update

Yeah so, Shannan had mentioned that she wanted to hang out last night. Hobo Jimmy messaged me, saying he was hanging out with weird Wayne. I did not want them to come over. I have had issues in the past with Wayne, and Jimmy can be really obnoxious and annoying. I figured tho, since I was going to be at Shannan's, maybe THEY can buy beer and we just hang out there. So they stopped by, and we went to Shannan's, but she was sleeping the whole time. She was putting her kids to sleep but she was asleep the whole time pretty much, so we walked back to my house and hung out here for a bit, but I could not handle Jimmy's childlike antics so eventually they left. Wayne has asked me out on dates in the past, but gotten very nasty when I told him I am not interested. We got along fine last night, but it was so hard to talk to him with Jimmy being very loud and annoying. I found a slew of texts from Wayne this morning, saying we should hang out. I proceeded to tell him that I am getting back with Mike and I do not think it would be good to hang out with a guy alone, and that I am going to start telling Jimmy that we cannot hang out anymore as well. Of course, Wayne got huffy and started being rude again, and apparently called Jimmy to inform him of what I said.

Here is the deal with Mike and I. I decided I had my last straw with him, when he got up and screamed at me like a madman when I woke him up because he fell asleep and started snoring. Here is the deal. If I decide to be with Mike, it will be like being with a senior citizen who cannot stay awake past 6pm. Not fun!

Jay has been interested in me for a very long time. He is a really fun, smart, respectful,caring guy. He is a chemistry teacher at my old high school, (he was actually a teacher when I was a student there lol..weird, I know..), he also is a science fiction writer, (google Jay Werkheiser)..so, every time Mike was a dick to me, I would think about how nice Jay is, so I decided to give it a try with him and date him. He came over with pink roses one night and we went to eat at Ruby Tuesday. It was nice. Then we came back here and he watched me play my game, "Beyond two souls",and then he went home, (this was on a weekday). We had plans to go see The Nutcracker at the movie theater, for that saturday. It actually fell through because of Mike. I didn't tell Jay tho. This past Saturday we had plans and went out to eat. I told Mike about Jay too. We went to eat at a fancy restaurant called The Bayou, then we had a drink there and then we came here and hung out and had a few beers and watched youtube. We had plans to go to the walker stalker convention the next day. (He slept over because we were drinking, he slept in my bed and I slept on the couch.) He wanted to kiss me but I moved away and was hesitant, and he asked me what is wrong, understandable. I had to be honest with him because it wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be fair for either one of us.


I like Jay so much..but I am not attracted to him in that way, and that is important. When I was considering dating Jay, I was crying every day knowing that would mean I would not see Mike ever again. I couldn't handle that contemplation. I am 40 years old, I do not want to go out and casually date. I am not a player, I do not want to have many options, I do not want that! I should of already BEEN married by now! I tried with Jay, but the feelings are not there.

He is a teacher! We discussed going on trips together, doing fun things, air bnbs, going to visit his daughter in Japan (she is going to teach there in 2 years)...we talked about trying out different restaurants, trips to NYC, if I married him, I would be set. I would no longer have to worry about struggling with money. My parents like him alot, he is a really nice, intelligent person. It was so rough having that talk with him. 

I am just used to Mike. Despite his terrible sleep apnea. I told him to go to the doctor! Anyways, life.