creating and what not

Moss is in Vegas now, about to head into the AVN awards. I would of been there, if I wanted too. Truth is, I'd rather wait till April. It takes alot to take a weekend off, pack, and fly on a damn plane, just to follow Moss around while he gets his flower or make sports bets. Besides, I have been there many times for the AVNs, I know how it is like. But anyways...it is saturday night and im sitting home! i dont work tomorrow. i might go to church, probably. why not? i like going to church. im not drinking tonight. im sick tho. i was going to go to a party, (an essential oils party..so like, selling oils), but it was cancelled until feb. i watched 'american meme' on netflix. they have paris hilton in it (amongst other instagram or social media influencers..)...and, it actually showed footage of her when she first broke out, with anand jon!?? Why? i think that was the most earliest footage of her, when she worked with him. does she even know he is in prison for raping teenage girls?? if i stayed in LA im sure i would of went to a party at her house. i did party with her tho. at PURE in vegas, and also, la duex in hollywood. well, we walked up to her VIP table (with anand) in vegas. the one in hollywood was chelsea handlers party that my friend and i got into. hollywood is quite small and it is easy to shimmy into those type of parties, if you try. i guess. idk. my life now is so boring. sometimes i do miss and crave that excitement, i suppose.

no i dont wish i was in vegas now. that would mean i would be with moss, and i would be annoyed. last year i was drinking vodka before and during the show, i NEVER drink vodka like that. moss kept trying to push me to hang out with some girls he knew that went to a strip club. i didnt know them. why was he pushing me onto other people? eventually i did drink enough and i didnt care. so yeah i went with that girl and her husband or whatever he was and it didnt turn out good. so i just dont trust being around that kind of environment.


moss thinks, oh, she parties, she parties, let them party together. no, no. i do not know them, and vice versa. NOT A good fucking idea especially when going to a strip club and my attention span is DRUNK. that was last year. thinking about the avn awards tho, i never wanted to leave the hard rock to go to  a strip club!? i wanted to stay at the hard rock...!??!


oh well...lol. moss just told me that girl is there (well i asked him) and he told me her grandfather played the biggest mafia guy in the movie casino. im like, what was the name of the guy? hes so vague.

oh so i was hanging out with a mafia chick that night? (jk i know it was a movie..pasquale cajano is the guys name he died in 2000)


anyways...so, i dont know what else i wanted to say. im bored, jk im happy to be home, i mean, going out isnt a big deal, but sometimes i get the itch...and i get an itch for attention. you know? i mean, no, im not still in my 20s, but..sometimes it feels nice to get attention, i guess. 

i know, im engaged to mike...but i miss those feelings...i mean, hes trying. i cant be thinking like this. its not right!

i do want a family. and when i move in with mike, i can focus more on writing. creating. even my youtube channels. i have subscribers to all my channels, and some are growing! i have 5 youtube channels. and i have subscribers who are actually fans! they compliment me and they like my ways, they like what i do..they watch all my videos. really!??! 

one is my normal lulafawn one...blogs, mukbangs, vlogs, smoking, having a beer, talking...

i have my ASMR one, (need and want to do more. i am going to get a greenscreen and i am definately going to revive it. i have subs there and i get comments)

my SMOKING channel. this is one that i think i can get payed views from (if youtube allows it??) it of course, is 18 + ..but it gets thousands of views per video, and new subscribers every day. theres a thing for smoking on youtube, idk shrug

my TRANSVESTIGATION channel! lots of subscribers and comments all the time! i need to make more vids!

my personal channel. hardly no subs, (i dont think any), but i like it that way. i do not tell my other channels about my personal channel and i do not want subs to that one. its just home video type of deals. trips, or hanging out with lila. not meant to have other people watch, you know?
so maybe i can work on it, build a brand? haha! 

i definately need to write my autobiography about working for anand jon. 

i also want to write memoirs of a walmart worker (silly read)

and my FICTION stories as well as my childrens stories!

YAY! and more! so i dont care if my weekends are not crazy or whatever. i need to focus on creating!