May!

Today was the first day, of May, and it was a very nice, warm day! I enjoy this kind of weather. Every start of summer, always brings forth some sort of promise of romance, daydreams, introspect, and hope. I am romantic during the summer in the sense that I long for those lazy days, lingering within the fields, barefoot, a reminder of country days, say, from the 50s. I like listening to rockabilly/oldies because I do enjoy that pinup, sort of, greasers vibe. I can just imagine all the hot rods lined up outside the ice cream shop, the guys and their girlfriends, with their red lips and pencil skirts. idk!?? ha! or, i like hot country boys, with cowboy hats! you know, and girls wearing denim cutoffs, looking real cute. i love the country tho.

i really like just hanging out, watching the sunset, drinking a nice cold beer, being with a boy that i really enjoy (haha!), someone that makes my heart beat fast, and someone that i enjoy just, talking with! someone who has a cute, boyish grin, and eyes that want to read deep into my soul. i used to feel that way, when i was younger. 

i don't feel that way anymore. :( i mean, i just...i dont know? i haven't felt that way in a while tho. it's like, the magic of attraction is no longer existent...you know, i think i am going to write a romance novel tho. a story about a bad boy type and a good girl, (or a good boy and a bad girl! yeah! thats never been done!! or maybe, two girls! or two guys! but i would actually rather write a kind of romantic friendship about two girls...hmm, like, they realize that they actually do enjoy flirting with each other, and not just for attention from the boys! one day they are alone and actually just...kiss or something. LOL!!???) 

i think i can come up with a good story tho.  oh..american dad roger and stan just 'probed each other' whats up with american dad? hes a little, fruity ya know?? fruity pebbles!

i have some ideas for photoshoots! i did a grocery store one last year, remember? oh i need to get my summer clothes from mikes. you know, i do miss living there tho. i miss having marble in that house because she would relax on the couch, or lay on her back when she was comfortable. she never sleeps in my room anymore :( or does any of that. she finds her spots tho, to sleep on. 

so, i want to rent a convertible, and do a night run to a drive thru. i want the camera to do those little scribbles with light, so that the drive thru menu can be a lil bit scribble, and i will be driving, acting like "WOO HOO THIS IS SO WILD!!! ORDERING DRIVE THRU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!"" i remember when my friends kate and jen went to a drive thru in mcdonalds after the repo club, and they were like, 'do you know where the end of the rainbow is" and laughed and then we went to kates and kate and jen started dancing and it made me think of that tall and short elephants from pink elephants on parade. HA!!!!

also, a pool photoshoot...idk shrug

a photoshoot inside a tent! camping is so much fun, but i think doing a photoshoot in a tent will be fun, cute, comfy and cozy!!! and CAR RAZY!!! i saw a tent shoot on one of those tumblr things which inspired me, cept mine will just be cute and fun! not 'risque'.

lawnmowing shoot would be cool too! i love lawnmowing, and weedwacking. reminds me of when i would have landscaping detail at presidio of monterey califorina, when i was in the army. i would think of the song, blue skies, by tori amos, and the sky made me think of san fransisco, even tho i have never been to san fransisco? i love the smell of the oil lawnmowers and weedwackers use.

i also want to do a shoot in front of nice old custom cars. actually, chops says we can do a shoot at his garage in philly. i always wanted to do a car shoot like that. 

so yah dats dat. guess i should attempt to go to sleep. i get so tired during the day. it is hard for me to wake up, (i wake up a bunch during the night to pee), but i am so tired! i sleep in late. then, later i take  nap. i think its because i need my bloodwork done and i need my meds! by night time, i am a night owl, and i just cannot go to beds. 

you know what will make me happy? oh nevermind....i was gonna say, having a family! my own family! :/

 you know, nevermind. i am getting tired tho. i guess i will attempt to go to sleep then. sometimes i wake up and despise my life. that happens alot. i like the smell of rain.