it is hot inside, but nice out. i want to take a walk or something. so...does anyone else do a blog ? like, trisha paytas makes all kinds of vlogs (i dont watch them all, i cant! how could i ? I wonder if there are people out there that DO watch every one of her videos?) WOW. i have been at my parents house but it limits me. i want to know what the deal is, but i dont feel like sitting through vlogs! (the jason and trisha breakup drama LOL)it would be easier to just READ her thoughts, you know?

MY THOUGHTS!!!

so, i always say i would like to get married and have a family. at the same time, i want to be with someone who i can do fun things with. someone who is open minded, adventurous, and fun. i want a HUSBAND to travel to beautiful lands. italy! greece! ireland! or, even go on a weekend trip to a gorgeous air bnb (there are so many cute, quaint airbnbs). mike, i feel like he, he aint the right one thats just it!??!? >:( 

for a while, i was  thinking about how jay is fun. he would be able to do these things. hes a teacher too so he gets summers off. so for the longest time, i would think about, he would be great to get married too! my parents like him. 

well, i like him alot too. we went to this local restaurant/bar and i had steak fajitas and a summer shandy. then we just came back to my parents house and watched some stuff of amazon and netflix. it was ok. it was a dreary, gloomy rainy day yesterday. i would of liked to sit outside and have patio beers (NOT at my parents house tho)...

but anyways, see...im not ATTRACTED to him. so, really, getting married to someone you are not attracted to, is not fair to both people. i like to drink a few beers, hang out with a guy, get cute and flirty! you know? or just go to the movies, or you know, whatever...

i would like to meet someone. i feel too old tho. and uninspired. i should just stick with mike. i am more attracted to mike than jay, and i feel a comfort with him. i feel a bond. if mike doesnt propose tho, ha! yeah right, i cant see that.

i want a kid tho!!! i want to move out the projects. with jay, he has a house, a nice house on the hill, but the bedroom is so small, its a 3 bedroom. its a nice house yah. but mike and i can find a house in the country. it will be MY HOUSE!!! 

and i will provide. you know, be a lil family. aint gonna stop me! i will still go on my trips!

im also bored of drinking. i have been drinking past few nights, but i stop. i do not continue to drink. i stop past a certain point rather than getting all sloppy. no hangovers for me!