wish i did that right out of high school...40.00 or so an hour. marta started when she was 34 tho. never too late to start!

so i went there and i wasnt even sure what it was about!?? i filled out all the forms and did a drug test so they asked if i could start tomorrow...

its putting barcodes on leggos i think. 9-530 pm. m-f. (good hours!) 8.50 an hour tho.

ehhh we'll see..

the thing i am upset about tho is, i made baked ziti tonight, and i left my facebook open...so, i had no idea mike had posted, for me, 'i got a job today hell freezeth over'....

he told me he did but i thought he did on HIS page. so i come back from getting gas (my dad gave me some gas he won 200.00 gas card) and i see he wrote that. everyone commented 'thats great' and liked it...but i am still upset bcuz i wasn't even going to bother posting about getting a job. im not even sure how long it will be for, you know??

i need an want a full time job, not one that only lasts for 3 weeks. i'll look like an idiot when its over, you know?

what else? oh yeah, so i contacted the valley beat about being considered to be one of the models of the week, and they contacted me back!! valley beat, you know? i blogged about them before. its the..um...whatever its called..the uh..weekly, that mentions the bar crawls and local bands and shower shows at the new spankys east, and the model of the week on the last page (that mike spankys about i know he does of course)...so that would be cool if they wanted to use me as the model! i would be like, 'hey look mike, thats me! mini mo!'